thanksgiving
Sunday, November 30, 2003, 12:28 a.m.

Had a thanksgiving party at Mi'er's place. Her mum prepared a lot of food - turkey (in tortilla), maki (sushi), pasta, salad, beef soup... I am amazed at the amount of micro- and macro-management required for such a grand feast, but her mum didn't look stressed at all, in fact she looked so happy and full of love... No wonder her food tastes so great - I think she puts in a lot of heart in her cooking!

Also learnt to roll the maki (the first sushi I make in my life!)... haven't fully mastered the act of pushing the rice together though. I was so satisfied with my work that I am considering buying the "sushi-making gear" so that I can make sushi myself at home.

Thanks, Mi'er and mum, for being such great hosts! :)

pilots
Saturday, November 29, 2003, 01:15 a.m.

Watched the pilot episodes of Sex and the City and Will & Grace to see if I want to download the rest of the series. Sex is subtly humorous and rather feministic, while Will is funnier in a more direct way like Friends and Seinfeld... Think I'm going to start watching a lot of Will.

music and money
Friday, November 28, 2003, 11:51 p.m.

Haven't been practising my instruments at home. Spent an hour perfecting Herfurth's Harvest Time on the violin - okay, it's actually a very simple etude, but I wanted to do the string-crossing and finger-crossing flawlessly so it took me quite a while. Also spent some time practising Damas's Scherzo on the guitar.

Seriously considering switching to individual lessons for violin. I know it is important to start slow and pay attention to all the posture and basics, but I feel the progress in my present group class is really too slow and I fear I am not getting enough attention from Elena so I may be cultivating some bad habits that she may not have noticed. At this rate I may not be in time for the Grade 1 exam next year! And I really need to clear at least one grade every year if I want to clear all the grades by my early thirties...

But I think I'm already spending too much on music classes, taking individual lessons will mean that I'll spend even more - together with guitar, it already costs me about $140 per month now - which is HUGE considering these are leisure expenses that will not be contributing towards my career development... I thought of stopping guitar lessons, but I've already come so far I don't feel like giving up now, and I wouldn't know how to tell Lily that I'm quitting. Sigh.

daruan
Thursday, November 27, 2003, 11:45 p.m.

Was asked to play daruan during BH practice today and found that it sounds very nice! The bass sound is able to resonate for a longer time than any other plucking instruments that I know and dramatic effects can be created with glissandos and vibratos. Quite a waste that such a beautiful instrument is seldom given a significant role in songs to show its potential and instead usually only used as a dispensable carafe (how do I spell this??) to complement cellos.

mid-twenties crisis
Thursday, November 27, 2003, 1:08 a.m.

Met up with my NUS classmates at PS Cafe Cartel and then went on to have a drink at Brassaries. Everyone has slimmed down from work (even Caleb, who used to have a beer belly). Talked about work, marriage and bachelorhood. Anthony is getting married this December, while the rest of us are still single. Caleb was telling us he was experiencing mid-twenties crisis a few months ago when he realised that although he'd envisioned himself to be in a stable relationship and working towards settling down in a family five years ago, and despite having an exciting life in Singapore and US and having many 'flings', he's still single now and haven't accomplished anything solid in life... At 26, when we're receiving wedding invitations almost every other month, we're indeed constantly reminded that we NEED to settle down SOON. But I guess for guys we're still quite young and there's still time to find The Right Person?... I hope.

Heard Ordinary World playing in the background at Brassaries, the echoey vocals fitted the atmosphere perfectly under the stars with a light breeze blowing beside the little pool and dreamy lights...

Ordinary World - Duran Duran

Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What is happening to it all?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
Pride will tear us both apart
Well now pride's gone out the window
Crossed the rooftops, run away
Left me in the vacuum of my hart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Fear today forgot tomorrow
Here beside the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
Blown away

Just blowing away

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every world is my world (I will learn to survive)
Any world is my world (I will learn to survive)
Any world is my world
Every world is my world

infernal affairs
Monday, November 24, 2003, 07:35 p.m.

Watched parts I and II of Infernal Affairs and finally understood why they were so critically acclaimed. The story is very well-told with the support of a stellar cast, and it has some nice touches of Chinese literary techniques where the fates of the less important characters are premonitions of the destinies of the protagonists. Definitely two of the few better works in recent Chinese cinema.

memories of the clock tower
Sunday, November 23, 2003, 12:38 a.m.

Performed with BHCO at Ang Mo Kio Hospital. The old people and the staff there were quite appreciative. And when I looked at those old patients (one of them had one leg amputated, another had tubes all around her) I suddenly understood why many people want to be volunteers to look after old folks. The old people looked so lonely and helpless... I wondered what they were thinking when they're watching us - did our songs remind them of their old days? Did WE remind them of the time when they were young? (Or maybe they were just hoping that the performance would end asap? Ha.)

Then went to TCHS for the first practice for the alumni CO performance in December. The core members (TCHSCO) are really good technically, but I think their songs lack feel - the songs are forever in fortissimo when no expressions are stated on the scores, and their mp is equivalent to an f to me. Hmmm... I think I used to play like them too when I was in TCHSCO...

Anyway it was good to be back at TCHS. The young people reminds me of the time when we loved our instrument so much that we'd practise and practise and practise and wouldn't think that there's anything wrong with that. They also make me feel so old - most of these juniors are at least a decade younger than me...

Kaixin came too. Haven't seen him for years, and he told me I've changed - in both appearance and character, that I used to be sharp-tongued and sarcastic while I'm now the total opposite... Many things have changed actually. Hwa Chong has a new extension (and some really ugly bridges), TCHS's hostels are gone (or have moved?)... Though it felt good to be back with these passionate juniors around, something was missing somehow... something... I don't know what.

Found myself humming a tune when I was on my way home alone and passing the clock tower. I thought it sounded very peaceful and nice and would have been good material for Memories of the Clock Tower Part II, but I didn't have a sound-recorder with me then and I can't remember the tune now. Drats.

Nobody's Fault But My Own - Beck

Treated you like a rusty blade
A throwaway from an open grave
Cut you loose from a chain gang
And let you go

And on the day you said it's true
Some love holds, some gets used
Tried to tell you I never knew
It could be so sweet

Who could ever be so cruel
Blame the devil for the things you do

It's such a selfish way to lose
The way you lose these wasted blues
These wasted blues

Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own

When the moon is a counterfeit
Better find the one that fits
Better find the one
That lights the way for you

When the road is full of nails
Garbage pails and darkened jails
And their tongues are full of heartless tales
That drain on you

Who would ever notice you
You fade into a shaded room

It's such a selfish way to lose
The way you lose these wasted blues
These wasted blues

Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own

true colors
Saturday, November 22, 2003, 01:35 a.m.

Had the most boring BBQ in my whole life at my Math HOD Lourdesamy's house just now. It was a Math department BBQ, and the attendance was bad, and most of us who went were there just to "show face" so we were really merely going through the motion of setting up the fire, BBQ-ing the food, eating, laughing... just when a group of people went off (smart people!) and the rest of us were planning to sneak off, Ee Von stopped us and said we had to play some games that she planned and stay back to clear up the mess.

So the five of us (who were too slow to get away) stayed. And guess what we played? *drum rolls* CHARADE! So exciting, huh? In order to clear the leftover food, Ee Von thought of a wonderful idea - the ten of us (five of us plus Ee Von plus Lourdesamy plus his three children) were split into two groups and when a group got their answer right they could choose an item for the other group to eat. So fun, huh? During the game, Ee Von casually mentioned today's absentees and how she persuaded some people to come when they initially didn't want to (these were the people who managed to leave early). *BACKSTABBING DETECTED*

I lost count of how many rounds we played the game - I think even Ee Von got bored of it when all of us decided that we should really just clear up the mess and go. And so we did, and after a short water splashing finale (my god, adults running around playing with water guns), I finally managed to get out. This WILL BE the last time I'm attending such departmental gatherings.

Watched tonight's recorded Survivor episode. Can't believe Rupert was voted out. He was the pillar of the lot and he played the game fair and square and he worked hard to ensure the survival of the whole team, but he was eventually betrayed cos he was viewed as too strong an opponent, by those individuals whom he trusted most. In his own words, "I always get hurt trusting people. Why should this be any different? I want so badly to be accepted, and I never get the acceptance that I want. I don't fit. So much for my dreams."

i cry (continued)
Friday, November 21, 2003, 01:37 p.m.

I get touched very easily by books, movies and especially music. It's a kind of electrocuting feeling that flows through my whole body and then my hair will stand and sometimes tears will roll beyond my control. It doesn't need to be something tragic in order to activate my tear-ducts, in fact I usually cry from the sheer brilliance of something (a good book, a well-scripted movie, a piece of beautiful music). I know this sounds very feeble and silly, but I guess crying is just my way of expressing my appreciation for exquisite art forms. This is bad though, cos I always have to wait for my tears to dry (wiping would be too obvious) after a good movie at the cinema, and sometimes it's quite embarassing when my sis barge into my room while I'm listening to something nice.

Strangely, I seldom cry for myself. As in, I don't cry from joy or sadness. Maybe it's a guy thing (but then again guys are not supposed to cry in movies), but I think this is quite unhealthy (well, at least according to medical reports). Probably this has to do with my forgetfulness - I forget the bad things that happen to me after a good night's sleep - so things never get to the stage of being so sad that I shed my tears.

i cry
Thursday, November 20, 2003, 11:59 p.m.

Some vocals are able to make you feel - Lamb's, for example. Unlike cheesy pop songs that may be on the charts for the while but will be quickly forgotten, some songs have souls in them... (I am NOT condemning pop - there're good pop and bad pop) Here's a song that gives me mixed feelings every time I listen to it:

I Cry - Lamb

One day I met a precious soul
Whose words had touched my heart
His poetry resounded so
It tore my soul apart
But when I tried my thoughts to speak
Emotion made my mind so weak
And time stood still for years and years
I bathed him in my tears

I cried, I cried
Tears of joy, tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love, again and again

Some people turn to pills and things
To help them through the day
To take them up or down or just
To ease the blues away
But me I really want to feel
The ups and downs of life so real
Happy or sad emotions reign
My tears flow just the same

I cried, I cried
Tears of joy, tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love, again and again

Gonna burn so completely I leave no trace
Though so many out there would laugh in my face
For wearing emotion so close to the skin
Condemn me they might if to love's such a sin

I cried, I cried
Tears of joy, tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love, again and again

look see watch
Wednesday, November 19, 2003, 04:28 p.m.

Decided that I need a new watch because I've been wearing my present Swatch watch for more than 5 years - I still love it, but I guess a little change can be refreshing sometimes - so I went shopping for watches today and spent an hour browsing through the various watches (that's loooong for me, a non-shopper). Unlike clothes, I am very particular about watches because I know I'd be wearing it for years (cos I'm too lazy to shop - like now) and I think the watch that a person wears represents HIM to some extent. Everything must be perfect to me in MY watch - the clockface, the strap, the hands, its functionality, simplicity and uniqueness in design, symmetry, presentability... Yep. You guessed it. At the end of the hour I still didn't manage to find an IDEAL watch - liked a Fossil one, but it may be a little too beng-ish for me. Shall take a second look at it another day to see if it still appeals to me. If it does, I may just buy it.

Sigh. No wonder I can't find a girlfriend either. :)

lamb and bird
Sunday, November 16, 2003, 03:42 p.m.

Found Martina Topley-Bird's Quixotic and Lamb's Between Darkness and Wonder in the Dance section of HMV Citylink and bought them immediately. Both are brilliant albums. Martina (the female vocal in most of Tricky's albums) straddles comfortably between music of various genre from ragga to pop with her crystalline vocals; Lamb no longer toys with unconventional beats but still manages to make unique sounds from the conservative 4/4s.

Wonder - Lamb

Lately I find myself
Amazed
At all around me
Everything I see

Like all of life's ablaze
With light
That suddenly I see
Only now I see

The wonder
The wonder
Of it all

Wonder everywhere
More than we know
Heaven's not up there
But on earth below

Don't know if
God exists
But there's some magic out there
So much we're not aware

And sometimes suddenly
I hear
A harmony sing
Of each and every thing

The wonder
The wonder
Of it all

Wonder everywhere
More than we know
Heaven's not up there
But on earth below

oblivious
Saturday, November 15, 2003, 09:13 p.m.

Was chatting with a friend and got to know that a girl used to like me years ago. And I am still friends with this girl now. In fact at that time the whole NUS thought we're attached, but I just didn't feel the sizzle and only saw us as platonic friends, and we always joked that we'd never fall for each other cos we knew each other's flaws too well. Hmm...

reality and science
Saturday, November 15, 2003, 08:06 p.m.

Reservist training ended yesterday. Many of us were reluctant to leave the camp as we'd be back to work again (I didn't feel that much of reluctance cos it's the school holiday for me). ICT is like a break from reality. During ICT, we're temporarily cut off from the flow of the world - the world of tight schedules, mundane routines, family burdens, financial difficulties, backstabbing... There, we do not know what's the schedule for tomorrow, we just go through the days as they are, together with friends whom we'll see usually only once a year, no ulterior motives in befriending each other, no need to use too much of our brain cells to solve the how's, no need to think of what to eat for our next meal, no need to think of what to wear, when to smile, where to go, what to do... Looking forward to the next ICT.

Attended a science symposium at Biopolis this morning. Watched a video that showed Harvard students stumbled at some fundamental science questions. Can you light a bulb with a battery and a wire? How would an apple look like in a completely dark room with no windows (given infinite time for your eyes to adjust to the darkness)? Also learnt that students learn science better when (i) laboratory sessions precede lessons of that topic, (ii) students are asked to predict what would happen before teachers' demonstrations, (iii) students have a strong mathematics foundation (students with good math foundations are found to perform better in science than students with good science foundations).

roasted men, anyone?
Wednesday, November 12, 2003, 09:10 p.m.

Today was Day 1 of our exercise. In the past, we only had MOPP4 and Decon Crew suits. Thanks to Osama, now we have more new equipment and more new (inhumane) suits too. Firstly, the SCBA - Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus, which is basically a blue spacesuit with an oxygen tank. This is still bearable except the donning and movement part can be quite tedious and clumsy. And next, which is what most of us wore the whole day today, the LDS - Lightweight Decon Suit. It is lightweight all right, and it is supposed to be of one-time use. But, like all things in army, for training purposes, we got to RECYCLE EVERYTHING. So, the LDSs that we wore were re-worn a thousand times before us when they're not meant to be, and they stank like... hmmm... try imagining the top ten worst smells and put them all together and you'll be close to it. On top of that, cos the suit is designed for cold climate countries, it is basically an airtight suit that is chemical-resistant and totally impermeable. This means our body heat builds up inside the suit like a greenhouse and no air from outside can seap in. Add that to the fact that today's temperature was 35 degrees Celsius, and you can almost picture how we were all roasted like we're wrapped up in an aluminium foil and placed in an oven - the suits literally BURNT on our skin when we're under the sun... The first thing that I did when our debrief for the day ended was to RUSH to the showers.

the cookhouse incident
Tuesday, November 11, 2003, 07:00 p.m.

It started with us placing our votes in Unsatisfactory for a survey regarding the food at the cookhouse. Then suddenly the private beside us exclaimed, "Hey! Are you sure or not?" We stood by our vote as yesterday's food was really terrible. Then the private went to tell another woman who seemed like the cookhouse supervisor, and she came and spoke with a rather harsh tone, "What're your names? Fill in these forms!" And passed to us some forms to justify why we said the food was unsatisfactory. Naturally some of us were quite unhappy as we merely casted our honest votes and then we had to fill in some stupid forms (especially when the woman was so rude), so Keng Hua said if we're going to fill those forms, we'd rather just change our votes to Satisfactory. But the woman insisted that we fill in the forms and ended with saying, "I'll remember your faces!" with a threatening tone.

We didn't want to argue with an auntie so we just took our food and sat down and ate. While we were eating, a staff sergeant and a major (wow, such a small matter could invoke a major's presence) came to explain that the forms were necessary for feedback and they made it sound like we were in the wrong for placing an "abnormal" vote (they probably expected everyone to just settle with Satisfactory). I was quite infuriated by then and told the major that the system should be revised as naturally no one would want to express their honest opinions had they known they had to go through more trouble for picking the "abnormal" option - why not make EVERYONE fill in the survey forms instead of getting only those with "minority votes"? The major said this had been tried out but didn't work. Then I asked him, "So does THIS work then? Are you getting the TRUTHFUL results or just results that YOU want to see?" The major was speechless and tried to pacify me with stuff about procedures and whatevernot and admitted that the woman was a little too rude. We knew this would go nowhere so we just filled up the forms and went off.

After the incident, Han and Keng Hua applauded me for speaking up for all of us, and news about this soon spread after lunch and I became the little hero of the day. :)

yellow rambutans
Monday, November 10, 2003, 09:04 p.m.

Only in army camps will you find grown men climbing trees to pluck rambutans and shouting out cheers when they manage to strike down a big bunch. During our free time, some of us were tempted by the rambutan tree in our camp that was full of yellow rambutans (they said yellow rambutans are sweeter than red ones) so we got ourselves a ladder and harvested a big bag of rambutans. I didn't find the rambutans particularly sweet, but it was fun anyway - not something we can possibly see or do in our modern gracious society where everyone behaves so properly and no one is free enough to even notice rambutan trees.

the new principal
Sunday, November 9, 2003, 10:30 p.m.

Gek Hong called and updated me on what happened in school during the first 2 days of my ICT two weeks ago ("Boy, you missed a great deal in those two short days!"). Apparently, our upcoming female principal has successfully made enemies with every teacher in the school (our old principal is retiring upon the end of this year). Due to a technical glitch, the computer system wasn't able to churn out the result slips for the whole school by the end of the school term, and some of the data had been erased. Instead of being diplomatic and reasonable, the new principal called up all the teachers into a room and scolded them for not behaving professionally and not keying in students' results on time thus causing the screw-up. At the end of her demoralising speech, she went on to call out specific names of teachers whose class's results were keyed in late. This made everyone extremely unhappy about the way she handled the matter. She has even got a nickname now - when she's not even officially appointed as the principal yet. Days after the incident, when she walked past teachers, she didn't even LOOK at the teachers though the teachers greeted her. I suddenly remember what Ms Selena Akbar said about having a new female principal:

Sour times ahead.

15, 4, 2
Sunday, November 9, 2003, 09:14 p.m.

Yay! Managed to catch the feature film version of 15 before it ends its run. Quite surprised that the cinema was almost full after so many weeks of screening. Anyway, the movie was very captivating - though most of its most memorable moments were already in the short film version - if not for the obvious cuts (which fortunately remained intact in the short film version). While the short film version tells the story of mainly 2 teenagers, the feature film version tells the story of 3 more, and there are more gruesome scenes in this version, like piercing on the mouth done by the teenagers themselves (the actors REALLY did it), drug smuggling by swallowing condoms filled with pills, self-inflicted slashings on the arm with a penknife (again, the actor REALLY did it)... The reality element of the movie (the actors were acting themselves) is what is most powerful about it. I MUST own the VCD/DVD when it's out (I'll most probably have to buy the import since Singapore is sure to ban it).

Went shopping for CDs but didn't buy any. If any of you know where I can find the following CDs, please tell me! (Found the first two at HMV Heeren, but they're a little too pricey... $20 would be a reasonable price for me)

1. Martina Topley-Bird, Quixotic
2. Schindler's List (Soundtrack)
3. Tricky, Back To Mine
4. Elliott Smith, Either/Or

Bought 2 new albums recently. Faye Wong's was disappointing, and it felt like it's made for the sake of making, to satisfy fans who're complaining that she hasn't made an album for years. R.E.M.'s compilation was brilliant, with many essentials including Losing My Religion and Everybody Hurts and a poster and a booklet containing notes for each song.

the matrix
Saturday, November 8, 2003, 06:19 p.m.

They should not have made sequels to The Matrix. While the original was groundbreaking and was definitely one of the best movies of the last century, the sequels pale alongside the original and will be easily forgotten. This does not mean the sequels are terrible. The Matrix Revolutions is exhilarating and the battle scenes between machines and man are breathtaking; the special effects and action sequences are also painstakingly exquisite. But the storyline is simply not strong enough. This final chapter does not offer any explanations to the questions raised in the Matrix trilogy - only more miracles. While the original Matrix had an open ending, it ended well, this one ended rather disappointingly. After loads of elaborate theories that attempts to explain in The Matrix Reloaded, it feels like much ado about nothing when the final chapter ended without a convincing "Truth".

fur elliott
Wednesday, November 5, 2003, 05:47 p.m.

Elliott Smith died recently on 21 October 2003, from an apparently self-inflicted single knife wound to the chest. Listening to this singer-songwriter behind the soundtrack of Good Will Hunting right now - the man who made the already brilliant movie even more powerful and touching with his soothing and gentle music that overflows with extraordinarily intense emotions... Here is a song that always makes me cry...

Between The Bars - Elliott Smith

Drink up, baby, stay up all night
The things you could do, you won't but you might
The potential you'll be, that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now, and forget all about
The pressure of days, do what I say
And I'll make you okay, and drive them away
The images stuck in your head

People you've been before that you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up, baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again, between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there, with your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
Separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot

People you've been before that you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

I wish I can be a good musician like him, whose music still affects and touches people's hearts long after he's dead and gone...

smoke in the square
Tuesday, November 4, 2003, 07:20 p.m.

It was scorching hot in the morning and then there was a downpour in the afternoon. The parade square was so well-baked that rain evaporated the minute it touched the ground - it's quite spectacular to see the whole parade square smoking... In fact there are many things in army camps that are very beautiful - things we won't be able to experience in urban areas. Like large cranes flying to their nest on top of a lone tree, dark skies (and I mean, complete BLACK skies) filled with glittering stars, a wide wooden bridge over a gushing river, unused pavements with colonial roadlights, dilapidated training sheds with blackboards that have drawings left over from decades ago... It's quite refreshing to see these naturally beautiful things when we're tired of beautiful cars and beautiful people that we see every day. Things probably look more beautiful when they're unattended.

a poor man feeling rich
Monday, November 3, 2003, 08:45 p.m.

It feels different to be slightly financially independent. In the past, I wouldn't take a cab even if I had to travel to a place like Tuas (cos Mum would nag and I would feel bad when there're cheaper alternatives). Now, for every book-in, as I am too lazy to transfer buses and walk into the army camp, I take a cab every morning. In fact, I just came back from Alex's ROM celebration at Downtown East chalets, and I took a cab again as I was feeling too tired to waste time waiting for buses and MRTs ... Hmmm... at this spending rate I can never ever become a rich man I guess.

and we will weep to be so alone
Sunday, November 2, 2003, 09:30 p.m.

My second Radiohead layout.

Dunno if you've noticed... almost every one of my layout has a (fictional?) story attached to it. This one is about a child who's tired of worldly expectations and escapes from home. He (or she) soon realises that no matter where he goes he can't escape from the world - the home is truly where he can seek some comfort... but he's lost and can't find his way back... now he has to live a new life... alone.