something borrowed, something blue.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005 10:31 p.m.

Woke up at 12 noon, had a fantastic late lunch along with catch up/chit chat at Crystal Jade, caught "Just like Heaven" and did necessary shopping at The Body Shop. I love the holidays!

Now I get to talk to my favourite person :)

Monday, November 28, 2005 03:49 p.m.

I went to Tanjong Pagar complex today to help my mum get our maid's work permit then saw my orthodontist afterwards to tighten my retainers! I no longer have to go back to him but I have to extract 2 wisdom tooth which are starting to come out from the gums and they might possibly make my lower set of teeth shift so I want to get the extraction done soon so that my teeth stays straight!

Now, I'm home and it's Sarah's prom so I'm helping her friends and her to dress up and do their make up. We're both going to get a pedicure first before coming back to helping them to dress up and I can't decide what colour to paint my toe nails. I'm thinking of lavendar instead of my usual brown reddish tones. I'm their appointed chauffeur so I have driving duties tonight which includes sending them to the hotel and picking them up, then to Holland Village for supper and finally sending them all back home. Haha, I'm making my sister pay for my ERP and carpark since I'm going to park at Borders and hang out there and see if I can buy a few books with the money my mum gave me.

Sunday, November 27, 2005 09:06 p.m.

I saw a big black crow pick up a live rat today, perched itself on the fence and started picking on the light brown rat till it died. Damn disgusting and totally gross.

E and myself were in the car after having la mian at United Square when we saw the crow fly to the fence in front of us and started its brutal slaughter of the rat. I screamed at the top of my lungs but the drama was too good to miss so I decided to take a peek from his hands that were covering my eyes and it was still damn gross but it was fascinating at the same time because I don't think I've seen a rat outside of the zoos in Singapore and the crow was just picking and picking while the rat struggled. It's almost like going to the bird park, sitting in the first row stands at the bird show and seeing the show birds pick on their prey but only this crow was probably not trained by the bird park to enetertain visitors but was doing it for survival. I wanted to take a picture with E's phone but he thought I was mad so he just drove off. Haha.

Damn gross and sick but a definite eye-opener. I'm definitely going to think twice about keeping a hamster now.

Friday, November 25, 2005 07:06 p.m.

I spent most parts of today reading Esther in prepartion for cell later and thinking of what games to play at camp. Esther is truly an amazing book and I have no idea why I've never really read it before despite hearing my past sunday school teachers talk about it. It's really nice having the time to just flip through the bible study manual, look through commentaries and just think through the questions on your own and seeing how they can be applied to your life. Like they said, you always learn the most when you're preparing the lesson :)

There's the sec1/sec2 camp tonight in church so I'm going to stay overnight and play games with them tomorrow! Hopefully, I'll be inspired and we'll be able to come up with the station games! I can't always be modifying and copying past years games can I?

Thursday, November 24, 2005 11:13 p.m.

Shoe shopping today! Even though shopping doesn't give me the adrenaline rush anymore (or so I feel) and the shoes at home are all spilling out from the cupboards, I think I could live with another gorgeous, blister producing, damn-painful-to-walk-in pair of heels.

I received an email today regarding the registration of subjects for Semester 2 and that freaked me out somehow. Honestly, the thoughts of failing and repeating my modules are firmly etched at the back of my head and it's probably going to haunt me till I get back my results and know the outcome.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 11:29 p.m.

I think shopping's no longer that therapeutic anymore. I don't feel the adrenaline rush, the joy when I purchase something and I no longer shriek when I see something absolutely stunning. I went shopping today, got a new handbag ( I think I bought it because I just wanted to buy something and not because it was nice), saw beautiful shoes and I vow to bring mummy back so she can buy them for me but that's it. That's it! No adrenaline rush, just plain tiredness.

So I'm dead tired now, a tad hungry and feeling like I'm writing yet another report for school and that my creative jucies are being squeezed dry as I think of games to play for camp and write them out.

Monday, November 21, 2005 02:09 p.m.

My grandfather is over at our house right now because he needs to repair some lights that blew in our place. He's really a handy man and I'm honestly amazed that he can repair the lights, fix the toilet bowl, change the taps, replace the door knobs and all and he didn't go through engineering school to learn all this unlike my father. My mum is hopeless with all these repairing and fixing even though she went through engineering school.

Everytime I watch my grandfather fix all these broken stuff, I feel so skill-less because I don't even know how to change the light bulbs, fix the toilet bowl or even get jammed paper out of my printer. I always rely on my father or my grandfather. I don't even know how to take the computer apart and add this and that to it. My father says that when he and my grandfather leaves the world or when I live alone, I'll be totally lost because I don't even know how to fix anything and I'll be spending so much money calling the plumber and elecctrician and that gets me scared. I don't want to pay $50 to the electrician to just change my blown bulbs!

My grandfather says "wo mei you yong." Haha. I want to learn how to fix and repair but I don't like all these electrical things and besides I'm not in engineering school like my dad. But yes, I guess I'll put aside my nonsense and slowly learn from my grandfather and dad before it's too late. It's like cooking, I hate it, but I guess it'll do me good in the future and I'll probably have to employ that skill someday. I can't be eating instant noodles and drinking campbell's soup for the rest of my life or living forever with a fused bulb right?

Anyway, my grandfather bought us lontong for brunch! Super yummy but extremely spicy. I'm going to help him now so that he doesn't need to climb up and down the ladder to get his tools while fixing the lights and then I'm going rollerblading after he leaves!

Monday, November 21, 2005 01:26 a.m.

Many a times, I think I don't treasure my parents enough. Especially my father. You know like all fathers, he comes in my room, pokes around with my computer, ask a few questions and then I get all impatient and think he's trying to invade into my privacy so I start snapping at him, be all cold, don't answer his questions and then try to chase him out of my room.

Afterwards at dinner, I hear him telling my mother about his problems and struggles at work and I feel so horrible and mean because knowing how busy he is and how much he probably wants to spend time with me despite the little time he actually has, I chase him out of my room and on top of that, ask him to pick me up or lend me the car, spend money like money drops from the sky, go out till way past midnight and don't consider how tired or how hard he is working to bring money in or that he worries when I’m out late.

While it’s one thing to recognize this, I feel so defeated, disappointed and angry with myself when the opportunity comes around for me to show care and love and to spend some time with my father but I end up screwing things up and start snapping at him and think that my MSN conversations are more important than just exchanging a few sentences with him or asking him about his day. I honestly can imagine how hurt I’ll be if my daughter/son does that to me next time.

I guess I just want to better appreciate and treasure my parents and I'm especially going to put in more effort this coming month. I’m praying for patience, love and understanding and yet at the same time giving thanks for such wonderful, caring parents. I know I won’t have them for ever and I think deep down inside, all I really want to do is just be like a little child all over again, look up to them and think that they are the greatest people in this world (not that I don’t think they are right now) and just spend some quality time with them talking about anything and everything even though my dad sometimes blurts out in his anger that all women can’t park and drive and he doesn’t understand why we teenagers must take our parents car and go out for suppers or spend $149 on a pair of Levis.

Thursday, November 17, 2005 02:49 a.m.

So the 16th of November came and went. My exams also came along and my marks went away with the wind.

I start my 6 week long holiday today. I'm not particularly thrilled because of what the exams have done to me but hooray nonetheless! Extremely relieved and glad the semester's over and I don't have to travel to Ululand, do projects, study for exams, stay up late to complete assignments etc. I just hope I stop worrying about whether I'm going to have to retake and whatever nonsense and just focus on having fun and relaxing and doing the things I want to do because before I know it, Christmas would come around and then I have to start school and the cycle repeats itself. Besides, the grades are next month's worry.

Right now, I'm going to plunge head in and embrace my I've-been-waiting-and-desiring-for-you 6 week long break!

Sunday, November 13, 2005 09:33 p.m.

"Would I be one less person if I gave the wrong answer?"

A question I asked myself and wrote on the cover of my 2002 GCE 'O' Level chinese paper.

Friday, November 11, 2005 03:59 p.m.

Stats murdered, slaughtered, strangled, beheaded me for 2.5 hours this morning. I've never done a paper and left out 30marks and still be completely clueless and stunned about the other 70marks.

Rather thankful that the week is over and I'm done with 3 papers but oh my goodness, when I start thinking about the marks I'm going to get, I get so scared I force myself to think of something else. Now I'm just left with finance. I don't know if I can possibly absorb and understand all the 16chapters (as it is, I'm burnt out) and if I'll be capable of answering the questions. Studying is one thing, knowing how to dissect the question and answer it correctly is another thing.

Ugh.

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 11:48 p.m.

E came over just now with ben&jerry's after he was done with his project meeting and since he hadn't eaten dinner, I made him my speciality: Instant noodles cooked microwave style. That's probably the best food I can cook besides making toast with strawberry jam and campbell's soup.

He was satisfied till my mum walked into the kitchen and totally spoilt the market by poking around with his noodles and commenting "oh you so poor thing, your girlfriend only made you instant noodles and was too lazy to even cook it she put it in the microwave and didn't bother throwing in an egg" So she squeezed him fresh orange juice and yeah. Now he probably thinks my instant noodles aren't that great and special, he has an additional example on why I should learn how to cook something decent and his hints about how I should learn how to cook and clean aren't very subtle anymore. Haha.

I promised I'll cook him something proper by Christmas. I'm not going to be very ambitious but I suspect he's thinking fish&chips or pasta. I'm thinking rice and eggs since I don't know how much water to put in when I cook rice and I don't even know how to fry an egg so it'll be a huge achievement already. Haha, well I'm not that mean and lazy and I can just imagine the shock on his face so I'll flip through my mum's cookbooks and find something nice once my exams are over. I'm just glad he popped by because that really cheered me up.

For now, it's back to stats.

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 08:35 p.m.

As much as I would love to quickly finish my exams, I absolutely hate it when I step out of the exam hall and feel so crap and disappointed. It's always after the exams when you start discussing the questions with your friends, start flipping through the textbook and spend some time reflecting on those questions that you realize you forgot to add that important point in, that you didn't do your calculations right, that you should have wrote it in that way or used that theory instead of the other one.

It sucks. Really. I feel so lousy, so disappointed with myself, so tired and I wish I included that important point, didn't make that mistake or manage my time better. I don't know. I have no mood to do anything but stats is on Friday morning and I still have to cover 6 lectures.

I really just want to sleep and hide under the blanket.

Saturday, November 5, 2005 11:52 a.m.

For most parts of yesterday, I was contemplating whether I should even step out of the house to go for cell since cell takes up like the entire evening and I could easily spend the 6 - 7 hours studying but I remembered the girls at cell and how they all still faithfully turned up for cell even though they were going to have exams or were in the midst of it and I decided too, that I had to go for cell.

And last night after cell, I was feeling so much better and lighter. I don't think I laughed that much over the week as I did at cell last night. It was honestly, a good break, even though work was still sitting at home and I'm days behind in my schedule. The laughter, the studying of Esther, the talking, the munching on sweets, the company, sharing with them my experiences of romming with Jac (Haha), dinner and Island Creamery with E prior to cell and some together time with him after cell was certainly good.

You know I'm not looking to get straight As at this finals. I'm not looking to be placed on the dean's list or get a minimum of 3 As. You might say I have no dreams or ambition but after going through one horrible, full of work first semester in university and having to find my way around university and deal with disappointments, unending, demanding projects with datelines just a week prior to my examination, all I really want out of this is just to pass all my modules. I'm going to find my dreams, my drive, my priorities, my plans, my solutions, my focus, my aim, my ambition during the 6 week long break (they somehow all got lost and messed up during the mad head on dash into university) and bring it all with me into my second semester. But this semester, all I want so badly is to successfully complete this semester and never see Finance or Stats or Accounting or OB ever again.

Friday, November 4, 2005 05:08 p.m.

Now even my yellow highlighter has ran out of ink!

Thursday, November 3, 2005 11:02 p.m.

I feel like a biscuit. I don't know why but I feel like I'm crumbling. Everything around me is crumbling. I am so unproductive in my studying, I'm taking so long to grasp stats, accounting is so complicated, I can't see the big picture in OB even though I like the subject and my finance textbook has been collecting dust since last Thursday. My eyes are so tired and heavy, my elbows are sore, my brain isn't absorbing things fast enough, my face is peeling and zits are popping up again, my pink highlighter has ran out of ink and my neck hurts.

One part of me feels like rushing time and fast forwarding it to the 16th because I'm honestly getting sick of staying at home and studying. All I do is eat sleep study eat sleep study eat sleep study. Another part of me feels like stopping time because I still got a whole chunk of notes to understand and tutorials to do and omg, exams are in exactly 3 days time but I still haven't even finish reading my lecture notes and I can't remember how to write off uncollectible amounts, what the agency theory is all about or what impairment means or what the theory of learned needs is.

Ok. I'll stop. I know I'm whining and I've been doing that for the last few entries and I don't write anything meaningful now except to complain about work, exams and how tired I am but that honestly is all that fills my mind at this point in my life. I'm a total mess, everything's messy and I feel like a biscuit.

My internet time is up. Back to work.

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