SISTIC
Click on Tickets for Leisure and scroll till the end..you'll see it...
Monday, Nov 18, 2002
10.00am :
It was a never-ending hiatus since I graduated from polytechnic. Being with loved ones and friends is the apogee of my life. With a diploma in mass communication in hand, I was looking forward to land up doing something I really, really enjoy and interested in. The thought of stepping into the working world scares me but at the same time, it excites me. I’m thirsty for new adventures and challenges even though sometimes, at the back of my mind I want to stay in school forever. I do fear that going out to work will be my bête-noir throughout life.
But this is LIFE. Life is so full of stages since the day you were born. I’ve tasted the sweetness and bitterness of the working world when I did part-time jobs during school vacations. I met a lot of people along the way, made new friends and gained experiences. Experiences are so sacred. They should be treasured and kept away nicely in the comfort of your mind and heart.
Human beings are unique and fascinating. Different characteristics and personalities engulf the human race. I tend to ask lots of questions sometimes, questions whose answers lie in Him. There are so many ways to describe life, so many interpretations and opinions. The diversity is so great. But, too many profound thoughts can be disastrous.
Here I am, sitting, recalling back. Human beings are too occupied with everything. Chagrin is eschewed. They are too chary about themselves. But at the end of day, it was all God’s will and gift. Since the days of Adam and Eve, it has been too seriatim. Brilliant ideas, inventions, nature etc, it has always been His works.
What have I achieved so far? We heard of “Life is once, make the fullest of it!” We race to the best finishing line. Too many tracks to choose from. We are equipped with the ability of making decisions to gain a fruitful, victorious or perhaps pecuniary end. Reaching the best finishing line has always been cultured in us, ever since we are born. We are trained since then to prepare and ameliorate ourselves for the long race. While some barriers are ineluctable, we will be racing all our life, be it slow or fast. Some give up and some pull through.
Human beings stand ground on their religions. Religion is like a trampoline. It bounced you back to life when you are falling. But if you fall off the circumference, you will have an uncomfortable or maybe painful fall. Proper usage of the trampoline will elevate you to a smoother bounce but misuse of it will be otherwise.
To be in someone else’s life is my wish. Do he or she feel the same way that I do? What do they actually think of this and that? What do he or she feels about life? What are his or her beliefs, wants, need, desires and dreams? How does he or she lead life? It will lead to a never-ending confusion and curiosity in me.
hhhmmmm...kinda lengthy huh..well..its just a thought :)
Monday, Nov 18, 2002
9.17am :
had a busy weekend.finally got all the stuff from IKEA.i was there with my eldest sis.B couldnt make it.thank god the whole family did not come along.spent the whole day yesterday, springcleaning my room, getting all the stuff on my shelves organised then helped my bro-in-law fixed the new tv bench and mum's wardrobe.i vomitted after breaking fast.dunno why, but felt kinda nauseus.
i just realised dat i've not been to movies for a long time.hhmmm...
Saturday, Nov 16, 2002
9.15am :
i'm going to IKEA later,after werk to get all the stuff.guess i'm going to meet up the whole family there. most of the times, i like to go shopping alone or wif B but going out with the whole family can be a nice outing and sumtimes,an unpleasant one. both my sisters are married but sumtimes, let me tell you, they irritate the hell out of me. they are ignorant and selfish.
this ramadan proved to be a huge challenge for me.PATIENCE is the word. every single day since day 1 of ramadan, my sisters and their husbands came over my place to break fast.yea,i'm happily staying with my parents but thanks to them, it's not rosy everyday.i mean its a good thing for all of us to gather and break fast together and all but my mum is my biggest concern. i feel that these people, who are supposedly matured grown-ups, are taking my parents especially my mum for granted.they dun seem to appreciate my mum. jus imagine this, my mum,a housewife, age 57, gotta take care of a house, a rather temperamental husband,a 21 yr old daughter, 2 hyperactive grandsons and has to cook for the whole family every single day without fail. my sisters dun bother to help out in the kitchen.at the end of the day,when they made their way home, my mum stuck in the kitchen, doing all the chores.of coz,i gotta help out.its not that i'm complaining or whatsoever. i dun mind doing the chores but i'm mad at my sisters.i did talk to my mum about it but in the end,she'll said that its her fault.i dun want her to feel that way.its unfair.thats why sumtimes,i rather not break fast at home.i dun want face my sisters and today, if they are joining me at IKEA, i kinda know what to expect from them, always. well, PATIENCE is the word...
Saturday, Nov 16, 2002
8.55am :
i had a rough day yesterday and i missed the lomo wonderland thingy at esplanade.damn it...
Friday, Nov 15, 2002
9.00am :
i woke up this morning, feeling reluctant to go to work (most of the time actually but today was the the extreme).
did i mention that for the past 2 weeks or so, i had absolutely nothing to do at work. i spent my time surfing, checking out weblogs of others, playing the ever so boring gay killer game (yea, finally i'm getting sick of it),feeding zari's fishes and walking arnd,intruding other people's offices.i dun see the point of me dragging myself out of bed every morning, making my way to work when there's nothing to look forward to."eh good wat..nothing to do but you're being paid"..that is true sumtimes but after a while, it gets to you. i need a dose of stress,some challenges. can't remember when was the last time i was so stressed out over work or deadlines. i guess thats why i miss school. i miss all the pressure and stress of getting your assignments done by the deadlines.i work well under pressure.that is one of my greatest strengths.but i'm kinda worried..i'm already in this "slacker mood", i'm worried i may not be able to get myself out of it when the times require me to be productive. *sigh*
Thursday, Nov 14, 2002
5.10pm :
you came to me, unexpected but i welcome you with an open heart.you regard me too highly.you even call me your fairy.i'm honoured but its all too much for me. but i tried to be best fren i can be to you. but suddenly, you just disappeared like you never exist in my life. i dunno why.you never tell me why.its not my fault to feel like you've taken me for granted.felt ditched by a good fren.you gave me high hopes but now..i think we can dismiss all that.this fairy of yours just felt like she just being thrown into a dungeon full of trolls,devils and watever not. you told me not to judge you. well, i'm not. if you think i am, then why dun u bother to explain so that i wont keep judging you.if things meant to be this way, this way it shall be.but i noe i dun feel good.hopefully, it will go away sooner or later.
Thursday, Nov 14, 2002
9.20am :
i feel so empty.....
Wednesday, Nov 13, 2002
2.37pm :
got my pay yesterday.it means that i get head down to IKEA soon to get da stuff.
felt so shitty yesterday.i'm in those situations where suddenly my mind was clogged up with so many thoughts...
it all started when i made my mind of dismissing the idea of going to Aust.of coz i would love to go but thats where the financial aspect comes in.was telling B about my decision last night. he told me to think it over thoroughly.
i told him that sumtimes the world is kinda unfair.sumtimes its all about money.we are always being encouraged to upgrade and improve ourselves but i think education is expensive. as we all know those rich fuckers out there can always afford anything and that include education.they go one for further studies,earn good qualifications, get good jobs, are being paid well and of coz, at the end of the day, they just got richer. but what about those who are under privileged? i'm not saying all these juz because i want to make myself feel better but its just a thought. sumtimes i read the papers where they feature people who made it despite all the hardships and barriers. it juz got me thinking...how many of these people are out there? Many are still suffering. Maybe it's the lifestyle here in Singapore, the way we being brought up, our mentality...Maybe....maybe not..
Monday, Nov 11, 2002
10.17pm :
i spent the whole weekend at home,doing i dunno what. planning to have a productive weekend but it didnt turn out to be that way. sigh... regrets...
Saturday, Nov 9, 2002
12.35pm :
yesterday was a special day.
went to IDPEA wif matno to do my application but reached there arnd 12 and it was lunch time. thanks to matno...he was late as usual.i took the application form and need to go back one of these days to meet up with a counsellor. what a hassle..then met B at 2 and we went to Mambo Billiards @ Lucky Plaza for a pool game. we were there for 3 hours. we decided to do indian for breaking fast, north indian to be precise. so after playing pool, we made our way down to little india. B was busy contacting Rafiq to ask where is the best place to have north indian cuisine. Rafiq recommended Taj's Cuisine but it was in Chinatown. After surveying the many restaurants in Little India, we finally set our eyes on Khansama Tandoori. We had a mix bread basket which is made up of Plain Naan, Chappati, Keema Naan & Butter Naan. We also has Tandoori chicken, keema matar and malai kofta. Malai Kofta (mashed potatoes balls with cottage cheese sauce) was super excellent! delicious. potatoes and cheese..superb combination. i was so freaking full after that but it was worthy. i prefer North Indian cuisine, more authentic i guess. so wanted to get myself jelebi and milk beda but was too full. maybe next time...
i think i shall spend the weekend to myself. dun feel like going anywhere. my migraine is becoming bad to worse. damn it...
Thursday, Nov 7, 2002
12.50pm :
i keep having headaches..i dunno why...
Wednesday, Nov 6, 2002
8.55am :
first day of the fasting month.
i had a major headache on the way home from werk yesterday. i dunno why but suddenly my head was aching and felt like puking.i can feel myself swaying from side to side while walking. i reached home, took a nice shower and cooped up in my room, reading irvine welsh's 'Glue'. then the headache got worse. i closed my eyes and fell asleep.it was 9pm, pretty early huh. was woken up by B's call. he just came back from soccer.i looked at my watch and it was 11.30. talked to him for a while. he didnt hav a good day.
went back to sleep.....my bed has never felt so comfy.
Tuesday, Nov 5, 2002
11.55am :
i came upon several people's weblogs.i envy these people. their weblogs, homepages are so cool. i envy these people who possessed web design knowledge, animation and stuff like that.my multimedia lecturer back in poly was such a disappointment, that pervert. all he is capable of is downloading software and whatever not from the net. the only thing that came out from his mouth is "gimme a minute, i'm downloading this and that," thinking back, i should have gained sumthing from that class, but no... damn that asshole. i wonder where is he now after his dismissal from ngee ann.complaints from students, sexual charges.. thats the end of Ian Creighton (i think thats how you spell his family name)...i dun care anyway.
Tuesday, Nov 5, 2002
9.50am :
the wedding went on smoothly. i took lots of pictures. i hope they turn out ok.
da deepavali holiday did me good. i went out wif B, had a good date, lots of laughter and jokes. been a long time since we had a good date. it wasnt a tiring day and i felt good. fasting month begins tomoro. kinda looking forward to it, trying to mend my ways and stuff like that. i hope it's a beginning for me and it doesnt just stop once the month is over. i was being fickle-minded again yesterday. i told B that i want to be a caterer or a chef. he just laughed at me, knowing that i'm always being indecisive. i was kind inspired by Jamie Oliver. maybe i should just go to some culinary institute or sumthing like that. then he told me that sooner or later i have to make up my mind. its true. sooner or later i have to make up my mind.
nowadays, sleeping is sumthing i always look forward to. my room is kinda inviting. i mean no makeover or whatsoever, but i just like being in my room. probably, because it is cleaner and everything is neat and tidy.my bed has never felt so comfy, my pillows...mmmmmm.....it feels nice every night to wrap myself with the comforter.the temperature during the nights is cool, not like some nights where it used to be so freaking hot and humid..mmmm...i want my bed.
Sunday, Nov 3, 2002
6.22pm :
so the wedding is over. it was a long, boring hot day. i felt so sticky and dirty. well, at least i'm the photographer. that means i dun have to help serving guests and stuff like that. thank god. like i mentioned before, i dun feel like communicating with anybody but well, all my cousins, families and realtives are there. so i had to mingle. well, kinda a good opportunity as well to meet up with my cousins and relatives who i have not met for quite some time. the little boys and girls that i once knew are all grown up now. it's a funny feeling.i felt old.
i'm restless. you're not helping by rubbing salt to the wound. why must it always be me? i really need to be alone.i just want to scream at the top of my lungs.
Saturday, Nov 2, 2002
5.28pm :
it feels weird to be at home on a Saturday, well at least for me. well, i said i'm gonna be busy this weekend coz of my cousin's wedding but..here i am with nothing to do..well, kinda springcleaned the house and my room a bit.i guess i will only be busy tonite and tomorrow. tonite theres maharban going on and my cousin wants me to take pictures. tomorrow is the reception, double busy..i am totally not in the mood for all these. my sis was super irritating..my mum is so naggy and moody. B? forget about him, never heard anything from him.
sumtimes, i feel the more grown up i am, the lesser i want to communicate with people. i need time for myself.i guess i've devoted most of the time to others that i neglected myself. i want to be alone, far away from everybody so that i can indulge in meself, doing the things that i love. last night was an example. i felt good to be by myself, out there with no one telling me what to do or where to go.well, i guess my social life is kinda hectic. time management..dates with friends, lots of them, dates with B, dates with families...sigh...there are times when i felt so tired, so weak and all i want to do is lie in my bed and fall into dreamland. the more grown i am, more responsibilities...work life, love life, plans, future..
arrrggghhh!! i'm thinking too much. gosh i dun even have my own family!!!!! GOSH!! i really do want to go to Aust, live on my own but then again. matno has raised my self-esteem to go to Aust again. he's kinda back in my life again after MIA for so long. two days back, a thought or rather a plan came up. i decided to save money and once i have enuff, off i go, backpacking then come back, start all over again and off i go again. i noe some ppl who do that. singapore is becoming too crowded, too many people in such a tiny place. i'm beginnin to avoid crowded places. its not that i'm anti-social or planning to be a hermit but i just need to get away from all of it.its too depressing, suffocating.
Saturday, Nov 2, 2002
9.45am :
so i went to the esplanade for the first time since its opening to take pictures.matno, siti, fadz & noi were there with me for a while then off they went. so i was all alone at the esplanade. there was this so called gamelan performance from i dunno where and i saw thomas!!!! then i remembered hakim telling me about thomas, performing at the esplanade. so i reckon the group is from NUS as Thomas is doing his Masters on Asian Studies or sumthing like that. he's also into playing all those ethnic, asian musical instruments and all. i wanted to say hi after the show but he was kinda busy. so i didnt. instead i went arnd, taking pictures, met zaihan who is doing sales there now. he said the pay is so much better. he was werking at borders previously. i think esplanade is still in its 'grand opening' mood. there are outdoor performances, people walking on stilts and all that stuff. but it was kinda crowded and the weather was so humid...i went home, a happy bunny.gonna be busy this weekend, my cousin's wedding..i'm not looking forward to it...i need to be alone....
Friday, Nov 1, 2002
3.25pm :
i'm so bored. my fingers are aching from playing the gay killer game. i need to finish up my t-max 100 film by tomorrow.i shall go to city hall after work later. i love that place, kinda nostalgic. i love watching the bumboats. i wanna check the sculpture by the s'pore river. the sculpture of boys jumping into the river.kinda cool.actually i wanted to go to little india but i reckon its gonna be crowded, with deepavali just around the corner. i saw the deco though the last time i was there, accompanying my sis, punjabi hunting. i like the deco, they have these lantern look alikes, hanging, all along the stretch of little india. very nice... but i didnt get myself jelebi and milk beda from komala's sweet & savouries. damn it...
did i mention how plain and pathetic my pita is? sigh...
siti just told me that she wanted to resign by end of this year.everybody is leaving. the guys whom i hang out wif are ORDing soon too. damn it.if they go, i'm all alone. they are the ones that keep this place alive...sigh..i dunno when i'm leaving for aust.2003 or 2004? aaaaaaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhhh
too many things lingering in my head. whenever i have nothing to do or whenever i'm not occupied with anything, i become restless and start to think, think and think. so many plans, yet i dunno where to start, how? The "My life is boring, so stagnant" feeling is beginning to get comfy in me and i hate that. shooo..go,go,go away.....
Friday, Nov 1, 2002
9:15am :
i'm still sick!!!
i just checked out dewi's pita. she has new design. i like it so much. it is so cool.comparing hers to mine, mine looked minimal and boring. mine is all words and words. i dun even have a freaking picture or graphic or whatsoever. i'm such a dumbass when it comes to web design and stuff like that. i'm so jealous.
my heas is hurting and my throat!!! oh my god!!
da fat bitch is back.. damn it
