And all those sweet nothings amount to nothing
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Maybe its the fact that I have so many weddings to attend this year. Or just mybe its the fact that I'm getting old, but lately, I've been thinking alot about this concept of getting together, staying together and possibly getting married.
How exactly does it work? Do you wake up one day and decide he/she is the one you want to marry? Or do you one day realise that you're getting old and should settle down soon? Or do we really actually be victim to Cupid and fall so madly in love, that we cannot imagine a day without that person that we have to marry him/her? Dare I say this, but can that actually still exist?
On Saturday at Terrence's wedding helpers meeting, Tara and I lapsed into our own private conversation as she revealed how she is too afraid of getting cold feet when she weds BP in Nov. She went on to say how she has to consciously remind herself one too many times that she has a great thing going and she does love him and he loves her and she should definitely go ahead with this wedding and not give in to all the 'what ifs' and fears in her mind. Maybe her revelation came as a shock to Anne who was eavesdropping on our conversation but I didn't really to me.
Perhaps young idealistic Lav at 17 would have responded to Tara with a quick "you shouldn't marry him unless you're super sure. There should be more love than that." But now, so many years later, after having seen so much, I could not help but agree with her. After a while you realise that getting married is a decision you make. Not really only a feeling. Note how I said only a feeling. It is fundamentally is a feeling but really it's more that just an emotion but a conscious decision one makes to commit and love a particular person...forever... And you can't fault Tara for that. Heck, I sometimes think that if (and that is a big IF in itself)I ever get married, a large part of it would be due to a conscious choice to not be alone and get married- not necessarily cuz I'm swept off my feet. Though I often daydream that it will be because he is my soulmate and he feels the same way about me, I know that real life is never that way. Such specific reality is limited to Hollywood romances and the lucky few in life.
Talking to Euns today made me see that maybe I'm just tired or really quite literally given up on alot of ideals, given their lofty illusions. Don't get me wrong. I still believe so much in love and romance even if the odds are against me. But as Euns said, that is if you don't put God in the picture. And she was right. As I reflected about it during my MRT ride back, I realised that in the past year, I really did give alot of it up to God. He knew my heart and my choice but I surrendered to his will and its amazing how he has led me to be alright with his decision. It's not apathy but really just trust and believe that there are bright and wonderful days ahead for me and that I will find them.
Cuz underneath all that pain and fear, is really alot of hope that I just don't articulate to many.
Insomniac
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
You know how parents always say a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Well apparently, my brain can't get to sleep. My body is so tired and all I want to do is curl in bed and let the worries of the world worry for themselves but no my brain apparently has other plans, along with my extremely queasy stomach.
I keep thinking about how next academic year is going to be horrible and more than a challenge in itself. The need to maintain a B+ average for every class seems almost impossible given my puny brain and the crazy amount of work honours classes doll out for history majors. Then is that is not problem enough, I'm off worrying about thesis and ISM topics and how I don't have sufficiently deep topics to do research on.
Well so yea, my brain is mostly clouded with academic concerns and I have almost already decided what I am going to do next semester- all in my holiday. Now answer this.
Why am I worrying about school during my holidays when I don't even worry about it during term time?
Ughh I am turning into a geek. Now can I get some sleep? Its blardie 4am!
Passage to India
Monday, May 22, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
As strange as this sounds, it feels weird to be back. Not that I don't like being back, but again I don't really feel like I wanted to be back. It was almost as if India became such a part of me, there was more to do and see.
And to think so many thought I would not survive it and would be dying to be back. ahhaa
I suppose it was my fantastic travel buddies and the many crazy adventures we embarked on that made this trip more than just colourful but a permanent memory in my mind.
Isn't it amazing to realize what small blessings God puts in your life that end up blessing your entire life and not just part of it?
Taj Reports from the Raj
Friday, May 12, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Reporting live from India at Agra!
I actually saw the Taj Mahal today and sat on the marble structure that Shah Jahan created albeit much cruelty to mark the memory of his beloved wife. It’s too surreal to think that I am in India seeing things I only could once see in the movies.
Eunice, Andrew and Gilbert are amazing travel buddies and I am in still in awe at how we can be extremely corny and cheesy at one moment and dead serious the next moment, talking about politics and identity. Hahha Maybe that is what the story of how we met is as intriguing as our day to day conversations.
Well I better go off now before the timer at the internet café goes off and I have to pay more for internet usage. Eunice is almost asleep next to me waiting for Andrew and I to be done with the computer. Gosh that also means back to the sweltering 42degree heat outside. I sure as hell hope that means I am loosing a few kilos in the process too with all this intense sweating going on.
Toodles!
Incredible India!
Saturday, May 6, 2006
Saturday, May 6, 2006
Finally. All packed and all set.
16 days of India.
Budget and Luxury Hotels. SIA flights.
The Taj Mahal and other ancient wonders.
4 wonderful friends.
What more could I ask for?
The much anticipated departure day has finally arrived.
Spatio-Temporal Motivation
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Three hours to the hardest exam I am ever going to sit for in NUS thus far.
Five hours to the sweet cry of transient liberation.
Four days to flying away with the best bunch of friends ever.
Now, isn't that motivation enough to give this crazy paper all I have got left in me?
