I think I've been bitching to family and friends about how busy and how crazy my life has been recently. About how I havent had time to even scratch myself and how it's making me more tired than anything else. So, the weekend really nailed it for me and now I think my body is really giving up the ghost. We went to my sister in laws place for her engagement/baby shower type function. The car we rented was nice to look at, but it was hard to drive. So, a five hour drive turned into a lot of discomfort. Do I bother going into the details? No. I cant be stuffed.

So, after having to wake up early on Sunday morning to take the piece of shit car back to the depot, something bad happens. G has a seizure and I guess his family went into melt down mode. I am probably exagerrating a bit, but the whole situation stressed them and upset them. It upset me, but I've been there before, I know the drill and I guess, it is a little easier for me. I'm still worried about him because the meds he is on dont appear to be helping as much as they should. In other words, why did it happen at all if he was doing the right thing? He's off to the neurologist next week and I'm stressed about all of it. Perhaps that's why I am sleeping right through the night but not well and that's why I have migraines and neck aches when I wake up in the morning.

It's upsetting to see someone you love go through something that neither you or they can control. So, I drove the five hours home in the uncomfortable car while he rested. Not a problem for me, I'd do it all again if I had to, but the whole weekend has taken a lot out of me.

Do you know what else upsets me? A tantrum-prone sister in-law?? to be giving G and me and our family a hard time during the weekend. All because she didnt get the room she usually sleeps in, she made the weekend quite uncomfortable. It didnt make for a lasting first impression when you say hello to a person and she gives you the death stare from hell, does it?

So, yeh reality kinda bites right now. I mean, our family and friends are as close to us as ever before, but somehow, I feel things closing in on me and I just want to release the pressure a bit. I think this means being as selfish as I have ever been, taking time for myself, relaxing and doing my own thing. So, how can I get that when sometimes there's an unnecesaary expectation to spend time with others? I dont know. I think I also have to simplify parts of my life. I have been tutoring, I think I need that time for myself - it's probably more productive to relax than to tutor. I've taken up yoga and I'll continue playing tennis, which will give me outlets, as does my gym membership.

How much longer can I work for a heartless company? This week, my big corporate giant company went through another bout of redundancies. I've been with this company for almost two years and I think I've counted three redundancy rounds. What gives? What's happening that these arsehole managers arenthiring the right people, that they have to go sack the good people?

The worst occured on MOnday. The background story needs to be told first. A very brave, strong woman named Marg who I used to work with passed away a few weeks ago. Her son was also working at the same company. HE was in the IT department, managing a few staff. He returned to work on MOnday morning and shortly after lunch, he was told he was made redundant.

I suddenly dont want to be working for this company and I feel a great deal of malice and disdain for this place. I know one thing, when I go to leave and have my exit interview, I'm going to tell them everything. Everything. There's got to be a company out there that has a little bit of heart about their employees.

Meanwhile, the redundancies keep coming and we're all starting to feel the pinch here, though I am assured that I am safe. And you know? Meanwhile, I search for a new place to work, even though I absolutely love working with my boss, loved working with Margaret and love the role I have.