blurred slhoutte's________________

Monday, August 1, 2005, 06:36 p.m.

+ i bid on my own property +

mood:
music: * -Asterisk- - Orange Range (Bleach OST)

Rays of light from the stars in the night sky above
send a plea from across the ages
with colours that haven't faded
It's somebody's cry, reflected in those sparkling eyes
A wish carried on the wind, a request from the moon
to live as fully as possible, day by day
Rays of light from the stars in the night sky above
send a plea from across the ages
with colours that haven't faded
So that our wishes, too, will be in someone's heart someday,
let's shine on like that star

Yes, yes, I believe that I'm possessive... I bid on my own boyfriend last Saturday. He invited me to a UP AME event that was held in Project 8. I was curious as to what they do in their event so I decided to tag along. Unfortunately, I woke up late, not because I was lazy but because the previous night we, me and my officemates went out. It was the last day of one of my officemates and she said that there will be a drinking session to be held in Gerry's Libis. So I decided to go since the one who is parting is like a sister to me, and I'm a succer for free food and drinks. I got home in the wee hours in the morning at 4:00 am. --; So I got to the meeting place later than usual and suprised that I was the first one to arrived. Hazel will also be going with us.

While waiting for Robert and Hazel to arrive, I saw a familiar face that I didn't expect to see. It was Pong! (I don't know if this was the right spelling of his name) Actually Pong is Kuya Paul's friend and I met him while we are going to watch a movie, and I believe he was also there in the Sci-Fi con. Last time I heard from him, he was going to go to Europe for a tour. I didn't know that he would be back at this time. So we chatted while waited for my BF and Hazel. At about 2 pm, we went on our way to the UP AME.

We arrived there, and I was kinds nervous because I'm not familiar with the faces of the members ofthe UP AME. And then I met Sakka there. Unfortunately, I didn't remember her because the last time I saw her was 2 years before. And that was the first time I met her O.o; I apologized and hang out with her. And then I saw Neko-chan (partially scolding her), Amy Lou (one of my best friend since higschool that I missed so much. Last time i saw her was a year ago), Rachel (I love her curls O.O I want to cut it, bleach it and put it on me so that I can be goldilocks XD XD XD) and Mic is also there (get well soon ^^).

While I was talking to Amy Lou, the bidding of "bishies" started and I didn't really listen to it, not until they announced that Robert is the one being auctioned. Of course, I dind't want anyone to get my BF. Ok, Ok, I admit, I am a little bit possessive.... erm... yes. HE'S MINE DAMN IT! *heaves* --; Anyways, I bid until it reached 300 and I won him. The announcer called me to the front and asked me what can I say as I won Robert. I said "I bid on my own property! Ang daya (It's unfair)!" But well, it's done and I paid. I think it's a conspiracy. O.o

Anyways, here are some pictures of the event c/o Hazel. (Thanks Badingers!)

Me, Mic, Rachel and Hazel

Boom, Hazel, Me and Sakka

Robert and me ^o^

Friday, July 29, 2005, 06:52 p.m.

+ the me in view of Carrie +

mood:
music: Duvet (Cyberia Remix) - Serial Experiment OST

And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame then I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
and you know I don't mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing

I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning
Help me to breathe
I am hurting, I have lost it all
I am losing
Help me to breathe

Carrie and I share some sort of likeness in our mood swings. You see, I have these mood swings in which even I'm happy, I would just stare off to space and cry. I was depressed when I was in college and my friends in college knew that. I like pain that time, I embraced its feeling like something that can satisfy and stop my depressed, sad state.

And then Carrie mentioned what she sees me when we were in highschool. She said that when we were in highschool, I always SMILE. I always kept my problems to myself and SMILE as if it didn't affect me. I have a mask placed on my face so that no one would notice my problems that comes with a broken home and occasional beatings. Then I try to remember when was the time I asked for help when my family was breaking apart, when I was being beaten up and try to put down. No memory came.

I didn't knew that Carrie viewed me like that. I knew I'm not good with spoken words, my writing is usually reserved for fantasy lands with heroes and villians. So maybe, that's why I tend to just keep things to myself. I might not be able to express what I'm feeling, I might not be able to say what really think. I believe that my opinions are not counted for that matter, or its just my conditioned response since I was brought up like that by my mother. "I am always wrong, everything I do is wrong. It's always my mistake, no one else."

But now, I try to do just the oppposite but I don't think I'm doing a good job. *sighs* But I knew I'm more vocal now.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005, 03:21 p.m.

+ the shoot +

mood:
music: Moments - Ayumi Hamasaki

Your naked heart is wandering
Having nowhere to go
And is setting sharp thorns around
For fear of being touched

First and foremost, I would just like to say 2 things:

(1) I hate Windows XP. I don't know wy they have to change it to XP but I XP sucks! Big time. For one thing, all I do has an error in it. I didn't encouter these errors while using Windows 2000 and my PC crashed because of the lack of maintenance not because of software failure.

(2) To someone who stole my SE charger in the office: Ma-karma ka sana. Lech!

*heaves* Ok, now then, on to updates. Last saturday, I went to a shooting for MTV. It's about Philippine Ragnarok Online. I was one of the people who was invited to perform using our costume for their show. But previously, we had this interview about RO players. It was fun pretending to be a high wizard, minus the staff of course. I can't perform with my staff. Other people that were invited were Kero, Tanix and Akira. Minami was also invited but she has cramps... :(

The first place we went to wasa gym near ABS CBN. It's a 24-hour gym... but I forgot the name --; I tried some of the equipment there as well, but not all since I'm wearing a mini-skirt. It hinders me in performing that well. But I guess I did good. After that, we went to UP Shopping Arcade. It was fun telling Kero to run after the crowd who were looking at us in facination. But the funniest part was when me and Kero were instructed to hail a jeep. *lolz*

After the shoot, we said goodbye to the crew and we decided to eat in Chocolate Kiss. That was the first time I ate there and it was soooo good.... I like their iced tea very much. All the honey that you can get *snicker*

Tanix invited me to go with Kero to their house in Fairview. Since it's stil early, I said yes and join the road trip. The last time I went to Novaliches was when I'm still living with my mother. Wow, how time flies by. When I sat in the passenger seat, that was when I realized how tired I am after the shoot.

When we arrived in Tanix's place, me and Akira watched Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. Actually she watched it full. I slept on the couch because of sheer exhaustion. I swear, Akira has so much energy. Either that, or I'm getting old.... errr... nevermind.

And then I slept in our Pasig house since my mother is out on a retreat and she asked me to house-sit the house.

It was a tiring weekend but it was definitely good. I experienced so much, especially on the shoot. XD

YAY! Robert's already here! *ish giddy*

Friday, July 22, 2005, 11:17 a.m.

+ . +

mood:
music: Fruits Candy - Card Captor Sakura OST

Tip Tap love is always candy,
tasty, like fruit.
Good luck. That's right, every day is Sunday
Don't get rattled, my heart.

I envy people who can buy Dolfie. I mean they have spare money to buy it and yes, I don't have that much money on me to buy an expensive doll. Though I want it, but I feel in the long run, it would be something that I would regret in purchasing. As much as I want to buy a doll, I would say 'no' and focus my attention to the ps2 that I would be buying and maybe a new phone. And the cosplay that I need to really invest in because the costume is really beautiful. *drools*

The most expensive thing that I bought was my cellphone which was purchased last year. Other than that, my common purchase ranges from less than 500, unless of course it's cosplay :P But now, I can't really spend something expensive (unless I really saved for it). I'm giving money to the house, plus the fact that fare is expensive and my salary is not supporting me anymore. I need a part time job damn it!

Tomorrow would be my father 61st birthday. He's old.... XD

And I have nothing more to say. *bows*

Wednesday, July 20, 2005, 01:11 p.m.

+ i have nothing to say +

mood:

I'm sorry people if I'm not that talkative. I'm sad and depressed. No it's not the time of the month but because of what happened yesterday. I'm just too sad to talk about it and too tired. It's as if my energy have been sucked out.

I'm not that enthusiastic with the rumours that I'm hearing and I'm not that enthusiastic to find out if the rumours are true or not. Hell, I'm not that enthusuastic anymore.

I'm going to meet up with Charlotte and Ori to talk about things and maybe just hang out. Right now my PC is being installed. *sighs* I wish I can be productive today.

Last night, I was so in the bad mood that I punched the door in my bedroom. But, it backfired since I have a bruise now on my left hip. My door is fighting against me now.... T-T

Tuesday, July 19, 2005, 04:53 p.m.

+ *cries* +

mood:

As of now, I don't have my PC anymore. My PC just crashed. No more 2 year-worth of files, may it be work-related or not. I want to cry.

And here I thought I was making progress when it comes to updating the Master List. *cries some more*

Tuesday, July 19, 2005, 12:03 p.m.

+ our f****d up government +

mood:
music: Au Revoir - Malice Mizer

Just a while more
I want to fall asleep holding you
Even if only in this time changed by gentle memories
I want to fall asleep with you in my arms
Like we were when we first met

The nation is already divided to two. those who still are trusting the president and those who want her to resign. After the Gloriagate scandal have been aired, talked about and debated, people are now into rallies. I, for one, is not a pro-PGMA or an anti-PGMA. Lately, I don't care what happens anymore in the government. Most of them are just fucked up politicians who want a share of the countries wealth and be rich as well.

Anti-PGMA try their very best to oust the president by creating rallies, but most of the people in there are being paid to go there. PEOPLE POWER they called it, but I don't really see how it would help the country. It just results to more mass revolution of people who want to have money, hence being led there and trying to start a commotion. A friend of mine says that people like PEOPLE POWER because they think that they have strength in numbers. Aanhin naman ang marami kung puro tanga naman ang kasama mo? (What's the use of having great numbers if all the people you're with are stupid?)

Not only the Anti-PGMA are the one who creates rallies, but also the Pro-PGMA. And I repeat, it still escapes me how this would help the country.

When the rally in Makati was held, transportation towards the vicinity was stopped the placed was closed, causing employees to walk from one end to another, wasting their energy instead of working. Not only that, some of the business were forced to closed for the day because of the said rally. I watched the news that night and one of the reporters asked oneof the employees what they think of the rally. The employee said "Kami na nga yung nagtra-trabaho, kami pa yung napeperwisyo." (We're are the ones who's working here and we are also the ones being treated like this.)

I bet when one of their desired president has already taken place in Malaca�ang, and after a week of non-productivity, people will get their rally boards again and starts their rally again and again.

And hirap kasi sa mga Filipino, pag may ayaw, gulo ang solusyon... (The problem with Filipinos is that if they don't like something, they would rally to be heard). I don't really blame them since even our justice here is all screwed up.

Maybe there might be a miracle and give this country peace. Or am I hoping too much?

---

Edit: In other news, yesterday, Robert called me on the cell and I was really happy that I heard his voice again. Unfortunately, after about 10 minutes of talking, my cell ran out of batt. I was so frustrated because my charger was borrowed by one of my officemates and is not yet returned. I was on my frantic search of that officemate but alas, I did not find him. GAH~!!! @.@

But it's ok, anim na araw na lang...

Monday, July 18, 2005, 05:01 p.m.

+ countdown begins : 7 more days +

mood:
music: FLAME iPSYENCE FACTION version - Hide

When you've finished counting all the shooting stars
Stop crying and start walking

Flame of misery
Talking on all the love, the hate
It's a flame of sadness
Break them all in your arms
Pieces of sadness
Let's go when it stops raining
Life is going on
Just keep on walking till you wither

Stay free my misery

... my misery

If you're wondering what the countdown is for, it's the countdown until Robert gets back here in the Philippines, which I'm very excited because I miss him so much. A month is really too long.... X.x I'm pretty excited.

I haven't updated this because I was sick. Must be an indication that I don't rest as often as I need to be. I'm always on the go and have to meet someone, somewhere in a far away place. Wait, I'm always out to a far away place since I live in a mountain. *sweatdrop* I just wish I can rent an apartment for myself and live on my own. I know I can do it since before I came to my sister's home, I'm living alone. It's not that I don't want to stay anymore, but staying in the mountains seems so expensive now. Especially the rent of the house was raised and the the fare of the transportation vehicles also risen. I might be moving out next year when I get the chance to talk to my sister about it.

And I am trying to help my sister finish a PS game called Soul Reaver. It's a very difficult game, especially if you don't havea walkthrough. But hell, even if you ave a walkthrough it's still hard! So I"m trying to help her. Actually I am planning to play the game as well after I finished Final Fantasy VII (without walkthrough). Oh yes, I'm still trying to renew my enthusiasm in finishing Final Fantasy IX. I think I'm on the last boss but I became tired of trying to level up the characters so I decided to stop for a while.

Also my sister informed me that her lump in her ovary have returned after the successful operation in removing one last year. Her obigyne said that this time, it's not just a lump but LUMPS. Meaning not only one but about a couple of them in there. Which really scares me not only that the lumps might be cancerous but because it might happen to me. My mom had those before I was born, hence the 10 year gap of me and my sister.

Then I have a new neice. Unfortunately, I don't know her name yet because I haven't had the time to visit her. I think it's a fashion in our family to have kid out of wedlock. I'm not really judging them, it's just that I wish they take really good care of their kid. I already have a cousin who had a kid but just leaves behind to the point that my only nephew doesn't know who his real mother is. Being called "Mama" everytime he sees you is a very big issue considering the kid is only 2 years old and the mother is always out with his new lover. I have no qualms in being her mother for the short-time that we are together, maybe I can get him for sometime and go to a mall of something.

Last Saturday, Battlechaser had invited me to be interviewed by MTV about Filipino Gamers playing Ragnarok Online. Yes, I wore make-up. It was being interviewed at the same times nervous. And the guy who interviewed me said at first glance "I remember you! You cosplayed last RO Con". @.@ I was so embarassed because someone recognized me and I was not prepared to be asked about cosplaying. I can remember myself saying "I think I'm addicted to cosplay but I try to limit the costumes that I really liked and would as well LOOK GOOD ON me." Afterwhich, we ate and was given a paperbag of goodies (hence my new mousepad in the office and more t-shirts). I also played RO for a while since they need to shoot a part wherein we are playing the said game.

After the interview, I went to Megamall to meet up with Samantha and Carrie since we have a gimik that night, also to meet with Charlotte and talk about our cosplay plans. We walked to Robinson's Galleria and occassionaly exchanging gossips and small talks. We arrived there and talked to other cosplayers about the plan. I'm not really sure that I can pull off the chracter but I would really try. Charlotte always says that she can see the character in me. Then I would do my best to really act and look like the character. And like what Charlotte says "If we cosplay these characters, I want to be bishie enough that even the girls will drool", and I would try to fulfill that vision.

After the cosplay meeting was done, the others went home already and me, Charlotte, Samantha, Carrie and Rain were left. So we decided to change locations, and since Rain is as open-minded as us and has no qualms when the three-letter-word is talked in public, she decided to join. We also warned her about it but I believe she's mature enough to talk about it. So to Eastwood we go and into this Japanese Restaurant. I really loved the Sushi with Cheese that I ordered. Or maybe I am craving for cheese since it's been a while since I ate cheese. We stayed there up to 2 am talking about all of things, like the government, more sex (I let Carrie borrow my Erotica book), and relationships (straight or bisexual since they asked about my past relationships as well). I also bought this lovely red with embroidered flowers corset tube that I really loved after trying it on. What pushed me to buy the garment? It was on 50% sale. And it's really lovely. Maybe I will wear it when Robert returns *snicker*

Before we left the scene, some ~~men~~ boys made fun of us because of our colored hair (no I'm not the only one in the group who have colored their hair). We were really insulted that we decided to walk towards them and bitch about it. Just as we expected, those men are all talk. We tried not to laugh at their surprised and speechless face. Our next get-together would be on Friday where we would prolly shop.

Then on Saturday, it is my father's birthday but I would be going to our Pasig house because I am the house-sitter for the mean time, while my mother go to a retreat. I think it's safe to assume that my mother is already a born-again Christian. Not that I mind, wherever she's happy, I'm happy.... she just have to try not to control my life.

Orginally, I plan a write-up about how fucked-up our government is but I would be wasting precious energy and time. So maybe I would be doing it tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005, 10:29 a.m.

+ the 3 letter word +

mood:
music: purachina - Card Captor Sakura OST

I want to find my dream... I want to make it come true...
There is nothing that I can't overcome,
if I only believe.
Just like singing, just like miracles,
"feelings" can change everything!
Without a doubt... Without a doubt...
It's almost surprising!

S-E-X is one of the taboo topics that people tend to cringe everytime they hear the word being muttered out in public. In our society, people who utter the 3-letter-word means either you're cool or you're a slut. Most of the time, women who uttered the word was viewed like that. I also talked about it when I'm with some of my friends who has an open mind like mine. Me and my friends (we sometimes call ourselves as the Sex & the City characters) always meet once a month, except for Charlotte (yeah, I'm using the names in the series :P guess who I am there) because she is a very busy lady :P.

True, there are some things are meant to be silent about but I don't believe that sex is one of them. I mean, people do it, married or not, even if you don't have a relationship, you also have sex. FB's as they call them have sex without strings attached.

Society in the Philippines are still in that conservative era that people will just whisper the word and laughed quietly as the word is pronounced, and don't forget trhe blushing part and the embarassment that they had uttered the word.

That's why I'm very grateful that I have some friends whom I can talk too without even crigning as they hear the word and not be embarassed as we talk it in public.

Monday, July 11, 2005, 11:10 a.m.

+ book signing spree +

mood:
music: Groovy! - Card Captor Sakura OST

Brand-New Love Song Halle, hallelujah!
Everyone, let's just go wild and love each other
Groovy Love Song Halle, hallelujah!
Let's forget the bad things and just love each other.
Brand-New Love Song Halle, hallelujah!
Let's dance for tomorrow
Groovy Love Song Halle, hallelujah!
There will always be times
when you will have to move.

Yes, I went to the book signing of Neil Gaiman last Saturday. I selpt in Minami's condo so that I can get there early but in the end, I still got them late. I got there at 10 am, which was fairly early but I found out that the giving out of numbers started at 9:30 am and not the orginal schedule 10:30 am. --; So there I am, greeted by Robsano and Nissie to have me on line before I got a much lower number. I got 340. But... no matter, I'm still happy that I got a number and somewhat guarentee that I can have Rob's book signed. Although I somewhat regretted that I didn't go there much earlier.

After I got my number, Robsano left me and Nissie to do some sight-seeing in Rockwell where we decided to just stay in Starbucks since she needs somethign to wake her up. Apparently she didn't sleep because of anticipating the interview and actually meeting your favorite author, despite the fact that she said good night to me in YM. So me and Nissie is in Starbucks near Rockwell Tent, waiting for Lester to show up. We saw Eric Quizon in there too but we are so much engrossed in talking about Neil Gaiman. I think she's trying to make me a fan as well but I didn't mind. I almost finished Smoke and Mirrors by that time and I'm liking the stories written there. Then when Lester came, I busied myself trying to cinvince Nissie to cosplay Death again. No, she didn't heed my advice. Boo. Aha. XD XD XD

Afterwards, me, Nissie and Lester went to the Tent for the second time and saw Sephiroth. Yes, Seph is a volunteer in that book signing. Through and through he is a volunteer, which means I can prolly exploit that.. *snicker* Nah, I didn't exploited it. XD

Someone suggested that we tak a stroll in rockwell and Seph's GF, Joanna (is this the right spelling?) came along with us. We talked about... random things and we passed by a amusement center and I played Percussion Freaks. GAH~!!! It's much harder there than in G4!!!! Afterwards, we decided to eat in Tokyo Tokyo and we came back to the tent by 2 pm, and was surprised that there are many people in a line. I saw Gab already and with her is Noelle, her sisters (i think), Gab and he brother and Dheng and some other people that I chatted with but forgot to asked for their name. They were in the front most part of the line and we kinda went there and fall in line as well since they say that it's ok to be there.

So I was standing from 2 pm and they opened the doors by 2:45 I think, we rushed inside and me and Dheng looked at some of the artworks in the Tent then finally get back to the crowd. A few minutes went by and the tent is already full of people. We were anxious in meeting the author when a band performed instead. The band was The Late Isabel. The genre of the band was goth-punk I believe but most of the people there are not Goth, hey, I'm not goth. Like one of the random people there said that most of the people there are nerds. IMHO, I do not dislike all of their music, I liked a couple of tracks but the vocals are not heard clearly thus I can't understadn what the vocalist is saying. And for the record, I don't like the chorus to be just a bunch of lalala's. The first couple of songs, people are not really minding the band. But the time the 3rd song came, some of the people are shouting "No". By the time they sang the 5th song, most of the people are shouting "NO" and "STOP". As the band reached the last song, everyone cheered. The band ended playing by about 3:45 pm.

Then after a few more minutes, in between the announcer's jokes and raffle prizes that were giving away, Neil Gaiman came in and everyone cheered. He said that he had a battle with the printer in the hotel. It was funny actually. And then he read us some parts of his latest novel The Anansi Boys and he was a good reader. *nods* He then showed us the movie from his book Mirror Mask and I want to watch it! And then after a question and answer portion, the book signing started at 5pm. I was wearing flats that time but my feet are really aching since there are no chairs in the tent except for the VIP people in front. I went out of the tent and sat there, talking with Seph and saw Cathy and Leslie.

So time passed by, Nissie had to go home early because Lester has a family dinner. That was 8 pm and I sat there waiting for my turn. Cathy and Leslie stayed with me, and then Kestrel came as well, and waited for me (thanks so much for waiting for me gals~!!!!)

By 10 pm, an announcer had said that all those people who had kids 15 years and below and with people who had serious disease or something to that matter can cut in the line. I got a bad feeling about it actually and I was somewhat pissed off. I was 340 and they were accomodating 300 already and I really thought that they are stopiing the signing to 300. And then I asked Seph if they really are stopping to 300. He said that I have to talk to the manager of Fully Booked. There he was signing numbers who were 500 and above and asking for them to return the next day so that they can have their rest and they will be prioritized in the Greenhills book signing. I asked him politely about the cut off and about my number, if I can get the book signed. He ignored me. HE FREAKING IGNORED ME! ^$&Q#^* That time I was boiling and I asked him in a pissed off tone and then finally he acknowledged me.

After a few minutes, the batch with my number in it was called and I was somewhat happy that I can have Rob's book signed after hours of wairing. I think it was 9pm that time. By the time it was my turn, I don't know what to say. Although he said "Aww" when he saw Rob's drawing in his book. He dedicated something in it Seph took a picture of me and him with Cathy's camera.

Finally, I can get out of the place. *phew*

Afterwards, me, Kestrel, Cathy and Leslie went to Eastwood to eat and chat. It's our once month a thing and it was the first time Kestrel went with us. After a few hours, we decided to call it a night and we decided to meet up next week since Kestrel will be leaving.

Oh yeah, Here's a journal entry of Neil in reference the event last saturday.

Thanks to Minami, for having me stay in your condo last Friday night. Thanks to Seph, Joanna, Nissie and Lester for hanging out with me before the event begins.. ^^ Thanks to Kestrel, Cathy, Leslie for waiting for me and to continue our gimick together.

Friday, July 8, 2005, 09:58 a.m.

+ ... +

mood:
music: Dive to Blue - L'arc-en-ciel

take the sky into your heart, into your heart.
I want to sink deep into that blue
wearing the endless night sky,
I look for a new world
I want to meet you but I can't,
I tremble wearing them but
these awakened wings won't fade away.

I'm still here in the client's company and now not only I have to worry about testing but making files from scrach. Hmm... I'm going to figure out first how this thing is going to be done.

The spamming group was supposed to watch Fantastic Four later but since most of them can't make it, we have decided to cancel it out.

And I felt rebellious today so I wore my RO shirt instead of a blouse. And I was supposed to go in late because I feel that I'm overworked already, but it turns out, I got in the building just in time. I can't believe that I actually made it since I left later than usual.

It's nice to see a text from your BF at the start of your day. I MISS YOU SO MUCH~!!! 17 days more... X.x

Thursday, July 7, 2005, 10:52 a.m.

+ an article from an email +

mood:
music: urei - kagrra

stars for the heavens, flowers for the earth
and for me, you were
pulling you close, for a kiss
we smiled at each other

This is a forwarded email which is a good read. Yes, it's about the Glorigate scandal that is happening in this god-forsaken country. I hope everything will return back to normal, but that would be wishing too much.

GLORIAGATE WINNERS-LOSERS

Philippine Economy. 50-50. Peso down versus the dollar. Businessmen are jittery. Amazingly however, the full impact initially thought the GloriaGate scandal will bring to the economy hasn't happened (yet!).

Filipino People. 50-50. Call it people-power fatigue. Call it political maturity. Call it apathy. Call it pragmatism (no-better-alternative-syndrome). The Filipinos are more discerning now of issues and are aware who is taking advantage of what. Either that, or we are pathetically dulled already not to react anymore to series upon series of scandals inflicted upon us.

PGMA. 50-50. Finally, an admission of what all of us knew already. It is of great irony that the same type of charges hauled by her camp against Erap a few years ago (jueteng and integrity )are now being used against her and her family. Sabi nga ng commercial...Bilog Ang Mundo. Her simple aspiration "not to be a great president but be a good president" has failed so soon. And her betrayal (once proven true) will be more hurting because she once epitomized our ideals and our hopes for our country.

She has been lucky though that the confluences of the apathy of the Filipino people, the still-loyal military, the sober Susan Roces, the rainy season, the school season, the not-so-photogenic whistle-blower that is Sammy Ong , and the not-so-conducive-for-revolution Guadalupe bridge are working to her advantage. But for how long? As Randy David said "if you will ask me if she will be president next week,.... I will say yes."

Noli de Castro. Winner. Some sectors are already courting him to replace PGMA. To his credit, he has not bitten the bait.....yet. (God help us when this happens - - Canada, here I come!)

Susan Roces. Winner. For being the picture of grace, sobriety, and common sense. For showing us the decent face of show business after our exposure for the longest time to the likes of shabu-using Ate Guy, tax-evading Richard Gomez, kidnapping-linked Dennis Roldan, almost-pedophilic Kris Aquino, and the general antics of Annabel Rama, Boy Abunda, and Christy Fermin. These are the showbiz creatures who inflict their disgusting presence on us... Truly, Swanee is the face that refreshes.

Rez Cortez. Loser. I reserved one full paragraph for this opportunist leech. Rez, please don't leave the day-job you are very good at : playing goon, bum, rapist, murderer , arsonist...and yes, Judas Iscariot. You have become to PGMA what Amay Bisaya was to Cory. (No offense to Amay!). Unsolicited advice to the government: first thing in your reform agenda is to uplift the plight of the movie industry so that unemployed actors like Rez and Nino Mulach will have worthwhile things to do other than dip their hands into politics

Samuel Ong / Sandra Cam. 50-50. While they may be telling the truth, their initials make me suspect their true motives and characters. S.ONG and S.CAM. One sings a not so perfect tune and the other is attempting to stage a scam.

Secretary Bunye : Loser. The most unenviable position in the land. Super ang dapa na una ang mukha. To be caught lying, fumbling and mumbling on national television at that. If I were Sec. Bunye, I would demand for a salary raise for all the humiliation I've experienced.

Garci. Winner. Instant celebrity. Maximum exposure for minimum effort.

Globe / Smart / Sun Telecoms: Winners. Text messages and ring tones galore. Panalo . Whoever made the "Hello Garci ring tone" should be honored with a Magsaysay Award.

Sgt. Doble. 50-50. Doble, meaning double. In his case, double-faced. The dramatic rescue by his wife through the help of texts will remain to be one of the comic highlights of this incident. This again proves how pusong-mamon our soldiers are. Bring in the crying wife, the wailing mother, and the wide-eyed innocent children...and whatever attempt to grab power dissipates. (see Oakwood mutiny)

NTC / DOJ. Losers. For having no balls to make good of their threat to arrest anyone in possession of the tape and ring tone. Suggestion : Arrest Secretary Bunye first. Sige nga....arestuhin ang may tape at ringtone? Hahahaha..baka mapuno ang kulungan.

Nene Pimentel. Loser. Give it a rest Nene while we still have an ounce of respect for you. Please do other worthwhile things for yourself at the twilight of your life (like having your huge eye bags removed, for one). Same goes to Ping Lacson, Kit Tatad and all those who are obviously trying to maximize for their own benefit this gloriagate scandal. Ang babait ninyo....sana, kunin na kayo ni Lord.

Cardinal Jaime Sin. Winner. For supporting and being a main player in two successful People Power movements, and for having the presence of mind to die and not witness what People Power has been reduced to.

The Arroyo Men. Losers. Losers. Losers. Gloria, these men are literally the rust that will destroy the steel that is you. The mere physical appearance of Mike Arroyo (despite the cosmetic surgery) is repulsive enough. And that...that..that...... Mikey Arroyo has the guts to have a movie shown at the height of the jueteng and gloriagate scandal. Pity to the movie producer and more pity to the moviegoers. These Arroyo Men are simply walking human rights violations.

San Carlos Seminary. Loser. This is definitely no Edsa Shrine. There is nothing photogenic with this place and hardly the place to inspire another people power. True, the "Filipino can stop military tanks" in 1986, but this time no amount of courage can make us stop smoke belching flying buses driven by a maniacal drivers along Edsa. While the Edsa Shrine has the prominent statue of the Virgin Mary for inspiration, San Carlos Seminary has the view of the Mesolipo advertisement billboard of Dra. Belo.

And so the question remains..... Will there be Edsa 4? As Melanie Marquez would say "you can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice......but you can never fool me four." This is the story of our lives. Same shit, different politicians. It constantly amazes me how resilient, humorous, masochistic, and patient we are as a people. God Bless the Philippines, indeed!

---

As for my end, I am not that of a Gloria fan but I know that she is doing everything in her power to make the Philippines solmehow survive the edconomic crisis. Think about it, before the scandal came, the economy is somehow getting to it's feet, unfortunately, someone thought that maybe the economy will be on it's feet when they do a scandal.

Or maybe some people are crazy. An d for the record, I didn't vote for PGMA, and neither on FPJ. I didn't vote.

Wednesday, July 6, 2005, 04:58 p.m.

+ and the countdown begins... +

mood:
music: Lost Heaven - L'arc-en-ciel

We'll say goodbye, lost Heaven.
How we longed for Heaven.
We're letting go of something we never had.
Time goes so fast, Heaven is lost.

Yesterday, I got to work at 8 am, despite the rain and cloudy skies. It seems have this habit of waking up at 5 am, have my water heated, while playing my game and then I will take a bath and dress up for work.

Well, last night, I came out from work at 11:30 pm, and got home about 1 am. More than 12 hours in the office is sometimes not good for you. It seems that I spend more and more time in the office than home. Maybe it's because unconsciously, I wanted to wait for Robert to go online since I miss him terribly. I am mentally counting down the days before he goes back.

So, I'm trying my very best to not really miss him that much and focus on my work. Unfortunately, the only thing that I constantly is doing is eat. I think I'm getting fatter and I would be starting my diet when he returns. X.x Bakit pa ako masgdi-diet kung ala naman yung purpose nang pinagdi-diet ko? :P

Last night, I had my chance and got to talk to him before I leave. He somewhat scolded me in being still in the office at that time. But I was happy last night because I got to talk to him even for a little bit. I remember the time when I took all of my courage and add him in MSN and finally speak with him. *day dreams*

*slaps self* So now, I'm trying to busy myself with work and pen & paper RPG that I joined. Of course, I cook, go out with friends, cross stitch, play games, sleep and prolly surf the internet.

OK, back to work or else yung libre nang boss ko di na matutupad... wahahah

Tuesday, July 5, 2005, 04:43 p.m.

+ so that's how early i should be? +

mood:
music: One winged Angel - FFVII OST

Burning inside
with violent anger,
Burning inside
with violent anger,
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Good thing for me, I slept before 12 midnight. I think being aake after midnight drains me much more than sleeping before 12. I woke up at 5:30 am and rushed in the CR. Originally, I planned going to work at 6 am since our lead had asked us all to get to work at 8:30 am.

I found out that when I get out of the house by 6:30 am, I can get to the office by 8 am. It was wonderfully early and wet morning for me though because the storm is coming here and the rain has been pouring nonstop since last night.

Another thing, the PC that I was using here in the client wsa locked so I don't know the password, neither the other people here so they had decidedd to give me a laptop top use. I'm still trying figure out which keys to push when I'm rushing something.

---

And then here's an article for Filipinos... It's being circulating in the mail...

Walang kwenta ang Pilipinas
By: jawbreaker. (isang ordinaryong office worker na ayaw na magbayad ng tax...ever!)

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sukang-suka na ko sa mga nangyayari sa bansang 'to! Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos, pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa bawat isa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu pero wala namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na pag-aagawan ng kapangyarihan sa pagitan ng mga partido, patuloy na pagdami ng tamad at tangang Pilipino, patuloy na pakikipaglaban ng ideolohiyang wala namang silbi. Ang gobyerno ng Pilipinas, talo pa ang septic tank na hinihigop ng Malabanan - saksakan ng dumi at napakabaho. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka na ang Pilipinas ang isa sa pinakamahirap at corrupt na bansa sa mundo. Kasi lahat sila bulok, lahat sila walang kwenta. Lahat sila sugapa sa kapangyarihan at sa pera.

ANAK NG TETENG! !$#%Q!&!* @!!!!!

KAHIT KRISTIYANO AKO, HINDI KO MAPIGILANG MAGMURA AT HILINGIN SA DIYOS (MINSAN NGA PATI SA DEMONYO) NA MAMATAY NA SILANG LAHAT AT I- BBQ SILA NG HABANG-BUHAY SA IMPIERNO. SINONG "SILA"? EH DI MGA CORRUPT NA GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND WORKERS, MGA TAMBAY NA PILIPINO NA ANG LALAKI NG KATAWAN PERO HINDI NAMAN NAGTRATRABAHO AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX, MGA MAYAYAMAN AT ARISTANG TAX EVADERS, PATI MGA AKTIBISTA, NPA AT IBA PANG IDEOLOGICAL GROUPS NA HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX PERO PANG-GULO!!! MAMATAY NA KAYO!!!

Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko: Ipaglaban ang masa! Tulungan ang masa! Mahalin ang masa!

PUNYETA! MASA LANG BA ANG TAO SA PILIPINAS? SINO BA TALAGA ANG BUMUBUHAY SA PUNYETANG BANSANG TO? SAAN BA GALING ANG PANGPAGAWA NG MGA TULAY AT KALYE? SAAN BA GALING ANG PORK BARREL? SAAN BA GALING ANG PERANG KINUKURAKOT NYO? KAMI NA MGA MANGGAGAWA AT MIDDLE CLASS NA BAGO PA MAKUHA ANG SWELDO BAWAS NA - KAMI ANG BUMUBUHAY SA WALANG KWENTANG BANSA NA 'TO!!!!!!!!! BAKIT YANG BANG MGA MASANG YAN NA LAGI NA LANG SENTRO NG PLATAPORMA NG MGA PULITIKO EH NAGBABAYAD BA NG TAX???!!!! F**K YOU! KAHIT ISA SA MGA NAG-RA-RALLYING MGA SQUATTER NA YAN, KAHIT SINGKO HINDI NAG-RE-REMIT YAN SA BIR! PERO PINAPAKINGGAN BA KAMI NG GOBYERNO? LAGI NA LANG OPINYON NG MASA ANG INIINTINDI NG GOBYERNO. KUNG SINO ANG NAG-RA-RALLY, SA EDSA, SILA ANG NASUSUNOD. KUNG SINO ANG MAS MALAKAS SUMIGAW PERO WALA NAMANG ECONOMIC CONTRIBUTION, SILA LAGI ANG FOCUS PAG MAY PROBLEMA. SILA LAGI ANG BIDA. KAMING MGA ORDINARYONG OFFICE WORKERS, OFW'S, LABORERS AT IBA PANG NAG-TRA-TRABAHO AT NAGBABAYAD NG TAX - KAMI ANG NAGPAPAKAHIRAP PARA BUHAYIN ANG PILIPINAS. KAMI ANG MGA TUNAY NA BAYANI NG BANSA!!!

Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko, nag-iinit ang ulo ko at gusto kong maiyak sa inis. Napakalaki ng tax na binabawas sa akin pero ginagamit lang sa walang kwentang bagay ang perang pinaghirapan ko. Lahat ng pagtitipid ginagawa ko para suportahan ang sarili ko, pamilya ko at ang punyetang bansang to. Ni hindi ako makabili ng chicken and spaghetti meal sa Jollibee kahit gutom na gutom na ko. Nag-tya-tyaga ako sa waffle na tig-P10, o kaya pag may konting pera, junior bola-bola siopao sa Mini-Stop sa halangang P20. Eh kung yung pera ko na pinapangbabayad sa tax sa kin na lang napunta, eh di sana nakakapanood pa ko ng sine at least 2 beses sa isang buwan. Nakabili na sana ako ng bagong rubber shoes. Nakapagpagawa na sana ako ng sarili kong bahay. Yung tax na binabayad ko, karamihan nun derecho sa bulsa ng mga corrupt na mga government officials at workers. Habang hirap na hirap akong i-budget ang pera ko, sila naman nagpapakasarap sa mga mansyon. SUV's at luxury cars pa ang dina-d rive nila, samantalang ako sa pedicab lang sumasakay!

P****** INA! PERA KO YANG PINAPAGPAPASASAAN NYO!!!!! Yung tax na binabayad ko, pinapangsuporta sa mga mahihirap. Saan ba galing ang pera pangpagawa ng housing at pagtulong sa mga mahihirap, di ba sa mga manggagawa na nagbabayad ng buwis! Pero karamihan ng mahihirap, kung umasta kala mo inaapi sila ng sobra.

SA TOTOO LANG NO, KAYA ANG MGA MAHIHIRAP LALONG NAGHIHIRAP KASI MGA TAMAD! Ang daming mga tambay sa kalye na walang trabaho pero ang laki ng katawan. Eh kung sila ba nagkargador sa pier eh di sana may pera sila.

TAPOS WALA NA NGANG PERA, ANAK PA NG ANAK! PUNYETA! LALO NYO LANG PINAPADAMI ANG TAMAD AT TANGA SA MUNDO!!!!! Naaawa ako sa mga batang pakalat-kalat sa kalye at namamalimos. Imbes na nag-aaral, dumadagdag lang sila sa bilang ng mga future criminals sa Pinas. Hindi ako magtataka na yung batang nakita kong namamalimos sa Cubao, pagkatapos ng ilang taon cellphone snatcher na.

YUNG MGA MAGULANG NAMAN DYAN, COMMON SENSE LANG! HIRAP NA HIRAP NA NGA KAYO SA BUHAY, MANGDADAMAY PA KAYO NG IBA?! PAPARAMIHAN NYO PA LAHI NYO!

Palibhasa walang mga trabaho at walang pinagkaka-abalahan, kaya nagkakalabitan at nagsusundutan na lang maghapon, magdamag. Sa totoo lang, nakakabilib. Kasi kahit sa ilalim ng tulay o sa kariton lang, nakakabuo pa rin ng bata! Ibig sabihin, maabilidad ang mga Pinoy. Kung gugustuhin, gagawan ng paraan. Kahit sa makipot, mabaho at maduming lugar - SOLVE! Isa pang mga grupo ng tao na nakakainis, yung mga aktibista, NPA at kung ano-ano pang ideological political groups. Sabi nila, mahal na mahal nila ang Pilipinas kaya pinagpalalaban nila ang kanilang mga adhikain.

PUNYETA! EH HINDI RIN KAYO NAGBABAYAD NG TAX! ANG KAKAPAL RIN NG MGA MUKHA NYO! MGA IPOKRITO! MAHAL DAW ANG PILIPINAS AYAW NAMAN MAGBAYAD NG BUWIS! BAKIT MAY BIR COLLECTOR BA SA GITNA NG MENDIOLA AT EDSA?! MAY TAX COLLECTION BA SA BUNDOK?! WALA DIN NAMAN KAYONG MGA TRABAHO! KUNG MAY TRABAHO TALAGA KAYO, HINDI KAYO MAG-RA-RALLY DAHIL SAYANG ANG SWELDO NYO PAG ABSENT KAYO! PAANO NYO MAIPAPAKITA ANG PAGMAMAHAL NYO SA PILIPINAS KUNG WALA NA KAYONG GAWANG MATINO KUNDI MAG-RALLY AT MAMUNDOK??!!! ISA PA YANG MGA MAYAYAMAN AT MGA ARTISTA, NA NANGDADAYA AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG BUWIS. ANG KAKAPAL NG MUKHA NYO! ANG DAMI NYO NA NGANG PERA NANGDADAYA PA KAYO SA TAX!!!! HINDI NYO NAMAN MADADALA SA IMPIERNO YANG MGA KAYAMAN NYO. MASUSUNOG LANG DUN YAN. KAYA LALONG BUMABAGSAK ANG NEGOSYO DITO SA PILIPINAS, KASI MGA NEGOSYANTE MANDARAYA. PATI SHOWBIZ INDUSTRY, BAGSAK NA DIN. KARMA ANG TAWAG DYAN. MGA BALASUBAS KASI.

Sana magkaron ng POLITICAL AND NATIONAL CLEANSING.

- Alisin (mas maganda kung patayin na lang) ang lahat ng pulitiko at political families sa puwesto
- Tibagin ang lahat ng mapanirang organizations at grupo.
- Itapon sa malayong isla o kaya i-pwersa ng hard labor ang mga sobrang tamad na mga Pilipino.
- Ihiwalay ang mga bata sa kanilang mga tamad at tangang magulang
upang makapag-aral sila at maturuan na maging mabuting tao at mamamayan.
- Magkaron ng bagong lider na walang political ties at utang na loob sa kahit sino.
At higit sa lahat, dapat tax payers lang ang pwedeng bumoto!

Kung kinakailangang magka-giyera para magtino ang mga Pilipino, ayos lang. Masyado na kasing matigas ang ulo ng mga tao dito. Gusto ng kalayaan, pero hindi naman handang panagutan ang responsibilidad ng pagiging malaya. Meron daw pinaglalaban na prinsipyo at adhikain pero takot namang mamatay para dito. (Sa mga nakaka-alam sa anime na Gundam Wing, yan ang inspirasyon ko sa new Pinas hehe. I love you Zechs! I love you Treize!)

Hangga't hindi nagkakaron ng radical change, patuloy na walang kwenta ang Pilipinas at patuloy na magiging tanga ang majority ng mga Pilipino. Sa dami ng nag-mi-migrate na Pilipino sa ibang bansa, dadating ang panahon na minority na lang ng population sa Pilipinas ang may utak. Yung mga magagaling na Pilipino, malamang maubos na. Sobra na kasi silang na-fru-frustrate at na-de-depress sa mga nakikita nila. Ilang taon pa at aalis na rin ako sa Pilipinas. Wala kong balak na magkaron ng pamilya sa isang bansa na hindi pinapahalagahan ang kontribusyon ng mga taong tunay na bumubuhay dito. Kawawa naman ang magiging anak ko kung dito sya mabubuhay. Sa totoo lang, broken hearted ako. Minahal ko din ang bansang ito. Pilit kong pinagtatanggol kahit bulok. Nakarating na ko ng ibang bansa, pero pinili kong bumalik. Pero ngayon, ayoko na. Suko na ko. Sayang lang ako sa bansang to. Simple lang naman ang hiling ko. Gusto ko lang mabuhay ng tahimik at maayos. Gusto ko na kahit paano eh maipa gmalaki ang Pilipinas. Pero wala eh. Doomed to be jologs ang bansang to.

Alam ko marami pa ang umaasa at naniniwala sa pagbabago. Good luck and God bless! Sana tama kayo at mali ako.

---

In other news, I'm trying to finish Final Fantasy VII without (TAKE NOTE the WITHOUT) a walkthrough... yet. Because I can't print anything here for the time being and so far, I don't think I don't need a walkthrough just yet since I can still manage.

Monday, July 4, 2005, 10:07 a.m.

+ 2 hours? +

mood:
music: Butterfly's Sleep - L'arc-en-ciel

Please rise from the dead on earth with my last kiss.
I don't care if the world is reduced to ash
I don't care if they scramble around grabbing at everything.
No matter what wish is made, only sadness comes of it.

Am here now in the client's side and I almost came in late. Not because I woke up late. I got up at 6:15 am, got dressed and was finished by 7 am. My time here in the client was 9 am and I really thought I have enough time.

when I got to the station where I can catch a ride to Makati, the freaking line is so long~!!!! Gah, I spend an hour waiting in line.

Note to self: Tomorrow, go to station at an earlier time.

In other news, I really dislike a guy who seems to full of himself and thinks we, women are just toys in their bidding. Well sorry to say, once you had tackled that path, I would not back down and beat the crap out of you. I am not a feminist but I know when I'm insulted.

There's a survey I answered in Livejournal

Three names you go by:
Jewel
Rien
Angst no Miko

Three screen names you have had:
rien
juworu
angstnomiko

Three physical things you like about yourself:
my light brown eyes (very unsual for an asia)
my bleached hair (i'm their beam)
my height

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
my body.... am fat T-T
my legs
my nose

Three parts of your heritage:
Filipino
Spanish
Chinese

Three things that scare you:
Losing my my love ones and friends
Living with regrets
Dying with no one to miss you

Three of your everyday essentials:
Eating
Playing games (may it be in the PS or PC)
Sleeping

If we're talking about physical stuff:
Cellphone
Book
Wallet

Three of your favorite bands/musical artist:
L'arc-en-ciel
Dir en Grey
Utada Hikaru

Three of your favorite songs:
L'arc-en-ciel - Anata
Dir en Grey - Umbrella
Utada Hikaru - First Love

Three things you want in a relationship:
Communication
Compromise
Understanding

Three truths and lies in no particular order:
I was president of the Student Council back in college.
I can't do a website/html coding.
I finished a 100 page encoding in 3 days, with my normal work interferring.
I have a dozens of godchildren.
I am 18 years old.
My hair is naturally black.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
Eyes
Height
Open-Mindedness

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Reading
Net Surfing/Blogging
Playing Computer Games

Three things you want to do really badly now:
Play Games
Finish Reading the book.
Sleep.

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:
Game Tester
Architect
Website Designer

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Puerto AGAIN~!!!!
Japan.
UK.

Three kid's name you like:
Giovanni
Lily
Alexandria
Three things you want to do before you die:
Meet ~~Yukihiro Awaji~~ L'arc-en-ciel~!!!!
Learn to Drive a car.
Be a game tester.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy/girl:
*looks at chest* does that count?
I am somewhat vain.
I like to argue with men about women.

Three celebrity crushes:
Johnny Depp
Awaji Yukihiro of L'arc-en-ciel
Kyo of Dir en Grey

In other related news, I'm in the middle of reading Robert's book, Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors. I was supposed to have it signed when Neil Gaiman went here in the philippines but I don't think I can have it signed because there's a pass you have to get before going to line and you have to purchase a book as well... *sighs*

Anyways, I really liked the book. It's a collection of stories and they really tickled my senses that I almost didn't sleep the other night from reading. One of the stories that I liked was the Chivalry. The sotry was about an old woman finding the Holy Grail in a store and purchsed it for decoration. Then a knight, Sir Galaad suddenly appears requesting for the Holy Grail. He then started to give her gifts in exhange.

There was this one poem that I liked, which entitled Nicholas Was. It gave me another perspective of what I believed to be the "jolly man in red, in christmas day".

When I finished this book, I would prolly borrow some more books from Robert... ^^