"

There's alot I want to say and explain and chronicle. But words etched in time are sometimes better etched in my heart than on cyberspace.

So I shall leave this post with a little poem that sums up my one exhilaratingly spontaneous month.

How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently,
only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
your footsteps have left
upon my heart

I never will regret. For this friendship, I will be back and I hope you will too. :)






Today I had one of those moments, when I felt "this is why I teach." It took alot for me to not to tear and thank God for His wise guidance. But greedy Lav thinks she needs alot more of them to keep her alive when the going gets tough. And the best part was that, I didn't even plan it-it was purely accidental. haha I love my job. :)








I was about to go to bed when this song came on on my Itunes. It's such a melancholic song and its lyrics are really so true.

Sigh. How I wish fairy tales really did come true. Then maybe I would believe in happily ever afters. Sigh.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

And all you ask is for half way. Sometimes, even that is too much. Sigh.






There has been alot of talk about the US Presidential elections and which candidate is best. I suppose the running joke now is not which candidate to pick but which Democrat to pick.

Everyone is now down to the prelimanaries and the final scores between Obama and Clinton. Extensive news coverage spills onto every available newspaper as they report every stage in the US Presidential elections and as the world watches as this alledged superpower stands on the brink of new leadership.

Not surprisingly, much talk has been about whether the 'black man' or the woman would soon hold the helms of the United States administration. Many have forgotten McCain and other Republican, not just because they have failed to vye for top honours but simply that they are far less exciting than a black man and a woman President. Of course, there is also that technical detail that the Republicans have been in power for so long, its almost natural that a Democratic President is next.

But I digress. Everyone talks about how the world will change if a Black man or a woman holds top office. Sometimes, I wonder if these political watchdogs and skeptics actually measure Obama and Hilary for what they are worth and not what they look like. It really disappoints me that as the world draws parallels between Obama and JFK or the fact that he is 'covertly' Muslim. Or as newspapers scrutinize every inch of Hilary's dressing, as they seek to find that sexual inch of her that the world must see, in order to see her as a woman.

What about looking at who they are? Like how Hilary is one of the strongest people I know who stood through her husband's affair, public ridicule and still always carried herself perfectly and had her priorities straight. It's not that she was a woman who overcome, but a PERSON who stood tall. Or that Obama has lived through much persecution and is a true global citizen that has lived in many countries globally and has an informed world view that many Americans can only wish they even had. And the list goes on.

To me, this just shows how the world has become so superficial. About how we judge people by the way we look. About how eager we are to put them in categories. It just disappoints me sometimes that these unique individuals have no agency. Their individual voice is suppressed as they blend into a bigger whole.

How then, I ask, are these people supposed to be the voice of change, when all they do is sink to the politics of essentialization?






My laptop has died on me!!

*help*






I've always wondered what it is like to be with someone who makes you so happy, even when you are really down. To just sit around and smile and not crack meaningless jokes but witty ones that are intelligent and incredibly funny. To make you feel attractive even when you're not. To share a bond you can't really explain in words and that you will stop trying to seek to understand it, but just accept it.

And I wonder what it is like to be with such a person. To be with him in a social setting with members of his family. Would there be acceptance or akward politeness and scrutiny? But in a perfect setting, they would love you and would smile. You would joke and they would get it. Conversation would flow endlessly and time would not even be an issue. And thru the night, this person and you would share your little moments and have a secret smile for each other. And in the end, he would walk you back and say how his family really loved you. And you would smile, crack a joke and skip your way home happily.

I have always wondered how it would feel. Could it really happen? Were these the things of fairy tales and Disney make-believe? Or had I just grown too jaded to believe that such things could happen outside a movie or at least to everyone else but me.

But yet, you did it. Without me voicing my deepest desires. You did it again.

Damn you. :)






Thank you everyone for your love and concern. Your prayer and love really means so much to me.

To see some of you cry really breaks my heart, so please smile. Nothing is confirmed yet. Really. :)

I never ever thought my life or death would mean anything to anyone, but you have proved my wrong. Now I know that people actually do care for me. :) I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this respect and regard but I am so thankful for all of you. :)

If anything, I have learnt that I cannot stand alone. At this point in time, I really, really need people and my friends around me. And God has truly provided. For every sleepless night, he put a friend a there. For every scary morning, he sent an angel there too. And for every tear that fell, that was a smile that was sent to cheer me up.

Thank you so much again. And I know the Lord will provide.

Even when the darkness closes in Lord,
Still I will say,
Blessed Be The Name of the Lord,
Blessed Be Your Name.
Blessed Be the Name of the Lord,
Blessed Be His Glorious Name.













...would be a picture of matching outfits, smiles and a promise for a not-so-distant future.

I think I really like reading and writing simple, happy and cheery posts that lend no double meaning. They are not monotonous or dreary or devoid of any emotions or worse still plagued with too much negativity. It makes me thankful for what I have and take stock of my life in small doses, instead of letting looming factors freak me out or get me all worried. I like to think that I have done my New Year's Resolution proud by not worrying and planning every step of my year/life so precisely but letting God take the wheel and surrendering to him.

But there is always this little, little voice in me that fears that this may be an Indian summer that may jolly well turn into a deluge. I know that is the pragmatist in me talking, especially with practicum 4 days away, but yet, I have this peace and joy now that I haven't had for a while and for now, I am just going to keep it. My life has been far from perfect these past 2 months but yet my heart says it is and that is all that matters. :)






Gosh, I must say that I have really forgotten what a relaxing weekend can be like. One that is devoid of deadlines or engagements. And I must say I enjoyed it way too much!

As anticipated, I have a free week before practicum starts on the 25th because all my deadlines were pushed ahead due to overtly busy lecturers or schedules. Hence, all I have left this week is one term paper and one last class on Monday, before I just sit at home and sleep and recharge my batteries. Oh the glory!

But the rest started this weekend itself. After a killer week, I really needed rest. I had 5 HUGE assignments due, loads of classes, bad medical anticipation and the list goes on. So imagine my relief, when I realise that all my usual weekend plans like youth service and stuff, were postponed and I had the whole weekend to myself! I woke up on Sat to find that my parents were having a weekend Valentine's rendevous and Sharmaine was out with friends whilst Claudia was busy with classes and play dates. So Lav just stayed home, painted her nails, washed her hair, cleaned her room, baked (too many) muffins, went to hospital to see her grandpa before watching P.S I Love You. And that was just Saturday. Sunday was even better with church and all the naps and TV.

Cheers to relaxed weekends. It was definitely an exhilarating one but definitely what I needed at the end of such a draining week. And not surprisingly, it was spent around the people who always successfully make me smile, no matter what..and appreciate my muffins. haha :)






Stop masquerading as something else, unless you really want to be it.

Because if you don't stop, I may actually fall into role and let you be everything that you don't want to be.

So please just stop.






You never really realise how nerve-wrecking a scan and a diagnosis can be, until it actually comes out against your favour.

I can only hope it is benign now. And pray for the best.






I finally handed in the HUGE Source Based Assignment. FINALLY! It seemed like it would never end! Even after I printed it and binded it, I realised that something was wrong and wanted to change it, but the printer had closed and I was much too tired to keep working on it. So, I screwed the whole thing and handed it in. So, its definitely not an A, but at post-grad level, no one really cares abt grades anymore, as long as you pass. haha

So I went out to celebrate in style, with 2 movies, shopping for CNY gifts for people, MacDonald's pancakes and sleeping! I don't think I have ever shopped, studied and watched so many movies-all together in a two week time frame. haha This week's movies were alot more intellectual and moving tho, which I really loved. The true humanity of Hollywood is not often seen. The KiteRunner and American Gangster-are good stuff, but are not for the easily bored or the historically unaware tho.

Everyone is so shocked that I am (again) not away for CNY, but I have 5 assignments due next week and I can't go away! -bleahz- But that hasn't stopped me from spending money-or at least thinking about it. I was designated the task of getting our History teacher a CNY cum Farewell present and I went crazy shopping. haha I ended up picking up this lovely Singapore shawl as her farewell present. It's an awesome shawl that can even be worn as a blouse! haha And it was WAYY expensive too from Tangs. So expensive, that I am now a Tangs VIP member. haha But hey, the gift is being shared by 20 pple so I think it's fine. haha

Anyway, check out the new desires. I decided I shall get one of it this month to cheer me up for practicum, since it would only arrive next month, when I am drowning in the midst of lesson plans galore. Which should I get? Votes anyone?

Juicy Couture BRIDGET Satchel

Coach Brown Cotton Satchel

Miu Miu

Agnes B Voyager Tote

Victoria Secret's Skinny Formal Pants

I need more money! Sigh.






Me: Euns, I bought a cheongsam last week. I don't know why.
Euns: Good, you can wear it to my wedding.
Me: You're getting married? This is news.
Euns: No,not now, you. When I find a bf. Then you can wear the cheongsam to our wedding.
Me: Well then you better get married fast, cuz I am not going to be in this shape forever and fit into that cheongsam.

Me: She said my dress is short.
R: Turn around and let me see.
I proceed to twirl around for him to inspect. (Yes, I know, I can't believe I did.)
Me: I intend to wear this to teach.
R: Then you are going to have some mighty lucky male students.


I am such a weirdo sometimes with the things I say and do. Don't judge me, I have been high on meds all week. haha






First Oscar Wilde and now Salman Rushdie.

A bookworm fetish maybe? Or maybe just a penchant for the British Isles?

Who knows? haha






So what started off as a horrible day with me doubling over in intense pain, vomitting and fainting in my toilet, such that I had to be rushed to A&E, to be given a jab and run tests, leaving me lame in one leg for 6hours, ended with me, still able to catch the production, meet up with old friends, whilst having a certain someone show extensive concern and flirtation to me, before walking me to my car, appreciating my baking and talking to me till late.

They say that every cloud has a silver lining.

I think I just found mine. :)






I never really thought I would say this but I am all shopped-out and movied-out for the week! ahah

After being uber good, which really is a pseudonym for being busy and deprived, I caught two of the movies I was eyeing all month and I shopped for like 200bucks worth-all in one week! ahhaa

I feel so satisfied! 27 Dresses was the perfect kind of movie I needed to start the year with! haha and Sweeney Todd was gory at best but definitely a paragon of good acting and another feather in Johnny Depp's cap..tho James Marsden is not far off with all this witty Brit-like repartee. :) Breaking off from Cyclops can actually be a good thing! aha

And I bought a pencil skirt, 2 blouses, 2 belts, a scarf, 2 dresses and a pair of flats this week. All for a grand total of 210bucks and guess what? They are casual enough clothes to wear out and to teach. What a bargain!

I am le happy. :)

Oh and did I mention that I met Hrithik Roshan in Cine and didn't realise?

And the week isn't even over yet. I hope it ends real good cuz the next 2 weeks are gona suck so bad with deadlines galore! :P






Have you ever spent a lazy day just procrastinating on work and completing the bare minimum?

And then you think of something funny that someone once said and you laugh to youself. Then, you decide to look back at your phone to read old SMSes from this person. Then you smile and laugh to yourself as you read the messages and stare at the screen for oh-so-long.

Before it hits you, that it really is too late.

And you smile wryly, realise its way too late, sigh and head to bed.

I just had one of those days.






It's only Week 3 of school and I have already handed in one major assignment. My history teacher is leaving the Semester early so she is rushing the assignments, classes and everything else in between. I suppose it is a blessing, so after CNY, I am completely free with no deadlines and can just rest and focus on practicum that starts on the 25th. For those who are unaware, yes, I am up for a 10 week graded internship of sorts in a secondary school. I am really afraid and I don't even know if I can do it but I am just trusting and praying that God will unveil his plan to me slowly but surely.

It has been a weird week of sorts. With not much time in between Bangkok and my first assignment, I haven't had much time to procrastinate. Whatever free time in between has been spent organising things for the new year in the youth calendar and settling stuff for the youth. I almost already feel sometimes like I am working full time! haha

The week also took a slightly unexpected twist when I received an SMS on Wed afternoon telling me that a JC classmate had passed away. She wasn't someone I was very close to but I definitely talked to her quite a bit and associated with her now and then. I even remember how when I was ill, she would buy me food during class and risk getting scolded by the teacher. Or even when this other girl in another class was unhappy with me for reasons I shall not expound on further, she actually stood up for me and put this girl in her place. So imagine my shock, when I hear that a fellow friend, a comrade my age, had passed on with no details ensuing her passing.

It was strange to see my entire JC class gathered in the most somberest of moods as we greeted each other scurtively and whispered to ask if anyone knew what happened. Apparently, my dear classmate has battled bulimia for the past 3years and was prone to vomitting involuntarily as her body was accustomed to such a motion to dispel excess food from her body. Thus in the middle of the night, she has vomitted again and ended up choking on her vomit and dying-on the same day as Heath Ledger.

It's almost to surreal to think. I have neve been so scared in my life at a funeral. When I got home, I had to rush a paper but I was much too afraid to stay up late alone and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep as memories of her and how fragile life is haunted me. I could die anytime-even in ways you never really thought you could die. Then as fear bugged me all night as I tossed and turned, I wondered what my life would count for. At all of 23years, I have achieved mediocre academic credit, travelled not so extensively, and only dedicated small sections of my life to God. I think it really set in for once, that it's now what I have or do that is going to matter when I am gone but what I remembered for and who I touched in my time here.

To some, my ex-classmate's passing indicated a need to seize the day-to pamper themselves or even to appreciate what they had. To me, it made me realise how little my life amounts to now. If I died, no one would really care. Perhaps for 2-3mths, people wld remember and then they would forget and lead their lives as per normal. But then there are some people-some of my uncles for instance- who have passed away for years now, and yet people still recall their words, their care and their love with such intense passion.

Could I live a life like that? Would God stand at the doors of heaven and say "well done good and faithful servant? I will never know, but I know I can at least try.






The Shopping Damage

Tuk-tuking

Seafood!

With June-my American housemate when I was in the US! She works in Bangkok now!

At Route 66!

Shopped Out At The Massage Parlour

On the Plane






Off to Bangkok to see June, shop and chill with my classmates!

See you when I get back!






It's a new year again. A new start, new beginnings.

When I think back of 2007, I can't help but wonder how I even made it through the year. In one year, I wrote a 12000 word thesis, graduated with decent honours, started a new job, embarked on graduate school, took up leadership in church, started earning money, built lasting friendships, travelled a continent and began to learn to smile and not doubt guys.

It's so weird. Did I actually do all that? In one year? I reckon all that would NEVER have been possible without God's divine grace and providence for me. Really.

And then I think of 2008 and I realise that I don't know what it has in store for me. I vaguely know that I will graduate in June and be posted to a school in July but other than that I have NO other concrete details or expectations as to how this year will turn out. Honestly. Usually, I always know how the year is going to turn out somehow-whether in terms of academic courses or trips or issues or things I want to happen.

But this year is going to be different. I can feel it. At watchnight service, as we lingered on in that awesome time of worship, all I could feel in my heart and worship was LOVE. Love for God, Love for His people and the Love the people in His body shared. Really. And I felt really, really glad that I didn't make it some countdown party or drink the night away. It's not that there is anything wrong in that but somewhere along the way in university, I decided that the New Year is meant to be spent with those whom you love meaningfullly: and what better way to interpret that then church and family.

I cannot predict how dramatic this year will be. Or how much joy,excitement, sadness or disappointment the year will bring but I do know one thing: the love I felt for that night was enough to push me to do anything. So maybe for once, it would be a year of love-for God and his people. It won't be a year of chasing after material possessions or accolades that only matter in this world. It would be a year where I built friendships and relationships for Him. :)

And as if He really wants this to be, He seems to have put this song in my heart that I can simply not stop singing. It's really weird. I first heard it on a CD somewhere but at Metamorphosis, this song stopped me dead in my tracks and now He has put this as my song of the year.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity





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Welcome

About Her

Lav is an idealistic yet pragmatic individual, who writes this blog as an avenue for others to have insight to her life, thoughts and aspirations. Often dramatic, quirky but all around entertaining, this hedonistic yet spiritual female often questions far too much more than she should. Perhaps her expectations are too high but she believes in the beauty of her dreams. Happy endings are not what she dreams of but fulfilled promises, mercies from God, martinis with wonderful friends, pretty frocks, quaint dinners, blooming flowers, popped collars and witty repartee never fail to captivate her. To her, life can only be lived forwards and understood backwards.

Wishing and Hoping For

A MacBook Air

Black Skinny Formal Pants

A Baby Pink Chloe Bag

Limited Edition Dior Lip Gloss

A New Night Fragrance (Either Guess or J.Lo's Still)

Speak Now..Or Forever Hold Your Peace

Royal Entourage

Hz Kos Joe Ian Mel Rab Png Jon Eric Marc Tian Faith Gilbert Debbie Eunice Felicia Marcus Jeremy Shirlyn Marcus Pauline Jerraine Xing Jian My Shining Stars

In Retrospect

Californication
The Ramblings of 2004-2007

Credits

Designed: iBlogskins
Brushes: Hybrid-genesis
Images: DeviantArt