Whoops.
My Sim is pissed off at me. After all I've done for her! I built her a pool, a spa-house, I added on to her house, bought all new furniture, and she doesn't appreciate it. Her love interest (Anthony) came over and wanted to go for a midnight swim. Heather was really tired after working all day (she doesn't get weekends off), and at about 1:00 am, she passed out on her basketball court. I felt bad, but I thought some magic would happen in the pool! I feel like a virtual pimp. Anyway, she had to miss work, but that's okay. Even the best of us need a mental health day every once in a while. Time to archive.
The Karma is turning.
Yes it is. In my favor. I feel absolutely gorgeous today. Too bad I have no one to spend it on. Work is great-- there is a new doctor starting on Wednesday and I will be pulling charts for him. Veronica and I had to switch some doctors around to make the distribution of duties more even... she said there was NO WAY she wanted the new doctor because he would be swamped with patients. Idiot. So I gave her one of my doctors who only works half-days and I took the new doc (full-time). Today, she has been INUNDATED with chart requests and phone calls. Ha. Dumb-ass. Looks like we'll be trading back. That is okay, because I can handle the workload. All she does is bitch about how much work she has to do, when she really doesn't have that much. She's just lazy.
I think I'm going to start designing Sim objects. There are enough skins to go around; the objects are the gravy. I downloaded a purple bong for my little guys yesterday. Bongzilla!!! RAARRR!!! Ha. Thanks, Dick. I should be receiving my Sims Livin' Large by Wednesday. I'm having too much damnm fun with it. I need to download the transmogrifier today. I redesigned Mulder & Scully's house, but they still don't like it. I hope they at least sleep together; sometimes, they won't. Damn it! I don't want to go back to work! But I must be responsible person.
I will also say goodbye to my mermaid tonight. It's time to archive. Time for a new layout. I love this version of me (there's a picture of me on last archive if you don't believe me), but it's time for something different.
Gross.
I'm watching Iron Chef and the battle today is Octopus. One dude hacked the head off of one, cut all the legs off of it, and the fucking thing is still squirming. I don't think so. I like to try new things, but even I have limits.
TV inside your brain.
I've been having weird dreams over the past two nights. On Friday night, I dreamt I was at Kerrville, but everyone was very alienated toward me. I met up with Mick Jagger first, and had sex with him, then Steven Tyler, and snuck up in an air conditioning passageway over a diner and, as he and I went at it, I could hear myself thinking, "he's gonna give me a venereal disease." And then I got a lab report saying he gave me two diseases (that I'd never heard of). I just think this is strange because the Stones and Aerosmith are two of Leo's favorite bands. Coincidence. Then last night I dreamt that Chris Cornell and I were in the same high school classes together. He told me, "no one understands me but you." Whatever. I go to sleep and have stupid-ass dreams, and then wake up more exhausted and confused than when I went to bed. Such is life.
Before I went to bed last night, I created a two-story house for Mulder and Scully but they didn't like it. I think I need to tear it down and try it again. I came THIS close to putting Scully in a high school cheerleader costume, but I didn't think that would be very respectful. My shoulder hurts.
She's Alive!
Seems we've had a second coming of Heather (my Sim who died tragically in an out of control kitchen fire). I restarted the game and she and her house were still there. Rock. I unzipped my Chris Cornell Sim and built him a 2300 square foot house. Right now, he's a Lab Assistant, but I'm sure once I get his microphone and guitar unzipped, things will be looking up. He hums. It's so funny. And in the shower, there's some detail that probably should be a little more blurred than it is. No, I don't have him taking non-stop showers. What am I, a freak? Heh. My now-resurrected Heather Sim and Chris are becoming friends. Only in Sim City.
I'm in mourning.
My Sim died. She died by setting her kitchen on fire, and then was engulfed in the flames. Couldn't even get to the phone to call the fire department. She had two friends, a $400/day job as an Xtreme sports person (kayaking, rock climbing, BASE jumping, et al), and I was about to build her a pool. She was the Sim representative of myself. She died in flames, my Sagittarian Sim. Time to download some more crap. I downloaded a Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder Sim. Chris Cornell will go rob Eddie Vedder's house and kill him in his sleep. Should be fun.
Gorgeous day.
it was 71 degrees out today. Absolutely stunning. I got my eyebrows waxed at Avant. Much better, too. I have those bushier-than-I-want Seminole Indian eyebrows that can get a little out of hand, and I went and was pampered. The girl who did them was so fast! Usually, it is a painful, long ordeal. If you've never had your brows waxed, that shit hurts. But she was done fast, looks good, and I feel a lot cleaner. Then I went and bought a 6-pack of Bass. I don't have a bar to go drink beer in anymore, so I have to drink it at home. I figure that's safer, anyway. Well, time for my butt to become numb! What fun. I'm happy.
Lunch... coming... up..
Too much mushy sappy happiness and I'm gonna puke. I just read an opening paragraph about how this dude and his girlfriend hung out in his car and listened to music and she was so happy... her smile was so bright. If I use one more ellipse, I will go shoot myself...
I remember once when I was dumb and "in" love. Stress the word dumb. Hindsight is 20/20, man. There is nothing wrong with being alone. I'm not lonely, I don't want that complication in my life right now. I don't hate men, just stupid ones who can't get the hint. Perhaps I'm going overboard. I just don't want to be misunderstood. And I'm sober. Time to watch The X-Files.
Almost a year now.
I started my original site in January of 2000 (around the 11th-16th. I don't remember, it was a flipping YEAR ago). I'm sure I can hit 3000 tonight, and without the help of myself. Yeah, right.
When I go for my Pap, should I shave? Would that be weird? Should the fabulous Dr. F see the hairy truth? What kind of message would that send? I need to decide by February 20th.
Nothing personal.
I created another clique. Feel free to join.
More pain.
My poor knee. Now my poor back. Soon it will be my poor ass. I've had my 13.6 ounces of Fuller's and I'm feeling catty. I know you're reading this, Leo. I know you're going to be reading it when I'm in Salt Lake because you "care" and want to know what I'm up to. You care? How's this for caring-- let me jog your memory:
"I care about you and I want to see you get some help."
"I can't even stand to be in the same room with you right now."
Perhaps not totally verbatim, but the message is clear. You talk out of two faces. Remember all the times when I told you that the longer we were hanging out together, the worse it was going to get (through no complete fault of our own, that's just the way it was going to be)? Who was right? Me. That must hurt. You don't know the story about Chris and myself, it's none of your business, you judged me 100% (after you give me shit for "judging" people when I only give statements of fact as to something that had actually occurred). Friends? You don't know what it is to be a friend. Every single word I say is what I mean, and yet, you seem to want to play armchair psychiatrist and find hidden meanings in what I say. You can't be an armchair shrink if you have no insight into the way a person is. You don't know me. I don't think you ever did, but I pulled no punches with you. You thought you knew how I am. Am I really running away from my problems? Perhaps, considering YOU are my fucking problem and I haven't been this happy in a long time. Happy because I am rid of you. I feel like a dark cloud has finally been pushed from the top of my head and I can see clearly now. You know how much I hate Austin. The people here are assholes, and as for that "people are the same wherever you go," please. That is not true. I am starting over. How is that a bad thing? Because you aren't involved? You don't want to be involved with me, anyway. I don't love you anymore. I feel nothing but contempt and resentment toward you. I can listen to "Wild Horses" or "Whole Lotta Love" and hear the song instead of seeing the memory. Can you handle that? Can your fragile ego handle the fact that I no longer want you? You don't even realize how you abuse me. Why am I in therapy? Because of you. I don't even know if I will need to be on Effexor after this Summer. You have NO right to be mad at me for what happened between Chris and myself, either. It has nothing to do with you. If you can't handle the thought of me seeing another guy or sleeping with another guy, guess what? NOT MY PROBLEM. That's just you lying to yourself. That is your problem. I have good memories of you, but also bad ones. I won't be thinking of you at all once I'm gone. Get over me and get on with your life. Find your perfect, unmedicated, virginal, Catholic girl and marry her so you'll finally be happy. You want what I could never be, and you tried to make me into what you wanted. For that, you are horrible. You never loved me. I know that now.
I don't think I've beaten around the bush here. And if you call me even ONE more time, I will call the police and file a restraining order on you. Don't EVEN try me.
Not gonna do it.
Not even going to give credence to what happened at 4:20 this morning.
I banged my knee at work today. It still hurts. I'm having no shortage of ideas for designing more pages. It's just about time to archive my mermaid. I haven't been having much luck with my Sims. I think I will hold off on that for a little while and do a butt-load of scanning and designing this weekend. I'm feeling very focused on being creative right now.
Opportunity is calling.
I am getting excited about going back to Salt Lake. I originally didn't want to go, but now it's looking better and better. Job opportunities, school... no need to work for at least 6 months... I'd be a world class JACKASS if I didn't go. Now if I can only get my Sims crap to open up so I can play with it. Looks like I will have to get the Livin' Large expansion cd-rom in order for other things to happen. I downloaded a ton of stuff and am in the process of unzipping it, but it isn't in the game play. At least I learned how to make a house. That is progress.
Work was actually tolerable today. I was surprised. Life is pretty good when you don't have shit on your shoes.
She's finally free.
I am moving to Salt Lake City, Utah. I've fucked up living in this shit-hole of Austin for too long (my last 3 years here have been absolutely hellish), and I am ready to make a change. Why Utah? Family. I need support right now. I have no reason to stay in Austin anymore. I made sure Leo and I were beyond reconciliation, and all of my other friends are soon to be cast from my life, so why bother staying? I hate it here. Hate with a capital Fuck YOU. So, and I say this to you... smell the rubber burning? Bye. If only it wasn't four months away. Shit. I'll just go on automatic pilot until then. No problem. I'm free.
Every time I look around.
People in my fucking face, talking to me, needing something from me... get the fuck away from me! Don't you fucking look at me! Whew. Watched "Blue Velvet" on New Year's and I still have some Frank on me. I've been renewing my love for the Sims. I spent a few hours on Sunday downloading a bunch of shit for the game. But now, I just want to abuse my liver.
Obligatory Resolution Entry.
I have one major resolution for 2001:
Stop unnecessary bitching. If I'm going to complain about something, it will be in the interest of getting something changed. Otherwise, I will keep it to myself. All other resolutions are bullshit. I might start exercising every other day more religiously. I've been rather slack lately, but I had a cold for two weeks, and then the cedar is starting to kick up down here. If there are other ways I want to improve myself for this year, they will come out through therapy. I can't believe I'm looking forward to being in therapy. It's kind of a strange feeling. I know that I will more than likely be medicated for quite a while, and since I know how I get when I'm off my meds (panicky and anxiety-ridden), I won't be off them any time soon. And that is okay, too. Once a person can learn to accept the things they can't change and that are out of their control, their life will inevitably be a lot easier.
I also want to increase my typing speed to 70 wpm. I think I'm at about 60 right now.
Kiss this ass goodbye.
It's only 3:30. Shit. Maybe I'll start drinking now.
I hope Leo wants to go to Chris' with me for the DVD sleepover party for New Year's, or else I won't have anyone to kiss when the clock strikes midnight. That will make me sad, but I understand why.
The new clique is up and running. I think it's funny. Only if you're over 21 can you join. I would prefer no one lie, too, but I know that that's just a dream. I really hate liars.
Wow.
I've sure been posting a whole lotta nothing tonight. I put together another ring/clique that will be going public tomorrow, as my last feat of the year 2000. Whatever. I'll probably get into trouble, but what do I care. Take it, it's yours.
By the way, this site is fucking wonderful. I don't plug other people's sites that often, only when I am taken aback by them. This one does that and then some.
What now?
Perhaps another game of Word Racer in Yahoo. That's the only thing that fucking search engine is good for: games.
- sigh -
If you've noticed, I made another clique. Now I'm off to make my Ringsurf clique. I'm unhappy. My parents are bugging the shit out of me.
Woo Hoo!
We're happy again. Now I can get back to work.
Still pissed and now hungry.
Since Stas.net works, I switched (temporarily) my links to my page, archives, and rings, but the cliques are my old cliques, and there are about 70% that aren't showing.
On a lighter note, there's a quote by Courtney Love in the February 2001 issue of YM magazine: she says that drugs are dumb. My mind was officially blown when I read that.
Still nothing.
When this shit happens, it makes me wonder if it is really worth it to have a site. You can't count on anything in this world anymore. I'm sure it will be back up soon, but really. There are a lot of people that they're pissing off, and I know this isn't the first time. I know shit happens that is beyond the control of those in charge. I just need to keep that in mind.
Pissed!
Damn it, I spent all that fucking time transferring all my shit to Envy, now it's down and Stas is back up. I am trying to get shit done, and now it's all screwed. I can not go bouncing in between hosts like this. This is bullshit. It is very disheartening.
Beer!
Yes.
I just finished making six graphic options for my next clique, and my host is not responding. Damn it. I think that is a sign. I also joined about another five cliques tonight. I wonder how many I can join before I go insane... ha.
I've been better.
I got another pre-approved credit card offer-- this one is for a gold Discover card with 1.9% APR until July, and a $10 credit for balance transfers. Rock! Do the credit shuffle...
I will be creating tonight. But the first order of business is hot & sour soup and Vietnamese coffee. Must refuel.
I must buy mass amounts of champagne for Sunday night. I'll buy some sickly-sweet Ballatore and some reasonably reasonable Frexinet or Korbel. That's what the working poor drink on New Year's. I would prefer Dom Perignon, but I'm not made of money. Someday, but not now.
* * *.
I have not been on since Christmas. After 12 straight hours, I think I needed a break. This weekend will be different. I am thinking about creating another clique, something truly unusual. It's all about visual overload.
I need to go back to work now.
The meeting.
I had my first therapy session today. It went well. I'm thinking about joining NA. I need to research my family's mental health history and my own childhood behavior. There's lots of progress to make. What do I want to get out of it? To feel un-broken. To not let the stupid shit get to me. My therapist looks like she's about 28, and she's a Ph.D. I like her. I have another session on January 24th. I like the fact that I can go after work. This is all good.
I need to learn how to make a form.
These will make you fat (and happy).
Ritz crackers
Peanut Butter (regular or Jif Chocolate Silk)
White Chocolate (melted, and a lot of it)
Make a bunch of peanut butter Ritz sandwiches (about 100-200 of them), dip them in the white chocolate. Refridgerate. Indulge, and wake up with a stomach-ache.
And two hours later...
... a clique is born. Damn it, that took forever! We'll see who bites.
addendum: Leo called. Everything is Kosher.
Ideas Bloom.
I am going to start a clique and call it "My ass is becoming __________ because I'm joining too many fucking cliques" and in the place of the blank, you put in the word:
FAT
BIG
NUMB
FLAT
SORE
My ass hurts. I'm going to make this clique right now while I still think it's a good idea.
Hoo-boy.
Too much coffee girl just added a button exchange for her site, and, for the first time in about six months, an email link. Time to go join more cliques! Time to do this and that! Time to expel some of this caffeine-driven energy!!
That's good shit!!
I just tried out my 32-ounce French Press. I used the Espresso Roast from Gevalia and boiled up the water in the nuke, measured the coffee and put it in the press, poured it in, pressed it down, and drank it from my new coffee-inspired mug. Very nice. Just me and my Pop watching Elvis movies and drinking coffee. Pretty good X-Mas. The older I get, the more unusual they become.
Damn, this is the only way to drink coffee.
Unknown.
I don't know if Leo is avoiding me or what, but I will wish him Merry Christmas here because it doesn't seem like he is going to call.
Finished again.
All the photos are up. I made a list and checked it twice so there should not be any broken photos. I only have a few links on the whole site, so that isn't a problem. I'm glad this is all over with. The site can now be accessed with no "404" bullshit.
Now I don't feel so bad anymore.
The girl pages are the most entertaining.
Progress before nappy-time.
I have put the site on Envy, as I've said, but none of the pictures are going to show up until tomorrow... or sometime this week. I just don't like it being totally absent. The words are there, and they are the most important aspect. The photos and other things are pure fluff. I will be productive! Maybe.
Feh Humbug.
Life is short
Times are hard
Here's your fucking christmas card.
My parents and I went to Becky & Fel's Christmas party tonight. They throw the best parties. Lotsa food, good liquor, oh yeah. But vodka & club soda? Do they mix? ICK! Stayed there for about an hour, I had to drive the Lincoln home (Mark VIII) because my dad spiked the Wassal (sp). Got home and opened gifts-- I got my French Press, so I'm happy. Dad got a bottle of champagne-based Grand Marnier, so tomorrow morning will be a nice eye-opening morning. I bought Mom four out of a five-series of toys from Star Trek, and for Dad I bought a 3-D magnetic building toy. He needs more 3-D stimulation in his life aside from AutoCAD. Indy looked so upset that we didn't have anything for her, but she did enjoy the ribbons and enpty bags. I should have bought the lizards for her. It was a good night, but I am also two shots of codeine cough medicine to the wind. Now it's time for X-Files and bed. Good night everyone.
Let's have a Pity Party!!
Fuck. I really ought to stop looking at the blogs on Blogger-- I go there for inspiration and I come away with more depression than usual. Will I ever be that good, and what for? Why am I even on the computer right now? Writing now seems so phony, but then again, this IS my journal. All I can think about these days is getting drunk and going to sleep. A good thing? No.
Whew!
In the process of moving the site. I'm about 40% finished. This sucks. Life sucks. A lot of my life is in the shitter right now. That's all.
Ta-da.
I finally have Leo's presents. I hope he likes them. He'll get them tomorrow evening. Meanwhile, it's time for a nap.
The Ugly Truth.
The older you get, the more fucked your family life gets.
I do NOT want to go to San Antonio to my grandmother's house (PGM) because it will be nothing but listening to her backstab other members of my dad's side of the family, and then listen to my dad counter with telling his mother how it really is and she does not listen... blah blah fucking prattling BLAH! Fuck! I'm old enough to know what I don't want. I do not want to move to SLC because I don't want to watch my maternal grandmother wither away right in front of me. If I really needed them, my dad's side of the family would not lend a helping hand. I don't even think they would piss on me if I was on fire. Family is important, huh? Bullshit. When is family important? Fuck all that.
I'm horking up yellow stringy things. I love me some cough medicine with codeine long time. My mom and dad have been sick for about 6 weeks and got a prescription for cough medicine with codeine and they were near finishing one bottle, I took a teaspoonful and my mom killed the rest of the bottle-- up-ended it and swallowed the rest. That was funny to watch. That stuff tastes like shit. Leo called the other day and made fun of my voice. Then I sounded like Kathleen Turner. Now I sound like Kathleen Turner with a head cold. Not as sexy. This weekend, I shall be transferring Sannhet to its home on Envy, wrapping shit, and drinking codeine with Cape Cod chasers. Now I'm off to design backgrounds. New hobby. Maybe I'll branch out.
One hot minute, come and get it.
Oh Ant'ny. I think the Internet is tired. Cable modems are supposed to be instant, right? I've had mine since at least September and 5% loading..... 5% loading.....
Load this, motherfucker.
I think I'll go on a walkabout, and find out what it's all about. Either that or it's time for a Cape Cod. There's Vitamin C in that!
* vitamin V is more like it *
Fuck everything.
Again. I'm dehydrated because of all of the Sudafed I've taken, but my nose is still running and clogged up, Envy is not opening so I can't edit anything, and all of this just cuts away at my already short fuse. Having dry lips is annoying and no amount of lip balm helps. Fuck the world, man.
R-O-L-A-I-D-S.
Oh, yeah.
Hmmm... sure feels like shit!
I'm having the PND, unproductive cough, headache, and sinus pressure. Sucks to be me. Plus, I am being a bitch to my ally at work-- "I know it sucks, I don't want any sympathy." Damn, damn, damn.
Looks like I will have to move to Envy if I want my site to be seen. I like my current host, but they've been down since Sunday and I just can't deal with that. I need something more reliable. Growl. I could have one on Stas.net and one on Envy.nu, just to be on the safe side. I wonder if that would work. I wish I could be my own host, but that just sounds dirty.
Tune in later to see if my stalker returns. Stupid bitch.
What is this world coming to.
I was on my way back to work today after lunch, and I'm heading down the street when this BITCH comes up behind me and is on my ass. You know how close someone is when they're on your ass. C-L-O-S-E. So close, that if they aren't paying attention, they go directly up your ass. So I counter in a way I have done for years, put my brakes on and give her a little wake up call. Evidently, she didn't like that because she followed me to the parking lot of work and gave me skunk eye. There was no way I was leaving my car and going into the building until she was gone. I walked over to her car and asked her if she needed any help. Here's what transpired:
Me: Can I help you?
Bitch: I didn't appreciate what you did back there.
Me: I didn't appreciate you on my ass like that.
Bitch: I wasn't on your ass.
At this point, I notice she has a small child in her backseat in a car seat. Thanks, Mom! You're fucking crazy!
Bitch: I'm gonna get you, bitch.
Me: I take down her license plate and go into work, clock in, and call the police. And I'm the bitch. I should receive a call from a detective some time this week. She has no case. I'm not worried.
what I want more than anything in the world right now:
A Bass.
Damn it.
I hate it when my site disappears.
The pain begins.
I had my first sore throat of the season. Looks like I'm in for two weeks of post-nasal drip and absolute burning hell in my throat. At least I now have a legitimate reason to be a total bitch to everyone.
I found out today that some jack-ass wants to buy my domain from me, my "www.arthurscousin.com". He called my house looking for me, but I wasn't home from work-- he should call back tonight. I'm not a sell-out, I've had that name for well over eight years now, and it is very personal to me (Arthur's Cousin, that is). I'm not going to give it up to someone for no good reason... and nothing less than six figures. Girl's gotta eat, gotta pay off the Caddy, and have a few years to not work, go back to school, and have some harmless fun. We'll see what happens. Should be interesting.
Leo and I went to Best Buy again to look around, and he got the sweetest deal on a brand new 19" color television (a Samsung, too-- not a Panaphonics or Magnetbox). It was marked down to $109.00 because of a crack in the plastic casing (whatever it's called), and he talked them down to $60 plus $30 for a 4-year warranty (I believe that was the deal), but when it was time to check out, he got it for $53 and change (but no warranty). Best Buy is the way to go. Then we went to Serranos and had an amazing dinner. I love Serranos. It was all good. I just wish I didn't have this throat problem. I'm going to try his remedy of taking an aspirin to see if that will help. Couldn't hurt... unless I drink tonight, which I'm not.
Forgot to mention how much fun I had at Tron on Saturday. Chris and I were already two Bass to the wind (I now drink Bass, because that is what Hunter S. Thompson drinks) when Steve and Chip arrived, and then we got more rambunctious as the movie played out. We were hurling Lebowski lines at the screen, and we even got shushed by our waiter! Bitch! It was fun. I wanted to go see the new Coen Brothers movie with Chris, Chip, and Steve on Friday, but I can't take off from work. I can't really even afford to get sick or take off any unscheduled time because it will affect my raise come April. Feh.
Subtle sexual innuendo used in Listerine ad or the story of my life?
"Don't let a good mouth go bad."
I am pissed that the Brad Pitt diary at Diaryland is now gone, including a very extensive archive section. That was some funny shit and now the lawyers got involved... feh. I need to get in the shower. I still haven't eaten that root beer popsicle.
Ouch, baby!
This is me if I were a mermaid. Stunning.
