don't rain on my parade.

Sunday, February 29, 2004 06:44 p.m.

leap year. leap year. leap year.

haha. apparently in Europe, women can propose on this day and it wouldn't be funny or looked down upon. how cool!

can't wait for common tests to start tomorrow. i'll be free by thursday!! yay.

Sunday, February 29, 2004 06:29 p.m.

sometimes, i really want to kick the government.

first. they make SATS 25% of university entry requirements. now they cancel it off totally. and i brillantly just signed up for it on thursday. spent $81.90 and 40mins filling up the forms.

on the other hand. i don't know if i really want to kick the government. i mean, at least chinese's not a criteria anymore!!! and i just need to get D7! i don't know what happens to project work now since they said 95% is A levels and the other 5% is CCA. argh. everything's so confusing. now i think it's not so simple to get into any faculty since each faculty can set their own interviews and tests and whatever on top on the A-levels. great.

Saturday, February 28, 2004 04:52 p.m.

just came back a while ago from visiting jacq-o. yesterday's hearts of praise concert was wonderfulll! :) almost the entire cell went. haha. worship was excellent, jon wong's band was also not bad but the acs(barker)'s breakdancing group was so so bad. haha. debbie and i were both squirming in our seats. really fun and johannes, kenneth, michael, debbie and myself were jumping around :) and debbie and cheryl called my handbags armpit bags :(thanks. haha.

oh and it was super embarrassing because i was walking up to the concert hall and then from across the fountain, debbie and cheryl screamed " hannah! don't get your heels stuck" haha. i wanted to sink right into the ground :) then johannes got me to scream, "jon, i love you!" when some guy was introducing the band and jon wong so that pastor norman, leanne and evan would think that jon wong has some secret admirer in the audience :) haha. then i made debbie and cheryl parade around with my heels since they made fun of me :)

i don't know if i should go for the prayer thing tonight.

Thursday, February 26, 2004 11:16 p.m.

guess i'm giving up on my common tests. cannot explain the reason but somehow like there's no drive. no motivation. i don't know why i'm even studying for. i don't know what's my problem but i'm getting sick of everything.

had an okay talk with my mother. told her about miss lim and her biasness and other noneness, about the no drive to study and about not probably being able to get the grades for the common tests. just haven't told her about the people part. i guess she understood and she just told me to try my best.

i guess i'll do what she says. see what i can cramp in. don't really care about how other people do or say anymore. but whatever it is, i better get that same drive that i had before the promos last year back soon.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 04:38 p.m.

the computer is addictive. the computer with an internet connection is even more addictive. it is a fatal addiction.

supposed to do the cell database then ended up trying to upload photos and one thing led to the next and i've been online for so so long.

i am so dead for the common tests next week.

Monday, February 23, 2004 03:50 p.m.

i learnt and saw alot today. i finally understood first hand what it means to be an ambassdor for christ. i saw what it was to be faced with tempation. and i understood the difference between fleeing from temptation and from just standing there and assuming temptation will flee from you. i saw what it means to be influenced and how peer pressure has a huge part to play.

and after all this, i can only bow down and say " thank you. thank you lord. for opening my eyes. "

still stuck in school trying to complete some semb corp geography waste project. argh i want to go home! i am soo tired. today's supposed to be day 1 of full force mugging but i guess it won't really work out. aiya.

Monday, February 23, 2004 12:34 p.m.

i'm getting quite irritated with some demanding people. i don't see why people have to show their moods when everyone is going through the same thing. i also don't see how some people can say some thing and do another thing.

well. it's supposed to be GP lecture now but szu, claire and myself skipped it to use the computers. i'm trying to figure out how i can get enough sleep and still study effectively. time's running out.

Sunday, February 22, 2004 09:11 p.m.

today was fun! whee. went to church then had lunch with kayelee. managed to talk quite a bit and i had lots of fun laughing and splashing water. haha. then went home to change and went back to church for captain's ball. but not before i went running with jon and evan wong to caltex with dan and justin following us. then running again around barker road with jon, evan, debbie and cheryl. wah. it was super tiring. at first, it was going fine. i still managed to talk to evan while we were running. haha cheryl debbie and jon were too far in front. then suddenly there were slopes. ran up, then had to make a turn to another slope. i was dead by then but jon and evan were like, how many more sets are we doing?

haha. super tiring but goody fun! i want to do it again next week. and next week, i'll try doing 2 sets. haha. i hope and if of course jon and evan don't think i'm pulling them back. feels like some family affair with evan, jon and debbie. if only leanne came. haha then it'll be some wong-y run except that debbie is cousins with them and i was probably related to them eons ago to some chinese king. haha. i'm not making sense, am i?

Saturday, February 21, 2004 10:14 a.m.

econs test was a total flop. i couldn't finish the 10mark question in the case study and the mcq was filled with money and prices questions. darn. i hope i don't do too badly.

yesterday at cell, we did some personality quiz thing. and i'm 96% melancholic and 58% sanguine. wasn't expecting myself to be melancholic. oh well.

Friday, February 20, 2004 11:37 p.m.

i am officially screwed for econs. i haven't even started reading money and prices and i can't even memorize the 4 main functions of money. i don't even know how to calculate national income using the income or output method and i haven't even memorized those limitations of comparing national income over time and space. i am so so dead.

well. i think i'm even more screwed for common tests that are coming up in excatly one week. at least the econs test tomorrow is only a test. the common tests are THE TESTS. and i haven't even started on anything. absolutely nothing.

i can picture my head rolling off, my parents yelling and the teachers nagging. and i'm still online. i deserve to be kicked! i need to redeem myself this week. crash study this week or face death.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 09:34 p.m.

recently i had the honour of people staring at my arm and commenting on what a prominent birthmark i have or gasp at how disgusting that "thing" is. well. not that i've grown a birthmark over the week but it's the bruise and the blood clot from the blood donation day. at least now i understand how those people with prominent birthmarks feel.

don't know excatly how it gotten so bad but it's like the blood clot on the upper arm hasn't subsided and the bruise on the lower arm hasn't gone away either. and i'm super afraid that it'll be there forever! i mean what if my blood vessels there decided to clot up forever? or what if they're dead? i mean, your blood vessels do die and that's why you get a heart attack right? argh.

well, if you haven't checked my arm out, you should! it's a once in a life time opportunity to see my arm battered and bruised and how i'll look like with a birthmark on my arm!

Monday, February 16, 2004 11:09 p.m.

i think MSN is way cool! i didn't know you could like talk to your friend and listen to your friend speak! so cool so cool! no more typing! haha. i was trying it out with celestine aka miss perverted genius. (hello celest!) the thing about the MSN audio conversation is that you must have a microphone and a speaker. and so i don't have a microphone and all i could do was hear celest speak. hahah so fun :) i want a microphone!

Monday, February 16, 2004 06:26 p.m.

i've been thinking the reason why many of us claim we have too little time and too much work is simply because we fail to prioritize. i've been thinking about what things are coming first in my life right now and what should and must come first.

things are getting quite hard to bear nowadays. workload's piling up. there's difficulty in understanding econs and geog. people are stepping on each other's toes. there's friction and lies. aye. the people relations have also been an eye opener.

2 weeks to common tests. 3 weeks to term holidays.

Friday, February 13, 2004 06:46 p.m.

commitment to cell simply means
1) not being able to join my classmates for a valentine's day dinner at swensens.
2) not being able to go out with my friends to catch the gareth gates concert at suntec. not that i like gareth gates, but still.

oh well. i made that commitment. just remembered that today's friday the thirteen! ohh spoookky. haha. but all's been going well and i'm feeling much more relaxed now. at least i had a good nap and i cleared my mind.

Friday, February 13, 2004 10:17 a.m.

came back from school earlier because i simply couldn't take it anymore. need some time off from everything and just some time alone.

thanks everyone for your lovely valentine's day flowers, chocolates, sweets, gifts and cards.

Thursday, February 12, 2004 08:53 p.m.

you know what this entire matter reminds me of? haha, a trade cycle. i don't know if that's the right word to be used.

but yes, a trade cycle. in the late 1980's, there was this depression right? so things were so bad, people were unemployed and life sucked. then the economy got better towards the 1990s, and the economy was peaking in 1995. property prices were soaring, people were getting rich. then came the asian financial crisis in 1997-98. currencies devalued, people lost tons of money in the stock market, property prices crashed. and this continued on with the war on terrorism and SARS. but things started looking up again. people are getting employed and all. i mean just check out our projected growth rates this year!

and so economists say that such "depressions" occur almost every ten years! i don't know how accurate my economics facts are but it's excatly what i'm facing. my own trade cycle.

i'm brought up again and then things seemingly are good. there's going outs, conversations. but then soon and unexpectedly, there is some sort of a crash. conversations stop, it seems as if none of us existed. and right now, i'm on the peak. it seems like everything is going right for once.

doesn't it make sense? well, it does to me. because i've experienced the ups and downs. i was told that i have no initative regarding this matter. i expect things to be done and i just reply. you know the more i think about it, the more i think i'm dreaming. i'm putting my hopes too high. but then i console myself and tell myself that i'm just being too pessimistic.

so confusing isn't it. nothing is certain. but i wish i knew certain things. and i wish i was told. then at least i know where everything is heading to.

anyway. donated blood in school. omg. now that i've taken out the bandage. i feel so sad. all was going well at first, i passed the medical examination stage and i was donating blood. the bag was 3/4 full and then my blood stopped flowing into the bag. the nurse shifted the needle a bit and it flowed a bit more and then it stopped. the next thing i knew, the needle got dislocated and so there was this major bruise. they took the needle out immediately and slap on this extremely cold ice pack. finally, they wrapped it up and it was hurting and super numb. and it's on my right hand. now that i've taken it off, there's this blueblack forming. ah. so much for being nice and donating and contributing to the blood bank. but i managed to skip like 2 lessons and have an additional 2 breaks :)

went out with yado after that for lunch and to talk before coming home. i'm going to forget about the geography test tomorrow. don't really care if i fail or pass.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 06:47 p.m.

happy birthday miss suzy lin szuyu!!! :)
also known as miss free and miss no hair clips! happy happy birthday!

pretty crap day in school today and i don't know why but i'm feeling so tired. i think i need some days to myself to just homestudy and take a break.

Monday, February 9, 2004 09:30 p.m.

had cross country today. surprisingly during the run, i wasn't too tired. i guess it was the company. anyway! good news! suzy the [wo]man came in SIXTH for individual! how pro is that? i'm repeating this for the suzillion time but i'm so proud of you suzy! six place is amazing! considering you don't train :) our class came in second too :) so amazing. oh and amanda teo came in FIRST for the J1 girls. that's super pro too :) i knew she'll get first.

after cross country, almost the entire class headed over to the prata shop at thomson for dinner. ate, talked and then sarah and myself got suzy a cake and we sang her an early birthday song :)

actually want to pack my geography file now but i realized that all my tutorials are in school! haha. like almost the entire class again didn't bring home our bags so if you enter the classroom now, it's like we're at PE or something because our uniforms are all over and our tables and bags not packed. going to feel weird walking into school tomorrow.

Sunday, February 8, 2004 10:05 p.m.

"miss hair clips, can you bring some hair clips for me tomorrow? thank you!
- miss no hair clips"

when i read that message, i just couldn't stop laughing! hahaha. well, guess which bigg idiot sent me that message :)

yes, none other than suzy lin szuyu. i can really kill her sometimes.

Sunday, February 8, 2004 06:01 p.m.

just when i wanted to give up. just when i wanted to stop all work.

"get a grip hannah..
you can't quit now. you cannot give up.
there will be a day where we will fall. there will be a day where we just give up.
BUT today will not be the day and it will never be any of the day in this year.
for we have the battle that lies ahead us for we must be fully trained to fight

we will ride into it fearless and we will ride out of it victorious
if we fall, we must pick ourselves up
if we ever lose track, we have our fellow commarades to guide us back
never ever deny ourselves that slightest chance of victory."

thank you my fellow classmate.

i was strangely inspired. but you know what, i don't think i want to screw up my life anymore. i sure think i want to do well. God is in control and he will be my strength.

Sunday, February 8, 2004 05:55 p.m.

i take 2 steps back (my fault completely) and you take your own step back. i want to know what's happening and if things are going to turn. i want to know what you're thinking. i want my questions answered.

Saturday, February 7, 2004 08:04 p.m.

i like silence now.

Friday, February 6, 2004 07:22 p.m.

i cannot do anything right. i'm such a loser. sometimes i wish i could change the way things work but other times, things end up screwed because of my own self. i'm off to cell now. feeling so tired and i've only finished studying 1/3 of math. probably screw it up again.

Thursday, February 5, 2004 08:25 p.m.

i hate school. school sucks the life out of me and i'm so tired considering i sleep at 10.30 everynight! i have no life. i do semi-loserfied things like playing pepsi cola 1,2,3 in the classroom, sing "ten little indians" plus there's a geog test tomorrow, a math test at eight in the morning on saturday and i have a horribly irritating and boring GP teacher.

my life just cannot get any better. some people write too much in their blogs and expose everything. some people are so so insensitive, they don't realize how much they hurt others or what they're saying. to top it all off, my frown lines are so so obvious. sarah can even see that slight depression from my side. and i'm only 17. how deep would that frown depression be when i'm 27? oh, and there's napfa mock test tomorrow. just wonderful.

the only good thing is that i developed a new skill. spent 3 lessons yesterday learning how to twirl my pen around my finger and now i'm a pro! i'm a pro pen twirler! i can spin it and do one trick and i can even twirl it on my left hand! haha.

nonetheless. i want to quit school. i'm sick of school. i'm sick of seeing rani. i'm sick of the endless tests. i'm sick of studying. and i really want to throw up now.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 06:45 p.m.

i walked home from school today! yes! i walked home! took me about 15mins in total. but i was brisk walking :) what an accomplishment. no more mommy's car. no more 186. i think i'm going to try walking back from school everyday!

Monday, February 2, 2004 05:03 p.m.

just read about my dentist and his best holiday destinations and whatever in the sunday times. how interesting. i don't even know why they interviewed him.

school's tomorrow. great. econs test on thursday. geog test on friday and math test on saturday.

Sunday, February 1, 2004 10:30 p.m.

did i mention also. i made a few more resolutions.

1) i will not frown so much and i will not raise my eyebrows at stupid things because i don't want to have to go for botox when i'm 25.

2) i will be a neat and tidy person. well. at least i'll attempt too. i shall not tolerate my pigsty lifestyle. i suppose i'll try bringing a pencil box to lectures and i'll pack my table first thing tuesday! so to suzy and sarah walker, horray! for you're not going to be sitting next to some messy girl anymore! and i'll try writing neatly too. no more scribbling. i'll comb my hair too before i tie it up.

3) i will better manage my time. ( i've said this a gazillion time). but i will. i will.

Sunday, February 1, 2004 09:55 p.m.

i'm tired. just came back from dinner and it really seems like some super long weekend. don't know where to start. on friday, went out to catch "stuck on you" with suzy and terence then had dinner together before i went for cell. cell's good. i'm begining to warm up to the sec2s and somehow i really like the bible study book michelle got the materials from. abit simple but still good. there's topics like forgiving, humility, generosity, loving etc. but i don't know if the others will find it useful or applicable.

saturday was the fusion 2004 at paya lebar methodist church. wah. worship was wonderful wonderful wonderful. imagine all the methodist youths from the various methodist churches and schools coming together singing and shouting out loud and just praising the lord together. really good. pastor norman (leanne wong's father haha) spoke. shared on a few things like missions, evangelism and about getting the youths more involved in leading the youth groups. so yeah. barker road methodist church had to make some presentation and daniel asked me to so i went along. omg. you know how scary it was. and justin khoo just had to embarrass me in front of everyoone! i think i was going to pee in my pants but yeah, didn't know what to speak but God was with me all the time throughout that few minutes. he gave me the words to speak. lovely too praying with jacq, gilly, lifeng, zhimei and being prayed for by daniel and rev. juliette. thank you for your prayers.

and if you ask me what i took out from fusion 2004. it wasn't really about evangelism or missions or even that little speech i read over and over again to myself. (i'm sorry pastor norman. haha) but instead, it was that of being deaf. "let him who has ears, hear." to be able to hear our father calling us. hear our father speaking to us. and i know this will take time. and with the reading of his word, worshipping him and all that and slowly, knowing him more initimately, i will identify his voice. our father's voice. and that's what i want. i want to hear my father calling me. i want to hear him speak to me. but i want to obey him too. but it also made me realize how i need him so much and i want him to be in every part of my life and not just my "sugar daddy".
and you know what. i love our father in heaven. i love our lord.

anyway. sunday today. had communion service then breakfast meeting with michelle and deanne about cell. then stayed a while more and talked to people. came home. slept. headed over to efrem's house for tea. there were in total like 5 familes? just kept on eating and eating and eating and talking. the parents are planning a china trip! just that the dates are not confirmed because everyone's so busy and the mothers want to go in spring, the children want to go in summer so that we can shop for summer clothings and the fathers want to go in winter so that it'll be cooler. so complicated. i'm going to buck up on my chinese!

think i'm going to watch infernal affairs (2) now. i'm so happy that tomorrow is a holiday! so happy so happy. yay!

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