Saturday, May 31, 2003. Reliving the pleasant day at 12:29 a.m.

Went back to Compassvale as requested by Fiona, Saajida, Bee Bee and Huiming (3I) to help them revise Physics. Met several teachers and familiar students. Also met the whole class of 3I as they were just released from their math enrichment class, and they were so happy to see me - I nearly cried.

The Physics session lasted about three hours as I went through the key ideas behind specific latent heat, ray diagrams, evaporation and so on (I am actually quite proud of the analogy I used to explain the phenomenon of evaporation that I thought of offhand - though not perfect, I managed to make them laugh and understand at the same time). The girls gave me a box of Rocher at the end of the session.

Saturday, May 31, 2003. Enlightened at 12:10 a.m.

Finished reading Touch This! Conceptual Physics for Everyone and learnt several things like the mechanism behind the satellite's orbit is simply the projectile motion.

Besides the Physics ideas discussed in the book, I also liked the way the author treated the differences between the scientific and religious way of explaining the world around us. He used the analogy of light: Light can be viewed as particles or waves. While some may wonder how can light be both light particles and light waves at the same time, both ways of viewing light actually complement each other and enhance our overall understanding on the abstract phenomenon of light. Likewise, religion and science need not be contradictory - both can in fact complement each other to enhance our understanding of the world, just as Einstein once said, "Science without religion is deaf; religion without science is blind."

There's also a paragraph about how Buckminister Fuller viewed the prophesies of doom: Like chicken eggs about to be hatched, inside the limited environment of the eggs are undeveloped chicks consuming and exhausting their inner-egg resources. It may seem to the chicks that doom is at hand, until in desperation the chicks break through their shells and hatch - entering a whole new range of possibilities.

Thursday, May 29, 2003. Relearning concepts at 07:36 p.m.

You cannot touch without being touched - Newton's Third Law.

Spent most of the day reading Touch This! Conceptual Physics for Everyone, and gained some conceptual insights in phenomena like terminal velocity and momentum. The author Paul Hewitt used a lot of humor and many real-life examples in explaining very basic concepts. For example, which one of the following will touch the ground first when dropped from the same height, a pin or a bag of 100 pins? The heavier bag of pins? (Both will touch the ground at the same time.) The author also said that there has been bad Physics teaching all these years cos teachers (or even physicists) themselves do not know exactly what they're teaching, and these gaps in understanding caused many misconceptions. I totally agree. =)

Thursday, May 29, 2003. Watching TV at 12:14 a.m.

Went through the main Physics concepts with Darren at my place and chatted with him about how things are in class since I left.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003. Paranoid Neo at 02:03 p.m.

This is me... according to some online quizzes...


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? (Quizilla)


You are Neo, from "The Matrix". You display a perfect fusion of heroism and compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You? (Quizilla)

Tuesday, May 27, 2003. Smelling nice at 09:59 p.m.

Gave Cassie her first lesson on liuqin at her home. Gave her 3 etudes to practise over the week and went through some of the common scales: G, D, C, F and B-flat. As a token of appreciation, she let me pick one vial of perfume from several vials. Each vial contains a unique scent as each is the result of her experimental mixing of essential oils in her perfume lab. I chose one mild, woody scent that I really liked. Not bad, one free vial of perfume for one lesson. My CK Crave cost me $60. :)

Monday, May 26, 2003. Treasuring the moments at 06:26 p.m.

Attended several induction sessions for the past few days, and some of the teachers (old and new) shared their experiences with us beginning teachers. All of them told us to treasure the MOMENTS in teaching instead of focusing on the depressing things and deadlines, and they shared with us some tearjerking moments. One teacher told us about her greatest achievement in 20 years of teaching: She said her proudest moment was when she asked students what they have learnt for the past year and one of them stood up and answered, "I have learnt not to say 'walao'". (For non-Singaporeans, this is a common Singaporean slang that is tagged in between sentences and it is considered a little rude) This touched her heart as she had been able to transform a foul-mouthed youth and rid of his bad habit to liberally use vulgarities in his speech - something that most parents couldn't even do.

I too believe in treasuring the moments (or snapshots, I call them) - of me feeding Kel beehoon on my last birthday, of me and Tom and others playing Risk and 'asshole' at his house, of Zhizhong, Zhenxiang and I practising ruan in the old TCHS orchestra room after school every day, of us Friday Club bachelors eating our hearts out at Tiong Bahru market, of Wenjuan, Liquan, Huiyan and I and others squeezing toothpaste into Kaixin's shoes as we sneaked into his room during National Music Camp... In fact I like to take snapshots of other people around me too - a mother playing with her kid on the train, a construction worker taking a rest under the shade, a passing babe dressed up to attract attention, a guy looking at the passing babe, ... I want to own one of those photo-taking handphones to take down these images, and I am going to buy it in August when I will be able to upgrade my M1 phone plan.

Monday, May 26, 2003. Corny at 06:24 p.m.

Just sharing a funny moment on the MRT today:

A guy stood up on the train to give up his seat to a blind man. He hand-signaled to the blind man to go and sit, but the blind man did not see his signal.

Hmm. Ok, not funny.

Sunday, May 25, 2003. Wishing Jas happiness at 07:02 p.m.

Went to Jasmawati's wedding. It's the first Malay wedding I've ever attended, and this was the second day of the wedding. According to Hilyah who was there too, there would usually be a religious ceremony on the first day, while the second day would be a buffet for relatives and friends. Delia was there too, so both of us asked Hilyah quite a bit about some of the Malay customs. The buffet could be a 'traditional' or 'modern' kind. Jas's buffet was a more 'traditional' one, with golden banners, elaborate decorations and traditional Indonesian music played in the background (the music was COOL, by the way).

Had a bit of the pastries, curry and pineapple rice, then I had to leave for tuition. Didn't even get to see Jas. She was supposed to sit on the stage with the bridegroom at the later part of the wedding to receive blessings from her relatives and friends, but she was still being dolled up when I left.

Went home and rested for a while before Darren came and I gave him private tuition on A Math. He was my Compassvale student, and he'd asked for this session as exams were drawing near. The session had been quite enjoyable as I haven't given tuition for a long time and Darren was one of my favorite students, and to know that Darren managed to clear his doubts made me feel very proud. Three hours flew so quickly I hardly felt it pass. I'd wanted the tuition session to be a free session, but his father insisted on giving me money when he came to drive Darren home, so I had no choice but to accept the money when the envelope had been pushed around for a while. Hmmm... feel so mercenary now.

Friday, May 23, 2003. Tired from pools at 10:08 p.m.

Went for a pool session with my NIE classmates. It was intended to be a class outing, but only 5 out of 24 of us turned up. Lin How and Yit Siang took one table, while Yian Ling, Lai Lee and I took another. Shared our experiences in schools while we played for three hours. Lai Lee and her 'lucky stick' made us all laugh.

Then walked to Brewerkz (a beer restaurant) for dinner, and Ying Ling and Desmond came to join us as we chatted till night.

Thursday, May 22, 2003. Cheers for Ruben at 11:31 p.m.

Went to X-Men's official website to read the bios of the characters. So Nightcrawler was the son of Mystique! No wonder they looked alike!

So glad that Ruben Studdard won in American Idol 2, despite his appearance! =)

Wednesday, May 21, 2003. Xquisite at 09:25 p.m.

X-Men 2 is good - it's probably even better than its original! Xavier, Magneto, Wolverine, Mystique, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Iceman, Pyro, Stryker, Jason 143, ... so many glamorous characters (each 'fighting' for attention) and subplots yet the movie managed to juggle and achieve a balance so well. Grand, action-packed, rich in plot, suitably loaded with special effects... makes me want to read the comics.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003. Undone a bad deed at 01:44 p.m.

Told JL that we would want our 'Walk in the Rain' to be performed by the original ensemble that played for the NAC competition, so I asked him if he's able to make time to join us for practices. He agreed immediately without thinking. I feel so relieved - like I've undone a bad deed I've committed several months ago.

I've been asked to play the sanxian for the concert as the conductor could not confirm the availability of the sanxian player. This is no mean feat cos the weight and length of the sanxian is a little... inhumane. Got a taste of this on Sunday when I played the sanxian for the whole practice. Shall need intensive practices from now on...

Monday, May 19, 2003. Unloads at 07:18 p.m.

Watched The Matrix Reloaded today. Still prefer the original Matrix - more thought-provoking and natural - unlike this sequel that is overloaded with special effects and cannot stand alone without its first and last part of the trilogy.

Monday, May 19, 2003. In the mood for love at 06:49 p.m.

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Sunday, May 18, 2003. Eating breakfast at 07:50 a.m.

Met up with my NUS friends for a class outing last night at PS Cafe Cartel. All turned up except Caleb (who is in US) and Eileen (who said she's got a slight fever). Out of us ten, four are teachers (Jennifer, Anthony, Weiming, me), one is still taking Masters (Ruiyun), and five are in the civil engineering industry (Fiona, Guohao, Weihong, Delun, Xinli). Those teaching all said that the job is satisfying, while those in the CE industry all complained about the terrible workload, and some of them are considering to go into teaching.

Had a really heavy dinner at Cafe Cartel, then we decided to adjourn to somewhere else for a drink. The girls took a cab, while the guys went on Guohao's pickup to move to a beer bar at Millenia Walk. The short trip was quite fun at the back of the pickup - besides having our hair dancing frantically and STRONG wind blowing on the face such that my specs nearly got blown away, we also had to duck from signs and pipes hanging from the low ceilings when we entered the carpark. Never noticed how low ceilings are in carparks until then.

Continued the chat at the bar until midnight before we went home. Then started to feel very uncomfortable from the heavy dinner. Went straight to bed after bathing.

Friday, May 16, 2003. Alone at 04:01 p.m.

Saw the scars on your arm yesterday, and it chills me to think of the pain that you've been inflicting on yourself. While you may think that we do not care for you, or that we're never there when you needed us, I just want to let you know that, we do FEEL for you, though most of us are not able to put our feelings into actual actions (people like me just cannot bring ourselves to probe into private affairs) - the only person who can truly help you is yourself.

To tell you frankly, I do not trust or rely on anyone myself. I believe that I am solely responsible for my own emotions and actions as I think that no one can be more interested in my wellbeing than myself (Why should they be? They have their own things to be worried about) - which is why I seldom confide in anyone. You do not need to be such an extremist like me, but I feel you need to pull yourself up before you sink even deeper (I know you've tried, please keep on trying!!), not for anyone's sake, but for your own.

Friday, May 16, 2003. Dejected at 03:23 p.m.

Went to attend a useless National Education seminar in the morning and met up with some NIE friends. In fact many of them have been posted to strange locations and most of them are appealing for a re-posting.

My Compassvale principal called to tell me to call a Ms Claudine to restate my request to be posted back to CVSS. (Actually I have already called a Ms Phetcharat Leong earlier on but they claimed that they didn't receive my request). Called Claudine, and she said she could proceed with the changes only if the Physics teacher who's being posted to CVSS (Teck Nam) agrees to a mutual switch. Spoke to Teck Nam (I know him personally, my NIE classmate) but he's unwilling to make the switch as CVSS is closer to his home. I don't really blame him - why should he sacrifice for my sake? In fact, I feel quite bad to make him feel bad for rejecting me.

Told Ms Claudine about this, and asked her whether it is possible for CVSS to have just one more Physics teacher (since East Spring has at least 3 Physics teachers posted there, to my knowledge). She was very patient and nice and told me that this cannot be done as CVSS has no more vacancy and there is a shortage of teachers on the East side, and she will try to contact East Spring to see what she can do.

I guess the chances of me getting posted back to CVSS are pretty low. Sigh.

Thursday, May 15, 2003. Waiting for hair to dry at 11:36 p.m.

Met up with Junhui to exchange cds, then went to Well Bean Bistro at Esplanade for a BHCO meeting. Nothing new came up really, just a reiteration of what we had in mind originally. Travelled to Yingjie's place to have dinner (overly-peppered bee hoon, instant-noodles-taste-like hor fun, not-bad fried rice, rather spicy mee goreng), then went to the activity room in her block to do the perforation, cutting, trimming and serial-number-stamping of our concert tickets. Each of us (Jiajia, Zhiqiang, Caleb, Yingjie, Mi'er, Kelly, Junbin, Youxia and I) specialized in one part of the cycle - I did the trimming (aka the Q.C.). Did that for a few hours till we were all quite tired and bored and it's late enough to go home to rest.

Quite memorable actually - the process of doing the tickets ourselves. But a bit labor-intensive... :)

Wednesday, May 14, 2003. Dissecting cranes at 11:58 p.m.

Received an SMS from my Sec 4B student to tell me that there are actually secret messages in the bigger cranes in the jar of paper cranes that I got from them today (Debbie, Karen, Meiting, Junqing and Yuanxing's combined gift). So I went to dig out the bigger cranes and opened them up to read the messages: must give them angpao when I get married, good luck, keep in touch, etc. Aren't these kids lovely. =)

Wednesday, May 14, 2003. Reluctant to leave at 08:03 p.m.

My final day in Compassvale. Felt like Santa, distributing chocolates to teachers and students. Bade farewell to my students, finished moderating the marks for yesterday's lab reports, packed up my stuff and cleared my table, exchanged contacts with Jasmawati, Hilya, etc, and left the school with some reluctance. Really hope I will be re-posted back here... the principals promised to continue pestering MOE about this.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003. Recalling on yesterday at 11:23 a.m.

Yesterday was a nice day. 3I prepared a mini-farewell party in a classroom for Jonathan and I, and I got water and cake splashed on my face and shirt. Also received presents from them and 3J.

As usual, that Physics teacher, who is always trying to make my life miserable, managed to get me involved in supervising a lab test (SPA) for 3J before my last day tomorrow (she said she has to make full use of me before I go), so I had to stay after school for the supervision and mark the papers when I reached home. Apparently she's not very popular with the teachers here too. She is nicknamed "the teacher who keeps disappearing from school".

Went shopping for loads of chocolates for my Cooperating Teachers and my 4 classes of students before I went home. Didn't know chocolates could be SO expensive.

Really tired by 8 pm after I finished marking the lab reports. Concussed at 9+ pm.

Monday, May 12, 2003. Surviving at 11:55 p.m.

Yay! Jenna won for Survivor #6 (still following the trend of guy-gal-guy-gal-guy-gal)! Yes, she may seem like just a young, spoilt sex goddess who made full use of her sex appeal and would strip herself naked just in order to get some chocolates, but she was really a strong-willed and righteous person, and these qualities showed up especially towards the end when she chose Matthew to face the jury together as he was a more worthy opponent (she could have picked Rob, who had betrayed almost everyone, so that the jury would be more likely to choose her as the sole survivor). In fact, she broke the Survivor record of having 6 out of 7 votes that voted for her - this showed that she was really worthy. You do not need to play dirty (like Rob who backstabs and lies and switches alliance every 3 days), you don't need to be overly morally-upright (like Matthew who played the game like a naive and ignorant person so that people don't feel overly threatened by his physical advantage) - You just need to be yourself, know your strengths and fully exploit them (like Jenna, who has many flaws and is willing to admit them, and makes use of her wonderful body to work to the top). Though I really wish for Kristy (the first deaf Survivor contestant) to win (all cos of that forever-strategizing Rob that she got voted out), I think Jenna deserves the title of Survivor.

Looking forward to Survivor #7...

Monday, May 12, 2003. Fingers crossed at 08:04 a.m.

Apparently my principals are surprised by my posting. They had expressedly told MOE that they wanted me to stay in Compassvale, but MOE personnel seem to have left out my case. According to my principals, they have priority in "reserving" me, so it's not right for MOE to post me elsewhere without them knowing. Now we can only keep on pestering MOE to post me back. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Sunday, May 11, 2003. Preaching at 12:24 a.m.

Mastermind by Neil Hannon

...Feeling sad is no longer allowed no matter how worthless you are.
And if your life depresses you just live it through your favorite movie star.
Beat stress and rebalance your life.
All you need to do is forget all the useless advice and live your life for you.
Don't let them sell you impossible dreams.
Don't be a slave to the beauty regime.
Look again in the mirror and see exactly how perfect you are.

Sunday, May 11, 2003. Disappointed at 12:19 a.m.

Received my posting letter from MOE. Will be teaching in East Spring Secondary from September onwards after my 3 months' Physics course in NIE. Quite disappointed that I am going to leave my wonderful colleagues in Compassvale Sec. On top of the fact that East Spring is quite out of the way, I heard from Eileen (who did her Practicum at East Spring) that there are a lot of politics among the staff, and the school is quite ill-equipped with only a few computers to be shared among all teachers (read: no personal computer = no ICQ-ing, no CD-listening; cannot do work, lesson plans, PowerPoints in school).

Think I am going to speak to the Principal to see if she can help me stay in Compassvale...

P.S. Thank you, Kel and Zew, for your concern.

Friday, May 9, 2003. Free at 07:52 a.m.

Missed BH practice last night to finish marking a pile of Math standardized tests that has to be submitted by today.

Today's going to be a relatively free day. Only one relief hour and one teaching hour. Will be spending the rest of the day staying in the airconditioned office, listening to Pavement, Emiliana Torrini and Jars of Clay.

Looking forward to weekend...

Wednesday, May 7, 2003. Hils and Jacs at 12:12 a.m.

Watched 'Hilary and Jackie' on TV. Didn't watch it last time in cinema, and didn't want to watch it just now at first, cos I had the impression that it's a boring movie, but I was attracted by the beautifully-shot scenes and decided to give the movie a chance - I am so glad I did. This grossly understated movie is going straight to my Top Movies List.

Brilliant cinematography (the colors! - vibrant and morbid), meticulous scripting and editing (the sequence of the way the story was told was so carefully crafted!), heartwrenching sounds (the sound of finger sliding across the cello strings, of the cello and its strings expanding under the sun, of the bow scratching on the strings - all reflected the turmoils within the characters), and of course the powerful acting (Emily Watson and Rachel Griffith!!)... all builds up the intensity of emotions in this true-life story between two sisters who are musical geniuses - the intricate relationship between the sisters, and theirs with music, left me breathless when the film ended. And my heart is still pounding hard now. I am going to buy the VCD/DVD and rewatch it MANY TIMES.

Tuesday, May 6, 2003. Even happier at 02:49 p.m.

Told my classes that I'm leaving next Wed, and all of them "awww"-ed. Feel flattered cos at least they seem to can't bear to see me go. Many of them said they are going to "grab" me after school before next Wed to clear whatever doubts they have, even in subjects that I'm not teaching. =)

Tuesday, May 6, 2003. Happy at 12:13 p.m.

Another pleasant day. My Physics class did very well for their test, and Joy told me stories about her students over lunch. One of her students cut his own hair using a mirror and got himself a really STRAIGHT fringe (Joy was more surprised at how STRAIGHT it was than anything else). Another student also cut his own hair, and cos he could only cut his front and not the back, his hair at the back was still very long, so he looked really awkward...

Those were stories from the lower sec. Too bad I only teach the upper sec and I won't get such entertaining little incidents.

Monday, May 5, 2003. Contented at 03:37 p.m.

Another tired but happy day. I feel happy when I delivered my lessons well for the day and my students could understand what I was teaching. Quite easily contented, huh?

Today's science lab class for my Sec 4 Normal (Tech) students was fun. The students were very excited as they could play with the universal indicator (a dye that changes into various colors at different pH), but the frustrating thing was they had to add 100+ drops of sodium hydroxide to dilute hydrochloric acid before the indicator turned green (the color for neutrality, or pH=7). So many students either "overshot" (color became blue or violet, indicating alkalinity, if students became impatient and added too much), or they never got to the stage of having green. However, most students still persisted and stayed after class so that they could get 'green'. It's heartening to know that NT students can be so immersed in WORK.

And I am leaving these lovely students next week. Hmph.

Sunday, May 4, 2003. Sharing my experience at 07:06 p.m.

To you:

I have got past the stage of realization that we are obligated to do many things we don't want to. I have learnt to accept this fact and make the best out of it. In worldly terms, I have matured. A person matures to become an adult (another worldly term) when he learns that it's better not to think too much and just GET ON WITH LIFE and ENJOY whatever he does.

Used to daydream and think about many things - religion, relationships, etc. That was when I was young and had lots of free time. Even used to wonder why I smile - do I smile for others to see, to let them know that I am ok and happy, or do I smile to tell myself that I am happy, or just cos smiling is a natural reaction? Or do I smile cos I'm obligated to smile when I am supposed to? Like when someone criticizes me, I should be humble and nod and smile and accept my mistakes; and when someone says a silly joke, I should smile to be polite.

My advice is, simply, don't think too much. Thinking too deeply into things only generates more questions and no answers - it's a waste of time and an overburden of emotional labor. Instead of asking "why do things turn out like that?" or "why do people treat me this way?", ask "how can I make myself happy from what has happened?"

Saturday, May 3, 2003. Happily failed at 08:00 p.m.

Guitar exam results are out. As expected, I failed. Only deaf examiners could have let me pass - I performed REALLY badly that day. So, no surprises, no disappointment - Lily was surprised that I failed, and even more surprised that I took it so well, so she tried to console me that I merely fumbled under exam pressure. Well, the fact is, I didn't practise enough and I played trashily at the exam so I really deserve to fail. Hmm. It feels good to have low expectations of oneself - once in a while, I guess.

Learnt "Aubrey" today. Expressive melody with a beautiful bass line and a nicely-syncopated section. Hope to master by next week.

Friday, May 2, 2003. All ready for the weekends at 03:09 p.m.

Yay! It's finally the weekends - how I look forward to my guitar lesson and 'Survivor' and 'Malcolm in the Middle' and 'The Simpsons'. And no, I don't look forward to the CO practice on Sunday morning. It deprives me of my much-needed sleep, and I don't feel excited about CO practices anymore. Firstly I think the White Snake song is boring (and there are FOUR movements for that). And the people are different now - they are still physically the same, but they are just different now - the joyful feeling of making music together is no longer there (except for a few times like last Thursday when music was ACTUALLY good). Frankly, if I were not the chairman, I would have left the CO. Oh, you mean, that was precisely why they nominated me as the chairman, so that I can't leave? Oh, I nearly forgot.

Thursday, May 1, 2003. Feeling sore at 03:47 p.m.

Yesterday was another terrible day as my self-doubt was deepened by the comments of a teacher. All it took were a pat on the back, a smile, and "You have successfully confused your students." Could it have been any more sarcastic?

I was trying to explain the derivations of Boyle's Law (why a straight line graph of p vs 1/V implies p varies proportionally with 1/V and that pV=k) when the students had not even learnt about proportions and variations. I was caught unawares as I thought this mathematical concept is quite fundamental. The teacher who observed my lesson seemed rather happy to see me fumbling and not being able to make my students understand - she probably thought she could have done a better job. But the fact is, when I told my students I am leaving in a few weeks' time to return to NIE, they said they wished I could stay as they never understood what that teacher was teaching (the teacher who observed my lesson was teaching them before I came). When she told me, "You have successfully confused your students", I really felt the impulse to tell her, "You are no better, you know?" (pat on back and smile included)

Although I knew the teacher was probably gloating (that I am 'less capable' than her) and being sarcastic and I can ignore her comments, I guess I really need to reevaluate my own teaching - my students sometimes really do not know what I am talking about. Actually for Science, this is still okay, their test results showed that they could understand my lessons relatively well, but for Math, my students reflected that my lessons on Coordinate Geometry were too boring and they performed REALLY badly in their test (which was why I was rather depressed for the past few days).

I asked another teacher - Foong Yee, who has been very supporting and encouraging - for advice. She told me I probably never experienced difficulties in school last time, that's why I couldn't anticipate the students' difficulties, and that I shouldn't be too hard on myself and I will accumulate experience and learn to teach better. Hmm. I can't wait. By waiting I would be making so many students suffer while I am "accumulating experience". I really WANT to be a good teacher. I don't want my students to have to self-study after attending my lessons (which was what I did in the past cos TCHS Physics teachers su*k). Can anyone tell me what should I do??

Thursday, May 1, 2003. Digging at 12:22 a.m.

Holes by Mercury Rev

Time, all the long red lines, that take
Control, of all the smokelike streams, that flow into your
Dreams, that big blue open sea, that can't be
Crossed, that can't be climbed, just born
Between, oh the two white lines, distant gods and faded
Signs, of all those blinking lights, you had to pick the one tonight...

Holes, dug by little moles, angry jealous
Spies, got telephones for eyes, come to you as
Friends, all those endless ends, that can't be
Tied, oh they make me laugh, and always make me
Cry, till they drop like flies, and sink like polished
Stones, of all the stones I throw, how does that old song go...