Karma police.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Another one of those random entries:
#1 Fasting month begins. To all Muslims, SELAMAT BERPUASA! =)
#2 The Malay paper was.. bad. Even if some people said it was easy.
#3 Econs and GP paper this Friday. Damn it lah, why did I take Econs?
#4 I haven't started studying Physics and Econs. Ha. I'm DOOMED.
#5 Motor-mouth is an amusing show. Really. It captures people "shiok-sendiri"-ing and doing whatever in the car while driving. You know how crude/shameless(?) some people can be when they think no one is watching. Some will start singing, some will dance, some will dig their nose, some will stuff themselves with food etc etc. There was once this guy actually parked the car when he heard his favourite song on the radio. He blasted up the volume and started dancing right next to the car. Haha. Oh mann.
#6 I think Toby should have won Rockstar: Supernova.
#7 When it comes down to it, some things just cannot be ignored and avoided.
#8 I forgot how hypocritical some people can be. And it gets kind of unnerving.
#9 Can somebody please get rid of this freaky stranger?
#10 I hope Hady wins.
#11 Shit I'm going to miss out on the senior's farewell for canoeing. Craaaaaap.
#12 Damn I hate making decisions.
#13 For a minute there, I lost myself.

OK, I think I'm wasting my time here. SO GOODNIGHT ALL and GOOD LUCK. =) Oh and one more thing,

Don't look back in anger.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
GOOD LUCK FOR PROMOS PEOPLE!
And so the battle begins.

It's like I just stepped outside when everything was going right.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Random Thoughts
#1 It has been a week. ONE freaking week. And that image still haunts me every once in a while.
#2 I'm so damn tired. Of everything and anything.
#3 I have a feeling I've been moody in school. And some people can tell. I can't keep up with the smiling-non-stop face anymore. It's too tiring to pretend.
#4 The world is round.
#5 No Anisa, I don't think you can drown in a shower. Unless you suffocate yourself while the water is running. But that would mean that you die out of suffcation and not drowning.
#6 Promos are in less than a month? And September holidays are next week. Woopie.
#7 Just shoot me.

and so it goes.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
I'm exhausted. All this stuff is just so mentally and physically draining. And death surrounds me. All this inevitable shit is killing me. This week has been the most draining week. Even without the canoeing. Let me see this week was filled with: testshospitalfuneralkenduristudying. Yup. Well, just so you know what's coming.

Monday
This was the day that I spent the most time in the school toilets. Seriously. Why? Simple. I had diarrhoea. As much as I wanted to go home, I couldn't because nobody was home and I had no key and there was no way I'm going to get through a one-hour (or more) ride to the hospital with a bloody painful stomach. So I missed half of the Chem lecture. My all-too-sweet friends missed the lecture too. =) But I bet they were finding an excuse to get out of the lecture anyway. haha. I came in for the Physics test late. With my beloved k2 partner. (p/s I'm so sorry about that.) No, I didn't manage to complete the test. I even went to the toilet again after doing 10-15 minutes of the test. By the time I came back, Mr Yeo already collected the tests and so, I just let him lah. I doubt I can do the questions anyway. Without even reading them in the first place. HA.

Stomach ache + diarrhoea + foul mood = Bad day. I survived the 4.10 day with a bloody painful stomach ache which lasted pretty much the whole day. And then I had to go to the hospital straight after school. But first, I went to eat with Anisa. Thanks for the meal mann. Even if, we both ended up having stomach aches after that. Oh well. It was flling. Ultimately. HA. So I got home pretty late that day again. And I didn't get much work done.

Tuesday School was a breeze on Tuesday. I don't really remember it to be honest. But I had chem consultation followed by an extra Maths lesson after school. Plus maths detention. What a long mathematical afternoon. 240 lines of formulas altogether written during the detention. It felt as though my right hand was going to fall off. Alright, I'm exaggerating. But it was painful. What's even more painful is, even after I have written all those formulas over and over again, they didn't exactly stick in my head and I still couldn't prove the questions he gave to us. MANN. I feel so useless.

I got the bad news only after detention. Well, I only CHECKED my phone after detention. My aunt passed away. And well, lets leave it at that. When all hope is lost, what's left is the tears, the pain and that pinch of regret. And if there's one thing I can't stand and watch, is seeing my mum or my siblings crying. Or any close relative for that matter. Because it just sparks off some sort of chain reaction. And sooner or later, you'll feel like crying too. And you can feel that sinking feeling in your heart. And that feeling sucks.

Wednesday
The funeral was today. But I had to wake up just as early as usual. It was the first time I actually witnessed the full funeral. And of someone close to me too. I can't erase that image from my head. Somehow, it keeps popping up into my mind. And it scares the shit out of me. Nevermind if you don't know what I'm talking about.

I have been to funerals before. But this one was somehow... different. The funeral and everything else took up the whole day. And again, I didn't get much work done.

Thursday
The day that I tripped the most number of times in school. Honestly mann, how many times did I trip over something or another? If there was a record, I bet I would have broken it. The day that I attempted to keep my spirits high the whole day. Or maybe I just wanted to get through the day. Hmm.. I don't know. Oh well.

P.E. was fun though. After experiencing what it would be like working in a factory--packing things and stuffs, we played monkey! Haha, such a childish, old game. Then me, iyliana, amina, dixon, dickson and daniel played basketball. That was fun. Then Ber joined us and we "jogged" around the track. HA.

Me, Iyliana, Amina and Dickson went to Chem remedial after that. We went into the LT all sweaty and shits. HA. Gross, I know. But who cares. Maybe we stunk up the LT. Oh well. By the time I got home, I had to go out again for the kenduri. How wonderful. Again, I didn't get much work done.

Friday
The day that I did one of the most stupidest things that one could possibly do in TPJC. But first thing first, I had Chem SPA that morning. It was alright. The only problem I had was the fact that I couldn't really blow the damn candle off. I huffed, and I puffed and the calorimeter got knocked down. HA. I think I kind of panicked when the flame wouldn't go off when I tried blowing on it a couple of times. So, me being the smart ass that I am, I tried to move the calorimeter away from the flame by moving the tripod stand. And I completely forgot that the thermometer which was held by the retort stand was stuck in the calorimeter. HA. So I spilled the contents of my calorimeter onto the table. And the fire was put out. HA. Oh mann. Then I had to cause a racket when I was trying to put the retort stand back into its place. Craaap lah.

OH. I was eating prata during break. I poured the curry onto the prata already. I was trying to tear the prata into small pieces when one portion of the prata with curry on it flew onto my skirt. And, me being the jinx that I am, the curry-ied side of the prata had to land face down on my skirt. Daaaamn. So yup, some part of the day I was walking around school in a wet skirt with a huge stain on it which won't go off. HA. Mann oh mann. Thank goodness Friday was a short day. But it didn't stop there.

I went to TM after school to grab some lunch with edelaminaiylianajoshua. HA. So yeah I was walking around in public with the dirty skirt. Honestly mann, what was I thinking?

When I got back to school (I'm not sure why I went back also. My intention was tos study. Really.), I was wandering around for a while, really. Accompanied Amina for a while. Then daniel remembered that his bicycle was in school. HA. So we played around with the bicycle. More like, I played around with the bicycle eh. Ber and Iyliana tompang-ed me. Ber was screaming even before the bicycle was moving. HAHA. Oh mann.

Then Daniel got this crazy idea and asked me to cycle on the track. And I figured, why not? HA. Shit, I think that must have been one of the most stupidest mistakes I've ever made. First of all, I was in uniform. Which means I was in a skirt. HA. Oh mann. So I did go cycling around the track. And I got caught. By two teachers. Plus there was a whole bunch of other witnesses. Oh mann. Oh I got cought by none other than our beloved bloody fake CT. HA. He just went "well done, Saba!" and applauded in that damn sarcastic way of his. Mann, I felt like running him over with the bicycle. But I guess he wasn't worth the energy to be put into doing so.

The other teacher was.. well, it was the hockey teacher. Hmm. Whatshisnameagain? Hmm. He said something while I was cycling. I could have sworn I heard him mention canoeing. I couldn't quite catch what he was saying lah so I just finished my round and stopped. Haha. I think he said something like cycling is not allowed on the track or something. Hmm. Alaa. Anything ah. What's done is done. No point regretting what I did. It was a way to release tension I suppose. An adrenaline rush like no other. HA.

Somehow whenever I'm doing something stupid or when something embarassing happens, there will always be SOMEONE watching. Ah well.

That same night I had kenduri. And guess what. I had to go there in my uniform. Yup, straight from school. Oh mann. So my uniform went under severe scrutiny by my relatives. HA. Mann, everybody was asking me that same question "what happened to your skirt?". And then they laughed. HA. And Iyliana, you left some red marker marks on my hand, right. Everyone was asking me about that too. Mann, such a small thing can be big deal to someone else eh. OH. plus. I had a huge red pimple on my nose that day. And well. That was being poked and pinched and laughed at too. Mann, I felt like a walking punchline all over again.

The weekend
I was a loner all afternoon in Tampines library on Saturday. Then I went for the kenduri followed by a wedding late at night. Hmm. A long day. Quite productive, I guess. The only thing is, I had nobody to ask questions about the stuff that I don't know. Hmm.

Today was a pretty wasted day. It was the only day I got a break. From EVERYTHING. Though I spent most of the day at home. I ended up spending my afternoon reading foxtrot. Haha! Yes, a comic book. Damn, it's funny. And it kept me laughing and in a good mood. I swear I looked like a moron laughing to myself. Then I had to go for kenduri again. Hmm.

Well. And so it goes. I didn't have much work done all week. And promos are in, say, less than a month? I'm doooooomed. Alrightey then. It's about three in the morning now. Technically it's Monday again. Somebody please tell me that it's going to be a good week. Just let this be one good week compared to all the other shitty weeks I've been having.

OH. A neighbour of mine just passed away yesterday. The cause of death is the same as my aunt's. And I heard my classmate's aunt also just recently passed away? Come on, what's with all the deaths surrounding me. And mann, I haven't talked to my neighbour for so long. Then all of a sudden, shit happens. I think the sickness was around for a while. But I never knew about it. My god, how bloody oblivious can I be? All of us neighbours used to be close. Then we grew up and grew apart. I wonder how he is doing with this stuff happening to his mum.
Hmm.

chasing cars.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
This week has been a weird week. The pressure is on. And I'm really cracking under pressure. We all are, aren't we?

I went to cut my hair on Monday. No, I didn't intend for it to be this short. I wanted short but still tie-able hair. But I guess the hairdresser convinced me that that will be boring and my hair will look the same as before. Well, I didn't really mind that. But oh well. I'm pretty submissive. So there goes my hair.

The reactions to my haircut were damn amusing. Most people ahd a shock when they saw me. From people who looked completely shocked and screamed (I do mean literally screamed) to people who said "Saba, what the hell did you do to your hair?" to strangers who just plain stared to people along the corridor saying "Nice hair" (whether sarcastic or not I'm not too sure) and to some who just plain laughed when they saw me. Wow-wee. Loads of reactions. Is the change really that drastic? It's just a haircut mann. Hair will grow back. No worries. But I do feel like a walking punchline.

Quite a number of people asked me why I cut my hair. One of them went to the extent to say that by cutting my hair, I would cut all my bad luck away too. Well guess what. I was hoping that would be true. But it isn't.

We had two tests a day this week. Except for Monday and Tuesday. But then. I realise that not all of them are counted. But they're still tests for you to gauge yourself.

Well, I pretty much screwed up all the tests I had this week. Besides the Organic Chem one hopefully. I couldn't prove any of the questions in the Maths lecture test. Even if we did practise similar questions the day before. And I was crapping a LOT for the economics test. And I didn't know we were allowed to bring in notes to refer to for he BE Insights test. ooh, WTH.

I've been going back and forth to the hospital. And I spent the whole of Friday after school in the hospital and only reached home at about 10.30pm or 11. She looked so pale. And she looked as though she shrunk (when in actual fact her limbs are getting swollen). I can't bear to look at her much. Because it's almost as if she's fading away right in front of our very eyes. Like her soul is slowly being sucked out of her. Aaah. I refuse to talk about it.

ANYWAY. So we found out that she could be gone anytime but most likely some time soon and needs to be in care 24 hours a day. And well, when my other relatives found this out on Friday, the scene was horrible. There were people (aunts, uncles and cousins) crying and then there's those clueless children running around and having fun in a hospital. Amidst all of this, there I was in my school uniform trying to get some bit of Economics information into my head. How sad is that.

Well, I was trying to study using post-its. And I could not concentrate anymore. So I gave up on studying. Instead of attempting to console people, I gathered up the kids and entertained them at some place else. I hate crying in front of people. So I suck it all up, put a fake smile on and be the clown for the kids. Give them post-its, a pen and an MP3 player. That's all you need to get those kids hyper. HA. It's amusing really.

When I got home, I was too damn tired to study anymore. Trust me , I tried. And I ended up nodding to my Econs notes. HA. So Saturday's tests were screwed up. And it makes up 20% for the promos or something right? The rest of the day went by just like that. The highlight of the day? That little blue NOTE I got from Iyliana. HA. Well, lets be honest. It almost made me cry right there and then before the BE Inisghts test. But as usual, I suck it all up and concentrated on my test. Well, at least I tried to.

Alright alright. I've got two weddings to go to. Plus, I still need to go to the hospital again. And to top it all off, I've got a physics test to study for. The test is tomorrow. HA. How wonderful.

I know death is an inevitable thing. And I've accepted long ago the fact that all of us will die someday. But I'm still allowed to be afraid(?) of it, aren't I? HA.

The sweetest goodbye.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
^^I'm just listening to the song right at the moment. Ha. It's by Maroon 5. Yup. That band with the lead singer who has a sengau (nazal) voice. Alright, his voice is unique ok.

This week has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Lets go through it day by day ok? This is going to be one damn long entry. SO this is for all those who actually bothers to read. =)

Monday
One word to describe it: Draggy. It was the 4.10 day. And considering the amount of sleep I got the day before, I have to say I managed through the day quite well. Plus I've got good friends to help me through the day as well. So what can I say. The highlight of the day would be the apple pie. Haha. Oh yeaaaah. Not-too-cold, not-too-hot apple pie coming from the all-too-weird Anisa. Ha. Kidding lah ok? And I still owe you two bucks for it lah wahlau. Thanks for the apple pie! =)

Tuesday
National Day celebrations! I think I've fairly described it with the random words I wrote in the previous post. HA. OK lah. I'll describe it for you properly k?

The concert/celebrations in the hall were the norm. I think every school has the same concert or something. Oh well. The mass-singing session was the best part of the celebrations. It wins hand down. Heron was so overly enthusiastic! At least half of the house was. And me and my classmates were part of this half. Haha. Aren't we lucky? Oh well. We made a lot of noise, did stupid things, sing (not in tune, I might add) and had a whole load of fun. My house rocks. So do my classmates. Just for that day. Haha. Just kidding.

That same afternoon, after the celebrations, the usual gang plus Michelle Tham and minus belinda pooon went to Macs. And I got to eat HOTCAKES. The best breakfast one could possibly have. Haha. It was heavenly mann. Hotcakes are the best thing ever created for breakfast. Heh. Ok lah. Lets be honest. Breakfast. Everyone is hungry. So anything we eat tastes good. But that's besides the point! Hotcakes are still good for any other meal. Are you convinced yet? haha. Alright mann. I'm talking nonsense. Back to the events which happened.

Amina went swimming while the rest of us went to play the arcade after that! That hockey puck game thing. Mann, that was the first time I played it! It was so fun. It was awesome. We played it twice! And a third time with Poon (she joined us later on). Whee. Haha. We also played one of those car racing games which proved that I would make a very bad driver. Ha. I'll just collide into every car that is around me. And we played house of the dead! Haha. Oh yeaaah. Me and Ber. Partners in crime mann.

To top the highlights of the day off, I went to watch Lake House with Iyliana! The movie was really sweet. There were parts that got a bit boring. But overall, a good movie. Well, it may be a chick flick and I'm also easily pleased so the movie was good to me. =) haha. The movie was sweet. The company I had was sweeeet. Plus I had sweets in my bag! haha. OK, lame. I know.

Wednesday and Thursday
I shall put this two days together because they were pretty bland days. Hmm.

Wednesday was the family gathering. My mother's side. It was suppose to be a small thing between three families. Then I guess word got around or something and it suddenly felt like Hari Raya to me minus the money. Haha. Seriously. Kids running around and all that. And well, my aunt's sick. Not that she's always sick during Hari Raya or something but I think u got my point right? If you don't, then oh well. Ha.

Thursday. Hmm. Somebody's funeral was that day. I spent the afternoon sort of entertaining/attending to my younger brother. I studied at the library later on in the day. For about three hours. Hmm. I finally got the technique of Mathematical Induction! =) Oh yeaaah. And I did Malay. Wow. I like that paricular spot in Tampines library. You can watch the sunset. I mean one minute the sun was way up there in the sky. Then you continue mugging. Then the next thing you know, when you look up again, the sun is lower in the sky. Ha. Nevermind me, I'm just rambling.

Look beyond the reflections and you will see the beauty of nature. HA.

Friday
A long, long day. School was short. Then I spent the whole afternoon entertaining old folks. =) Oh yeaah. Service Learning was kind of fun. I would prefer entertaining young kids at the orphanage. No, I'm not complaining. Service Learning was a new experience for me, going to the old folks' home and all. And the two sessions we had were good overall. We came, we made them smile, we entertained and I made a few old friends. =)

After SL, me, Iyliana and Ber went to watch Click! Yay! 2 movies in a week eh? I sound like I'm oh-so rich. But no, I owe some people money. Oh mann. It's ok. I will pay back really really soon! Honest! The train ride there was amusing. We almost missed our stop. Iyliana was sleeping, Ber was stoning and I was.. Hmm. What was I doing eh? I'm not sure. I think I just didn't know where we were suppose to alight. Oh well. Haha. The movie was funny yet touching. And quite crappy, I must say. Ha. A good Adam Sandler movie. Well, all Adam Sandler movies are good to me. Wait, let me rephrase that. All movies that are shown in the theatre are good to me. Because if the movie wasn't good, it won't even be shown in the theatre right? HA. But Adam Sandler movies are just extra good. Haha. Oh well. Know this:

we've come so far and there's still a long, LONG way to go.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Happy (belated) NATIONAL Day!

Fun. Jigsaw puzzle. Joy. Rocking house. Laughter. Red and white. Excitement. Mass-singing. Or for some, mass-SCREAMing. Hotcakes. Hockey puck. Arcade. Happiness. Pure bliss. Sweeeet movie. Sweet company. Expensive hotdog. Family gathering. Cousin's son's birthday. Drama. But ultimately, pure bliss.

Random words/phrases to describe the past two days. Need an explanation? Talk to me. Ha.

Another short entry.
Monday, August 7, 2006
On the up side..

Did I forget to mention that Friday rocks?
- Service Learning was alright. It wasn't as bad as some people say it was.
- The trip to TM/CS after SL was fun. The talks, the fun, the joy and the laughter. =)
- I made a new friend! And I'm not talking about the old lady at the home but I'm talking about Sharifah, Iyliana and Edelia's friend. =) She reminded me of me for some reason but of course her command in English is wayyyy better than mine. Haha. But yeaaah.
- Some quiz I tried from Anisa's blog. HA.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Hip hip. On an island in the sun.
Saturday, August 5, 2006
Woopie. It's three in the morning and I just finished my Econs PBL presentation. =) It's damn simple and well, maybe, just MAYBE, a bit boring. HA. Oh well.

I've been on a streak of bad luck lately and frankly, I think I've been thinking too much.
#1 I lost my phone.
#2 I lost my ten bucks during SPE. It's either somebody stole or it fell out of my pocket. Of course, it's probably the latter.
#3 I hear about some crap rumour which is really stupid and is beginning to get on my nerves. (Lately for some reason or another, I've been more self-conscious and paranoid when usually I don't give a shit at all. Hmm.)
#4 There's that miscommunication in class that made a fellow classmate cry.
#5 The photos of ME on photoshare. Seriously mann. Who the hell views them to the extent that it's now one of the so-called hottest photos there? And it's my ic photo some more. So fugly. Bloody hell..
#6 My brother's computer which I always use crashed two days before the PBL presentation. Which I had already done and saved in that damn computer. So all was lost.
#7 Slides for Econs that I've been collecting since first three months are all stored in that bloody computer as well. I've never printed them out because the printer at home is spoilt.
#8 I got caught lying on the benches near to that place that they practice wushu. HA. By none other than mr faker himself. As if I care lah but still. OH. And we (as in meedelaminaiylianasharifah) saw him again outside the mrt station again just now. BAH. As if I don't see him enough in school.
#9 Helping out this old lady at the old folks' home at playing BINGO an I couldn't even win her one game. Until Kek came over and helped out. HA. We won one game. But guess what. They ran out of prizes to give out. HA.

Sometimes enough is enough. And the amount of work that has been piled on top of me and weighing me down just get heavier and heavier everyday. I've got a never-ending to-do list. EH. I just remembered that we've got maths lecture in about 4 and a half hours. And I've got to wake up in three hours time? Oh mann. Update more tomorrow? Oh wait, I'm going Malaysia over the weekend. BAHH. Perrrrrfect timing. How wonderful. That's it mann. Oh but I don't think I'll be updating anytime soon since my brother's comp is a goner. And SO. I won't be updating as much. OH WELL. GOODNIGHT/MORNING ALL.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?



And I'm tired of school. And everything else. BAH.

These are the days that I've been missing
Monday, July 31, 2006
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring you meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine

^^ It's by Jamie Cullum. All Edel's fault for bringing the song up. Now, this song is currently stuck in my head besides all the national day songs that has been playing over and over again in school. HA.

I miss listening to old, upbeat music that has meaningless, happy lyrics. Songs like Dancing in the moonlight by Toploader or Drops of Jupiter by Train. They never fail to bring a smile to my face unless I'm in a very foul mood. But that's besides the point. What ever happen to the good old music? You can never find good new music on the radio nowadays. You can only hear some crap techno/dance music or some hip hop or whatever shit kind of music which is just a pain to the ears, if you ask me. It's either all that or some emo nonsense that the radio is playing. Mann, what happen to all the happy music? I would choose songs like I wanna hold your hand by Beatles over hip hop/techno/dance music any day. HA.

I guess you can say that I'm an oldies sort of person. I still sing to boyband music when I hear them on the radio even though I was never much of a fan. I mean, come on, at one point or another, I'm sure you would find yourself singing to a boyband song which is playing on the radio or in a record store. Or surely, there will be this one point of time in your life, that you were one of those diehard screaming fans with posters of BSB/N*Sync/Britney Spears/god-knows-who-else on your walls. Sure, I bet you will never admit to that now. HA.

My point? I don't have one. I guess I just want to hear something new which is nice and pleasant to the ears for once. And definitely, something HAPPY and upbeat! HA. Come on, inject some positivity in my life. OK, now I'm talking nonsense.

OH, by the way, for those who still don't know yet, I lost my phone. Yes, AGAIN. But this time, I'm never getting it back. I left it on the bus on the way to school last Friday. Since I want this to be a more happy post, I shall not talk about how pissed my parents were when they found out. HA.

The National Day Preview last Saturday was alright. The pre-show was fun. They had local bands like Electrico to play for the pre-show. Then the hosts (Gurmit Singh, Michelle Chia, Jean Danker and Sheikh Haikal) took charge and got the audience hyped up for the parade. Gurmit, Michelle and Jean made quite an entrance as they firefox-ed their way to the middle of the field. They got some soldiers to hold onto the line on the field and to tug on it to make sure it was straight and safe and all. I bet Sheikh Haikal didn't make that same entrance because it would be far too dangerous for the people below and everyone else. Ok, if I continue this, I would be being just plain mean. HA. But I'm sure you got my point.

The parade was a bit boring especially when the reviewing officer was walking around the contingents asking questions or something. There wasn't much mass-singing. So yeaaah. I was stoning (I know, as usual) to the point that I almost fell asleep. My 2nd sister was nodding her head off too. Haha.

The fireworks were beautiful. Well, how often do you get to see huge, beautiful, co-ordinated fireworks in the sky right? So, whenever I see fireworks, it just never fails to amaze me. And the fireworks were co-ordinated in such a way that it bursts or explodes and stuffs according to the music. Mann, I love fireworks. But I think it lasted for no more than 5 minutes. Oh well. But I loved all five minutes of it.

The crowd at the National Stadium wasn't so bad. I was one of the patriotic people who came dressed in red for the occasion. At least I wasn't the only one. The whole stadium was filled with a sea of red. The auntie who sat next to me was so enthusiastic throughout the whole show! It was fun sitting next to her because then I won't be the only dodol who would just go along with whatever the hosts are trying to get us to do. Unlike some of the people who hardly participated at all. They just sat there and watch. I mean, come on, where's the fun in that? If you wanted to do that, you might as well watch the parade at home on television when it's aired on National Day and give the tickets to someone else. HA.

Hmm. School today wasn't all that bad to be honest. It's a 4.10 day and we managed to get through it. We crapped, slacked, joked, studied in the library and we had fun. Because we ROCK! Lets leave it at that shall we? =) For now, lets end this pretty meaningless entry with a part of my favourite song.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as...
plain ol’ Jane told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you,
Even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, Five-hour phone conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

If you can make some sense out of that bridge, or rather the whole song, I applaud you. =) HA. OK. Thermochem test tomorrow. I shall go study now. BYE!

Cause I can't stop thinking, And I won't look down
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky,
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I. -gravity//Embrace

This entry is just for me to ramble. Ha. Just so you know. So here goes.

The past few days have been pretty much a blur. Mixed up feelings everyday. There are points in the day that I would feel really happy and high or damn low for no apparent reason for the rest of the day. The two extremes. But then again, during most parts of the day my mind would be pretty much blank. And there's that feeling of emptiness. It feels like I'm just drifting from class to class and the whole world is just passing me by. Hmm. I know, I know, mood swings. Sometimes I just don't get it. On the inside I would feel damn low and empty but, you know how we humans are, we always try to please everyone, so you put on an act and try to make yourself feel better and force a smile out of yourself. You know you don't mean it. But you smile anyway, just so that the other party won't feel let down or question you. Hmm.

As the year goes by, my hatred for my CT just heightens. I can't stand looking at his face anymore. All of sudden, I feel as though I've lost all my respect for him. He's just so FAKE. And the thing about me is, when I have a strong dislike for a teacher, I tend to not listen to anything he/she has to say, so the tutorials I spent with him are just plain pointless. I will lose interest to whatever he has to say. Then I will lose interest in the subject altogether. BAH. And I have to see my CT everywhere lah. I know, I know, no use complaining here. But I just wanted to ramble.

Sea Sports carnival was on Monday. Lets be honest eh? I was disappointed when I found out from Hin fan that none of my classmates are going to turn up. I even thought Edel, Amina and Iyliana weren't going to show. Well, they came LATE. Haha. THANKS for showing up mann! Thanks for the support! You guys made my day! =) No thanks to my CT though. I just got pissed when I found out that he told them that they can go home already after they had mark their attendance. He might as well say that this sea sports carnival is pointless and is a total waste of time. You guys should just go home and study and make full use of your time. AND he does not care that none of my classmates turned up. I think he marked full attendance for everyone. Can somebody please wipe that smile off his face? I'm tired of all the fake positivity and him trying so hard to be cool/ please everyone. Come on mann, give it a rest. You suck. And you know it. HA. OK, I should shut up about my CT already.

OH. Ber and I won 2nd for the Girls Double Canoeing. =) It was kind of unexpected considering the people we were up against. The team won 3rd for inter-CCA dragonboat race! At least we won something. And for that, I'm satisfied. We lost to Track And Field and Soccer. HA.

I woke up with a whole lot of muscle aches on Tuesday. Damn I was in such a bad mood in the morning. I felt like screaming at wj and hf when they did their daily routine of bullying me. Trust me, there's never a day that they don't disturb me at all. HA. But as the day goes by, I guess I felt better? HA. Like I said, mood swings. I just don't get myself sometimes. I'm still having muscle aches now. And oh mann, training starts this friday. I have not made any decisions yet. Frankly, I haven't really thought about it at all. Hmm.

Eh SORRY edel, I can't make it for your concert this Saturday. My family's going to National Day Preview and I just found out yesterday. A completely last-minute thing. I'm so sorry to Belinda and AMINA. I'm so sorry k. I feel so guilty lah.

EH, enough rambling ah. Sorry if I offended anyone in this entry k. Though if it's my CT reading this, I'm so sorry I'm your student. HA. What the hell. Anyway, I've got work to do. 2 essays. One in Malay, one in English. Then there's still Chemistry and Econs. BAH. I shall end this with 2 interesting quotes.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

HAHA. What an intelligent answer.

"When you speak of someone or about someone, you should speak as though they were in the room with you. The ears that you speak to today are attached to the mouth that could relay the message tomorrow."
--William 'Biddy' Allen
1903-2001, Bus Driver

HA. In other words? Watch your mouth. A bus driver gets quoted in an e-mail. I want to be known for creating a good quote someday. HA. Oh by the way, the e-mail mentioned that there's going to be two moons on 27 August 2006 because planet Mars will be very close to Earth starting August. Hence, it will be at its brightest. Watch the night sky on that date at 12.30am. HA. Well, I got this from an e-mail. So if it's complete bullshit, sorry eh. =)

if ever you loved me, you'd say, it's okay.
Saturday, July 22, 2006

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

HAHA. I wonder what you people have to say to this. True? Or complete utter nonsense? You decide.

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Evil Priest. Where You Lived: Poland. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

HAHA! This is ultra amusing! =) What NONSENSE.

I went to study with Anisa this afternoon at Tampines library. I only managed to do Binomial theorem in, say, three hours? And I'm still no pro in it. BAHH. I can't believe I wasted three whole hours on freaking binomial theorem.

ANYWAY, the guy who was sitting with us was studying Physics-electromagnetic force. He was busy mugging for o' levels. WOW. He sure starts early. I wonder what I was doing this time last year. I bet I was still flunking tests, get moody after I find out my results then forget about it after 15 minutes or so. Haha. Hmm.

Enough lameness for you anisa? haha. I've got nothing to say lah.

We've come so far and there's still a long, LONG way to go.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
My mind is filled with random thoughts:

Random thought #1:
I can't wait for National Day! HAHA. OK. It's just that the school has been playing national day songs in the morning and also on the TVs around school. HA. Ok, lets be more specific. I can't wait for mass-singing! If the school has that. I miss singing completely out of tune along with everyone else in the whole TKG hall. Everyone's just enjoying themselves and having fun. All the cheers and the laughter. But of course, considering the fact that I'm kind of LOUD, I've received weird looks in the hall before. But who cares. It's NATIONAL DAY MANN! Show the pride you have for your country! Haha. =)

Random thought #2:
EH. I can't pass my sit and reach lah. Wait, let me correct that. I CAN pass. But I would only get a D. So goodbye GOLD, goodbye SILVER. Oh well. I'm not the most flexible person around so who cares. Haha. Well, I'm not aiming for anything this year. Wait, I never did aim for anything when it comes to NAPFA. I just do whatever I can. But of course, I try to pass. =)

A not-so-random thought:
Learning Journey yesterday was oh-so-FUN! We went all the way to Tanjong Pagar just to sit in a room in the CPF building and listen to a lady talk. About CPF; the schemes yada yada. The best part of learning journey was when the snacks were given out. The word 'food' just perks me up mann. =) So what did I learn from LEARNING journey? Absolutely nothing. Except that I think the full-length mirror in the ladies' toilet rocks! =) Haha. Don't you agree?

Another good part of learning journey was when it was OVER. I think the journey lasted for at most an hour (or less). HA. The ride to the building itself took about 20 minutes? Or more. Haha. Total waste of time. But anyway, a bunch of us were walking pretty aimlessly around that area after Learning Journey. We ended up walking towards Esplanade. =) At first, the three of us (Amina, Iyliana and ME) didn't really want to go. But Kek looked out of place. So, we went. To accompany KEK HWEE! haha. Riiiiight. No lah. Honestly, we were just bored and decided to follow since we have nothing better to do anyway. Haha. And I've never been in that area before. So it was fun to explore. =) All of us were so jakun (How do I say this in english ah?).

Walking around aimlessly with good company.
I like. =)
I shall TRY not to make this a habit. Well, actually, it's sort of already is. HA. Oh well.

Random thought #3:
Look at the sky during sunset! The clouds are so pretty. Half of it is orangey-pink. The other half is blue and white! My friend called me just now just to ask me to look at the B-E-A-Utiful sky. Haha. Well, at least today's clouds look like this. I don't know about other days. Haha.

Random thought #4:
I don't care what you might think about me
You'll get by without me if you want
Well,I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forget what you already know
That I could be the one to turn you out
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away
like the geek in the pink. -Jason Mraz =)

The song was played before listening somprehension on Tuesday. Malay 'A' level listening comprehension was tricky. It was just damn tough. No matter how many times you dig your ears, it doesn't help because the paper required you to think. The common test listening comprehension was wayyy easier. But that's because the paper was meant for people taking malay 'B'. Gee. -__-

OK enough random thoughts. I shall go and bathe now. Eh, it's still surprisingly EARLY ok! Haha. Nevermind if you don't get what I mean. I think I'm typing nonsense. Haha. Don't I always?

look at the stars, look how they shine for YOU.
Monday, July 17, 2006
It's amazing how being at the beach or simply lying down in the middle of nowhere, gazing at the stars, can take your mind off things and keep you so damn calm. Such simple acts can bring so much peace into your soul that you badly need at such difficult times.

The sky tonight is beautiful. The skies are clear, no clouds, no moon (I think), just dozens and dozens of twinkling stars. It's so tempting to just lie down in the middle of the road here in Pasir Ris View and just look up to the sky. But then again if only I can get rid of the street lamps then everything will be so much nicer. It's one way to clear my head. Of EVERYTHING. I need to find that moment of clarity.

Oh well. Today was such a draggy day. Well, it's a 4.10 day so what can I expect right? Well, considering the fact that I slept for only one hour the night before, I couldn't really stay comepltely awake throughout my classes. (Eh. World cup finals I slept for less than that and I managed to keep awake the whole day. I wonder why I couldn't do the same today. Hmm. I guess the day after world cup finals I was all high and shits about Italy's win. HA. Who knows?) I took short, deep naps during lessons today. Everytime I fell asleep, it will last for about five minutes (or less). And when I say deep sleep, I do mean DEEP sleep. I fell asleep during Econs and I didn't even realise that Mr Ong was standing next to my table and talking about how tired I was. WAHLAU. Oh. He gave a talk about CCAs blah blah blah again. When will he ever shut up. And yes, canoeing was, once again, mentioned. BAH.

Ok, back to reality. I've got truckloads of work to do. Come, lets all drown ourselves in a pile of work and misery. HA. Ok, I shall not drag anyone down with me. When I fall, I refuse to hold on to anything anymore. That way, no one gets pulled down along with me. Just watch me fall. HA. GOODNIGHT ALL. Eh, there's scrubs tonight. Something to look forward to. =)

Start to breathe and fake a smile, It's all the same after a while.
Monday, July 17, 2006
It's 4 in the morning.

I just finished my EoM. I don't think it's good. I'm not satisfied with it either. But I know one thing's for sure. Mr Ong's probably going to ask me to do it all over again anyway. So.. BAH.

I read the tags. I'm touched, really I am.

But I just need to figure this out on my own.

Whatever the outcome, I just want to thank you guys for being there. I don't know how I would survive without you people brightening my day everyday. Thanks for tolerating my nonsense and my slowness. Thanks for being there. Really, I appreciate everything that you guys have ever done for me. =)

On a different note, I'm trying to do my GP newslog now. I've only got one article from the newspaper. I thought of getting the rest of the articles online at channelnewsasia.com but guess what.

Channelnewsasia.com will be undergoing maintenance between 3am and 6am Sinagapore time, Monday 17 July. We apologise for any convenience. -Webteam.

BLOODY HELL.

Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
and everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide
-Come back down//Lifehouse =)

I'm sinking down, I feel like I could DIE. I'm falling off I don't know why.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Reality checks. Why do I always get these when I least expect it? I should have seen it coming. I should have said something. But what did I do? I just sat there and feel completely downgraded and non-existant.

Meet-the-parents session. My mum went to meet my civics tutor, my physics teacher and my chemistry teacher. First up, my civics tutor. He was talking about how I can quit canoeing and join other CCAs. Or I can go and negotiate with Coach and say that I don't want to go for competition. Hey, if that's the case, I might as well quit right? Blah blah blah. He was going on and on and on. THAT went fine. Considering I'm so used to hearing him say all that shit about canoeing and all.

Next came my Physics teacher. That's when my mum just let off some steam. I was sitting there listening to how disappointed she was with my results, how canoeing takes wayy too much of my time, how i'm incapable of managing my time well AND how great my eldest sister is compared to me. Now, that's when I just had it. I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. She was going on about how great my eldest sister's results was when she was in TPJC and how she didn't have problems like me and how she is now a great teacher. While I, on the other hand, is just this stupid ass who focuses too much on canoeing who is unwilling to ask my sister for help. Ok, I'm not quoting her word for word. But that's pretty much how she said it. Then I suppose she was trying to cover up when she said that she doesn't always compare me to her eldest daughter. Pfft. I think if my two other elder siblings had went to JC, she would have compared me to them too. She also said that my sister was encouraging me to go into TPJC after I got my O' results. What a lie. She did no such thing.

So that was it. My physics teacher sat there not knowing what to say. He was expecting me to say something. He was looking at me, with that look- Willing me to stand up for myself. Say something. Say something that will reassure my mum that I will do better for promos. But what did I do? I just sat there. And I almost wanted to break down. I will myself to give a stupid smile instead. Well, at least my Physics teacher showed a little bit of faith in me. Just a wee bit. But who cares. At least he showed something (unlike the other two). That he believes I can make it through promos with ot without canoeing. No, he didn't say that out loud. But he didn't whole-heartedly agree with my mum either. BAH.

The first thing that my chemistry teacher said when we sat down was "I think she spends too much time canoeing." GEE. So that's that. It was funny listening to him talk in Malay. But I just didn't have the mood to laugh or think about it. Not after the whole meeting with my physics teacher. My ears simply switched off to what my Chemistry teacher had to say. Because he thinks that the school won't allow people with bad results to be in the school team. Well, I guess that's one way of reassuring my mum. He suggested that I do canoeing 2 or 3 hours a week. Or I just go for one training a week instead of the norm. -.-

So that's that. My mum was fully assured that I should quit canoeing. When we were walking towards the bus stop, she was all "See your teachers all said the same thing. Canoeing takes too much of your time. Canoeing won't get you anywhere." Blah blah blah. The bus ride home with my mum just seemed like the longest bus ride that I had ever taken from school. That's when I just plugged in my MP3 player and completely shut the whole world out. But you know, it still doesn't help. Cos you'll still be thinking. And thoughts just flooded my brain. hmm. Sometimes it just feels as though I constantly let myself and others down.

p/s Don't get me wrong. I love my mum and all but sometimes things can just get a bit unnerving.

How can I stand here with you, And not be moved by you?
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I think I'm in love with Lifehouse. I know, they were a christian band. But hey, the songs that they play nowadays aren't THAT christian-ish right?

ANYWAY, lets give the last two days a look. Tuesday was my Malay 'A' level oral. I was the first one to go. From last, to first. What nonsense. I still haven't got over the shock and anxiety when I sat down in the chair in front of the two examiners. It was just too overwhelming. I think I made a complete fool out of myself. I stuttered, I stumbled, I choked, I froze and I did everything that could possibly go wrong when doing your oral. HA. The question was about life-long learning. For goodness sake, if it was in English, it would have gone quite smoothly I should think. But in bloody malay. Forget it mann.

Nationals were yesterday! Ber and I made it in to the semi-finals! We reached our goal. And that was good enough for me. =) We didn't get into the finals. But hey, that doesn't really bother me, to be honest. HA.

Apparently our school did better this year than any other year? Ok, so the other years, they weren't exactly a team yet. Alaa. Anything ah. Whatever it is, I'm proud of everyone who was present at Macritchie yesterday who is from TPJC! =) I'M PROUD TO BE A TPJC CANOEIST! haha. ALL THE BEST to Elvis tomorrow! =)

I don't know what in the world made me come to school today. I missed the school bus stop in the morning. Nobody had the decency to wake me up in the bus. Or maybe I was too absorbed in my own sleep and simply shrugged off whoever tried to wake me up? HA, who knows? SO, I took a bus back to school. And I still made it on time. BAH.

EH. The dreaded day is coming. I don't want tomorrow to come. Stepping-down ceremony is coming. It's going to be a sad, SAD day. hmm.

OH, I got a new tagboard! Haha. Go, go, go fill it up! (When I was typing this I suddenly thought of power rangers!Go, go Power Rangers! HA. So random.) Go and TAG.

I've seen it all and it's never enough.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Nationals are this Wednesday.
My malay 'A' level orals are tomorrow. (It got rescheduled. again.)
I'm feeling nervous. Tired. And completely scared. For both. I don't know which one I'm more anxious for. I just hate that feeling when you're being put in a spot. And every move you make is being watched. One wrong move, and out you go. HA. Trust me, I can't think when I'm nervous. And I can't even speak malay fluently without being put in a spot. I'm so toast. BAH.

Can I skip school tomorrow and just turn up for oral? It's just a thought. The idea of skipping school just sounds so welcoming at the moment.

For all those who have been living under a rock, ITALY WON THE WORLD CUP! =) YAY! But no, I wasn't actually supporting anyone during the finals but hey, it was an exciting match. Well, at least the first half was. And the penalties. I only slept for less than an hour last night, or rather, this morning. It's amazing how I kept awake during lessons throughout the whole day really. Well, with truckloads of food in class, I just kept eating. And stoning. I wonder where all my food goes to sometimes. And I had training after school too.

Right now I'm just procrastinating. I'm suppose to be doing my EoM now. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Drafts are suppose to be in by tomorrow. Ah, who cares. I shall hand it in by the end of this week, I promise. HA.

Wish me all the best for nationals this wednesday! =) And I'm sorry I'm going to miss out on the potc outing. I really do want to catch that movie but it's just out at the wrong timing. Oh well. I shall watch it someday, some time, somewhere, somehow, somewhat, somehow, somewho? HA. I think fatigue's getting to me. So what did I do today in terms of schoolwork? Absolutely NOTHING. HAH. Oh well. GOODNIGHT ALL.

I'm finding my way back to sanity, AGAIN.
Friday, July 7, 2006
I just found out how to get to my archives. And I realised that this blog has been going on since 20th August 2003. WOW. It has been THAT long. Looking back on old entries is so weird. Because I got to see what I was like 2 years ago. Oh wait, it's THREE years ago. Oops. I just realised how irritatingly whiny I can be at times or how bitchy I could be. Or how completely LAME I can get. I was one of those people who blogged in SMS language. And to be honest, I don't like reading blogs which are typed in that manner. I think I just contradicted myself. HA.

I just realised I can get irritated over the smallest things. Like, people who TyPe LiKe ThIs. It's amazing how they can continue typing like that, really. They have to continuously press the caps lock or shift button again and again. Don't they ever get tired?

Oh well. Nowadays I'm too spaced out to care about anything really. Or to get too irritated. Because I just don't see the point of wasting my breath arguing about the stupidest things. It's all too frustrating and emotionally exhausting. I wish that I can be immuned to everything sometimes. I'm tired of pestering people for information that is going on in their daily life. If they're not willing to tell me openly, so be it. I GIVE UP.

Ooookay. Moving on to today. What CAN I say about today? Hmm. I've found out all my results over the week. Except for Malay. And GP. For GP, I don't know how they calculate the marks. So yeaah. Results are depressing. But I so-called pass Maths and Econs. And that's it. Full stop.

Oh we got our windbreakers today! Worth my 25 bucks? Perhaps. Going home with Kiwi and Farouq after canoeing may be the stupidest mistake I could ever make. I felt like my I.Q dropped god-knows-how-many points. Kiwi has the weirdest friends and he is just wayyyy too lame. You know how the MRTs have this sign at the door that says 'Keep clear of the doors'? Well, Kiwi said that what if a person (like me) take it really seriously? Then what? He or she will be just too paranoid or too afraid to be anywhere near those doors. So even when the doors open, he or she doesn't dare to step out of the MRT. HA. Whatever mann Kiwi. He spent the whole 1 hour (give or take) on the train coming up with the lamest jokes and insults. Insults about who? ME, of course. I was the victim. Bloody hell. Pure torture.

About canoeing exco, well, all I can say is, look on the bright side people, everybody deserves a chance to prove themselves worthy of their positions. So oh well. We'll see how it goes. A big, hearty CONGRATULATIONS to all those who were elected! OK, I should stop being sarcastic. I sincerely wish all of you all the best in the upcoming year.

From an old entry: "Forget about the stupid exco. The coach always pick the SAME people to do whatever "big" job. It's so obvious who he wants in the commitee. So why should I even bother to consider who to choose. Because not everyone is given a fair chance to prove themselves. Why am I thinking so hard about this stupid exco thing. It's bugging me."

I just realised that I wrote that once before. Am I contradicting myself once again? Oh well.

OK, time for me to shut up. Eat and bathe. I am oh-so-sleepy. I refuse to think about the amount of work that I have to do over this weekend. Oh somebody just kill me please.

p/s My mum just asked why I wasted so much money on a stupid raincoat. By raincoat, she's referring to our windbreaker. HAHA. Bloody hell.

p/p/s Oh, if you do want to see my archives (HA), here's the link: CLICK Type the word 'blog'. Then from there, lets see how well you can navigate the archives section. HA.

Time check: 10.30pm.