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Friday, May 11, 2001 |
Well, I went to Chuck and Bre's wedding last night and it was okay. It's not that they had a bad wedding. They had a beautiful wedding and the reception was nice and the food was great (particularly the fruit punch which I couldn't get enough of).
I don't know. Weddings just depress me because, I feel old. I'm 26 and I don't have a girlfriend and I'm by myself and now my sister is discussing marriage with her boyfriend and she's 23. I'm about to turn 27 in July, actually, so I'm feeling like the big 3-0 is right around the corner and here I am, by myself. I don't know. I sound like a single woman, don't I? My biological clock is ticking away. Nearly all my friends are in serious relationships and/or have children. Am I depressing you with this stuff about my life? Sorry. I can't help it. I feel okay right now. Don't worry about me. In other news, the new job is going well well well. I feel like this first week has crawled by (partly because I keep going to work at Dominos in the evening) but soon that will all be behind me. I'm off now to load some more software into my new computer and download this activeworlds thing Mildred keeps telling me about. Remember Mildred? The other guy who was writing to this weblog? He's become a complete slacker here so maybe you folks should send some stern reprimands his way for not updating his end of this at all. Do so at cameron@nome.net and tell him E_B_A sent ya! |
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Thursday, May 10, 2001 |
the law of the playground
Ever needed a specific insult for someone based on their name, quirky behaviour, or odd appearance? Ever needed something really specific!? I mean, specific to the point that maybe only two or three other people in the entire universe could be applicable for your insult? And do you have a preference for including the word "anus" or things that have to do with the anus in your insult? This site is for you. Somehow, it's strangely British and also strangely obsessed with anuses (or is it "ani?" I better consult my dictionary). Some of the antics listed here are things I have heard of such as "Egging: Make a fist on someone's head, tap it down with your other hand, and slowly drag both hands down the scalp. This experience is exactly the same as having an egg gently tapped on your head, as those of us from loving egg-tapping families will know." However, others such as the anus-oriented (and who isn't anus-oriented these days?) one right below it, "Eggy Banner: As in 'who just waved an eggy banner?' A fart," seem to originate from outer space by people who's comprehension of the English Language is rather skewed. At any rate, there's too much good stuff here to just quote and I didn't have the time to read it all. Check out the page. Grab a few insults. And don't forget the anus. Thank you. |
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Monday, May 7, 2001 |
Well, the new job is going better than I expected and I hope to be rid of my finanacial ruin by the middle of next month. I have, of course, planned some sort of horrible accident that will drain me of finance and prevent me from working so stay tuned. It's sure to be a blast. | ||
Wednesday, May 2, 2001 |
I'm instituting some policy changes around here that may affect you so pay attention...
1) If an attractive girl wears a shirt that is skimpy, tight, low-cut, and just plain all-around revealing, I will stare directly at her breasts and will give her no eye contact whatsoever. |
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Monday, April 30, 2001 |
Well, the bad news is that I still haven't gotten my new computer.
But the good news? I got a new job! Yeah! The company is Signs of Augusta and I'll be their main artist! Rock on! |
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Wednesday, April 25, 2001 |
Wow wow wow wow...
I'm getting a newer, better computer sometime this week (I hope). In other news, let me tell you guys, I am assembling this cool-axe art project with some pretty awesome people. I'll keep you posted. I'm also getting more done on The Super Coups website and as soon as the domain is active, I'll put up a link. |
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Monday, April 23, 2001 |
Well, I'm beginning to kick the Streph but I have this bad hacking cough that makes me wanna die sometimes.
Anyway, I rented Starship Troopers because, despite what everyone told me, I still wanted to see it. I mean, teens fighting giant bugs? What a Freudian commentary on American society! So I rented it (I only paid a dollar) and watched it all the way through and... ...well... ...uh... Starship Troopers is a stupid, stupid movie. Even as far as cut-rate, stupid, pointless slop that just serves as cheap entertainment goes, it's a stupid film. I don't care how cool the bugs look or the suits or the idea might seem to you. I'd feel cheated if I didn't pay for this. I'd feel cheated if someone gave me money to watch this. I'd rather have dental surgery. I'd rather have my ears and eyelids ripped off slowly by a Panamanian circus midget. I'd, well... maybe I'm going a bit overboard now but you get the idea. This movie is a total piece of crap. I mean, some films, you can suspend all belief in the realism of them because, hey, they entertain. But this film is so rotten, so unconvincing, so wretched, you can't even believe it was ever produced. The number of coincidences, bad performances, unbelievable and unrealistic things that happen, silly lines, bad acting, and unecessary elements that only serve to pad this turd to over two hours is just astounding in its girth. The thing is, I've already said way more than this film deserves. Stop reading now and go rent something good. For a change. |
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Friday, April 20, 2001 |
Okay...
So I have to take my Penacillin at 4 am every night and my radio is set to our local talk radio station and so when it goes off it's the middle of the Art Bell show and here I am, sleeping peacefully, when suddenly this loud voice is saying "...yes, but she claims she had sex with these aliens. Part of their experiments on the space ship were very sexual in nature and..." when I cut off the radio and stand there for a second, half-awake, trying to understand what I just heard coming out of my radio. I took my medication and went back to sleep. |
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Friday, April 20, 2001 |
Sorry. I know it's been a while since I've written anything here. I've been laboring under the illness of Streph Throat which I acquired on Easter Sunday (thereby ruining my desire to consume mass quanities of Cadbury Eggs thus increasing my protective layer of body fat tenfold). I'm feeling somewhat better but I swing between bouts of neausea coupled with hunger (figure that out) and periods of harsh coughing where I hack like a five pack a day smoker and squint while trying not to imagine what lovely mucousy surprises I have now deposited in my mouth (sorry if I'm grossing you out) (wait, no I'm not). I began to truly recover last night when I actually slept from 11:00 pm to 4:00 am when my alarm went off informing me it was time to take my Penicillin which comes in these little grey pills that make me want to gag every time I take one. Furthermore, I'm suffering from a nasty onset of near-vomiting by my medicinal combinations and the resulting stew that developes inside me after injestion.
True story: Last night I had this dream that I was on an airplane and everyone was eating and I kept feeling like I had to puke and all I could figure out as far as a cause goes was that some vanilla-scented sickly-sweet aroma and taste was overpowering me. Eventually I started wandering around the plane, crazed and frightening the passengers until I finally realized the source was this wierd blue fluid everyone was drinking. I awoke and rushed into the bathroom ready to hurl (I do apologize for my peurile vocabulary in reference to regurgitation) when I settled down. But the taste in my mouth and the smell in the air from my dream was still there. Eventually, I realized it was a combination of pencillin pills, halls cough drops, a shot of Cloraseptic, and some Cherry NyQuil. Somehow, this mingled in my belly and began to emit terrible smell vapors (I'm not talking gas here, but cartoon smell vapors you could see. You know, little wavy lines in the air) and that had caused the taste in my mouth which transferred to my dream and... am I boring you? Disgusting you? I'm raving now because that's what always happens when I get sick and OD on cold medications. Suffice it to say that I will not make the same mistake tonight. But now I'm about to go consume some Cadbury Eggs. Bon Appetit! |
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Wednesday, April 11, 2001 |
http://www.richmondcomarshal.com
Apparently somebody in the Richmond County Marshall's office took a crappy web design class. This is the webpage I mentioned yesterday and I didn't know the exact address of. It's main purpose seems to be providing a place to report litterbugs (really). So if you're in Richmond County and you spot a litterbug, be sure to report it to this website. In other news I am broke. I mean, that's not really news, but it's been reaffirmed for me after filing taxes. I owe $372 of my money to the Federal Government so they can spend it on important things like art depicting Jesus as a naked black woman. My morale is soaring to a new low as I wonder how I'm going to raise that plus the $500 I owe my insurance company so I can get my car back. I know I'll have it soon but not soon enough, if you ask me. No one will give me a loan either, basically because I don't have any money which is kind of like a doctor telling his patient he would give them medicine if they weren't sick. Not that I'm bitter. |
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Tuesday, April 10, 2001 |
Man. It's been a long time since I updated and there's a reason. It's also the reason this will be a long-axe update (although I'll save some for tomorrow).
It's like this. My car is still in the shop and since I'm unable to go home, I can't read my e-mail. Furthermore, my father or my sister, while carelessly logging onto to The Medical College of Georgia's website, somehow created a flaw in Internet Explorer that causes it to only load that site. Really. It's wierd. You type in an address. Any address. It claims it's looking for it. The Location Bar clearly has your address in it. And then up comes an MCG error page telling you the page you requested cannot be found. Freakin' wierd. As a result of that, I have been unable to properly update without some Netscape tweaking (Netscape doesn't like that code Pitas uses for the date and time). But that's been fixed now. However, someone (once again, either my father or sister) installed an alternate version of Netscape without Composer so I have no way to work on webpages either unless I want to write code (I don't). So hopefully I'll be able to go home soon and grab the version I have on disk and install it and all will be right with the world again. Now that I've bored you to tears with my painfully dumb excuses, let me share with you some interesting things... I saw a police car recently that had a webpage address on the back of it in official Police-Car looking letters. I can't remember the address but it was something like "www.georgiadeputy.com" or something of that nature. I can just picture the criminals now as they are hoisted into the car, and they are thinking to themselves how as soon as they get in jail, they will log onto the Library Computer and learn all about the officers that have arrested them. Or that may even be the homepage on the computer in the Library. Who knows? It's a strange world. In unrelated news, Masters Week is now behind us and I can again go to work and not be bothered with hideously boring Masters coverage on the TV there. My co-workers have set up a large television over the Coke fridge (or whatever you want to call a refrigeration unit that stores Coca-Cola) and they seem dedicated to watching the most uninspired and intellectually vapid programming available. Forget the biting commentary and debate of Hannity and Combs. WCW is on! (And when you think about it, isn't WCW really just Hannity and Combs dumbed down for the stupid people?) Now I'm certain I've managed to piss off the professional wrestling fans who might be reading this so allow me to say that, in all honesty, wrestling is truly a majestic and skilled feat of balance, coordination, timing, strength, endurance, and speed. Professional wrestling on the other hand is stupid, pointless, fake, silly, and tends to attract an audience with the IQ of a half-empty tube of Crest toothpaste. I hope that clears things up. Thank you. |
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Friday, March 30, 2001 |
Hey, I was looking for a picture of a Jackie Chan kid's toy that has a figurine that looks just like The Fly... you know, Bono a la Achtung Baby... so I went to Google and typed in "fly bono glasses jackie chan" to see if anyone else had noticed the fact and Ichiban and Crunk came up. I thought that was pretty weird, but I suppose there isn't many other webpages who would have already mentioned Jackie Chan and Bono on the same page. | ||
Thursday, March 29, 2001 |
Dag.
I hit a truck last night and messed up the front corner of my car so bad it cracked the battery. They were okay and no one was hurt. Still, I'm gonna hafta shell out $500 on my insurance deductable (no doubt raising my rates too) and wait a week or more for it to be fixed. And since the accident was my fault, I won't get a rental car for free. It was not some stupid "not paying attention" type of accident. I was glancing over to one lane to merge into traffic and the car in front of me stopped and I hit it. This is the last thing I need happen to me during a time of massive debt due to unemployment. Still, as Aceyalone says, "I'm healthy. I'm alive. I can't complain." Anyway, I stayed with my parents last night and had a long talk with Tyler which went something like this: "Did you know your Mommy had this pillow when she was a baby?" Gosh that kid is cute. |
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Monday, March 26, 2001 |
I finally saw Bjork's Dancer in the Dark and was quite impressed although I have to admit it's the saddest, most depressing, tear-jerking sobfest of a film I may have ever seen in my life. It's such a downer. I think I'll slit my wrists right now.
Okay. I'm not going to slit my wrists but... still... Here's a thought. Why hasn't anyone designed a car like an iMac yet? You know, ever since the iMac was released to the public with its space-age see-thru shell and designer colors, lots of companies have marketed similar devices. You see it everywhere! Calculators! Pagers! Cell Phones! Disks! CD Jewel Cases! Oh. Wait. They were already transparent. Still, the cool look has infiltrated everything. So why not cars!? It's be cool to buy a dark blue-tinted car that was transparent. You could instantly tell without lifting the hood if something was wrong! Someone should give me a grant just for coming up with this idea. Yeah. |
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Saturday, March 24, 2001 |
I know. I know.
It's been a long time since I last updated. I suck. It's all me. Well, that's not entirely true. Mildred hasn't been here lately either. In fact, he's gotten deliquent. At least my other weblog, uglyfatkid, gets updated nearly every day. His other weblog, bigbrother, his personal webpage, popamericana, and his other website, bananadine, all have gone for a long time without updates. So chastise him at cameron@nome.net and, since I've been slack too, chastise me at e_b_a@violentnation.com and make us both feel bad for neglecting our updates. Okay. That said, I should point out that I'm also really slack for neglecting to mention that my camera problems weren't solved after all and I had to get a regular film camera instead of a digital one. That sucks. It just plain sucks. But after I get a better computer, I'll get a pretty good one. A professional one. One that, when I drop it, will give me intense psychological pain and emotional scars. I also got an e-mail this week about becoming a Catholic Minister for only $29.95. I'm keeping it on file in case I decide to switch careers from Graphic Artist to Religeous Potentate (this is what happened to Andy Warhol). That is all for now but I promise to start updating more frequently. |
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Wednesday, March 14, 2001 |
Well, I finally got a job, although it's not in the field of graphic arts (I refuse to demean myself by working for the Augusta Chronicle, yet another William Morris vehicle renowned for mistreating its employees and owned by a vile and wicked man). I will return to delivering pizzas, this time, for Dominos. Yeehaw. I'm brimming with excitement. Yay. Can you tell?
Actually, I'm very relieved that I will be receiving some form of income and I'm familiar with this job and am quite good at it so there you go. And I'll still be doing webpages in my spare time. So fire it up. |
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Sunday, March 11, 2001 |
Yesterday I went through an important rite of passage which nearly all bachelors must go through. But first, a word about tax cuts:
Are there that many American citizens who are up in arms over tax cuts? I mean, when's the last time you heard anyone saying "I wish the government would take more money out of my paycheck and squander it on ineffective and possibly counteractive social programs that I don't agree with it, art I don't support nor will ever see in person, police who's main goal is to prevent me from getting high, and a military that is currently so desperate for volunteers that it will hire drooling middle school students who can barely spell thier own names! Please! Take huge bushels, an accumulated 33% of my income, from my hands before I can ever see it and then provide me with a yearly hassle to even get it back or, hey, pay more every April!" Yes. When have you heard this? Who are these people? Can we just have them pay taxes for the rest of us!? See, what is really happening is people are requesting taxes be raised for everyone but them. Well, since nearly every tax increase is run through congress and congress consists mainly of white, male, rich lawyer types who are paid obscene amounts of money by Lobbyists for major corporations, you can guess who is not going to get a tax increase and since the poor don't have money (sorry if I sound cold-hearted here but come on, saying the poor don't have money is like saying Smurfs are blue - it's kind of obvious and self-defining). That leaves the working, living, bleeding, sweating middle class which is the way it has always been and probably the way it will always be. So get real. If you're upset because some social program you favor will be harmed by the tax cut, then take the money that would have been taken out of your paycheck and send it to the organization directly! I'm certain they'll accept it! And guess what! There's no paperwork or middleman involved on the government side to botch things up and add on all sorts of handling fees and so forth (like it costs nothing for the government to give money away!? GET REAL! They have to pay someone to finance it, make the transaction, approve the check, cut the check, and all that stuff!). That is, if you really believe in your cause. Of course, others won't be giving to those causes against their will, but why should they? Because you think they should? What kind of free republic is that!? Besides, won't those same people, once they secure employment, live better if more of their money is theirs to keep (which is part of the problem- like I said- they are the taxpayers who will pay for the increase). Quite frankly, I see this as simple economics and common sense. But then, I believe we should dump the entire tax system and put all those worthless bastards out of jobs so maybe you shouldn't listen to a dang thing I say. So, like I said, I went through an important bachelor rite of passage yesterday. The chain on my toilet that connects the handle to the little rubber drainage thingy snapped free and rendered the entire system inoperable. I frantically searched the house for something to reconnect the severed line: paperclip, wire, duct tape, twigs, will power, etc. Nothing was found. It was then that I snatched my car keys, ready to strip the vehicle for parts when I realized I had the answer in my hands. I carefully fastened to the handle and chain one of my old keyrings which was no longer in use. It was at that moment, my hand submerged in water that, although wholly uncontaminated by bodily waste of any kind, was still irreversibly scribed on my mental list of places you really would never want to put your hand, yes it was at that moment that I, the toilet, and the universe became one and all was clear to me. My ctharsis was pure and holy and mere words fail to describe the sheer beauty of the moment. So here's a haiku about it: Enlightenment falls on me. This water is cold. I think there is something important there for us all. Now go forth my little lotus flowers and learn from my experience. |
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Thursday, March 8, 2001 |
Interesting things...
Rush Limbaugh decided to air his ignorance (who's surprised!?) about Napster lately by claiming that, typical, Napster robbed artists of their money and therefore was wrong. Well well well. I'd like to point out that it is in fact RECORD LABELS who rob artists of their profits and that the average Napster user actually GIVES MORE to the artist than most inasmuch as they go to the concerts where the artists make most of their money. They also probably purchase the posters, promo materials, and so forth. The artist makes, on average, 3% of the record sales while the label squanders the other 97% on heroin and cheap floozies, but that's another can of worms. In other news, as I was driving down Riverwatch Parkway the other day, I passed a train going the opposite direction (and the people in that lane were mad too) and spray-painted on the side of one of the cars was "VOTE DEMOCRATE" which gave me quite a chuckle. Certainly gives me a decent image of the mental compentancy of the people who prevade the party (hey- lighten up- I'm not a Republican - I'm a Libertarian - Libertarians are type-cast as being TOO smart). Oh yeah. Interestingly enough, this most recent school shooting has been attributed to news reports of the OTHER most recent school shooting by Andy Williams (who is a fine folk singer in his own right). In other words, because these kids learned about the school shooting by watching the news, they did one of their own. That certainly shakes up the whole "media causes violence" rhetoric now doesn't it!? Should make for quite an interesting analysis on CNN: "Apparently the media does in fact cause violence. It's our fault! We close our doors tomorrow and will not reopen until the world is safe again." You know what bugs me about this whole "Blame the Media" cop-out? It weakens the very thing these people need to be promoting! Responsibility! I say, drag the kids on television in prison uniforms and have them publically state how miserable they are and how sorry they are for doing what they did! Put a human face on it! Show photos of the slain and injured children while a recording of the mother and/or father sobs uncontrollably. Make people THINK about the results of thier actions! Don't point the finger at Eminem or Marilyn Manson or Tupac or Oliver Stone! All that does is take the responsibility AWAY from the person who committed the crime! It says, "Hey! We know you did and it's not your fault!" I mean, this sends a clear message to people that, if they commit some sort of crime, all they have to do is admit to having partaken some form of controversial entertainment and suddenly, they are off the hook! The book burners will crusade to put an end to that evil media person! And why not!? Marilyn Manson has been driving around the nation handing loaded guns out at school playgrounds and instructing the children to aim for the upper body, right! HASN'T HE! BETTER SAY "YES," DANGIT! Heck! It's only a matter of time before the artists cut out the middleman and start going to the schools themselves to do the shooting! Yeah. Better blame the media some more. After all, it's worked so well thus far, what with the media producing less and less violent/sexual content every year and the number of violent acts declining remarkably. Right!? RIGHT!? BETTER SAY "YES," DANGIT! |
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Tuesday, March 6, 2001 |
DEATH TO NEDSTAT!
They broke the cardinal rule of cool, free service! I could handle their neatly integrated ad banners, but they had to go and put an annoying fly-up window that- get this -automatically re-opens on my computer after I close it (I say my computer to specify because these codes may work differently on your computer). So I've decided to search for another counter service which I will apply to all of the applicable places (rapeface, here, apex zero, etc.). It bugs me that they would go and do this. Don't these free companies ever learn? The net will put up with unmitigated banner ads, but not cheesy watermarks, fly-ups, pop-ups or extraneous windows! So Nedstat just lost a ton of exposure, support, and dap from me (and Sir Mildred too, I hope). In other news, I pretty much have solidified the contract for designing a webpage for the Augusta Care Pregnancy Center, a pro-life organization. Updates will point to that work, complete or otherwise. I'm also negotiating web work for two and possibly four upcoming clients so who knows? This web thing may turn out to be a pretty big part of my life. Oh yeah. And as if that's not enough, I may also get a job at Dominos next week so I'll no longer be living on the government dole (which is actually an enormous relief). Of course, I'll keep both of our strident readers posted as things develope. And I'll try to get back into commentary mode where I make snide remarks about social events and odd webpages. I promise. |
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Saturday, March 3, 2001 |
Hey all.
Yes. I am still very sick. My left ear is sealed tight like a vice. Anyway, I've gone ahead and given the weblog this spiffy blue color scheme to match the new scheme of rule4080.com. Just click on the little arrow icon I added, enter the site, and you can continue reading the weblog in style (unless you already are, in which case, read on, buddy!). Oh yeah. I got my camera problems taken care of so there you go. |
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