HEROES, THEORIES AND REALITY
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 08:59 a.m. #1461

The second season of "Heroes" isn't as good as the first. The writers' strike caused it to be a very short season - could be a good thing after all as the messy start had to wrap up quickly to end with a rather satisfying finale.

Haven't been catching up with new albums, but Jamie Scott & The Town's "Park Bench Theories" is nice. Reminiscent of James Blunt, but less saccharine, less whiny, and more on-the-road rock.

Thursday's release of O level results was a happy occasion for me, standing among my students who were overjoyed with Physics distinctions and telling me about their future plans. But I was told the principal wasn't quite satisfied with the results of my classes. A little bothered, but I really didn't want to upset myself with figures that tell little about the reality of the students' abilities and those struggles that we'd gone through when I first took over them.

BONDED BY MUSIC
Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 10:40 a.m. #1460

Attended JB and YY's wedding yesterday at Novotel. Met up with many old orchestra friends. Throughout the dinner, several Chinese orchestral pieces were played. Tried recalling the names of those pieces, and I realised how distant I'd become from Chinese classical music.

In wedding dinners, it's quite common to have one of the couples playing an instrument for the other person (probably a romantic song), but this time, both JB and YY played together, JB on the dizi and YY on the yangqin - a Chinese piece which the general crowd probably didn't recognise. But the act of playing together had been really sweet - it was Chinese music which brought them together anyway, and I can imagine them still playing together as they grow old together.

STANDING ALONE
Sunday, January 20, 2008, 04:12 p.m. #1459



Went to visit my eldest uncle and cousin last Sunday. Played with my nephew (son of my other cousin), who is being looked after by my uncle and auntie as the boy's parents are perpetually overseas. The train in the picture seemed like his only toy and he talked to the train at times. It probably isn't that uncommon to see children talking to toys - until I saw how my cousin (whose wife just gave birth to a baby girl) treated the boy. When my nephew entered the baby's room where all of us were in, my cousin shouted "Get out!" at the poor little boy. I didn't understand why my cousin did that - the boy didn't even make a bit of noise when he came in! The frightened boy pouted with suppressed tears in his eyes, and walked out of the room quietly - in a manner which suggested that this happened all the time.

I have heard of how my cousin hates the boy, but I can never figure out why, when the boy seems so harmless. When I was playing with him, he sang and danced and showed off his vocabulary (albeit quietly) as he described the characters on those new stickers which we'd bought for him (and he stuck the stickers all over his toy train). He seemed happy then. But I could feel his loneliness and helplessness in his troubled eyes.

Monday was marked by an unhappy parent who wanted to complain about those "incompetent and unreasonable teachers" who don't deserve to be teachers and have tormented her son and caused her son to fail last year. She requested to meet the principal actually, but because the principal had another important meeting to attend, a panel of teachers (including me) was called up to listen to her. Of course, she wasn't pacified at the end of the meeting. She wanted to see someone who had the power to do something about those "black sheep". Some parents think they know more about education and pedagogies than teachers do. And some parents simply cannot accept the fact that there's something wrong with their child (and themselves) - they have to put the blame on the easy targets (us, powerless teachers) in order to make them feel better. The recent uproar about the principal's remark on ITE and Normal (Academic) students is a clear example, when parents jump at the chance to take the principal's words out of context without accepting the reality which is backed by cold, hard facts. Will there ever be a day when parents would fully cooperate with educators to provide their children with the best education?

Tuesday had been extremely dreary, with a meeting which stretched to 6 pm - 13 hours since the day started for me - and we didn't have time to do our own work. I hate meetings.



Wednesday was an even longer day. Enjoyable, but tiring. My Environment Club collaborated with my colleague's Art Club to make Chinese New Year decorations out of recycled materials. Quite fun actually - cutting out shapes to create lighting effects... I made a lantern with the Heroes symbol on it - didn't manage to finish it though - shall take a picture of it if I finish it next week and the final product is presentable.



After CCA, my colleagues and I went to the chalet organised by my last year's graduating class. The three of us were already dead tired after the long school day (and we still had some urgent work to do), but those students actually came to school a few days ago to deliver the invitation cards personally - we didn't want the kids to be disappointed. This, incidentally, was the day when my colleague cried in the staff room, and she came to the chalet as well. Seeing ex-students probably had a therapeutic effect on her as she seemed to have resumed her usual cheerful self. Of course, all of us teachers always appear happy and positive in front of students - who would have known the unseen burdens that we bear for the sake of these children? Have heard rumours that she might be leaving the teaching service at the end of this year. It's sad to see passionate teachers being disillusioned by the system... All of us start out wanting to be good teachers, but there're simply too many things that bog us down - despite the supposed "support" and pay revisions which have been flowerily painted by the media, we really often feel alone in the battle to help the kids... I really hope my colleague stays.

NOBODY KNOWS
Wednesday, January 16, 2008, 11:32 p.m. #1458

Have not been blogging much for the past two weeks because I really don't have much energy left by the end of every day. The days are becoming longer, and longer, and longer. And work is becoming more and more unbearable at times.

Take today for example. At 6 pm in the staff room (more than 12 hours since the day started for us), my colleague sat in front of her laptop, broke down and cried. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks as she continued her work on the laptop. No matter how we tried to console her, she couldn't stop sobbing. And she's supposed to be the most jovial and positive among all of us. Overwhelmed with work. Deadlines. Enough said.

ABSENT IN THE SPRING
Sunday, January 13, 2008, 10:02 a.m. #1457

From you have I been absent in the spring,
When proud-pied April, dress'd in all his trim,
Hath put a spirit of youth in every thing,
That heavy Saturn laugh'd and leap'd with him.
Yet nor the lays of birds, nor the sweet smell
Of different flowers in odour and in hue,
Could make me any summer's story tell,
Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew;
Nor did I wonder at the lily's white,
Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;
They were but sweet, but figures of delight,
Drawn after you, you pattern of all those.
Yet seem'd it winter still, and you away,
As with your shadow I with these did play.
(Sonnet 98, William Shakespeare)

"Absent in the Spring", by Mary Westmacott (better known as Agatha Christie). M mentioned this book in her blog and warned that it's extremely depressing to read. It truly is.

This is a story about a woman (Joan Scudamore) who's trapped in a desert after missing the train, and she had absolutely nothing to do except to think about her life. In her world, everyone else's life is "sad", she's the most blessed one, her family loves her, she is indispensable, and she makes sound decisions for the people around her and they're blessed because of her. When she finally realised that she's just a self-delusional tyrant who has ruined the lives of all her loved ones, and that everyone in fact hates her, she made resolutions to change herself once she's back to civilisation. However, when she got home, she soon convinced herself that she'd just been deliriously bored at the desert, and immediately settled back to her usual ways. People around her continued to pretend to be fine - they didn't want to hurt her, and she wouldn't understand otherwise anyway. The story ends with a thought in the mind of Joan's husband:

"You are alone and you always will be. But, please God, you'll never know it."

The story is indeed depressing. Especially when I realise how much I can actually identify with the character. How many times have I judged people based on my own selfish, convoluted standards? How many times have I reflected upon myself, and made promises to improve myself, but quickly reverted to my old ways because that's the easy thing to do?... You are alone and you always will be. But, please God, you'll never know it... I'd like to think that I'm not alone, and that I'll know it when I am.

But maybe I'm just being self-delusional.

MUCH ADO ABOUT THE RICE
Saturday, January 12, 2008, 06:19 p.m. #1456

What would you do if you're at an eating place and you see some food stuck on the neck of a stranger?

That's precisely what happened today when I was having my lunch at Yoshinoya. I was sitting one table away, opposite a relatively demure-looking girl in her early twenties. She was eating together with her two girl friends, and there was some sticky rice on her neck, just above her low-cut dress. Either her friends were blind, or they're jealous of her beauty and wanted her to look silly. The girls were chatting all the time, so it was really quite impossible for those two friends to not see that unsightly white lump on the girl's neck.

Throughout my meal I couldn't stop looking at the rice. I'm a neat freak, after all. If the girl had known that I was looking at her, she'd have thought that I was a pervert. But I don't think she noticed me as she was too engrossed with her conversation (I'm not so good-looking anyway).

Finally when I'd finished my lunch, I couldn't help but lightly waved at the girl to catch her attention. She looked a little freaked out when she noticed a stranger waving at her (I was wearing a cap which covered half of my face - I guess I probably did look like a pervert). I gestured at her neck. At first she looked puzzled and didn't understand what I meant. Then when she finally understood something was wrong with her neck, and while she was looking down to find out what's wrong, I quietly left to save both of us from further embarassment and awkwardness.

How would you feel if you were the girl? What would you have done if you were me? Hope the girl wasn't too embarassed. =)

HAPPY BUT TORN
Friday, January 11, 2008, 06:51 p.m. #1455

Two weeks have passed, and I've enjoyed teaching my classes so far. Those classes which I'd initially thought would be problematic turned out to be really okay. For me, it's all right if students are slow or weak academically - as long as their attitude towards learning is good, there's always hope, and I'm contented.

Was particularly happy on Wednesday, when some secondary one students were attached to my CCA. I got my CCA members to bring these young ones out for a stroll around the school to complete a few simple tasks and at the same time chat with them and make them feel comfortable. The members did a brilliant job, and I felt really proud of them, especially for those members who were usually very shy and quiet.

On the other hand, I had a couple of rude shocks when I heard about some of my work assignments for the year. I can't elaborate much here - nothing is confirmed yet anyway - but someone up there has apparently made some career plans for me, which are sooner or later going to deprive me from my simple wish to just teach. I think I've kept my profile very low for the past few years, but it seems I wasn't 'low' enough. I have also made my stand about my career directions several times, but it seems they simply cannot understand - I just want to be a teacher!

CHOW FOUND
Sunday, January 6, 2008, 10:36 p.m. #1454

Finally found and tried Western Chow today. Yep, that's the western food stall in a coffeeshop near my house, which has its own website and was recommended by mrbrown on his blog (he lives nearby as well).



And that's probably the first coffeeshop stall I've seen that actually has some proper decor and marketing concept. While the stall is hidden in a small corner of the coffeeshop (which is also hidden among the flats - I didn't even know it exists previously), the oldish-looking posters and furniture all round the tiny stall really give it a lot of character.

The food... Well, maybe my expectations were too high. My sis and I ordered the Hainanese curry chicken cutlet and chicken chop with mushroom sauce. I thought they're reasonably nice, but not outstandingly impressive. That said, this stall is now certainly one of my considerations when I'm hungry for some supper!

THE TOUCH
Saturday, January 5, 2008, 08:12 p.m. #1453

Got my free iPod Touch today as one of the free gifts for renewing my broadband contract with Singnet - the wireless modem will be delivered next week and mioTV will be installed the following week. Initially thought I'll just continue using my iPod Nano and probably sell the iPod Touch on eBay, but after a bit of fiddling I was so fascinated with the iPod Touch that I couldn't bear to part with it anymore. The touchscreen is so wide and bright, and all the album art shows up beautifully on the display. The interface is still pretty much the same as that of the earlier iPods. In addition, the touch-scroll and pinch-screen functions work extremely smoothly, and the device is so chicly thin! (The actual size is smaller than the picture below, by the way.)



A pity that the back surface remains to be easily scratched - I had to wrap the Touch with its original plastic film in order to avoid further scratches - this makes the Touch look less cool, but I guess it's better than an iPod Touch that is full of scratches - yeah, even clean fingers touching the back would easily scratch it. Think this is Apple's evil ploy to get iPod users to buy their protective casings (which ironically makes the iPods look less cool as well). Shall fight against getting one.

My eyes simply can't stop looking at the Touch on my table.

ADJUSTMENTS
Thursday, January 3, 2008, 10:11 p.m. #1452

The past two days of teaching went well. All my classes seemed okay so far, although it's still too early to tell. Been having slight headaches during the day as I haven't been waking up so early for months. Of course I'd perk myself up when I was in the classrooms, but once I got back to the staff room, I'd slouch on my seat and try to catch some short naps. Students, on the other hand, appeared more rejuvenated and fresh. Maybe they're already bored of not seeing their classmates for two months, or (most likely) I'm just getting too old to be able to recover as fast as them after the long hibernation. Hope their energy level will remain high while I adjust myself to the new workyear. Yeah. Teachers need to adjust ourselves to every new school term too!

DING-A-LING
Thursday, January 3, 2008, 10:49 a.m. #1451

All right. Just to end the "disfigurement" chapter. After a series of investigations, the postmaster concluded that the delivery was done by a private courier company engaged by the foreign website where I bought the scores from, not by Singpost, and regrettably my parcel didn't contain much information about which company it was. He thanked me for the "valuable" feedback, and assured me that this won't happen again. I guess if I really want to pursue with the matter, I could contact that website and ask them which local courier service they'd engaged, but since my scores were not seriously damaged, I decided to just let the matter rest. I don't have time for any more of such ding-dong investigations anyway.

PAINTING THE FUTURE
Tuesday, January 1, 2008, 01:35 p.m. #1450

The first thing I did in the first morning of 2008 was to "paint my friends' future on a canvas" (My Heroes Ability, Facebook). So nice of me right? Think this has something to do with my work - the desire to be able to paint people's future - hopefully into something rosy and full of promise.

Lazed around, read a book, played the guitar - unwilling to accept that work starts tomorrow, whether I like it or not. Ironing my shirts yesterday had been exceptionally dreadful - having to face the fact that another long year-long battle shall kick off very soon. Will be in charge of a few challenging classes and committee work. Let's hope my future for 2008 will be as rosy as what I've painted.