tezuka and ryouma and fuji should be together. *nods head* yes!
I'm so proud of myself. I made my third comedy fic ever! (The first was Ranma. Second was Gravi, and now this.) ^^v I'm amused by the inui x kaidou pairing, but if you think i'm fervent about the tezuka x fuji or fuji x tezuka pairing, talk to me about ryouma x tezuka x fuji. This has to be my favorite threesome! It equals my liking for Lantis, Eagle Vision, and Hikaru together! (Well, next to the fact that I'm a Yuki+Shuichi+Touma supporter too. *_*)
Regardless, I'm all refreshed to study again. (I want to get honors when I get out of this school, dammit!)

On another note, I find it funny that people are asking what I want for Christmas and I have no response for them. ^_^ I'm just happy when people think of me. Sure I always squeal about stuff, but I can live without that.
That doesn't take away from the fact that I...er...bought a Tezuka plushie. It was beyond my control. My love had taken its toll and I could hold back no more! (As I was thinking to write on a disclaimer, maybe it's good that Tezuka isn't real 'cause I'd totally pursue him. Competition, you might think? Fufufu. I just have to want him more than anyone else and give all the effort I always give. ^______^ He should be as good as mine. *smirk*) I won't get to see it 'til next month though.
I was just asking my bro for a calendar (practical reasons, mind you) because I don't have any kind of calendar except for my planner. (Duality hates my planner.) HikaGo or PoT, but I definitely want a PoT one. More Tezuka, the better! =^^= (Since there is no X one this year. ;_; -_- *sighs* And I don't want the Tsubasa one. I'm mad at Clamp for temporarily abandoning X. We'll leave my rant out the door or else it'll fill my whole 4 months of blog time/entries.) I shouldn't give into a pretty doujinshi one. Looks kind of kinky...now if it had more Fuji, maybe we'd be talking...
Call me a perv all you want, but I have this fantasy of a fanservice pic of Fuji lying on a bench with Ryouma kissing him upside down while Tezuka's...well...taking off the buttons of Fuji's shirt. (Gives new meaning for them being the 'top three' in their school, doesn't it?)
Now if only Aki and Hikaru could ever be in character and do this from the very beginning then I'd be happy. (They only touched in EP 3! EPISODE 3! How making f@#$-ing eps are there in the whole freakin' series?! 75! I WANT A HUG! And the only thing I can base anything on is if Aki touches something and Hikaru touches the same thing, eg. go board. WAH. I'll not talk about a cute, drunk Ogata-sensei in the picture...) That's 'cause evil, evil Clamp did that with Subaru and Seishirou. (That's what started me on this mad touching streak.) ;_; The world must never be deprived from such sexiness!

I'm...I'm getting more awful everyday. (I still can't believe I am 23, but I look 16. My Angel said I sounded 13 on the phone. ;_;) And my brother is becoming more and more sadistic. (He says that you're his teacher, o great duality-sama. *poke* *poke poke poke*)

Song that's been on repeat forever: Yokogao (Remix) by Okiayu-sama! (It's such a pretty song!)

Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
01:03 a.m.

random things i learned over the years. things i think about most of my days in this odd existence of mine:


i live on happiness, so why can't i make my own?

you can't stop time, but you can stop yourself from making a mistake you'll pay for.

people are an accumulation of all the information they've ever heard and learned.

i'm a linguist, but that doesn't mean you can assume i know multiple languages.

you'll never control who you'll fall in love with, just what you do about it.

think to yourself: do i really need it? but, it should be: can i live without it?

past is past. future is future. i'd like to live somewhere in between, but with every second passing, i _am_ the future.

i don't believe in destiny. i believe in choices.

why do stupid people repeat their mistakes? because they don't grow.
why do smart people grow stupid? love, dammit.
how do smart people stay smart? knowing the bitterness of life.
(We're all screwed, aren't we?)

there's something definitely right or definitely wrong when 'want' and 'need' become the same exact thing.

the more someone smiles, it indicates one of three things:
1) they were dumb not to learn from their experiences, and/or
2) they know the meaning of sadness and pain, and/or
3) they like to see others in pain. ^^;;;

karma is a powerful thing. fate is a bitch. mess with either or both, and well...you'll find out. tell me if you survive 'cause maybe they weren't strong enough. :D

i'm a masochist but it's amazing how people can make something beautiful out of something so horrible or ugly.
on the reverse, it also repulses me how ugly and horrible things can be made beautiful.

i found that there are people who aren't physically attractive, but their personalities are the most wonderful i've met.
i've also found people who are physically attractive but are rotten to their very core.

if you can't love someone or something fully, don't even attempt to even start.

people can take so much of a certain thing...
...unless they're addicted to it.

obsession isn't bad. it's passion with lots and lots of fervor.

being energetic is tough, but it makes lots of people smile when done the right way.

if i want something, i take it by any means necessary. there's no such thing as 'no' in my vocabulary. there's more than one way to capture something!

i have to count on myself if i'm supposed to get anywhere in life.

you only fail when you give up on yourself.

i love the sun because it can embrace every spot on the earth. i love the moon because even though it's decrepit, it's still so beautiful, just like humans.

love is the worst and best feeling in the world.

sexual orientation is just a preference for physical attraction. so, am i bi or wrong when i admire other women and think they're hot? or when i see a cute guy dressed in drag and pulls it off quite nicely?
i'm just myself. i don't see myself as gender, i see myself as a living being with a quirky personality.

closing my heart was hard to deal with. i opened it because i want to feel and learn to the fullest extent. so that when i do, i'll experience it that much too.

Destiny isn't a goal or destination, it's just my rest stop until _I_ know where I really want to be and who. ^_^

...and that's what i think about life so far.

Song of the day: Bu Dam by Baek Ji Young (I wish I could read Korean to get the cd of this song. ^^;;)

Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
06:08 p.m.

Umm...Ummm...???

Find out where you'll be in 20 years @ Sunflower-Bebe.net

Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
02:46 p.m.

I found this quiz on a random blog:

-Character (from anywhere) you do NOT want to see killed off.
You KNOW I'm going to say Subaru. (I have no other choice and don't suffer from indecision since Seishirou's...he's...yeah. *is STILL in denial*)

-Character you DO want to see killed off.
Ooh~! THIS one's a toughie! Hmm...*thinks* It's a toss between Yuuki Miaka and Kuno Kodachi. Take your pic. I don't care for either.

-Character you don't want to see go evil.
Subaru's tainted so...*thinks* *thinks more* Iijuin Akira 'cause he's like Subaru, only more bright-eyed. He's cute, smart, cooks, cleans...he's a whole packaged deal! :)

-Character who would be fucking AWESOME going evil!!!
Aki. It's GOT to be Touya Akira! ^_____^ (But I don't think I'd be able to handle that 'cause just thinkin' about it gets me all red-faced.)

-Most under-rated relationship in a series.
Tatsuha and Ryuichi. They didn't get enough screen time together nor in the manga either. They're so perfect together though!

-Most OVER-rated relationship
Bleh. There are so many! I'd say Toya and that Aya from Ceres. I like the story of Ceres, but I _really_ dislike the main couple. ^^;;;;;;; *blood boils* I don't even want to comment anymore....

-Character who should get laid RIGHT NOW! :)
Aki, Subaru, or Tezuka. They're too high-strung and need some loosening up. (And show more skin, dammit! *blush* *clears throat*)

-Couple who it would be a crime if they don't get married.
1) Basara/Sybil (Macross 7) because they worked really well together.
2) Heero/Duo. PERIOD.
3) Oishi/Eiji are so meant for one another. C'mon, they're not called the Golden Pair for nothing. They're usually mentally in sync with everything.
4) Aki/Hikaru. They want each other and everyone else except them knows it...
Honorable mention: Karen and Aoki. If only Aoki wasn't married...

-Top 3 male characters you'd marry?
1) Subaru, Subaru, Subaru! He's kind, smart, and sincere. Has a dark side that makes him even more lovable.
2) Tezuka Kunimitsu - ideal. Definitely my ideal. Intelligent and caring.
3) Yuy Heero - sees what he needs to do and does it. Thinks of others rather than himself.
(Honorable mention: if he weren't already taken, the infirmary nurse from 'koko wa greenwood' would be on this list! :D)

-Top 3 female characters you'd marry?
1) Tenoh Haruka - The woman's just cool! Plus, she's smart and hot. ^_^v
2) Satsuki from X. _Awesome_ chick. That's all I have to say.
3) Fujinami Ryuunosuke (Urusei Yatsura). Yes, I never ever talk about her, but like the first time I saw Haruka, I thought, 'she's one tough cookie.' Plus, she's so kind and giving. (That doesn't take away from the fact that she can kick your ass if she feels justice hasn't been served.)

Monday, December 15, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
10:29 p.m.

odd. but true.

Which of the Samurai Deeper Kyo Cast Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, December 15, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:43 a.m.

*lol* how accurate! *lol again*

What Prince of Tennis Couple Are You? by mamushi
LJ User Name
Favorite Color
Couple	tezukaXfuji
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Is currently looking for: Kaze no Tabibito
the PoT music grows on you after a while...
Even the 'Tonde! Mawatte! Mata Raishuu' (Jump! Turn! Next week again!) is kawaii. It's just them on crack, I swear...but Eiji's so adorable when he says 'Kappa'. ^_^

Monday, December 15, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:33 a.m.

I didn't have to know the name of the character who sang this...
...I felt it instead. I really like the song 'blood' done by Fuji Yuuta's seiyuu. One part that got to me was this:

Chikakute tooku ni aru ikitai basho
Tsukami toritai
Tensai janai dakara
Dekiru honki ga aru kara
Daredemo nai
Itsumo ore wa ore

So, here's my translation:

The place that I want to go to is near, and yet it's far.
I want to hold it tightly.
Not because I'm a genius,
but I can really do it.
I am always myself
and no one else.

Monday, December 15, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
03:54 a.m.

woo...wu...look at all the pretty kappas with Eiji's voice...*faints*
YATTA. I have finally finished my term paper. It's due on Wednesday, but I have two finals then.
I have no patience whatsoever because I kept on doing chunks and then play othello. However, I did find the one ep of PoT I wanted to get. The chibi one! GOD. They are so freakin' KAWAII~! I just love Kaidou more and more. Inui's kind of growing on me. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; He's scary though. (Give me time, I'm fu---d up too so I might like him.)
As sleepy as I am, I think I'll look for more Tezuka stuff. He's so...so...no human words will be sufficient for me. It's the look of possession. I'll share Yamaguchi Kappei...but not him. ;_; Okee, with Fuji...
I really need to do a scanlation of Suna no Oukan 2 or a Hikaru dj...so hot, but such contemplative stories. Akira Hojo-sama always makes things so messed up, poetic, and beautiful. Ah, to reach that type of perfection.
Track of the day on repeat: the whole Prince of Tennis musical.
You can just imagine that I know all their voices by now, especially Tezuka's...this is bad.

Writing advice for the day: What is your perception of reality? We differ day to day, so maybe by contemplating on several emotions at the same time, it could add more depth. I learned this through doing more Hikaru and Aki. They're such a mesh of stuff, and they balance out one another. Yet, slightly, they don't make a whole quite yet, which leaves room for more growth. I think that's why they're so loveable.

Monday, December 15, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
02:35 a.m.

aki aki aki aki....
WAI~! I went back to Chinatown~! ^___^ Duality brought me there for my birthday. She fed me A LOT. ;_; I was so stuffed I couldn't even drink water when I got home.
Despite my headache, I had lots of fun. :) We were looking for Go boards. ^^v And yes, today is Aki's birthday! Touya Akira~! ^___^ *nods*
And for his b-day, I made a fic of him...and ogata! ._. Yes, I like this pairing just as much as ogata and sai. ^^;;;; (give me time and i'll make that one work, dammit!) of course it turned back to akihika 'cause i can't even begin to imagine an 18 yr old Aki and Hikaru together without melting. Going nuts studying and making a paper. I shouldn't talk since I've been impatiently (though I'm sorry I should have waited for tarepanda...) looking for Tezuka PoT eps. ;_; Addiction...*suffering from withdrawal* *needs a Subaru* (Living without the Tokyo Babylon dvd to look at is HARD. I watched that thing at least once in a week...)

I'm so touched. People sent me e-cards and stuff. ;_; I feel so loved.

These days, I've been pondering on what to do with myself. To deal with anger and channel my extra energy to something sportsy...

Song of the day: You got game? - kimeru

;_; I need a Tezuka dose...

Sunday, December 14, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
06:19 p.m.

a pic of my doujinshi. the reason why i like tezuka.


Suna no Oukan - The Crown of Sand
by Hojo Akira Published by Jekyll
Two doujinshis. One has a cover of Fuji. ^_~ Fuji's my icon for the HikaGo forum.
(If the pic doesn't work, go to: www.geocities.com/reiakane2/crown1-1-2.jpg)

I don't know why. This picture always makes me stop breathing. It makes me think of something I've forgotten and probes me to remember something of the past, but I don't know what or why.
They always makes me cry, whenever I look into those eyes. It's not a fangirl thing. I feel like someone has just reached deep inside of me and pulled my heart out. I don't feel it. In fact, I don't notice it. It just feels right and that it should...not making sense, but that's how it makes me feel.
I feel like I'm missing something, both feeling insufficient and nostalgic. But strangely, I don't want it back...

Friday, December 12, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
10:58 p.m.

this is me! ^^v


I don't like pink, but I love Kirby! He's nice and simple. Kicks your ass when you _think_ you'll kick his. Eats you if he doesn't like you. Simple life.

Yup, Kirby is my game console representative. ^______^v Yosh!

(If the pic doesn't work, go to: www.geocities.com/reiakane2/Kirby-aim17.gif)

Friday, December 12, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:29 p.m.

Nice and warm and happy, just like the sun should be! That's me!
*claps hands* Nothing gets away once they are my prey...this morning's victim was the PoT musical! ^___^v I'm watching it on a computer that can't keep with the frames, but I'm happy regardless. *melts* Eiji-sama~!
It has been raining and it's been fun. I went to the PO to drop off you know who's gift. Tell me when it gets to FL on time. (Should be there on Tuesday, the latest.) Then, I went to the mall to wander. Went to Borders, plopped my ass down in a corner and read and read manga. Came out to find it really raining outside. ^^v I went back and have been watching whatever PoT I can download. Waiting for 98 to finish. Prince of Pool. *smirk* *smirks again* *thinks of Fuji with a tie and a white collar shirt with his sleeves rolled up* (Ah, the half-business guy look. ;_; My weaknesses...i can't handle guys in suits. They're so adorable...)
Onto more important things, I have to find my notes for Forever Yours and finish Rikoteki na Yume. It's hard to go through FY 'cause there's so much I wanted to accomplish and I can't find my outline, which may have been wiped with my comp's reformatting bit. ;_; That's okay, it was meant to be that way then. As for rikoteki, damn Seishirou has to be so hard to do. (Haven't had enough sleep, so I can't believe I thought of that in such a sexual way, but anyways...it's akira's fault...) Make a different ending with Subaru. Am I up to it? I have to be if I wanna finish it soon!
But for today, I will make a one-shoter for..th-the day that I am older...again. *sighs* But I shouldn't say that. It's been a happenin' day. Nice and warm and happy, just like the sun should be! *turns chibi and holds fist to the air* Ore da! (Maybe that should be 'boku da' instead, but anyways, I strangely felt like a boy today. Dunno why...Maybe 'cause what I was wearing, the way I was acting or the fact that I was people watching...*smirk*)
Sad thing is, I even made a schedule for myself today too. ^^;;;;;;; --;; Workaholic...I've been unproductive! *tears out hair* I'll read, but like yesterday, as I told my brother, "What should I do? I keep thinking that I should do my term paper, but then the other hand another part of me says Tezuka's more important." I...I am guilty of choosing Tezuka over my work. ^^;;; I seem to always choose him over my work. This is getting really bad...even I don't this for Subaru all the time...Kappei I drop everything for, but Tezuka...atsui. Stare at paper or Tezuka(or whatever you lust after)? ^^ Of course I'll go for the more aesthetic view, unless the paper is on Japanese culture (literature, language, etc, then I'll choose that over Tezuka). I want his animal plushie and the musical. I love it 'cause it's so dorky. ;_; --; i'm a strange, strange child...i wonder what some boys ever saw in me...girls too...
I've become a lazy bum. *sighs* Can I go back to young, hard working and cute again? *bounce, bounce* The genki ball cannot be stopped...*huggle glomps Duality* *then, super tackle huggle glomps Adri* *cling* *bites sleeve* *blink, blink* I'm becoming more like Shuichi everyday...

song for the day - i'm always winner by Yanagi Kotaroh

Friday, December 12, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
08:39 p.m.

if curiosity killed the cat...then kill me! nyao~!
Laliho~!
I'm still feelin' bummed about my test, so I said I'd screw over the paper and make him give me an A...I'll do it after my birthday that is. ^^;;;;;

By the way, my brother said that the acronym of finals means:
finals - f--k, I never actually learned sh--! *lol*
I love my little brother.

So while talking to my brother and going to my Adri's lj, I discover there is a PoT musical. Keep in mind, I thought that this was still animated...
*shakes head* It a'int.
I'd have to say that it's quite amusing. Well, this is what I'm gathering from the clips I've gotten online. (I still haven't seen the whole thing, mind you.) They're pretty good actors and yes, they provide fan service. It's amazing that the characters I love aren't the cutest here...except Tezuka. (More fangirl giggling later.) Momoshiro is a punk. He's cute. But, I'd have to say, it is truly, TRULY amusing. *is turning red* *has been laughing and smirking for quite a long time*
Inui is So Damn Hot. -- God, I thank you for a nerd! A cute looking nerd. *smiles* And he's got the cutest dimples. (I'm a sucker for baby faces with dimples...Aga Muhlach...)Why can't there be more of these in the engineering department here in SF? I found many in LA...cute business dudes too...
So what of Tezuka? Okee, even if I watched this for the first time and never PoT before, I want to say, while I'm watching this, I'm turning red and smirking more than ever. I've been _giggling_ _madly_ over him. *fans self* OMG~! Takigawa Eiji, the actor who plays Tezuka...the mantra is now, "Wow, I've been converted back to liking real boys...I've been converted back to liking real boys...I've been converted..." He is not just hot, for a model, he is just MMM...*bites lip and closes eyes tightly*...There is NO WORD for him! *puddle* (Guy in J-town was the 10 in my book, but this guy comes as a 9. And that's _without_ his shirt off. * winces * He has a fine body..._almost, but not quite_equates to half-naked Subaru. *_*) Just thought I'd share. Ooh! I forgot one thing! He's the Lipovitamin rep now 'cause he's so genki! *_* So...you can probably say that adding everything together is just too much for me right now...*fans self again*
I'm turning twenty-three and there's no action in my part of the country except endless rain and messed up weather. I'll be heading to Borders to read manga. ^^ I'm a nerd that way. Give me a day off and I still do something productive. (My room will be cleaned again this weekend...my way procrastinating...)
Ah, but I'll be Eiji-sama hunting...I need more Tezuka and Fuji too...Akira and Hikaru...Subaru and Seishirou...I need eye candy. (*sighs* The boys i look at here are younger than me. Bleh. No adorable ones for me to be a fangirl too.)

I NEED MY YAMAGUCHI KAPPEI FIX!!!!!!! ;_;

Song of the day: White Message by O. Ryutaro-sama! (Darling Tezuka's seiyuu - K of Gravitation, Treize of Gundam Wing, Yasha of RG Veda)

Thursday, December 11, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
11:24 p.m.

translation of Kira (Akira character song)
Kira (Fine Clothes)
sung by Kobayashi Sanae

On the street, I'm walking alone in the rain
I'm tightly holding my fingers which have become frozen

The umbrella of 'missing one another'
A happy meeting within a crowd
I've been thinking about the meaning of our chanced meeting

Something's different. It's changing and beginning.
'You', I said. The incident that made me feel so distant is driving me crazy?

Persistently going on this continuous path,
We walk at my pace.
Someday, again, I'll be hurt and
the kneeling night has come.
Inside of my locked heart,
You are a miracle that fell
into this world that I was existing in.
(But) certainly, our gap continues to widen.

The color of the twilight cannot reach. I look at the sky and
I thought, "This still won't stop anywhere."

If I knew of the pain, then I could become stronger while,
By the time morning comes, I want to become afraid of anxieties.

Instantly, I change in this rain and the starry sky.
I can hear that limit because I've regained myself.

Persistently going on this continuous path
Even if the end is far.
When a day similar to the end arrives,
Like a promise that's been untied,
Beyond the chosen door,
I'm waiting for you to come.
Forever, indefinitely, I'm waiting silently for fate.

[instrumental]

Persistently going on this continuous path,
We walk at my pace.
Someday, again, I'll be hurt and
the kneeling night has come.
Inside of my locked heart,
You are a miracle that fell
into this world that I was existing in.
(But) certainly, our gap continues to widen.

Notes:
Surechigau modifies kasa so it acts as an adjective here.

Warai is smiling, but I used this because it seems more appropriate.

I used 'anywhere' instead of 'somewhere' for dokoka because it made more sense with anywhere. 'Somewhere' indicated a destination.

Torimodosu is used as 'take myself back', Akira's sense of self.

translated by miyamoto yui 6:14 PM 12/10/03

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
06:37 p.m.

my first final in sfsu...
WAH~! *sniff, sniff* For the first time in my whole life, I finished an exam with using the whole period! (I _never_ do that!) I paced myself, but this time, the teacher wanted us to explain WAY TOO MUCH. I knew my stuff down cold, so there was no way...no way...
*frustrated* I didn't finish my exam. ._.
So, I went home and opened something from the mail. Akira came to rescue me! ^____^ I bought 'Kira' and transliterated it. Translations are soon to follow! When I first heard this (which I wasn't really paying attention), I thought, "*laughs* This sounds like he's serenading Hikaru!" *deadpan* *smiles* *tears of joy* I'm glad my instinct was right! At least, from a shounen ai fangirl POV, and that's the way I like it!
Of all the HikaGo image songs, I like this one the best.

Song of the day (again): Kira sung by Kobayashi Sanae

Here's my transliteration:

Kira (Fine Clothes)

Hitori de ame wo aruiteru Machi no naka
Sumetakunatta yubisaki Sotto nigitteta

Surechigau kasa Warai au hitogomi de
Meguriau koto no imi wo kangaeteita yo

Nanika chigatteru Kawari hajimeteiru
Kimitte iu dekigoto ga kyorikan kuruwaseteiru?

Dokomademo tsuzuiteku michi
Boku no hayasa de arukou
Itsuka mata kizutsuite
Hizamazuku yoru ga kitatte
Tozasareta kokoro no nake e
Kimi ga otoshita kiseki de
Boku ga ita kono sekai Kakujitsu ni hirogari tsuzukeru

Yuugure no iro todokanai Sora wo mite
Kono mama yomanaidete to, dokoka omotteta

Itami wo shireba Tsuyoku nareru no nara
Asa ga kuru made fuan ni obieteitai...

Sugu ni kono ame mo hoshizora ni kawaru
Sono RIMITTO kikoetara Boku wo torimodosu kara

Dokomademo tsuzuiteiku michi
Owari ga tooku nattemo
Itsu no hi katadori tsuku
Yakusoku ga hodokenai youni
Erabareta tobira no mukou
Kimi ga kuru no wo matteru
Itsumademo itsumademo Unmei wo shizuka ni matteru

[instrumental]

Dokomademo tsuzuiteku michi
Boku no hayasa de arukou
Itsuka mata kizutsuite
Hizamazuku yoru ga kitatte
Tozasareta kokoro no nake e
Kimi ga otoshita kiseki de
Boku ga ita kono sekai Kakujitsu ni hirogari tsuzukeru

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
02:26 p.m.

i went to the guaranteed smile-maker...
YAMAGUCHI KAPPEI! I'm feelin' so sick to my stomach it isn't funny. So, I ended up watching some Gravi again. For the umpteenth time...ah, I will never run out of love for Gravi. It really is great.
I can never be steered wrong there. I thought about this and Full Moon. Yes, as much as Shuichi is just plain weird at times, he's so endearing after a while. I can relate more to him and split-personality Ryuichi because they recognize who they are, both their faults and strengths. That's why I'm always inspired by them. (Ah, but poor Hiro...you know he loves Shuichi so much. ^^ -- I always love those type of characters. I can't smile while singing Anti-Nostalgic because I always think of Hiro bowing before Yuki saying, "If he cries from other than his own stupidity, I'll never forgive you.")

I need to sing, but there is no place for me to go. I need to vent out some more.

song of the day: Shining Collection


nothing is supposed to make sense in the world
that's what i've found out
maybe that's why i'll never get
anything about myself
and you won't either
because i'm up to your interpretation
and that's just fine with me.

fingertips stained with blood
i touch my lips and color them red
there's nothing comprehensible in the world
so i'll just keep on digging deeper
until i find why
i love to crawl through
blue rose bushes by choice.

i'm on my knees right now
but there will be a time that i will stand
and you'll notice
that you're the one trapped.
i'll continue on this journey
of cutting myself, piercing
through the core of my soul
because little by little,
i'll scatter myself around the world
and leave that behind.
Even if only that.

Then,
I'll be able to answer
"nothing is supposed to make sense in the world
that's what i've found out
maybe that's why i'll never get
anything about myself
and you won't either
because i'm up to your interpretation
and that's just fine with me.
i'm all right.
you're the one that's fucked up, ne?"

*smirk*

Tuesday, December 9, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
04:36 p.m.

ups and downs, but that's the way i live my life.
i think i've pouring my soul out into 'inside and out'. it's dragging on, but it seems to take so much energy out of me. even though i'm having the easiest time writing it, it's still a lot to write about.
akira and hikaru are wearing me out. * wince * the fic has been going well, but i feel like i've suffocated myself in some way. i don't know if it's because i'm too passionate about whatever i'm doing, or whomever i love, but it takes so much of my energy. and that's good, but it makes me think about a lot of things that maybe i'm inadvertently avoiding or solving through a fic.
right now, i'm at this stop on the road of life in which i'm looking down from a mountain. things are blurry and they're not making sense at all.
i have so many weird dreams these days. weirder dreams than the usual. chasing people vs. being chased. looking for someone or something and when i find it, it's not what i had expected. most of all, all my pent up frustration made have a very disturbing dream that i got so upset that i actually lashed out on someone. (well, the girl was a total bitch in my dream.) i can't believe i slapped her. it's unlike me...but i was at that uncontrollable point that i couldn't tell the difference between anger and civility. i was justified in what i did, but there were people shouting at me for it in my dream. ah, i don't know what to make of this.
i wake up tired. i get enough sleep, but it does me no good.
dude, i even watched all of full moon wo sagashite. could have been better with the ending, but overall a pretty good series. i just don't like the way myco sings (i like the songs eternal snow and 'let's sing a song') and mitsuki isn't realistic. she's only 12 and yet they made her have all these answers as if she knew so much (like Tohru). it was irritating. she's a good person, but there was no fault that made her human-like to me. (or maybe i'm frustrated at the fact that i'm not that kind-hearted person anymore. i don't know, but i'm not ashamed.) as a realist, i like well-rounded characters. sure there are characters that don't look aesthetically appealing, but they're cool characters. there are characters that many dimensions and because of their experiences, their actions are predictable, yet justified. (i sound all matrix or gw-ish. And to add to that, that's why i liked heero so much, though i believed in wufei's principle of life and war much more because that was the type of mentality i wanted to achieve. one should find their own truth and there isn't anything prescribed in life and his actions were only a compilation of his experiences, therefore he acted accordingly. after much contemplation, he chose what was best for his life and the way he led it.) meroko and takuto and wakaouji sensei and the grandmother were very good characters. but takuto, typical boy for an arina tanemura manga, was very loveable. it's not because he stuck it out with mitsuki and that he loved her so much, but the fact that he realized what he needed to do. he never hesitated to do what he felt was right. an admirable guy, indeed. i felt that he was admirable because he was willing to do everything that he could to give of himself, not out of selfishness, but of sincerity and care.
I'm sorry to sound all upset with the world, but at this moment, i need to vent. i know life isn't fair, but there are just some people that i'm almost finding a reason for their non-existence...*sighs*
but i shall not let this consume me. my anger can only go so far until the optimistic charm comes back. after all, you can't stop the sun from shining. therefore, the MA/yui shall not be defeated by inconsiderate people. ack...i hate thinking badly of people...*sighs*
*shakes head* i will just do my best. that's all i can do. it's also what i'm most proud of.
i want to become stronger and better as a person. i'll find a way to turn this into positive experiences. i know i can! As i said through Ryuichi and Hina, there's no use in being complete. by being incomplete, you can always strive to be more than what you thought you could be.
I want to continue to grow because there's no point to life if i resist changes that will help me towards my goals. i thought that being like mitsuki (i used to be sickeningly nice as belldandy...) would let me get to where i wanted to. maybe because people weren't that kind that i didn't see life that way. i wasn't that good to myself either. maybe deep inside, i'm still that innocent about life, but i want to have the outlook of being able to experience as much as i can so that my actions and words will be justified. i want to be that nice again, but i was very weak too. being nice isn't a strength unless you are sincere with it. if not, there's no point. half-assed a'int good enough for anybody. i realized that the only way i could ever be that kind was to experience those bad experiences. that's why i can say what i do and feel what i do.
i don't mind hurting myself as long as i get what i want. *thinks about the pet shop of horrors and the cook and count d* *grins* that's why i love the new soseki book i've been reading. it says that opposites have to exist in order to understand each concept and that's what i myself felt about life.
well...*sheepish grin* that is after i get over my slight cough. ^^;;;;;;;; --;;;;
maybe i need to be annoyed and angry sometimes, don't i? ah, that's off my chest! i need to speak up more. ^^;;; i'm just so damn shy about voicing my opinions aloud...*wince*

* kira kira * I feel much better now! *goes off to study for finals*

I don't want to grow older, duality! * wince * Oh, by the way, i want egg noodles and scallion pancakes. *tugs on sleeve with puppy dog eyes*

song of the day: crash and burn by savage garden

Monday, December 8, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
10:27 p.m.

Thanks, sweetie.

And thanks to that wonderful dj! * winces * WAH~! I laughed and cried in 26 pages. Fuji and Tezuka are SO cute. ;_; Tezuka's such a dork. (Just the way I like him...fufufu...) Fuji's just as evil as ever. *LOL*

I'll bounce to my genki self soon. I'm just feeling as if I'm wandering. I'm a masochist. Hurt me, but wait, I do that so well by myself. * sighs * need time...

Saturday, December 6, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
01:58 a.m.

There is something wrong with me. And I can't quite put my finger on it. I can't touch it, but nor can I remove it. I feel suffocated for some reason and therefore, I'm feeling depressed.
I need to get away from the world for a while. I need to think.
I can't believe I feel this weird loneliness all over again.

I'm going to hide for a bit and think. I think I'm hurting myself all over again...

Yes, for the moment, I dislike the world.

And I don't give a damn.

Thursday, December 4, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:20 p.m.

I'm winter???

You're Most Like The Season Winter ... You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is. Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)

?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, December 4, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
08:10 p.m.

I _was_ sleepy right now 'til I saw this...
If you're a HikaAki fan, this is definitely the pic for you. God, this site is wonderful! *snuggle, snuggle* Wonderful Ojirougumi-san! (I want one to see more of that novel...)

http://www6.big.or.jp/~oji/go/gallery/100000hit.html

Thursday, December 4, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
11:15 a.m.

Borrowed time


Tell me why
I want to cry
when I look at
such beautiful eyes
before me?
You're so real and yet so fake
I want to break you.
Bleed for me
as I've bled for you
but it doesn't work out that way.
Why do our lips
say the things we hate to say?
Say the words we shouldn't?

I know the world is beautiful
because you are in it.
But if you're taken away from me,
then there'll be nothing
but darkness.
Just as it had always been
deep within me.

I don't want to go back
Can't be the way
I used to be
Everything's changed
but these feeling's
growing stronger everyday
and I won't be able to
control it anymore.
It'll poison me
and all I'll say is,
"Let it be."

Not caring
that you stabbed my heart
ever so thoroughly
with a smile on your face.

You never promised me anything,
but I gave you everything
without you knowing,
without you needing to ask.

This is my gift
from me to you.

Kiss my dark, dark red bleeding heart
and whisper to me a lie.

Please tell me I can keep you forever.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:39 p.m.

*BLUSH* This was quite amusing Jehjeh...*ROFL*

Take the What animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Wow! Those are my favorite colors too! ^_____^

Akira Hojo-sama and Mukai Yuuya-sama...
I truly envy their talent. I admire them so much with what they can do with such a short doujinshi. When you look at the pictures, it seems like a very short story that really doesn't go anywhere. But when you read the words, it draws you into a perspective that may be common, and yet it is still unique.
I was reading through a HnG doujinshi by Mukai Yuuya-sensei and I've been trying to translate it too. I was thinking I'd do only a small part, but I just kept on going and reading it the whole way through. I don't know why but when I looked at one panel of Akira looking at Hikaru, it expressed a lot of emotion. It wasn't empty at all. Her Hikaru's very playful and aggressive. Akira's a mixed up boy who can't figure Shindou out, but he can't do anything but move forward and wait for him to catch up. The tie scene was so cute 'cause Hikaru wrapped it incorrectly while Akira was the whole 'I-know-what-I'm-doing-but-don't-you-dare-try-anything-now-Hikaru' face.
And then there's Akira Hojo-sensei who just overflows with lines and emotion. Just looking at Fuji and Tezuka makes me read on without breathing, but I don't realize it until I am almost done with the book. She makes me stop and think. Even though I think her portrayal of Fuji is more effeminate at times, she does a very tender job. A hint of bitterness, but it is still sweet. I think I'll always love 'Crown of Sand'. Damn second part was hard to find, but I found it and I plan to read it with my dictionary in hand. But all in all, I'm patient enough to read it through and over and over. She's simply amazing.

Ah, except if I want serious flirting and comedy, The author of Kizuna and her dj group is AMAZING! * WINCE * * GIGGLES * Her Fuji is just EVIL. Simply Evil! The perfect Fuji and it's even more enticing when you have Tezuka giving a serious face, sneaks up on Fuji and engages in his 'revenge' by blowing on his neck to spite him. And he _still_ says that there's nothing going on. ^____^ Ah, they're both so cute. If I like Akira Hojo's Tezuka, I'm in love with K-Company's Fuji. *_* Evil and adorable.
There's one dj artist I'd like to read. Even though she, Itsuki Sakura, is expensive, I'd love to read her HnG doujinshi someday. (Not only is she WAY expensive, she's ALWAYS sold out!) It's so beautiful. And speaking of, I found a link for another HnG doujinshi site with a great flash sequence of Hikaru and Akira. The good: It's very expressive in black and white! What may turn some off (certainly not me 'cause I love the pairing) is that it is yaoi/shounen ai content, so you have been warned. Here's the link: http://www.geocities.jp/ykmkz/info/book-cm/yuutu.htm

Song of the day: Keep your style

Tuesday, December 2, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
01:04 p.m.

Translation of Prince of Tennis
Keep your style
by Masataka Fujishige

Your eyes melt
into the piercing sky,
From here, it starts
the overflowing confidence is filled

The time draws near, you wrap yourself around your hometown.
For a brief moment, you feel a new world

I say you stay The truth is
I even feel solitude
Keep your style Keep your mind Break it out
I stay with you, wherever you flap your wings away to
By grasping the day of tomorrow
With every emotion...emotion...emotion...

Now, to go far away
To add to the future
In the soaring wind
To set the violently throbbing heart free

Repeating within each day
It's good that a child isn't bound to anything.

I say new day Now, here
The flowing sadness too
Keep your style Keep your mind Break it out
I take my way In between doubts, I continue to run and
I'll surely be shining
Vivid devotion

I say you stay The truth is
I even feel solitude
Keep your style Keep your mind Break it out
I say new day Now, here
The flowing sadness too
Keep your style Keep your mind Break it out
I stay with you, wherever you flap your wings away to
By grasping the day of tomorrow
With every emotion...


transliteration by yuimiya (Tapos sa ika-isa ng Disyembre 2003.)

Monday, December 1, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
10:54 p.m.

excerpt from 'melting'
I knew it hurt you to see me restrain myself.
But it was just as painful seeing you give everything while thinking you’re fighting a hopeless battle…

Doubt filled my mind as I remembered him saying once to me, “Ah, but I love to see people suffer. It’s fun.”

…or was it the other way around, Syusuke?

Monday, December 1, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
01:43 a.m.

reviews to say the least
I have watched all of Hikaru no Go twice and I have to say that I can watch this many many times over. (Not that I haven't attempted to watch every Akira part there is in the damn series. ^__^ Proudly, I spread that out to a few days.) All I have to say is that it warmed my heart, they are in love, and gave me new inspiration for life. Definitely something I would love to invest my money in sometime. Well, at least Akira. ^___^ And kawaii doujinshi! (I'll be transliterating 'Kira' soon. I LOVE this song!!!)

My bratty self totally took advantage of my little brother this weekend, and made him get me prince of tennis. Even though I asked Tare Panda for it. (My love for Tezuka is really really bad. * wince *) I guess I will watch this show over and over. It's so like Gravi to me! ^^v The characters are ADORABLE! Plot is so-so, but just watching is okay with me. I actually sit back and think, "I'm entertained." Once in a while, I learn something technical about tennis or about life. Mostly, I'm Tezuka/Fuji/Eiji/Kaidou perusing. (Kaidou is a hot man. No matter how weird he is, he's persistent and aggressive. Definitely a man's man. ^__^ And he belongs to Inui! *lol*) Fuji is just COOL. I say to my little bro, "Hey, the sadist is playing!" "Cool. I like the red head. He's like me. He smiles at other people's misery. * smile *" ^^;;;; My brother's a kiss up to me...and he's doing very well in that department. Eiji is being Eiji. All-around cute. Ryouma is cute when he's a dork, but when he gets overly arrogant, it repulses me rather than draws me to him, which I find strange. (Then again, Hikaru is arrogant in a way, but I like him because he learns the hard way about Go and loving it. You grow up with him. You're only with Ryouma after he's gotten to a very advanced level of tennis.)
Tezuka is sexy. The man is hot. There's no other way for me to say it. It was so painful to see him 'lose' for a while to Ryouma at ep 75. (i've only watched select eps. ^^;;;;;;;; so, i'm tezuka biased.) And of course he asked Fuji to warm up with him! (I'm totally biased towards this pairing.) Then, it killed me when they were drawn as chibis. * WINCE * Definitely. Definitely, Tezuka is my ideal. He's as polite and warm as Subaru, cold as Seishirou, passionate and serious as Ryuichi, brotherly as Touya, plus wears glasses to boot! I'm not subscribing to another fandom or another series to buy, but I'll look to the ends of the earth for a cel/sketch of this man. (I have Asuka Jr., Li-kun, Kinamoto Touya, and Subaru. I only collect other fandoms 'sides TB cels if I am into their bish and that takes a lot for me to buy for them. And hopefully, there's something out there and it isn't cg.) I know PoT was done in cg, but there are production sketches like HG (which Akira will someday be mine also, somewhere where he's pissed 'cause he's so sexy when he shouts, baby).
Glad I found "Keep Your Style". Cute song.

On a different note, I'm gonna lie low for a while 'cause of papers, tests, and conferences. I need to get more serious about stuff instead of slacking off (even though i did all my hw at the beg of the quarter ^^;;;).

This thanksgiving, I learned about my own strength. It took me years to learn to speak up and stand up for myself. I still don't explain myself well, but I'll learn to, no matter what.
I looked at that person in the eye and smiled at them with a Fuji grin and waved sadistically, but of course, politely. Cowered. That person cowered. Now, I'm glad that obstruction is out of the way.
I'm just pissed that someone dared to insult me to my face and tell me all these rude remarks about being overweight. * growl * But one thing I have to say is this: The difference between someone who wants to grow and someone who stays stagnant leads to one goal - the length. Only, the person who grows without superficial power (money, looks, etc.) can find many ways to get to where they want. When one is narrow-minded, there's only one way to get there, but it might take forever. Determination is more than persistence, it's the risk of losing who you are, but gaining so much more.
My mother told me, "There's nothing for you to be ashamed of. You've done nothing to be ashamed of. You have nothing to lose. You have only everything to gain."
I want to continue to become stronger each day. Until the day I die, I want to say, "I did my best. That's all that ever will count."
My resolve's too strong now. For once, I'm truly proud of myself.

And to you who made me eat myself away, I wasted my time with you. You learned nothing from me if you can't count on your own words. This is a harsh note on a public board but I'm tired of spinning things in my head. This will not poison my mind negatively _anymore_ and I'll speak no more of it. Words and actions should be in sync, not asymmetric. Period. Again, I give you these last words. I hope you'll hear me this time.
Purachina: "Motto, motto. Tsuyoku naritai. (More and more, I want to become stronger.)"




On a totally different note, Duality! *GLOMPS* ;_; Thank you for letting me always take some of your time, effort, energy, devotion, etc. I appreciate you greatly. No amount of thanks were sufficient today. ^_____^ *hails* I paid my tithes, but I know it is not enough. You may think it's nothing, but I never would have come to where I am today, especially mentally more than anything else. I just needed someone there and someone to help me and you never let me down. I am proud to be your best friend. (The pleasure is all yours, of course...'cause you just _love_ to torture me...ah, but the masochist shouldn't talk against the sadist.) Still the song of the day: Sincerely~ever dream by Dream

Sunday, November 30, 2003
Cut my tongue, but my eyes will never lie to you. I stared at you so lovingly at
09:44 p.m.

Sites I buy from (and promoting!):

[x]Anime Link - cels

Friends I love and stalk

[x]My Sweetie (and totally obsessed after) Adri
[x]Melli-chan!
[x]My Jehjeh Wolfye
[x]wonderfully twisted MD
[x]Kawaii Len
[x]Sweet Mali-chan
[x]Malina-chan's 2nd blog
[x]Yumei-san
[x]Cocoa-san [x]Kamitra-san
[x]Mara-chan (fellow lover of ^_^ chisai Subaru and teenage Seishirou)
[x]Mikomi-chan

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