I'm frustrated! there's so much to say, but i feel a loss for words. happy birthday! sukisyo on the brain. *_* my fav. parts of "Everything you want" hmph. i'm amused. *raises one eyebrow* Both Female Male
Although I woke up rather...*chuckles softly* *smirks* Hi-mi-chu. And though I have done a lot of things, it still feels like I've done nothing, so I'm kind of frustrated. *sighs* Today, unlike yesterday, I didn't get half of what I had planned to do. ;_; ;__;
Well, I feel frustrated also because I didn't get to do a fanfic...
...*in a little voice* stupid sukisyo has me really flustered. *_* It's driving me crazy 'cause it's so cute and sexy!
I need to immerse myself in very cold water to purify my thoughts. Excuse me.
An uke Kappei-sama and Midorikawa-sama voice does wonders, you know? Heh...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 10:34 p.m.
Even though this weekend was quite tiring, a lot of things happened. They were all happy things with many joyous, playful thoughts. It was like living a dream that I had always wanted. To me, it felt a little crazy like Gravitation, but just as happy and weird at the same time.
It is a feeling I think I often miss, and therefore, I've always been trying to find it. For a long time, I thought it was loneliness. And maybe it was. I was always trying to runaway in some way. I felt things and had to take them in doses so that I wouldn't hurt myself or suffer so. But after spending time with some people in some way or other, each conversation was really fulfilling. I had fun in a playground with playmates that I longed to always have. And though I still have to grow up (as my advisor had said in jest in order to support me), I have finally have something I can keep with me. It is mine and I can hold it forever even if the memories ever fade or I perish before they do.
As I was talking with Duality, I realized that there were many things I still needed and wanted to know. Though we've talked about every subject under the sun, there were perspectives I still needed to be aware of. I thirsted for more. I truly wanted to know what she felt and what she thought, even if I could predict it. I think that there's nothing better for me than to know, "Oh, I think I've caught something again."
It's like catching little stars one at a time. There's an unspoken wish that was made and I was the one who was able to grab a hold of that small dream.
I think I've grown a little today.
And now, I strive to even more angsty, reflective pieces mixed with hope to readers. Even though I sound like a child when I run around the way that I do, I think what's most important is that you do what you want to do. It's not a matter of rules, it's a matter of personal restraints we put on ourselves as well as the limitless possibilities we can perceive with the depth of our vision.
I learned that by watching Hikaru no Go. How far you will be able to go is how ahead you can get of your opponent.
So, today, I contemplate on my weakness with myself as the ultimate adversary to my own happiness. (I think this is true for everyone, though.) I'm glad that compassionate nun told me, "MA, you've seen only one path all your life. When you go to college, you will discover that there are many roads to take. And then, you will get confused. But as long as you keep that goal that you have, you will be all right." You will be able to conquer anything. I didn't realize that at the time because my vision was so blinded by all the pain I detached myself from.
But now, my mind is very clear. I'm confused about what to do, but not about who I am.
I realized it this weekend when I talked to so many people, especially S-san, Duality, and Rosevine-san.
And also when I continued to look at Adri's gifts all weekend...
There's much to do. There's so much to see. (Don't laugh, Duality! Just because I made that mistake once of saying, "I have places to see and people to do.") There are so many different kinds of hearts in the world, and so I keep on liking all kinds of character types. There's a lot to analyze and learn.
There's so much I want to give and so I say thank you for each and every thing. Even if I got upset, even if I got mad, even if it is still mine, even when I have a hard time saying 'i miss you', even if i give myself away by saying 'i love you', i've learned a lot so far.
People let me have these experiences and shared them with me as I with them. That's why when I said to my brother one day, "I...I want to give up", he told me way later, on a random note, "For all the suffering you went through, I want to make it up to you." I don't understand my brother sometimes. He gives me the greatest things to think about at the weirdest of times.
That day, I learned why I wouldn't give up. It wasn't because of love or responsibility. As intolerant as I am at times of humanity's common stupidity over complicated and simple matters, I still believe in people.
I still hope I will continue to change. I still believe that I will get the answers to the many questions I had all these years, even if they're not told to me directly through words.
I believe in shifting paradigms. We change viewpoints by decentering ourselves from what's comfortable. I believe in polyrhythmic realities in which we fulfill different roles all at the same time.
I believe in the heart because underneath everything, there is a reason. As shallow or as deep a reason as that may be for each individual person, there is always something wonderful if you look beyond what you thought you already saw.
At the most important of times, I feel like Eiri Yuki. Even if he writes so much, he's unable to express himself in the powerful, witty words he's so pridefully built himself upon, within each reader's psyche.
But nothing comes out. I feel that things will come out when they are ready to come out. It's more heartfelt that way. You don't always have to talk in order to have something understood.
It just feels right.
I give a little of my heart to you. And you have given me a little of yours too.
song of the day: my immortal by evanescence
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 20, 2005 at 09:26 p.m.
i don't have anything since i have been so busy. ;_; everytime i wanted to do a fic, i was too tired from all the things i had to do. i have five classes and i am a student teacher so please forgive me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUBARU AND HOKUTO! ^_________^
(They'd be 31 today.)
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Saturday, February 19, 2005 at 12:17 a.m.
sure, it's an orgy of beloved male seiyuu that i worship. (where is seki tomokazu in all this fun??) but there's something more than being turned on by a koyasu-sama talking in his deep, sultry voice.
actually, i was touched by the story, even if it's off the wall. (it's like the playfulness of gravitation, only more crazy and yaoi-galored.)
there's something endearing and i hope the potential i see in it will be satisfying. (though ep 6 - thank you, sweetie for the info - was really hot at the end! XD)
here i go again with these helplessly in love, but desparate i-can't-be-with-you in some way stories that i LOVE with an alarmingly indiscreet passion. *Huggles*
damn. here i go again getting really into something. i guess i don't want to ever learn to lose the idealism of love itself. it is something i protect and believe strongly in.
now, if you had asked me years ago about my opinion of love, i would have politely laughed and dismissed it as something stupid, irrational, and troublesome. (though i still think that boys and girls are high maintenance. ^^;;;;) now, here i go on and write about it in volumes of fics. well, the unrequited kind. i still don't understand people when it comes to this subject. all i know is 'if you know, then, well, you just know.'
but people are so interesting me. and interacting with them fascinates me so much. ;_; --;;;;
sukisyo, what have you done to me?!?!?! i want yuki eiri's life with reiji and naoya's type of love, but as obsessive a subaru and seishirou! (i would put ryu x tatsuha, but i'm the one convincing myself it's cannon. hahahaha...) am i asking too much? *laughs* yes, i am. and i might as just wear a sign that says, 'i am a psycho 'cause i love way too excessively. (ask duality for details...without _that_ voice that she uses to tease peo-er me.) sheesh, i scare me how much i care because i obsess too much, but if you don't care that i call you a million times and hug you more than a billion times a day, then cool. *LOL*'
maybe, i'm getting old and this is why i'm rambling.
sorry to bother you with my troubles. ^^;;; this has just gone through my head. listening to the 'just a survivor' mp8 _ain't_ helping.
i'm avoiding my dilemma: i wish i knew what i was doing after graduation. to live here in sf would be ideal. the ocean is here and i wouldn't have to explain a lot of things ...
yeah, i want yuki eiri's life, kinda.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, February 17, 2005 at 11:32 p.m.
"You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say...
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know"
I guess I'll always be a masochist. I was looking through some of my old songs and just hearing this made my heart ache as well as my lips smile. The bittersweet feelings that bind and liberate me are quite perplexing, though I should already be used to such a thing.
On my lj, I put my old story called 'Between Sincerity and Corruption'. An interesting thing I'd have to say about this story is that I wrote this with a mentality of not fully being aware of what love was, though I had fallen in love and the impact increases as the years go by.
song of the day: don't dream it's over, redone by six pence none the richer
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, February 17, 2005 at 11:11 p.m.
You scored as Both. You're a 50/50 person! You are balanced and are a rare one. 100% 75% 75%
Male or female?
created with QuizFarm.com
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, February 17, 2005 at 08:34 p.m.
compassionate? me?
Compassion: Compassion is your prime instinct. You
have a truly beautiful soul, it belongs to
Heaven. It makes you sad to see how life became
so cruel, but you always hope that the best
will happen. Don't stop being yourself, cuz
your friends need you.
Your Evanescence song is >>>> Forgive me
What is your prime instinct?
brought to you by Quizilla
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, February 17, 2005 at 03:44 a.m.
Is that really true?
My professor said that pain of other people do not affect us. Even though he said that from an emotional impact perspective, it made me think about how I'd been living my life. As simple as my thinking may have been, I thought, "He's right and then he's not." Sure, there are people that touch us with what they have to say and there is a certain point to our empathy, but I cannot accept the fact that such a boundary exists. Of course, each person sets their own limits on how much they will be affected by someone and how much they will be able to make an impact on another human being.
I still believe that other people's pain does affect us. In some way, like a ripple on a tranquil lake, it can be disturbed by slight movement. But as to how much it can stand or not is what makes the difference. Even though I don't understand some people or the way their mind works, I still want to learn about them. I want to be able to be moved/touched by their emotions, even if there are no words. I wanted to feel it all.
Is this a survival technique? Is inpenetrable indifference such a wonderful thing? Those things are left to an individual's psyche and emotional gauge, but I speak for myself when I say I did not like that. There are times that I have to _act_ that way. There are even more times that I have to think that way.
But simply, I am not that way and I do not want to learn to think or be that way ever again.
It is great to be able to see so many perspectives from that viewpoint, but for me, I can't understand anything unless I feel through it. Even if I don't understand, I will continue towards that illusion of beginning towards comprehension.
After all, reality is the world we make it to be.
On another note, the Sukisyo ending and opening themes (I'm especially in love with the ET) are totally beautiful and I will have to purchase them soon! XD Both songs have an edge and gentleness that I've not found in a lot of music these days. They're very different so I truly encourage people to at least seek out 'Daydreamin'. It made me think of Zetsuai, though it is not as sexy as Koyasu's voice. But it is allthemore emotional to the point of desparation. It makes me think of the hopelessness of loving someone whom you can't get enough of. And it isn't that you want to keep on touching them with your hands or your heart, it's just that you can't get enough of them and each day is wonderful because they exist. (So, yeah, I feel like an obsessive Ryuichi living in between care and destruction.) That's what that song does to me.
My favorite part is "Ushinau toshitemo, dakishimetai mou ichidou". This means 'Even if it means losing everything, I want to hold you once again', or something close to that. Yes, for that moment, everything before it was enough. That's why I'll continue to bawl whenever I watch City of Angels. Ironically, that's my beloved hometown.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 at 02:00 p.m.
i'm a dork. fma on the brain. scratch that, sexy roy in writer's fantasies...
i already knew that, but i knew i had to go to sleep early since i have to TA at 9 in the morning today, but i was struck by sudden inspiration to do an FMA fic! of course i couldn't let it go! somehow, i wanted a roy x al. (Yes, you read correctly.) i like to experiment and my liking for odd pairings and/or ones with a large age gap shouldn't surprise anyone by now. ^______^
i am thoroughly satisfied with this one. it is called 'let's try again tomorrow'. i got it out of my system. i was confused and the sexual frustration's all done. ^___^ yeah, i'm happy!
'Now, I knew why he had answered the way he did. “Why would I ever want to leave you?”
I held him closer to me.
Even if you hated me, I didn’t want you to ever go away. But you were always compassionate and loving that way, never thinking like adults did when they forgot the various ways and kinds of dreaming.
All this time, I was so scared of you running away, Al…
…because I didn’t want to lose something precious all over again…'
song of the day: et of sukisyo
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 at 02:38 a.m.
oh yeah!
i forgot to mention what the other name for today was. i was quite amused:
Today is Single's Awareness Day! XD
But...but...I like being single, damn it!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, February 14, 2005 at 08:54 p.m.
only the first 10 mins of yakitate japan!
and i'm already dying! *ROFL* my favorite character is kurouyanagi! (well, it's 'cause he looked like ryousuke and because i pinpointed him as the koyasu character. plus, i watched it for koyasu-sama anyway.)
*sigh dreamily* i love him begging. i guess that's that part of me that's seme. i love torturing people until they beg. *cackles* ah, the voice of a screaming boy are bells to my ears...
makes me want 'em even more. ^_~
yui has been reading too much okane ga nai...
but still, to me, one of the scariest things in the world is the way duality says certain things on the telephone. it's a crime to talk that way~! XD *blushes all over again* why do you live to make me squirm?!?!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, February 14, 2005 at 06:51 p.m.
love you~!
*WINCES* My mommy called. And then my brother called! XD He played White Light for me while I was looking at this KAWAII pic (thank you, sweetie!). XD Now I'm going to have this stupid grin on my face because I've got an image in my head of that cute fic, but thinking of Ryousuke. *LOL* I hope you're all having a wonderful day!
Love you guys!
song of the day: white light! (ryousuke image song)
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, February 14, 2005 at 10:44 a.m.
I've been doing homework straight since 3:15pm today...
And this is my first break since then. But I had to! XD OMG! Rosevine-chan, thanks for Help! *hugs*
And sweetie! Thanks for the Sukisyo tracks! *CHU* XD I love you! *mwah again* KAPPEIIIII-sama~~!!!!!! OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!!! (And you too Hikaru-sama!!!!) *blink, blink*
Life is great! Didn't think I'd ever become this happy. And you know what? It's all mine. ^_____^ Well not really, I share everything...except Kappei-sama.
The sad but pitied truth: "I'm sorry, Brother. You already know. *embarassed smile* If it were between you and Kappei-sama, it's not that I don't love you, but...he'll always win." *looks at his girlfriend* *sighs* "I know, I know!" *Yui tunes out everything and everyone*
I'm currently listening to Kappei-sama's songs. *__* (Though, I still think Predilection is his crowning achievement. Just when I thought he couldn't sound any more seductive, he sure proved me wrong and then some! XD)
I wish that you're having a wonderful weekend too!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 13, 2005 at 07:48 p.m.
if I don't have time tomorrow...
Dear Minna-san,
I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow! I will probably be running all over the place and tutoring tomorrow (as I have suddenly been said that I will have to become a student teacher this semester XD). So, I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day to you and I love you! Take care and have a wonderful day!
I went to the Exploratorium and walked half of SF again with one of my friends. I had a great time! The nerd in me was so happy 'cause it clashed with my five-year-old tendencies. *_* I have a lot of homework that I'd like to be T__T right now but I'm not freaking out. I'm looking forward to Yakitate Japan! XD Meister is my fave and I love him with Koyasu-sama's character! Heh.
song of the day: c'est la vie by l'arc en ciel
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 13, 2005 at 02:30 p.m.
*wince*
why am i an insomniac? ;_;
i'm too tired to make a fic, but i can't go to sleep. *sighs*
on another note, i really need to develop some more writing skills. i'm quite awed by reading a little of 'aching desire' again, on a whim. as with some of the fics i re-read, i think, "_I_ wrote _that_? Is this for real? It seems...it seems...decent almost. Am I talking about the same person here?" <--constantly stuck like Shuichi
I wonder about making the last part to Nagareboshi. *_* What will that be like? *pounds head* Nope...that won't happen for a long, long while...
but nonetheless, aching desire assured me of one thing, "am...did i...i really feel like i'm paralleling tatsuha and ryuichi's thoughts right now. ah, the dilemmas of life..."
will i ever get anywhere in life?
let me say uh huh, merry go round...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, February 11, 2005 at 02:38 a.m.
*_* *is speechless*
i have actually seen the three covers of 'help'. it's that super rare murakami maki-sama original doujinshi that is pretty much the predecessor to gravitation. it's about 18-yr-old ryuichi falling in love with an older writer named tatsuha. sound familiar? XD that's why i'm really... "*_*" right now. XD I should be sleeping, but my insomnia is killing me.
fics sure to come - subaru, yuki (think whom you want for this one, i want to surprise readers and i hope i do a good job), and chibi fuji.
on another note, i want comedy. *lol* now i know i can write some angst and some waff and then some tension, i want something happy~! i'm feeling kind of down. T________________T my little brother~! *wince*
song of the day: masking pleasure around - kotani kinya
"Let me side on, very gold around" I love Kotani Kinya. XD
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, February 11, 2005 at 02:37 a.m.
ack! my search for that fanfic author!
yes, people, i went that far to search her all over the internet. seems bianca-san was a Gundam Wing Addiction author. *____* (<---Me: for real?!?!) but i am still totally in love with her fic 'radio fader'! i can still tell you what it's about too! XD and it's been 3 years already since i've read it. though i have a copy, it's buried among my cds. *sighs* i wish i could find her. i want to spread her genius.
on that note, XD i have to ask authors for permission now. Sesshat2511-sama let me link to her! (it's here on the blog.) I have to get new converts her. god this woman is amazing!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Wednesday, February 9, 2005 at 01:39 p.m.
prince of tennis 142
Tezuka-sama never ceases to amaze me like when I read my nightly dreams into the future and see that they come true in real life, whether or not I want them to. Rather, my amazement is caused by the fact that no matter how far behind I am now with PoT, he is a very good reason to go back to it. I always learn something that I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life. It sounds dramatic, but I genuinely mean it.
After this episode I just watched, I thought, "I will take hold of my life, the way I think, talk, act, write, and live, and I will do more than the best I can. I don't believe in ever reaching my 'limit'."
*snuggles Tezuka*
I am as lost as some of the people I know, but I hope to find the places I want to go to. And to tell you the truth, as of this moment, I never knew that I could do anything for anyone. But I found out through a lot of people in the way they message me or talk to me with a smile, just being there was enough. Just struggling to write and become better was always more than enough.
*breaks down* I didn't really believe I was so strong until now. Not until Rosevine pointed out my own quote:
I took on all your prayers and your words that you
couldn’t say to anyone.
Isn’t that why listened to me? I gave breath to the
words you couldn’t shout out to the world around you?
Duality always asked me, "Why do you underestimate yourself?" And I had a good explanation for that. It's a number of things.
But now, they don't seem to matter.
(=^___^=)
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, February 8, 2005 at 11:29 p.m.
My dream life?
Last semester, one of my close roommates looked at me curiously and asked, "Where do you think you'll be in five years?" I smiled at her and said, "Probably the same as I am now, only at another place and with a job."
She then asked me, "How about your love life? Think you'll be with anyone?" I answered, "Well, to tell you the truth, career is the only thing I've been so focused on. I've seen too many people fall in love and then blah. It scares me to death, you know. I thought I'd always be alone and somehow, it doesn't seem to bother me, for now. Well, I haven't started thinking about things like that until recently..."
And then, yesterday, I thought, "DANG! I WANT YUKI EIRI'S LIFE! It may be a bit simple, but he lives with Shuichi (both so devoted to one another), they don't think about money too much, and he gets to write currently. I guess I've always been a reserved person inside of my house, well, except with anime and especially yaoi. ^^v (My perverted nature arises. Hence, this is the other aspect of Eiri I painfully admit to envying.) Outside of the apartment, there's tumult, but I didn't think it's too bad. Then again, that's me. Shuichi's a genki ball with lots of love and energy to spare. ^^;;;; But what really gets to me is that I can't believe that when I re-read my Love Mode fic, I actually said that I shamefully envied Reiji and Naoe's relationship. I wouldn't ever say anything like that aloud, but it's true.
The not-so-contemplative thought yesterday was, "Why'd I wear pants so tight that they feel like they're spray painted?" --;;;;;;;;;; Me and my "I wanna dress well" modes...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, February 8, 2005 at 04:22 p.m.
i was inspired!
yesterday, i was asking readers on what to do with my lj so i am thankful for all the answers. i'm using it for character analysis and fic uploading as well 'blog tendencies'. so i am happy with its use. it is no longer 'just there'! i don't like things without purpose. ^^;;;; i feel there is nothing for me to build up from.
as of the moment, because of a lot of researching, i experimented in form and technique. and plot as well! so, i made a fic called 'blind devotion' for gravitation. it's a first person ryuichi (of course i had to try him but i will have to do a suby fic for his b-day!) in which he takes care of the uesugi boys when they're little. the main thing i like about it is because of his reactions and responses to the relationships he has with everyone - tohma, mika, eiri, and tatsuha. he changes a little with each of them. but my favorite part is the ending because it bridges a sweet ryu and someone who's just as seductive.
Replies to our local taggie board:
Duality...I have to check that out. I thought you meant the video game! XD I always think of _you_ doing the 'nyoronyoro'!
Rosevine-chan - *LOL* in the way of clothes, underwear is sufficient huh? i like your response, but i like clothes. there's more fun in taking them off. well, for me. ^^v And *lol* you got an lj account! *hi fives* You're welcome for spreading the love! Congrats on getting TB!!
Sweetie - *LOL* Well, if you say so, then I think I have to see more Youka Nitta manga, now will I? As for Kakashi...*_* Damn, he is THE SEX. *WINCES* I downloaded around 70+ pictures of him. I took my time to look for him. He is HOT. (But one fan artist draws Naruto's dad like Cloud!!! *_______* *nosebleed*) I miss you! Oh, and thanks for the yaoi referrals! ^_~v I knew I could count on you!
song of the day: final distance by utada (remix) *_*
it's a pretty song. actually, i heard it when nikoniko sang it to me in karaoke. she has a very diverse and pretty voice! XD everyone should hear her! (and she can play a good guitar too!) it's like 'hikari'. i didn't like it until she sang it to me!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, February 8, 2005 at 01:03 p.m.
check out my two latest pics!
i molest-er, modified them for my use on my website. ^____^v
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kanglin/
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 6, 2005 at 08:06 p.m.
oh dear...
i looked over way too many kakashi pics...*____* I've been staring at the screen for so long that I'm dying for all the oozing love and greatness and all the bright colors. *_*
all i have to say is that i make this my kakashi's motto:
"Sexy? _You_ don't _know_ what's _SEXY_." *goes back to reading Icha icha Paradise* *pretends to be indifferent*
The lesson for today is: You don't have to say what you are when attitude speaks for everything.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 6, 2005 at 01:18 a.m.
naruto? hmm...i thought i was more of rock lee. ^^;; not a genius, but hardworking.
Which Naruto Character are You?
quiz by orangeday.net
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, February 6, 2005 at 12:18 a.m.
today has been a good day!
so far, it's been wonderful! ^_____^ i'm too lazy to do homework though...*sighs*
i stayed up looking at naruto and initial d dj covers. *__* whoa, those things are AWESOME. i have to admit, damn itachi, sasuke should be my number one, but then i discovered the wonderful world of kakashi~! (itachi, if sasuke does something REALLY cool that surpasses your coolness, i'm totally going for your brother. maybe. *LOL*) i mean, kakashi goes EVERYWHERE. he's with EVERYONE (naruto, sasuke, iruka, that other guy, and sakura). it's a little scary, but also nice. more pics! and i can't help but think that kakashi looks good from ANY angle. i don't care what picture i see, kakashi just looks so damn hot, fun, evil, and sweet all at the same time! i mean it, there hasn't been a picture that i've not liked. *_____* i mean, c'mon...guy with silver hair, mismatched eyes, adorable or 'i'm so damn smart i'll kick your ass' smile, AND he's so smart! the main question that's going through my head is 'how many ways does he know how to f--- someone if he learned so much with that sharingan?' i'm serious! i don't know why i thought that (maybe 'cause it was 4 in the morning and i lose all my inhibitions when i'm really sleepy). but it's something _interesting_ to think about. (for now, i'd have to say youka nitta-sama and minami ozaki-sensei have, er, the most 'interesting' positions for yaoi pictures. though i'm curious about ayane-sensei's blood thing going on, as said on adri's blog a while back.)
then, i went to sleep and woke up not knowing what to do for the day. i decided to go downtown to the wharf. on the way, i always do something different to make each walking trip (which i do every week) enjoyable. this time, i was looking at everything and not really thinking about stuff. that was nice. i actually was distracted! i was looking for mazdas. *sweatdrop* *puts one index finger up* But I _did_ find one! the mazda rx-7 was a pretty, sparkly red and purred as it zoomed by. *swoons* then, i shamelessly went into one store because there were TWO, not just ONE, but TWO bishounen. *blink, blink* (I found another one in Chinatown!) then i walked over to the beach area, rested a bit, and headed to Chinatown. It finally hit me that it was New Year's. (Yes, even though I am not Chinese, but look like one, my family celebrates Chinese New Years in some way.) I love going through the crowds. Because of my mad initial d weaving skillz, i'm able to walk through crowds now, anticipate a 'line', and not slow down, but actually speed up without bumping into people. ^^v (i know i'm a dork...but one with a BeBoy Comics tote bag. Mwahahahaha!) then i walked over to japantown to purchase a metal model kit. yes, i gave in to ryousuke. ;_; (not that that takes very much on my part. i'm already mush at the mention of his name.) it's so pweettttyyy. *proud* then, i came home. now, i'm kind of lazy.
i have all these fics 1/4 done, but i'm tired right now. i hope i can find a kind soul who will give me naruto in exchange for...i don't know. but i'd offer something good. *smiles* :D
i will reply to certain people in a few days. thank you for talking to me! that's part of the reason why i was happy today. both online and not, i was talking to people with this big smile on my face. ^^v
well, not only that, but i kept on watching naruto parodies. XD for now, i just wish there was more gaara to watch. *_* i kind of like the gaara pairings, either with sasuke or naruto. gaara is SO adorable. he reminds of someone for some reason. i can't quite put my finger on it though.
latest fic? naruto once again! it's called 'even if he walks a path paved with blood'. it's a itasasu fic. (i hope i write other pairings like my kakashi x sasuke! XD) it's about sasuke being an 'avenger' to save itachi. i will do better next time, but i like the intensity. i like this angle i took.
i hope you're having a wonderful day too, wherever you are! *kisses on forehead* i spread my joy to whomever reads this.
song of the day: still, little by little's naruto song. ^_^ *_*
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 09:02 p.m.
my lj, in case you're curious...
there's not much there, but i comment from time to time when i feel it should be there and not here on the blog. as my brother put it, 'so you only use that account to comment on posts, don't you?'
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=kanglin
I. AM. OBSESSED. OVER. ITACHI. He and Sasuke are SO suby and sei to me right now~! XD
song of the day: kanashimi wo yasashisa ni by little by little
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 02:53 a.m.
Shikamaru's correct...I like laid back people. We balance!
Well, he is one of my favorite characters! ^_^v
Who I love the most in Naruto:
1) Itachi
2) Kakashi (actually, he's tied with Itachi, but Itachi has red, blood, and he's evil... XD)
3) Sasuke
4) Gaara
5) Shikamaru
6) Ino
7) Chouji
8) Naruto
song of the day: Hajimete Kimi to Shabetta by GAGAGA
I think it's an adorable song. XD Story of my love life! *LOL* I stutter like a freak...forget my already poor speaking skills...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Wednesday, February 2, 2005 at 02:33 p.m.
latest fic update
I have a lot of things to update on my website, so please be patient with me. I've got Larva model pictures. XD (Never thought I'd swoon over something 1/4 my size...)
Anyways, the latest fic is Naruto. It's called 'prove it to me'. I find it interesting because Itachi and Sasuke are practically thinking the same about one another, but they go about it in opposite ways. Well, foremost, the inspiration for this? The thought of a chibi Sasuke jumping an Itachi greatly amused my perverted mind...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 11:20 p.m.
lust is the sin i carry. (damn proud of it too! kinda. eh heh.)
you know, in my whole life, there were only two girls who ever made me turn my head (and *makes a sign of the cross* i lusted over them) because they were so beautiful: a goth girl and a random girl i found in some computer lab in ucla. (yes, the latter one, i was on a chat board when she walked by and i stared...and stared...even when she sat down...). i'm an aesthetic...my car loving hobby is also becoming this obsessive (2nd time 'round, i guess), but i've gone over the net just looking for satou eri pictures. she really is pretty. i don't know why i'm so taken in by her. *_* and just as much, i have been actively looking for itachi fics. why? no more initial d ones. ;_; yes, i've crossed the line with ItaSasu fics...I'm staring at my new calendar now. I need to feed my hunger for bishounen!
As I get older, I've become particular about my tastes and interests. Bishounen are people I'll always lust after.
*thinks again* Did I just tell my new roomie I'm a pervert? *LOL* I did! ;_; Well, as always, I like to say I love looking at beautiful people and things.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 09:14 p.m.
x-post with lj / i have just decided!
Today, I definitely will make Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, and Prince of Tennis the new set of titles that I will always write for in addition to Gravitation and Tokyo Babylon.
This is a big thing for me! ^___^ After all, I don't like spreading myself too thin...
song of the day: once again, 'stop your self control'. *lol* i walked around sf singing this. so freakin' awesome! 'you play me like a flipper, up and down and left and right, like a ball. i want you to be my stripper...'
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 08:33 p.m.
random thoughts
I don’t know why I did this, but I wanted to share this with you. These are just random thoughts about myself for your perusal. I know I’m too honest for my own good and later I’ll find myself wondering how courageous I can be when I always feel so unconfident. ^^;;;
I just wrote whatever came to mind.
Seiyuu that makes me happy: Yamaguchi Kappei-sama
Seiyuu that turns you on no matter what character he/she plays: Kazuhiko Inoue and Megumi Ogata
Three top Clamp titles: Tokyo Babylon, Wish, Suki Dakara Suki (MIKKU-sama~!)
Favorite rock group of all time: L’arc en ciel
Favorite songs by L’arc: Ibara no namida, Kasou, Stay Away, Niji, Spirit Dreams Inside (English), Dive to Blue, Flower
What do you look for in music: Makes me feel a range of emotions.
First story you ever wrote: About twins and one was brainwashed called ‘Are you my sister?’ in eighth grade.
First fanfic: Ranma – Losing Everything
How many original stories have you done: More than a hundred.
How many fanfics have you done: Honestly don’t know. Does this mean all the unfinished ones as well that I never gave to anyone?
Who are your favorite fanfic authors: Isabella Kraft, Neko, Shuichi (former gravi ml member who got sick…), the author of ‘Radio Fader’, Evangeline
What exactly do I want to do when I write: Hope to Kami-sama that it came out well and that my feelings and messages get through. I always want to leave a sense of hope.
What do you write about: life, thoughts, and love
What do you mostly write from: observation and experience
Do you dedicate anything: Thank you to my lifesaver…if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here enjoying my angst. ^____^
Something you can’t go to sleep without: Peter James, my cute teddy bear who is almost 18 years old.
Favorite couples of all time: Seishirou x Subaru; Ryuichi x Tatsuha; Itachi x Sasuke, Tezuka x Fuji, Akira x Hikaru; Yuki x Hatsuharu
Strange/Odd pairings that you enjoy: Ryousuke, Keisuke, and Takumi; Syusuke x Yuuta; Tohma x Suguru; Ryuichi x Yuki; Misato x Shinji; Ogata x Sai
Your worst character trait: Gets stressed out too easily
Your best character trait: Doesn’t give up
Cosplay you felt most comfortable as: Everyone, especially Subaru and Kazuki
Wants to cosplay as: Suzuka, Shin’s sister (Tenjou Tenge), Heavenly Hyde
How I feel as a first born: There are too many things that go unsaid and you are accountable for.
Your favorite car: Porche box car convertible, previously…now a Toyota Corolla ’81. (I’m biased towards any Toyota made before 1990 actually. I used to be a car fanatic when I was little.)
Favorite art period: Impressionism, particularly Mary Cassatt
Art you know the most about: Hokusai and Hiroshige
Favorite book of all time: The Master Puppeteer
Favorite tale: The Crane
Languages you have attempted to study: Japanese, Chinese, French, Tagalog
What do you pay attention to when you first meet someone: eyes, voice, and the way they speak (give me a good conversation)
What annoys the hell out of you about people: rudeness and shallowness
When you’re feeling shallow yourself, what are you physically attracted to: waist, legs, neck, and eyes
What is the common trait of everyone you’ve ever liked, both as friends and crushes: anti-social and/or super quiet/reserved.
Why’d you even bother to talk to Duality: ‘cause she was a challenge. The plus later was that the more I looked at her, she’s very good to look at. ^_~
Why’d you love Niko: She’s diehard loyal and awesomely demented, but cute. My fellow yaoi smut buddy.
Why’d you pursue searching for Winnie the Pooh: You can’t get away. I told you I’d be with you until the end.
Comments on Adri: I hold you up for everyone to see as proudly as Ogata for Akira.
What do you love about your readers: They’re just insane and awesome and super, super cute! XD
Advice you live by: ‘Just keep on going’. I still believe in your words, ‘Rui’.
Something amusing a friend has told you: “Just stand there and look good. I’ll take care of the rest.” XD
Frustrated you the most about friendship: How come some people use you after all you’ve done?
Love the most about friendship: There’s always someone there.
When you’re around cute people, what do you do: never talk and perpetually think you have no chance with them (which is why I just stare)
When you’re around people, how do you deal with social situations: Talk as if I know what the hell I’m saying, with a smile!
Question you always want to ask people: How do you feel about life? Tell me please. Teach me!
Question you always want to ask people about yourself: Do I have a friendly face that people always talk to me?
Honestly, think you’re cute: No freakin’ way.
What are you most vain about: My clothes.
Think you pull off whatever you wear: Um, no…wish I did. I dress with what I like, but I don’t care if it doesn’t suit me.
Motto for clothes: Cute, but sexy.
Favorite author: Natsume Soseki (Kokoro)
When I’m happy, what do I do: arcade or beach or write a fanfic
When I’m sad, what do I do: sing too many songs, write a fanfic, listen to Kappei-sama (if I’m on a low, read Boys Next Door and listen to Zetsuai)
Think of yourself as smart: Naw, that’s my little brother. I just make simulations and work hard. That’s my luck.
How do you stay optimistic: I pretend that I know exactly what I want and who I want to become because eventually, I will do just that. There is never an ‘if’, only a ‘when’. I know someday it will pay off. Why? I met too many wonderful people to believe otherwise.
What was the point of this whole thing: Just wanted to tell you who I am, that’s all. I know sometimes I don’t get back to people and I’m slow with emails, but I do remember people, no matter how long it’s been. I know some people are mad at me, and I’m sincerely sorry. I’m only trying my best, and I love you. That’s why as bad as Yuki as I am with telling my side of things, at least here, I wanted to say something.
Even if I hurt myself and get frustrated, I don’t know how to regret. I don’t want to learn how to. It just pushes me to learn to love and understand more.
If you want to ask me a random question, please just leave a msg on the taggie board or email me. ^_^
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, January 28, 2005 at 01:22 a.m.
^_____^ I miss Suby.
In dedication to someone's b-day???
If you can't read the caption, it's says, "What's underneath is most important!" Now, how you interpret that is to your own discretion. Being the way I am...*SMILE* ^_~
Fav. quote of the day: ero sennin who says to naruto, 'hey, you look kind of sexy, naked like that.' *now thinks of Itachi* *melts into a puddle* damn fine psycho...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 07:54 p.m.
my lj pic that i made! ^__^
kawaii deshou ne?
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, January 27, 2005 at 07:31 p.m.
 | You scored as Hinata. You are generally shy, a bit of a loner, and often misunderstood. You wish you could be more self-assured, independent and stronger. That’s why you’re determined to change yourself. There is a person who gives you the strenght to do that, a person you admire from afar.
Which Naruto ninja are you most like? created with QuizFarm.com |
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, January 24, 2005 at 08:09 p.m.
damn utada...
...i'm stuck on that one line, 'i wanna be with you now...' ;_; dunno why, but i just announced this to the entire world right now...hahaha...
nothing beats 'stop your self control'. i love the part where it says 'i want you to be my stripper and take off all your clothes in the dark.'
damn it all...i'm on a bad writer's block again. and this year marks that i will turn into 1/4 of a century. am i that old?????!!!!!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, January 24, 2005 at 12:32 a.m.
maybe i'm just a little brat...
maybe i'm just too nice after all, but i like to pester people when i know they love me as much as i love them. ^___^ (don't even think of commenting to this, duality. YOU ARE the BITCH goddess!) i don't know why i'm writing this, but i'm happy all over again. i think i've really changed my attitude towards life. um...i just have to learn to open up more if i have a problem.
duality, i miss you~! ;_; damn eye candy...
someone's b-day is coming...i have to think of something super cute. *_* ;_; ack, speaking of, i have to think of anime costume this year. as always, the goal is: cute, but sexy. ^^v and preferably a boy who looks likes a girl or little girls. ^^v i can't pull off the super sexy bitch body thing. a'int happening...*thinks of satou eri again* damn...she is hot.
*waves energetically* kirby has returned and with a vengeance!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 08:47 p.m.
i have finally watched some of naruto
ah, i'm glad i got back to it. i liked sasuke from the first moment i saw him, but watching 1 ep wasn't enough. i watched up to 3 until i didn't have time or anyone to ask it from. and now, i was able to borrow a couple of episodes. it's as endearing as fruits basket, only without the salient lessons. the lessons in naruto are really strong. (though i would say i extremely dislike sakura, and i think she's much more intolerable compared to tohru. ^^;;; can't stand people who give up so easily...)
i was converted to watch naruto (like PoT with the dj) because of itachi. i love that boy. he is simply psychotic. and i love sasuke. though, i would say my preferences are leaning towards itachi and then kakashi. (kakashi's a cool guy. i've got this warped pairing of kakashi x sasuke because of some beautiful card one of my friend's friend made with a bloody masked kakashi leaning his head upside down while sasuke's holding onto his face and kissing him.)
now i fully understand why girls fawn over the sasuke and naruto pairing. they ARE adorable! i mean, come on, i love itachi x sasuke. (that says a lot.) sasuke first smiles at naruto when he's teasing him. (sure looks like what his brother did to him...) to tell the truth, my favorite part is actually when itachi pokes sasuke. that's why i always mention that part in my fics. to me, it's like the sakura scene with beloved suby and sei.
ah, what to do about collecting eps for this series?! ;_; i'll find a way... nothing will stop me from watching itachi. i only watched that ep once and i etched that deeply into my brain. and that was like 70 eps ago, was it? during the summer i mean. i like itachi 'cause he's psycho, but very sweet in an obsessive kid of way.
on another note, i hope to get my anime watching sessions out of my system and move back to writing fics even though i'm on a writer's block again. ;_;
i'm just happy that i got the intial d artbook. i thought of it relentlessly. and now i've decided that i shall also collect for this series. if not everything, at least everything ryousuke related. it is strange that i'm all over him when i actually am in love with takumi. *_*
going along with that same subject of obsessiveness, is it too crazy to be totally infatuated with a pin-up girl? *_* well, i don't care, but it proves how much more crazy i've become. i don't know why but i REALLY like satou eri. she really is cute and charming. it's rare for me to find people who give me that kind of feeling of 'wow...'
this year, i again resolve to build up my confidence and to become even more patient. i'm scared of what will happen after graduating, but it's not bugging me that much because i know things will fall where they should as long as i believe they will and as long as i try hard.
i'm always so optimistic. (ah, duality, how do you put up with such an smiling, idealistic fool?)
again, itachi~! when will you come back? you're so freakin' awesome! *suddenly thinks of that intial d author...and dies all over again*
song of the day: gamble rumble by move
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 03:58 a.m.
oh my freakin' god~! (oh no, i used one of my own quotes...)
thank you rosevine-san~! i don't what the hell i did for your support and love, but I LOVE YOU~! i've looked at your intial d recommendation and found an AMAZING AUTHOR.
i shall throw myself at her feet. such genius~! i'm at that point of 'why the hell do i write?' bout again like with isabel-sama~! ;_; *_* whoa...hot and good characterization... *takes a deep breath* *is growing dizzy from excitement* i shall follow this woman...to the point that i wanna make a list of my own fic recommendations to host on my site 'cause she's so damn awesome!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Saturday, January 22, 2005 at 02:13 a.m.
i wasn't bored...just curious
YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI!! I eat yaoi, breath yaoi,
sleep and dream about yaoi. IT'S MINE I TELL
YOU!! MMMIINNEEE!!
How much into yaoi are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your like an angel. You pocess love and bring love
to any thing or person. You love being
yourself. Even though your cute or not. I think
your just awesome. Like you are peace:)
What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Shota-Con Fan
What Kind of a Hentai Yaoi Freak are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I plead guilty to this one. I was just discussing with someone how I always like couples with age gaps.
| You Are a Hunter Soul |
|
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, January 21, 2005 at 11:36 p.m.
a million things
There are a lot of things always going through my head. I had to tell my mother that I'm quite disturbed. If someone doesn't talk to me, I'm always constantly thinking. And though I'm flattered by people who tell me I give good advice and I'm always surprised by how articulate I can be (okay, i'm smart a few times...), I still have to get over the obstacle of becoming easily confused and discouraged. I try my hardest in all I do, and I've learned that that is all I can do. That is all I should believe in.
I know I complain too much and I tend to repeat things because I'm slowly learning and building myself, but that's just my way of saying that it bugs me. I don't outright tell people my problems so it's hard for me when people say, "Just say it." It's easy for me to listen, but it's hard for me to tell, having not been used to such a thing. Sometimes, I feel that my opinion does not matter to another person and so they humor me, rare as that may be. Ah, but who cares about that anyway.
I'm just trying to understand one thing at a time as well as certain prototypes of people to comprehend the root of things. That is all for now.
I also plan to master Initial D. Even if I suck at it, I hope to improve. I usually do not do so well with video games and plateau after a certain point. I don't know why, but it happens. I hope this time I will figure out the problem I've been trying to solve for years. It is funny that I am always like that. Everyday, I try something new for something that I should already be used to doing. That keeps my life exciting, interesting, and always educational. Like when I write, I always try to experiment with different techniques. Or if I approach a certain class, I will try to refine my plan from the last class similar to the one I'm currently taking.
Is this what is called multi-tasking? *lol* I hope I am as organized as I present myself to be.
I guess all I really want is that I hope I have not wasted my life and that I constantly learn. But I hope in some way someone has learned from me. That's part of the reason why I love to write stories. There are a million plots and ideas, but I try to pinpoint what I really wanna say.
Currently, I'm watching Ippo to the point that I don't wanna write fanfics at the moment. I'm fried after attempting one everyday. Hahaha....it's so interesting! I wish I could give that kind of inspiration to others in the form of, 'Never Give Up~!!!' (And I was suckered to like that one character...damn it all. It's like when I saw Nicholas from Trigun and he loved children. *_* *melt* He instantly became my fav. Trigun character. Children are my ultimate weakness, forget chocolate when I'm next to them...)
Again...I will try again. I'm a fool like Subaru. I love people and meeting them and getting know them. I'm not perfect with communication, but I'm perpetually grateful those who are patient with me. I think I've learned now what I'm missing and on how to become smarter, kinder, and more understanding.
AH~! WHY IS THERE NO MORE GOLDEN BOY?!?! I love that show! I told my brother what I learned from it. And I love that boy! (Why do I like the ones that look kind of slow but are really super smart and reflective? Damn [insert name in Yui's head]...you ruined me! Just like anime bishounen!) But I still would marry Takumi in a heartbeat! ^____^v He's just...well, perfect!
I'm a lucky girl -->got a blue Keisuke card when I got my tune up in the initial d game.
Now, I'm on a desparate search for more Mazda RX-7 FC3S series cars for Initial D. Ah, what would I give for more Ryousuke figures? Don't ask. Smile and nod with me. Ryousuke is one character that if he were real, I'd forget what morality meant and convert to the religion of Ryou. Hahaha...Worshipping shall take lots of effort and energy.
My mother said, "You had chocolate? Why? Who gave it to you?"
Me: "You did."
Mom: ;_;
Me: "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." (ala remix by yours truly)
Yes, I'm going crazy. I need Initial D...maybe I should move onto just collecting awful doujinshi...where are the fics? boo hoo hoo...
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, January 21, 2005 at 01:41 a.m.
after the news...
someone, be kind, do your good deed...
...and simply kill me. *laughs*
ah, whenever i think i will reach happiness, it's never meant to be mine no matter how much i try.
on a happier note, i wrote a new fic for kazuki called 'orchid child':
"I hugged myself and cried as the people closed their doors and windows. For the first time in my life, I cried so loud that I didn’t know that it was my own voice I was listening to.
I could see her face inside of my head, those powerful blue eyes as intense as the water or the sky.
Her eyes told me, “You knew my secret, as with others here, didn’t you? But you didn’t care that some of us were programs. You didn’t care that you would get hurt. Still, you dared to take care and love us all.”"
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, January 20, 2005 at 02:04 a.m.
one person asked me to do a sakura and tomoyo fic...
...i write the plot while he describes the lemon. ^^;;; well, lemme just say that today marks a breakthrough for me. i have officially written my first yuri fic. not shoujo ai, but yuri. *_*
and it wasn't for tsubasa...but for angelic layer. go me.
I NEED INTIAL D SMUT. i usually am not so awful as to say that (which I don't ever do), but finding initial d fics with my threesome is hard. *_* i think i will make a seme takumi fic in the future.
on another happy note, it's almost someone's b-day~! ("Kimi ga otoshita kiseki de...")
*GLOMP* SHORTCAKE~! I LOVE YOU~! ^______^
Yumei-chan...doko desu ka? *thinks of a tenipuri fic to bring her back*
Tarepanda~! ;_; I miss you bunches.
Ah, Kamitra-san, I miss your entries. You're one of the people I love to read about...i'm an avid follower. I like you much.
Rosevine-san...*SUPER TACKLE HUGGLE GLOMP*
And if anyone has any ideas what I can use my lj for, please do so!
song of the day: night flight to tokyo
Yes, I'm on crack. My brother bought me cookies and my favorite sushi yesterday. I also got lots of Initial D goodies (cleared out everything the Ryousuke supply that they had to resupply the store...) and lots of Japanese chocolate. Yes, for now, I am satisfied.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 at 12:16 p.m.
keisuke - the hottie that just never stops...
as i look at one of a's pictures, i can't believe how much i love the pictures she shares with me. ;_; *looks at the keisuke doujinshi pics again* *thinks of that one dj that won't leave her mind*
yes, keisuke, dumb as you are like taku at times, i will always believe you saying with every luscious pose, 'fuck me.' (and of course, i want ryousuke or takumi to ravish him. *smile, smile*) ryousuke for me always says to kei or taku, 'let me take advantage of you. then again, you have no choice because this is all part of my plan.' so what about my wonderful takumi? takumi: 'i'm adorable...take advantage of me 'cause i won't even know.' *lick* *yui glomps onto a chibi taku and chibi cloud* *mad laughter ensues*
ah, the stuff little boys are made of.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 at 06:08 p.m.
'rewrite' / gravitation fic
Once novelist told us, "If you want to become a writer, you've got to think like one." From then on, only recently did I start to care to write something every single day. Even if I failed or succeeded, I would write to try many different things. I didn't know what would inspire me or what I would write or how, but I ended up writing in a notebook. From that notebook for my ongoing manuscript, I take out parts when I feel I can bring out their true meaning or improve them when writing a fanfic. And 'rewrite' was one of them.
I did a lot of things. But among all of them, I tried to find a balance between thoughts, character development, and plot development. So as Yuki is paired with many people, he sees different parts of himself. On a side note, I guess I didn't like Yuki, unconsciously, (before i totally disliked him and then grew to love him so much) i saw the person i used to be. and i didn't like that unfeeling person who would push everyone away while pretending to be 'strong'. still there is that part of me that will always be cold, but it's a great sense of accomplishment to see how far you've come.
There was more to what I wrote in my notebook, but this was my favorite part, which I put in 'rewrite'. It's ambiguous, but I'd like to take it from the perspective that he's writing from Ryuichi's perspective as he sees himself. Then, from another angle, he's writing about his own thoughts about he came to this point and wish he could have said to Ryuichi.
from 'rewrite':
As I pondered through blurriness, I said to myself, “I am a writer. Words mean _everything_.” But for one who is unaccustomed to talking, I am unable to open my mouth. Foolish people think that if they’re given the opportunity to talk, then that’s it.
That is anything but the case.
You have to plan the time, the delivery, the mood for these words. The words themselves have separate meanings strung together.
After all, how stupid are you to ask a mute to talk?
I study words. I write them. I articulate their usage. I know how underestimated and overestimated words can and have been.
They’re not to be said or taken so lightly.
And yet, you expected me to forgive you for your folly when I induced nothing of that nature? You’re quite foolish.
‘I’m sorry’ isn’t good enough.
The sound of the rain drowns my ears with its melodious, synchronous humming.
Silence and words are awfully, horrible things when used in context.
You lied to me. You say you care, but you turn on me when the circumstances are against your favor. Care means to love deeply, respect at all times, and to look out for another’s well-being.
It isn’t a matter of convenience.
Yes, you ran away all over again. And here I stand to take up what you’re leaving behind. That’s what responsible people do. That’s what strong people face everyday. That’s what it means to really live.
And so, if you think I’m just whining about another injustice, think as you like. You always say I think I’m always right.
But, I have an answer to counter that: When have I ever forgotten not to see what’s wrong?
I didn’t ever say I was right because nothing like that exists.
So, after all this, I truly wonder if it I wise to have a mute execute the art of speech after meticulous inspection and observation about everything around him/her?
If you’re weak, you shouldn’t ask for a sure way to suicide. If you’re strong, don’t be pompous to think that’ll be enough to survive.
Words are wonderful entities. I know that very well.
They’re life-threatening too. I know that even more so.
And yet, why don’t we understand anything?!
song of the day: the cape of storms by hyde-sama
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 at 01:37 p.m.
interesting thing from aja-san!
Het-friendly Yaoi Fan! Now entering the Circle of
Sanity!~
Where Do You Fall in Fandom Politics?
brought to you by Quizilla
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 at 04:36 a.m.
kotae. (the answer)
after milling around for some time like some meandering spirit who walks among humans but feels like a non-participant at times, i did a lot thinking and talking with nikoniko. (thank you very much!!) i think, finally, i have found the foundation or foothold that i've been looking for some time now. i guess i am more surprised at the fact that i feel sorry for people who don't want to think further than they can. it's like hearing a sermon and stories. i like church or meeting different people and personally, for me, i believe there is such things as the world and/or community because everyone contributes a different perspective to life, no matter if it is the same theme or message. that's why there are different people in the world. they each have their own interpretations and i like hearing them.
as always, it has come to the fact of: just do what you do. you're fine. as long as you know your priorities and live sincerely, things will turn out all right. it will always be difficult to trust people, but i can't let that stop me from living the way i have.
maybe i have thought too much about everything, but i will continue to grow into someone who can understand more, keep her sanity, and love deeper. i just try my best, no matter how many people may not believe me or think i've failed them in some way. but in the end, that's life. i just don't want to take crap from people who say they've changed but haven't done a damn thing to understand themselves. i get confused when people tell me one thing and do another, like some friends. which one do you trust and which do you believe even though they are both the same person? one of the things i've concluded? you feel the sincerity out. and there are some who have said my integrity in writing is poor. i don't care.
i know the truth about myself. the people that care know the truth. as long as i can still look at myself without faltering, then i am okay.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Sunday, January 16, 2005 at 10:25 p.m.
aitakatta.
i've been here for about a month and i've not seen anyone except my one close friend, who tried to fix my computer even though it was still temperamental. (man, he's so nice~, i love him. * wince * i have cruel and kind friends...) i miss a lot of people. ;_; but i will keep the pan show/yakitate japan close to my heart. shou hayami and koyasu takehito are working together!!!! *_* (my favorite pairing is meister x [kou...something/koyasu's character] because she goes back to Zetsuai days. *dreamy sigh* Especially when koyasu's character protested against the meister, we knew who was seme and uke then. Hahahaha...) that meister kirisaki is REALLY cool. *_* *giggle horribly whenever she sees him* i think i smiled and blushed so much that i was so sad when the string of episodes i watched ended. ;_;
yesterday/this morning, i ended up doing two fics. i did a naruto one with itachi from a first-person perspective. hard to conceptualize him~! i nearly died from the two hours i spent. *_* it's hard to keep him cool, not sappy, but all the more psychotic at the same time. i was aiming that the cause of his grief and psychotic nature was his grudge at falling for sasuke. then, i did a tenipuri ficlet about atobe waiting all these years to defeat tezuka (which doesn't count in my head).
song of the day: some really cool korean song.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, January 14, 2005 at 02:25 p.m.
the greatness that doesn't describe koyasu takehito.
at having been told that koyasu-sama has gone into another anime that was told me a long long time ago, i decided to go ahead and watch it. seeing the opening theme, i really thought the ryousuke look-alike was him and i pinpointed correctly. * WINCE * (HE IS SUCH A CRACK-UP~! Actually, he's a NUT. *_*)Yakitate Japan is SO dorky so... it's PERFECT FOR ME~! MWAHAHAHAHA~! *cackles* The main character's so genki~! *_*
reoccuring thought through the years: i can't think of the day koyasu-sama ever retires from seiyuudom. boohoo~! i LOVE his voice as much as Kappei-sama, Seki-sama, Chika-sama, and Ogata-sama! ^____^v only some of the new seiyuu have impressed me, but can you beat ishida akira-sensei who has been in it forever? ^^v *_* seiyuu are wonderful. (ack, why i am listening to zetsuai again?)
*thinks of takumi* *glomp* demo...demo...the boy from Golden Boy is HOT. He is BUILT AND INTELLIGENT. ;_; Oh! Where are you glorious bishies?
song of the day: some sad korean song i don't understand. all i know it's about a guy who loves this girl that he tries to comfort, but she doesn't even like him as a friend, so she rejects him all together. ;_; -reference through korean roommate
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 03:45 p.m.
Kasou by L'arc en Ciel
Coming apart, the scattered petals of a flower drip crimson.
Insufficient moon! Reflecting eternal love that goes round and round.
Yet, I opened my eyes.
My body wastes away.
Its brilliance is lost
and leaves only its consciousness
in waiting for Spring
Beloved, you are as you should be,
softly becoming frozen
while breaking in your embrace.
Look! The abyss of dreams is calling out,
as if for always.
On the night which bloomed out of season, a melody of the unsleeping soul
floating to the surface within the darkness is, at most, my gift of farewell.
Gravity is on the increase as a time goes by
My body returns to the Earth
There is sky up in the air
My body is in your sky and your life is in my cosmos
We never come close to each other
But here we exist as it is...
After struggling and arriving at ‘the end’,
the changing birth of pain.
To be swallowed up by the earth,
The binding promise of
the death of the world.
Coming apart, the scattered petals of a flower drip crimson.
Insufficient moon! Reflecting eternal love that goes round and round.
Tonight is still a dream, to reflect
the contempt and hatred within closed eyes.
On the night which bloomed out of season, a melody of the unsleeping soul
floating to the surface within the darkness is, at most, my gift of farewell.
Coming apart, the scattered petals of a flower drip crimson.
Insufficient moon! Reflecting eternal love that goes round and round.
on the night which bloomed out of season.
Translator’s notes: I was always curious what this song meant. It always soothed me so I wanted to translate it. In doing so, it was difficult because Hyde-sama (I get the feeling) likes to do puns. But I took this from the angle of a ballad.
Translation by miyamoto yui
Monday, January 10, 2005
7:59 PM
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, January 10, 2005 at 08:01 p.m.
my chibi keisuke!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Monday, January 10, 2005 at 01:24 a.m.
i wll fix 'sincerely yours'
i am mad at myself for making such stupid mistakes so i will fix that fic. usually i'm not this awful. gosh, i wish i could explain myself better. but even when i do, i wonder if it is my fault for failing to convey my message? at the rate things are going, things are usually my fault. i wish i were a kinder person so that i could understand people's motivation, then i wouldn't feel like such a bitch. maybe i've been lying to myself that i've been nice all these years. for the past month, i can see that so clearly. *clears throat*
yes, i am sick all over again. damn it all. *goes into hiding*
sorry, but i don't like the world right now.
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Friday, January 7, 2005 at 05:48 p.m.
night flight to tokyo...
don't who sang it, but that's the song i've been playing for the past few days. (don't know why, but takumi always comes into my head whenever i hear this song. *_* TAKUMI. TAKUMI...;_; so what if he's not real. stop reminding me i can't marry him. boo hoo hoo...) i don't know when i started to think that 24 hours was definitely NOT enough for me to do all that i wanted. well, in any case, my cold's almost completely gone (save the throat thing) and i hope my writer's block will be gone as well. i've not been feeling well, so sorry for the absolute silence. some days i didn't even bother to look at the internet. ^^;;; that's how out of it i was. well, that and the fact that hatsuharu and takumi kept me glued lazily on my bed. i have done nothing but read initial d, other manga, and watch fruits baskets.
*sighs* i'm just sad my teacher gave me a B- even though i got b+ and above on everything except that one test. ;_; but successfully, i passed all my classes with almost all a's. ^__________^ <---feels smart again. ;_; <---prolly won't last long. *_*
anyway, happy new year to everyone! let's make this another wonderful year!
Most probable answer? I'm losing my inhibitions over Takahashi Ryousuke.
Thursday, January 6, 2005 at 03:05 p.m.