Friday, January 31, 2003 | 02:31 p.m.

Dug out some of my old records to listen. Bjork, Alanis Morissette, etc were among the first singers I knew when I first started listening to pop/rock (sort of like my elementary steps into rock) before I came to know the heavier/darker rockers like Nirvana, Pavement, Beck, Portishead, Radiohead, etc.

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would have thought... it figures

Mr Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
Isn't it ironic... don't you think

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A No Smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's like meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
Isn't it ironic... don't you think

"Ironic" - Alanis Morissette

Thursday, January 30, 2003 | 11:49 p.m.

The CC management (aka LKKs) is really terrible. Our orchestra has been invited to perform at 2 of their New Year functions next week, but by now they're still unable to give concrete details about the performances. When I asked one LKK, he referred me to another LKK, then when I asked this LKK, he referred me to another person. Argh! Really p*ssed off, but I am glad our members have been so supporting and kind and tolerant, and each of them volunteered to perform on either one or both days (depending on whether they can make it). Really grateful for their coorperation.

Thursday, January 30, 2003 | 09:48 a.m.

Was too tired to blog yesterday. I was also supposed to go to a 'male-bonding' session with my NS friends at night, but I was feeling too sick to go (sore throat plus headache). Went home to rest instead and slept early at 10 pm (wow, a record for recent years).

Yesterday was an ok day. Had lunch with Yanling and Yanni, and cos all 3 of us wore red (pure coincidence), all those who knew us and walked past commented on our 'angpao attire'. Hmm. Wonder if the whole canteen had noticed our table and had been talking about us. Ha.

Today's microteaching was done by those who did contract teaching before, and it was clear that these people really had a better grasp of the appropriate time-management and speed of speech. Their lessons were well-sequenced and well-paced, and they spoke with more confidence. Hope I can be like them when I start teaching. I pity the first class that I will be taking in a few months' time, they're gonna be my guinea pigs.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 | 05:38 p.m.

Rushed home from school to try to reach Ubi Test Centre by 5 pm so that I could get my license, but guess what, thanks to the traffic jam and the ultra-long last lesson that ended late, I only managed to reach the centre at 5 PM SHARP - just in time to see the doors to the office close before me. Grr.

Knew my friend had been unhappy today. But I didn't ask her about it cos we're not THAT close and I didn't want to seem to be intruding. And I am not exactly good at comforting people, so I guessed I wouldn't be able to help much even if I asked.

Monday, January 27, 2003 | 05:27 p.m.

I passed!
I passed!!
I passed!!!
I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!

Today's been a SUPERDUPERHAPPY day for me. 3 reasons why:

1) I passed my driving test!! (Though I can only get my license tomorrow cos the office was already closed at 5 pm when my test was over)

2) My Maths microteaching is over!! (Though my pace was toooo fast, it's ok generally)

3) My bank account first hit 5 digits!! (Could have reached it earlier if not for my extravagant spending)

Yay! Yay! Yay!

If all the bad things that happened to me in the past weeks were so as to accumulate all the luck for today, THEY'RE WORTH IT!!

*jumps around with joy with the imaginary license in one hand*

Sunday, January 26, 2003 | 03:27 p.m.

Andantino, by N Coste (Click here to download midi). The new guitar exam piece that I learnt today by myself. Created the midi to help me confirm my notes are correct.

Sunday, January 26, 2003 | 12:10 p.m.

Quite anxious about my microteaching presentation tomorrow. I am supposed to pretend that I am conducting an Algebra lesson for a class of Normal (Academic) students. Trying to memorise some important lines for my introduction to the topic... Do you know where the word "algebra" came from? It originated from the Arabic word "al-jabr". This word was used in a book written by Al-Khwarizmi, a famous mathematician who is also known as the Father of Algebra. "Al" means "the" and "jabr" means "restoring", so "al-jabr" literally means "the restoring", and it describes the process of restoring the solution of an unknown quantity. In fact, Al-Khwarizmi is such a famous mathematician that his name has been transformed into "algorizmi" in Latin and later became the word "algorithm" which we are so familiar with...

Having sore throat. Hope it doesn't affect my performance tomorrow.

Saturday, January 25, 2003 | 10:07 p.m.

Finally registered for the guitar grade 7 exam after much deliberation. $88+ (ouch). Hope I don't fail... The pieces are quite demanding in technical skills and expression, and I don't even know one of the 6 exam pieces cos I missed that lesson (Jieying said it's relatively easy actually) - gotta master all 6 in one month... A bit ambitious huh?

Friday, January 24, 2003 | 10:19 a.m.

I'm a fountain of blood
in the shape of a girl
You're the bird on the brim
hypnotized by the whirl

Drink me - make me feel real
wet your beak in the stream
The game we're playing is life
Love's a two-way dream

Leave me now - return tonight
the tide will show you the way
Forget my name - go astray
killer whale trapped in a bay

I'm a path of cinders
burning under your feet
You're the one who walks me
I'm your one-way street

I'm a tree that grows hearts
one for each that you take
You're the ground I feed on
we're a circle no one can break

I'm a whisper in water
a secret for you to hear
You're the one who grows distant
when I beckon you near

Life is a necklace of fears
your uncried tears on a string
Our love will untie them - come here

"Bachelorette" - Sjon, Bjork

Thursday, January 23, 2003 | 02:51 p.m.

Back from the police station. As I wasn't very pleased with the attitude of the police officer (he spoke as if I was a criminal when he still hasn't gathered the evidence), I asked him a few questions before he could interrogate me. Asked him whether anyone could just lodge a complaint without any proof and the police will just go on with the investigation. He replied to say that Singtel is now retrieving the phonecall records and investigations are concurrently done with the evidence search.

As he said I may be held in court if I cannot show proof that I am innocent, I questioned him whether he was correct to say that. I thought the person who lodged the complaint should show evidence to prove my guilt instead of me having to show evidence to disproof my guilt? I thought the burden of proof is on the person who initiated the case, and the Singapore law advocates that a person is innocent until he's proven guilty, and NOT the other way round (a person is guilty until he's proven innocent)?

He could not answer this and tried to talk some rubbish before he changed the topic and went on with the interrogation.

The interrogation was fine. Half an hour. Simple questions like where I was, who might have done it if it wasn't me, etc. Well, I have a clear conscience so I just answered them to the best of my knowledge.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 | 06:54 p.m.

What a wonderful day. Besides the emotional betrayal, I received an 'invitation' from the police to visit them tomorrow, as I have been suspected of "insulting the modesty of women" over the phone on 14 August 2002. God. What else is awaiting me?

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 | 06:13 p.m.

She was the one who said at the meeting that complimentary tickets should be around 100-200 (it's in the minutes). She is the one with the experience so I guessed she must be right. Then we realised that the VCH regulations are such that only 88 tickets can be free, and the remaining complimentary tickets in excess of 88 will be considered as sold at ticket price and a tariff will be charged. In order to reduce the burden of our CO people having to sell nearly 800 tickets, and in order that she could still keep the number of complimentary tickets at the originally planned 100-200, I worked out some maths to show that having 100-200 complimentary tickets is still workable and we will not incur any losses even if we have to pay the tariff for these extra complimentary tickets.

Then she sent an email telling everyone that we shouldn't have 200 complimentary tickets because blah-blah-blah, and we should only have 88. As if I was the one who suggested the stupid idea of having 200 complimentary tickets, and even came up with some lengthy proof to support this stupid idea.

I would have brushed this matter off if not because 2 other incidents happened before this. Not only did she not appreciate my support, she turned around and surprised me with 'betrayal'.

First was the New Year surprise, when she told me she was tired and she wished to step down to rest. I supported her decision and she told me someone else was going to be the Chairman, but I was elected instead. "You were the natural choice," she said later.

Then was the incident in which I went against my principles and did my other friend a disservice (something that I'm gonna regret for the rest of my life) for her sake. It's ok that she didn't say a word of thanks, but she told me later, "It was really mean of you to have done that." As if I had enjoyed myself committing that dreadful deed.

3 times she has hurt me in a matter of 20 days, when I supported her and she turned to stab me at the back (or to a lesser extent, poured a bucket of cold water over me). I can't help but feel that I have been used/betrayed. She still has the support of everyone, while I am simply The Idiot. I may be forgetful and forgiving, but the rate at which she's doing all these seem to be trying to remind me that I should not just forgive and forget. I am just very disappointed, when she's supposed to be my good friend. In the past, when people told me stories about her, I would speak up for her. Now, I am not sure if I would.

(I'm sorry that I had to be so blantant. I'm sure the CO people know who I'm referring to. Please keep in mind that this is only my side of the story. Hope this won't affect your opinion of the person involved. I just needed to get this off my chest. Too bad lah, I don't have a gf to listen to me... *wry smile*)

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 | 09:27 p.m.

Watched 'Mind Matters' today. Learnt that though anxiety can be good, it can also become a disorder when it persists for 24 hours a day and lasts for more than 1 month. Anxiety disorders are not only common in adults, but also in adolescents. In fact, research has shown that adolescents may feel overly worried or stressed at the ages of 7, 12 and 16. Reasons for such anxiety could be biological or external. Overanxiety may cause OCDs (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders), and these children may feel inferior, or become oversensitive, depressed, paranoid or irritable. Such symptoms should never be ignored or treated as if they were just a passing phase, as they could become detrimental to the child's character development and mental state.

Monday, January 20, 2003 | 07:01 p.m.

Haha. Everyone was so shocked to see a red me today. When I called out to Jenn this morning, she was like, erm, who are you?... omg, what happened to you??! Shuying was on the other hand very amused by my red face and couldn't resist laughing every time she turned and saw me. Hmm, well, at least my misery could bring happiness to some people. How noble.

The Physics lesson today was so boooooooooring. 10 minutes into the lecture, and TN and I were already fighting to keep our eyes open. But the lecture got more interesting later when YN and I started 'conversing' on a piece of paper. Talking crap can be quite constructive sometimes (compared to sleeping, that is).

Sunday, January 19, 2003 | 10:52 p.m.

The LKK I was meeting was late for ONE HOUR. He said it was raining and he was caught in a traffic jam. Hmm. Sounds like a familiar excuse huh?

Anyway, I got tired of waiting after a while and went to the orchestra room to play with the xylophone. Hey, I can play it quite well actually, to my surprise. Too bad I didn't bring my keys to the instrument cabinets, else I could get the erhu out to play... People like JJ would complain every time I play erhu, actually I don't play that terribly mah! Originally intended to switch to erhu for the next concert since zew will be taking over me as the liuqinist, have even asked Caleb to prepare the etude pieces for me, but JJ forbade me to switch... :(

Sunday, January 19, 2003 | 10:19 a.m.

Raining heavily outside. I could have stayed in bed and enjoy the warmth in my blankets but NO, I gotta meet up with the LKKs to discuss some concert matters. :( Hee, shall think of my friend who has to work today, just to make myself feel better. Ha.

My sunburnt skin doesn't hurt that much now, and the skin on my face is starting to peel (yep, gross). I guess that means I'm gonna be ok soon? I hope.

Saturday, January 18, 2003 | 09:35 a.m.

Nursing my sunburn pains. Didn't even know I got sunburnt for the past few days cos my skin didn't hurt at all until yesterday. My face and hands are still ok, but my legs are simply 'untouchable'. My leg muscles also ache piercingly when I stand for more than 2 seconds. Sigh. This is the worst case of sunburn I've ever had. My sis guessed the muscle aches must be cos the sun has dried up the water content of my muscles. Hmm... my knowledge in bio is almost zilch - dunno the extent of truth in that speculation.

Friday, January 17, 2003 | 09:52 a.m.

Had my first meeting with the LKKs last night to discuss about the upcoming BHCO concert. Actually JJ and I didn't even need to attend it cos the LKKs were simply arguing among themselves most of the time and we didn't even get the chance to talk. And they could go round and round about the same point and repeat that a thousand times. Hmm. That's quite a bit of stamina for these old people.

I am now a lobster. Fiery red.

Note: LKK - Lao Kok Kok (Hokkien)

Tuesday, January 14, 2003 | 08:48 p.m.

Highlight of the day: the Class Management lesson. Today's lesson was on Rules & Routines. Our tutor Cyrine made one of us take the role of a teacher while the rest of the class roleplay a class of Normal (Technical) students, so basically all of us (except the poor soul playacting the teacher) had to create problems (like 2 girls fighting in class, someone's handphone ringing, 1 boy putting his legs on the desk, 2 girls walking out of class on their own without asking for permission - all happening at the same time), and the "teacher" had to handle all of them simultaneously and come up with the appropriate actions impromptu. We had a really great time laughing at ourselves and analysing what could be the best way of dealing with these problems, but I wonder if I can really handle such a chaotic scenario when it arises. :/

Tuesday, January 14, 2003 | 12:19 a.m.

I wasn't being oversensitive afterall. There was indeed some unhappiness over the dinner table yesterday. Sigh. I wonder why people like to hurt each other's feelings when we know that such hurts cannot be easily undone. Maybe that's the easiest way out to save yourself from misery - by making someone else suffer in place of you - but is that fair!? Do you feel less in pain when you make someone else feel the pain together with you?

Sunday, January 12, 2003 | 10:52 p.m.

Ha. Just got my new optical wheel mouse installed. Looks nice with the red light. Couldn't do anything in the day as my previous mouse gave up working for me last night. Having nothing to do without the computer (hmm, I am not the keyboard-type of person), I went to copy the scores for 'Evening in Moscow'. Like the theme very much - hope BH gets to practise this song soon... Also went to practise guitar cos my teacher told me I should take the next grade exam in March. I am still considering whether to take it, cos I don't think I have much time to practise... quite contented with my Grade 8 already. :)

Gave a treat to BHCO core members in the evening at Ichiban Boshi, Esplanade. 14 turned up - XB, JJ, JQ, K, M, YY, JB, ZW, YJ, me, YX, JY, SX, ZQ (SN didn't check mail). It was generally very quiet at the dinner table, except for some brief jokes that didn't sustain. I hope it's because they were just tired after the concert which they attended before dinner, and not because they didn't like the food... Well, at least everyone seemed to be satisfied/full after the dinner (though K complained that she had a headache after the sake).

Saturday, January 11, 2003 | 11:11 a.m.

Ok, this is a bit 'slow', but I just listened to the NAC Yuzhongxing recordings. Cheng San really did an excellent job and their version was indeed closest to the composer's original intention. All the sections blended very well. Although there was a drizzling effect, the notes were still crystalline clear. Jing Ying, on the other hand, had a very unique and new-age dimension for the piece. Their musical direction/execution was also the strongest/most vivid. However this also meant that their version may sound like midi at times. They would have been the best if the title wasn't 'Yuzhongxing'. BH's version was, as zew has observed, most 'hazy' - blurry barlines, uncertain speed, with some anticlimactic 'birdshit' out-of-tunes. These are unacceptable generally, but they turned out well for this piece, and brought out a very 'wu2 nai4' feeling.

Ah... really love the song.

Friday, January 10, 2003 | 10:05 p.m.

Driving lessons have become a chore, especially when I have already failed so many times.

Copied scores for 'Flower Ring' (Korean) and 'Chan Mali Chan' (shudder).

Wednesday, January 8, 2003 | 11:51 p.m.

I guess it is normal that sometimes for the sake of your good friends you gotta do things that are against your own beliefs or principles. I was struggling with this just now, and I know I am going to feel bad about it later, but I simply have to do it anyway. Argh...

Tuesday, January 7, 2003 | 07:49 p.m.

Didn't have the energy to blog yesterday as it had been an extra-long day. Woke up at 5+ am and only returned home at 11+ pm... The day was all right, all our new tutors were also very friendly and nice, but we have got a whole series of assignments lined up for us even though this sem is only 6-7 weeks long (and that also means the deadlines for these assignments/projects are pretty near).

Today was ok, except that there was a dreadfully long 5-hour break. E and I spent our time in the library, taking interrupted naps, searching for resources for our projects, snacking, chatting, and simply - walking around in the library. It's raining so we couldn't go elsewhere anyway. Was quite tired by the end of the 5-hr wait. But the day ended well with the Classroom Management lesson. Our tutor was very engaging, and she asked each of us to share with the class what was our main concern and what we wished to learn from this module. I said I wanted to know how I could be firm but approachable at the same time (hmm, this is something I can apply at BHCO too). Her answers to our concerns were often witty and informative. Though the 2-hr session ended late, everyone seemed to have enjoyed ourselves. I hope the lessons I conduct in the future will be as interesting as this one... :)

Sunday, January 5, 2003 | 07:24 p.m.

Have had about 3 months of holidays. Tomorrow I'll be back in school again, and it's gonna be a crash course of 4 modules in 7 weeks. After which I'll start teaching (yay!). The timetable for this sem is quite ok - 14 hours in a 4-day week, but I guess the workload will be very terrible anyway (just like last sem).

Having the pre-school-reopening blues now...

Saturday, January 4, 2003 | 10:46 a.m.

I now have a LARGE photo of myself in graduation gown, posing with a wide smile in front of a library of really thick books. And this photo is on the wall at my computer, so I will see it whenever I use the computer. Gross.

Friday, January 3, 2003 | 03:20 a.m.

What a bad way to start the new year. It was the General Meeting of BHCO and I have just been elected to be the new Chairperson. I was quite unpleasantly surprised as no one gave me any hints about this beforehand, and in fact, I was informed that another person was the likely candidate. I really feel rather betrayed and angry, but I know I HAVE to accept this fact, get on with it and try my best to do the job well. I may not be as good or knowledgeable as J in admin matters and management skills, but I hope I can learn quickly (I don't have much time though, as the concert matters are rather pressing, J had 2-3 years to learn!), and I am mentally prepared to receive discouraging comments from people who may criticise my leading style and say that J had been a better chairperson.

One thing I certainly hope to change in BHCO is - No More 'People Politics'. No more discrimination/prejudice against specific individuals.

Besides this piece of traumatic news, 2 other separate personal matters came up at the meeting (what an eventful day huh?) that made some individuals upset, and I had to make sure the parties are fine even though I was still trying to cope with my own emotions myself, so I ended up consoling them (yay! I am quite a good PR afterall) rather than sorting out my own thoughts. Sigh. Maybe that's something I have to get used to - Suppressing my own feelings and placing the others' interests/feelings before mine.

I am happy with the way I am right now. I hate to know that I'm going to change myself to suit this post. But I hope I will change for the better. And that I won't hate the new Me after the transformations.

P.S. Thanks to J, YY, JB, ZW for your support.

Wednesday, January 1, 2003 | 05:48 p.m.

Didn't sleep much. Woke up at noon. Discussed with Zew about his thesis, gave him some suggestions (He was quite grateful. Haha, didn't know my nonsense could help), and spent the rest of the afternoon vetting his draft. Wow, I was actually doing something constructive!

Hee. And read my friend's hidden weblog entry. *wink*

Wednesday, January 1, 2003 | 09:13 a.m.

Happy New Year!

Just back from a night of countdown cum BBQ+Bridge session at Bishan. Feeling... quite awake, after a nice hot shower. The BBQ part was good. There was plenty of food - BBQ chicken wings, BBQ mushrooms, Japanese jelly (konniyaku), Zew's curry puffs, Yingjie's trademark chicken stew, Yanxin's almond jelly, Yingyun's fruit salad, Yinghan's DJ-ing (ok, this is not food but, wow, the BAG of cds), and of course, Mi'er's sushi!!! *exclamation marks* Caleb, Youxia and I did most of the BBQ-ing, though the chicken wings that I did were a bit... charred. Oh well, that's BBQ food you know.

Then some of us started bridge-ing. Mi'er, Caleb, Junyi, Yanxin, Jing'an, Yingjie, Kelly, Jianyuan, Keran (surprise!)... Besides the countdown in which Jiajia and some of us popped a few champagnes and drank our champagne/vodka, and the short break in which some of us went to Yingyun's house for a shower, we played bridge throughout the night till this morning (around 8?). Quite an achievement, though by the end of it, Caleb and I were literally leaning on each other (Yingjie and Mi'er too) as our backs ache like hell. It was an enjoyable night, albeit the brief police visit. :)

After a quick breakfast of toast and Milo, we decided we'd better go home and get some sleep before one of us faints. So, here I am, typing this as I wait for my hair to dry. *feels the hair* Ok, dry. Can sleep already!

Tuesday, December 31, 2002 | 04:01 p.m.

Will be going to a BBQ later and probably not coming back for the night... Spent the afternoon of the last day of this year arranging a compilation album for a friend, who wanted to hear more of Björk after I told her Emiliana sounds like Björk. While browsing through Björk's 6 major albums and listening to all her songs, I seemed to have gone through a revision of the major events in my life - These songs accompanied me as I was growing up, and each of them marked a certain period of my life. Songs like "Play Dead", "Hyperballad", "Bachelorette", "I've Seen It All", etc which I listened to over and over in the past really brought back many fond memories of which I was young (hmm, not exactly young now). Bittersweet memories.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002 | 01:33 a.m.

Think NTUCO is too relaxed. Attendance is poor and everyone is late. Today, practice started an hour late. And the conductor stopped to reply his SMS in the middle of the practice, while the whole orchestra had to wait for him to finish punching his loooong reply (hmm, maybe he's just slow in punching the keys). Ok, I waste a lot of time myself too, but I don't mind wasting my own time. I can't stand it when someone else wastes my time... Phffff...

Monday, December 30, 2002 | 04:17 p.m.

A short piece inspired by the Korean movie "JSA" - Winter

Monday, December 30, 2002 | 01:18 a.m.

Hmm... my table is getting messier by the minute (where did all these things come from!? *oblivious*) - magazines, books, DVDs, CDs, stationary, cookies, cups, tissue boxes, toilet rolls ... haha, I'd better get it cleared before school reopens. Argh! School reopening!!!

P.S. My beard is growing at an astonishing rate these days - had to shave twice today. Do beards grow faster for people who are idling? Wonder if there is an article on this.

Sunday, December 29, 2002 | 10:16 p.m.

New background! :)
Shall write in English from now on, for a change.