ancient dance | Saturday, July 31, 2004 @ 08:05 p.m. Went to school for an Emergency Exercise briefing, then to YMS Arts Centre for the Edvox violin recital. Played Ancient Dance by Liubovsky, with piano accompaniment done by Hower. No major mistakes, but fumbled a bit and went out of tune at one part. Stayed for the rest of the recital when my part was over, but took out papers to mark towards the end. Marked more papers later on the bus as there was a jam (and that was after half an hour of waiting at the busstop) and managed to finish marking two classes of Science quiz.

procession | Friday, July 30, 2004 @ 11:19 p.m. The procession. Everything's finally over. I am so tired.

next busstop | Thursday, July 29, 2004 @ 09:18 a.m. Just came back from staying the night at grandma's wake. Was with 4th uncle, his wife and my 1st cousin. Talked about my cousin's dream about grandpa, our old house, our primary and secondary school days, our parents, students nowadays, teaching... Well, as we had nothing to do except to sit around for 8 hours, I guess we pretty much talked about everything under the sun. I proved to be the most vigilant - towards the end of the 8 hours, they were already taking short naps, but I was doing my music theory workbook. Took a bath when I finally reached home this morning, then sis called to say she forgot to bring her wallet and she's at "the next busstop", so I walked to the next busstop with her wallet but to my horror, she was at the next busstop in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION, so I made a U-turn back and eventually met up with her. That'd certainly been quite a bit of walking. *still panting*

chant | Wednesday, July 28, 2004 @ 09:14 a.m. Yesterday had been a tiring day. Went back to school as usual, arranged for relief for my next 3 days of UPA leave, helped to facilitate the Recycling workshop at the science lab, attended the DM (from MOE) conversation session, then went to grandma's wake at my 4th uncle's place. There was a chanting ceremony where all of us went through repetitions of kneeling, sitting and standing on a large mat while the priests chanted from the Buddhist scriptures. The lady chanting to the mic went off-tune at times, but the music was generally very settling and peaceful. My little cousin Yuhan enjoyed himself, dancing and twisting his hips to the rhythm of the melodic chants, oblivious to the solemn mood of the ceremony. There was a butterfly on the wall above her coffin, and I had a feeling that was grandma looking at us - her offsprings offering our final respects on the mat.

grandma died | Monday, July 26, 2004 @ 10:45 p.m. Four hours ago, my paternal grandmother passed away in the hospital. Only my 3rd uncle (one of her favorite sons) and cousin Yinghui (daughter of her adopted daughter) were at her deathbed when she heaved her last breath. All her sons and daughters (and us grandsons and granddaughters) came together - most of us haven't seen each other for years - there was a short agitated argument about differences in religions and decisions, but it was rather quickly resolved. I didn't feel as affected as when my grandfather died - I haven't been as close to my grandma, moreover she had been sick for years so all of us already had mental preparations. My sis said she was shocked the last time when she saw me suddenly cry on seeing my dead grandpa (she'd never seen me cry so badly before, except when dad caned me when I was really small, and then when I grew older I never cried no matter how hard my dad hit me). This time, I consciously told myself I shall not cry. When I saw my grandma's cold and sunken face, strangely, I really didn't feel much. A life has ended. It is indeed very sad. But no tears came. Life goes on.

叶子 | Sunday, July 25, 2004 @ 12:48 p.m. >叶子 - 陈晓娟/阿桑< 叶子 是不会飞翔的翅膀 翅膀 是落在天上的叶子 天堂 原来应该不是妄想 只是我早已经遗忘 当初怎麽开始飞翔 孤单 是一个人的狂欢 狂欢 是一群人的孤单 爱情 原来的开始是陪伴 但我也渐渐地遗忘 当时是怎样有人陪伴 我一个人 吃饭 旅行 到处走走停停 也一个人 看书 写信 自己对话谈心 只是心又飘到了哪里 就连自己看也看不清 我想我不仅仅是失去你

那些花儿 | Sunday, July 25, 2004 @ 12:31 p.m. >那些花儿 - 朴树< 那片笑声让我想起我的那些花儿 在我生命每个角落静静为我开着 我曾以为我会永远守在她身旁 今天我们已经离去在人海茫茫 她们都老了吧 她们在哪里呀 幸运的是我 曾陪她们开放 想她 她还在开吗 去呀 她们已经被风吹走 散落在天涯 有些故事还没讲完那就算了吧 那些心情在岁月中已经难辩真假 如今这里荒草丛生没有了鲜花 好在曾经拥有你们的春秋和冬夏 她们都老了吧 她们在哪里呀 幸运的是我 曾陪她们开放 想她 她还在开吗 去呀 她们已经被风吹走 散落在天涯 你们就象被风吹走 插在了天涯 她们都老了吧 她们还在开吗 我们就这样 各自奔天涯

june | Friday, July 23, 2004 @ 06:38 p.m. Attended the SPA (Science Practical Assessment) course from Tuesday to Thursday. Met a few of my NIE friends: Shirley, Lin How, Lai Lee, Thiam Soon, Ken, Yit Siang, Seng Loong; and made a new friend, Jolyne. Jolyne is a very jovial and straightforward person who can be very serious when she means business. She was very surprised when I correctly guessed that she's a fierce teacher who accepts no nonsense from students as her friends always feel that she would be the bo-chup type. Three days of lessons had been quite tiring, but they were heaven compared to the battles we have to fight in school. June came and tell me she would want some specific Sec 1 students to be allocated to Chinese Dance next year... The "Dance Troupe" has been set up this year, and it is divided into three branches. For the Sec 1s, they are supposed to take turns to go through my branch of Contemporary Dance (a new CCA), June's Chinese Dance and Noreen's Malay Dance, then the 20 of them will be branched into one of these 3 dances when they go on to Sec 2 next year (that is, about 6 will go to each dance), depending on their preferences. However, since the beginning of the year till now, the Sec 1s have been doing Contemporary Dance. June told me her Chinese instructor could not handle too many members so she didn't want the Sec 1s to "disrupt" the progress of her present Chinese dancers. Noreen told me she has many competitions this year and the present Malay dancers want to concentrate on training and there is no time for the Malay instructor to teach the Sec 1s. As this is the first year for my Contemporary Dance, we are naturally free and have no competitions and so we have been gladly taking charge of the Sec 1s. Yet, now, June is telling me she needs more dancers next year as she is taking part in SYF, and she asks for the BEST and most-promising dancers in the Sec 1 cohort to go over to her Chinese Dance immediately so that they can start practising for SYF. I am quite cross because she didn't want to "entertain" the Sec 1s all along, and then suddenly now she wants to dig the best dancers away. I have asked the Sec 1s, in fact all 20 of them want to stay in Contemporary Dance. And they are my pioneer batch, if June is to take all the best dancers away, then I will be having all the "trash" as my pioneers?? I am thinking of using drawing of names as that is the fairest in my opinion, but I am quite sure June will object. She tells me that her head will roll if she can't win in SYF next year. Then what about me? Won't my head roll if my Contemporary Dance dies after its first year?... Grr...

hello stranger | Tuesday, July 20, 2004 @ 10:41 p.m. >Hello Stranger - Damian Yeo< Hello Stranger, You look strangely familiar... Have I met you somewhere before? Did we meet some glorious years ago... And embarked on something we'd never known! Something that would last for generations to behold! Hello Stranger, So we've actually met again! You know... Maybe it's fate, you and I... Meeting so often, living our separate lives... Yet constantly walking together, never alone. Hello Stranger, Though now we aren't so unfamiliar as before ... The few often happy, delightful times spent together... Have sealed a bond between us... Something special, strange, unique and great... That will last for all the approaching, coming days! Hello Stranger, How about hanging out this holiday? Let's go out, have a blast of a time and chase those nasty blues away! Let's enjoy our life, adieu bona fide... It's Viva la France I say! Hello Stranger, Why the gloomy face? Carpie Diem! Seize the Day! Don't worry! Everything will end someday! Walk on bravely, with courage and all... You can count on my help all along the way. Hello Stranger, Did you call to say "Hi"? Oh really! Well done! I've always knew you'll achieve great things! Go live your dreams, go spread your wings... And I'll smile for you all the way... From this dank, little cold cave of mine... Hello Stranger, Could you spare me some time? No? Not free? It's okay then... I think I can do just fine... No, it's alright really, I don't mind... I'll do it alone, all night... Hello Stranger, You've come to say "Goodbye"? When are you leaving? So fast? So soon! Oh sure, I'll take care of myself alright! I'll try to catch up, to see you real soon... I'll try to make it some day in time... Hello Stranger, I did it! I've made it! What, you aren't there anymore? Where are you? When did you leave? Why didn't you tell me, not even a call... Don't you care about friendship anymore? Hello Stranger... You're just walking away... You've just turned a corner without a single glance back. I guess it's over... Poof! Snap! Whack! So much for that "Special Bond" I say... Hello Stranger, You look vaguely familiar... Have I met you somewhere before? Did we meet some glorious years ago... And embarked on something we'd never known... Something that was supposed to last for generations to behold?

tears | Sunday, July 18, 2004 @ 09:01 p.m. Visited grandma at AMK Hospital. She's now so thin that I could see her bones. Though her skin was smooth and white like a baby, there were wounds everywhere and many areas were wrapped up due to abrasion and inflammation. She can no longer open her eyes nor move an inch. Her limbs and fingers are curled up and cannot straighten anymore. I wonder how she feels right now. Does she have consciousness? Does she know the state she is in? The tears around her eyes - was she crying, or she couldn't control her tear ducts anymore? Treated the family to lunch at Crystal Jade, and happened to come across Sky Wu and Jeff Zhang at J8, then went to watch Tae Guk Gi (Brotherhood) with sis. It was good, and it's probably the best and most graphic Asian war movie ever made considering its grand scale and special effects.

zhengrui | Saturday, July 17, 2004 @ 08:03 p.m. Cleanathon. Brought 2E1 to a few neighbouring blocks to pick and sweep up litter. It was generally quite a fun trip and the kids enjoyed themselves. Called Zhengrui's mother. Zhengrui lost his school fund donation card and I have asked him to make a police report last week. He claimed that he already did but he forgot to bring the police report. Had to call his mother as he kept saying that he forgot to bring every time I asked him for it. After talking to Mrs Ho, I realised that Zrui had been lying all along. Zrui did not make a police report at all, and he could have used the donation card to collect money and then pocketed the money himself. Mrs Ho told me that Zrui has on many occasions stolen money from his friends. He also lied to me about having to cook at home and that his siblings are mistreating him. Apparently, he has been extremely rebellious and rude to his elder siblings, and the parents have already given up hope on him as he has not shown any sign of repentence despite them having tried both soft and hard approach (counselling didn't work either as Zrui would find excuses to escape from counselling sessions). Zrui never thought that what he did was wrong, and he always got away with his mistakes as his father and the teachers were always forgiving and thought that he should be given chances as he's still young. Mrs Ho told me that she wants very badly to send her son to a boys' home, as she feels that the parents no longer have control over him, and he is growing from bad to worse, resorting in stealing, lying and acting - he would pretend to cry and beg for forgiveness whenever he made mistakes. I know this is true because Zrui has once cried and begged me not to tell his parents when I found that he stole $50 from Ernest's house. As we talked, Mrs Ho became very agitated over the phone, and she told me she's been suffering from mental depression because of this child. She said Mr Ho has already given up hope on the child and doesn't even care to scold Zrui anymore, however she said she could not simply not care, as she didn't want her son to become a menace to the society in the future - she said both her husband and herself have some medical problems and will not live very long, she didn't want to leave the world while leaving behind a monster. I explained to Mrs Ho that sending Zrui to a boys' home might adversely affect his future but Mrs Ho was firm about sending him to a boys' home and wanted me to help her find out how the school can support her in this. But is Zrui really beyond help? Will going to a boys' home truly help him? I am at a loss of what to do.

thrilled | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 @ 06:05 p.m. Just received an overseas call that made my day. My long wait will be over next week!

cool rainy day | Monday, July 12, 2004 @ 09:52 p.m. It should have been a super-tiring day - six consecutive periods of lesson followed by an hour of Physics makeup without lunch, then two hours of tuition with Darren at home, but I am still very energetic right now. The kind of students makes the difference. None of the 3E2 students complained when I said I needed to makeup for missing two Mondays and all of them turned up today - luckily the day was quite cool cos of the rain, the makeup wasn't too drowsy. And Darren was also very enthusiastic in his revision and practised real hard on his problems during the tuition session. Teaching motivated students rejuvenates me.

彼岸花 | Sunday, July 11, 2004 @ 09:24 p.m. >彼岸花 - 林夕/王菲< 看见的 熄灭了 消失的 记住了 我站在 海角天涯 听见 土壤萌芽 等待 昙花再开 把芬芳 留给年华 彼岸 没有灯塔 我依然 张望着 天黑 刷白了头发 紧握着 我火把 他来 我对自己说 我不害怕 我很爱他

talent-spotting | Sunday, July 11, 2004 @ 04:47 p.m. Maybe I have an eye for great things, or I bring luck to the things I like, or they were all coincidences, obscure things around me that catch my attention always soon become well-known to everyone. One very good example is the great novel, The Lord of The Rings, of which anyone who is into fantasy or literature should know before the movies were made. I remember reading the book a long time ago and Youx asked me what book it was. When I told him it's the greatest fantasy book ever written, he was skeptical and said he's never heard of the book nor its author even although he reads fantasy novels. Soon after I finished reading the book, there were news that Peter Jackson was contemplating making a movie out of this famous epic, and LOTR soon became a household name that none didn't know. Youx became a fervid fan of LOTR and now knows more details about the saga than I do. I may have forecasted the fame of Faye Wong and Jay Chou too. I bought their albums when they were still unknowns, and my friends who saw me listening to them over my portable CD player (it used to be "in" to carry your CD player everywhere you go) would ask me who they were, and I would tell them about the excellent music of Faye and Jay but nobody would believe me - I remember Ryun saying, "You are really supportive of unknown artistes hor?" Months after I could sing their songs from repeated listening, they became international stars and everyone jumped on the bandwagon to worship them. I am probably just too egocentric and think everything happens because of me BUT maybe I should start a talent-spotting company or something... :)

quote | Thursday, July 8, 2004 @ 06:01 p.m. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again. - Sylvia Plath, poet (1932-1963)

intimidation | Wednesday, July 7, 2004 @ 03:27 p.m. Half of my form class was late for flagraising today. Scolded them in class and made them feel really miserable. When they got rowdy in the lab despite prior warning that they should keep quiet, I said something like, "Either you have a short memory, or your IQ is so low that you couldn't understand what I'd just said..." which I thought was quite mean. The cold/harsh treatment worked. The class behaved well. The attendance for the after-school activity - a Project Work meeting - was exceptionally good. This shows that students have to be intimidated and made frightened at times in order for them to stay on task. After the meeting, some students came to tell me they were so afraid of me today that they were very cautious the whole day in case they trigger my nerves. Haha.

evil songs | Tuesday, July 6, 2004 @ 10:31 p.m. I've found the way to sight-read fast! And that is to visualise the fingering of the scale in my mind while playing the piece. So excited. Can now sight-read and play almost instantly... just need to have more practice with pieces in B-flat, A and F. Just realised that nursey rhymes always end in tragedy, yet children are taught to sing them so happily... a bit sadistic huh? Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king's horses, and all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again Planting rice is never fun Bend from morn to the set of sun Cannot stand and cannot sit Cannot rest for a little bit 两只老虎 两只老虎 跑得快 跑得快 一只没有眼睛 一只没有尾巴 真奇怪 真奇怪 妹妹背着洋娃娃 走到花园来看花 娃娃哭了叫妈妈 树上小鸟笑哈哈 This last one is the worst - it feels like a horror story: A little girl carrying a doll went to the garden, the doll started crying for mom, and the bird on the tree laughed - such a devilish scene, don't you think?

bastogne | Monday, July 5, 2004 @ 06:39 p.m. Celebrated Zhiq's birthday at Yyun's house yesterday with Jj, Yj, Zew, Kel and Junb. While the girls watched Sweet Home Alabama, Zew shared his knowledge about insurance and investments with Junb and me. Finished watching Band of Brothers. My favorite episodes were #2 (Day of Days), #6 (Bastogne) and #7 (The Breaking Point). As the 10 episodes had different directors (Tom Hanks was one of them, but I didn't really like the episode which he directed), each episode had a different style and mood, but all revolve around the same characters and had a consistent storyline. As a result, we get to see the characters from various perspectives and at the same time catch a glimpse of the different facets of the atrocities of war. (By the way, the characters are REAL, some of them are still living to this day.) Many episodes were deeply touching, especially the Holocaust chapter, the Bastogne battle (where the most brutal battle was fought in a cinematographic snowing landscape), and scenes where soldiers were senselessly killed. The series portrays the soldiers not as saints, but as human who often found themselves in a world and a situation bigger than themselves. Guys (and probably some girls) will surely love this miniseries.

syfoc | Saturday, July 3, 2004 @ 09:47 p.m. SYF Opening Ceremony. In order to avoid a jam at National Stadium as 55,000 students would be going to attend the event, our school was required to arrive 4 hours earlier, so both teachers and students had to sit under the hot sun to wait for the ceremony to start. We teachers (Veronica, Suziana, Alimah, Wendy, Basheer, Bala, June, Ghazali) sat together and chatted throughout the long boring wait, and the ceremony turned out to be worth the wait. It was just like NDP, only that the performers and spectators were exclusively secondary and primary students, with choir-singing, flashcard displays, plane fly-pasts, parachute landings, mass dance displays and military band displays. Students from all over Singapore filled the stadium with a spectrum of colors (due to their differently colored uniforms), and the event really felt like a mini-NDP celebration for a privileged group of Singaporean youngsters. The students enjoyed themselves, cheering, dancing with the songs, and doing their own Kallang waves. As a subplot of the day, Donovan fell in love with a cute ice-cream girl, so his friends, Wenrong, Heider, and teachers like June, Veron and I encouraged him and even offered to help him get her contacts (at a tiny charge of $50 only). Donovan was so shy that he couldn't even open his mouth when he bought ice-cream from the girl. Though the girl made a few rounds and walked past us several times, Donovan still didn't manage to get her number. Haha. Getting out of the stadium was a challenge. June and I were in-charge of 19 students from our dance CCAs, and we had to squeeze through the crowd and eventually find our bus, which was parked in the middle of probably 1000 buses. After we got on the buses, we still had to wait for the buses in front of us to move out before we could. By the time we reached school, it was already 8 pm.

close | Saturday, July 3, 2004 @ 12:04 a.m. Was chatting with Kailiang (2E1 student) on MSN at first but ended up having a hearty chat with his 3 other primary school friends as well. My life is starting to revolve more and more around my students. The first rule of being a psychiatrist is to not get too involved with the patients; maybe this should apply to teachers too? We shouldn't get too close with our students?

grudge | Friday, July 2, 2004 @ 08:00 p.m. Just as I'd expected, Ms T did't think take our open discussion positively. She told Irene she couldn't understand why there were some people in the department who were always against her, and she said she knew these people were saying bad things behind her back and influencing us. Sigh. Why can't she accept the fact that she is not flawless?

awakened | Thursday, July 1, 2004 @ 10:29 p.m. 2E1 is suddenly showing a lot of enthusiasm for their work - they seem more attentive and inquisitive during my class. It could be due to the little talk I gave them when the term started, that this is the time to catch up and start revising bit by bit or else it will be too late if they only start studying in Term 4. Could also be because they were disppointed with their results last term and have finally decided to buck up. When I mentioned this to Victor, he said, "Maybe because we have matured?" It sounded a little funny when it came from a 14-year old but I did not laugh cos he looked really serious. Ya. Maybe they have matured? Whatever the reason, I hope they sustain this attitude and do well in the end.