Green Light All the Way
Friday, December 31, 2004
01:10 a.m.Sometimes you just have to let go and move on.
You can't dwell on it forever so just let it be.
Hiding the pain will one day make you forget it.
You did it before. You'll do it again.
Just walk on.
Don't think.
Just walk.
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Where is the Love?
Thursday, December 30, 2004
01:21 a.m.
Are you wondering why every single nation around Singapore has suffered tremendously as a result of this seaquake? Think not of this as a blessing but a warning of much more catastrophes to come.
I can't believe that more than 76 000 people have died and all we can do is talk about the fall in the stock market. Ever read
this? For once, I am not here theorizing about life and the disaster's impact as in 9/11. My family and I actually managed to put together 14 bags of clothes. Please donate guys. Msg me if you want to donate. Know alot of people I can hook you guys up with.
Many remark on how much devastating this incident is since its so near Christmas. Well, then show the true spirit of giving and give. Help these people. And I'm not talking cash but clothes and kind. Stop pretending to celebrate Christmas and do something good for once.
You don't have to have a religion to have compassion.
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Shutterbug
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
12:50 p.m.Much anticipated
photos.
I just realised that I have never revealed this addy to people when these photos were meant to be shared. So here is the
link where the pictures for my 20th Birthday, Gen's Birthday celebration, and EHOC photos. Photos from DnD 03/04 are gone though. Forgot to upload those and it was deleted when my computer was reformated. So knock yourself out guys.
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Inner Soul
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
05:19 p.m.
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You Are a Warrior Soul |
You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.
You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
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It has to happen in your heart!
Monday, December 27, 2004
01:51 a.m.Ever wondered why Christmas is such a big event? I mean yea, it celebrates the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, but really if you choose to not believe in Christ or subscribe to Christianity, why right do you have to celebrating this holiday?
I mean just because the Muslims commemorate Prophet Mohamad's birthday, it does not mean that the rest of us non-Muslims join in their parade and prayers. No, actually, we just strike up a riot and kill each other, as seen in the Race Riots of 1964. But I digress.
I've spent the last 2 weeks literally living along the streets of Orchard and Bugis and yea, the music, crowds and deco never failed to give me that ever-familiar tingly warm feeling of Christmas but you know what really gave me Christmas? It was going to church and seeing the spirit of giving, in the youths that went to Thailand on a mission trip just a week before Xmas. But to the whole world, Christmas is about gifts and trees and new clothes. Well let me tell you something. I got nothing I wanted this Christmas. Useless gifts. Horrible grades. Lots of heartbreak. But yet I felt that in my own way, Christmas had served its true purpose in me. It gave me the joy of salvation and new life.
I will never understand how the non-believers out there can complain about gift giving and extra cost when you don't even know the significance of it. Yes, I know you all know the nativity and the biblical story but do you know the feeling? Stop pretending like Christmas is a national holiday. Theoreotically it is but in actuality, its a commercial gimmick like Valentine's Day, that many of us have fallen for, hook, line and sinker.
What's the use of watching Christmas movies and wrapping presents if you don't even know why you are doing it? Responsibility is not an acceptable answer. Its like how all these non-Christian kids out there have 'godparents' but don't even know what that term truly connotates.
Maybe we believe that since the West is predominantly Christian and this holiday enjoys such fan fare, then it must be special. It is special. And please don't ruin it. Seriously. Don't make this an after-effect of cultural imperialism.
Quite frankly, all holidays mean smth to me. Be it CNY, Deepavali or Hari Raya but that is due to the fact that my family has roots everywhere. If we were purely Christian then I would be no hypocrite to go about embracing all these festivals wontonly like I was a Muslim in disguise. Please note that respecting a festival and embracing it are 2 very different things. Even when I go visiting for Deepavali or sew new clothes for it, it is always crystal clear that the joy I derive from it is very different from a true Hindu and every year I try to understand and replicate that joy. But the truth remains. It is not my festival.
Maybe this gross prostitution of Christmas makes a mockery of my religion and faith and hence it angers me so. But really, the gift of Xmas is about giving and sharing and I am willing to do that. Just please recognise its significance. Its just a present to you but a very well thought of gift from me to you and a miniscule representation of what God has given to me.
Christmas isn't Christmas, till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts. |
Not So Merry
Saturday, December 25, 2004
03:04 p.m.Pissed off. Irritated. Frustrated. I can't believe I listened to my friends and let myself be screwed over. Only I know myself best and see? Every module that I picked by myself was fine.
Now how am I supposed to pull my CAP up? Next sem is full of IHG and DnD and all sorts of crap! I barely even have time to breathe. SO DAMN ANGRY!!!!!!!!!
And you know what is ironic? The beyond human limits Biology module that I was absolutely certain would pull me down, ironically pulled me UP! Whilst the MS module that everyone said was easy and I bid an absurd 800+ points for pulls me down. Now tell me if I have every right to be angry or what?
Just one mistake and I have to spend the next 2 years making up for it!!!
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Hahhaaa...Remember the JC nickname?
Saturday, December 24, 2004
05:20 p.m.
You are a cat woman. You are independant and very
self-rigious. You have a mind of your own and
are not afraid to show it. You tend to hide
your true feelings and get frustrated easily).
Who are you inside????? brought to you by
Quizilla
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Growing Up
Friday, December 24, 2004
12:26 a.m.I'm not girly!
I'm not feminine!
No, I have not changed so much! Its just the hair!
And I'm definitely not coy!!
Goodness its so good for us to bitch around in a group like old times. Especially with everyone back for the X'mas break!
I really miss you guys. Never has a group of people understood me as well as you guys. Everyone in hall just assumes I can stand alone,am super serious and confident. Well I suppose in a group everyone has to play a different role and when everyone in hall already has a funky role, I just have to be e serious one. If only they saw me with my IJ and CJ friends!! Haha
I don't want these holidays end!!!!
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Time After Time
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
11:50 p.m.Meeting up with old friends can be such a double edged sword. It can be so happy yet so sad.
The past two weeks have been spent shopping and catching up with various groups of friends. And at the end of every outing, I come back with the same feeling of satisfaction of carrying so many bags but am filled with a sudden wave of nostalgia and bittersweetness. Meeting IJ and CJ friends just makes me all sad. Not only do I become even more fiercely loyal to my alma matter but I realise how sad I am that I had to leave it and face this ugly world. 10 years in one school is no mean feat. Given that I'm 20 now, it means I spent half my like in IJ. Even when I grow older and 10 years seems like a short span of time, never will I be able to stay in another institution, company or department for such a long period of time. That is if I decide to leave the civil service after a while.
I really don't understand this feeling of nostalgia that comes over me everytime. Meeting Kos today also generated the same feelings of joy cum sadness. Like as if I didn't appreciate them enough when we were all together. But even that is a lie. I really thank God for such good friends.
I guess I'm just a mellowdramatic person who likes to live in the past. I have no idea why but I do. I know I've said that I've let go but I haven't. Its still there. I really wonder when I will stop lying to myself and just face it.
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Sit back and smell the gin
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
02:06 a.m.It's amazing how much you can be caught up in all the frenzy life creates, that you fail to realise how enjoyable a good drink with a bunch of good friends can be.
Tonight was amazing. For a few hours, I forgot that I was upset. We just kicked back, relaxed, ate our hearts out, bitched about the govt and talked about everything under the sun. From sharing our lousy fears abt bugs to ghosts to religion. It felt so good to kick back and relax with good friends.
3 guys. 3 gals. Lazing all over the carpet. Gin tonic. Lots of food. That's what life should be about. Taking time off to enjoy the little things and the blessings you have in life. But yet we choose to be swept away by everything else so mundane. I can't even resolve to be more aware of my blessings cuz I know that in less than 3 weeks when the new semester starts, it will be back to the rat race. All I can hope for is for some intelligent and humorous company. This sem was a blast cuz some of really good USP friends. Letz hope this continues!!
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Masochism
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
01:08 a.m.Why am I punishing myself?
Why am I finding comfort in the arms of a stranger?
Why am I slipping?
Why? |
For all the things I cannot enunciate and more, every line in this song articulates for me....
Saturday, December 18, 2004
08:36 p.m.I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Am I mistaken do you say,
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever
Chorus:
But I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow
I like the way you’d hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you’d say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever
(chorus)
Bridge:
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking that we’re together
I wanted our love to last forever
(chorus)
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Just a Coincidence?
Saturday, December 18, 2004
12:52 a.m.You know why they say God works in mysterious ways?
Well, it's because we quite frankly don't want to solve the mystery. So, we choose to follow blindly in his enigmatic ways.
I mean, what is the point of living then, if you know exactly what is going to happen every second of the day? Doesn't that little air of mystery titilate you in the least bit?
Unfortunately, at times, too much mystery can be bad.
Badbadbadbadbad.
Lav is not gona think anymore and pretend she is as dense as a doorknob. Cuz really, she is pretty dumb.
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A Very Long Story with a Very Short Ending
Friday, December 17, 2004
12:18 a.m.It just took one sentence to end it all.
Everyone says I shouldn't be angry at myself but at....
But you're wrong. I was stupid enough to play along, you see.
So its my fault.
No tears, Lav. None.
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Why Am I Always Considered Perfectionistic?
Thursday, December 16, 2004
04:39 p.m.What OC character are you?
You scored as
Kirsten. You are a perfectionist. Be weary of being too rigid and limiting your openness to varied experiences. Neat freaks are just as irrational as slobs. A half messy person is, in fact, the ideal. Optimal evolution (according to the research) is dependent on a sufficient amount of random variation and being overly regimented inhibits variation.
created with QuizFarm.com |
I Hate Myself For Feeling This Way But...
Thursday, December 16, 2004
03:26 p.m.I want to leave.
Get Up. Run Away.
How can a person be fine one day and barely 5 hours later be so down?
The power of words and its effect on people still astounds me.
For I am a victim of language.
Cold,lonely and misunderstood.
Again.
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Not The End
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
04:10 a.m.No, I am not so free.
No, I am not bored.
No, I don't think this is perfect.
I just have been getting quite a few complaints about too many errors occuring when the previous blog layout loaded. Hence, the change. Brace yourself for more. Lav is feeling particularly capricious these holidays.
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Chiongster In Need
Monday, December 13, 2004
11:55 p.m.I need to club.now.club.music.alcohol.now.hip hop.friends.dance.now
Who's up for it?
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The Sabbath
Sunday, December 12, 2004
07:13 p.m.After more than 3 months, I finally went to church. Yes, I finally woke up early, got dressed and made my way to church with my family. For once, there was no carwash or some profound essay due the next day. It was just a day of rest- something my Sundays were once about.
All the way in the car, I braced myself for comments on my lack of church attendance and all that jazz, but upon arrival, so many people were so happy to see me, I think I had one too many a hug. It was kind of sad when I realised that all the youth were off to Thailand for a week beginning from Tuesday for a mission trip whilst I was stuck in S'pore due to hall and govt commitments.
Seeing everyone again made me smile. Especially with Jem and the rest being back in Singapore for the X'mas break. I grew up with these peeps. And suddenly I went to NUS, and forgot about them. I can't do this. I need to prioritize. I really do miss them and God. Gosh, what have I been doing all this while?
I'm not angry at God or in need of re-evaluation of my faith or anything but still I ended up drifting away. The battle of spirit and flesh has ended in favour of bodily fatigue. Lord, please give me the strength to press on in your name. It is my desire, my first love. I just don't know when I decided to let my responsible side take over my dreams and desires.
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Au Revoir or Bonjour?
Saturday, December 11, 2004
01:29 a.m.DPPS is over. With a final round up of points and much discussion, our course on policy making has come to a close. I must say I am impressed. I have learnt tremendously from this course. I never even knew I had so many questions or that I was vaguely interested in the governmental procedure in Singapore! Looks like all that emphasis on creativity actually bore some fruit in me. Haha
I must say however that when we met the Ministers, I honestly felt that they would give us politically correct answers or fail to answer our questions directly. But I actually received succint and apt answers. Interestingly, their answers actually reinforced and at times replicated the many words and phrases that we used in the seminar during our brain storming sessions on the different social, economic and security issues. I suppose this transparency campaign is really working huh?
Well, I'm no civil service convert, but I honestly do feel as if what I do makes a difference now. Perhaps its the propaganda, but idealistic Lav still believes she can change things. And here I thought every joyous, optimistic and creative bone in my body had been cleaned out and zapped dry and than wham! all of a sudden I was this bouncing ball of energy during the 5 days. Haha I can so surprise myself sometimes. Maybe it was the endless amounts of food?
DPPS may have ended, but my journey in my career has only just begun.
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Overflow
Thursday, December 9, 2004
10:20 p.m.There is no comparison between that which is lost by not succeeding and that which is lost by not trying.
Why do the tears seem to want to keep flowing? Many times today, all I wanted to do was cry. But no, I was in a room full of Singapore's future leaders and crying was in no way welcomed.
I have lost and I really want to cry.
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Day Three of Development of Public Policy Seminar- Till Death or the Kids do Us Part
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
11:12 p.m.Do how want to have kids, Lav? How many?
Well, it depends on who I marry or for that matter if I get married doesn't it?
And for some strange reason, that comment extracted many laughs. But I was dead serious. That is a 30% chance that I will wed for I will only do so if I can achieve the kind of ideal marriage life I want or for that matter fall in love with someone long enough to want to be with him. Only then can I consider having kids rite?
Don't get me wrong. I love kids, and if I had a choice I would like to have 2-no preference of gender of course. But that is an ideal situation. I don't even have faith in men let alone marry one and settle down. Thanks EB for trying to volunteer to restore that faith but don't get me wrong. I have very little faith in women too. My trust in people has been betrayed and torn down one too many a time for me to even remotely believe in the good of mankind. Everytime I put myself out there for friends or lovers, I get hurt so I have had enough. Maybe that is why I always keep a certain distance with people. The less vulnerable, the better.
It doesn't matter what policy the government embarks on but the truth remains that it is a personal choice that I will have to make. Yes, I understand that being single and teaching is the most lethal combination around but really can you trust anyone out there besides yourself and your family?
Today's seminar on Marriage and Procreation extracted alot of thoughts. Don't ever say that scholars or career women don't want to have kids cuz the bunch of women I met today were more than willing to procreate if possible. Not surprisingly, lunch time was filled with people swapping stories about their boyfriends and marriage- a discussion I refused to be a part of and make myself sad all over again. So I settled for discussing my parent's parenting methods with some of the guys. It was kind of funny to see how rebellious we actually were when younger.
I don't know exactly why I love kids. SJ and everyone else don't seem at all surprised that I do but well sometimes things don't work out do they? Anyway, I have this whole successful career to build. That should keep me occupied for a while. :) And if I need kids, there will always be the friend's kids rite? Haha Can so imagine Ying, Rach, Lorr, ML, Kos, Naj and so many others with kids. Even Lizard! Hahaa Don't laugh you guys!
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Went to Prison and Came Out a Changed Woman
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
11:07 p.m.Let the record show that I am a firm believer in capital punishment. I know that killing another life does not resurrect the life that was lost and revenge is definitely a very unChristian concept. Nevertheless, if there is no deterrence, murder is going to be as rampant as premaritial sex, not that it already is not. Sometimes I feel as if I was born in the wrong country and with the wrong religion. Seriously, I would have fit perfectly into the Arabic Syrariah Law (albeit the decadent position of women) that dictates the castration of a man for a sexual offence or the chopping off of body parts with relevance to the crime. Yeayea, spare me the preaching of "he who is without sin to cast the first stone". Civic society could never function without law and order.
However today the visit to the prison really redefined my paradigm. Seeing criminals locked up in 7.5m tall walls and lots of barbed wire reminded me too much of an animal in a cage. Mummy says some these peeps are animals and deserve to be in a cage. I was so disturbed after the trip, I came back to hall after the entire session and called her immediately. Not surprisingly, Mummy had no sympathies for them. She attributes it to her numerous run-ins with delinquents when she was teaching.
But I really had sympathy for them. I suppose I had a much less of an eyeopener as Ying who visited the high security Tanah Merah Prison while Rach and I were at the medium security Kaki Bukit Prison. Basically convicts who were detained at a young age and wish to continue their studies or were school dropouts and want to use this time to study again apply to transfer to Kaki Bukit Prison, while repeat offenders and hard core drug offenders go to Tanah Merah. Evidently, there are even 3 transsexuals in Tanah Merah that solicite their sexual services for money and drugs. And they still lure men in jail, thus having to be kept in isolation!
I was seriously impressed when our guides in Kaki Bukit were actually the senior convicts themselves while the prison wardens stood in the wings to just watch. At every stop, a different prisoner would tell us about the facility-be it the library, science lab, multimedia lab, inmate cells etc. To see them so eager to learn and actually try to start anew in this correctional facility actually warmed my heart. Seeing them take a lead and speak highly of the officers in the prison for giving them a new lease of life really made me smile. But in the secret of my heart, I wondered if they truly meant what they said or were merely reciting the politically correct stance? Mummy says I'm young and not as worldly wise as her and that she knows these peeps are lying. They are only reformed for a short period of time but once they reassociate with their old friends, the old ways return. Though, I'm hoping she is just jaded out, I know she is probably right. After leaving the centre today, I sincerly felt like asking Daddy to get his firm to join the Yellow Ribbon Project and help the ex-cons. Was I foolish?
About 15 people sleep in one cell together and have to share the one toilet that is in the cell itself. It is truly spartan and they don't even have pillows but two blankets and a straw mat. Well I suppose their only luxury is the television that can be on from 6pm-8pm daily. I can't really think of a better rehab system. You have nothing to do but study and carry out your chores-be it in the kitchen, laundrette or library. They even have concerts and Teacher's Day and stuff like that. We managed to watch a mini-performance by one of them with this gasing spinning act. It was really cool actually. Makes me understand why my GP teacher in JC left to go to Kaki Bukit Prison School to teach. His life would make a tremendous difference there- something he always wanted to do!
These people are only human. Sometimes they fail to be blessed with a secure and wholesome family environment that many of us take for granted. So they go astray and their mistake follows them for life. While Kaki Bukit gave them a new lease of life, Tanah Merah just handcuffs them to a pole and the inmates are treated almost like dogs. That is barely even humanity.
It is human to err. But change is possible right? Do we really have to treat them so harshly? Mummy says that is the only way. I'm no angel and have my share of really rebellious friends. Last year when CT's bf when to jail for drug traficking and consumption, I felt really sad for her and he was really a good guy at heart. But looking at the inmates now, I certainly hope Sam changes for the better when he is released. I would never want to go back to that facility again even if I was an ex-con.
I've decided. That's the first place I will bring my students to when I'm a full-fletched teacher. Try to drive into their brains that blemishing their record is really no worthy tradeoff. I know the temptations out there. I faced them everyday back in secondary school, JC and maybe even still. Maybe I managed to stay clear cuz I always knew what I wanted. Maybe I was too afraid to try an alternative lifestyle. Maybe.
No kid or student of mine is going to end up there and I will personally see to that. If only I could have the guts to call the police and get them to arrest Uncle AR and friends. Drugs are ruining are their lives and the lives of EVERYONE around them. Kaki Bukit Prison would really do him some good.But its not my life so who am I to intervene?
I learnt alot today. Maybe too much. My world is so small. I really need to venture out.
And once again, for the second time this week, I am not regreting taking up the scholarship even if it has its setbacks.
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Day One of Developments in Public Policy Seminar-The Realisation
Monday, December 6, 2004
08:52 p.m.ML and some others often tell me that I have very little to worry about given that I have a guaranteed job when I graduate and always will as the government always takes care of its scholars. I used to believe that to be a bunch of hot air. I mean it is the 21st Century. I could not possibly expect the government to still take care of me like as if it was the 1970s and LKY was desperate for a capable civil service. There are so many more top brains out there that the govt can use.
But today, I felt like for once they were right. Sitting in a room with fellow PSC scholars from overseas and other governmental bodies as we debated government policies and questioned the rationale of many others, just made that little spark in my brain sizzle and fire up. It has been so long since I have been so intellectually stimulated and more than eager to speak up. Well, my group also helped. Having scholars from MOH, Prisons Dept, URA, MOE and many others sitting together and discussing Singapore from our respective ministries perspective, was probably the most interesting module I have ever done in my life!
As the instructors encouraged us to "jump ship" to different ministries and told us more about policy making, I thought well why not. After discharging about 2 years of my bond teaching, why not move on to a more dynamic job? Being part of creative brainstorming teams for policy concocting and scenario planning for the future of Singapore may barely seem like an attractive job but it sure beats a 9a.m-5pm desk bound job with minimal salary returns.
My mum was part of the pilot team in the 1980s that came up with the MRT line. She used to always talk about her days in URA as she worked with the various French and German engineers on the feasibility of a Mass Rapid Transit system in Singapore. I remember how her eyes would light up as she talked off the decision making process and the concerns involved. It was one of the few times in her life she truly felt her life made a difference and benefited others, even she was a miniscule component of a very giant project. Yea, so the MRT system has its flaws and increasing amount of freak accidents but you have to admit it is of great use to us. I for one would have never been able to attend school without it!
I could do that right? Work in the PM's office or one of the ministries and be part of a council that actually creates change and doesn't just
TALK about it,like everybody else in SIngapore. Everyone just talks and talks of change but if you never take a first step, then who is?
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Holiday Blues
Saturday, December 4, 2004
11:13 p.m.I have a carwash tomorrow. *sigh* Looks like the brief escape was merely a transient memory. It is supposed to be the holidays but I'm booked solid. The whole of next week is filled with the dumb Policy Making course that all PSC scholars must attend. 9am to 6pm of goodness knows what!!
On top of that, I will need to squeeze in DnD marketing stuff as I want my members to have a decent Christmas break at the very least. So many things to do! And as guilty as I am for saying this, where is my vice head??? I'm really getting tired of picking up alot of slack.
Everyone is off on a holiday overseas or working to earn an extra buck but here I am, working my ass off for hall, in the hope that it will equip me with some life skills necessary in the corporate world. While I don't really need to work like some others since financially, my family is pretty stable, I would like to know that for once I was pulling my own weight and not letting the government or my parents pay for me. *sigh* Parents are off for another holiday next week. Yes, it is the SECOND holiday they have taken without me cuz I'm busy!! *grumblez*
Lots of things to do in the next three weeks. So much X'mas shopping and things to do too. I guess this is what makes Christmas. All the pomp and lethargy.
It hasn't even started and already I'm sighing. Really, I'm very happy that X'mas is so near. But the prospect of school in less than 4 weeks and exam results in less than 2 weeks just makes my stomach churn.
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Overhaul
Saturday, December 4, 2004
06:41 p.m.Finally revamped my blog. It's not perfect yet but I'm getting there. Bit by Bit. Figured it has been six months since I first blogged, so its time for a change. I know this skin is a little depressing but its simplicity appeals to me. Furthermore, I did it from scratch!
Don't read too much into it I guess.
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Really?
Saturday, December 4, 2004
01:37 a.m.uh oh. i is dead. says:
its almost like the lottery
uh oh. i is dead. says:
u can try
uh oh. i is dead. says:
but who knows how it'll all turn out when two different individuals get together man
uh oh. i is dead. says:
theorising is all fine and dandy, but its ultimately theory
uh oh. i is dead. says:
no one will ever know how they'll function together as a couple
uh oh. i is dead. says:
u just gotta take the gamble sometimes.
Why is everyone telling me this suddenly? |
How I Wish This Was True
Saturday, December 4, 2004
12:57 a.m.
| LAVINIA |
| L |
is for |
Lucky |
| A |
is for |
Articulate |
| V |
is for |
Virtuous |
| I |
is for |
Ideal |
| N |
is for |
Naive |
| I |
is for |
Inspirational |
| A |
is for |
Abstract |
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One and the Same
Friday, December 3, 2004
02:33 a.m.You might as well be married. There is no difference.
I'm fighting this battle alone.
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'Tis the Season to Be Jolly
Thursday, December 2, 2004
10:01 p.m.After all the emotional mellowdrama of last night, I'm waiting for the repurcussions of things said and done by us to materialise. Guess I should be glad that SD stopped me from doing what I wanted to do but even now, even when I'm dead sober, I still want to do it. Oh well, lost chances are gone forever and never to return again.
Deep inside I already know of two things that are going to happen within the next week or so at least. And as happy as I am about those things, I can't help but sigh.
Well I guess its back to square one. Like always. Amazing how everything is going to turn out in exactly the same way that it began with just 2 small changes. In fact, now I'm just more alone than ever.
What a wonderful Christmas season.
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Alcohol Solves Nothing
Thursday, December 2, 2004
02:59 p.m. Welcome to the club of sad drunks. If you don't give a damn, we don't give a fuck.
I still can't believe that I cried so much. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the next time you get me so high, you will watch me laugh non-stop then cry like the floodgates of heaven have opened.
Goodness am I embarassed.
4 girls. 3 clubs. Excessive alcoholism. No dancing. Lots of tears. Too much puking.
And I could still cry.
Thanks babes for being there for me. I'm totally indebted to you guys. I know I didn't tell you guys the reason behind my tears. But it just couldn't come out. Only tears were flowing.
And I don't really know why.
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blogged at**
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