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I just found out that I was shortchanged by a thousand dollars for my bonus!!! ahaha

When the Lord provides, He sure pours! Thank you Lord. You really are the true provider!!

If not for a mistaken slip during the little Christmas gathering at my place this afternoon, I would never know that the government, yes the super efficient Singaporean government, actually shortchanged me by SO MUCH! haha

But I am happy. This means more money for the new year! :)

Maybe now I should really take my CG out for dinner! ahha






Well at least I know now. No need for any more confusion.

Sigh.

Merry Christmas Lav.

I'm so glad for the party at Anne's with the champagne, company and carollers. This is truly Christmas with the folks and the extended folks. haha

Merry Christmas sweethearts.






Four times in these past 3 months, I have tried to help people and be a good Samarithan, and it has ended up in me being abused, punished, deprived and scolded.

Why Lord, why? What am I doing wrong?

I am so, so tired of always giving things up and being instantly punished, even when I try to have fun and let loose a little.

And I really, really hate pretending that everything is ok, when it's not. It's bad. It's hopeless.

I just want to end it all. Now. Forever.






......is to be your Cinderella.

That's it.






What is with this torrential rain?

I can't even go across the street without wading through ankle high depths of water!! Since when did the monsoon season get so bad??






Well, its 7am and again I am up cuz the pain from my back has now moved to the right side of my tummy. Sigh. I hope it goes away soon so I can go to church to help with the clean up.

Anyway, I did this little quiz in a bid to distract myself. I can't believe it says that I closely resemble Shu Qi the most. This is insane. I am not even Chinese!! Thought I would get Rihanna or something. But I ain't complaining-Shu Qi is hot! haha








hey guys...do pray for me k?

I seem to have these sharp shooting pains on the bottom part of the right side of my back and now it has moved to the right side of my hip. Sometimes the pain gets so intense, the right side of my tummy also hurts. It only happens at night so I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days as I spend my nights in alot of pain, before I pass out of exhaustion at around 9am.

It's been getting worse the past few days when I was awake from 5.45am all the way till 9am in pain, running a temperature and puking. The doctor suspects I may have a kidney stone but my urine is clear with no blood so its very suspicious because that would be the first sign of a kidney stone. Also, the doctor doesn't know if it is just a muscular stretch because I seem to be able to do all the regular stretching exercises with no pain. It's just very very weird that the pain comes only at night.

I really hope its not a big deal and just a muscular problem and digestion abnormalies. If not, I will have to go for an operation. :( Please pray for me. Thanks! :)






Intellectual conversations always get my blood pumping and my mind working. Gosh it has been quite a while since I had a academic or thought provoking conversation about a recent political event!

And boy does it get my adrenaline pumping still. haha Especially when you are challenged and have to think on your feet and dig up evidences to support your arguements within split seconds. haha

Ahh....such bliss. I don't really think I get quite enough of it. And who knew that he could actually bring out that side of me? I always thought it was the history girls, Chindia and Taylor and co, who would engage in such discussions with me.

Interesting. Looks like there is more there than meets the eye.






I think I am really a naive little brown girl.

Last Friday, at Marc's housewarming, a couple of his friends and I were deep in discussion about various issues-political and romantic, and many times, I was called doe-eyed, idealistic and sweet. Now we all know these are not adjectives one would usually associate with me. But lately, it seems like I really am channeling the above characteristics. I always assumed that other people I knew, personified these characteristic typically associated with innoncence and a lack of experience, and that I for one, was a jaded and critical soul.

But I think its highly possible, that I regressed into this idealistic pragmatism of naivete.

Like, is it too hard to believe that there can be equality in political representation?

Or is it so difficult to enact racial harmony and not just racial tolerance?

Or is it so difficult to assume that when you talk to a girl for the first time, it is not always a pick up line but a get-to-know-you conversation?

Or that if you say you like someone, you wouldn't go around looking at other girls and not avoid talking about the girl you like to other friends.

Or that if you make your interest in someone clear, you wouldn't go around "kissing" and "marrying" random girls on Facebook.

Idealism is but imagination-a construct we lend to euphemize life. And lav stands as a very big victim.






I decided. I am a wannabe Paragon taitai.

To celebrate the start of my holidays and to celebrate Sharmaine's birthday, I decided to bring all my sisters out for a day and night on the town. Unfortunately, Sharmaine could only join us in the late afternoon after school, so I decided to bring Claudia out first for a spot of shopping.

So off I went to Orchard with Claudia in tow as we headed to Paragon and dined for a simple and delicious lunch at Thai Express, shopped at Toys R Us whilst munching on some Old Chang Kee. It was then that Claudia asked to sit for a bit and have a drink so I brought her to Starbucks at the Basement of Paragon. So here you have this older sister and very young sister having Hot Chocolate at Starbucks. Naturally, as expected, alot of people assumed she was my daughter. As we were having our drink, Claudia made friends with this little blonde haired girl and they started talking and playing together. Soon, her mother started talking to me and assumed I was expat too and started remarking that I was a very young mother.

I dare say, that there was the strangest thing ever. Of course, I promptly set her straight, of which she was so amazed. Needless to say, my posh little evening with Claudia ended with meeting Sharmaine later and in a 2 movie marathon of the Bee Movie and my second watching of Enchanted.

It was really surreal. To spend some quality time with my little sister in a place where high society mothers spend time with their children. Even for the while that I brought Claudia to Toys 'R' Us to play with the toys whilst I shopped around, I realised how Paragon is so different from alot of Orchard Road. If Far East is full of teenagers and Takashimaya is full of young executives, Paragon is full of high flying professionals, their other halfs and their children. I saw so many men in suits, meeting their girlfriends and wives for lunch or dinner. Later, in the evening, I even saw men in power suits, carrying the shopping bags of their wives or girlfriends as they fleeted in and out of Coast, Prada and Gucci. It was enviable I suppose, on some level, to see these local, foreign and sometimes an interacial union of two embarking on such typically Christmas activities.

Whilst it all made me smile and perhaps in my heart of hearts, hope that I will one day, be privy to a life or luxury like that, I began to ponder more about the dynamics of the relationships I was exploring, rather than the activity of the relationships themselves. Was there really love in these relationships? Or was it some simple brazen call of nature that bonded these relationships? Was it a simple excuse of not wanting to rock the boat? And then I wondered about these mothers who were spending time with their children in these high society playgrounds and food places. Was there real bonding taking place? Was this just an occasional thing they did on free days?

I was not there to judge anyone, but rather to take back learning points that I want in my life. I know how I want to spend my afternoons every fortnight or so. I know how I want to bring my children up, if I ever have any. And now I even know exactly what and how I want my man and my relationship to be, if I ever have one. It's kind of weird, but finally, after many years of drifting and being evasive, I am finally sure about what exactly I want and need in life.

Yes, they do involve bonding sessions in taitai places like Paragon, but they also involve a simple walk in a park, a church activity or even cleaning the house. There are alot of things I want. Alot of things I want to make happen. But for now, I am very content for being enlightened to it, and maybe trying and testing it with my dear sisters. haha

Mummy says I better have a maid and possibly a well established husband to support this lavish desires of mine. hahaa But no really, I don't need to be doing these lofty and pretentious activities. It's the spirit of these activities that I want to capture and recreate-in any way possible. :)






So, due to the recent influence of a certain witty individual, I have taken to watching hilariously intelligent Youtube videos. Anyway, I stumbled upon this the other day whilst doing some random search. So far, our pool of witty and hilarious videos have been mostly English and at times American. But finally, we have this SUPERBLY HILARIOUS and might I even say, EMBARASSING Singapore video to watch. I must say it is quite entertaining and definitely a commendable shot at trying to liberalize Singapore. Goodness, people should watch and listen to what they say sometimes too.

Go watch it! Oh and after you are done, you MUST, MUST read THIS! .



What did you think? Can you imagine the Sporean accents and the Americanized words? I was reeling with so much laugher, the dichotomy certainly only tickled me even further! Then seeing the article and the photoshopped mages of LKY and his gangsta' name just killed me.

I am a laughing hyena at 1am! Now, I just have to share it with my partner in humour.






It's a mad rush to the end! One final assignment on creating an English lesson plan.

Pushing on with zero creative juices and constant distractions to shop, sleep and watch TV! haha

So in a desperate attempt, I asked mother dearest for ideas on how to create an English lesson that would teach reading and writing skills on the theme of Endangered Animals. And this was her reply..

"Make them do some research on an endangered animal and present in class. Then discuss the presentations and make them do an essay."

*shakes head* Maybe now I know why they send us to NIE and do a post-grad diploma in Education. At least even if I don't learn, I know that creativity must emerge somehow! haha






School ends on Wednesday and I have an INSANE amount of work due by tomorrow.

I have to complete a Field Trip Package on Katong, Reflections on Disabilities, Reflections on Webquest, and prepare for an oral test. And after this is over, I still have to complete an English lesson plan that is due on Thursday, and prepare materials for a dry run for my service learning project that is going to happen on Tuesday.

Sigh. NIE is all about rushing work for some reason. And the best part is, it's not very challenging or intellectual work. I suppose that is what makes me more reluctant to do it.

Gosh, I have to press on. In less than 3 days, I am going to be free and can rest, relax and just concentrate on minor projects!






Meet my hilarious class of history teachers....

Of such pretty girls...

And hilarious boys...

Who did crazy antics like get 'married'...

Relive Kampung Days...

And Eat all we can during our spare time...

Talk about unexpected miracles and one too many laughs.






An avalanche of my inadequacies indeed.

I am sorry to have buried you under them.






So for all of you out there who have been asking me what is going on and how am I? Well here is the answer. And I hate it. I assure you.

And I can’t stand ya
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like it for awhile
No.. but you won’t let me
You upset me, then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset
Can’t remember what you did

Well I hate it
You know exactly what to do
So that I can’t stay mad at you
For too long, that’s wrong
Girl, I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore

And I hate how much I love you boy
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so..

And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh
Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact
that I love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain’t right

One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me
And your kiss won’t make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you’ll probably always have a spell on me






Here is an Inspirational Video when you need Encouragement. It's really comforting and makes you realise the power of God's grace and path for your life.

It's especially for you Mr Neo. Hang in there. :)








I know I sometimes seem very harsh, judgemental and even flippant in my actions, words and thoughts. But really, I often don't mean any malice or hurt. Sometimes, I don't even mean it in a judging way, eventho it comes out as so. However, I know I still inflict those feelings and thoughts.

And for this, I would like to apologise for anyone and everyone whom I may have intentionally and unintentionally done this to. I really, really am sorry.

This week, I was privy to how alot of you feel when I say some things or how hurtful comments, in general, can stab you in the heart, time and time again. I have felt how it is like to wake up in the middle of the night in shock, tears and worry if those words are really you. I have felt what it is like to stand at a bus stop and recall hurtful words and just want to cry right there and then.

So, I would really like to apologise to all. Really.

I am so, so sorry. Please tell me next time if I have hurt you in any way. I do want to stand corrected. I am not perfect and probably far more imperfect than all of you.






I have a new weakness. Something I never really thought I would completely succumb to, but I am sadly completely surrendered to the unadulterated power of this phenomena.

And its called European cinema.

Seriously. Do not diss it, until you have tried it. Apart from the general proliferation of British movies, I had never gone past a random sampling of French or Italian movies. And of course, we could debate further here that Britain is not really European, aside from its EU membership which is really nothing much more than perfunctory. But alas, that is another debate for another time.

But really, European cinema is the next big thing. We had Hollywood (and I suppose we still do to some limited extent if you are fan of chick flicks and trashy horror movies), and then we had Chinese cinema-especially movies of pre-WWII Shanghai, and finally followed very closely by the rise of Bollywood (which still thrives at a whooping 4 movie releases a day statistic). But amidst all these excitement of these genres of cinema, European cinema lay low and continued its progressive climb to the top.

And its efforts have truly paid for. It produces movies that are far from slapstick, innane, cliche or for that matter even too historical. It is a combination of all- in tandem to propel the senses towards a deeper meaning and metacognitive process.

So moving from French and Italian cinema, I discovered Spanish movies lately that have really got my mind and my heart racing with their intelligence, wit and oh-so-charming actors. And soon, within the next week, I am going to try German and Polish cinema.

Unfortunately, this pursuit of mine is not well received. Firstly, people are not too keen on watching European movies-especially one that is in a language different from their own. But really, why should that stop you? No one has had a holistic educational process by living or reading things based on their own country or culture. ever.

Never underestimate the power of cinema. I suppose I would be considered a large proponent of popular culture given that I wrote a thesis and an ISM on it. Heck, my thesis was actually a large combination of Hollywood and European cinematic portrayal of a historical phenomena. Murfett used to always diss the Hollywood movies and I never could really understand why but lately, I have begun to catch a glimpse into his perspective with these thought-provoking and entertaining European cinema that leave me smiling AND thinking when I leave the place.

So, if any of you are keen, and would like to see what European cinema is like, or for that matter, like a companion to engage in discussion in, do ask me what. There are SO many European movies out now and I really, really want to watch them. And I am close to just watching them alone if I have to. hahaa It's really not expensive-tix are the same price as regular cinemas. And now they even show European films on tv on Central every Sunday, and let's just say that saying I am hooked is an understatement. ahhaa

Here's what I want to see. And yes, they all come with Englsh subtitles.



A French movie that stars Audrey Tautou (from Da Vinci Code for all you Dan Brown enthusiasts). This is a very interesting tale of four destinies at a crossroads, four people who learn each other's ways, come to know one another, love one another and live under a single roof. Together, they learn to ease their doubts and sorrows and make their dreams come true.



A Polish movie. Mariola dreams about a better life. She wants to leave the small provincial town where she lives. Her boyfriend Artur invites her for a short vacation to Germany, the country of his residence, to introduce beautiful fiancé to his parents. On their way they spend the night at Artur's friends in Berlin. When his pals show up, they hand him the money. It turns out that Mariola has just been sold to be a prostitute. Two million people are sold worldwide everyday. Two hundred thousand of them are women sold to work in brothels. Fifteen thousand of them are Polish women. The film is a story about one of them.



HOTEL VERY WELCOME
A German docu-movie of 5 westerners as they travel through Asia and what they say and construe of it and themselves. A film that acutely reprsents a crosssection of westerners who treat Asia as an exotic pleasure park or place to escape.




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Lav is an idealistic yet pragmatic individual, who writes this blog as an avenue for others to have insight to her life, thoughts and aspirations. Often dramatic, quirky but all around entertaining, this hedonistic yet spiritual female often questions far too much more than she should. Perhaps her expectations are too high but she believes in the beauty of her dreams. Happy endings are not what she dreams of but fulfilled promises, mercies from God, martinis with wonderful friends, pretty frocks, quaint dinners, blooming flowers, popped collars and witty repartee never fail to captivate her. To her, life can only be lived forwards and understood backwards.

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