Nickname: MeryL
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's 2007 and still counting. Time flies by so quickly, doesn't it? School starts on January 8. I'm pretty much excited. Hahaha! Wow... I'm excited for school. Interesting. College is just so much fun despite all the workload and stress it gives. ^_^I'm 19! Yeah, some people are telling me that I'm old. >.< Okay lang yan! It's the last year of my teens. I gotta enjoy the rest of next year before I turn 20. Then I'll really be old.XD
I was so excited last Friday since the next day I was going to hold a small party at Hapchan. I invited some of my Woodrose friends and my DLSU friends. Unfortunately, out of the 11 I invited, six couldn't make it, so only five came. Add me and my cousin, that makes seven. That's kinda few, but heck, even though I really wanted everyone to go so badly, things turned out a lot better than I thought. I had so much fun, especially when we went to Timezone in ATC after we ate. We played till we dropped, and that was the source of my extreme exhaustionafter the party. But it was worth it. It was a great birthday. ^_^ I even got to see altar boy and Rain-kun dressed more decently. XD Well, I mean, I always see them in a shirt, pants, and sandals. This time I saw shoes and polo. Pumogi sila kung baga. Hihihi! Putting all that aside, after that party I had last Saturday, I look forward to going out again with them. I wouldn't mind even if it's just Rain-kun I'm going out with. >.<
In about a month, I'll be 19 years old. wow... That is kinda old... >_< Then again, it's still a step closer to independence.
Independence... I love that word. Actually, I've fallen in love with it. Perhaps it's because it's part of my nature as a Sagittarius. After all, Sags are freedom-loving. I totally dislike it when I am tied down or pulled back. Unfortunately, I've got parents who are doing just that. There are simple and nearly harmless they do not want me to do. They throw at me all their reasons, and I really understand how they feel. But it's just that there are some things I can do and settle with on my own in my own way. At least, this is what I strongly believe in. I'm old! I know at least 80% of what is right and what is wrong. May parents' advices are appreciated, but still, there are things that I have to deal with myself. The more they pull me back, the more I struggle to be free. Reasoning or negotiating with them won't help either. I've tried, but only to have what I say backfire, and from there, things get heated. All I can do, then, is shut up and agree to their ramblings just to make them stop. It is because of this that I started to really long for independence. I guess I'm pretty much like Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean. She fell for Jack Sparrow, a living image of freedom. Hmm... Then that must explain why I started to really like Rain-kun.
We had a fieldtrip yesterday (Yes, during Ramadhan, a holiday...) for our COMPANA Lab. We went to Avilon Zoo and examined and identified a bunch of animals. It was very tiring, but I can't say that I didn't have any fun. The zoo was better than I expected; way better than Manila Zoo. Actually, it was even bigger than that. They had more animals in Avilon, and you can even feed some of them. It was more exciting, too. I won't forget that instant when the jaguar tried to pounce on me from its cage. I nearly had a heart attack. @_@ Luckily for me, the darn cat was in its cage, or I would have been fresh lunch.
Anyway, enough about the zoo. None of that can compare to the next destination: some house in the middle of Cainta, Rizal. Really, I don't know what was going on in our professor's little head. He took us to a cult... Yes, a CULT. It was a cult wherein this woman claimed to be the female reincarnation of Jesus Christ. None of us really wanted to go to this, but when we were already parked in front of the house, we all decided to go in and give it a try, just out of curiosity. Well, actually, not all of us went in. My friend, Rain-kun, didn't want to go, and so he stayed in the van. Believe me, he's an atheist and he made the wisest choice.
There was nothing really special about the house's appearance. It was small and normal. The "Messiah Lady" was no different. She looked just like a normal mid-50 year old lady. My classmates, professor, and I sat down and listened to her sermon, which seemed to spark the spirit of Ms. Frim within me (Gad, I can't believe I still have the essence of that teacher imprinted within myself! O_o). I absorbed almost everything the lady said, analyzed them, and philosophized. I think it's times like these when former students of Ms. Frim would start thanking her for teaching them about Christian Philosophy. I practically spotted a number of errors in the lady's sermon. The first issue was about reincarnation. I refute it: THERE IS NO REINCARNATION IN THE CATHOLIC RELIGION! That's Hinduism, for crying out loud! Another issue had something to do about the perfection of Jesus Christ; that He perfected His male side and now, since He is reincarnated as a woman, He must perfect His female side. It was something like that. I refute it: JESUS IS THE MOST PERFECT HUMAN BEING AND DOES NOT NEED TO BE "REINCARNATED" TO BECOME EVEN MORE PERFECT. THAT WOULD ALREADY LIMIT THE PERFECTION OF HIS BEING. What in the world is this "male side" and "female side"? Give me a break... A human can be either male or female. Jesus was a male and will always be a male because, though He is 100% divine, He is also still 100% human. It is the God that is sexless. -_- Okay, I don't want to go on philosophizing the rest of the crap I "learned" from the "Messiah Lady". It's a total waste of time, just like it was when we were all there.
It came to the part when we were about to see her "aura". I expected some yellowish or whitish glow around her body. Honestly, I did see her "aura". It was whitish, and it surrounded her entire body, making her somewhat luminous. Unfortunately, physics and optical illusion can intervene in this phenomenon. Staring at something for a long time can replicate the image seen, thus forming an "aura" around the body of the object. So, yeah, the lady just got refuted by science. T_T Then it came to hearing the voice of God. We were pretty much curious about this one. We eagerly wanted hear the "Voice of God", and this was her last chance to prove herself. We all heard the voice alright; the voice of a woman trying her hardest to sound deep and manly. It was SO not convincing. I almost laughed when she started bellowing to us: "I AM GOD THE FATHER! I AM WHO I AM! I AM WHO I AM!" I seriously had to restrain myself and keep a straight face. My classmates also seemed skilled at hiding ther laughter. They even kept their faces as straight as mine. And believe me, our professor was the only one who BELIEVED everything that was happening. What the crap...
I don't know if we have the right to blame our professor for this bullcrap. All of us in the class are Roman Catholics, but he, on the other hand, is an Orthodox Christian. But he's an old timer, for crying out loud! He should know better. It was a CULT! It was all heresy! Even the most devout Christian wouldn't believe all that crap. I don't even have to be a theist and philosophize to know that it was all fake. Seriously, I can be just like Rain-kun. T_T I admire him for his conviction of not going, really. I can safely say that I also have strong conviction. It's just that I'm also naturally curious and I love adventure. So I just tried it out. I swear, going to that house was not worth it. It was a total waste of time. Even five precious minutes were wasted when she started "blessing" our water... -_- Speaking of which, I think my dog is thirsty. Perhaps he would like some "holy water blessed by the female reincarnation of Christ". It could be good for him.
Let's have a little recap on what's been going on with me since I entered the "wilderness" of DLSU...
1.) LPEP. Met my first (and now closest) friends in college.
2.) Because of my uncontrollable feminine instincts, I found four guys in my block cute. (Four years of the absence of the opposite sex seemed to have affected me... O_o)
3.) Had issues with a group of people whom I thought would make a great barkada... Unfortunately, I was wrong.
4.) Developed a crush. XD
5.) Was officially renamed to Carmenomitis sp. by Carlis sarionensis and Paulus davidus. (It's a Biology major thing... XD)
6.) Was courted... for the very first time in my life... by my crush's bestfriend... O_O (The love triangle begins...)
7.) Got my very first Valentine's Day gift from the person above.
8.) Rejected #6... about three times. XD (How evil of me...)
9.) Developed an "anime complex" with Paul.
10.) Along with #10, I was influenced by Carl's genius... (For more info, read our chat notebook. XD)
11.) The INCIDENT at Yoti's house happened.
12.) More guys started to develop an interest in me... -_-
13.) ...
I guess that's all of it there. Based on all that, I think now that the correct blog title should be The Twisted Illusion: My Life Is A Shoujo Anime. But anyway, let's just leave it at that. XD
Amusing. Most of my friends with blogs are at livejournal... Should I switch? Hmm... Maybe not. I'm actually having fun with all the HTML work that pitas makes you do to make your blog look... prettier (Yeah, I couldn't exactly think of a better word.). But perhaps I'll move my friendster blog to livejournal so I'll be able to join them. Yeah, that's a good idea. Perhaps I really should. XD
Okay, so this entry isn't really a fruitful entry or anything. Let's just say that I'm bored right now, waiting for BIOSTAT to start and I just decided to make an unecessary entry in my blog. Yeah...
Arena(known to self and others) caring, cheerful, energetic, giving, happy | Blind Spot(known only to others) able, adaptable, calm, complex, confident, dependable, friendly, helpful, intelligent, introverted, kind, loving, mature, modest, observant, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, sensible, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, tense, trustworthy, warm, witty |
Façade(known only to self) accepting | Unknown(known to nobody) bold, brave, clever, dignified, extroverted, idealistic, independent, ingenious, knowledgeable, logical, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, proud, reflective, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sympathetic, wise |
58% of people agree that Immortal One is cheerful
66% of people think that Immortal One is friendly
able (8%) accepting (0%) adaptable (8%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (8%) caring (33%) cheerful (58%) clever (0%) complex (8%) confident (16%) dependable (8%) dignified (0%) energetic (33%) extroverted (0%) friendly (66%) giving (8%) happy (16%) helpful (8%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (16%) introverted (8%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (8%) mature (8%) modest (8%) nervous (0%) observant (8%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (16%) reflective (0%) relaxed (25%) religious (8%) responsive (8%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (8%) sentimental (8%) shy (16%) silly (25%) spontaneous (16%) sympathetic (0%) tense (8%) trustworthy (50%) warm (16%) wise (0%) witty (8%)
If you want to be happy, don't do whatever you like. Instead, like whatever you do. Because happiness comes not from having much to live on, but it comes from having much to live for.
This is a text message I received four times from four different people. The first time I read it,I thought I completely understood what it meant. The next two times I received it, I deleted from from my cellhpone. I was so sure of what it meant anyway: Happiness is achieved unselfishly, by realizing how much one already has. It's as simple as that. But I received the message a fourth time just two days ago, and it seemed coincidental that I was very frustrated that day.
The day started out just fine. I was happy, or so I thought. It went by as if nothing could go wrong. ORCHEM2 was a breeze and so was GENSPYC. BIOSTAT was no problem either. U-break came, and I realized that I had to cram the Chemistry Lab formal report since I did the wrong topic. >_< So I went to the computer lab, started working, yada, yada, yada... Unfortunately, I couldn't finish so I tried contacting Rain-kun for help, only to get a "The number you have dialled is either unattended or out of coverage area."
Our Chemistry lab came and I couldn't submit the formal report. I decided to submit it some other day while I gave an excuse to the teacher. Oddly enough, Rain-kun was late, and he was the only one in our group who could open our locker. Actually, he didn't show up at all and I couldn't even contact him. I became pissed. We had a bit of difficulty performing the experiment for the day, thanks to him. I have plenty of reasons why I had to feel that way. It wasn't the first time he'd done this. His random and out of the blue cutting of classes cost him an ORCHEM2 long test, a chance to get "open notes" for the BIOSTAT long test (which was today), a GENPSYC groupwork, and now, the chemistry lab experiment. That's a lot of stuff, and I can't deny that I was very worried about him. I always am everytime he does this, and usually he doesn't tell me anything at all; no reason, no explanation. It was the last straw. I wanted to slap him to get him back to reality if I saw him right after we finished the experiment. I ranted, but when I thought deeply about it, I realized that something was pulling me back. If I had seen him, I truly wouldn't have slapped him at all. For some reason, I was afraid to get angry with him. I became confused, and questions of insecurity began to flood my mind. If I lectured him, would he listen? Then it led to the question I've asked myself many times before: Does he really consider me a close friend? I needed help. I needed advice. And that's when I thanked the Lord that I had Tensai to go to for help.
If you want to be happy...
Talking to Tensai made me realize that I wasn't exactly happy even though I forced myself to believe that I am, to Rain-kun, a close friend.
...don't do whatever you like.
After all, I still wasn't sure.
Instead, like whatever you do.
Then Tensai asked me the very question I have for so long tried to avoid: Do you like him? It was so easy for me to answer this question before. But now, I couldn't answer him right away. I was going to say "No", but for some reason, I just couldn't. I thought hard. I had no such feelings for Rain-kun, and I knew that very well. Perhaps I was mistaken, because then it would have been so easy for me to answer Tensai's question. So why couldn't I say "No"?
Because happiness comes not from having much to live on...
The harder I thought, the more I came to realize that I was incapable of saying "No" to him, because I would be lying to myself. I couldn't say "Yes" because simply I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to admit it.
...but...
I fought against myself in a mental battle, and I don't know if I won or lost. But I told him the truth.
...Happiness comes from having much to live for.
At that moment, I felt fulfilled, and I didn't care anymore of what Rain-kun truly did think of me. What mattered most was that I considered him one of my close friends along with Tensai. Just that, whether it was mutual or not, was enough for me to be happy.
I'm a December baby! I just got this out from one of my friend's blogs. The ones that are bold strongly describe me, while the ones crossed out don't apply.
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
Again, I'll be talking about rain...
He is so much like the rain, after all.
I do not like the rain. Rain means flooded streets, especially when it's hard. Rain means worry. Rain means that the sky is crying. Rain means water; a lot of it can swallow anything. Rain is simply disappointment and sadness. I hate the rain. When I expect a sunny day out in the open, the rain can ruin it all. When I don't want it to rain and it does, I can't stop it. I can only wait and hope. When I cry and go outside, the raindrops will only hide my tears. The rain can be a nuisance; a stubborn, unpredictable entity. And he is just like the rain.
But I also like the rain. Rain means no school, especially when it's hard. Rain means a break from stress. Rain means cooling off the heat. Rain means water; to satisfy thirst. To put it simply, rain means comfort and relaxation. I love the rain. I can play and get wet the whole day if I wanted to. I can lie down outside and listen to the sound of the droplets hitting a surface as I drift off to sleep. When I cry, I can go out and replace my tears with the raindrops that will stream down my cheeks. The rain can be my shelter; my sense of security. And he is exactly like the rain.
When raindrops fall...
There are two possible meanings when it comes to the symbol of rain.
First, it's disappointment, defeat, or failure. Today was the 19th birthday of my close DLSU friend. As much as possible I wanted to make his birthday at least a bit "better" than his usual description about the occasion: boring and uneventful. I bought him chocolates as a gift, but I wanted to give him more. He's my friend, after all, so it's natural for me to want to give special things to him. All I wanted in return was knowing that today was more special than his previous birthdays. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get what I wanted nor was I able to do what I promised myself to do. I did give him the chocolates, but I was barely given enough time to even hang with him. I couldn't even talk to him much because he was in "silent mode". And it's such a coincidence, too, that we took up this simple story in general psychology class about this boy and a tree. The title was "The Giving Tree". As I read the story, I suddenly had this strange feeling I couldn't explain. It was then at dismissal time that I realized that the story was similar to what happened today.
The Giving Tree
By Shel Silverstein
Once there was a tree...
And she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make
them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat
apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree...very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older and the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said,
"Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches and eat apples
and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money.
Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city.
Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried
them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time...
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she
said,"Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and
swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house?"
"I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off my branches
and build a house.
Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his
house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly
speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away
from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat,"
said the tree. "Then you can sail away...
...and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy...but not really.
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree,
"but I have nothing left to give you--
My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree.
"You cannot swing on them."
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb."
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I wish that I could give you something...
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump. I am sorry..."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy,
"just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting.
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
-End-
Well, in some ways, there is a similarity to what happened today. I gave and wanted to give more, just like the tree. He received, but refused to receive the rest and asked for silence instead. I don't know if he was happy, but was I happy? ... Part of me is, because I was able to give at least a small thing. But the other part feels a sense of failure and dissatisfaction. I couldn't do as much as I really wanted, even though I sacrificed the simplest things just to get in return only one simple thing: his happiness. Perhaps, in the near future, I'll be able to get that simple thing. I'll just have to wait, just like the tree. The simplicity of the boy sitting down on her old stump was enough to make her very happy.
The rain still falls from the sky. And there is still that other meaning to that symbol: sadness or grief. Just a while ago, I received devastating news from my mom. Another one of my grandmothers (a grand aunt) passed away just this afternoon. I'm not as close to her as I was to my grandmother who had gone last year. But it's depressing that this one now is the fifth close person who died. Last year, it was Lola, Mrs. Marzo (grade 7 teacher), Mrs. Yabyabin (4th year English teacher), and my dad's brother. Now, it's my mom's aunt. It's beginning to scare me a bit now, because I don't know who will be the next one if there will be a next one. It's too sad. I guess I'll be going to another funeral soon. What a way to end the day... And all this time, I should have known that the rain would fall down hard today. This I regret the most.
My life is an anime...
Yes, it definitely is. It all began when I first stepped into the wilderness of De La Salle University. Really, high school was never as fun as this, and I blame it on the conservative and sexist nature of my old school. See, when I was still in Woodrose, my life was pretty much boring, and the only time it got exciting was when it was Intrams. I didn't fit in well with the seemingly rich, boy-loving, all girls students of the school. It was hard to be myself, because in the eyes of most of them, I was just different. So, yeah, I guess I was a bit of a loner. But when I became a junior, I was able to befriend a handful of students from a lower batch. Though they were younger than me, I didn't mind. Their company was enough to make me feel more comfortable.| Your Linguistic Profile: |
| 50% General American English |
| 30% Yankee |
| 15% Dixie |
| 0% Midwestern |
| 0% Upper Midwestern |
