Commissioning

Sunday, August 1, 2004

12:40 a.m.

It is always nice to be treated like a lady.

Being in a swanky ballroom in the Four Seasons and surrounded by numerous well dressed men who opened doors and gave you flowers was definitely a real treat (especially given how ungentlemanly these Eusoff guys are). It also helped that Joe was good company. Though most of the girls were far from exciting, the evening was fun and the entertainment by the emcee, Daniel Ong, was laudable. Being the born and bred social butterfly, I felt right at home at Commissining Ball even if I was not even really dating my date. Going for this event is a must for any gal, and I'm lucky enough to have been to 2. I could totally do this again. Guess Claire was right. We are born to be taitais and social butterflies. Too bad we were also taught to be fiercely independent in IJ.

But hey! Who ever said those two were not to go hand in hand?? Just look at my mum! Haha

The Source

Saturday, July 31, 2004

03:13 p.m.

SCGS girls suck. They always did. *bleahz*

Outcry

Saturday, July 31, 2004

12:15 a.m.

Gosh I'm pissed. How could you flirt with her right in front of me?? Everyone has been telling me about it but I just chose to be objective. I mean afterall you are my friend's bf. Then you choose to fool around with like every single gal in front of ur gf and all her friends. I'm sorry if my loyalties tend to shift towards her but seriously, curb the hormones and be faithful man!

Yeah so i have no real reason to be pissed but I am affected man. Friendship can be that strong!

Gosh...oh and btw, I'm getting so distracted by HIM (no, not the same bugger I just insulted)! This is crazy but seriously. I don't know what it is but it just makes me all goofy smily. Oh no Lav stay on track!

Amazing Race

Thursday, July 29, 2004

01:10 a.m.

So finally my amazing race was truly amazing. Had damn alot of fun laughing and joking with the freshmen. Xi Lin is literally brimming with energy. Looks like I have another go crazy friend to do ridiculous bimbo stuff with. haha..

Oh and RS is so freaking strong. In a playful punch, he was able to displace my centre of gravity and allow my descent to the road from the curb. He was definitely not the rugby captain for 3 divisions for nothing man. He seriously is IT. Gentle as a mouse but strong like hell. I am amazed...oh and happy...don't worry. And no Shan, I am NOT smitten.

Turns out the elitist ACSians got down from their moral high horse and revealed their actual sweet selves. Nice job guys. Hope it stays that way too.

Oh and in another friendster like move, Christina's shift to D Blk turned out to be a blessing in disguise cuz the freshman (Charlene) that took over her rm turned out to be good friends with mine. Lucky ass Char is at MS with the other 'happening' freshmen now. Hmph! Next Saturday babe. Hang in there! You can do it Lav!

I'm sorry I'm not perfect

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

09:59 a.m.

Talking to the girls yesterday made me ponder more about my current ambivalence in life. About how I was simply floating. How I seemed to listen and give in to people so much. About how I didn't know what I wanted. About how I am lost.

Sadly that is the truth. For some reason I have lost all courage to stand up for the things I want. Sometimes I'm just too tired. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Really.

I am not happy with where we are. But do I really have a choice? 8mths is too long a wait. So technically I should just leave right? But why can't I? What is holding me back? I don't seem to get it. But truth be told I cannot walk away. And I hate it.

Nothing seems to make sense anymore. I resent being where we are but I rather be here than not at all. And I still don't know why. I need to pick myself up and move on. This was all a recurring dream that I need jolt myself out of. Easier said than done of course.

I can't tell you this cuz you'd prob laugh. You probably don't even care. You have so many others unlike me. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. But guess what my dear? You pretty much are. And I always knew that.

The Apology

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

12:39 a.m.

Imagine being up since 8am and rushing from meeting to meeting till 12midnight.

Only then will you begin to understand my typical day. I barely even have time to let my mind think. Perhaps thats a good thing. I don't know.

I am having fun. But I don't really know why. From screaming and fooling around with the freshmen to super serious JCRC meetings- the purpose just seems ambivalent.

Am I really a friendly person? So vivacious, effervescent, amiable and noisy? I seriously doubt so. People sometimes have to force me to speak up. So weird.

It is now that I realise the truth. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I'll do anything to get high. Even if no one can understand it. I'm sorry Ma that I had to snap at you and just take off on Sunday. I had no choice. You taught me to be responsible and I am what you moulded. I'm sorry if I always disappoint you. I really do try you know. I really do.

I'll just never be good enough. And I'm sorry.

Debrief

Saturday, July 24, 2004

09:07 p.m.

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster!!

I have gone from happy to super sad to extremely fuming mad to freaking pissed and then finally to ultra excited. All in just one week. One busy busy week with fatigue as the only constant.

Each night I failed to blog for I was too overcome by emotions or simply unable to sit still in front of a computer for more than 30mins. I don't know when I became so busy or so involved in hall but whatever it is I am in too deep now. For the strangest reason, I have sold my whole soul to hall. Early this week, I was so tired I couldn't even eat. Yet I still went to help Rag to paint and cut cans until 2am.

If anything, I felt like a true blue EHOCer this week. I literally shifted gears from a Flagger by name to moonlighting as a Programmer and Ragger when need be. Yes, not everything went as smoothly as I wished it to be. I fought tooth and nail to not fall sick early this week despite a severe sore throat. Victory was mine but it came at the price of a tiff with JCRC, avoidance of the lawyer and irritation at a neighbour's flexibility to others. At least that late night rendevous with Shan really helped get my mind off things.

But tribulation did not stop there as the cumulation of my hardwork was seen on Wednesday when the Flag team painstakingly assembled the matric packs. Once again, the rare philosopher in Lav struck and I chronicled the fact of how "the packing of the matric packs was to be the accumulation of my hard work for the past 3mths but it seemed like more hard work that I had put in for the entire EHOC period". So after a severe back ache, extreme fatigue, dehyrdation and insomnia, Thursday came and I was officially a senior.

To all non-EHOCers, all I can say is that you have no idea what you missed. Seeing the whole Flag and Programme team work together so well made me smile. Becoming vivacious and effervescent Lav was slightly more difficult given the accumulated fatigue but I gave it my best. And well naturally there was the added motivation of seeing RS and some other cute freshmen. Oh and there was that whole teasing of SJ about Mr. Sim. Hahaha...hilarious.

Yet just as I thought I had battled it all, I had to run from Matric Fair to Formal Intro to Ice-breakers when all I wanted to do was hit the sack. Every ounce of my body just needed rest. Yet duty called and as luck would have it Naj, Justin and I ended up at counsellors for the very orientation group that our friends were in. Like seriously, no strings were pulled but we had the best time. So much fun that I forgot I was tired and actually went to Sentosa the next day. And got so drenched I had to stand in the tent with Anna, Naj and Lorr with an umbrella shivering our life away. But oh did I mention how I had the most amazing day and dinner with the freshmen as I actually cheered with PRCs and had dinner with 8 freshmen who very convincingly believed I was a freshmen too. Haha..and oh Serene..you were right, Mash,ZH and Alex are damn funny. Just ask them about our lil Balls and Cock game.

That is barely even a brief sypnosis of my one week. But as much as tiredness mounts I have to prevail. I'm glad I'm having fun at least. Just have to put the shit behind me and heck it. Salute to the Programmers though for a job well done. Nvm what the chiefs are saying. I think you guys are great and that is what matters. And hey remember I'm supposed to be a "freshman"? So what I say counts more than them. Kudos to thee!

Frantic

Saturday, July 17, 2004

01:31 a.m.

I can't breathe.



One SMS and my heart skipped a beat. This is worse that I thought it was. Oh no.....



.........help........

The Genesis

Sunday, July 11, 2004

08:58 p.m.

So this is the virgin blog from my new room in C3. The room is not fully ready as boxes are strewn all over the floor but I need to take a break. All the moving was tiring but fun. A big thank you to my sister, Sharmaine, who kindly gave up her Sunday to help me. Having Lorr and Rach arond also helped as we teased each other and cleaned...or more like Lorr's maid cleaning for her. And you people say I'm spoilt!! At least I resisted bringing my maid down!! No worries Lorr, we still love you. As SD said, letz share the maid! hahaha

Though we are not back in full force yet as Ying and FY have yet to move back to hall, the prospect of school and stress looms nearer. My honeymoon will soon become history as I'm thrown back into the abyss they call school. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate school. I just dread the pace and amount of work along with the pressure to excel. I actually love learning. Itz mugging that irritates me. Learning does not mean mugging but why does no one see it? And why do these muggers end up being the one's on Dean's List? Seems like the only way out is to join in their ranks; which of course I have failed to do thus far.

I have 3 more weeks of carefreeness - of meetings in the morn and afternoon, 4hr dinners with friends and rag sessions post-midnight. Yes, I'm tired and gaining weight. But it is for a good cause. At least I'm enjoying myself. When term starts, I have to juggle all of the above along with academia. Kills the joy almost instantenously.

That is why I'm glad I'm in C3:- where together we live and learn. Thank you FY, SD, Lorr and Addie for convincing me to stay with you guys. This is gona be a blast. And I hope it is not just volume wise. ahaha =)

Tag Board Error

Sunday, July 11, 2004

12:07 p.m.

Finally managed to get my tagboard to work. Not sure what went wrong with the other one despite repeated remedies. Thx Lzd and Anne for informing me of the fault. Go ahead and tag away with the new one!

Truth be Told

Saturday, July 10, 2004

11:35 p.m.

It startled me that it took Gen, the friend who is a continent away from me, to realize how discontented I am at life.

No one and I mean none of my existing friends in the same geographical location as me could sense my inner sorrow. Perhaps it is cuz they see me so often they take my sulleness as a permanent state of mind. Makes me wonder if I should be glad for their acceptance or peeved at their insensitivity.

So why am I discontented u ask? Well it is about time I start letting it out. Even if no one bothers to listen. Perhaps saying it out will make me accept it more.

So let us see:

1. I’m in the wrong faculty. My dad was always right. I was just too obstinate to listen. Only further evidence of my inherent asininity.

2. I hate the people I study with the exception of a novel few.

3. I seem to be loosing all my IJ, CJ and miscellaneous friends and I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.

4. I haven’t been to church in 2 months cuz of my religious dedication to washing cars.

5. I walked out on the best prospect of my life.

6. My grades are slipping.

7. No one seems to make much sense or engage in intellectual exchanges. My whole conception of university has been ruined.

8. I dedicate my whole life to hall and have no idea why.

9. The drift in the family ties is exacerbating.

10. Oh and I’m getting fat. Gained 8kg since I left JC. Depression leads to this or so they say.


So besides that, life is hunky-dory. Unhappy you ask? No just discontented. Like a gaping hole in my heart. Well no one can ever truly be fully satisfied. I must either be an excellent actress or it is high time I discard some of these alledged friends.

Havoc

Friday, July 9, 2004

12:39 a.m.

Oh dear! Is this what I'm known for? Looks like I have a penchant for being associated with such schools, classes and halls. Doesn't make me any less pristine though rite?

Mockery

Tuesday, July 6, 2004

01:38 a.m.

So just one day after the post, Clement calls us bitchy. And this is with no prompting or encouragement from anyone or with prior knowledge of my blog. The same IJ label again.

Unforgiveable I say.

A Tribute to The Love of My Life

Saturday, July 3, 2004

11:08 p.m.

It is reading things like this that upset me. Makes me feel sad for no tangible reason. Sad for growing up. Sad for realising too late. Sad for realising retrospect can be such a curse at times.

It is a common misconception that all of us are a "havoc", "rowdy" and arrogant bunch. I rememberly vividly the 1999 Choir Tour of HK (also the most amazing year of my life and our 145th Anniversary Celebrations) and how the Catholic High boys were scared stiff of us due to the stigma. Horror of horrors ensued in JC when everyone just neatly classified me as "bitchy" but jusitified cuz I was an IJ gal. In fact, we are supposed to possess certain characteristics upon graduating from a specific IJ school. Apparently SJC girls are ready to be wives (sorry jo). KC girls are sluts (sorry Lzd but look at Adri). St. Nicks gals are lesbo (sorry maomao). STC gals are lians. Oh and I saved the best for last. IJ tp gals are bitchy and havoc. As much I would beg to differ, there is some truth to these accusations. Do note however that these makeup only a small minority. I repeat minority.

Ask another IJ gal if any of these labels fit and they would only laugh. I don't think any of my IJ friends are bitchy but apparently every single one of them have been called that at least once to their face. Maybe we are just bitchy to non-IJ pple. But even that is dubious. Come on. Seriously. I don't recall any group of friends I have made anytime else in my life who are so open and frank to me. It is a no holds barred bond that unites us. Like when I thought Sam was a scum, I said it verbatim to Claire. Or when I pissed the hell out of MSY, she just called me a liar to my face. No hard feelings. Just straight facts. If I was to speak openly now, I would only be making myself vulnerable to further backstabbing. Not to mention labelled as tactless. I recall how I once rather openly called a fellow JC classmate a bimbo and nearly caused WWIII. Like seriously, she was acting like a dimwit and much like a vacuous individual, she had to take arms at the comment. Ridiculous I say. Why hide your feelings then later salaciously gossip? That is not girl talk. That's plain bitchy. So just because we IJ gals tend to explicitly show out distaste, it does not mean we are bitchy. Prima dona maybe but definitely not bitchy. Check your definitions buster. Now look how I have watch my tongue.

Well since my alledgedly "bitchy" side tends to manifest itself one too many times, here is advanced apologies to one and all. I know I did it the other day at flag meeting to Kevin. No offence dude. I just had to say it. Sorry if everyone else laughed at your expense.I didn't expect them too. Honest.

I miss you so much. I miss the hilarious teachers, equally zany friends, witty conversations and etc. I never knew what I had till I left and nothing has ever been the same since. Which is why I must go back there when I serve my bond. I will not survive elsewhere. I repeat will not. Things only exacerbated after I graduated as everyone started flying away to beat the system. Optimistically, I probably did good enough to survive in the system. Pessimistically, I was the only one without the guts to leave. Since everyone else did do well too. *sigh* I now only have 3 close IJ pals in S'pore. Did I mention that Claire is leaving for Trinity on Thurs? Life is not fair. I swear.

It is amazing how all through JC I could not wait to enter uni. Now in uni, I can't wait to graduate but the thought of my preordained future makes me want to stay in school longer. Interestingly, in IJ, I never wished to leave. I never wished to stay either but I was at equilibrium. Happy, safe, stable. Limbo only came about in JC. Sometimes I wonder what I did for 10years in IJ. Going to JC was the biggest eye opening experience of my life. People speaking mandarin, mother tongue languages conducted in the respective vernacular tongue, poor English, people speaking mandarin, crude actions and language, teachers who never joked or and did I mention people who speak mandarin? Yes, I still fail to get over tt shock. Until today, it still irritates me to the core when people suddenly sink back to their vernacular tongue. This is Singapore dammit. Go speak Chinese in Malaysia, China or Taiwan or smth. You don't see me speaking Malay or Tamil do you? So shut the hell up. Only IJ girls see this logic. Oh and AC guys. The SJI peeps are real traitors to our linguistic cause. Never did like them much anyway.

I'm so glad I come from a lineage of IJ girls and SJI guys. Sometimes I feel like having a kid just to carry thru with this tradition. Seriously. Which is why he seems so perfect at times. You know everyone always asks me why I love IJ so much. This is a question I could never adequately qualify but it is an experience you have to be part of before understanding. Like how you never know stress till you have done the A levels. And to think I nearly went to MGS at the PSLE reselection. No offense Chris and Angela. I'm sure it would have been a blast too.

I'm a true bred IJ gal. I speak good English (though it has taken some hits in uni), aspire to be a tai-tai, am declared havoc by a select few who have yet to see my even havoc-er friends and still rant and giggle like a 16year old despite being much older. You're an IJ gal when you do all the above. It's unmistakeble. Even from a mile away. Just the other day at pictionary, Sharon was scolding Kevin for his poor drawing of a convent when all he needed to do was point at me. I was so touched. Yet I don't know why this ZC keeps insisting I'm from RGS though. Oh and btw not all articulate women have to be lawyers. They could be convent girls.

The Game

Saturday, July 3, 2004

01:30 a.m.

thx Naj for the inspiration. Too bad theory and reality rarely coincide.

You Are A Professional Girlfriend! You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy. What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

A sign?

Open a fortune cookie!
Username
Do you like chinese food?	YesNoSometimes
Your fortune	Many a false step is made by standing still.
Is luck on your side?	(8) - As I see it, yes. - (8)
This Quiz by Confused_Pete - Taken 50935 Times.

Purification

Friday, July 2, 2004

09:28 p.m.

Encounters out of the ordinary are rare in one's life. But I have been blessed today.

You see, today I cleansed. It is now pristine again.

I cleaned my room and tidied all the numerous files and notes I have. I have categorised everything that needs to be taken back to hall on the 14th and what needs to remain home. Yet I am not done. I have yet to tidy the cupboard. Saving the best for last? Perhaps. Which reminds me. I need to go stationery shopping. Or actually stationery and furniture shopping. Decided I need a new rug and more bean bags for my hall room along with files and etc. Reminder to make a shopping list.

So since spick and span suddenly became the aim of the day, let me reveal to you the reason for my sudden urge for immaculation.

I lost my room keys.

Yes, I misplaced them. But knowing me I refused to admit defeat and searched high and low. The perfectionist in me emerged though and decided to turn the catastrophe into a blessing by cleaning up the stacks of files and bags that lived under my desk under the pseudonym of "procratination". Fret not the keys were found. I had carelessly thrown them into the shopping bag along with the new Prada handbag and shoes. No, just the handbag was from Prada and it was highly subsidized. *wink*

But they were not the only items I found.

I also realised I was a member of several hairsalons, found a brand new Harley Davidson shirt I had bought a month ago but had forgotten to unpack and lots more. This is amazing. I actually became messier in the holidays. True rest only came upon the sanitization of the entire room. Surprisingly, I was only able to nap fitfully upon the intense purification of the chamber. No wonder I always felt unfulfilled when I left home.

Oh did I mention that I made $20.35 cleaning and the figure is still increasing. Apparently it is tradition to find money when cleaning. The Clean Fairy will leave bags of coins and notes at strategic spots to entice the lackadaisical vagrant to expand her frontiers. It also keeps away dust mites and other harmful organisms. The shine of the bronze and silver plating radiates a heatwave detrimental to anything with a brain diameter that is below 8-10cm. If saved, interest will double. Visits by the Fairy are rare and need to be endorsed by parental consent. Now how come I never knew that?

***