venus rocks Friday, March 31, 2006, 09:40 a.m. #1076

Sports Meet yesterday. Had lunch at Crystal Jade with a bunch of teachers, then proceeded to Tampines Stadium for the meet. Weather has been horrible, changing from a scorching sun to a pouring rain. Was the umpire-cum-timekeeper for the day. Quite fun to see students so engaged. Anyway, in the end, my house (Venus) won.

The Venus house was really noisy yesterday, cheering nonstop and jumping here and there - the cheerleaders painted their faces and did those you-climb-on-me-and-I-climb-on-you-and-we-throw-him-up-and-he-performs-somersaults-in-the-air acts. One of the boys even performed some fire-spitting stunts (wonder if they got permission from the stadium). If only they could be half as enthusiastic in their studies. Haha.

the lost sheep Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 01:02 p.m. #1075

Third entry of the day. D, whom I taught two years ago in my form class, has been sent into the boys' home for slashing his classmate last year. He'll be out in a month's time, and his parents made a special request with the school for me to D's mentor when he's back. I was quite surprised that the parents still remember me when the last time we talked was when D escaped from home two years ago.

Of course I gladly agreed to be D's mentor. Two years ago, when D failed by a small margin, I asked the promotion panel to give him a chance but the teachers didn't support my idea because of his behaviour (he's outwardly rude to teachers he didn't like). At that time I already predicted that he'd be led astray if he was demoted to the Normal stream. I really hate to see that what I predicted had come true. Part of me blames myself for not spending enough time with him to stop him from changing, but I know that if I were to "go back in time" (wishful thinking of course), we'll still not have the time to meet up and talk cos I'm not his teacher already. And how much really can I do to stop him from changing if he chooses to mix with bad company? Youngsters nowadays often forget to consider the consequences of their actions - I guess D needed to learn a lesson at some point - albeit a harsh one this time. I hope D learns from his mistake, and I look forward to talking to him.

the confession Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 11:01 a.m. #1074

This is the time of the year when I'm teaching the human reproductive system and issues on sex, and as usual, the students are extraordinarily excited and inquisitive during lessons. I always try to clarify all their doubts as far as possible, as long as the questions are not obscene or personal. Then today, when I was casually chatting with a boy, he started asking me about the colour of semen, and when I jokingly asked him how he knew about the various colours, he replied matter-of-factly, that he masturbates a few times a day, and he asked whether that is all right. I was quite stunned by his sudden and excessively-frank confession, and it's really too private for me to bear. Didn't know how to react - just told him masturbation is fine and healthy as long as he does not get addicted. Maybe I should have added that he probably shouldn't be telling the whole world what he's doing in his bedroom. Hmm.

the sanctuary Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 09:37 a.m. #1073

J (the only music teacher in our school) has kindly allowed me to use the music room as and when I feel like it. Last week I mentioned that sometimes I just feel like wanting to strum the guitar or play the violin during my breaks, and she told me that I could just get the keys from her to use the music room as long as she's not giving music lessons. She also said the room is her hiding place as well, and whenever she feels down or stressed she'll sing and play the piano there. Really think the place is great. It's a dance studio actually, pretty big, with very cold aircon, and one wall fully covered by a large mirror (like all dance studios). And the room is tucked in one remote corner where very few people will notice unless they're going for music lessons. So for the past two weeks, I've been going to the music room to practise the guitar and violin when I did not feel like working. Think it's so generous of J to be sharing her haven with me, and I always feel very grateful for such kind little gestures.

Nothing related to this post: Watched V For Vendetta two days ago (my sixth movie of the month!). Despite the rave reviews, I thought the show was just so-so... Had expected more action and thrill from an adaption of a graphic comic.

nobody should blog Sunday, March 26, 2006, 03:57 p.m. #1072

It's quite clear that the Singaporean columnists have run out of topics to write about. On the single issue of blogging alone, they've covered whether students should blog about their teachers, whether racist comments should be blogged, whether entries about handicap toilets should be blogged, whether reservist soldiers should blog about their training... and today on the Sunday Times there was a whole page on... *drum rolls*... whether TEACHERS should blog. And all of above articles end up with the same conclusion: We should all be mindful that the internet is a public domain, and we have to be careful and professional about what we blog. Hmm. I think all of us know that already. Next topic please.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's an article next week about whether MPs should blog.

capote Sunday, March 26, 2006, 09:32 a.m. #1071

Realised that all the movies I watched in this month were one-word: Transamerica, Crash, Munich, Jarhead... And now, Capote.

Capote is a psychological portrait of a novelist (based on a true story) who decided to become friends with the criminals of a brutal multiple murder, in hope of writing it into a sensational nonfiction book. The movie is quietly moving as we watch Truman Capote (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman) finding "a troubled kindred spirit more like himself than he wanted to admit" and being "crippled by a near sociopathic narcissism that he is able to wash his hands of another man's life in pursuit of his own goals". Hoffman has always been capable of delivering memorable performances even when he's just a supporting role (Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Flawless, The Talented Mr Ripley...), and this time he's finally given the chance to take the centrestage. He earned numerous Best Actor awards for this, including the Oscar. And he made me want to read that 1960s book that the real Capote wrote, which supposedly redefined the way that nonfictions would be written (In Cold Blood).

jarhead Saturday, March 25, 2006, 09:54 a.m. #1070

Just watched Jarhead (2005), a movie based on real events about soldiers in war who never got the chance to participate in it. I really liked the movie as it features a side of war which is seldom seen in other war movies, and I'm surprised it didn't get recognised at all in the Oscars.

Jake Gyllenhaal sheds his droopy-eyed cowboy image in Brokeback Mountain and takes on the role of a bored and frustrated soldier fighting invisible enemies in the desert. While his character (Swoff) might not have fired a single shot for the war, he saw the terrors of war and (probably the more important theme of the movie) the pointlessness of it all. Unlike other war movies which glorifies the soldiers, here, the soldiers were engaged in activities like (as listed by the Gyllenhaal's narration):

Masturbation. Re-reading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Re-wiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every women the marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cupban VS Mexican, Harleys VS Hondas, left VS right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying the mail order bride catalogue. Further masturbation. Planning a marine's first meal on return home. Imagining what a marine's girlfriend and her man Joey are doing in the alley or in a hotel bed...

But that does not mean the movie has no real "action" going on. The movie looks at the soldiers as real people instead of just moving props in a war, and there are in fact many poignant scenes, like the recruit who freaked out and was killed in the live fire range, the burning oil fields, the aftermath of a bomb attack... Here is an extract of an insightful (albeit long) review on imdb.com which tells you why you should watch this remarkable movie:

JARHEAD is the third in a string of successful films by Sam Mendes, first wowing audiences with AMERICAN BEAUTY and then continuing our admiration with ROAD TO PERDITION. With JARHEAD, Mendes solidifies himself as one of the most extraordinary filmmakers working today.

The first thing that may surprise audiences is that this is not necessarily an anti-war piece. Mendes and screenwriter William Broyles, Jr. have been careful not to make this film narrow in view. Instead, by focusing on the psychological turmoil of one soldier, Anthony Swofford (Jake Gyllenhaal), JARHEAD is able to speak specifically about this man's experience and how it relates to those around him.

Mendes drenches the screen with sights and sounds that literally envelope us in the horrors of warfare. These explosions of vision and noise are counterbalanced, however, with scenes of great sadness and warmth. One scene that comes quickly to mind is a boot camp drill where the young soldiers are crawling under barbed wire - the sound design is such that we hear every character screaming or grunting as the gunshots zoom overhead. But then, the scene changes. An event occurs that allows Mendes to silence all of the violence and machismo of war. Amongst the hysteria of the scene, one of the soldiers freaks out and a gunshot is discharged. Mendes lets the camera witness this as if it hadn't expected it to occur. The characters are in shock, and so is the audience. It's just one of many powerful moments where Mendes changes from loud, visceral warfare to quiet, poignant moments.

Not that there's much warfare here. In fact, the lack of warfare becomes a theme for this film. Peter Sarsgaard, in a great performance, reaches his breaking point during the final third of the film, and it's a riveting moment where the lack of warfare has finally made him explode. His performance is very strong throughout, but it is not until the second half of the film when he finally gets the chance to break loose. Don't mistake the first half of his performance as simply being on-screen... charisma that palpable doesn't happen by accident. It is because he uses his scenes and lines wisely in the first half that we end up so engrossed and fascinated by him in the second. A true supporting performance.

Jamie Foxx surprised me here, and not because I didn't think he was a fine actor. Obviously, he is. But his character is so well-conceived, and works wonderfully as the counterpoint to the Gyllenhaal character. Foxx plays his scenes confidently, but also with touches of gravitas that, even in RAY, we haven't seen before. The scene that we get a glimpse of at the end of the trailer is wonderful in its fullness, and helps Mendes' film give us a well-rounded opinion of Swofford's opinions on the war. Foxx is by turns hilarious and profound.

And then there was Jake Gyllenhaal. Wow. This is an incredible performance. Watch for a dozen scenes where he literally explodes off the screen, but how he also juggles the quieter moments with great aplomb. What makes Swofford an intriguing character is that he doesn't always get our sympathy; or, for that matter, want our sympathy. He is scarred by war and his family and the life he left behind, and he is just looking for a way to get out of the sand and the sexual dysfunction of war and the lack of gunfire. Gyllenhaal captivates our attention from his very first glimpse, and his voice-over performance laces the film with irony and melancholy. He is a great physical presence in the film as well. I could cite more than a few dynamic scenes that he performs masterfully in, but I'll just mention one. Swofford points a rifle at a fellow soldier after a failed night watch, and then turns the rifle on himself, asking the fellow soldier to discard a round into his mouth. It's an indescribably painful scene to watch, but it's also an example of Gyllenhaal's brave and honest portrayal of this bruised man.

Some people have begun to write about this film as lacking structure or story, and in saying that I'm afraid they may have missed the point. This is a story about ambiguity of self, about dislocation, about ambivalence to war and love, about sexual frustration. In these terms, I think Mendes & Co. have found the perfect way to cinematically allow us to experience the same sort of blank complexity that Swofford must have felt. And that's why I find this a remarkable adaptation of a memoir that I admire deeply.

I could go on and list scene after scene that make this a memorable film, but I'll let you experience it yourself and decide for yourself. In summation, JARHEAD is a viscerally unforgiving, psychologically heartbreaking masterpiece.

performance bonus Friday, March 24, 2006, 07:42 p.m. #1069

Been busy lately, setting papers, marking books, attending meetings, giving tuitions to weaker students... And the most meaningful thing out of all these is of course the tuition - when I got time to see the weaker students and attend to them one-to-one... I wouldn't feel tired or hungry even without lunch or staying with them for hours... I mean, that is why I came into teaching - to help those who WANT to study. (Doesn't matter if they're quick or slow in understanding, as long as they WANT to learn, I'll be glad to help.) Under normal classroom situations, I'll usually be unable to cater to these "slower" students. And as teachers, we usually have so many other things to do besides our CORE concern that we are often forced to lose our focus. Sometimes we even forget why we came into teaching...

But there's something which is troubling me, despite all that above talk (as if I am so high and noble). My colleague got a much higher performance bonus than me. And she's always been the one shunning from duties and complaining about every single thing under the sun. Seriously I do not care for the monetary difference of our PB, but the fact that she got a higher PB implies that I am not a harder worker than she is. Which I totally disagree. I may not be the ultra-passionate teacher who radiates warmth and has a halo above the head, but I don't think I am a lousy teacher either. And PB is supposed to have been decided by a panel of key appointment holders. Does that mean that in their eyes, I am really just a slacker? That I am not contributing very much to the teaching service? Just feeling a little... dejected.

crop circles Tuesday, March 21, 2006, 08:44 p.m. #1068

Sis and I suddenly thought of viewing the "lengendary" crop circles on Google Earth, so we went on a short frantic search for them on the world map. Although we have seen so many of them in documentaries and pictures, but how can we be sure that those are authentic? At least I know for sure that Google Earth is 100% reliable... This is one of the gorgeous crop circles in Darfield, UK, as seen on Google Earth. Isn't it breathtaking?

the demon amongst us Monday, March 20, 2006, 08:56 p.m. #1067

A long overdue entry. Called up a mother last week to talk about the results of her daughter C, only to realise that the biggest problem with C is not her atrocious results, but her attitude towards her mother.

While C seems to be a pleasant girl in school, she is apparently a devil at home. Not only does she hurl vulgarities at her mother on a daily basis, she has also threatened to commit suicide and even tried to slash her mother when they quarrelled. Come to think of it, I shouldn't be too surprised. C uses vulgarities quite freely on her blog (initially I thought she's just "acting cool" to gain peer acceptance), and she has also once placed superglue on the seat of a classmate whom she hates (I didn't pursue the matter after I made her apologise and clean up the chair). The mother has become so badly tormented by her daughter that she cried on the phone and asked me to help her find a counsellor (not for C, but for HER). She said that she has sent C for counselling before, but that only made C hate her more, and C always acted fine during counselling but would continue to abuse her at home. The mother has been crying every night, for years. The father spends most of the time working overseas, and according to the mother, he has no control over his daughter as well.

What is the world coming to? A mother who is afraid of her own daughter!... And C is like a time-bomb under covers, behaving so normally with the rest of the class, and I can't tell how she is influencing her peers... Arranged a family counsellor for C's mother, by the way.

the new term awaits Sunday, March 19, 2006, 08:36 p.m. #1066

The March holidays are over! And I haven't even had a good rest yet. Besides the slightly freer Friday night and Saturday, I have been working for the rest of the week. Even on Saturday, I was busy attending guitar lessons and buying books in bulk for students (with the much-appreciated help from WK). Today's the last day of the holidays and I had to start setting mid-year exam papers (deadline is two weeks away). The following two weeks are going to be a mad rush to juggle between lessons, CCA, meetings, setting of papers, making of corporate video and tons of impromptu admin. Wish me good luck.

area 51 Saturday, March 18, 2006, 10:44 p.m. #1065

Every experience on Bus 51 has always been terrible. Usually it's the smell of foreign workers, but this time it's worse.

Watched Ding's ruanzu concert at NAFA Foundation Theatre (it was so-so), then took Bus 51 home at the end of it. First there was this man who was half-dressed. His shirt was unbuttoned, and he was baring his front and one shoulder (see picture). His long hair was in a mess and there were some unknown objects in it (I swear I saw something move in his hair). Every now and then, he would jerk in a quirky manner, very much like Sadako. Quite freaky really. Then there was this smell in the air. I couldn't tell where it came from (and I didn't want to say that it's from the weird guy since I had no proof) but the smell was extremely pungent - the kind of smell which DEMANDS your attention and the kind which you can't just hope that you'll get used to. It was like the Concentrate of the Concentrate of Urine (CCU), and it's ten times worse than the stench of a chao recruit.

It was so horrible that it couldn't possibly be human. For a while I thought I was going to die cos it could be some sadistic terrorists' gas.

Then came the saviour - a Malay lady in full purple. The moment she boarded the bus, she opened up a box of fried food and started eating, and the oily smell managed to cover the unbearable stench. However, this only lasted for a while as she soon finished her food. Then, this lady began to act weirdly as well. She started to laugh uncontrollably and talk to an invisible person in front of her. I was like, oh no, am I the only normal person on the bus??! And for the rest of the journey (with the smell of CCU still in the air), I had to suppress my urge of vomitting by hanging on to the scent of any faint trace of powder or perfume, and I tried to maintain my sanity by getting myself to sleep. Still recovering from the trauma now...

stone settlers Saturday, March 18, 2006, 01:16 a.m. #1064

After attending a useless course for two long days and calling up parents during my free time, I decided that I needed a break. Had dinner at Stonegrill with Edmund, Eileen, Zhangli and Catherine. The food and price were average, only that the idea of eating food off a hot slab of stone might have been quite novel (although I couldn't stop thinking what would happen if I were to accidentally touch the slabs - they were still sizzling when we finished our dinner AND ended our long chat). My only serious complaint was that the portions were far too small.

Then Catherine left and the rest of us went to Settlers Cafe, where we played boardgames till midnight (a nice place to hang out at a very low price) and had a few battles of the sexes. Our conclusion was, men are generally nice and forgiving, while women are vicious and unscrupulous. Luckily at the end of the day, good triumphed against evil. :)

munich Wednesday, March 15, 2006, 12:39 p.m. #1063

Watched Munich. While it's a movie about real events with a strong theme of terrorism and lots of graphic violence, I didn't feel for it at all. I thought the editing was all-over-the-place, and the 3-hour length was totally unnecessary. Maybe my expectations were too high.

the grand plan Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 11:46 p.m. #1062

School holidays aren't meant for teachers. Out of the five supposed-holidays, we're working on four of them. Had a pointless Innovation Activist meeting with the principal today. And an even worse full-day TLLM Workshop (Teach Less Learn More) yesterday:




Yeah, it seemed like we had fun. But that's about it. We had fun and that's it. Learnt nothing new at all. Much like what The Authority has been preaching about TLLM: teach less, allow the students to explore, have more creativity, instill more fun... At the end of the day, can anyone be sure that the students are learning? Or is it just fun and nothing is being learnt? TLLM probably works in the context of U.S., where students choose what they want to study and are thus motivated to explore on their own. It also probably works in better schools where time, money and students' ability permit such a GRAND idea. (Even in RGS where the students are supposed to be bright, they admitted that in project work, more time is wasted than is actually spent on meaningful work.) But for neighbourhood schools like us? Teach less? Learn more?? You sure or not??! I totally agree that TLLM will be one of the many pedagogies that we can use in our lessons, but to make TLLM a MUST is just ridiculous.

And when we teachers surfaced the problems that we face when carrying out this grand TLLM idea, we got such an answer from the principal, "There is this and this system in place already", FULLSTOP. For goodness' sake, the fact that the problems still persist shows that the system is not working! So how are we going to improve the situation?? After a series of finger-pointing and a whole lot of "oh, you all must understand our side of the story", we were back to square one where nothing was resolved. In an environment where problems simply get filed up and written under "AFI" (and soon forgotten), how can we confidently say that we are professionals? The funniest thing was when the P said, "I am a whole-brain. According to an official test, I use my left and right brain equally well." For someone who neither feels for her staff nor solves problems logically, I wonder how accurate such tests are (and how self-deluded the speaker must be).

Sure, we had fun yesterday, and we filled up the feedback forms at the end of the day to gauge the relevance of the workshop (yes, the forms will inevitably be FILED UP again), but I guess I'd rather spend the time sleeping at home since no insights were gained. And I'm not the only skeptical one. Out of 10 teachers, 9 think that such workshops are a waste of time (but 7 will still pretend that it's useful).

And we are still expected to carry out that GRAND plan of TLLM. How sweet.

crash Sunday, March 12, 2006, 12:44 p.m. #1061

After watching Crash, I fully understood why Brokeback Mountain didn't win in the Oscars. Both are worthy, but they're really of different categories. Crash is a deeply moving movie with a Message, where we face the paranoia, ironies, insensibilities and horrors of racism with unsettling nerves. By telling the stories of several characters of different racial backgrounds in the span of two "bad days", the movie thrashes at how the society has created various stereotypes for people of different backgrounds and how this has affected their judgment, beliefs and actions. It does get overdramatic at some points, and it's indeed one dramatic moment after another when it gets to the middle (what else do you expect - that's Hollywood), but that is probably the impact which the movie intends to make - how simple prejudice can just oversensitise and mess up everything. I can guarantee there will be more tears shed for this movie than for Brokeback. The ensemble cast is brilliant. The editing is amazing. The music is great... Kathleen York's In The Deep... *speechless* Very intimate and touching - reminds me of Aimee Mann in Magnolia, and that is a compliment.

Here's the plot summary, taken from imdb.com since I couldn't have written it better:

Several stories interweave during two days in Los Angeles involving a collection of inter-related characters: a black police detective with a drugged-out mother and a thieving younger brother, two car thieves who are constantly theorizing on society and race, a distracted district attorney and his angry pampered wife, a racist veteran cop who disgusts his more idealistic younger partner, a successful black Hollywood director and his wife who must deal with the racist cop, a Persian-immigrant father who buys a gun to protect his shop, a Hispanic locksmith and his young daughter who is afraid of bullets, and more. For two days in Los Angeles, a racially and economically diverse group of people pursue lives that collide with one another in unexpected ways. These interactions are always interesting, and sometimes quite unsettling. The film explores and challenges your ability to judge books by their covers.

This should be a textbook movie for all schools (just censor the brief nudity) when discussing issues on racism.

ptc and bbq Saturday, March 11, 2006, 07:24 p.m. #1060

Sat for my ABRSM Grade 5 Theory exam at Capitol Centre in the morning, then took a cab to school for the Parent-Teacher Conference. Luckily I had Kenneth and Shariffah to cover me in the morning, or else I'd have serious trouble excusing myself to take the exam... Anyway the PTC went well. Except for one parent who rattled on nonstop about how lousy some teachers were, the rest were really nice people (no wonder her daughter fared so badly - talk about shifting responsibilites...). But some of them didn't turn up and made me wait until 4 pm for nothing. Good thing I had the student helpers (Dhabitah, Gwendolyn, etc) to chat with, or I'd have died of boredom.

Here are the pictures taken yesterday at the EC's BBQ at Downtown East, as promised:

done Friday, March 10, 2006, 11:21 p.m. #1059

Just got home from EC's BBQ at Downtown East. So tired, shall upload the pictures another day... Here's a peek at my to-do list for today (and this does not include my marking load and teaching periods yet):

mean kids Thursday, March 9, 2006, 07:37 p.m. #1058

Been very busy lately, and it's impossible for me to even TRY to list down the things I have been busy with. A typical day starts at 5.30 am and ends at 7.30 pm when I reach home (if I didn't take the cab, it'd be 30 minutes more). How many jobs have such long working hours?? It's also not just about the long hours, but the amount of emotional labour as well...

And the saddest thing is, some students can be so unappreciative. My colleague, B, was heartbroken when he found out that one of his students from his form class blogged about him and called him BLOODY B. That student also gave nasty names to other teachers and commented that one teacher looks like a pervert when he smiles. To think that we teachers are working so hard, often voluntarily sacrificing our own personal lives (we could have just left them to rot on their own), but what do we get in return? What right do these kids have, to give us names and judge our ability, when every single thing we're doing is for their sake, but we get misunderstood and scolded behind our backs?

Oh well.

transamerica Monday, March 6, 2006, 07:23 p.m. #1057

Felicity Huffman proves that she doesn't need to rely on her fame as Lynette Scavo (in the Desperate Housewives) to show her worth. She shines as the transsexual Bree in Transmerica (2005), the little film that is both sad and funny in a very subtly touching way. In the movie, Bree finds that she has a son Toby (Kevin Zegers) just when she's about to go for the operation to transform her into a real woman, and she drives him off to find his stepfather so that she can go on with the operation. A very enjoyable movie that light-heartedly handles the dilemma and struggles between the "father" and son. Many nice subplots that touch on how the society views transsexuals, but they never get overly preachy and heavyweight. Watch it. :)

much ado about nothing (music, actually) Monday, March 6, 2006, 03:31 p.m. #1056

Many people always ask me, why do you take up so many music lessons? Violin, guitar, music theory, and now piano... how do you find time? And is it worth the time and money?

I guess music is a hobby which I've always wanted to pursue. When I was young, my parents could not afford to give me music lessons. They also didn't think that music was "worth the money", even when my aunt offered to buy me a piano, they rejected her kindness. They were right to some extent. I managed to concentrate on my studies and got to where I am now, and I am grateful that they have set the priorities right. If I had taken music lessons back then, I'd probably have a busier childhood and I might not be able to juggle so many things at one time. However this "regret" has always bugged me whenever I see young musicians playing onstage. I've always wanted to be a music-person but I never had the chance...

Which is why I took up all these music lessons the moment I started working. In fact, I started guitar lessons back in my university days when I had extra savings to spare. Afterall I have already wasted twenty years of my life - I cannot afford to waste any more time! At the first violin lesson with Michelle, I told her I'm already twenty-plus and I have no time to lose, and I want to clear Grade 8 violin as soon as possible - she was quite shocked initially by my arrogance and impatience but my diligence convinced her later on that I'm serious and I'm willing to put in the necessary effort to achieve my target. Now she's even planning for me how I can go on to diploma and performance grades.

But I have placed my Chinese Orchestral roots aside for the time being. I was glad that I could start learning music in secondary school through the Chinese Orchestra, where I paid very little to take lessons at Shangyin, and Chinese Orchestra is something which I have held on for over ten years, for my deep love for the instruments (liuqin and ruan) and the reluctance to let go. I vividly remember a conversation several years ago, when Mr Zhang CH met up with me to discuss about my composition Memories of the Clock Tower, and he asked me a few questions:

CH: So, have you been upgrading yourself recently?

Me: Upgrading? What do you mean?

CH: Musically... like expanding your horizons in composing and your skills in instruments? Are you under any teacher right now?

Me: Hmm, no... No teachers... Just practising on my own, and still in BH...

CH: Then wouldn't you remain stagnant?

It was a very harmless piece of conversation - I guess Mr Zhang wouldn't even remember it. But his questions woke me up in a way... If music is something which I love and want to carry on with, shouldn't I be improving myself, instead of merely staying in the comfort zone, contented with whatever musical background and technical skills I already have?

That was one reason why I decided to put Chinese Orchestra aside for the time being. It is my "first and true love" and it will always remain so, and I will surely return to it. But I want to explore right now, so that I am a "fuller" person musically. Back to the question of whether all this is "worth the time and money": If I can use time and money to exchange for happiness and self-fulfillment, why not? Now that I can indulge in two of the greatest passions of my life (teaching and music), what more can I ask for? :)

remembrances Sunday, March 5, 2006, 08:52 p.m. #1055

聆听《雨中情》、《钟楼叙忆》，又勾起了不少回忆。

the unknown school Saturday, March 4, 2006, 08:55 p.m. #1054

Met up with primary school friends and Mr Shue at Grand Hyatt for Chang's wedding yesterday night. Not much updates since the last time we met last year, and as usual, I had to explain what and where my workplace is as nobody knew the school (although I explain this every year when we meet). I even had to resort to saying that one of the Campus Superstar finalists comes from my school. Hui didn't have this problem as she teaches at RGS. :/

Oh, by the way, the principal has finally acknowledged K for her participation in Campus Superstar now that she has entered the semifinals. She announced the good news over flag-raising and urged the school to support her 'live' at the studio in her next round of competition. Heard she rejected the journalists' interviews earlier as she only supported academic achievements and not such youngsters' fads. Hurhur.

the little gestures of kindness Saturday, March 4, 2006, 03:06 p.m. #1053

A nice meaningful blog entry written by Stone:

It's surprising sometimes how we learn from the least expected of sources.

In the army, I shared a bunk with this Indian friend S. Though we were bunk mates, I guess we didn't know each other that well. When I went out-of-course, as a part of the course was still on-going, they didn't move me out. So I continued staying with S for the next few weeks.

We no longer shared the same routines, as I went to help out in the store and gained the priviledge of staying up late with no lights-out time, as well as waking up late with a very late reveille time. So my store friends and I would do boliao things like take walks around camp, chit chat in the store, explore NTU even late in the night, and when I got back, S still wouldn't be back most of the time. (Training, being training, was beyond bad.)

During that time I rarely saw him at night in the bunk. He would come back when I was asleep, and he would leave the room when I was still sleeping.

One morning, I woke up while he was still in the room. He was groping about in the dark preparing to leave. I inferred he had been doing this all the time - not daring to use the lights or make much noise in case he woke me up each night and morning. And I was very touched, and guilty that I couldn't be more thankful.

I know how hard it is to settle the stuff he had to in the dark, without noise too! In the army, speed is a trade-off against noise. The fastest way to clear a rifle is to pull-pull-pull-shoutclear-look-slap-slap. Very noisy. The fastest way to let go of something is to just drop it from waist level to the ground. Very noisy - and good for the back too since you don't have to bend down. The fastest way to get dressed is to do it naturally. Not very noisy, but it really requires some effort if you remember that it includes putting on the webbing full of metal stuff attached to it like the bayonet, the fullpack with the straps and clips, and the boots which are heavy and make a sound each time they touch the tiles on the floor.

So to keep the volume to a minimum, S had to go about all this very slowly indeed. He might be cursing his luck why he had me for a roommate, but if he did, he never showed it.

So that morning he said bye, and left the room again.

This really left a deep impression on me. I mean, it's really the logical thing to do when you have a sleeping buddy in your room, but I guess many people don't do it.

So in the lab now, I always make a conscious effort to check if anyone is sleeping when I arrive each morning before switching on the lights. Today I forgot. And sure enough my friend was sleeping here.

Guilty... But he's a deep sleeper, so that's not too bad.

You must really believe too that I am typing this post in the dark. My typing skills are really not bad even though I don't touch-type... Haha...

the week of accidents Friday, March 3, 2006, 09:52 a.m. #1052

The March holidays are coming soon - not that I'll be enjoying much of it anyway with all the courses and meetings that I have to attend. But this is still a much-anticipated break from school (and all the miscellaneous work that comes along with it).

The past week has been a week of accidents for the students. Jun had a car accident and needed an operation on his wrist, Jer got a huge cut on his forehead when a door in the school toilet swung into him, and Wal seriously burnt his hands and thighs when he... upset his cup noodles. -_-

teaching students beyond their assumed ability Thursday, March 2, 2006, 03:38 p.m. #1051

This was my Reflective Teacher Portfolio for the month:

My Environment Club is participating in the National Weather Study Project, and one of the participating teams is working on the topic "The Relationship between Temperature and the Number of Sleepy Students". The team did a survey for two weeks to find out the number of dozing classmates at various times of the day, and managed to get a lot of raw data. After that, I got the students to plot two curves - one of the temperature against time, and another of the number of sleeping students against time, hoping that the curves would have a similar shape and we could then establish an approximate conclusion that temperature and sleepiness are related.

To our horror, the shapes of the graphs looked radically different, and a general trend could not be established at all. Then I recalled that I learnt a statistical method during my university days - the Spearman's Rank Correlation Coefficient - and thought that we could use this to find a correlation amongst the seemingly unrelated variables. However, my major concern was that this was a method which I learnt in the university! Will secondary school students be able to understand the method if I attempt to teach them? Moreover my students are in the Normal Academic stream... Will they be able to appreciate the method and apply it?

After much deliberation and research, I simplified the statistical method into a sheet of summarised notes which stated the procedures of applying the method in point form. During one of the project discussion sessions, I spent an hour teaching two boys (who were in charge of the "analysis" part of the project) to use the method and plowing through the massive data laboriously with them. When I have guided them in the initial part and felt that they were confident enough to go on their own, I left the boys alone to work on the rest of the data. After much tedious and hard work, the boys managed to prove mathematically that temperature is indeed related to sleepiness!

Both the students and I were thrilled (I almost jumped in joy) when we finally managed to get a desirable result after the long process of learning and hard work. Initially I doubted whether the students would be interested to learn, or that they would not be able to understand, but I have clearly underestimated them. Not only have they shown much interest, they were able to absorb the new knowledge very quickly. Throughout the process, they were extremely enthusiastic and even volunteered to bring my notes home to study and get familiarized with the complicated formula.

From this experience, I learnt that we should never be too ready to assume that our students "cannot do it". For this instance, the Spearman's Rank Correlation Coefficient may be university-level mathematics, but the students have been able to make sense of it and apply it to do something meaningful in real life! That's more gratifying and rewarding for both teachers and students than learning the syllabus! When I first started teaching the students, they themselves doubted whether they could understand. However, I encouraged them and tried to convince them that the method was something useful which they could apply in their real life. We pushed on - both teacher and students. Gradually the students saw some relevance when they opened their minds, and they started to feel more excited when they tried out the method and it seemed to work...

Perseverance and confidence are indeed the keys to learning and teaching. And the fruits are wondrously worth the challenge. I will surely bear this in mind.