Wednesday, April 23, 2003
*BGM : You're Still You ~ Josh Groban
Ah, Josh Groban. Long time no listen. Great songs, great voice, great guy, what more can you ask? You know what, don't answer that.
So, I'm having a girls night with Dita who just got back from the Phils. Armed with Pizzas, mixed nuts and sparkling grape we talked. Well, she wallowed about lost opportunities *gets smacked by Dita* while I listened. Ah, that's what happened when 2 people like each other but hides it from each other. But I understand, long distance relationships, they bring doubts. Used to be a non-believer myself until a few days ago. Well, Dita is asleep right now, while I'm still awake and chatting *smirks*. Yeah, I'm just a freak that way.
I don't know what else to say. Oh yeah, I'm somehow getting teased alot these days. People, please. I am not cute nor sweet. I don't get how you perceive me that way. I mean, I'm not an Ice Queen, but I'm not a Sammy Bear or that Forever Friends bear either. *sighs* Don't know what I can do to make you see that.
It came over me in a rush...(Blackstreet).
call my name and save me from the dark @ 04:14 a.m.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
BGM: Angels ~ Robbie Williams
Watched Tusuk Jelangkung for the second time. For an Indonesian horror movie, it was alright. It was like watching a 2,5 hour music video clip. The shots and photography were pretty good,cast and performance tolerable, too bad the storyline didn't flow. But all in all, it was an improvement from the first one. Hehe, but when I was watching this, it was like watching Fellowship of the Ring... or should I say, Fellowship of the Jelangkung? Not bad, Rexinema, not bad. And ooh, subtext, hehe. Between the two hiker guys and the two girls. Hehe, go see for yourself.
Koi, um, I'll call you soon and tell you about it. Just don't feel comfortable writing it down here. You know why. And please refrain from gunning me down before listening to the whole story? Thanks XP
...And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
When I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
~ Angels - Robbie Williams
call my name and save me from the dark @ 12:50 a.m.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
*BGM : Anywhere ~ Evanescence*
My stupid mouth has got me in trouble, I said too much again.... I'm sorry, that's all I can say. Never meant to hurt you. You know who you are.
Right now I really like Evanescence's Anywhere. I could relate I guess. And ooh, fic worthy *grins*.
Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning's light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning's light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
*sigh* If only it were that simple...
call my name and save me from the dark @ 04:19 a.m.
Friday, April 18, 2003
*BGM : Love Song for No One ~ John Mayer*
Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Heh, I don't have anything to add right now, but mmm...Faith. Hehe,the latest Buffy ep wasn't as bad as I expected. And thank God for the Fuffiness. Spuffy? what spuffy? Yeah, I'm in denial. Fucking shoot me.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 06:21 p.m.
Saturday, April 12, 2003
*BGM : She's Got That Light ~ Orange Blue*
Hey, People! I'm back! *hears groans from various places* Oh, gee, don't be too happy to see me. Why was I MIA for a week? My comp crashed down and had to go to the shoppe. And I've been going back and forth (around five freakin times, but who's counting) to ITC Fatmawati where the shoppe is, coz when it seemed it was okay at the shoppe, problems made itself present at home I seriously began to think my comp was/is posessed. Anyone know an exorcisst specializing in comps? Any Technopagans out there could give me answers? thanks.
Heh, it's been a frustrating week, but I've managed to not slit my wrist or anything. See, my fridge and water dispenser is also screwed. *shakes head* I dunno, it's like they're gangin up on me. It's a conspiracy I tell ya! Yes, inanimate objects can conspire against you *ignores stares*. No, I'm not seeing spots. To quote Rob Thomas : I'm not crazy just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell... I'm not crazy just a little impaired, I know right now you don't care. Yeah, well, I'm tired of having to deal with broken appliances *sighs*. If it were up to me, I'd replace them a long time ago... if I had the cash for it. Heh, forgot about the last part.
Anyway, enough of 'woe-is-me', I should start social blogging again. So here goes:
Ephi, funny story there. Hehe, if only I could get my hands on even a classic Smith&Wesson. But owning a gun comes with great responsibilities. Guess I don't wanna accidently kill someone, even if it is in defending my own
life. Oh, and androgynous female? Hehe, yunno, not your typical 'girly' girl. Btw, you couldn't see my layout last time? Hm, maybe coz the pics are hosted at koi's site.
Mia, I heard about that cellphone-napping of yours. My condolensces (yeah, I know, so very late, sorry). But good thing the guy was only after your phone, not aiming for something bigger. Heh, yeah, I still have some asian values in me... looking at the bright side *rolls eyes*. Hey, are we gonna have another movie outing again? I propose Matrix Reloaded. It's fun watching movies with you guys.
Piper, finally, you updated Wicked and Divine. Yay! I guess my annoying tagging works. Thank God. I was actually considering hopping on a boat to Medan and cross the border and head to KL. So, next update is August... 2004? Hehe, yeah, I understand. Priorities. I should do the same right now. Yeah, I should start working on my thesis again. But I'm still gonna hang on to the love of Fuffy *big grin*. And about rants... that's just me. I'm good at 'woe is me' when I'm on a roll. Issues dating back from childhood according to Freud. Heh. Long story.
And speaking of thesis, yes, Koi, I will go to campus on Monday. Glad you're feeling better. And as hard it is to believe, I miss your antics. Besides, I still own half of your soul *evil grin*. BTW, thanks for telling me about the new mail. Still, I think I need help resetting my outlook express *hangs head in shame*
Veen, when's that new vamp coming out? I meant the revamped Kindred site. Sounds good from what you tell me. Can't wait to see it. And yes, make yourself a blog.
Dush, nice blog there. And about falling asleep on the job, hehe, funny. Just be careful of those vamps, graveyard shift and all. And you've met Veen in RL. Finally. Sheez, for two people who lives in the same city, non-technically, you two seems to have a hard time just meeting eachother.
Kiggs , hope you have fun in Denver. 'See' ya when you get back. Hehe, still giddy? You're the only person I know who has the state of giddiness almost 24/7.
Andrea , I woke up and received your text. No, I won't ask... but it must've been some party. Hm, could it be an 'anti-war' party that Kiggs had sometime ago? Hehe, hope you had a good time and avoided any embarrasing situations *evil grin*.
Random thought, but just wanna mention that I love this particular lyric from Orange Blue's 'She's Got That Light':I need your hand, 'cause you're my home.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 4:01 p.m.
Monday, March 31, 2003
*BGM: Girl That the Bad Guys Want ~ Bowling for Soup*
I thank God for giving me good instincts. I thank God that I did NOT go to campus today. If I did, I can't imagine what would've happened to my house. Just ten minutes ago there were these suspiscious guys hanging around outside my gate. One of em rang the bell, I think they were expecting an empty house or such. I came out, the guy smiled. Okay, I was wondering if he needed directions, or if he's delivering a package or something. He asked if my dad is home. I said no, probably tonight. He said he had an urgent important matter with me Pops. Sure he does. If he did, he'd know that Pops isn't here at the moment. I told him to make an appointment and call my dad, while locking the gate in front of his nose. Rude, aint I? Don't care. My Spidey senses has gone haywire. He asked for my dad's number, holding up his cellphone, said he's gonna call from there. Dude, if you did have business with Pops, you'd have his number. He then asked for water. Huh? Who the hell are you? Sorry, man, got lotsa work to do. Then I just sauntered in, locking the door behind me. I thank God for my Survival Instinct. That guy was practically trying every trick in the book in order for me to let him into the house. Who the fuck am I? Gullible Snow White? Gah. I resent that. For you who thinks I'm jumping to conclusions and acting very rudely to a nice person, then you live in a very sheltered world. That guy was doing the standard MO for robbery. Besides, he had bloodshot eyes and he looked kinda drunk to me. And let's just say I'm a pretty good judge of character, okay? That guy and his friends can go fuck themselves for all I care. God, I'm still taking deep breaths here. And thank God I'm awake. I'm usually asleep at this hour.
See, my irrational fear wasn't so irrational after all. Now I'm thinking of geting a gun. Yeah, haven't been to the shooting range for a while. I should go back. And I should go back relearning those basic martial arts skills. I haven't practiced in years. Need to learn to defend myself from those bad bad people. Yeah, I have some large kitchen knives, but I don't think I can handle actually stabbing someone with it. Don't want to accidently kill a guy, even if it is in self defense. God, I sound like a bad plot in an action movie or tv series.
Anyway, to other Indonesians out there, be careful if a guy approaches your house and does the same thing I mentioned above. He wasn't alone. He has at least one accomplish. They were wearing helmets, usually used for regular motorcycles. They're dressed pretty sharply. They have cellphones. To sum it up, they don't look like your usual thug who would rob your house empty. See, they're attempting to not look suspiscious. Heh, they messed with the wrong person this time, as I'm don't trust strangers...well, people, in general. Don't try to rob a cynic's house, dude, it won't work. Anyways, everyone, be careful of these type of people. As for me, I'm trying to think of plans on how to handle them if they come back again. No, I don't believe that the police would come to my rescue. Well, if anyone have any ideas, feel free to give me a shout.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 02:35 p.m.
Monday, March 31, 2003
*BGM : Everybody's Fool ~ Evanescence*
Today's episode is brought to you by Woe Is Me and the Internal Rant System. WTF is that? I'd like to think that it is the departement in my head who is responsible for filing incoherent thoughts and transfering them into random and daily rants. Negative emotions and thoughts should be expressed, no? Unless that expression will be taken personally by people that will not be mentioned here, just because people are just self-centered and touchy. Yunno, people who thinks that the world revolves around them, and they own the world and that other people are just renting space? No? Well, lucky you. That been said, proceed to read this entry at your own risk. Sure, you'll get a glimpse of what's going on inside my head, but don't expect to understand it. Hell, I don't even think I can.
I know I should go to campus today, but I really don't feel like it. I dunno, just thinking about the journey alone makes me nauseaous. I should take a break and getaway from everything, but I always feel guilty, coz I have unfinished business. I know other people have bigger problems than I do, and I know I shouldn't whine, but sometimes I can't help it. I feel stupid for feeling this. Yeah, I don't have the zest for life that I usually have anymore. I even don't feel like going out of the house. I should though, and buy groceries. Just that, I'm always anxious when I'm out of the house. I have this irrational fear of ... I don't know of what. I can't sleep at night, and even if I do sleep, I don't feel like I'm rested. I wake up tired. Gah, I don't even sound sane to myself.
No, I don't think I'm insane. It's just that my logic is warped somewhat, and it needs to be straightened out somehow. I read theories on logical thinking in my early uni years and how as academia people are supposed to rely on that sense of logic. Heidegger, Aristoteles, Plato, Socrates and those other guys. Heh, why aren't there female philosophers at those times? Random thought. Anyway. Ironic how I can't force those theorems in real life. I have fear. Fear of what? I don't know. Ah, logically, that is not possible. Of course, this is where our dear Sigmund Freud comes to play. Unconsciously, I must feel threatened by something. And of course, Freud would the link my fear to some sort of sexual dysfunction or whatnot. Heh, yeah, whatever. Maybe I feel threatened by speeding cars who are unconcerned of the safety of pedestrians. Can anyone tell me how that can be linked to anything sexual?
Moving on, I'm starting to read that Lay Epistemic theory book by Arie Kruglanski, again. It's basicly a theory explaining how thought and motivation plays a part in forming subjective knowledge. Oh my God, I just had an AHA moment right now. Is this what I've been trying to understand the past year? Fuck! If all I had to do was read and then blog it down to be able to understand, i should have done it years ago. Then again, I didn't have a blog a year ago. Nor DSL. Heh. But this is great! One step at a time.
But now I realize that I have to write it down in Indonesian. Great *rolls eyes* I'm sorry, didn't mean to sound so unpatriotic or whatever, it's just that I tend to write better in English than in Indonesian. And I can't say that as an excuse, because then the profs would consider me arrogant or whatever. I remember admitting this to an Indonesian teacher who was supposed to be a guidance councillor and she thought me as flaunting...flaunting what I dunno. Not my fault that I move around the globe frequently and have language problems. My English is mediocre, my Indonesian is also somewhere there, and I've forgotten French (and everyone else say 'that's a shame'. Oh, do shut up. Wasn't my fault I was hauled out of a French kindergarten and shoved into a Brit one). My Javanese skills are pretty much non-existant. I understand the language, just don't expect me to speak it. Heh, my brain is a mass of complexity. Okay, everyone's brain is also like that, but why should I care about everyone else's brain when I can't understand mine.
*Looks up* What I wrote didn't make sense whatsover. But then do I ever make sense these days? I have trouble communicating, I can't even label my emotions correctly. Do you know how frustrating it is to symbolize a certain feeling with words, knowing that the symbol might not be the correct one, and straining to find the right words? And when you do find the right words, you just realized that that word is in a different language and you can't find the equivalent of that word in the language you're attempting to use as a means of communication? No? Good. I hope you never have to experience that, coz it's confusing as hell.
Ah, enough of this. This was supposed to be an outlet for me to vent my frustration. But now I'm frustrated coz I have to think of words in order to vent. Heh, maybe bleeding myself would be an easier outlet for my negative aura to pour out of my system. No, don't worry, this is not me thinking of commiting suicide. I have no razor blades, anyway. Ooh, I have lotsa kitchen knives though. Those ginzu knives with ridges. Ouch, that would hurt though. Heh, forget I said anything. Yes, I know that I need help. Would I do anything about it? I don't think so. I'm a cynic. Sue me. Oh well, time to end this rant. I'll probably read this again in the future and go WTF was I thinking? Hm, that looks like something nice to look forward to. Me laughing at past mistakes. Laughing at them because I'm past them.Okay. Shutting up. Now.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 10:39 a.m.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
* BGM : Wonderland ~ Kendall Payne
*Looks up* No, that's not John Mayer's Your Body is a Wonderland. It's by Kendall Payne, the lady who sang the OP for Popular (shut up, Kiggs). Heh,I've been suckered to perform Your Body is a Wonderland about 5 times already over Voice Chat , I think. But who's counting *rolls eyes*. Sorry, random thought.
Helped Fyro build her blog. Hee, koi, hope you don't mind, but I kinda stole your layout for my blog and modified it. Put you down on the credits though. I changed the colors, so that it won't be too similar. Yeah, Fy's blog also has Eliza Dushku... but it's Eliza... not Faith (Ms.Dushku, if you're reading this, notice that we can separate your roles from the individual you).
Gonna go to campus today. Didn't sleep last night. Fuck sleep. Sleep is overrated anyway. Or in Piper's words, time is too precious to sleep away. It is. Anyway, campus. See profs. They'll probably chew me alive, but I'm past caring (or so I tell myself). Heh. Gotta reward myself later somehow. Hm, probably I'll go to ITC and check out new release dvds. Or get that Evanescence album. Or just go back home and finish watching that Buffy season 1 DVD set. I could always watch season 2 after that. Then season 3, just for Faith. Mmmm... Faith. *notices strange stares* What?
Hm, excuse incoherency. No caffeine yet. Need caffeine. Caffeine good. Beer bad. Tree pretty. Fire bad.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 06:33 a.m.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
*BGM : Hope ~ Apocalyptica *
First of all, I wanna say that I just saw the most brilliant Faith fan video clip ever! In the words of the Goddess herself :wicked cool! Man, the person who made it sure went out of their way. The clip showed footages from the Return of Faith trilogy in Angel, from Salvage, Release to Orpheus. It had everything, I tell ya. Okay, it didn't show Nate Dushku in that hideous wig from Orpheus (how great is it that you can work with your own bro in a tv series?), but it did show Faith being happy. Yep, mark it down guys and gals, Faith actually smiled.
Astri-san, here's some info. Angel is up to season 4 while Buffy is up to season 7. This will be the last season of Buffy, because Sarah Michelle Gellar is walking away. Can't blame her, because of the crappy writing and producing that started from season 6 (yes, Marti, I'm pointing fingers at you!). Angel actually has a better storyline this year ...yeah, okay, they had Faith for 3 eps, maybe I'm biased, but they really wrote her character well there. I'm sure when Faith goes back to Buffy (hehe, take that as you will) the writers there would probably do a great job of screwing her up (Joss, if that happens, shows how big of a man you are, screwing Faith over just because Eliza Dushku turned down your offer making that Faith spin-off... heh, I'm being sarcastic if you can't tell). Okay, sorry, now back to your question about Captain Cardboard. Spoilers ahoy. You sure you wanna go on? Well, if you are, here goes:
Riley couldn't handle being a regular guy dating a supergirl, so he left. But sometime in season 6, Captain Carboard came back to Sunnyhell, with his wife who is also a government secret agent, to ask Buffy for help. Oh yeah, but Buffy is dead. Right. Well, Willow resurrected her from the dead. Then Buffy became a living zombie. And then she became involved with Spike, hence the evilness that is Spuffy. Okay, I admit I had no problem with this at first, thought it was kinda cute, but then a line was crossed and the writers still made it as if Buffy still 'loves' Spike. Blech. Makes. Me. Sick. Anyway, I'm bitter and biased, so you might wanna check out Television without Pity, for (snarky) reviews or Buffy's Domain of Delight for quick recaps. Cheers.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 03:25 p.m.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
*BGM : Can Somebody Tell Me Who I Am ~ Orange Blue*
Was gonna go to campus, but realized, no clean decent clothes and, um, well, underwear *blushes*. Hehe, sorry if it's an overshare. Just that it's a lesson to all how trivial things can abort ones mission for the day. Yeah, yeah, I'm malingering, whatever. Say that when you live alone and conveniently forgot to do your laundry and no one is there to remind you. Heh. Yunno, why can't dirty laundry ever wash themselves? And iron themselves as well? Life would be much more easier...*sighs*.
*looks up at the BGM song title* I love this song. It's a song in the Disney soundtrack for Dinosaurs, I think. Orange Blue is a German band. Heh, been listening to a few German artists lately, thanks to a certain someone. Shut up, ,Kiggs, not a word, yo! Anyway, back to the song... I guess I like,love,whatever, this song because it reflects where I am these days. Searching for myself and all that.
Can somebody tell me who I am?
Will I ever learn to live my dreams?
Will I be in harmony with the river deep underneath my skin?
call my name and save me from the dark @ 11:51 a.m.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
*BGM: Perfect Memory ~ Remy Zero*
Ack! I've got an invader! Hehe, thanks,Koi, for fixing this up. Nope, no complaints here. So, you registered my name at ISF? Thanks (I think XD), but I thought they only list male slash? Well, guess there's a first time for everything.
*notices strange stares* What? Yes, I'm a Fuffy(Faith/Buffy) shipper. The two Slayers belong together, the Chosen Two and all, coz who can understand each other better than another Slayer? That and they look hella cute together. Besides, the subtext was clearly scripted and intentional. Doug Petrie, the writer, stated it himself. What? Still have a problem with it? *shrugs* Heh, suit yourselves. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I think that Spangelus(Spike/Angelus), Spangel(Spike/Angel),Wander(Wes/Xander) and Spander(Spike/Xander) are also cute. Just to set the record straight, heh *snickers*, I liked Spike in the old days. Spike and Dru make a great Bonnie and Clyde. Don't like lapdog Spike of season 6 till now. Can't.Stand.Spuffy. Sure, it's logical of girl of power to fall in love with her rapist...NOT! Fuck, what kind of message does that send to the world?*rolls eyes* Winnedy(Willow/Kennedy) are tolerable, I suppose, though they don't have chemistry like Willtar(Willow/Tara). Tara, hiks, miss ya. Okay, Willtar was onscreen sugar overload, but its better than the blandness of Winnedy. Besides, the wannabe is starting to irritate me. Where is Faith when you need her? Heh, Faith already put Connor in his place by kicking his ass *does much rejoicing*, I suppose she could do the same to Kenny. I mean come on, Slayer vs Slayer in Training, who'd you think would win? I thought so.
Koi, you're right. Metro TV & CNN are kinda scary. It's like they're excited to see blood and looking for some more *shudders*. Bush is an idiot, but we already know that. Hopefully the war doesn't last a day. One can only hope.
call my name and save me from the dark @ 10:46 a.m.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Nope, this is not Storm, despite popular belief. *grins* Silver Wind's here. Just filling something because I've archive the previous entries. ^_^;;;
Any complaints about your new layout, hun? ~__^
call my name and save me from the dark @ 06:51 a.m.
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