Love Is In The Air
Friday, July 28, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
I'm all smiles. And it ain't no surprise.
I am just so glad this day finally came. Really. And I am so glad to say that I had a hand to play in this. You know that overwhelming joy that bubbles inside you as you see love blossom. Yea, its amazing. Almost feels like it's my own experience. haha
But what can I say guys? I told you so. and I am so glad things are working out. Like I said, I expect an honourable mention at the wedding toast and Andrew wants to be best man.
hahaha Now wont it be funny if we come full circle eh? aha
Ok now I think I'm confusing everyone who reads this blog. hahahaa
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Starlight, Starbright
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Wana watch Ballet Under the Stars?
I rather watch you under the stars.
He always makes me smile. Always.
Sigh. :)
The JC Girls
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
If anything, these holidays have been teaching me alot about friends, friendships and everything in between. God's been teaching me alot about my friends, myself or for that matter how I conduct friendships.
But if anything, I have learnt that friendship may start naturally or at times out of pure effort on the part of one party, but in the end, for it to last, it needs to take effort and sincere desire from both sides for it to truly work. So here is a tribute to my crazy JC friends- friends that I am so glad I made, friends who changed my opinion on people and friendships, friends who I never thought I would make or find but ended up clicking so well together.
I recall that at the sleepover at Gen's, I told ML how when I think about how the nine of us became friends, I realise that it was truly God's will and his perfect knowledge of what was best for all of us. I mean seriously, when I think about it and how myopic and judgemental I used to be (and to some level still am), I don't know if I would have consciously picked them to be my friends. I recall that as ML, Gen and I were talking, I realised that if I had it my stupid way, maybe only Lizard would have been my friend.
And of course, that would have a great loss to me. How could I live without Val's short skirts and blurness, Ruzi's frankness and bountiful laughter, Gen's practicality and honesty, ML's utilitarian perspective to everything in life and her keen fashion sense, Lizard's straight-upness and teasing, Kossy's support and crazy stories and the list just goes on and on. Thanks guys! Here's a photo tribute to our past few dinners, chillout sessions at Harry's, sleepover at Gens and clubbing at MOS.
The Quarrelsome Two
Lizard, Val and an almost married Ruzi
Me, Gen & ML
Don't we look like 2 couples?
At the Singapore River
Lizard doing a ML pose
Camwhoring ourselves. We missed you Kossy & Taryn!!
Preparing to go to MOS
In the toilet of the Ministry of Sound
Gen before all the alcohol came into effect
Our beautiful feet and the pretty floor in the Retro Room
The Kiss of the Night
Gen Being Silly
ML being coy
Me being comfy in Pure @MOS
Well thanks guys for the delightful memories and laughs these past 1 month! till the next holidays when everyone returns! :)
p.s: MSN me or tag the board if you want the pix guys!
Bottling Up Inside
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I am angry at you.
I don't understand why you keep doing this to me.
I know you want me to be happy but why do you always always always always make things like this happen?
I used to rationalize that it was for a greater good that I am blind to or too myopic to see but you know I think I spend much more time emotionally low than emotionally high or for that matter neutral. Hence the numb stage of unfeelingness that on some level makes me wonder if I even believe that there can be a greater good in my life.
I just don't understand. If this is supposed to build me and raise me up, it really ain't. My confidence crumbles by the day, my heart aches in silent pain at the constant daggers that are pulled in and out of it. The obscruity of the unknown and the pain of a future so far away blinds me to the point of no return. And yet I suffer in silence in my shell of pain, until I am a shell of my former self. I feel so quilty and horrible for complaining that I have ceased to complain and merely just accept what you have given to me. My spirit is weak and my will to fight is almost gone.
But I thank you Lord for all these humbling experiences and the pain that will refine me by fire. And I pray you will give me the strength to accept everything, because sometimes Lord, it's just too hard to think your will is perfect when everything just seems to fail around me.
The Englishman and the Chinks
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Blogging from SMU Matriculation Fair.
Fret not, I haven't deflected to the cult of SMU for afterall it would be contary to my beliefs in a university education.
But I digress. I am actually here to help Heartware Network promote their club and Youth Champion Programme to the freshman at SMU. Well if there is at least one thing good about SMU, it would have to be the compulsory 80hrs of community service that every undergraduate has to partake in, in order to even graduate. It truly does help build a person up socially and not just academically-which really is the point of an all rounded varsity education.
Anyway, lucky me managed to get a senior to led me use her password to log onto the SMU wireless network and spend some time surfing the net aimlessly as Mas and I wait for students to pop by our booth. Maybe its the small cohort and intake of SMU, or maybe its just the sparse structure of the building or maybe even the poor co-ordination but really SMU's matric fair is nothing like the colour, noise and heat of the NUS matric fair.
hahaa I'm so mean but well these people tore down my beloved National Library for this building and I don't think that's very forgivable as far as I see it. And they have a Victoria Street school addy. Sigh. Life's unfair.
haha Gosh am I in a silly mood. Maybe its the hot British guy that is in the booth opposite me that has got me laughing every other second with his jokes, sarcasm and BRILLIANT accent. Damn! I do miss Simon and that accent that made me smile everytime. Sigh I reckon this Brit boy is probably married, attached or gay. They never come this good without a catch. Or maybe he just seems that much more appealing in the crowd of chinks around who speak such appaling English, I am almost embarassed to be considered on par with them as a Singaporean university student.
Maybe I really should eliminate all these heartbreaking local players. hahaha That is IF the foreign talent even would be interested in boring Lav. haha But really, I love this British boy's accent. He's making me smile just by talking. Gosh am I silly. Imagine if he was really cute. Then that would a whooper. Bollocks!
Ok enough nonsense typing. I'm not even coherent! Gosh. Rest assured I am very calm and collected when talking to him. Wonder if he knows I'm writing about him and his accent. hahha
Globally Connected
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I am so glad you're back Jac.
Don't think I have laughed like that for ages.
Ok I lie, I laughed like that for 17 days non stop in India with dhoby, walla and towkay Lin.
Sigh. I miss India.
I miss California.
I miss New York.
Globe trotting Lav misses everywhere and everyone.
Head Strong Romantic
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
So I recently did this test given the abundance of time my job gives me and look what it churned out. Ironically, I got some friends to do it too and everyone seemed to have spot on answers. Especially Eunice! ahahha
Gosh, who knew 15 questions could be so intuitive? ahha
Lavinia, you follow your head when it comes to romance
Maybe you've been burned before, or maybe you're just too busy changing the world, but when it comes to your love life, you definitely look before you leap. While you might not be cautious in every aspect of your life, love is an area you tread on lightly. Let's face it, you'd rather have a little more control over your emotions, but they're sometimes hard to pin down. So rather than get lost in them, you, and many of us, probably prefer to focus on other aspects of your life.
It's not that you don't want love to wash over you so you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's just that you'd probably like to fall in love when it best fits into your calendar. Still, with your smarts, you're probably able to sense when you're up for a little romancing and when you're not. Just remember, if you're ever on the fence, you want to fall off on the side where someone's going to catch you. Especially if he's tall, dark, and handsome.
Building Castles In The Air
Friday, July 7, 2006
Friday, July 7, 2006
There was a time I thought life would just fall into place. That everything I ever thought or wished for, would in the end, eventually come true.
How naive I was.
I recall that in secondary school, I had this perfect life mapped out. The life where I would graduate after Sec 4 and proceed to JC. There I would mature into a young lady and meet someone I would possibly be infatuated enough to pursue a relationship with, though that would end by the time I turned 19. That would be the point I entered university to be a lawyer, where I would be caught up in the intellectual debates, articulate lecturers and active social life that I would forget about even being in a relationship. Then along would come some good friend I made in university who had grown to like me and me of him, such that we eventually ended up together. He would be this smart, articulate, witty and preferably artzy person who would love me and impress me so much, I could not imagine life without him. Ideally, he too would not imagine life without me such that by the time we were 26, and ideally this would have meant 3 years of dating per se, we would get hitched.
Well I could go on about how naive Lav's 15 year old dream went. But that would be redundant because of the many many things I dreamed of, only 2 things happened right on target- the entering of JC and university. Everything else never even materialized let alone happened. Ok so well I did get into law but didn't accept it, so that fairytale did materialize but not happen. Of course, I never thought that my elaborate childhood fairytale would happen without some tears but apparently that is all that happened these past few years- pain, disappointment and tears. Makes me understand how along the way I changed from such an optimist and a bubble of joy into someone confident, smily but rather cynical and jaded inside. Sigh. I think that is what maturing creates.
But then you see, as I type this and you think how disappointed and tired a soul I must be, I realise that my life may not have been the fairytale I thought it would but to so many others, they still think it is. And I should be so grateful for what I have- for my scholarship, for going overseas, for a secure job in something I do love much more than law, for a supportive family, for the friends I have made thus far. There is so many other fairytales that have occured. In fact if anything, it was the miracle of God's mercy and love that created all of these new fairytales.
But then the question then remains if these new fairytales are more apt than my initial fairytale. Am I satiated?
I really don't know. But you know my fairytale still continues. My life isn't over. It's just beginning. So only God knows eh?
Paranoia
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
I ain't exactly sure how I came from youth leader to special projects head to cell leader suddenly. It's always been a desire of mine to be in a strong and regular CG that engaged me in the way I wanted but now I am to be a leader?
I suppose the truth hasn't really sunk in and paranoia sets in as I wonder how apt or capable I am of such a job. Given that the group I am scheduled to lead already has a parallel cell with a very spiritual and experienced leader, it scares me even more. Quite frankly, my only consolation is that Jem will co-lead with me in the months that he is here and can input on lots of stuff from Australia.
I've never thought of myself as a very spiritual person or for that matter an exemplary leader. There's always so much to learn and do and lazy me rarely actually fullfills all these expectations. In fact sometimes, I am so caught up in my own drama that I fail to see or be there for people that need help or encoruagement. Sometimes, that is enough to convince me that I ain't a good leader or for that matter not a very good person. Just comparing myself to Gilbert and Eunice and the level of participation and commitment they have to church is enough to make me realise how meagre my contribution and enthusiasm for God really is. But still it is things I have to pick up and promise to learn from.
But I trust that there is a reason God has called me here and grooming me in ways I didn't even think I would be. And in Him I shall trust and hope for the best. ahhaa :)
Talking to Alvin yesterday to confirm our visit to Salem made me realise how much we've all grown but his one comment stuck with me since the afternoon. He told me how glad he was that there were at least some of us who were still steadfast in our labour of our Lord and my immediate thought was that I hadn't been and had faltered far too much. But as I thought more about it, I realised that maybe on some level that was my only contribution so far- my consistency (though varying in intensity.)
And I suppose on some level that is about the fundamental of all foundations that one needs. It is now simply a question of building on it I suppose.
So why then am I still so afraid of failing and disappointing so many?
Willpower
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
I will not message you.
I will not SMS you.
I will not message you.
I will not SMS you.
Ughh...I am such a sucker for people in distress.
To Light and To Guide
Monday, July 3, 2006
Monday, July 3, 2006
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to teach.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have just been a lawyer like I and everyone else in the world who knew me, thought I would.
There was no excuse, no problem, no lack of grades or even oppurtunity but then God spoke and everything changed. I know I sometimes say my biggest regret is not going to law but I think at times that regret has more to do with the social company and level of linguistic acrobatics that I am engaged in at FASS or with MOE, as it is a case of anger or resentment at where I am today.
But again last week, it seemed so strange to see how no matter what I do, I am drawn back to teaching youth or at least work with youth. Taking this internship with MCYS/Heartware Network, was an oppurtunity I embarked on for a change in environment. Since I first began work in 2003 during the break before NUS, all I did was relief teach and every holidays so far has been punctuated with a teaching stint of some kind, albeit punctuations of admin or promotional stints for some fast cash. So I figured, why not try an administrative form of internship since you are for once so free for the holidays. Also, it proved to be a golden oppurtunity for me to pry deeper into social policy planning and if it was really meant for me.
However the big man above probably had a whole different plan going on because for some strange reason, I am back to being in a school and helping them out in their NYAA programme for the Secondary Twos. So back I am to going to schools three times a week to bring them rock climbing, kayaking or even helping them with their community involvement projects like raising money for charity through bake sales. Gosh maybe I am destined to work with young people because no matter how I avoid it, I always end up teaching or mentoring or guiding youth in school, church or work.
And I have to admit that it is the few times that I am actually happy or makes my day all that much brighter. Office work is so mundane and not to mention the lack lustre conversations that at times transpire here. Sometimes its just so much easier to work with kids. Cuz at least they make me laugh and remind me that simple joys still do exist.
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