crash and burn.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS
#1 And so I screwed up prelims.
#2 I'm not quite sure what went wrong. I studied. Really. But I guess my "best" was just not good enough. It never is.
#3 I don't know whether to beat myself up or feel motivated.
#4 Right now, all I wanna do is to make myself feel elated again.
#5 I'm worried.
#6 If you call me today, I'll say that I'm fine. But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice it's just a lie.
#7 I guess sometimes no matter how sucky I feel I just hate giving in to the temptation to cry. Becauseee.. what's the use?
#8 Getting back GP tomorrow. Faaaaaaantastic. Can't hardly wait. Geez.
#9 My love for you is deep and meaningless. Amina that song is stuck in my head. =/
#10 I think during this period of time everyone is either depressed or stressed. If you're neither, then I applaud you. Really.

over you.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
I just put up all those entries today. So yeaaah. Happy reading! Actually, I doubt anyone actually goes to my blog nowadays anyway, so it doesn't matter. Haha. I decided to put it here because I realised I have had this blog since 2003. And I decided to keep it going. It's interesting to look back into the archives and see how much I've changed or how much the things/people around me have changed over the years.

Anyhoo, prelims finally ended this week. Now, we're all awaiting 'A's. How exciting. -_-" It's buka time soon. SO GOODBYE! and selamat berbuka! =)

stop living a lie.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Exam period usually drains you of all your energy. All the brain power. All the mental strength you need to carry on. As you sit in the exam hall, trying to regurgitate all the information you have squeezed into that brain of yours, have you ever found yourself questioning its purpose at some point?

Strange as it may seem, but I suddenly found sitting in the exam hall so POINTLESS. Random thoughts such as 'why the hell did I even bother to attend for this paper? I KNOW I'm going to flunk it so what's the freeeeeeaking point.' AHH. GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF SABA. Haha.

AHH. EXAMS. WHATEVERRR LA SEH.

This world can be so unpredictable. You really should just appreciate the moments you have now. Indulge yourself in the now. Rather than obsessing over the past and getting worried unnecessarily about the future. Yes I know we should always be prepared for the worst but then the future is yet to to come. Only you can mould your own future. So take charge of it. Because the best way to predict the future is to make it.

& when the moment's gone, there's no way you can take it back. There's no way you can relive it again. There's no use in thinking of what could have been or what you could have done better. What really matters is what are you going to do about it now? Alright, I'm rambling.

I'll be going overseas on the 23rd of November. And I just found out that I'll only be back on the 3rd of January. =/ I'll be missing out on A LOT of things. I'll be missing out on ODAC farewell night, prom, post-prom, Fazlina's birthday, farahin's birthday (I'm so so sorry you guys), the whole freaking December! OMG, by the time I come back, who knows EVERYTHING could change! I'm worried.

But then, when I think about it. I say all this now. But when I'm over there, I wouldn't want to come home.
Back to reality. Back to this dog-eat-dog world.
Life can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

Throw it away, Forget yesterday.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
To forgive and forget.

Forgive, I can do. But forget? It's just something that is etched in this brain of mine and refuses to let go. That's where work comes in. We just bury ourselves in the tons of work that we have to do which we think is oh-so important and forget about everything else. But you know that weight in your heart will remain. That stupid memory remains vivid in the mind. And everything will come back to haunt you someday. I just wish I can really let it go. Yes, I say it often enough that I'm fine and that it doesn't bother me anymore. But really? Who am I kidding? OH SCREW IT.

Sorry, I'm just rambling. And honestly, I'm feeling detached right now.
So no worries, I was just rambling. REALLY.

Love song for a savior.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Alright, the title of this entry is so out of point.

Anyway, double dosage of Faz, Farahin and Fatin (The three Fs) this week really made my week. =) This week was pretty much a blur. Have you ever felt like you're just standing still and the world is moving right past you? You won't even know what had gotten into you when you look back and realise that everything can change in a matter of seconds.

I've decided not to do anything about it.
Because when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME. Haha. So enough assumptions made, I'll just let this WHOLE thing go. Chuck my feelings and thoughts aside, cos this is really the LAST thing I should be thinking of. Prelims are in a week. It's time I step back into reality. So now I'm back to my who-gives-a-shit attitude that I've missed so much.

I've been such a wuss lately, it's disgusting.

LOVE LIFE, LOVE ECONS.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I think this is highly amusing. *shakes head*

All at once.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Something my mum said today hit me like a wave quite unexpectedly. She said that you never know the heart of a stranger. You'll never what the person is really thinking/feeling unless you talk to the person yourself. You also cannot expect other people to know what YOU'RE thinking/feeling unless you tell them yourself. Because only you yourself can express what you're really thinking. Make sense?

I'm probably spouting nonsense right now. So I'll cut this entry short and end with my random thoughts:
#1 I'm going to Malaysia for the weekend. I'll be back on Sunday. Talk about bad timing. I have 5 tests next week. -_-"
#2 The fireworks for NDP at the Marina Bay yesterday was awesooooooome. NOT that I went to watch it. Haha.
#3 I wanna cut my hair.
#4 The platform of the waterbed came crashing on my left foot when my father, siblings and I were trying to move it on Sunday. Guess what. It was the CORNER of the platform that landed on my foot. So it was bleeding and swollen and whatnot.
#5 My foot's doing better. It's still constantly throbbing like nobody's business but at least the part that used to be numb isn't so numb anymore. Haha.
#6 I had to take an X-ray on Tuesday because the doctor thinks there may be a crack in the bone or something.
#7 I was absent for school on Tuesday
#8 I've been wearing slippers to school.
#9 The mass-singing session in school during the National Day celebrations was daaaaaamn FUN! But those attention seekers can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
#10 Things just aren't the same anymore.

Life as we know it.
Friday, August 3, 2007

Love is just a game.
Monday, July 30, 2007
This week has been one hell of a tiring week. Been staying back in the school library everyday. Its opening hours have been extended to 9pm everyday. So every single day I would leave the house when the sun is rising and I will only get my butt back home after the sun has set. How pathetic. But I do look forward to studying with my classmates. They bring me my motivation. haha. I can't really study at home because of the renovation going on to the toilets and the roof. There's dust everywhere la. We have to mop the house practically everyday. And the hacking and all the racket going on during the day obviously doesn't help in my process of "studying". Haha. So yup. The school library is officially my second home. HA.

Saturday was the best day of the week. Laughing non-stop all day. The motivation course was really good. The trainer was a hilarious guy. Kept me laughing non-stop with all his expressions and whatnot. Most of the things he said I already knew. BUT I guess having all those things that have been playing in my head actually being said out loud to my face had a greater impact on me. So in a way, I do feel motivated. Well, NOBODY can make you feel motivated besides yourself.

Then at night I went to watch The Simpsons movie with my family! DAAAAAMN FUNNY. It kept me laughing from the minute it started to the very last minute when the credits were rolling. HAHA. It's THAT good. It's definitely in a completely different league from Spongebob Squarepants: the movie. Spongebob was just plain stupid and full of slapstick comedy. The Simpsons, on the other hand, was just much, much more FUNNIER. Seriously. GO WATCH. It's worth every cent. =)

Well, I just wasted the weekend away. Somebody slap me please.

The beginning of the end.
Monday, July 23, 2007
There are probably a million reasons as to why I'm feeling so dejected right now. You know that feeling like your heart is sinking further and further and it goes to a point when all you want is for everything to stop? All you want is to feel elated again. You just wanna see the light. You wanna gain back that confidence and belief in yourself. To convince yourself that you can and will make it.

Well, to be honest, I've lost that confidence that I need. Because it seems as though no matter how hard I've tried, I always fail. So after a while, I figured, what's the point anymore? And I've definitely been doubting everything I do. My sense of judgement seems to be failing me at the moments when I need it the most. I guess at some point, what was said during that parent-teacher meeting is true. I do lack motivation. But I doubt a stupid course will change anything. OH WELL.

Sorry, I'm rambling.
Point being, I need to slap myself back into reality and figure out my next move.

GOODBYE!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Blogging is more like a chore these days.

You don't know me, you don't even care.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 Congrats to the canoeists for doing well during the Nationals! Really. You people were awesoooome. I bet most of the schools there got a shock at how much you guys have improved. =)
#2 SHAIRAH, TAKE CARE OF THAT ANKLE OKAYYY. Sorry we made you play netball with us ehh. Really. We'll visit you soon. =)
#3 You can't judge fate. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
#4 Even if you're on the right track, if you just sit there, you will get run over.
#5 Damn it, the construction people working on the roof is getting me irritated. They were the ones who woke me up at 8 plus in the morning when they started hammering on the roof. Geez.
#6 What you call friendship is what I call friendshit.
#7 We have so much in common yet the way we deal with things is actually totally different.
#8 I'm sorry but I just can't deal with this right now.
#9 Leave me out of it.
#10 It's always about YOU isn't it?
#11 It's nice to run like there's no tomorrow. Especially on a beach with no one around to stop you but YOU. Running gave me my temporary relief. A temporary moment of forgetting everything and not caring about the world at all. Just a moment of clarity, that's all I need.

This week has been one hell of a shit week. Waterworks all over the place. Classmates breaking down, people here and there all breaking down. CHEER UP PEOPLE. I know everyone has their own problems and we all have to deal with it. But, one way or another, we'll get through this shit.

You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

--Fall Away//The Fray.

My Roadmap.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Reasons why I want to do well for A's:
1. To feel accomplished.
2. To know that I at least did something right with my life.
3. To get into university.
4. To know that I did not waste my time in bloody JC.
5. To prove myself wrong.

So these are the things that are constantly making me move forward. Actually, my point in coming into JC was to buy me some time to figure out just what I want to do with my life. Right now, 1 and a half years down the road, I still have no clue. Haha. I have ideas. But they aren't exactly realistic. Oh well. I'll just go with the flow when the time comes. There's no hurry.

At the moment, the main focus is to get the 'A' levels done and over with and then get out of the darn JC. So I suppose everything else right now is just a distraction. All I wanna do is to pass my prelims. Followed by doing better for A's. That's all I ask for. Well, that's all I hope for.

RANDOM THOUGHTS of today:
#1 Transformers was awesooome. It's a funny, action-packed movie. Surprisingly, it was my elder brother who didn't like it. He thinks that the plot is too simplistic. But I thought the show was goooood. It just wasn't explained properly. The beginning was pretty abrupt.

#2 National Day preview was alright I suppose. The stage, the special effects and all were pretty cool. Nothing like you've ever seen before. I like the military defense display the most. Makes me feel like joining the SAF. Haha.

#3 I can't wait for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix to come out this Thursday. And I definitely can't wait for the LAST book of the Harry Potter series to come out. Not that I'm going to get it anytime soon..

#4 I became a pig today. At least according to Amina I did. After fasting for two days last week, you can't help but satisfy all the cravings that you had while you were fasting mann. Heh.

#5 The Kentals made my day today. There were moments/periods today where some of us were pretty glum. But it was the Math Lecture after school that really perked me up. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I've been exposed to the air-conditioning for long periods throughout the day but whatever the case, Edel, Amina and me basically went nuts. Haha. We ended up singing to old Westlife songs, some classic Malay songs and, how can I ever forget, edel's payungku. HAHA. It was hilarious. I'm not quite sure why we laughed so much. All our worries simply kinda flew out of the window when we were crapping in there. Heh.

Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you're around
And cry when you're apart
If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know
So I can get over you
--What makes a man//Westlife. Amina, it's all YOUR fault the song is currently stuck in my head. Haha. geez.

p/s This has been one hell of a loooong entry.
p/p/s To the canoeists,

Perfection will not come.
Friday, June 22, 2007
The holidays are coming to an end. This holidays were alright for me. Even though I didn't get to go overseas like the rest of my family, I'm pretty happy right where I am. I got to catch up with most of my close friends. I got to be a complete slob when I want to be. I get to do whatever the hell I want to do in the house while I'm alone(which is really, most of the time). And I had pretty much all the freedom I want and I managed not to take advantage of it. So there, I'm pretty contented. =)

My family's coming back on Sunday. Finally. =) There's one thing to look forward to. Lets not spoil that with the mid-years ehh. I did miss my brothers and my mum(especially her COOKING. HAHA.). They may annoy the shit out of me sometimes but hey, they're family, we share the same flesh and blood. And they're always there. So that's that.

You know how when you're given too much time alone your mind tends to wander? You start thinking about anything and everything to do with life; the past, the present and the future. Well, I guess this holidays I was given just precisely that. And lets just say it simply left me feeling confused. HAHA. Geez. Not surprising eh?

Someone once told me that being a pessimist, you get to either be pleasantly surprised or be proven right. It's a win-win situation. And I guess I kind of believe that. Of course, I don't believe in being a pessimist 24/7 cos if I'm THAT big of a pessimist, I would probably have commited suicide by now. But every once in a while, I guess you can't help but feel pessimistic. Especially when things aren't going great for you. The times when all you can do is cling on to hope and that left you feeling disappointed or sad, that's where the negative energy comes from. But I guess you just gotta learn to let it go eh? Thing is, how do you let it go? Just accept things the way they are and move on? I dunno, I suppose we just have to hope for the best but always be prepared for the worst. OR, I'm most probably just bullshit-ing. As usual.

Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
-'All at once' by The Fray. Mann, I love their album. =)

P/S I know I haven't been blogging much at all. I guess it's because everytime I feel like blogging and I get to the computer, my mind will be blank. I may have a lot to say, but I guess I simply didn't know how to put it in words.

All I wanted just sped right past me, While I was rooted fast to the earth
Thursday, June 7, 2007
When the house is usually filled with people, you get so used to it and you're completely immune to the noise. So when you have the house to yourself for, more or less, a month, the house just seems so empty.

I miss my mum screaming at me early in the morning to ask me to get my ass out of bed to get to school.
- Without her around, I've overslept and came late for class. Twice. (Or more.)

I'm used to waking up to the sounds of either my mum screaming at my siblings (or me, for that matter) or to the sounds of my brothers playing music or watching the tv.
- Now, I wake up to the sound of silence. HA.

I miss the smell of my mum's cooking. =(
- Now all I smell is either the stench of the dustbin (I've cleared it okayy) or no smell at all.

My mum is usually the one who cooks the meals. Or I don't mind eating leftover either.
- I can hardly depend on me to cook a proper meal. My sister's afraid that I'll burn the house down so she asks me to wait for her to get home before I try anything. The problem is, she always gets off work late. So now, all I eat is fast food (fast food and me have become best friends. =)), instant noodles and bread. HAHA. I'm getting fat, I swear. Well, it's either I eat that or wait for take-outs. HA.

Alright alright, to sum it all up, I MISS MY FAMILY. =(
And I suddenly wish I was in Iceland. =/

what have we done today?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
So tell me,

Give me something to believe in cos I don't believe in you anymore, anymore.
Monday, May 21, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 I haven't tried anything from the "Good News" cafe. What is with the name of the cafe? OH. I tried a BIT of the peach tart from Shai. It wasn't so bad. But I think the food there is a little expensive.
#2 Lets shift focus. Move on from all the 'What Ifs' and take a step back into reality.
#3 Dinner on Friday night was goooood. I really do miss my friends(yes, this includes you farahin. Haha. =))
#4 I wonder if it even makes a difference to try.
#5 This week is the last week of schooooool! =) But BUT.. well, lets not spoil this happy moment.
#6 ODAC camp is next week. And I'm excited for godknowswhat reason.
#7 Alright, I just want/NEED a break. Period.
#8

wait for you.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 Aren't you tired of waiting?
#2 I can't believe the last school event is over.
#3 Disappointments. There's no way you can avoid them in life. But it keeps occurring. Why does it feel as though I've been let down over and over again this week?
#4 Talks at Macs with Amina has been goooooood. I can go crazy with that girl.
#5 Sports' Day was one big disappointment. There's no need to elaborate aye?
#6 Twice I ran. Both times in a unmotivated/hopeless state. Such a low, low morale.
#7 I'm surprised we won the inter-house cheering competition and the DNA race though. It was soooo.. out of the blue. GO HERON! =)
#8 It was nice seeing the whole house so semangat even though we all know our house people SUCK at running. Oh except for that one girl who won the individual girl's champion or something? Yeaaah. She runs like roadrunner. HAHA. Oh well. CONGRATS to her! We cheered like nobody's business for the sake of fun, laughter, peace and joy. WOOHOO. =)
#9 The whole world doesn't revolve around YOU, you know. GET A GRIP.
#10 They say friendships in JC don't last. True or false?
#11 I just don't know you anymore.
#12 I miss canoeing.
#13 June holidays is going to be a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely break. I'm going to miss my two annoying-ly fun brothers.
#14

dancing in the moonlight.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Today was a GOOD DAY! =)

The highlight of today? SOCCER MATCH: TPJC VS MJC.
HAHAHAH. Entertaining habis. From beginning all the way to the end. Yellow and red cards were issued one after another. I think the referee loved giving out those cards eh. BUT I think the red card given to Muhaimin towards the end of the game was complete NONSENSE la. He didn't deserve it sehh. The MJC players were playing rough throughout the match.

Not only were they playing rough, they were always attacking. I think the TP players ended up defending most of the match. Hardly any attacking done by TP at all la. WAHHH. Our goalie *ahemlooksatshaiahem* did one hell of a great job. I think it was daaaaamn taxing on him today since the MJ players were constantly on the attack. The MJ goalkeeper probably manage to slack at his goalpost la.

The most entertaining part of the match was the spectators. =) Of course the TP supporters were outnumbered by the MJ supporters since the match is being played at MJC after all. The strange thing was that the loudness and all the cheering for the MJ players mostly came from the student leaders. The crowd there who were surrounded by the leaders all seemed so lifeless. It was almost as if all their enthusiasm was sucked out by all the leaders who were cheering practically non-stop. HA. BORING seh.

I realised that most of the TP supporters that came down were Malays eh? Our shouting/screaming at practically ANYONE and everyone and the whistling (courtesy of Rahman) and especially the bootiful DANCING (by Faiz, Amira and Rahman in FRONT of the MJ supporters while they were cheering) were daaaaaamn funny. I think if someone had video-taped all our reactions to everything that happened throughout the match, it would have been a very hilarious video. We got so bingit with the non-stop cheering of MJ la. Plus it's always the same damn cheer over and over again. But all in all, watching the match was good fun. =)

TP put up one hell of a fight. I think they played quite well today compared to the last time they played against MJ. Oh. The outcome of the match? 3-0. MJ won. WOOHOO. That isn't so bad. The last time they played against them they lost 4-1. So this means they're improving! Always look on the bright side right? Haha. =)

OH. The MJ field was incorrigible. Daaaaamn muddy due to the wonderful wet weather these past few days. HA. Speaking of wet weather, the dark and stormy clouds seemed to have partly cleared. And the sky looks daaaaaamn beautiful tonight. With the countless stars and whatnot. =) Haha, okay. Random.

Eh, enough rambling la. I'm hungry and tired. I think I shouted too much just now. Haha. GOODNIGHT ALL.

OH. Before I forget, HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY ANISAAAAA! =)
Enjoy your day woman. With or without me, doesn't matter laaaaa.

Finding my way back to sanity again.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 Soccer match or library night?
#2 Stealing food from the EU on Monday was fun! Haha. I think Atikah is daaaaaaamn funny with her mak nenek expressions and all.
#3 20 bucks gone just like that on a cab fare to JJC to support the soccer team on Tuesday. The outcome of the match? Nil-Nil. Haha. Waaaaaasted.
#4 Am I the only one who thinks that doing experiments is funner than just learning theory after thoery?
#5 This week has been goooooood.
#6 Tell me about it.
#7 4 X 400 heats. WOO. ANGCHUANTING ran superduperhuber fast! It was amazing. From last to second. =)
#8 Lets hope we can do just as well for 4 X 100 eh? But then again, I don't want to run three events on Sports' Day seh!
#9 I haven't ran for a long, loooooong time. And right now, my legs are still aching from sprinting yesterday. How to run like this tomorrow?
#10 I got bruises on my right hand from playing volleyball during SPE. HAHA. Bodoh betul.
#11 Thoughts of what could have been are still going through my head every once in a while. Hmm.
#12 What does it matter what I say/think/feel anymore anyway?
#13

Thnks fr th mmrs.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 I went to Escape theme park with my family today. =)
#2 The rides weren't very thrilling to be frank. I was actually kinda bored after a while. Plus, it was raining for a while.
#3 Call me sadistic or whatever, but it was good fun watching my siblings/strangers scream their hearts out on the rides. Haha.
#4 The haunted house isn't very scary la. With the exception of two mats attempting to scare the shit out of me and my siblings, the whole walk inside was pretty mundane. By the way, I ended up cursing/swearing at them. Haha.
#5 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAN SIYING! I miss you class chairman! =)
#6 We worked hard for it. And the final results was just plain disappointing. It's one thing for someone who did practically NOTHING for the project and get a shit grade. It's a whole other thing when you've tried your best and gave it all you can but the outcome is still bad. So what's the point anymore?
#7 CONGRATS to all those who did well for PW! =)
#8 Tests, tests and more TESTS. Just kill me now, why don't you.
#9 Give me something to be happy about.
#10 Lets hope next week is a better week eh? Ahh who am I kidding. Quit hoping already.
#11 I've been losing faith in practically everything. And I think I've finally lost it.
#12 I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into this shit-hole and there's no way out.
#13 When it comes down to it, all you have is you yourself to rely on to pick yourself up at your lowest lows. Cos nobody can make you feel any better about it. They can't change your grade. They can't do anything. They can make you forget about it for a while but the fact still remains.
#14 The best way to predict the future is to create it.
#15 I've got pink panther to work on. Plus dinner's waiting for me. So GOODNIGHT.

Is there anyone out there
cos it's getting harder and harder to breathe.
Such a random song. I miss Maroon 5 and the lead singer's sengau(nazal) voice. HA.

You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007

shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give love a bad name.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANONEH! =) You're 18 now. That sounds so old. But yeaaah. Embrace it okay? I miss you mann. Really. Take care of yourself kay? Don't get yourself into too much trouble tauu especially now that you're 18 *wiggles eyebrow*. But I highly doubt you will la ah. =)

If Amina was right and there's somebody else's birthday today, then happy birthday to him as well. =)

Service Learning on Thursday was enriching. I love the feeling you get when you feel like you have imparted some of your knowledge to someone. To feel like you're helping someone out. The boy that I was teaching was shy when I met him. But then, after a while, he warmed up to me and then he got a little naughty. He wouldn't sit still. He was actually stepping on my foot under the table while reading the book. WAHLAU. Seriously. I guess he has short attention span. Well, he's just a kid so I guess I couldn't really blame him.

He couldn't pronounce words like 'here' and 'Jane'. Okay since Jane is a name, I didn't make such a big deal over it. But simple words like 'the', 'here' and missing out on words with an 's' behind, I had to point them out. He got tired of trying to pronounce the words, so he asked me to ask his friend instead. Then he asked me if we can play games instead of reading the book. haha. Sheesh.

I guess I won't regret having to go to that primary school every week for 8 weeks after all. Those kids are amusing. =)

Songfest that same Thursday was awesoooooome. =) Asri won the soloists category. WOOHOO. =) He really blew me away when he sang 'without you' by Mariah Carey. Showing off his range, he hit all the high notes beautifully. It was mind-boggling how a guy manage to sing notes that were that high. But he really did amaze me. From beginning until the end. WOO. He really deserved that top spot mann.

Nevertheless, the other contestants put up a great fight. Dixon did a good job. He didn't back down from the tough competition. For that, I applaud him. Though I had no idea what he was singing about, I can still see how passionate he really is when he was singing. Hmm.

I can go on all day about the different contestants but I choose not to okay? The guest band was rock-kiiiing. It would have been a little better and more sightly if the lead singer could just pull his pants up a bit. Cos it seriously looked as though it was going to drop at any point in time. But they still did one heck of a great job. All in all, Songfest was a blast. I enjoyed myself and I hope you did too.

Friendship issues. Honestly, it's all in the mind. It's all just little, little things that we dwell on so much so that it seems like one huge issue to all of us. Frankly, I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of having to pretend that everything's alright when we all know it isn't. I'm tired of you treating us like some sort of source for entertainment. But since you keep asking if we're done with this issue, then I guess we're done. Whatever makes you happy okay? Sheesh. There is really no point in arguing over practically NOTHING.

I'm sorry if you feel offended in any way. Sometimes it's just unintentional I guess. And I'm really sorry if we made you feel guilty. Frankly, I'm tired of this whole thing and by Monday, hopefully, we'll all just move on from this issue already. If it's not us you want to talk to then there's nothing we can do about it. But just so you know, we're always here for you when you need us.

I never knew,
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
--Over my head (Cable Car)//The Fray.

p/s This has been one hell of a long entry. Haha.

for just one more moment.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
#1 HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY!
#2 D is for dengdeng! =)
#3 ODAC camp was kinda F-U-N! I don't regret being put as group leader at all. Johan was the other leader who was stuck with me. He's a funny ass la. A pain-in-the-ass at times but, a nice guy overall? (now, don't get to egoistic ehh.) I ended up spending more time with the J1s then the J2s. But of course, I was kinda drowsy, tired and sleepy practically throughout day 2.
#4 And Johan, I do NOT get sedated by my own fragrance. That is DISGUSTING. Only you get sedated by your own smell okay. Geez. It's just a bad habit of mine. I'm not actually smelling myself.
-_-"
#5 Amina actually labelled me foul-mouth on day 2. They rubbed alcohol and salt in my blister for crying out loud. Do you have any idea how bloody painful that was? Geez. Can you blame me? But climbing to the top of the wall made me feel so accomplished. Satisfaction guaranteed. I didn't realise I got that blister until my feet was on the ground again. Mann.
#6 The outcome of ODAC camp? I had bruises and mosquito bites all over. I was aching like crap when I woke up this morning I'm not sure why. Plus THAT blister on my left palm. Which is water-y and looks disgusting right now. But all in all, I still had fun. And that's all that matters right?
#7 Sleeping in school overnight for the first time, wasn't so bad after all.
#8 I feel so lethargic.
#9 This thing that is happening cannot be ignored for much longer eh? I actually updated just now already. But I chose to delete it because I think that I was being wayy too harsh. I shall mull it over. And we'll definitely have to talk about it face-to-face mann. Somebody has to address the issue. I don't know how many times I've said this but friendship goes BOTH ways.
#10 I hope this week is a better week. Cos my mood has just been ruined.
#11 And the words that seem so hard to say, Come out when you've gone away.
#12 On a different note, my mum, my 2nd sister, my younger brother and I got fooled just now. My sister's friend sent a message to her just now, saying that she sees two moons outside her window at that moment. We literally ran down, open the gates, and ran out of the house just to check it out for ourselves. Of course, there was only one moon. Who were we kidding? HAHAHAHA. I swear foolishness runs in the family. I felt so bodoh then.

GOODNIGHT.

won't you be my solid ground?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Meet-the-parents sessions never fail to make me feel demoralised. But compared to last years, this year's one seem to not bother me at all. I was pretending to be listening and just nod along the way. Of course, some things that were said gave me a pang of guilt and whatnot. But other than that, nothing.

It's somewhat nice to have my elder brother's presence for the first time during a session. Though he wasn't listening to what the teachers had to say about me, he was just being him. He was busy bugging us to quickly get out of the school already because he was tired of waiting. Haha. Yeaaah. So in the end my mum only went to meet two teachers. And for that, I thank him. =)

We went to a children's party after that. It was my niece's birthday today. I swear my cousin's children never fail to amuse me. Their ages range from 3 to 8. Funneh. There were seven of them in total. With all of them in a three-room flat, complete chaos ensues. Haha. Actually, it doesn't matter where they are, they still create the same amount of chaos. Mann. I love them. Because of them, I completely forgot all about the meet-the-parents session. Hahaha. Kids. =)

OH. I went for Pentas yesterday. It wasn't so bad if only I wasn't so tired from school. I was sort of dying when the tarian(dance) came on. Especially when they danced to 'Sinaran'. I was wondering when the hell are they going to end. Haha. The plot wasn't quite there. But hey, it was good overall. Hidayah did one hell of a great job. The role was perfect for her I swear. Haha. Faz looked completely stressed when she came on stage. And Saihah looked like dikir comes naturally for her and she really enjoys it. =) Oh and Saha, you boyfriend is one hell of a lameass. Daaaamn funny. And nice too. Well, at least he isn't arrogant like somebody else's boyfriend eh! haha. =)

Alrightey then. Mann, I love the weather. I'm cold. But heck, I love the weather. The sky was actually pretty clear just now and there were loads of stars. =) But it's raining now. And I like it this way too. GOODNIGHT PEOPLE. (I shall say goodnight before whatever was said just now finally sinks in. And before my high-ness subside.) =)

Something random:
My nickname at the moment is 'Won't you be my solid ground?',
So my elder brother said to me online, 'I would. But it will be all slippery and whatnot'.
HAHAHAHAH. Sheesh. Nights!

I've always been a dreamer,
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?
Sway//The Perishers. What is with me and songs titled 'Sway' eh?

The art of losing.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 Change is the only constant in life.
#2 "The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster."
- Part of the poem called 'One Art' by Elizabeth Bishop
#3 Music and lyrics. Ahh. One of those feel-good movies that does not require you to think that much. I think Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant makes such a weird on-screen couple. I prefer her working with Adam Sandler. =)
#4 Don't write me off just yet.
#5 The things people do for cheap thrills. Tsk tsk.
#6 Why do I even bother. Whyyy? It feels as though you've built this wall around you and you're shutting everyone out.
#7 Have you had this bad feeling that just won't go away? There is really no reason behind it at all. It just haunts you like a dark cloud hovering above you that simply won't go away. You feel as though something bad is going to happen or something bad has happened but you don't know what it is yet. When this feeling comes, all you can do is wait for it to pass. Just wait. And pray that it's just a feeling.
#8

don't know who I'm kidding, imagining you'd care.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 My ears are no longer virgin. *wiggles eyebrows*
#2 The new canteen is nonsense. What's the point of having certain tables being higher than the rest?
#3 Sorry for PMS-ing like shit this week.
#4 The tide of change approaches, says the fortune cookie.
#5 Maybe it's a change that I won't notice at all. Lets hope it's a change for the better ehh? But then again, there may be no change at all. I could be just plain paranoid. As usual. Haha.
#6 Please don't misunderstand. I may not be sentimental, but I'm not completely without emotion, and there are moments when I'm struck by a deep sense of wonder. It is usually simple things that I find strangely moving.
#7 I love Nicholas Sparks. =)
#8 Some things just take time. Be patient and it might all come back to you someday.
#9 'A' levels results came out yesterday. The pressure is ON. I'm worried like shit. Time to prioritize my time. I wish I can make everything else disappear and focus on my studies alone.
#10 I'm satistifed with my Malay results. I can't be bothered to re-take again. The results turn out to be good for my standard anyway. I don't think I can do any better than that. Hee. =)
#11 Machester United VS Liverpool. Final score: 1-0. Man U won. HA. Liverpool put up one hell of a fight I swear. They were constantly attacking but they never got a goal. And at the last minute, during the extra time of the second half, substitute O' Shea from Man U just had to score. WOO. I think all the players were pretty stunned. Haha.
#12 Teacher: What is your name?
Student: What is NOT my name.
Mind your language. Hahahaha. Such an old old show.

Alrightey then. Oragnic Chem test on Thursday next week. And I know NOTHING about organic chem. Except for the stuff we learnt for SPA skill 'A'? haha. Sheesh.

Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone. No matter how many people are around.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
(Note before you start reading: There is absolutely no link between paragraphs. I just felt like rambling. Heh.)

It's funny how things can change in a matter of a few days. One moment you think you know everything there is to know about someone and the next moment you find yourself wondering just who the hell he/she really is. I guess you could blame it on the facades that people put up every single day. Or maybe it's just you.

The no-lifers(including me) went to watch the friendly match between SR and TP today. It was raining throughout the match. The players were slipping and sliding everywhere. You can hear them splashing the muddy puddles as they ran. The field was incorrigible. The ball couldn't travel smoothly. I think you get the picture. Final score? 2-1. SR won. Hmm.

After everything has died down, there's nothing left for me to say. So I'm just leaving things as it is. I'm sorry if I made you confused or anything but maybe it's simply better off this way.

I realise I have been apologizing a lot these days. Most of the time for my big mouth and sometimes due to my mild violence. I find that I'm always saying the wrong things at all the wrong times. I guess it's time for me to just SHUT UP. Then maybe, just maybe, the world would be a much better place. (plus, there are people who think I'm wayy loud. And I guess I agree.) Sometimes I wonder if apologies made are really sincere or it's said for the sake of saying it.

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
-->What goes around comes around//Justin Timberlake.

That's it. I have econs essays to work on.


I have no freaking idea what you expect from me okay.
Expectations, expectations, expectations.
Sometimes things get so bloody twisted that I simply don't know what to say/do.
At some point or another, I just want to be left ALONE.
Cos I think I might just let you down.

Give me one reason to stay here.. And I'll turn my back around.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 I think the girls in AI did so much better than the guys. Seriously. That 17 year old girl with the cool curly hairdo completely threw me off with her vocals. haha. I can't believe she's our age.
#2 Everyday has its own little ups and downs eh?
#3 Epic movie is ridiculously funny and just plain dirty. Haha. It made me laugh like nobody's business. Thanks Wei Jin for the treat! =) I feel like I owe you.
#4 Movies like Epic movie don't require much thinking and lets you take your mind off everything for a while. For a moment there, you feel completely carefree and all the things that were weighing you down just disappears.
#5 Funneh movie + Amusing friends (+ free popcorn(Thanks Michelle!)) = HIIIIIGH Saba. =)
#6 Yesterday me and Amina went back to school after the movie with the intention to study but we ended up hanging out with Joey, Patrick and the Monk (don't ask. haha.) I swear they are hilarious. But sadly, they're all planning to leave for better JCs. As much as they appear to be dumbasses, they are actually really smart. They are 9 and 10 pointers. Geez.
#7 I think what you guys did for Asmah yesterday was daaaaamn sweet. =)
#8 After a while, you get used to being left in the dark.
#9 I ran out of bags to use. Not funny ah!
#10 Sometimes you gotta learn to LET GO.
#11 You are a complete stranger to me.
#12 I've lost all my respect for you a loooong time ago.
#13 I've given up on trying to do anything about it cos I think you're just a complete waste of my time.
#14 I think I'm losing trust in people.
#15 Songfest is going to be interesting.
#16 Faculty tests next week. How wonderful.
#17 I miss rowing. That feeling you get when you're threading(?) on water.
#18 There's a lot of things that I need to do. But somehow I don't have the motivation to actually go and do it.
#19 Give me one reason to stay here.. And I'll turn my back around. That song is stuck in my head. That darn lady had to sing it just now. But hey, good choice.



Make me change my mind.

sweet home alabama.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELINDA POON HUI MING! =)

when I look to the sky, something tells me you're here.
Friday, February 9, 2007
This week has been quite a week. I realised that perceptions can change the instant you find out something or another about a person or when you see a side of a person that you've never seen before. And this week, everything seemed to have changed.

Misconceptions, misunderstandings, a whole lot of thinking too much and everything else. Things could turn out for the worst. But when you think about it, they aren't ALL that bad. Remember the phrase, "what you don't know, won't hurt you"? I guess that phrase is very true. But if things happen that involves you behind your back, wouldn't you like to know? Hmm.

Strangely, the people who make my days brighter these days are the people whom I'm not close to at all. I guess when you think that you're completely alone and the whole world is against you, think again, because there's always someone else out there who is suffering more than you are. And learn to be grateful. =)

The roadrun was today! =) The so-called "competitive" girl runners from our class came just when the girls and the teachers already started running. So there we were, the three of us, trailing behind with our tags in our hands instead of having it pinned onto our shirts and our hair completely unkempt. In other words, we were completely unprepared. No warm up, no nothing. We came and the first thing we realised was that they had started without us. HA. What a way to wake me up in the morning. Oh well! I don't regret anything that I did today because it's been a good day apart from the being late thing and the fact that our house got 5th overall. At least our house wasn't last! Haha. =)

Alrightey then. I shall go have another [scrubs] marathon now. I'll work on the Service Learning proposal tomorrow, I promise! =)

empty apartment//yellowcard
Monday, February 5, 2007
It's okay to be angry and never let go,
It only gets harder the more that you know,
When it gets lonely and if no one's around,
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down,
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
Then you'll look in me in my eyes and call me your friend.

Randomness. But hey, just so YOU know, I'm always around to talk to yeah? Come on, I give a shit okay? Seriously. All you got to do is TALK to me.

'O' level results are going to be released this Friday. GOOD LUCK PEOPLE. =)

something about you now, I can't quite figure out.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 It's been quite a week.
#2 Dinner at Long John's on Wednesday was FUN! =) I have never laughed that much since.. since.. school started? HAHA. Yeaaah.
Joey: I was in St. John's back in secondary school.
Patrick: Saint John's? Long John's. Eh. You got discount or not eating here? Both John John. They subsidize the price of your meals here eh?
HAHAHAH. We talked about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. It was daaaamn funny.
#3 I don't regret not going to the match in the end. =)
#4 But really, thanks for trying Anisa. =)
#5 Well, SINGAPORE WON anyway! =) If it wasn't for that penalty, I think it would have stayed a tie. Hmm. OH WELL. The point is, SINGAPORE WON! haha.
#6 Officially in ODAC? I don't know.
#7 KEK the cake. Your presence is missed in class. Really.
#8 Road Run next week. ALAMAKKKK.
#9 East Coast Park is a nice nice place to just sit and stone. Plus there's good food too. And if you're lucky, you can have an eye feast too. Haha.
#10 As the motto of the Liverpool team goes, You'll never walk alone. =)
#11 When it gets to that point of no return, what do you do?
#12 My brother borrowed the Scrubs DVD. Seasons 1-3. YAYY. I'm going to have a [SCRUBS] marathon. Oh yeaaah. =)
#13 The last book of the Harry Potter series is coming out on 21st July! =)
#14 Come, give me something to look forward to. =)

No, I can't do this all on my own,
No, I know, I'm no superman.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Two words: NOISE POLLUTION.
Don't worry I'm not going to talk Geography here. It's just that my brother's band is "jamming" next door. They aren't THAT bad actually. They have their moments lah eh.

ANYWAY,
HAPPY(belated) BIRTHDAY KAK YAN! =) And not forgetting,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to JODINE YAM and DOREEEEEAA too! =)
I miss the two towers of 4e4. Haha. Forever making me feel puny when they stand next to me.

Birthdays aside, SINGAPORE won yesterday! WOOHOO! Unfortunately, my sister didn't have the decency to tell me that she was going to watch the match and so she didn't ask me along! But oh well. I saw this sign on TV which said "Singapore sure to win" or was it "Malaysia sure to lose". Hmm. Somewhere along those lines la. HAHAH. So evillll. Lionel Lewis (I thought he's the lousiest goalkeeper) turned out to be the hero of the the match. Amazing. Well, well, SINGAPORE WON and that's that. Hee. =)

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
-- I think Sarah McLachlan has an enchanting voice. Okay. Random. BYE.

for every person there's a whole life story waiting to be told.
Tuesday, January 23, 2006
Got that quote ^^ from Saha (hey, at least I acknowledged you.) haha. =) Alrightey then. Just another one of those entries.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
#1 Friendship goes both ways.
#2 Sure, some things are better left unsaid. But what exactly are those "things"?
#3 You can't expect me to open up when I know for a fact you won't do the same.
#4 I guess I should learn to keep my mouth shut.
#5 You THINK you know, but you have no idea.
#6 You're looking for something you can't find.
#7 I forgot how SUPERFICIAL/hypocritical people can be.
#8 Maybe, just MAYBE, something good will come out of it.
#9 Think what you want. Say what you will. I simply can't be bothered to argue anymore. It's too draining
#10 Just smile like you mean it.
#11 Malaysia VS Singapore is on now! Haha. =) I miss that patriotic feeling. hmm.

sweat, tears, rain and eveything else.
Friday, January 19, 2007
It's hard enough letting your partner down.
It's even harder to let your coach down.
And it's so much harder knowing you let the WHOLE team down.
Now, I feel like a comeplete betrayer.

Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I can never please anyone. I can never be good enough for anyone. It feels like every move I make is the wrong move. And at that breaking point, I just felt so useless and disappointed in myself. It felt like everything had gone wrong. Everything was farrrr from perfect. And it can never be right again.

Dearest canoeists, if you are reading this, I'm really really sorry for everything. But I do want to thank you for everything. I will never forget all the fun, the laughter, the pain, the torture, the happiness we went through together. Trust me, I feel like shit right now. Even though I was smiling happily when I told some of you that I was quitting, you should know that I was actually feeling like crap. Each and every one of you mean something to me and those memories can never be replaced.

To Ber, thanks for being my partner throughout last year. We would have never made it through semi-finals if it weren't for your motivation and everything else. Keep persevering and don't ever give up okay? I know you and Evelyn can make it. You guys are stroooong mann. Just keep rowing... *finding nemo tune*

To Xinyi, even though our partnership(?) was shortlived, I enjoyed every moment rowing with you. I know even though we were both tired like shit, you still continued rowing and you continued to encourage me. Continue to work hard okay? I know you can make it. Especially in K4! Yesss xinyi. You can do this. =)

To my partners-to-be-but-we-never-had-a-chance, Rachel and Shaiiii, my goodness I would have looooooved to row with the three of you mann. K4! Now the opporunity to row a K4 has slipped right off my fingers. I think we would all end up laughing like shit on the boat eh if we had rowed together. Haha. Mann. I'm sure you guys would do a terrific job on taking control of that boat. Really. =)

To everyone, I know you may find this hard to believe but know that I'll be behind you every step of the way okay? You guys can make the top 4 National team! All of you made life in TPJC great. You never stop encouraging me, you never stop making me smile and you never stop trying. No matter how tough each and every training was, all of you persevered and make it through each and every one of them. I'm really really proud of you. And I'm proud to be part of the canoeing team once. Have faith in yourselves and continue to work hard okay? I believe in you! =)

Give me novacaine.

Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Fate can only take you so far. In the end, it's entirely up to you to take that final step. For example, fate can't control what subject combination you're going to take or whether you cut your hair or not. It's entirely up to YOU.

What am I trying to say? I'm not exactly sure. HA. Just a random thought.

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So KEEP HOLDING ON.
--Avril Lavigne

It doesn't matter. Really. I'm good at convincing myself that. So why should this be any different? You can't lose something you never had in the first place.

everyone knows I'M IN OVER MY HEAD.
Thursday, January 11, 2007

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
School was mundane earlier this week. And now, I'm going CRAZY. I haven't trained for practically a whole month. And now it's INTENSE training all the way. The only rest day is SUNDAY. I'm feeling pretty fuckedup at the moment. So really, ignore me. Just CONVINCE me everything is alright. Or better yet, SHOW ME.

Aku memang pencinta wanita
Namun ku bukan buaya
Yang setia pada seribu gadis
Ku hanya mencintai dia
-pencinta wanita//Irwansyah

RANDOM song. =) I've been singing it all day. Oh and that other song too. But I think I've been announcing that I'm a lesbian all day. Because I only knew the first line of the chorus. HAHA. Aku memang pencinta wanita.. which means I'm a women lover. HA. Ah well.

Physics test tomorrow. Ahhhh. To hell with physics ah. And everything else as well.

demi waktu.
Monday, January 8, 2007