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Eccentric
Thursday, April 14, 2011
11:52 a.m.
I'm already 23 years old. And I've been thinking a lot about my future. I'm not getting any younger, as you all know. >.<
When I think about JI-ship that's waiting for me in the next schoolyear after this, I get scared. Well, reading all those statuses from my classmates in Twitter and Facebook show me how difficult and time-consuming JI-ship really is. They go to school everyday including weekends and holidays. It's like, no life for a year. When I get to where they are now, I won't have time to do all the things I enjoy doing; my hobbies: cosplaying, playing games, and practicing my Japanese will be slowed. I know I'm the type of person who tried to make time for things I like no matter how tight the schedule, but JI-ship, I really don't know. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, me repeating a schoolyear. I have more time to do the things I want, while aiming to get even higher grades in the subjects I did badly in. I need to enjoy while I still can. I'm afraid that once I get into JI-ship, I will become a different person. Well, they say change is good, to improve who you are. But that's not what I'm afraid of. I'm scared I will turn into a person I'm not. Even my mom sometimes tells me, "you're going to be a doctor, and you like clothes like this?" *shows me eccentric and goth-style clothes*
To be honest, if being a doctor means I have to be someone I'm not, then I don't want to be a doctor. It's not like I'm going to wear those in the office anyway. I want to be who I want to be. I am me. And I am not the type of person who has to wear stiff clothing everyday wherever I go. I want to be comfortable. I want to express who I am. I want to be a doctor. But I'm sure being a doctor doesn't mean I have to become a completely different person. I'll be a doctor who likes anime, plays video games, and cosplays (if my age still fits). It's what I like and who I am. People need to change that image they have of medical professionals, as if we are always coat and tie people who are too serious for whatever. We get the busiest schedules and most difficult lifestyles, but we are still the same people with our own interests. At least those who keep to their interests no matter what can still keep the life they love even if the schedule is as tight as a can of sardines. And that's the kind of person I'm going to be.
2012A
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
08:27 p.m.
Today was the last day I was going to be with them in a class; the last day I was with my groupmates as a group. It was also Ria's birthday. I stayed for her lunch treat. And for a while, I enjoyed. Then the clock ticked 1:15pm. I had to go back to Mezza because I was going to be picked up at 2pm. And that's when everything, the memories, started pouring into my mind.
I've cried for my grades. I've cried because I was ashamed. But this time, I cried because I was not one of them anymore. Though I know I should not have been crying because hey, we're still in the same school and all. But still, they're interns and they're still together, while I have to repeat my subjects again without my "family". I was glad they were being supportive, while I supported them. Most especially Ria, Robin, Ana, Vincent (I'm glad I became their groupmate)... The others even texted me when they couldn't see me. It was relieving. But...
Of all those people, my groupmates, my friends, even the groupmates I'm barely close to... most of them took the initiative to approach me and talk to me, or pat me on the head, give me a hug, or let me cry on their shoulders. But I was surprised that Bjorn never took that initiative. I know the feeling isn't mutual. I like him, he doesn't like me. He already avoids me because of this. But I never imagined that it would go as far as this. He didn't have to talk, a pat on the head would have sufficed. But no, there was nothing at all. And that was just the saddest thing in this whole fiasco.
I'm not saying the others weren't enough, heck, they were more than enough. But you know how it is when you like someone. You'd want at least a piece of caring returned, no matter how small.
Well, there's nothing I can do about it except to let go, right? I've crushed on Bjorn for three years, and it's been fun while it lasted.
Congratulations, UERMMMC Medicine 2012! Looks like JI-ship is going to be as toxic as organophosphate. But if it's you guys, I'm sure you'll make it out alive. XD Good luck!
And Then I was Gone
Monday, March 28, 2011
08:49 p.m.
Last night, I came back to Mezza filled with hope. This morning, as I was dressing up in my uniform, I was prepared to get my grades and to see the list. And as I carried my feet to the registrar's office, I found the list and scanned down the "A" last names...
...
Ang, A
Ang, J
Ang, V
Arrobio
Ascue
Atutubo
...
I looked again and again. And I realized, my name was missing. I stared at the list. And within seconds, it sank. I was not promoted.
I dragged myself to the room of the orientation for the JIs. And when I entered the room, I felt like I didn't belong in there. Why was I there? Well, a classmate said even those who weren't promoted should go. There was attendance. But I couldn't stand being in there. I went out and sat outside, feeling ashamed, sad, angry... so many emotions at once. Later on, the Dean of Medicine saw me there and invited me to enter the room. I shyly shook my head and turned down her invitation. And then she asked if I was an incoming 4th year. I sheepishly replied, "No." and sat back down outside. It wasn't long before she approached me and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything; what I must have failed, and I asked her if I could repeat. Fortunately, she said yes, because 3rd years don't get dropped. I was slightly relieved. Then came her advices and one of those I won't forget:
"The patients are not going to come to you and look for your grades. They will come to you because you are a doctor and you will help them."
She advised me to see this one prof about my grades, and when I followed her advice, I found that I was hit hard below the belt. You know how it feels when you think you only have a common cold only to find out that you actually have Dengue fever? A weird analogy, but let's say I failed more than what I thought. And that was an extremely painful revelation.
I'm glad though, my friends from class were there for me. They didn't know what to say, but that's expected. They've advanced and I've lagged behind. But still I'm glad if all they could offer was a hug; if all they could offer was to see me cry. After all, it's a year too early for us to separate. I fell in love with 2012A a little too late. But I had fun while I was still one of them.
I'm glad to have been part of 2012A for three years. However, it's time for me to watch them go on as they secure their way to grabbing the "MD" title. I guess I'll catch up to them later on.
Progress
Thursday, March 24, 2011
10:31 p.m.
Thursday. Just a few more days and it's off to school again for me. Meh. Well, that's assuming I passed everything. Though all the grades aren't out yet. So far, I passed Ophthalmology, Clinical Pathology, and Surgery. Weh... I wonder If I passed the others...
Also, I made a new forum along with Rainy. It's called "Meisekimu", which is Japanese for "lucid dream". It's an otaku forum, so yeah. So far no members. >.< But I still have to fix the design and stuff. Meh.
Well, that's all for now. I don't know what else to talk about... See ya.
I've Fallen in Love with 2012A
Monday, March 21, 2011
12:39 p.m.
Finally done with exams. I'm sure I screwed a lot of them up, and so I'm not that confident about making it to JI. The past three years in medical school slowly turned me into a pessimist. But still, I tried my best to cling on to every last strand of optimism I had. After all, it isn't over until it's over. And while I await the results of my efforts, last weekend I went with half the class to Bauan, Batangas.
The beach trip was as fun as it could be. Just like with Potipot, I had to meet up with them for the bus ride in school at around 5:30am. We left at 7am though, because of a few latecomers. Unfortunately, Bjorn wasn't coming. I was kinda disappointed, but he had other plans and so I decided to make do with whatever. ^^;
The bus ride was not that eventful, but I did get to watch "Despicable Me". That movie was as good as other people told me. I enjoyed it. XD There wasn't any karaoke like there was when we went to Potipot, so the trip on the way was actually kinda quiet. When we got to Bauan, we had to stop by a jeep station of some sort, and take a jeep to the resort because the bus won't fit through the roads, and yeah they were right. The roads were as narrow as a sidewalk. O_o
We rented the whole La Thalilia beach resort to ourselves. It had a pool, free coffee and tea, little outdoor kubos, a barbeque grill, and a karaoke box. My room was shared with three of my FilAm classmates. Oh, and the room was quite comfy. At least we each had our own bed. XD
I did a little walking around before finally hitting the beach. The water was as cold as weh, but tolerable. There were a few rafts off the shore and a floating kubo with table and benches. It was a swimming distance, as long as you knew how to swim. XD Speaking of which, a new couple bloomed while we were eating lunch. They took a small boat to the floating kubo and had a little alone time chat over there. Of course, when they got back, everyone cheered and knew what was going on. Lol.
I swam to the kubo after getting bored staying near the land. Lol. I joined Robin and some others over there. There was a medium-sized boat behind the kubo, and I decided to "hi-jack" it. With a good amount of effort, I acquired victory, along with two others. Yey! XD And we just sat there. Lol, so much for a victory prize.
I also sang the karaoke. It was fun. XD I don't remember what I sang though, because I sang a lot. ^^; When night time came, I hung around with different groups, like the karaoke group, the FilAm group, the drinking group, the drunk group... Lol. Socialize much. Even the photoshoot group. XD I even got my own "model" photo taken. Lol. I was also unfortunately paired with the guy my groupmates used to use to hide my intense liking for Bjorn. And yeah, I'm a little more open with this now, since practically everyone who could care already know. And I also said "used to" because it was also on this day when it became extremely obvious of what was really going on. I actually got a confession from said guy. I wasn't surprised. I'd already questioned why the people kept teasing. It was a bit too persistent to be meant as a method to hide my liking for Bjorn. And it was just this day when I confirmed it, what with the attempts to follow me around the whole day. The confession wasn't a surprise. Sadly, I had to give him a negative answer. I hope he took it well.
Amazingly, I was wide awake till 3:30am. Actually, I wasn't even sleepy at that time because of all the things that were going through my head. Watching people getting drunk left and right was also enjoyable. Lol. But I decided to sleep anyway after a little bugging from my "group leader". I slept around 5mins after he did. I'm an obedient little girl after all. Lol. XD
I went swimming again the next morning, and dragged a seemingly hydrophobic FilAm with me to the floating kubo. Lol. I'm sure he had fun. XD I'm not going to lie though, after Bjorn, he's the second one. LOL. Just cute, but no crush development. Nyahaha.
I tried my best to enjoy the trip, and indeed I enjoyed every second. This might be my last time together with them after all. It would have been nice if Bjorn was there, but I didn't let that stop me from having my fun. I even drank a little. I think I got a little hyper but definitely I wasn't drunk. Hehe.
I hope there'd be more, but I'm glad for now. I guess I fell in love with my class this time. It's the only class I've ever been part of where I'd fit in any small groups they had, and I'd still enjoy. Thanks so much, 2012A. ^^
Sir Lee, a great loss
Monday, February 21, 2011
11:41 p.m.
Today I found out that an old professor of mine while I was still in DLSU passed away sometime after lunch.
That professor was Mr. Anthony Lee, who just this year received his PhD, and so was most probably referred to as Dr. Anthony Lee for a while until today.
Some of my old classmates were under him during the thesis days. One is studying in UERM right now, but in a different section. She along with her old thesis groupmates were the most affected in the block. Apparently, last Friday, they visited DLSU and wanted to see sir. But he was in Ilocos at that time, so they made a letter and placed it inside his pigeon hole in the department of Biology. Supposedly, he was supposed to see it and read it today; however, at about 3am this morning, he suddenly had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and was rushed to the hospital. By the looks of the posts on his Facebook wall, he was still alive throughout the morning. Then at about lunchtime, he had passed away. He never got the chance to read his students' letter, and that was just the saddest thing I heard today. I nearly cried when I learned about little story. It's just really tragic.
Sir Lee was my professor during my last year in DLSU. He was my prof in CELLBIO and MICROBI (when I took it for the second time). He was a good teacher. He was very patient and always found smiling every time he was teaching. He had a way of dressing too, as his clothes always stood out and were occasionally not your average kind of clothes. He made MICROBI more understandable and easier the second time I took it. I remember it was also CELLBIO where I was having so much problems with. I remember I was aiming to be a DL and I was so scared of what grade I'd get for CELLBIO. In the end, I made it to DL when I graduated. Good times.
I'm not as close to him as the others are, but I know he was a good teacher. Heck, if I remember who he was, then he must really have made an impact on me right? Yes, Sir Lee was a well-liked professor in DLSU's Department of Biology. His death was most unexpected, very shocking, and very sad. I would like to visit his Wake, but I'm afraid that if I see his body, those school memories will creep up on me, no matter how insignificant they seem, and I will end up crying. Other than that, I've got no means of going there or coming back either. Therefore, I instead hand my condolences to his family, friends, and those students who were very close to him. Sir Lee's death was a tragic loss, but all we can do now is pray and realize that he's most probably on his way to a better place.
Bravery
Friday, February 18, 2011
11:20 a.m.
When I confess to someone that I like them, the one thing that would hurt the most is when they would begin to avoid me or feel uncomfortable around me. In the case of B.K.A., I already knew he was doing this. I noticed that change. Before, he'd make fun of me, pull my hair, poke me... All that stop rather abruptly a few weeks after I told a classmate about my feelings. No, it was not Blue Birdy #1 nor was it Ria. It was still fine that time. I noticed he was avoiding me, and noticing it really stung... But reading that he admits it (through text), it hurt a bit more than I anticipated. It pierced just hard enough for me to produce tears. No, I wasn't that depressed, just sad and disappointed. When I think about it though, it hurt more than with Bean, an old college crush. Probably it's because I've been crushing on B.K.A. for such a long time. I knew that I'd get a negative reply when I confessed. I prepared myself for it. I knew it was coming. I didn't care if he wouldn't like me back. I knew he didn't. What I didn't want was for him to avoid me. Heck, just me having such a strong crush on him prevents me from talking to him properly in person. What more when he's uncomfortable around me. I want to talk, but when I gather the courage to, an aura of "back off" surrounds him and I get extra shy. It's torture.
Well, I told him I wish he didn't feel uncomfortable with me. I don't know if he'd change. Today, I was so nervous about going to class. He knows the truth after all, and I was just kinda scared if he'd avoid me all the more. But today, when we'd pass each other, he'd give that nice smile and say "Hey *my name*!" What a simple thing, and it was enough to make me feel better even if just for a moment. I've been told I was a brave girl for doing what I did, and many times before. I don't know if bravery would change anything for the better in such a situation, although it did once before. But this time, will it really change things for the better?
The first huge step I took this 2011 was passing Neurology exam. The next was this. Maybe... Just maybe this schoolyear will end well. Maybe I can finally become close to Bjorn like I am with Robin? Yes, his name is Bjorn.
Emotional Suicide
Thursday, February 17, 2011
07:38 p.m.
Today was B.K.A.'s and some other classmates' birthday. We had a pizza lunch. Well, half the class was invited pretty much. Everything was going well. I had two bars of chocolate in my bag; a birthday gift for who else of course. Blue birdy #1, Ria, and Ana knew about it, and were obviously anxious for the moment I give it to him. I planned to give it after the Pizza party when less people were around at least. Just not half the whole class.
Towards the end of the party, people started posing for pictures, especially for B.K.A.'s nice camera. So there were group pictures, pair pictures, groupmate pictures... I was minding my own business observing people and jumping in on some pictures with others. He had some pair pictures with some people. To my horror, Blue birdy #1, with his big booming voice suddenly blurted out:
"SI *my name* AT B.K.A. NAMAN PICTURE!!!"
And then followed a chorus of, "OOOOOHHHHHH.....!!!" from the people who KNEW.
Half the class was there. And they all turned to me and B.K.A.. I felt my cheeks burn like hell, my heart raced at 200 beats per minute; and I turned to Blue Birdy #1 and punched him as hard as I could. Of course it didn't have an effect 'cause he's too fat to even feel anything. I must have been as red as a tomato, as I heard one of my classmates say, "Namula sya o!". Gad. That was just... @_@
He surely knows now. That moment was just extremely obvious. I want to murder Blue Birdy #1. He sucks. I finally gave my chocolate when it was just me, him, and five others. I handed it pretty shyly, and I seriously couldn't even look him in the eye. I greeted a shy "Happy birthday" and he thanked me back with a nice smile. And just now, I finally told him the truth. Through text. Telling him in person was extremely hard to do. Now, all I have to do is way for his damn reply to my text! (C'mon! I'm extremely nervous right now! This is emotional suicide!)
10,000 Hells
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
04:52 p.m.
Once again, it's been a while. I've been really busy, studying my butt off for last week's 5th long exams. How did I do? Well, so far, the only good news was Surgery. I just checked out my Medicine grade and I got a 71%. All the exams for that subject average to a crappy 72%. Ha. And I've got the 6th exam, OSCE, and finals to go. I don't know if there's still hope for me. I hope there is... And even if I do well in Medicine, there's still Pediatrics and especially Neurology.
Neurology...
It's my worst subject right now. I'm the lowest of the entire batch, as one of the profs told me. Being called to the department is a very depressing thing, and even more so when you're told that you're the lowest. And then when the parents know, you get a lecture or a scolding which basically adds more salt to the wound. I'm actually near my limit. I'm at the point where I just want to give up medicine. It's just too damn difficult. You know that feeling when you try so hard and yet in the end the result turns out to be bad or even worse? That's what I'm feeling right now. Again. And it's getting old... I really want to be a doctor. I really really do. But I can't take this. I can't take feeling this feeling all the time. Even when I improve, it's the same thing all over again. My mom always tells me it's tiring to hear that I'm either failing or "pasang awa". Believe me, mom, it may look like I'm taking these things lightly by joking around about it, but deep down, the truth is I'm just as tired as you are, probably even way more than you can imagine."
I'm so close; so close to getting out of this schoolyear an into junior internship. Just 19 more schooldays, as some of my classmates are saying on Facebook. Will I make it out safe? Or will I become scarred for life?
So far for 2011...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
05:24 p.m.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and whatever occasion I missed. >.<
It's been a while since I updated my Pitas, and it's high time I change the layout. This layout is really getting old. I wanna make my own, but I'm too busy or too lazy to do it. Too busy because of school, too busy because I'm playing Grand Chase (again) or my PS3, and too lazy because I need to read up on how to make good layouts. Meh.
Anyway, I'll start with the bad news. I'm failing. Again. Yeah. I'm lowest in Neurology (HATE that subject). The last Psychiatry exam was bullcrap too. I was confident I passed it, only to find out I was a freakin' few points away from the MPL. The other subjects? Blah. I don't even want to know the exact grades. So I really need to study this time. I started reading Neurology yesterday even though I wanted so bad to play GC with Rain. I was able to finish reading by 10pm, and I asked for at least 10 minutes of his time before he sleeps so I could play with him. Heh. No, he couldn't even give me that little time. So my night ended stressfully. Later, I'm going to start reading for Surgery and Medicine (or whatever trans I have here). I'm trying to start as early as I could so that I won't be so full later on, and maybe it will be easier for me. I told Rainy that I won't be able to play with him for at least the next three weeks because I have to study. And "surprisingly", I didn't get a reply; not even so much of a "good luck". >.< Yes, what a nice stressful three weeks this will be.
Enough about the bad news. Let's get to the good news. I got Avril Lavigne's new song! It's entitled "What The Hell". She'll be releasing her new album on March. I can't wait for it. XD I also have a Twitter account now, and it's pretty cool that celebrities use it too. I've added Avril Lavigne, Hilary Duff, and Teppei Koike (it's kinda cool he has Twitter too. XD). Speaking of Teppei Koike, he's finished filming Team Medical Dragon 3. I can't wait to watch that season too. After all, this series inspires me even more to become a doctor. And while we're on the topic of Japanese, I haven't been able to study more Japanese either. It's getting kinda slow, but I'm still updating my Ameblo and I'm still active in mixi. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up with my Japanese.
I guess that's all for now. Sorry, no sweet/exciting B.K.A. moments. They were more on the disappointing side. A while ago, before the Clinical Pathology Practical Exam, he was looking for a clipboard in the men's room. I offered him the one in the girl's room since someone took the one in the men's, and he declined. Later on, we passed another set of restrooms and he checked the men's room for a clipboard and there was still none and he was all "Aw, walang clipboard!". I was like "I was offering you one but you didn't want to take it!". Stupid B.K.A. Lol. Well, it wasn't the first time he declined something I offered. It stings. But whatever. I have to live with it for now.
Birthday and other treats
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
05:51 p.m.
Just a few more days before Christmas!
Anyway, last December 16 I turned 23. OMG. I'm a year older! And well, me and my ICS group had a small Christmas "party" at school. We ate a lot of food. I got some gifts, like sweets from Robin and a slice of chocolate cake from Jorge (much to many of my clueless groupmates' excitement). All the pics are uploaded in Facebook. I gave some people some riceballs too. I'm glad they all liked them. XD
For dinner, I ate out with family in Kikufuji in Little Tokyo, Makati. Best Japanese restaurant ever! Again, pics of the food are in Facebook, but if you're not in my list, you can check my Japanese blog for some of the pictures. Some gifts I got were clothes especially from my half-sis. And I got a 1tb external hard drive from my mom and dad. Woooooh! Just a few days ago I got two lingeries from Rainy. >.< Him and his wild fantasies I guess. Wah. But they were cute lingeries. Lol.
Anyway, next event is Christmas which is very very close by. I gave some of my classmates some gifts too (because that's how special they are. :P). I gave Rainy a "Hair Man" or whatever. Lol. Some statue with grass in it that you need to grow so that it would look like hair. XD Oh, and just a while ago, I had my hair rebonded again! Yey for straight hair! Now I won't have a hard taming taming my naturally unruly and wavy hair. >.<
Not So Secret Anymore
Sunday, December 12, 2010
03:54 p.m.
Just last night, a classmate of mine YMed me about B.K.A. According to her, it seems he has an inkling of my secret, much to my dismay. But it was sort of implied. They were talking about my birthday yesterday, and apparently, B.K.A. blurted out that they should wrap him up and give himself to me as a birthday gift.
What.
Yeah, so it really does seem like he knows. But at least, if he really does know, I'm glad he took it that way. I mean, he isn't avoiding the fact. It still makes me really nervous though. >.< But then, what happens next? I'm still afraid to tell him personally. It's one thing to be rejected head on, and an even worse thing to be avoided and ignored. I definitely don't want any of those two, but I know it's inescapable. I will have to face either of those two results sooner or later. The chance of experiencing such is even higher because he shows no sign at all of being interested in me. Maybe he cares a bit, as my friend pointed out since when I was afraid get pricked for ClinPath, he pretty much showed a lot of concern for me to my surprise. I was glad he did. And that was probably the first time he actually showed some care on his own without anyone asking. Unfortunately, because of some classmates' constant teasing about me and Jorge, I think he thinks that Jorge likes me. It gives him some reason to back off in other words. Weh. I really want to tell B.K.A. that I like him, but I'm so afraid to, not to mention, really shy. I can't keep a good conversation with him at all. >.< It's kind of a torture, but I'm tolerating it as much as I can. I wonder though, when will I have the guts to tell him, and the endurance to take a final blow? Well, since him and some friends had a little discussion about my birthday, maybe on that day I'll get some answers. Just maybe.
don't cry anymore by miwa
Saturday, December 11, 2010
09:45 p.m.
LSS lyrics time!!
Girigiri datte hitorikiri datte
Maketakunai no joudan janai wa
I don't cry anymore
Don't cry anymore
Tsuyoku naranakya ii kikaseteru
Donna toki demo nakanai kara
Nukumori kanji nemuru to shiawase datta sore ga
Eien ni tsudzuku to omotteta nanoni
Doushite nan darou shinjiteita mono wa uso datta
Konna toki soba ni ite kuretarai ii noni
Furueru ashi de ima fumidashitai yo
Girigiri datte hitorikiri datte
Maketakunai no joudan janai wa
I don't cry anymore
Don't cry anymore
Tsuyoku naranakya ii kikaseteru
Donna toki demo nakanai kara
Doko wo sagashitemo watashi no ibasho ga mitsukaranai
Koe ga kikitai yo honto wa aitai kedo
Furikaerazuni aruite ikanakucha
Girigiri datte kagayaki takute
Watashi nara mada yareru hazu da wa
I don't cry anymore
Don't cry anymore
Namida koraete kao wo agetara
Daijoubu da yo tte tsubuyaite miru
Nani wo shinjitara ii no kamo
Wakaranakute mogaite mayotte
Tsukamitai ima kanaetai
Chiisana kono te ni takushite nigirishimeru no
Gomen sonnani tsuyoku nai nda
Kujikesou ni naru toki datte aru yo
Tatoe kasuka na kibou da to shitemo
Mochitsudzuketai zutto
Girigiri datte hitorikiri datte
Maketakunai no joudan janai wa
I don't cry anymore
Don't cry anymore
Tsuyoku naranakya ii kikaseteru
Muri yaridatte gamusharaninatte
Ikiteyuku nda owari janai wa
I don't cry anymore
Don't cry anymore
Anata no koe wo omoidashiteiru
Donna toki demo nakanai kara
Itsuka kitto waraeru kara
Oasis in the Desert
Friday, November 26, 2010
12:29 p.m.
I am in considerable pain. My head hurts, pounding and throbbing from time to time; and my stomach (epigastric area, medically speaking) hurts every time I walk. But I still had to go to class today. Had to interview a patient... DX
But I forgot all about the pain I was feeling for three seconds, when I suddenly saw B.K.A. as he walked toward me. My heart started beating faster (tachycardic, medically speaking), and when he passed me saying "Hi Carmen!" while slightly pinching on my arm, I swear I didn't know I was in pain for that moment. I guess, I am still crushing on that guy, and it's still going strong...
I'm still in pain... And how I wish those three seconds came back and lasted longer... T^T
mixi.jp
Thursday, November 25, 2010
07:51 p.m.
I have a mixi.jp account! And it's all tanks to one of my Japanese penpals. You know how hard it is for a foreigner to get one?! I'm practically part of a social network every Japanese learner wants to be in! HELL YEAH! *victory pose* What's mixi, you ask? Well, it's basically Ameblo and Facebook combined and it's of course more Japanese-y. XD And it's a lot more private than Facebook. Outsiders (non-members) can't access a person's profile there, unlike in Facebook, where you still have to set the privacy in the settings. But on mixi, there'll be less stalkers. XD Well, there are probably some Japanese members who like to stalk people there, but what Japanese person will want to stalk someone who doesn't even live in their country? So there. Ohhh, I can also talk about my crush there since it's more private. Lol. XD But if you want a glimpse of my profile, well, here are the screenshots of the profile page:
mixi1
mixi2
mixi3
So anyway, yeah, I guess that's all I wanna talk about. Lol. I'm actually in pain right now. My head hurts when I change position, and I didn't know I had fever until I checked my temperature a little while ago. Meh. This weekend will be a long weekend. And in two weeks, I'll have exams. I guess it's going to be another busy two weeks. >.<
Long time no see. Ohisashiburi.
Monday, November 15, 2010
08:53 p.m.
Been a long time since I've blogged. I've been updating my ameblo more. >.<
Anyway, just a quick description of events that have passed:
I passed the first semester of my third year, miraculously. Obstetrics wasn't very nice to me, but I managed to get a 3.0. Yey!
And then, for the sembreak we went to Amsterdam and then to Venice, where we cruised around the Mediterranean Sea for a week. We stopped by Bari, Italy; Katakolon, Greece; Santorini, Greece; Mykonos, Greece (but we didn't explore 'cause the weather was just bad); and Dubrovnik, Croatia. Well, the trip was fun. I think I gained weight again after that cruise. Buffet everyday is not diet-safe after all. DX Many of the pictures are on my Facebook, so if you're my friend, you're free to see them. If not, well, just check my ameblo. Some pics are there. :P
Hmm... What else... Oh yeah. I got some J-Drama from a Rain. The ones I got were Team Medical Dragon seasons 1 and 2, Shibatora, and Voice. The best among them was Team Medical Dragon. It's hell better than House. It has an interesting story and isn't episodic like House is. Also, the doctors are hot (according to a classmate. Lol.). Eh, I only asked for Team Medical Dragon because it was a medical drama with Teppei Koike in it. Yes, I love Teppei Koike. XD The drama has a third season which is just airing in Japan now, so there are no subtitles. I want to watch it so bad... If only I was already fluent in Japanese already. Wahhh...
And... I think that's all for now. Lantern Queen and CaarolFest is nearing. And the more people talk about it, the more I start imagining things like... Me being lantern queen candidate and B.K.A. as escort? @_@ *shakes head* Dreams will only be dreams. As usual, too, med school is piling us up with papers and readings. Luckily, there's no class tomorrow. Yey again!
Oh wait! How could I forget this!!!
PACQUIAO WON HIS 8TH WORLD TITLE.
Hell yes. He beat a man four inches taller and 17 pounds heavier. Holy hell. Mayweather is effing next.
Second Best
Monday, October 4, 2010
11:14 p.m.
This entry is somehow related to these few "scenes" from the manga, Lovely Complex. Read from right to left.
When I was still together with Rain, I went through that stage of insecurity. I knew who his ex-gf was. She was a pretty and cute model. She was even an actress before, in GMA. Even though they've already broken up, she was still somewhat of a threat; an obstacle. I kept comparing myself to her because Rain was my first boyfriend and I was merely his second. And I found it so strange. From a cute model about his height to a tall, tomboyish girl like me. It definitely made me think what Rain was thinking. Why did he like me? I was a klutz, I was such a boy and all that. Even though he assured me, I was still insecure. It took a while before I finally got over it...
Or so I thought.
We're not committed anymore, but when I found out he enjoyed high school more than college and after reading a forum post saying something about the four years with his first love in high school, I suddenly had that relapse. Strange. We're not together and yet, I suddenly felt so jealous. Maybe because he's never really said a thing about me publicly before. So then I saw how special she is to him. I didn't want to push the matter with him, yet I still wanted to. But if I did, I'd probably get another lecture from him. Still, what was my one year with him compared to four years with her? That girl is so lucky. She was there during the best times of his life. I was his second, and I was there during his second best.
I guess it's hard when the one you love is your first and when you're his second. Comparing is inescapable. He's my best, and I'm proud to talk about him being so special. But I guess it kinda stings when your best describes how special someone else is, instead of you. Wehh...
Hava Rava - WaT
Friday, September 17, 2010
01:29 p.m.
I discovered WaT while watching an Asian Music Channel. And I liked the song they played. However, this one I'm posting is a different song and it's a happy song that takes off the stress. XD WaT stands for Wentz and Teppei, by the way. Yeah. Eiji Wentz and Teppei Koike (the guy as Otani from Lovely Complex Movie).
Ate mo nai mama nakushita koi no
Kakera umi ni nage sutete
Yagate sugiyuku kisetsu no you ni
Omoide ni nareba ii no ni
Hajikeru nami shibuki to taiyou
Otoko futari makegumi doushi
Koibitotachi de afureru sunahama
Bokura bimyou ni uiteru ka mo
Oh yeah ochikonde bakari ja
Oh yeah
Ikenai yo tanoshimanakya natsu marukajiri
Ohisama itsumo arigatou
Suupaa kuria sora no shita
Bokura tanjun futari baka yatte
Kara genki demo tsuyogattetemo tanoshimou
Toki ga tatsu no mo wasurete
Bokura natsu no mannaka ukanderu
Kodomo mitai ni hi ga kureru made hashagitai
Aikotoba wa
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
Uchiyoseru nami ni kokoro kasane
Koi no omokage yomigaeru
Ano hi kanojo ga kureta hirate uchi
Ima ni natte itami komiageru
Oh yeah yappari bokura mada
Oh yeah
Kodoku wo tanoshimeru hodo otona ja nai shi
Korizu ni koi wo motometeru
Sora ga ochite kisou da yo
Bokura suna ni nekorobi miageteta
Kono mama zutto jikan wo tomete shimaitai
Itsuka mata bokura no ue
Koi no tenshi ga maioriru you ni
Manatsu no sora ni negai wo komete tsubuyaita
Jumon no you ni
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
Oh yeah yappari bokura mada
Oh yeah
Kodoku wo tanoshimeru hodo otona ja nai shi
Kanojo no omokage hikizutte
Ima demo yappa suki datte
Kokoro guruguru mawatteru
Tooku yuuhi ni somaru sora
Yuujou de sugosu natsu tasogarete
Nami no oto dake yasashiku bokura tsutsundeku
Toki ga tatsu no mo wasurete
Bokura natsu no mannaka ukanderu
Kodomo mitai ni hi ga kureru made hashagitai
Yagate sugiyuku natsu no sora
Nakushita koi no kakera wa izuko
Kokoro no oku de tsukaeteta mono afure dasu
Hontou ni taisetsu na mono
Yappa wasurerarenai koi mo aru
Sono koto ni ima kizuite bokura arukidasu
Aikotoba wa
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
And in English... :P
I throw the pieces of my lost, directionless love
Into the ocean
I hope it becomes a memory
Like the passing season
The sun and the splashing waves
Two guys, both losers
The beach is overflowing with lovers
I think we might stand out a bit
Oh yeah we can't just stay depressed
Oh yeah
We've got to enjoy this summer
Thanks for everything, Mr. Sun
Under the super clear sky
The two of us just fool around
Let's have fun, even if we're just pretending to be cheerful and strong
Forget time passing
We're floating in the middle of summer
I want to play like kids until the sun goes down
Our password is
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
I see my heart in the breaking waves
Reviving the traces of love
I can feel the pain again
From the slap she gave me that day
Oh yeah we're not grown-up enough yet
Oh yeah
To enjoy solitude
Never learning, we still long for love
The sky feels like it's gonna fall
We lie down on the sand and look up
I want to stop time like this forever
I made a wish to the summer sky
That someday an angel of love
Would appear above us again
Like a magic spell, I muttered
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
Oh yeah we're not grown-up enough yet
Oh yeah
To enjoy solitude
I'm dragging the memory of her along
I still love her even now
My heart's spinning around and around
The sky colors in the distance
With the twilight of a summer of friendship
The sound of the waves gently surrounds us
Forget time passing
We're floating in the middle of summer
I want to play like kids until the sun goes down
Eventually the summer sky passes
Where are the lost pieces of my love?
My heart was blocked, but now overflows
With what's really important
There are just some loves you can't forget
Now that we've realized that, we begin to walk
Our password is
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava (hava rava)
Hava rava
Another B.K.A. Entry. Prepare Yourself.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
05:43 a.m.
Today's entry is all about how the last three hours of school yesterday was a total nosebleed for me. Why? Because I just realized how er... physically attractive B.K.A. is. Seriously, if yesterday was an anime, I think blood would have been spraying from my nose all over the classroom. DX Well, it was the first time I saw him in semi-formal wear; black slacks, white polo, red necktie, and he wore a cute black vest. It made him look like a waiter (lol) but still, a cute one at that. He wore his glasses the whole time, adding more heartbeats to my already 100+bpm. I realized too, that the school uniform hides his real body morphology. I didn't think he was that lean; not too thin, not fat, just right. Oh, you know the word I'm thinking already. I just don't want to say it. DX I wanted to tell him he looked good, at least, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I was too uh... tachycardic to really say anything. Weh. I am such a girl. T^T
~~~~~~~~~~Just an update
Friday, September 3, 2010
09:54 p.m.
Rainy and I er... made up, if that's the right term. DX It's been a while since I updated. I moved my Japanese blog (the blogspot one) to ameblo.jp. You can visit it here: 医学生の退屈なブログ
The title's changed to "A Medical Student's Boring Blog". I like ameblo much better than blogspot because of the hits I get and the comments. The Japanese are really eager to correct my Japanese. XD And also, the site itself is just too cute. ^^
Anyway, I also became busy with exams. Today was the last two. Surgery was hell, as usual. It went something like this:
Question 1: "What is blah blah blah...?"
Me (thinking): "Where the hell in the book did this question come from?!"
*goes to next question*
Question 2: "What is nyah nyah nyah...?"
Me (thinking): "Oh I know the answer to this!" *happy*
*scans the choices A, B, C, D, and E...*
Me: "... *RAGE* WHERE'S THE @%&#( ANSWER GODDAMMIT?!?!!"
Yeah, in other words, studying was useless. -_- Anyway, it's amazing what exam week can do. It takes my mind of things I normally think of (i.e. B.K.A. daydreams). The moment I stepped out of the classroom and heard his voice, I became tachycardic like I always was when he was nearby. Yeah, I became a girl again. Stupid infatuation. Just 'cause he had a haircut, and it makes him look cuter. @_@ Gahh! What the hell am I saying?!
Alright that's it. This entry ends here. Right now.
Airplanes
Saturday, August 14, 2010
09:34 p.m.
Because I could really use a wish right now...
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, Wish right now
Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
'Cause after all the partyin'
The smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time when you fade to the blackness
And when you're starin' at that phone in yo' lap
And hopin', but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand
Soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplanes airplanes
Sorry I'm late
I'm on my way
So don't close that gate
If I don't make that
Then I switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it
By the end of the night
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Yeah
Yeah
Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job
Before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah back when I was tryin' to get a tip at Subway
And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
But now days we rappin' to stay relevant
I'm guessin' that if we can make some wishes out of airplanes
Then maybe oh maybe I'll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tapes
And back before I tried to cover up my slate
But this is for Decatur
What's up Bobby Ray?
So can I get a wish to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand
And then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Rain Clouds
Saturday, August 14, 2010
03:09 p.m.
I miss Rain. I miss him a lot. I miss that creativity he had, though it was so simple, it made me smile.
~~~~~~~~~~At the End of the Rainbow
Friday, August 13, 2010
09:36 p.m.
I am annoyed. Very annoyed.
Lately, I've been getting disappointed. As a co-moderator from PKMN-ph forum told me, he was losing inspiration. And I think the same is happening to me. Only difference between me and him though, he's in a relationship while I am not. And yet, here I am, pissed and irritated at my ex-significant other. Let's just refer to him as "my friend Rain" from now on. My friend Rain isn't giving me that inspiration like he used to. To top it off, he told me months ago he wanted to take Mango, and now he's telling me he isn't confident to take care of the bird, yada yada. So I go pouring my heart out on how I trust he would take care of the bird real well like he did Pepsi. For crying out loud, he does a better job than I do. And after my effort of explaining things, he replies with something like, "Tulog na ako, night." What. The. Hell. Seriously, I thought this guy was better than this. At least I think he WAS better than this. It feels like he threw everything back at my face; as if all the stuff I said were just crap and unimportant. This is NOT the same Rain I know. Sure, he'd sleep on me a lot, but not after I pour my freaking heart out.
This is a disappointment. This is just... unreal. I used to be happy every time I talked with him, whether through text or YM, whether he was my boyfriend or simply my friend. But gradually, the inspiration is fading. I try to stimulate him, but lately, his replies are always the same now: dead and boring. I hate to admit it but, it's already as if I'm more inspired when I'm with Robin or B.K.A. College life was a box of colored pencils and Rain made me a rainbow out of them. But I guess I'm already at the end of the rainbow. And I never thought that it would be dull and gray on this side.
I just hope that things will improve. I just want a good home for Mango, and Rain is the best person. He wanted the bird too, so it's his. This Rain is not the same Rain. And if giving him Mango can bring me back the Rain I know and love, then he must take it.
Blue Birdy Secrets
Thursday, August 12, 2010
12:11 p.m.
Okay. You all know Ana, Ria, Robin, and Bau know that I am smitten for B.K.A.. Well, guess what. Four more people figured it out. It all happened one Friday night during our immersion in the medical ward. It was okay, not so boring. We watched Tekken (Lol piracy). The movie was... not so bad. Hardcore Tekken fans would hate it though. Anyway, so as the night went along, I was interrogated by Vincent and Kxi. They asked a lot about my lovelife: my type, what I don't like in a guy, past boyfriend, details on how me and my boyfriend came to be, why we separated, etc. All the while teasing Jorge about it. Well, they trying to make us a loveteam thanks to a small joke Jorge made one time while we were meeting on a Y!M conference. During the interrogation, I knew the million dollar question was coming, and it did: Sino sa 2012 section A? Ah crap them all. I told them it was a secret, but they figured it out. Who couldn't? There's only a handful of guys I'm rather close to. Like six choices. And since they knew my type, they picked him out. >.< I didn't even have to say his name. Well, at least so far they've been hiding it by using Jorge. Now he teases me too about him. Meh...
Of course, the one most amused and thrilled about it all was dear, dear Robin. Seriously, one day I will kick him where it hurts. >w<
Yes, Robin. Also known as Blue Birdy #1, the greenminded Blue Birdy, and I think labeling him too as "flirtatious bastard" would be suitable. XD He deserves a special entry in my blog, and now he's getting it.
The first time I met him was during an orientation when we were first year med students. My first impression? Some fat and wild dude. Yeah, that was it. I got to know him a lot more since his last name starts with an "A", so we were always groupmates when we were first year. He's a wacky one, and very extroverted. He was always with B.K.A. I swear, those two stuck together like glue. Wherever you find Robin, he was there. It was the same the other way around. Anyway, me and Robin's friendship didn't develop that much during first year. Sure he made me laugh lots, and I like people like that. But the only things we ever talked about were anime and video games. To him, I was probably some weird tomboy (which I guess I am, LOL). Then came the second year of med school, I was suddenly at the borderline when it comes to groupings. Since a lot of students were either kicked out or took LOA, I was moved up to group one for ICS. However, in some subjects, I was still in the same group I used to be. Sometime in the middle of the schoolyear, my crush for B.K.A. came back after he started wearing glasses. You all know how I think he's adorable in them. Gah... And well, I kept the feeling inside for a long while. But I reached that point when I just had to tell someone about it. And surprisingly, Robin was the first to come to mind. And this is considering his closeness with him. Despite the "dangers", Robin was first to come into my mind. I considered Ria too, but she's a girl, and well, girls like to talk. So anyway, I ended up telling Robin through text. He enjoyed the conversation, saying it's the first time I've ever talked about something else aside from games and anime. Lol. To my relief, he promised to keep it a secret, which he still is doing until now. It was at that point I got kinda attached to the guy. Metaphorically and literally. XP I assure you though, I'm not attached to him out of fear he'll spill. Nah. I just feel like I can open up more this time when he's there. It's like he's a place where I can deposit the lemons and he'd make lemonade out of them. Let's not forget that this guy can make me say the embarrassing. Well, for example, there are some things I wouldn't normally say to him out of the blue until he digs them out. One time he dug out the fact that I thought he was charming, which is true. He is, in his own way. I think he was flattered too, when I said he was an exception along with B.K.A. from my criteria of turn offs in a guy, one of which was smoking. And Robin smokes like there's no tomorrow. O_o I hate smokers. Some smokers are inconsiderate bastards. I'm glad Robin puts me in a position away from the smoke though. And since he was just charming enough, I guess that made up for his vice. As for B.K.A., well, if Robin smokes for 20 days, he smokes only once. Yeah, that's the difference. He RARELY smokes. I've only seen him with cigarettes twice. And as for Robin, I see him everyday. O_o So yeah. Congratulations to the two of them for breaking through my criteria. Lol.
Some people might think I actually have a thing for Robin. Well, not really. See, I project to him. All the things I want to do with B.K.A. I do with Robin. The teasing, the poking, the slight flirting (LOL yeah I won't deny I flirt. O_o), giving him riceballs... They're things I want to do to him but I can't find myself to. I'm glad though that Robin isn't too bothered with all this. Lol. Then again, there's a chance he's enjoying, since he's a "flirtatious bastard". Lol. Speaking of which, every time he slings his arm around me, it always feels warm. Now it's either because he's a big blob of insulation material (adipocytes, LOL) or it's me getting that warm, fuzzy feeling as a result of too much projection. I may never know the answer.
If Robin happens to stumble upon this blog out of my own bad luck, I will personally murder him using my dad's golden scalpel.
Deprivation
Thursday, August 5, 2010
06:45 p.m.
I haven't seen or properly spoken to Rain for quite a while now. He doesn't answer my messages and doesn't text me to ask how I am. I already miss him a lot... Carl came over the other day, and that really took the stress away even if just for an hour. Rain hasn't yet... I really miss him...
~~~~~~~~~~
Deep In Thought
Saturday, July 24, 2010
08:09 p.m.
We went to mass a while ago at 5:30pm, and sorry, I couldn't listen to the sermon. Many things were in my mind. It started with the purchase of Raikou, my fave puppy. I was too attached to her so it really hurts just thinking about her gone... Next, I suddenly remembered yesterday right after exams, I was invited to go with my classmates out to Greenhills. They asked if I wanted to go, and Robin suddenly blurted out "Syempre gusto niya!". Next thing, Vincent says something along the lines of "Ay oo nga pala! Nandun kasi si B-!". I couldn't get the rest. But that alarmed me. I'll have to ask Robin about it later.
And then the last the that came to mind and I thought of for so long, was B.K.A himself. I thought real hard about it, and I realized how tired I've become of running around in circles. This crush started as something harmless and it still is, but I'm craving for his attention even more now. If I told him what I felt, it would definitely be a load off my shoulders. But telling him would yield one of two results: rejection or acceptance. I'm prepared to be rejected, so if the feeling isn't mutual, it's fine just as long as he won't avoid me because if how I feel. I'd like us to be friends anyway. On the other hand, if the feeling is mutual, it would make my heart happy, but in that scenario, there are things I'm going to have to give up. And I'm sure Rain won't exactly be thrilled about it. Fortunately or unfortunately, there's a high chance the feeling isn't mutual. However, at least this way, I get to try the "collect and select" method my mom told me to do.
Do I love him? Love is such a strong word. That question will remain unanswered for now.
A Love... Worth a Thousand
Saturday, July 24, 2010
04:27 p.m.
I finally finished my exams. Hard. Hard as hell. Now I know how third year med is going to be. Yippie...
Raikou's been bought. She's one of the puppies we had and Raikou was my favorite. But now someone bought her. And in return, my mom gave me P1,000 out of the P12,000 she was worth. My favorite puppy... reduced to a P1,000 bill.
I miss her now. My mom said I should attach myself to Poochy instead, the little brownie. Easy for her to say. Right after my puppy gets picked out in front of me. I couldn't watch her leave anymore.
I miss Raikou now.
Fishing for Piranhas
Sunday, June 20, 2010
11:46 a.m.
So I went a little "fishing" yesterday. I spent the rest of the evening texting Robin. Just wanted to see what his type was. Apparently, he prefers petite chinitas. >.< Figured since he didn't think Ria was cute, despite the fact that most guys find her attractive. I didn't fit in either. I'm tall. Me and Ria are. >.< Well, he told me B.K.A.'s type, which didn't really make it any better. He likes white chinitas. Typical. Almost any guy likes white chinitas. So much for that. I don't fit in his criteria either. >.< Poor me. But I knew it from the start. I mean, in first year, he had his eyes on a white chinita. And me? I was just another classmate of his. Sad. T^T
Well, I guess now, I have all the more reason to shrug off any attempts by some people to set me up. It can only be wishful thinking after all. Perhaps, it will help to lessen the crushing. I might just become a "toy" if it keeps up.
UERM Secret
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
09:28 p.m.
So my secret is out to three people now. First was blue birdy #1, aka Robin; second was Ria; and now it's the sharpest of the bunch, Ana. Well, she already had her suspicions long before. She even asked Robin and Ria if I liked him. Fortunately, the two kept quiet and pushed her off her tracks. But since I vowed I'd tell her if I passed to third year, I told her just a while ago in the taxi on the way back to Mezza from Gretz's place. Robin is totally excited now. >.<
Now... I wonder... Just how will this schoolyear turn up?
A Little Update on Events
Friday, June 11, 2010
08:06 p.m.
Whew. So we completed the intervention part for our thesis. We went to Manila Youth Reception Center (aka Prison for Minors). We had to give some teenage kids lectures about Anger Management. These kids have cases including murder and rape. O_o Pretty freaky for a 15 year old to do, really. Well, these kids got sent to closed confine (as the CSF called it) or basically solitary confinement because two of our pencils went missing. And these kids are known to steal pencils and pens so they could tattoo themselves. None of them admitted to sneaking the pencils to the other dorms (aka prison cells) so yeah. Solitary confinement for all them. 27 of them cramped up in a small cell. O_o In the meantime, Robin kept nudging me about B.K.A. in the most discrete way possible. Gad. I swear, one day he just might slip... Teasing me about him while other people are around us. I seriously want to slap him. T_T
Anyway, this week I cooked Katsudon successfully. Well, ALMOST, because the pork I fried was hard. Either I didn't cook the pork right or the pork itself is weh. Despite that though, the Katsudon was surprisingly delicious. I guess buying the expensive Japanese cooking wine and Dashi paid off. My Katsudon tasted like Don Don Restaurant's (in EGI Tower beside DLSU) Katsudon! Rainy especially loved it. It was he who requested it anyway. Lol. I told him I'd give him bento when I see him, and he kept going on about Katsudon. I thought it was hard to make so I refused. But actually, it's a lot easier than I thought. It just takes a while though. I'm glad he enjoyed my cooking. XD I have to cook some when I get home in Alabang though. My mom wants to try it. XD
Anyway, yeah, I'm gonna go swimming downstairs now.
School, Justice, Food
Sunday, June 6, 2010
11:30 p.m.
I'm in Mezza right now. This time it will be three of us living together near UERM: me, Ivan, and his brother, Pocholo. Pocholo's the new one and his school starts tomorrow actually. He's taking HRM. Me and Ivan's school starts next week. I'm only here because I have to meet with my thesis groupmates for the whole week. T^T
Anyway, I hope this schoolyear will be a better one and just a wee bit easier than last schoolyear. Haay... And everytime my parents are reminded about my "glorious" grades, they keep rubbing it on me saying "you use the internet too much." There's no arguing with that. Who DOESN'T use the internet "too much" among my classmates anyway? They all freakin' use the internet even WAY more than I do. And like this sign I saw in my mom's room which best describes what I feel: "No one notices anything I do until I don't do it." -_- That describes my sitch with my parents when it comes to studies extremely well. Of course, defending myself doesn't do any good either if it's against my parents. I have a knack of answering back but it's always for the good reasons, like if I feel I've been treated unfairly, although most of the time, even if I "fight for justice", I'd still lose. >.< Well, at least I tried.
Meh. Anyway, I guess I'll sleep now. Me and Pocholo made our lunch for tomorrow a while ago: onigiri and chijimi (bulchimgae). Yummy.
Goodbye Keystone, Hello Mezza
Thursday, June 3, 2010
12:02 a.m.
I'm moving in to Mezza tomorrow. I have to meet with my thesis groupmates. Weh.
~~~~~~~~~~A Student's Boring Blog
Sunday, May 23, 2010
10:39 a.m.
New blog has been created. Only thing is, it will be written in full Japanese. Just to help me learn the language a little more quickly. XD
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When I start learning Korean, I'll probably do the same too. Lol.
学生の退屈なブログ．．．
Expect a lot of wrong grammar until I improve. >.<
Love and Bird
Friday, May 21, 2010
10:43 a.m.
I have three "almost ready" lovebirds to sell now. I'll be advertising them next month after school starts. I have to make sure each and every one of them are very human friendly. Well, compared to the others I sold, these three are much friendlier actually.
Anyway, last month, Rain lost the lovie I gave him, Pepsi. And he took it really hard. I'll gladly save one of these three birds for him. He'll just have to pick one. The eldest one is a creamino, named Mango. The second one is olive green with a white face and a blue butt (I don't know the exact mutation) and I named it Apple. And the youngest one, which is a Lutino is named Peaches. All three of them are so cute and adorable. I gave them obedience training and I think I'm starting to get attached to them. T^T Well, I guess I'm going to start feeling that pain again when I sell them. Waahh... The curse of being a breeder. Though actually I'm more at ease if I know my birds will be in good hands. One of these will be going to Rain. I hope the other two will also be well taken care of.
Trips and In All Seriousness
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
01:11 p.m.
Hello! It's been a while since I posted. Well, I'm back in Manila. I arrived last May 10. As for my experiences in America? Facebook can provide all the information. Lol. Yeah, I'm too lazy to write about everything I did. But if I could sum it up, we went to Lake Tahoe (played in the snow for the first time in 17 years) and we also went on a cruise around the Caribbean again. Yeah, I gained a little weight. >.< That's pretty much it. I bought new video games: Pokemon SoulSilver and Final Fantasy XIII (cool game!). In my free time I studied Japanese (through my DS and iPhone, and yeah I have penpals now. Lol). I still need a lot of improvement though.
Anyway, I'd like to make a rant about something now. About people who take things WAY too seriously. I mean, seriously, I've met many people who can't take a joke, or at least people who can't tell the difference between a joke and a serious statement. Of course, if it was an offensive joke, I'll readily apologize for it, but no need to get all pissy. I apologized already, right? I noticed most people who are like this are who I consider "old" people. It doesn't mean they're 30 or something. It simply means that there's already a gap. What's funny to a younger group of people isn't funny to the older ones. I already know people like this, and it's getting kinda sad. They used to be fun and all, and then now they get too sensitive and offended so easily that you have to be extra careful about what you're joking about. Meh. I'll probably reach that age too though; some people will think I'm not um... "jokeable" anymore. Though it's highly unlikely, because I laugh at everything anyway. Lol. I'm always the butt of many jokes, it's been like that even in med school, thanks to Bjorn and Robin. Those two just love to make fun of me. >.<
Anyway, I think I'm done for now. It's time for me to eat lunch.
Faded Love
Friday, April 23, 2010
06:33 p.m.
Love...
A cheesy topic, but this is what I've been thinking about with Rainkun. Ever since we got separated, I've been holding back from expressing my feelings to him, and I guess it's taking its toll on him... I don't know if it means he's losing interest. But then, I don't blame him. I'm the one who put up the wall. It's hard to do; doing what I'm doing to him. It's hard to hold back. There were so many times... countless times I've wanted to tell him how much I really love him. But I've held back. And the result is, he seems unsure. I don't know who's hurting more, me or him. I always think about him everyday. I keep missing him. My feelings haven't changed one bit. I still love Rainkun, so much. Even though I'm crushing on someone else, it's just a crush. The only person in my heart right now, is still Rainkun... My honey flavored chocolate. But even though I tell him that if I didn't love him, I'll be sure to let him know, he is still unsure. I understand though. I really can't blame him. Maybe I should make another piece of literature. Just for him. It's gotten difficult again for me to say the three big words. So I guess and I hope literature would be able to help me assure him...
What Time Is It? Summer Time
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
02:43 p.m.
Whew. Long time since I've updated. I admit, I've gotten lazy. Blame it on my cousins who came over and the spark of vacation.
My cousins are here right now, lounging around playing all the video games they can play. We went to Splash Island a few days ago to kill the heat. Agen was scared of all the slides. >.< His brothers slid on every slide when they were his age. Now they have a "duwag" little brother. -_-
Recently I downloaded MSN and Skype. I also started playing Ragnarok Online again in an international server, NyuubiRO. It's kinda fun. After seeing a few Japanese things/people/whatever, I also decided to continue where I left off in self studying the language. I even went as far as looking for some Japanese penpals over Skype. Lol. Well, I need a native to practice with, or I won't learn that quickly. So far, I'm almost getting the hang of the grammar. The particles are a pain though. >.< Also, I need to expand my vocabulary. I can already read a few kanji, which I guess is a good thing. Not many have the patience to learn them. Meh.
We'll be leaving for the States later. So yeah, goodbye Philippine heat and hello American cold. We'll be going on a cruise too. Yey! Well, I'll be sure to update about the stuff that happens. Till then.
Glory and Sacrifice
Friday, April 2, 2010
11:46 p.m.
Just a few days ago I received a text message from the class president... According to him and his sources, NO ONE FAILED IN PARASITOLOGY, PATHOLOGY, MEDICINE, SURGERY, AND PEDIATRICS. OMFGWTFBBQ was my reaction. I passed SURGERY?!?!?!?! I can't believe it. I want to see my grade with my own eyes. It's a miracle. I swear. I hoped and prayed for a miracle and it came. I really need to thank God if this is really true. Once I get my grades and see it for myself, I am going to praise the Lord to the highest point in Heaven! Oh, and about Pharmacology, well, the profs didn't say anything yet, so there might still be a chance something might happen to me there. But still, Surgery was an effing miracle. O_o
Well, that's all for the glory. Next comes the depressing part. Rain texted me just last night about his lovebird, Pepsi. Well, she was eaten by a cat... When he told me this, I could not believe it. I even had to ask him if he was joking. I really couldn't believe it. Pepsi was one of the lovebirds I first handfed aside from her brother of their clutch, Max. It was very sad news. I pretty much cried in the car on the way home. I imagined how scared Pepsi must have been when the cage was attacked by the cat. Rain thought the same too, but what I felt was nothing compared to what he felt. He was so attached to the bird; so much you'd think he saw Pepsi as a human being. To him, Pepsi was a dear friend. Not many people will understand, but I guess I do. Just with the way he used to talk to me about her, I could see that he really loved that bird very very much. I may breed lovebirds and sell them, but it always hurts even if just a bit to see them leave the house with another person. It's something every loving breeder would have to go through if they sell what they breed. The minute I got home, I went straight to Pepsi's brother, Max and held him in my hand. I even took a shower and brought him with me (he loves taking a bath). Max is the only closest connection I have with Pepsi after all. If there exists a bird heaven out there, I hope Pepsi is there and happy. And I'm sure she enjoyed her stay with Rain.
The Brink of Fallen Dreams
Friday, March 26, 2010
10:46 a.m.
Today I woke up with my mom shouting my name from over my room. Annoyed, I got up and went over there. It was around 8:00am. When I got in, I was pretty much asked a few questions, all about how the heck I got a 40/100 in my final exam in Surgery. Yeah, I stopped by school yesterday to find out when the grades were coming out and I found the fina exam grade in Surgery posted in the bulletin board. I was the lowest. I stared at my grade for so long because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 40/100. That's what I get for messing up my sleep cycle for two weeks. I felt so messed up seeing that I just wanted to laugh as I spiraled my way down to hell. I'm sure I'm going to fail Surgery, and only a miracle can really save me. I don't care if I fail Surgery as long as Im still in the school. The problem is, what if that happens with my other subjects too? I studied hard and then I get a crappy grade much lower than I thought. This is what I am so afraid of right now. Then came the question my mom asked me:
Can you handle Medicine?
I told them I could, but still it is a big question. It's easy for me to say "yes" but what if in reality I can't? I thought about it before answering though. And I strongly believe I can handle it. Maybe I just tripped and fell this time. Hopefully, that's all it was. But even if it was just me tripping and faling, it still really hurts. Being reminded of that grade hurts a lot... I'm glad my parents didn't scold me or anything. Just knowing my grade is bad enough already. I'm already down in the dumps. I don't want to go any deeper than that.
Fortunately for me, I have Robin to talk to. I always told him I hate him (since he LOVES to rub me liking B.K.A. on my face...). But him being the really optimistic type is one of the things I really like about him. When I'm down, he's the best person for me to go to, especially if it's UERM-related. I feel more encouraged and I've always felt better after talking to him about whatever I'm sad about. And in the end, he never fails to make me smile afterwards. He believes I will make it, just as my dad believes it too. Hopefully, this kind of faith will somehow and someway put a miracle into works. I'll be needing it.
Heaven and Hell
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
02:20 a.m.
It's been a while since I updated. Well, I had to study for two weeks of exams. It was hell really. I don't know if I passed and made it to third year or not, but there is an extremely high chance I'm failing Surgery. Meh. Ironically, I want to be a surgeon, and yet I'm failing Surgery real bad. >.< Despite this though, I still hope I'm still in UERM. I mean, if I have to repeat a year, so be it, but I don't ever want to get kicked out of the school. That's the one thing I'm trying to avoid right now. Those whole two weeks, all I ever told myself was to pass, pass, pass. The people around me were rooting for me too: Rain, Robin, my dad, and even some profs... I couldn't let them down. I tried t best I could during the exams, and I just hope miraculously my hard work paid off. It was a stressful two weeks. But at the end of it all came a big reward: summer vacation.
Yes. Summer vacation. And to start it off, I joined my classmates on an overnight beach trip in Potipot Island, Zambales. It was hell a lot of fun. It made me forget about the stress from school. After all, it was the beach, and the beach means the ocean. The ocean means freedom. God knows I love freedom and thus the ocean. We stayed in a small resort called "Beachhouse ni Dok" (I don't know if the person in-charge of taking us there picked the place because of the name or what...). I stayed in a cramped room of six people (including me). Me and Ewi slept on the bed, while the rest positioned their mattresses on the floor in the most creative way imaginable. I didn't think they would all fit on the floor. It was rather amazing... Anyway, the meeting time was 5am in UERM. I got there on time but we left at 7am. >.< And on the way to Zambales, my classmates were singing karaoke. Yes, there was karaoke in the bus. And they sang throughout the ENTIRE trip. O_o Woah. I didn't really want to join the singing at first. I'm too shy to sing in front of people, but after a while I guess I started to loosen up. And I only sang anyway when many of them were already sleeping. :P Unfortunatey though, the two people I didn't want to hear me sing heard me. Who were those two people? The blue birdies, of course. The songs I sang were Ironic by ALanis Morisette and Mamma Mia by ABBA. When we got to the beach house, Robin nudged me and teased me about singing. Stupid Robin. T_T
We arrived at around 12nn. We ate lunch as soon as we got there. Afterwards, it was beach time. We took a boat to get from the beach house to Potipot Island, and there, we swam almost the entire half of the day. It was really hot, so it felt so good to be in the water, not to mention it felt so good to see him in only his swimming shorts... O_o Gaaaah! I can't help it! He was just so cute! Stupid girly feelings! T_T And of course, Robin wouldn't let me hear the end of it. He knows everything so well that even if I ripped his eyes off his sockets he would still see the embarrassment on my face. Meh. But enough of B.K.A. The water was fun, we played a lot on the sand as well. A group of my classmates made a big sand turtle while me and another made Robin sand boobs. O_o They looked weird on him. Seriously. At around 5:30pm, we rode one of those "flying fish" boats where the inflatable boat thingy is attached to a jet ski and they run around the water trying to make you fall off. Yeah. It was HELL a lot of fun. The funny thing is, when we first saw it, we wanted to try it, but we thought we had to pay. Till suddenly the guy says "Gusto nyo sumakay? Libre lang sya." My ears heard it and I was like, "What? Libre? Free?", and realization hit me and I was then like "OMG libre daw libre daw!" and I started running to them. My classamates also heard and started running too. Lol. We actually looked like a mob running to them. Wahaha! It was really a lot of fun. After the flying fish thing, we went back to the beach house.
When I arrived at the beach house, I was really tired. I took a shower and ate dinner. I went back to the room to rest and sleep for a bit before joining the others on their booze party, except that I don't drink. :P I woke up at around 10pm and joined them. Apparently, there was a videoke box and they were all singing again. It was like round two of the bus singing. O_o I watched them sing their hearts out in amusement. It took a while before I sang too. But when I input the number of the song I was going to sing, I had to wait some time since a lot of songs were in line. A lot wanted to sing after all. >.< So I decided to kill time by poking Robin while he was increasing his risk of developing liver cirrhosis (aka drowning himself in booze). I don't know if it was actually a wrong move because Robin offered me a beer. I said "no". And he was like, "Just a sip." I said "no." And suddenly a couple of my classmates who were with him passed me a shotglass of vodka and said something along the lines of "YOU WEEL DRINK ZIS NAO!!!" And I said "NU!". Unfortunately, I think the heavens played with me that night. At that moment B.K.A. was walking back to the table where we were sitting and Robin went and opened his big mouth saying "Make her drink!!!" To my horror (if that is the right word), B.K.A. told me "Sige na, inom ka na." At this time I was saying "NO" much more strongly. And then he looked at me with those big brown eyes as if begging me and told me "Sige na. Para lang sa akin." And at this time I could barely even look at him and I was saying the word "no" repeatedly till he went back to his seat and started talking to the other people. I calmed down and my other two classmates who offered me the vodka told me to just drink it even if I don't finish it. Just a sip. I sighed in defeat, took the shotglass, and awaited the horrible taste of alcohol to attack my tastebuds. Damn. It was either strong or I just really hated alcohol. They gave me a glass of sprite to drink to remove the nasty after taste and said "thank you". Meh. At least I made them happy and they didn't make me drink again. Robin on the other hand, rubbed it in my face... Para lang sa akin. @_@ Arrrghhh!!! I wanted to murder him right then and there for that! Stupid Robin! I waited till my song for the karaoke came up. It finally came after a bunch of songs. The song I sang was Close To You by The Carpenters and thank the heavens Robin barely noticed me singing that song. I swear if he was paying attention, he would have noticed the discomfort I had while I was singing. Why? Because a few seconds through the song, B.K.A just blocked my view of the TV screen with the lyrics and started walking towards me and teasing about me singing. Words cannot describe how utterly embarassed I was, and he grabbed my cap and wore it. Carlo started singing with me too, which relieved the tension a bit, but suddenly he stuck his face between us and started singing too. >.< Meh. For the first time, I realized that Close To You was a longer song than I thought it was. T_T And if Robin only knew just how that night made me even dream about him.
I slept at around 12:45am. I was tired. The next day, we ate breakfast and I spent a little time at the beach by the beach house. I sat down and listened to the sound of the waves crashing. Some people were taking pictures, some went for a dip and some sunbathed. We all waited till it was nearly time to go. We showered and changed then got on the bus. Everyone was quiet throughout the trip. I guess they were all content. It was a great beach trip. I had so much fun with them, I would still like to join them in more trips and parties. And this makes me hope all the more that I would still be with them next schoolyear. I'm really scared, but all I can really do now is hope and pray that I make it. I believe that only a miracle can help me to continue my experiences with my friends from UERM. It may not have been the school I chose to be in, but my classmates were much more welcoming and much more friendly compared to when I was in high school. UERM may be a structurally rundown medical school, but I guess I can say its okay. I'm already starting to have some great experiences. I do indeed hope to have more.
Birthday Bento for a Blue Birdy
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
04:50 p.m.
Today's B.K.A.'s birthday.
I woke up at about 5:30am and started cooking Japanese rice, tamago omelette, and octopus-shaped hotdogs. Meh. So I made him a bento box. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of it. Though, there's a high chance he'll photograph it and post it in his Facebook or somewhere. Weh. I'll provide the link when he does. I never knew making a bento was tiring. It's the first time I've made one. Well, I consider it a FAIL bento, but he seemed to like it anyway and so did my other classmates who really thought it was cute. Lol. I don't know. But Robin's birthday is coming up ad he'll be getting the same thing, except his will be a red bento box instead of black and the hankie will be purple instead of blue. XD Oh, and also it will probably be better looking since I know now my mistakes and stuff. I could improve. XD
Anyway, for lunch B.K.A. invited me and our ICS groupmates plus some others to Shakey's where he fed us pizza and chicken and mojos. The food was really yummy. Unfortunately, it was Ash Wednesday today. I ate meat, but in exchange for that I'm going to study tonight. Maybe a topic or two for Patho and one for Pharma. Meh. Well, I had fun. XD Robin was also quite amused with everything today. He kept patting my on the shoulder saying he was "proud" of me today. I was like, "what the heck?!". Lol. Well, he knows exactly how I feel anyway. I was so nervous when I gave B.K.A. the bento box. Of course I had to hide that nervousness by acting casual, but yeah, Robin could see through me like I was made out of glass. >.< I'm sure it will be a whole lot easier giving Robin his bento box. Weh. Damn infatuation! x_x
But what the heck. I'm glad he liked it, even saying the food was cute. XD Before I end this entry, I also have to mention it wasn't only him who had a birthday today. A lot of my classmates' birthday was today. So yeah, some people had to choose which lunch to attend to. Lol. XD Funneh, but yeah. ^_^
My Life is a Shoujo Anime... Revived?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
11:11 p.m.
Meh. Well, my life now can't be really described as a Shoujo anime like it used to be. But I've decided to spill some mixed colored paint over my med school life. Robin and B.K.A. both brighten my typical day in med school. Robin's become a closer friend now, and has also officially become my Globe text mate. XD B.K.A. is... Well, you already know what he is. He pumps more blood to my arteries. >.< Anyway, after Robin set me up again with him to ride on a pedicab on the way home (Sitting beside him in cramped space made me giddy and nervous at the same time. O_o), I've decided that if I fail my second year, I would tell him that I've been crushing on him since first year. But, if I pass second year, I'll tell either Ria or Ana about this crush of mine so that my third year med life will be a little more interesting. I told Robin this, and his reply?
"I guess you'll be telling Ria and Ana then!"
It made me smile. I like his optimism. He's actually charming in a way. Ever since I had that texting spree with him after talking to him about my crush, I've been wanting to hang around with him more. I really enjoy his company. XD
That aside, there also rises a problem. Rainykun is planning to take Medicine in UERM too. Are we going to "rekindle the fire"? In all honesty, I leave that to him. We may be in a mutual understanding right now, but I have to admit, for each day that passes, I start liking B.K.A. more and more. I'm just keeping a good distance away from him because I know that it's one-sided. Now if there comes a time when suddenly the feeling becomes mutual, it's going to be a tough decision. It's crossed my mind, but I didn't want to think too much of it. I told myself, if that time comes, I'll decide by then. I guess, it would pretty much be like "may the best man win". I can still call what I have for B.K.A. a crush/infatuation and what I have for Rainykun something stronger. I guess that still puts me on the safer side. But whatever happens, happens.
Running...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
03:20 p.m.
I just skipped out on the Pharmacology feedback. After have Pediatrics feedback this morning, I was again down in the dumps. I failed... AGAIN. And to think I studied that subject too even when I was brought to Batangas the weekend before the exams. I studied my butt off that subject. I even brought that ridiculously heavy and thick Nelson's Pediatrics Book and read it. Then what do I get? 47/100 and the MPL is 60. It's disappointing that I couldn't even manage to reach 60, considering the sacrifices I made for the 5th exams. Because of Pediatrics, I don't even want to know what I got for Pharmacology because I'm sure I got another lower than crap grade.
So much for aiming for an 80% on Pathology, Pharmacology, and Medicine. I was so determined too. I'm angry, depressed, disappointed... I just feel like crap. My dad knows I'm doing bad in school right now, but I don't think he knows just exactly how. Just last Sunday night when we were on our way to Keystone, he told me, "You can do it. Just keep studying." I'm glad he still thinks I can do it, and hopefully I can. It's just so hard... I can easily tell myself, "I'll do better next time!" but when I get a rain of depressing feedbacks, I get pulled down back to hopelessness. Right now, all I want is one, just ONE exam feedback with a passing grade. I've had enough of the depressing 5th exam feedbacks, I'm already running away from them. Cowardice? Maybe so. But it's the only way I won't get even more hopeless.
Ever since I saw those horrible Medicine and Surgery grades, I've been staying longer in school now. I mean, I don't leave for Keystone right away like I used to. I just suddenly find myself not wanting to go back. I'm wanting to stay, just in case all else fails... I hope I'll be able to stay. I want to stay in this school. I want to graduate on time and I don't want to fail my dad. There's just so much to lose.
Crush Galore
Monday, February 1, 2010
05:25 p.m.
What's with me these days? All that ever pops up my head is B.K.A., B.K.A., B.K.A. >.< Do I really like him that much? Weh. It's just weird. Robin, on the other hand, is very amused with all this. It's kinda freaky sometimes that he can read me like a book now ever since I told him how I felt about his "boyfriend". O_o I don't mind his teasing. It's better than bottling up all this girly feelings inside. Actually, I'm thankful he's there to break the tension. Sometimes I get so flustered when B.K.A. even passes by. I get tachycardic, excited, and shy. Once he leaves, Robin just laughs or smirks at me out of the blue and I get this strong desire to smack him, which I do each time. :P Meh...
What's bothering me right now though is B.K.A.'s birthday. I mean, I want to give him something but I don't really know what and I'm also kinda scared to. Robin's birthday is five days after, and it's so easy to think of something to give him. Weh. And I'm not shy to give it to him. >.< This is such a small problem, yet it still bothers me thanks to this stupid yet extremely strong crush of mine. I mean, giving a gift to Bean and to Rainykun when I was crushing on them was easy to do. But why in the world is it so hard to even THINK about giving B.K.A. something for his birthday? >.< *sigh* I want to talk to Robin about this "dilemma", but now I'm kinda embarrassed to. O_o Well, I still have about a week or so. Hopefully, I'll figure out what I can do.
Walking on a Tightrope
Saturday, January 30, 2010
09:49 p.m.
I got the feedback for Medicine and saw my score for Surgery. It was devastating. You know that feeling you get when you know you studied so hard, took the test and felt confident that you'll pass this time only to get the results and see that you didn't even make it to the passing score? Well, that's how I feel right now: extremely disappointed. It's bullcrap, really. The moment I saw my score, all that ran through my head was: Was I not meant to pass Med School? Sure, I thought that way during first year, but this is way worse. I'm failing almost every subject in second year right now. After seeing my Medicine score, I was hoping I passed Surgery just so I'd feel better, and what did I see? An even worse score than what I got for Medicine. >.< Next week, we'll be getting the feedback for the other subjects, and I tell you now, I just lost that confidence I had before we saw the first feedback. I'm already down in the dumps, and now I don't want to feel even worse than what I feel now...
LOA can kiss my ass. I meant it. I really did. I'm not the type to give up right away. I decided to beat myself up instead of run away. Sure, some would say it was the more logical thing to do; to save your butt from getting kicked out of the school. Well, no. I don't care. I'm stubborn. I'm hard-headed. I'm not giving up. It's not over until it's over. And just like a friend of mine from school said, "Just study harder and do better." It may be easier said than done. But that's just the thing I'm going to do for the last set of Long Tests and the Final Exam. This time, it literally is my life on the line. What have I got to lose? My dream, my new friends, my promise.
A Memorable Evening of My Med Life
Friday, January 29, 2010
11:34 a.m.
Last night was fun. Lots of fun. XD
So I was waiting for B.K.A to pick me up. He came around 8:30pm, and when I went out of the apartment, it turned out another group of my classmates were there waiting for some other people. B.K.A. was there and well, told me to go with them instead since he and the ones with him were going by taxi. Lol. Taxi. I thought he had a car. XD So I rode with my other classmates and we got lost. Lol. I had to call B.K.A to give us clearer directions. And after a few turns, misses, and a car scratch (I hope Ewi will be able to take that huge scratch off her car. >.<), we made it to Grilla, Libis. Only a few of my classmates where there, around 15 to 20. We're a hundred in the class so meh... I was so hungry when we were there and I ate more than what I was supposed to (according to my diet, I'm not supposed to eat rice for dinner LOL). We all took a bunch of pictures (all uploaded in Facebook. XD). Everyone drank booze, except me, because I don't drink and beer tastes nasty. But I did try the margarita. XD My classmates were all telling me to drink. Bwahaha! And actually, they were amazed I came to the night out. Well, it's my first time with them so they were pretty much excited and took pictures with me like I was some celebrity. Wahaha! XD Robin was especially enjoying watching me. >.< Weh. He's like some stalker out to pounce on me. Waaa! But of course he would be enjoying. He knows full well that I was very much crushing on B.K.A. For crying out loud, B.K.A. was wearing his glasses most of the time, and I can't help it but scream deep down inside, "GAAAH! HE'S SO CUTE!!!" O_o I'm such a girl. Lol.
After Grilla, Libis, some people went home. It was already around 1am that time. I had the choice to ride with Bau and Ria or stay some more and go home with B.K.A. Meh. I decided to stay, not only because I secretly just wanted to ride home with him, but also wanted to just experience staying up that late during a night out. We went to another restaurant near the clubs. They all drank again. O_o Some were already tipsy and some were really close to getting drunk. Fortunately, I think I'm already used to drunk people after seeing Aymah that one time (*flashbacks to the last DLSU Block party*). She was worse than what I saw last night. Lol.
Anyway, aside from the brief happy moments I had when he would swing his arm around my shoulders or bring his face close to mine for a picture or just simply say my name, the whole night was enjoyable. It was really a lot of fun, even though I don't drink. It was fun watching them. And it felt real nice that they're really friendly. It was my first time with them and I'm not an alcohol drinker, but I'm glad all of them made it so I wouldn't feel left out despite these. We went home at 4:30am. >.< So yeah, I'm still sleepy right now.
Detox
Thursday, January 28, 2010
05:43 p.m.
Whew. I'm finally done with the exams. Well, some of them were effing hard, Pathology included. And that was the subject I concentrated on studying too. >.< If I were to compare how I did this week to last time, well, I'd say I did better. I studied hell more than before, I better get higher grades. But I guess I'll find out if I improved once we get the exam feedback. Tomorrow will be the feedback for Psychiatry and Medicine. I hope I passed Medicine. >.<
On a lighter note, later the class is going to have a "detoxification" night out in Grilla, Libis (I have no idea where that is), though, detox wouldn't be the right term since I'm sure they'll be drinking. XD Anyway, yeah, for the first time, I'm going out with them. And thanks to a certain big fat blue birdy, I was set up to ride with B.K.A. going to and coming back from the venue. T^T Part of me is jumping for joy in a girly "kilig" way, and the other part just wants to shoot him with an arrow for setting me up. @_@ Well, at least there are others riding with him too, so it would help me not to get a heart attack during the ride. I don't know, though, if my heart feels that it's lucky for me or not. Lol. But at least I get to ride in his car. It's a rare opportunity, I might as well take it and enjoy no matter what. XD
LOA can kiss my butt!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
04:03 p.m.
I just had my second "counseling" a while ago from a Pathology prof. The first one was around two weeks ago with a Pharmacology prof. Well, they basically said the same thing:
"Your Pathology grade is bad and your Medicine is downright horrible. Wanna take LOA?"
My reply to that? NO WAY!
I know how bad I'm doing with the subjects now, with Pathology being around 72-73% and Medicine being a really nice 68% (I'm the lowest in the ENTIRE batch, by the way). Pharmacology is just borderline and the other subjects are crap. But I'm not going to take LOA even if the odds are against me. It's not an option. Getting kicked out of the school isn't an option either, so I know just how hard I'm going to have to work this time. I have to study now like my life depended on it, and in fact, it does.
There are reasons why I can't take LOA nor allow myself to get kicked out of the school.
First, taking LOA delays me by a year. I don't want that. It may save me from getting hell grades, but that will be at the expense of being delayed and separating from my new friends, whom I'm beginning to get a bit attached to now. I mean they put the color in my gray med school life. They don't really realize it yet, I suppose. But that's their effect on me now. So the suggestion of LOA can kiss my ass. DX
Second, my dad was afflicted with encephalitis last September, and during the course of that horrid illness, I made him a promise. I promised him that I'll top the board exams (at least be in the top 10). Now this promise conflicts with being kicked out of school. Everyone knows damn well UERM is KING in producing the top when it comes to the exams. And I have to use that to my advantage. Sure, before, I didn't even want to study here. UERM wasn't my first choice; DLSU Das Marinas was. But even though this school has somewhat crappy facilities with messed up laboratories (I'm looking at Biochem and Physiology), a rundown elevator, and pain in the ass profs (who I won't name because people read blogs... Hint is they're from the 1st year department), I learned to like the school just a little bit. Getting kicked out means losing all of this and also losing what I could save even if I took LOA.
It's become a do-or-die situation. This is my chance. I've got two more long tests to do well in and the final exams. My goal this time is to pass ALL my subjects, while I get a grade of at least 80% in Pathology, Pharmacology, and Medicine. Looks impossible? Just watch me.
Irritating Infatuation
Friday, January 15, 2010
07:30 p.m.
Today was just... Meh. Just a few hours ago, I found myself really irritated. Well, I'm good at relating with guys, right? It's so easy to be natural around them because of my tomboyish nature. But there is just one guy I find it hard to act normal with; one guy I can't even strike up a good conversation with. I'm talking about B.K.A. I was just so irritated with myself I didn't realize I was practically walking up and down the stairs. Lo and behold, Robin noticed me and asked what was wrong. B.K.A. was with him. I told him there was nothing wrong, and that I was okay. But of course, my face said otherwise. I ran back down the stairs to meet with my parents. Yeah, my parents dropped by because I was actually going to be given an award for participating in the UE Theme Contest. Anyway, Robin met up with me after a while. I was already calm and I told him that I would talk to him about it at a later time. My heart was pounding like hell. Of course,
I've done it. I've told Robin. Luckily for me, he's not going to tell him, which is a good thing. Why did I tell Robin? I just needed someone to talk to, aside from Rain-kun; someone from UE. And Robin is the one person I guess I feel closest to. Haha... Another guy. I feel a little better now. But if there's anything I really want, it's to be able to talk to B.K.A. more properly. I don't care if he doesn't like me back or whatever. It's just irritating me the way I can't budge him. Haay...
All The Small Things
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
10:21 a.m.
Because recently, one of my goals was to beat B.K.A.'s Rock Band score on my iPhone, I ended up with the song by Blink 182 stuck in my head. Of course, I indeed surpassed the high score. Meh.
All the small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride best trip
Always, I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating
Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na......
Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs
Surprises let me know she cares
Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na......
Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, Ill be your thrill
The night will go on, my little windmill
Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, Ill be your thrill
The night will go on, the night will go on, my little windmill.
Kyuu! The power of infatuation!
Monday, January 11, 2010
09:50 p.m.
I'm going to die... Die of kilig and infatuation. Dammit! B.K.A looks so friggin' adorable when he wears glasses. And dammit his glasses is permanent now since he's nearsighted. Now I have to live the rest of my Med school life getting sudden cases of myocardial infarction. >.< Just a while ago, I had this sudden urge to tell him he was cute with glasses on when I was talking to him on YM. But I controlled myself. Saying something like that would be suicide. O_o For one, he seems te type to avoid me if I said something as leading as that. Waaah... Never! I can never say something that embarrassing to him! I'd rather keep it hidden. Anyway, he doesn't seem to find me as attractive as I find him. Weh. I hate this infatuation I have. It's all his fault for being so darn... Cute.
~~~~~~~~~~REAL Japanese Names
Thursday, January 7, 2010
06:59 p.m.
So I was interested in knowing what my name was in Japanese. And I'm not talking about the Katakana translation. I'm talking about the deeper translation. Well, I looked up my first name and it meant "garden" in Spanish. So I checked for it in the Japanese dictionary. Lo and behold, I got 「園」 or 「その」, which reads as "sono". Cool. XD My last name was harder though, because it meant "one who came from Argos in Asteenas (North Spain)". Definitely, there's no exact translation for that in a Japanese name. The closest I got was 「西」 or 「にし」, which reads as "nishi" and means "west" or Spain. I decided to go with that, and so now my name in Japanese is 「西園」. Astig. XD
I looked up Ame-kun's name too. His first name meant "small" and so the kanji for it is 「小」, which reads 「しょう」 or "shou". His last name meant "friend" or "beloved". I picked "beloved" instead because the Japanese word for it sounded cooler: 「最愛」 in kanji, read as 「さいあい」 or "saiai". So his Japanese name would come out as 「最愛小」. XD
I'll try some other names later. XD Maybe some of my classmates. Lol. Maybe I can try B.K.N.'s! XD
A Maiden?!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
12:17 a.m.
Before I start ranting, first I want to say that B.K.A. wore glasses today (I don't know if it was his or what) and I SWEAR I couldn't even look at him straight when he was talking to me. Why? Because he was just so damn adorable! O_o Dammit. I hate it when a guy unknowingly pulls my heartstrings like that. >.< Gaaah!!!
Okay, the above sounded a bit like a rant, but the real rant is about Amekun. That idiot sometimes says the wrong things when I expect something better. Plus, he thinks because I keep in touch with him a lot, it affects my grades somewhat. >.< I am not that shallow. My grades are hell right now because the study methods I've been using don't work in 2nd year. Advanced studying is crap. Cramming was better but still gave me pasang awa grades. I need more than that, so this time I'm trying a different method using my iPhone. It puts the fun in boring things. It should work. Hopefully. Grarrrrgh! I really wanted to slap his face right then and there when he said that. And then he implies to me that he wants to go to the same school I'm in because I'm here... Yet the way he talks about how "serious" he's going to take med school kinda defeats the purpose. It's okay to be serious, but the way he said it, it's like he's not even going to make time for me the way I make time for him right now. And that's why if he ever steps foot on UE as a medical student there, I'm going to make him miss me so bad he'll make the time! And if it doesn't work, screw him! Gaaah! Look at the way I'm talking right now. It's like I WANT him to come after me; like I'm a freakin' maiden in love. DAMMIT! I need that B.K.A. distraction, NOW!
Happy New Year!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
12:11 a.m.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! XD
We spent the new year in Olongapo. We didn't play with firecrackers though. Instead we just watched fireworks in Subic. I miss playing with Watusi and stuff. Wah...
Anyway, since it's the new year, I've decided to make it my New Year's resolution to get better grades in school, at least to pull them up. >.< Argh... School starts Monday. I don't wanna go to school yet. T^T
Anyway, I have tomorrow as my last day to enjoy. Poor me. T^T
Ex = friend?
Monday, December 28, 2009
03:25 p.m.
So I just heard from an old friend of mine that his girlfriend broke up with him. And that's after five friggin' years of a relationship. WTH. Well, I think I've mentioned them before. Krish is a Catholic, and his late GF is Born Again. Born Agains are rather strict especially with relationships. So those two have been illegal for five years. Meh. Reminds me of my Lovely Complex with Ame-kun in college. We were illegal too, but unlike Krish and his GF, we only lasted a year. Not to mention, we remained best friends after that. After all, he was just too precious to let go of completely. But there's the other difference: Krish and his ex didn't stay friends. It really bugs me. Krishna is a really nice guy, and I don't get why she would refuse to be friends with him. To be honest, if I saw her I'd give her a good bitchslappin'. Lol. No, but really... They had a friggin' five year relationship and all that goes into the dump? What gives? Especially when you know the person is a GOOD person. To be honest I find it stupid. And this is why I wonder why a lot of people think break-ups are the end when it really isn't. Of course, if the significant other was really a total jackass, then I would understand. I could also understand avoiding the ex only for a certain amount of time to let wounds heal, but to actually say "No we can never be friends" to an ex whom you know so well is a very nice person, it just bugs me a whole lot.
Maybe you're thinking I just don't know the circumstances of the break up. According to Krishna, she was already dating another guy even though they were still together. She hid stuff from him and lied to him. In the end, she was the one who dumped him. You'd expect Krish to be mad and be the one to say "we can never be friends". But no. It's the oter way around. Krish OFFERED to be friends, and the girl refused. WTH? I don't know what went on in that silly little head of hers, but she knows damn well that Krishna is a nice guy. But hearing about her refusing the offer? I learned that Krishna is a good guy in a span of one year being classmates with him. I expected HER to have learned that and more so in the FIVE years she's been with him. I guess I was wrong...
Meh. Yeah I'm ranting. Krish said it well to me too: It's her loss. Hehe... And I couldn't agree more.
Christmas Eve!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
12:43 p.m.
It's Christmas Eve! Time flies so fast. We'll be spending the Christmas party tonight in my Dad's brother's house/compound. ^^
Anyway, I've been good so far. It's been stress free and I'm enjoying. XD I got Tekken 6 for my PS3 and now I'm practicing my character again. I swear I'm going to get back the glory I used to have, when I was able to pwn guys in Tekken! Grarr them all!
Well, I don't have much to say right now. ^^ Oh, but check out my DA. I added another literature. XD It's my first sonnet, and it's all about...
Hell continued...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
11:18 a.m.
Dammit! I slept at 3am last night studying my ass of for Pathology and what do I get? I did HORRIBLE once again in the exam. What the hell? It's like the stuff I studied weren't included in the exam. And God knows I RARELY actually get to stay up that late too. So I thought I would do at least fairly well today. Argh! Stupid stupid stupid. What a way to end the last week of school for this year. What a Christmas/birthday. What the heck. ._. All I've got left is some stupid practical quiz tomorrow for Medicine that I have to study my ass off again later. And HOPEFULLY I'll do better this time. Dammit. Pathology and Med are the subjects I'm doing extremely bad at and apparently, even if I try harder, the result is freakin' the same. I'm annoyed. I'm stressed. I just want to punch a wall so hard till my fist bleeds. Maybe that will make me feel better. I am already hating this. And I thought at least today would start well.
~~~~~~~~~~Happy? Birthday
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
10:28 p.m.
All of a sudden, I just felt empty.
Today started great really, I had a good time during the buffet dinner. But I didn't think my day would actually end like this. I was so excited to tell Rainy about so many things today, like the food we ate and the gifts I got. I got a new backpack from my sister and my dad got me boxing gloves signed by the best boxer himself, Manny Pacquiao. I wanted to show the gloves to Rainy so I took pictures of the gloves. Haha... But anyway he told me to wait till I got home, so I did. Now that I'm home, he tells me that he's sleepy. And from there, everything just spiraled down, down, down. All that excitement for nothing. I was looking forward to speaking with him tonight, to show him and share with him the joy. I guess I was wrong to expect that much. When he's sleepy, he'd just sleep. He'd fall asleep on me no matter what the circumstance. Kinda reminds me of the time he fell asleep on me the day before Valentines... >.< Another thing is that stupid troll who posted on my shoutbox. What the crap. Just great. Perfect. The perfect way to end the day. Not to mention I have to study for practicals tomorrow. Still, it would have been nice if he just waited a little longer to listen to me tonight. Of all the times he'd come back for me, I never imagined he wouldn't on my birthday.
Today started well, but this is the first time that December 16 for me ended with me stressed and depressed, like any normal day.
今日はあたしの誕生日！
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
11:01 a.m.
今日はあたしの誕生日！(Today is my birthday!)
Yey me! Lol. I'm now officially 22 years old. Hm... That's not old yet is it? Waaaah! It is old! Nuuuuuuuuuuu!!!DX
Anyway, I'll be eating out for dinner with my parents and my cousin. We'll be eating buffet in some hotel. XD And since I'm on a diet, I'm actually starving myself today. Lol. No breakfast and no lunch. I'm gonna enjoy tonight. Then when I get back home, I'm going to study my ass off with Pathology. I'm seriously going to GET (not TRY, GET!) a high grade for Pathology practicals. I need it. I seriously need to pull my grade up. I'm going to have to buy myself some energy drinks for tonight. I definitely won't be sleeping early.
So bad, yet so good...
Monday, December 14, 2009
11:10 p.m.
Happy Birthday to my old buddy, Krishna! XD
But then again, it's not like he'd read this blog. He doesn't even know about it. Lol. Anyway, I got the results of some of my exams. In short, I did terrible. >.< Med is the death of me. T^T I wish it was Christmas break already. I need it. Huhuhu...
Bad news aside, I got a new cellphone. It's an early birthday gift. XD I got an iPhone! Cool huh? XD The funny thing is when I got it, I couldn't do anything to it when I synced it with my iTunes in my laptop. So I texted the guy my mom got the phone from. And well, since he replied super late and I'm an impatient kid, I restored the iPhone. Meaning, I reset everything on the phone, so that I could sync it all over again. You know how iPods are anyway. You have delete everything before you can completely sync it or whatever. So, yeah. I lost everything, especially the applications the guy added to the phone when my mom got it. When I tried to sync it again with my iTunes, I couldn't do it! OMG. It said I had to activate it with a valid SIM card. OMG. My Smart sim was invalid. OMG. I just remembered iPhone is regional. OMG. I CAN'T USE MY PHONE! @_@ So I was on panic mode. Then a few minutes later I calmed myself down and tried to think things through... OMG. This phone needs to be unlocked. OMG. How much does that cost? OMG. I'm gonna run out of money. OMG. There's something here on the internet about jailbreaking iPhones! I looked it up and did a quick research. So I just had to get a program to crack open the iPhone. I downloaded blackra1n, connected my phone to the laptop, and opened the program. In 20 seconds, my iPhone was "jailbroken". I was able to use the phone again. YEY!!! But wait! OMG. There's no signal. OMG. I can't send a text message. OMG. My SIM card isn't detected. And the cycle on panic mode repeated. I calmed myself down, and continued my quick research. Apparently, aside from jailbreaking, the iPhone also needed to be unlocked. So I looked around on how to unlock the iPhone. Apparently, blackra1n couldn't do jack, so I kept researching (which took around 10 minutes), after finding what I needed, it took another 20 seconds before my iPhone finally detected my SIM card. Yey!!! So yes, people, I know how to jailbreak and unlock an iPhone. Other than that, I also figured out how to find and download applications for free. OMG. I'm a hacker. OMG. It costs P800 to jailbreak and unlock an iPhone. OMG. I can make money out of this. OMG. I'm so good. *_*
The Aftermath
Sunday, December 6, 2009
10:39 p.m.
Last week was my exams. It was one hell of a week. So tiring. >.< Tomorrow, class continues. *sigh* I wish it was Christmas break already. I'm feeling stressed out. And I'll be even more stressed when they start showing us our scores in the Long tests. I'm sure I screwed majority of those tests again and as usual. Pathology is a bitch, Pharmacology is an ass, Medicine is bullcrap, and Surgery...! SURGERY MY GAWD! I expected it to be much easier than that! The heck. It made me think if my dad gave questions like those in the test when he was still teaching in UERM. The test questions were all like. WTH?!?! T^T I'm going to cry. Hopefully, I'll be able to make up for it next time. Mweh.
~~~~~~~~~~Blog updated!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
12:11 p.m.
I've archived all my 2009 blog entries. You can see them in the archives links. Anyway, it looks like my changing the layout of my blog will be delayed. I can't open photobucket for some reason. Wah... I'll be using this layout again I guess. Meh.
~~~~~~~~~~
