Mr. Smarmy With The British Accent Always Gets the Girl
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Really miss you, honey. How is life treating my favourite Singaporean?
Conventionally, I would roll my eyes at the above comment. But with Simon, I just smile and shake my head at the disbelief at what a British accent can do a typical smarmy comment, that would warrant, nothing short of contempt from me, if solicited from a Singaporean guy.
Ughh...I can't seriously be becoming racist. I thought that emotion was only restricted to Indian men. Am now I casting my net against everyone else as well? Nah, that's really impossible. I still think many people here are attractive and perfect partners.
But yet, only Simon, (and mind you, not just ANY British guy) will get away with a line as cheesy as that, that still has me smiling.
Damn dude. Why do you have to live a million miles away in London???
Pra Jaw Song Sum Pat Chan Wan Nee
Friday, December 29, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
I'm back!!
Haha I know most people were unaware that I was gone though I was gone for more than 8 days but I decided to keep this trip a little more quiet than usual. Eventhough I planned for this trip much more in advance than any of my other escapades to India, Sarawak, Malacca or anywhere else this year, I felt the need to keep this on a down-low but in no means a hush-hush secret. Just a speak when spoken to kind-of way.
Granted that it was not a social holiday but a mission trip, I thought it fit the mood of the trip to not grandly trumpet my holiday plans to one and all wantonly, unless they asked. Not that I have ever been much of a trumpeteer, but humility is always a virtue that must be carried through in almost all of one's actions if possible.
Needless to say, it was my second Christmas abroad in 2 consecutive years and this time, it was alot more rustic, fulfilling and more of God's love than ever before. I saw the face of Christmas, the innocence of joy and the beauty of giving and receiving. I am still uncertain if it is my best Christmas ever but it was the to me, one of the most memorable Christmases ever where I felt and gave so much love. It was once again, hard for me to come back home to Singapore, if not for my fever and headache.
Yea, on the last day, after nursing countless sick youth, I too succumbed and on the journey back to Bangkok and Singapore, I ran a 40 degree fever and a throbbing headache, punctuated with some vomitting. Well the gastric flu bout is almost over and I am glad to be home yet desperate to go back and serve. I have learnt so much, seen so much and decided so much in this trip and the year in general, that I finally, know God's calling for me, and for once, I am happy and willing to accept it. It would be hard to articulate it all here in this post but rest assured, I know that for the rest of these few days of 2006 and almost every post in the days and years to come, will talk about my learning experiences and God's will for my life. A will that I would have not chosen for myself, on my own, but would have also not been as perfectly suited for me, as anything else I would have chosen with my free will.
And to think, that it was always right there, in front of me. But as always, I was always too blind to see. Thank you Father for lifting my spiritual blindness (as Stephen would put it) and opening me up to Your will and purpose.
My Superhero Forever
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
When the impossible seems ahead, all you do is remember the super human strength of your maker and suddenly, the world just seems so much brighter. It's just that child-like innocence, wonder and belief that God wants. It's then, no wonder, that this song always makes me smile and just feel so happy inside. Because He is really my superhero. He will be the one to always save me-not some knight in shining armour as many others envision.
He's The One Who Makes The Sun Shine
He's The One Who Puts The Moon In The Sky
He's The One Who Hung The Stars
One By One
He's The One Who Makes The Birds Sing
He's The One Who Makes Me Dream So High
He's The One Who Makes Me Smile
Day By Day
Chorus:
Jesus You're My Superhero
You're My Star
My Best Friend
Jesus You're My Superhero
You're My Star
My Best Friend
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Spiderman
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Superman
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Batman
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Anyone
Chorus:
Jesus You're My Superhero
You're My Star
My Best Friend
Jesus You're My Superhero
You're My Star
My Best Friend
Bridge
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Ironman
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Barbie
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Actionman
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Better Than Anyone
He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
So with my fifth wedding of the year, I now officially declare 2006-the year of weddings! As fun as it was to be involved in the behind-the-scenes work for three weddings, I think I am now more reinforced than ever, in my belief, that getting married is the BIGGEST decision that I will ever make in my life. As wonderful as it is to get married and is something I do aspire to be by the next ten years hopefully, there are just way too many things to consider. As misty eyed and swooning as the girls in my church were by all the weddings, I think to me all I felt was fear. Not just fear of getting married and the strings that come with it but the fear of not getting married too. Strange isn't it?
Lately, various people in my history honours cohort have unveiled their engagement and even marriage plans to me. At least 3 people intend to tie the knot next year and almost another 20 will be hitched in the next 3 years. Is that not a very terrifying statistic? I have never been one for percentages but in 3 years time, I will only be halfway through my bond and maybe pursuing the second stage in my academic career. Heck, I don't even have a boyfriend and given that you should date for at least 2 years before tying the knot, I am WAY behind in this race to the altar. I used to think my honours classmates and all this pro-early marriage peeps were anomalies but really, they seem to multiplying phenomenally that I am beginning to think that I am the anomaly.
Sometimes I wonder if these people know what they are getting into. Is marriage really the next step of a person in his/her mid or late 20s? How about a second degree, a graduate degree, a high flying job, dedication to God? What about these things? How about enjoying your life now as a working corporate adult with your own spending power? Is that too strange to understand? How about going on fabulous dates every fortnight before deciding on who you actually really really like? I am not discounting true love or those who have been with their bfs since JC, but really, have you ever wondered and are too scared to venture to this new Sex and the City kinda life? Though all my 3 church friends got hitched as reasonable ages, I still felt at least one couple was much too young to settle down.
I must admit that I speak from a biased standpoint- as a person who has not had very many serious relationships, but as much as I know how attractive a relationship may be, is it really that much better to be in a relationship with EVERY guy/girl you are interested in or attracted to? What happened to the zazazoom? Don't you need that to clinch the deal?
It was really strange then to hear Pastor Neo preach at Ben's wedding on Saturday, as he talked of the wonderful gift of finding a wife and marriage. He then went on to say something I will never forget for as long as I am alive. He talked of love and marriage and said that "in Hollywood, you marry the one you love and everything works out. But in reality and in God's way, you marry the one you choose to love."
Is that not brilliant? That's exactly it. Everyone married the one they choose to love or believe to be their soulmate. You can never say that you marry the one you love, because you love alot of people especially those with multiple relationships. Love, relationships and everything in life is a decision that you make and choose. Maybe next time, people should realise that they aren't being swept away by emotions or the charm of the opposite sex. It is a decision they are making to be swept away and submit to the wiles of their partner.
And no guys, I am not jaded or bitter. Far from it. I actually really do believe in love and marriage. However, subscribing to a blind belief is not something I go by. You must realise the realities and consequences of their decision-something I feel that not everyone does as they are so consumed by other pressures. This is not to say that I stand on some moral high ground of self awareness but it is a fear I have that one day, I will be swept away by the pressures of life and forget to hold through to my principles.
I think that is simply it. I am afraid of loosing myself. Almost every single one of my friends have lost themselves and even I lost a part of me after the lawyer. Yes, it's all good now and stuff but I worry. Can I give and still not loose something? Can I not be defined by the person I am with or the relationship I am in? I want to be joined in spirit to my unknown prince with God's grace and blessing but can I do it without loosing myself. Can I do it by having true romance and love and not just settling for something I feel will make me happy eventually? Can I make the decision to marry the one I choose to love because we are perfect for each other or simply believe that I am marrying the only one I think I will ever get to love in the way I choose?
Questions, questions, questions. Sigh. Oh well, more pictures from Ben's wedding are coming soon!
Pressing On
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
One week into the holidays and I have been running around as if school is still going on. As much as I am enjoying the pre-mission trip activities and preparation, I am really tired. This is not a physical fatigue but an emotional one. I'm so consumed that I haven't even met up with any friends-even the ones I promised to meet during the holidays. I know I am not at my breaking point yet and am actually a long way from it. However, I know that by the end of this month, I will be.
To make matters worst, I will be starting my most stressful and difficult sem as yet in January and I really need to be more than a 100% ready to conquer it. But I know that all this strength and ability does not come from me but from the Lord who strengthens me. So I will trust in Him and His promises that are new every morning. :)
Accepting the Guilt and Responsibility
Friday, December 15, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
I think sometimes people forget that they hold the key to a lot in their life. More often than not, they pin it down to fate or the forces of nature acting against them. However, I think what we fail to realize is that more often than not, it is our fault. Indeed, we are the ones at fault for even making those fatal mistakes or even creating those horrible circumstances.
For instance, when people cheat, very often the wayward partner pins it down to the seductive nature of a member of the opposite sex or a response to his/her failing relationship that made him/her look for gratification elsewhere. You see, those are all excuses. People don’t just kiss themselves or just have problems in their relationship. You make the decision to let it slide or take a backseat to everything else in your life. It’s the same for school, family and even God. We are the decisions that we make but yet we always find it so much more escapist and easier to pin the blame on everything else. You can’t say an exam is hard when you did not study hard enough or did not put in conscientious work. If hard work was not the key to doing that exam well, then why do some people still do well? Granted that luck, fate and intelligence do play a part, it is in the end, your decision to shine or not.
I believe that is why I apologize for a lot and let some people have their way. I know it is my fault when things go awry and it is my responsibility to make it work. Second chances don’t always come easy but yet, I always don’t seem to make full use of every opportunity I have. I am afraid of failure and it always tends to sweep by me like a tsunami. Yet, I know that in many ways, I am still a failure. Of course, the term ‘failure’ is relative and depends with one’s circumstance and social circles but I think it’s about time people take credit for their mistakes and actions. It’s not enough to take credit for the good things you do but also for everything that goes wrong. Apologies and making up for your mistakes are all good but you need to acknowledge that you were wrong and that your decisions or a lack of one created that mistake! Wallow in self pity all you want but realize that there is a problem that you inadvertently created.
Sigh. We are all fallible. But why is it so hard to accept it? Is escapism so much more appealing?
The Reassurance
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
And when the whole world seems to go against you and you begin to worry that things may not be working out quite as planned, God reassures you in the strangest way that He is with you and will carry you through. This time, He worked through my HT supervisor who emailed me regarding our future appointments in 2007 and we got to emailing each other about our holiday plans and this is what he sent.
Hi Lavinia,
What a marvellous idea - a mission trip to Thailand. Terrific! I'm sure you will do well. You are such an enthusiast. God needs recruits like you. I'm proud of you.
God bless,
Prof. m.
Thank you Lord for your boundless mercy, grace and blessings-especially when I needed it most and couldn't voice my need. I sure hope that this is a sign that Prof Murfett being my supervisor, is truly for a higher purpose you have called us to.
Unforgetful You
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why
You never minded giving us the stars
Then showing us how blind and unaware of You we are
You painted me a picture and showed me how to see
Though I just won't behold it
Unless it pertains to me...
I think sometimes I question or expect people and even God to know and deliver too much. Maybe it's time I expect the same of myself and not just demand it. Maybe I only seem to realise these things when they directly affect my life. Yet for some reason, God never forgets even when there are so many of us to care for.
The Perfect Wedding
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
So after some intense pressure from various people, I decided to finally post pictures from Tara and Boon Ping's wedding. Yesyes, I know it is a month late but hey I've been busy! In that one month, I had 5 exams, 3 papers and numerous other events! Moreover, I don't have as many pictures this time as I did for Terrence's wedding since Aunty Pam kept my bag for me under lock and key during the ceremony and I didn't manage to snap pictures of the sword bearers. Alas, all I have are the blissful memories and a far away hope for such a delightful display to be at my wedding.
The Groom in His Amazing Suit with the lady in red, Aunty Soon Lee.
The Reception...See if you can spot a forlorn Steven in the distance.
Arun and I...If you would recall, this is the 17 year old boy who has his heart set on beating me to the altar.
Joanna and Arun
Joanna, Anne and I- I think this is my favourite shot from the entire wedding given the sweet smiles, roses and dresses!
Arun and Anne- yes, this boy kept pestering me to take pictures of him with girls. Sheesh.
The Sisters
Some of the youth. We always look so happy at weddings! :) And yes, Marc is finally in this wedding picture!
So then came the wedding dinner and many more pictures!
Tara and Boon Ping Pouring Champagne
The Bride and Groom Toasting With Their Families
What entry would be complete without a parting shot of some of the swordbearers who were now rid of their pilot uniforms. I know it's a bad picture but hey some of the girls were dying to get their hands on it!
The Beautiful Wedding Cake that they forgot to cut! This to me was the most perfect wedding cake EVER!
Some of us girls at the wedding dinner
Well kudos to the first wedding in over a decade that I genuinely loved and could feel the love and God in the midst of it all. It was truly a marriage and one that actually made me seriously think about my happily ever after. I think that is just it-no pretence, simplicity and a concerted effort by family and friends. That to me is a wedding, even if it is in a church, a zoo or in a simple hotel.
Well until then, let's see how Ben's wedding this Saturday is. Gosh I must say, that I have never been for SO many weddings in one year, of which all of them are my friends. And the worst part of that story is that, this is just the beginning of it ALL!! :(
Warning: Long Emo Post Ahead
Monday, December 11, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
These past 2 months have been so strange. Heck, you could even say this semester has been weird. I've been discovering so much about myself, family, friends, God and the list just goes on. I think it is even the first time in a long time since JC that I have been who I wanted to be, said what I wanted and done what I wanted.
I think God is really opening me up in ways that I never thought possible. And I am grateful. This journey has been bumpy that involved so many tears, jadedness, fear and loss of enthusiasm of everything. There was a point in Feb 2005 that I thought that I would never be any of the smiles I was in JC. I think God has truly shown me the wonders of his power and his will that none of us can ever fathom or limit-yet we always try to second guess him and confine him without specific categories that we deem are "godly" or areas that only God can work. Maybe slowly, I am beginning to realise that God can work everywhere! Not that I never knew this but now I really am beginning to feel the reality of this axiom.
Just today on the bus ride to school, I recalled a conversation with Jac in WalaWala before she left for Oregon when she told me that things only happen to people to believe and I just shook my head and said that she was wrong and that things like that just don't happen to me, regardless of whether I believe or not. Today I realised that she really was right. The day I woke up and smiled and smelt the flowers, I have been meeting people and having encounters that have my head spinning, my heart rejoicing and restoring the sparkle in my eyes.
Yes, nothing great has happened yet and I certainly don't hope to jinx it but really, I think I have found a way to believe without being a hopeless romantic, naive child, lovesick puppy or dependent gf. And you know what the best part is? I don't just believe in love but in so many things. This afternoon, Prof Murfett asked me how the exams went and when I responded with optimism with a tinge of worry on my results, he just smiled and said what's past is past. Conventionally, I would have wallowed in misery that my favourite professor just implicitly told me that I shouldn't dwell on bad grades of the past.
But today, I smiled and said to myself that even if I had a second lower, I know God has a greater plan for me. I know that many of you would regard this as escapism and reckless abandon, but I really feel God's call for me to be something different. Not just a Christian or a teacher but something more. Alas, I make mistakes, slip and give in to way too much temptation. It's at times like this I wish I was as strong and disciplined as Dhoby or Eunice but I suppose we are all created differently?
Fundamentally, I think I need to share with one and all that the God makes the flowers bloom everyday for us to enjoy but for us to also realise that everyday is a new step, a journey that we must trust him for. Really. Even I tend to forget some of this sometimes but ephiphanies don't come easy and this isn't one I am going to forget soon.
Fret not comrades, this is not some girly, love strucken rant or a post-exam liberation rant but a desire to share in the joy of Christmas and life. Jesus came to give us life and yet sometimes even I, choose to live a living death instead. How silly! Yes, I complain and so many things don't make me happy anymore in Singapore but does this mean that I should wallow in self-pity?
NEVER! There is a truth and a way to everything. Everything that can only be revealed in his time and Lav is waiting. Waiting on Him. While then she prays the answer comes in her knight in shining armour as Poh Yen calls it. Now that would be an amazing beginning wouldn't it?
Well till then, she will settle for a Toyota Celica. :)
Sound With the Ministry of Sound
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
I think I have a new found appreciation and love for the Ministry of Sound. Contrary to my initial disappointment with the huge club that opened in in January 2006, I now really am in love with it.
I recall how upon returning from the United States, I was oh-so-excited to finally go to a Ministry of Sound party- something I had dreamt about since I turned legal and was only fed with stories by my Brit friends of exhilarating antics in the esteemed club back in London. But now, I truly understand.
MOS isn't your ordinary club that isn't too unique like much of the clubs on Mohd. Sultan or for that matter renown for a particular brand of music and entertainment like Zouk, but it caters to a particular brand of people and crowd. It's a crowd that takes some growing up and liberal thought to be part of and maybe I am finally growing into this category. haha
Well until I find some other place with so many good looking people, exciting nights and perfect Gin Tonics, I am now a Ministry of Sound convert!!
Perhaps what is interesting is that after intense nights of partying it up, I actually feel ready to "go back to school" on Monday. Strange isn't it?? It's almost as if I don't know how to have a holiday. Sheesh.
Or maybe that is just the Ministry of Sound effect. It recharges your batteries like no other form of entertainment. haha :)
The End has Finally Come!
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Thursday, December 7, 2006
It's over. FINALLY. I have always made sure my exams ended early or at least at the peak of the 'exam ending' season. Unfortunately, honours year doesn't permit such creativity. Sigh. Although I ended the exams on a note that was far from favourable, at least it is over.
I can now safely, non-guiltily shop and soak up the Christmas Spirit. That is until the results are released on Boxing Day.
Well at least I have 3 weeks of enjoyment and loads of stuff planned! Potentially even a Bangkok trip in Jan? :)
Unfortunately, I actually have to be back in school next Monday to meet my supervisor. Sigh. I just hope he doesn't show any sign of emotion on my performance in the final for his class.
The Screwed Rant
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
I'm almost at the end and I almost know this is not worth it anymore.
Sigh.
When you screw the paper of the class you like best and the only professor you think is worth anything in school, you officially know that your whole academic life is screwed.
Sigh.
Why have all the exams been bad?
Why have I studied so little and so last minute?
I need to do something with my life, before I comment that others are screwing theirs!! UGHHHH!
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