Friday, May 16, 2003
05:27 p.m.

I'm beginning to seriously think that if I died, the only people who would really notice would be the ones who had to deal directly with the body. Nobody else would remember that I had even been alive. Hell, it's like that now, and I'm not even dead, yet.

Not that I'm sitting around contemplating suicide or anything; it just gets a bit depressing when you make efforts on behalf of a person or party, and you make them over quite a long time, with all your heart, and then you wake up and realize that, as I say, they don't even know you're alive. It's a damn good thing I'm not in love with anybody. I just wish I knew whose ass I had to kick for simple recognition, and how many times, and how hard to kick it.

Monday, May 5, 2003
08:08 p.m.

Okay, you've made it clear you don't want to talk to me. You've made it very clear for almost two weeks, now. But what have I done that is so fantastically offensive none of you could even email me about it? What have I done that affects all of you, on the continent and off? And if it's nothing I've done, why the fuck do you log on to Instant Messenger only to put up an away message, and never take it down? Am I really so horribly boring, abrasive, cloying, repulsive?

I'll stop right away, then. I'll go away for a little while. I don't expect any of you to notice. I'll be right here the whole time, actually. You can email me, but I don't expect you to.

Friday, May 2, 2003
07:26 p.m.

The rain started very late today, long after noon, actually, but when it finally hit in earnest it came hard and steadily.

Now sunset isn't far off, and the rain seems to have paused just for that. The light outside is all strange and clear... everything smells wonderful. It's one of those magic moments I've always wanted to live in. I just wish they'd stop cutting down all the trees in the neighborhood, it's really pissing me off!!

I'm also tormented with a compulsion to cram fantastically unhealthy things in my body. Like those bags of leftover Easter candy in my bedroom. I've been very very good for three months, mebbe could cheat just once....

Right now I gotta go outside and stare up at the sky a little more, before the sun goes down.

Saturday, April 19, 2003
09:41 p.m.

People just don't want to listen to me. I don't speak up very often, and I don't say anything stupid, but they just don't listen. And on the rare occasion somebody does listen, they immediately come around with four of their friends to kick me in the teeth (apparently it makes no difference what I say).

Meanwhile the microwaved-Furby thread will be going like a house on fire.

You people don't deserve the intelligence required to use a computer. I have to wonder if such questionably-sentient troglodytes can be counted as 'human,' seeing as our race is homo sapiens: man who thinks. You'll have to be demoted to homo habilis, since you can obviously use tools, but there is no descriptor in the nomenclature to specify whether those tools are used properly.

I wish the world would hurry up and end, already.