Every time I spend time with little Aari, I find my life ideals become a bit cloudy for me. I am not what I would classify, a maternal person who desires children. I don't think I ever have been. When I was very young, I wanted 35 children and didn't want to marry one of those 'yukky men', as my mum recounted to me many years later. So, I have all but married one of those 'yukky men' - Glen, hurry up and propose! Ok, so I digressed, but he'll never read it, will he? Anyways, where was I? Oh yeh - turmoil.

So, everytime I spend time with Aari, I feel a slight twinge about whether I want to be a parent. I start to re-assess my notions of never having children, and wonder whether I'll regret it later and wished I'd had children or wished I'd entertained the notion a little more than I do.

I see Karlene with Aari and I see someone who never wanted children, but quite by accident, she did. She doesn't regret it, I don't think. He's a charming little fella, he's high maintenance though. They say little boys are high maintenance and grow to be very easy teenagers and that little girls are easy babies and hard teenagers to live with.

I'm just a bit conflicted, I think. This is probably more an issue since Glen said ever so casually that it wouldn't be such a bad idea, that he wouldn't care too much either way. This is compared to the guy I met who didn't want children EVER! I wasn't drawn to him for that reason, but it helped me feel more comfortable about my unspoken ideas.

Anyways, this is my internal struggle every time I see the little guy. It's not such a big deal. I have a few years to decide what I really want to do and I suppose the old clock might start ticking then or it won't and then I'll know.

In other news, I'm flying out tomorrow morning for Canberra, or should I say, Rome? Perhaps I'll see Nero or a proletarian? Don't worry about me, just something to crap on about. Anyways, the point is that I probably won't be updating and I won't have access to my gmail account. So, for those of you who have access to my work account, please email me. I could use the distraction and will respond. I'm meeting up with a few friends I know in Canberra, so there'll be a couple of nights I'll be able to get out and socialise a bit, I hope. I'm also planning on taking advantage of the hotel's gym. I haven't been to the gym in a while and my body is feeling it unfortauntely. So, I thought I'd go to a gym that was free and try to get myself back into it. Then I might have time to get into the gym in my building. FIngers crossed. I'm feeling a little fat these days. I am certain I have gained more weight over Christmas and it's that uncomfortable feeling.

Anyways, have a good week everyone and if you want to email me at work this week, drop me an email at gmail and I'll consider it carefully... ;) Oh yeh, sorry about the link to my car. Bugger that, huh?

Is it that because I am bloody impatient, or because my car isn't worth shit? I've had two people call about my car and no one has come to look at it! Am I delusional about selling it?

I just want to sell the bloody thing! ARGH! I'm going to bed, I'm too tired for this crap.

P.S. Mine's the "teal" green car. Whoops. Wanna buy a Camry?!

When I'm suffering from a common summer heat rash and I ask for some anti-bacterial cream, don't rant and rave at me about how fabulous it is, how this "anti-fungal" cream is great, but I should follow up with another type of "ANTI! FUNGAL!" cream once finished using this one. No, don't talk at the top of your voice to me in the pharmacy when there are about 20 other people very close by waiting to be served. I'm bound to get a little pissed off at the inference that I have a fungal infection, when all it is, is a bloody heat rash from the heat, you stupid cow of an ignorant pharmacy assistant!

Suffice to say, I'm never going back to that pharmacy again! Stupid wench!!

I knew yesterday when I stepped onto the plane at Canberra, that flying from 27 degrees to a cool 37 degrees, I was going to be ill. So, when I arrived home, I had a shower and sat my carcass down and blogged, surfed the net and relaxed. I developed a headache, but didn't think much of it. We ordered pizza - yummy meatlovers! Glen and I hung out for the night, watching some tv and then played some Warcraft, which I'm getting a bit addicted to. Pity that the computer is upstairs and it's stinking hot upstairs. So, my headache got worse and by the time I got to bed, I was sorry I stayed up at all. THis morning, I woke up and yep, the headache is there still!! It was bad actually, so I slept and slept and we missed our chance to go to the Australian Open with our ground passes. I'm so annoyed. It's been such a stinker of a day today, we've been holed up inside and it's not that pleasant. And even now, it's crappy!! Damn the weather here. I want winter!!

I'm back! Did you miss me?? I was away! Ok, so maybe no one missed me. Hrm. Well, I went through net withdrawals, so I did what any net junkie does - I wrote down my journel entry onto a scrappy piece of paper, ready to be inserted into my webpage. So, here begins my rant via my scrawl, written in my hotel room in Canberra.

I have decided that plane travel is not my thing. Let's not even dwell on the fact that I hate turbulence and it shits me to be allocated the 'E' seat and being 'piggy in the middle' between two large business men who weren't interested in giving me any more space than a skeleton needs. I swear! So, the reason I hate plan travel and this might surprise you considering all the whinging I've just gone on with, but the thing that makes plans travel such a bloody pain in the arse for me is the fact that my torso is too long, hence, I cannot comfortably place my elbows on the arm rest - they are too far away and my arms/elbows don't come down that far!! So, I am left to cross my arms and that can be very uncomfortable for a broad-shouldered girl like me. Do yourself a favour, try it, see what I am ranting about. See if you can comfortably sit and have your arms and elbows touching/resting on the arm rest and then see why I am whinging! They need to make the arm rests adjustable so I can slide them up and down.

Secondly, and no one should be surprised by this, but as I was wedged between the suits on the plane, I discovered that the blueberry and apple muffins I was given as a snack, smelled like blueberry and apple, I found pieces of apple and, get this, one TOKEN piece of blueberry - ONE! I swaer. They must have been expensive the day those muffins were made. Am I the only one who finds this a bit amusing? One teensy weensy little piece of bluebrry and I can't even vouch for whether it was a full blueberry, or a partial. HRM!

I was disgusted to see another story in as many days of a poor tortured kitten being battered by what appears to be a stupid, sadistic group of bored, bastard teenagers in Sydney. I am so pissed off, it really sickens me and I truly hope that the law nails their fucken little arses to the wall. It makes me that angry, angry enough to swear on here about it. There are two things I won't tolerate - any abuse to children or animals. It makes me ill to think about it and reminds me of all those psychology books I've read about serial killers and about how this is how they start their life of killing. People like those who tortured these kittens are savage animals and mentally unstable.

One other oddity before I get into work related and car related stuff. Glen and I own an electric toothbrush, so when I had to go to Canberra overnight, I had to buy a toothbrush. I haven't used an old fashioned toothbrush in so long, it felt very odd having to actually move my hand up and down and in circles to brush my teeth and it made me wonder - which is the best clean? Everyone I know tells me it's handsdown, the electric toothbrush, but there is something grassroots about using an old fashioned toothbrush that I enjoyed. Am I sick? Let me just say I am pleased to be back in the land of electric toothbrushness!

Work stuff. My two days in Canberra were very productive, I got a lot of work done and got to meet a lot of people from the office whom I have emailed and spoken on the phone to, but it's always nice to put a face to the voice. And although I am back now in Melbourne, I'm probably going to be gone the entire week next week. It's a little daunting, but I'll cope, just going to miss my sweetness. I missed him for one night, that was bad enough. :(

Car stuff - I got my second phone call last night from a girl who sounded young, but she also sounded like she'd thought out the questions she wanted to know about the car etc. She was prepared and I think she was comparing all the cars on her list. I hope she calls back, as she sounded genuinely interested. I'm more than ready to sell my car, though I still have to do a few paint touchups over the weekend.

Anyways, that's it for me. Tomorrow is Australia Day and Glen and I are going to the Australian Open with our ground passes in hope of seeing some good tennis. It's good to be home. I've missed it.

Let me just say that I am in such a foul mood today, it's ridiculous. I've pissed Glen off about as many time as I have drawn breath and it's not even 3pm. I can't work out whether it's because I am flying out tomorrow, which mind you, is only for the night, or because I got bad sleep, which might have been triggered by my angst about tomorrow's flight. Humbug. I'm just a joy to be around today. I couldn't even find any joy in buying a snazzy blue strippy toiletry bag for my trip, in leui of the fact that I have lost my other geriatric thing from high school - it was a Ken Done thing and was black. Very classy, probably time to lose it and get a new one. Maybe it's because no one has called me about my car - said stupid bastard from Thursday who called demanding to see it never phoned again on Friday. Screw him! *huff* Sorry for the charming behaviour, I shall now go sleep, me thinks.

Ok, so I promised I would update about the former colleagues lunch I had on Wednesday, so here I am. In actual fact, my account of it won't take me long. It all came down to this. The first 2 months of my new job, which is until now, I have been missing my old friends and boss. I have been wondering if I made the right decision and as a result, I haven't really been enjoying my new job. I just wasn't appreciating it, if that makes sense. So, when I caught up with Philbo and the rest of them, it kind of came flooding back to me.

They whinged about how nothing has changed, how they aren't getting support, how plenty of people are leaving, how there are a few redundancies because there are no sales being made, because there is lack of respect for my former unit etc etc. They whinged and whinged at me. And then when they asked me about my new job, all the things I had to say were positive and I could see the envy in their eyes and I knew then, that I had made the right decision and I felt their envy big time. And all the things they were whinging about, I was experiencing the opposite in my new role. For instance, they were whinging about the company not spending money on certain things and of course, my current company is quite happy to spend money on its employees and to ensure we get our jobs done. So, I travel to our other offices and I will be doing this frequently and the company has no issue with it. It's jsut part of us getting our job done. Another issue was a lack of support that Philbo and the cow had from their ultimate boss. My new boss is fabulous. She is a dynamo. She manages to get everything done and maintain professionalism. I have so much respect for her.

So, i left that lunch on Wednesday realising that I had indeed made the right decision, and that I will enjoy my new role more because of it. And so, since Wednesday, I have really felt more comfortable. And I've noticed people have been more friendly, or I have been more receptive to it? I've been asked out to lunch by one of the girls who works there in the IT kind of area. We hit it off pretty quickly, when one day, as we were walking out of work, she made a comment about how people weren't very friendly and I agreed. And now, we are friends. She is 35, so is a similar age and seems to think very similar to myself.

So, I guess I'm finally feeling more settled with my job. It's a good feeling.

Also, caught up with Ruth today. That was awesome, as I haven't seen her in such a long time!!! We fell back into step so quickly, it was amazing. And I couldnt get over how settled she was, how happy she was - couldn't have anything to do with the fact that she has found the love of her life and is about to move to my city! Glen jokes that I am importing all my friends - first Margie, now Ruth and then maybe Di??? We can only hope about the last one. So, finally my friends are seeing the light and coming to the best town in Australia. Most of you know where I live - it's Melbourne of course.

Anyways, that's been my week, it has been good! Monday morning, I'm flying out to Canberra for the night. Of course, work related, but I have to say that staying at a well known 4-5 star hotel with my very own Queen sized bed is quite enticing! The week afer I will have to go back for most of the week, I'll miss Glen a lot more than just overnight, but I'll survive. This also means that I will be silent for a few days. When I return on Tuesday evening, I shall be collapsing and then Wednesday, Glen and I are heading over to Rod Laver Arena to watch some tennis! Woohoo! I'm a bit of a tennis freak, so a $15 ground pass rocks. I'm hoping to see Martina Navratilova!! My childhood hero!

I'm a bit tired tonight and I have another headache, so making it short and sweet. I got my first phoen call today about the car. Fingers crossed, though the guy probably felt I was being too difficult - he wanted to see the car there and then. He had no concept that I was working and that I couldnt just leave work to show him a car. He was more miffed by the fact that I wasn't abolut to let him come to my home and view it. I don't feel comfortable with people knowing where the car is, so they can swing by any time they like. So, maybe he'll call tomorrow like he said, maybe he won't.

Secondly, this morning I was in the toilets at work. As you do. I washed my hands and looked at the paper towel dispenser. There was a piece of paper towel poking out one of the grooves and I thought to myself, "I bet I get stuck trying to pull that piece of paper towel out to dry my hands." I went back to work and later that afternoon, sure enough, I was stuck trying to rip the goddam piece of paper towel from the dispenser. What dumb farkin' luck!

Thirdly, I had lunch yesterday with my old boss and a whole host of old colleagues. I'll write more about it tomorrow evening or over the weekend, but nothing has changed there and well, I remembered why I left. Anyawys, more tomorrow.

Off to bed with me...

Glen and I rented The Village over the weekend. I was hoping for somewhat of a huge twist. You know, M. Night Shyamalin, the king of twists etc? Yeh well, I think we both had it pegged before it even started. You see, you start to think about what you expect from the movie, and then you think of the conclusion and wham, you basically guess it. I was not at all surprised and thankful I did not pay $15 to see it at the cinema.

Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie in general, it was interesting to see it evolve, there were some minute surprises etc. I quite liked Ron Howard's daughter, I forget her name. She did a pretty good job and I was glad she was basically the lead. I would have liked to have seen more of Joacquin Phoenix, but you live with the cards you are dealt. Mmm, mmm! Yummy yummy.

Anyways, I'd be interested to hear others' opinions of this movie. I doubt I'd see it again, but I do have it here, if I ever feel the urge...

Ahhh, a Tori Amos song...Pretty Good Year. I remember Tori Amos from uni, thanks to Ruth who let me copy her CDs - yeh, copy as in copy to tape!

Anyways, Glen and I sat and talked over the weekend and decided one thing - it was going to be a pretty good year for us. We test drove the CRV and decided it rocked. The Subaru didn't even get a look in. We looked at it, but didn't bother to test drive it. It just didn't suit us. So, we worked out our budget. We decided we could get our car loans in more of a tidier state by about May. So come May, we'll be getting our lovely car and hopefully have got rid of our cars.

It's also going to be a pretty good year because we worked out that with our budget, we'll have enough money for a house deposit by about September. This is a bit scary. Not bad scary!

In other news. Karlene and Aari are coming down this weekend coming for a little visit, as is Ruth! I'm stoked, but a little bummed that because both will be around at the same time, so I won't be able to see them both for long periods of time. Doesn't matter. It's all good.

BTW, thank you to all those people who gave me advice. A sum total of ZERO people volunteered themselves. Appreciate your support :P Humbug!

In other news today, I began my new years resolution. I saw a massage therapist today to try to loosen the contracted muscles in my legs. For the majority of my life, I've had what has now been diagnosed as 'Muscle compartment Syndrome'. It's when the fissure tissue which surrounds the muscles won't expand when you contract your muscles. So, when I walk, it gets tight in my legs and I get this burning sensation which makes it very hard to walk. It can be dangerous. So, hence my leg muscles are quite hard. This would be good if I worked out a lot, but they are sore and when i get massages, it feels like the massage therapist is grounding my bone into dusk, when in fact, it is my hard muscles! Anyways, I had my first massage. Vince, my massage therapist did cupping on my legs and it was murderous. It hurt so much!! On wednesday, I'm apparently being exposed to the wonders of dry needling. I guess it's like accupuncture! Anyways, hopefully I'll be able to walk long distances at a reasonable speed without strangling my muscles and experiencing the burning sensation. I've had my condition all of my life. I never realised it wasn't normal until last year.

One more thing. Fe*rnwood Women's Gym are a bunch of bastards. I cancelled my membership, which is to finish the end of this month. I was told to send my cancellation beginning of January, which I did. And now they are charging me a cancellation fee! I'm calling those bastards tomorrow.

All you Aussies out there, give me your opinions and/or experience with these two cars!

I'm beside myself wondering which car is the best to purchase. They are being considered for a number of reasons. One is because they are affordable to us and the other is because they are all-wheel drive, or whatever you call them. But generally, I need to know the good and the bad. We've already spoken to someone who owns an older CRV, and I have some knowledge of the Suburu, but not the Forester. My knowledge stems from a friend's suburu wagon thing. It was an old, rattly thing. It was probably like the Subaru Outback - but it was basically like a wagon. I'm sure you know the ones I am speaking of.

Anyways, please speak up and give me your advice. We're going out tomorrow to test drive the CRV and I dare say that we'll probably have to look at the Forester too.

I used to work in the building which faces directly out the front of this chaos. I am so disappointed! How come i had to leave my job before this happened? Can't you tell I'm starved from some drama in my life! However, I was part of the action. i got to go home from work early today and on the way, I drove past this street and looked to see the vehicle on its roof. I wondered. I pondered. I kept going. I'm so damned bummed I didn't get to see it!!!

Ok, this is just ridiculous. Honestly. Am I the only one to find this really stupid? Ok, I am all for being politically correct, you know, not calling people 'old', or 'demented' because they have dementia. But, this teddy bear thing is just too much. Am I being too black and white about this?

Stand in a tightly-knit circle around the entrance to the elevator, therefore getting in my way as I'm trying to exit said elevator. Watch how fast I get the shits and barrel you over if you occupy said tightly-knit circle of eager beavers. Eager beavers who, for some ungodly reason want to get into the elevator first and therefore get back to their desk that much faster.

First thing - Glen and I finally logged ours cars on the internet last night. A place which sells cars etc. Both of our cars are online - well, they will be today once they approve our details etc. So, please cross your fingers that we sell them here, as trading them in will see us lose money on our current loans. If we can sell atleast one, or even better, Glen's car, then I'll feel better. We're giving it until the end of February, so I am hoping they go before then.

Second thing - no pressure and no threats, but Di [I'm too lazy to link, see to the right --->] and I are wondering this..........WHO THE HECK IS READING US FROM CENTRAL AUSTRALIA? There's an awful big blob on my world map right in the middle of Australia and you know, I'm just curious. So, a big shout out goes to the dedicated person who seems to regularly reads our diaries. Give us an email or send through a comment! :) We don't bite!

This is my weekend in a few lines. We spent a sum total of about 6 hours driving to and from the outlaws place. We got to see little Aari. he's running aorund now, though terribly adorable when there is the slightest step in front of him - he stoops down, puts his hands down and walks with his 'four legs' over the obstacle and then gets back up again and keeps walking. Glen got a nifty air compressor thing for his christmas present. I say nifty because he assures me it is. He tells me that I wont have to go to the service station anymore to pump my car or bike tyres up. I say this is good, but very overrated for a large piece of equipment which is now eating up more of the precious space in our place that we don't have! I got various things which are too hard to mention.

Today, I was allowed to sleep in - thank you Glen! We got up, had a leisurely morning and then decided "wouldn't it be nice to look at cars?!". Ok, so there is something I haven't told you, but we're going to sell both of our cars and buy this. This is quite a lovely car. We decided a while ago that since we're going to be going into debt for a house, probably the end of the year, we should get a vehicle together which was far newer than ours. There's also the fact that we pay two lots of registration, two lots of bank fees on the loans and two lots of insurance. It's ridiculous really!!

So, this afternoon we washed my car and I have just finished cleaning its interior and blackening the tyres - because you know, black tyres will get me an extra 20c! *laugh* The black tyres look very spiff. I mean, superficially and all. But you know! Try it!

Hrm. I know earlier today, as I was perched upon the porcelain throne at work, I had something to say. I recall it was noteworthy and probably would have been slightly entertaining to read. Anyways, it's gone now and I'm having a temporary brain fart.

We're heading off to the outlaws, err inlaws I mean on Saturday morning. I'm terribly thrilled about this. This is only because I'd like to have a weekend to myself to sleep in and relax. It's a pain to drag my ass from one lot of parents to another.

I guess that leads me to my next comment. I have been tired this week. Admittedly, I probably haven't gone to bed early enough, but it's been very hard to wake up! And someone at work had the hide to tell me this morning she had a restful night's sleep and btw Sam, you look tired! Argh! How rude.

Still watching the tsunami events. Good to see we're donating so much money to the cause. I'm really heartened by that. Those people need it so much. It's dreadful.

A big hello to those people who came out of their internet closet and either emailed or left a comment on here for me. Good onya! The rest of ya - cheeeeeckens! Bbbbbrrrrrrrrrk! brrrrk brrrk!

Now I take my carcass upstairs to slumber like a grisly bear. NIghty nighty peeeps. :)

Today, I had reason to be ashamed of myself. Truly disappointing. I decided to head out for a walk at lunch, to get some fresh air and buy stamps - yes, I know, thrilling.

I trudged along and saw, out of the corner of my eye, what or who appeared to be a homeless lady begging for money. I am ashamed to admit that since I have been in M*elbourne, I have become desensitised to some of the beggers out on the street who harass people for money, while unashamedly wandering around with a mobile phone, cigarettes or some other luxury which I classify less important than "money for food". So, I walked briskly past her and kept going. I bought my stamps and walked back to work, using the same path. I looked up and saw the homeless woman foraging through the bin for food. Thereafter, I saw another lady in a suit offer a freshly bought salad roll to the homeless lady, who nearly launched herself at the corporate lady, trying to hug her. I was really thrown by this lady's compassion for someone I dismissed. Anyways, as I got to the road crossing, the corporate lady was standing there. I turned back to see where the homeless lady had got to and realised she was offering half of her roll to a friend who looked equally as hungry. The corporate lady looked at me and I smiled and said, "She's gone down that way", gesturing toward the homeless lady. The corporate lady said, "She always offers half of her food to her friend. God knows why, she's thin enough, she really should eat all of it. She's always wandering around here, poor love." I instantly felt like the biggest heel you could find.

I guess sometimes you have to give the benefit of the doubt. I mean, if I hadn't have spoken to the corporate lady, I would not have discovered how genuine the homeless lady was. Obviously now I'm going to keep an eye out for the homeless lady.

That was my reality today. Forget my pride in walking again at lunch today. Forget that I found a corporate gym in my building which charges half the price of the gym I am currently enrolled in. Forget that I have a headache and am sitting at home now, snug and warm and waiting for my Thai food which we ordered via phone for delivery. Forget it all. That reality and the tsunami really humble people like me.

Alright. I'm intrigued. The person in central Australia who is reading my diary, please come forward! I'm intrigued!! Email me! Leave me a comment! I'm intrigued about every one of you who reads my diary - the person in Hawaii, the people over in Europe and especially those in the Indonesian area. Please! Speak up! Make a cranky woman, who is returning to work today, happy! Dammit!! I must now brush mine teeth and drag my ass to work. Hrmph!

App*le is getting rich from me. I decided yesterday to purchase a wireless fm transmitter for my Ip*od, so I can play my music on the Ip*od via my car radio. Then I decided it needed a car charger for it - in leui of our impending trip to BumFuckNoWhere - glen's parents this weekend - just for the day!

LEt me just say - you can buy 6 different items which do the same thing for your Ip*od - it's very easy to get confuwsed about which can do the better job. They are making a killing in this market. I have become a slave to consumerism. I have become a slave to the Ip*od industry.

I also met Jack Black at Sydney airport. Ok, so we didn't meet him. I have this thing about not approaching celebrities, as I think I would be embarassed to interrupt them. I feel sorry for them because they are always been annoyed by people. However, Jack Black didn't seem annoyed at all. Contrary actually. He seemed rather pleased to be conversing with fans while he waited for his flight to Melbourne. He shared our plane. We walked straight past him. He is a legend.

My little story about spotting him - Glen and I were sitting at a table, eating our lunch. I looked up and saw this scruffy looking guy who had this look about him - the look you know you should let yourself look at him a little longer because you just know you have seen him before. I said to Glen, LOOK! Behind you, It's Jack Black. guess who didn't believe me? Yeh, I have a tendency of pulling people's legs and making jokes about seeing Jack Black - NOT! Anyways, he finally believed me and I was vindicated.

I played Tenacious D on my Ipod on the plane ride home and again saw him at the airport. I was too interested in telling Po, my friend who picked us up about how Jack Black was on our plane, to even go into detail about telling her about our holidays. Go figure.

Here is how it went. Sorry for the point form, but right now, I have the attention span of a you-know-what...

We buried Bella

I planted a lovely little bush over her

I realised how much I have missed my mother

I also realised how much my mother has changed

I then realised how the mother I miss doesn't exist anymore

I'm ok with that, but I still miss my "old" mother

I got jewellery for Christmas from my mother

I got a Mini Ipod from Glen

I also got a nifty electric oil burner from Glen, so I could stop upsetting him with the water I use for my oil burner, which sits above the TV and all other electrical equipment!

I got oil to burn from Po

I got a lovely plush teddy from my mother - a bit of a tradition

When I got to BFN, I received a present from Di - a cute little Teddy keychain - she has the other half - it's like it used to be when we were in high school - could it be?

We paid some of my mother's bills without her knowing - she's going to kill me when she realises

Over 120,000 people lost their lives in the Tsunami

This consumed me for a good 4 days

It still upsets me

We're going to donate money

I miss my mother

I missed my bed

I missed my kittens

I discovered how much I hate turbulence

I didn't take many photos

I didn't think there were many places to take pics of

I took photos of puppy dogs - I shall publish later

I ate too much ham and drank too much coke

I shall now end my boring list. Sorry for the lack of imagination in describing things, but right now, I can't sit still long enough, yet sit long enough to describe everything. However, suffice to say, we had a pretty ok time.