Tuesday, Dec 31, 2002 8.50am :
so i actually 'met' zee without me knowing it and she was juz standing right in front of me!! it was her allright.hehehe..now we can say hi to each other if we bump into each other ya.. :)

Monday, Dec 30, 2002 9.15am :
missed Versus 2 yesterday..accompanied B to settle his mobile plan and stuff...It was a Sunday and it seemed that almost everybody was out of their homes and they dun seemed to leave their bad habits, fucked up attitudes at home.went to west mall for a while to pay M1 customer service centre a visit.A crowd was already formed right outside the M1 store.They seemed to have their eyes fixed on sumthing.There was a young Chinese man,body full of tattoo lying down right in the middle of the entrance, eyes closed and his hands were like reaching for sumthing.Mayb he was drunk or sumthing.Paramedics arrived soon after..The crowd was still there,nobody budged..typical....we headed down to Jurong Point to have an early dinner.Boon Lay Mrt station was filled with foreign workers.some sat in small groups along the walkways,some were hogging the public phones,some were waiting for friends to make a trip downtown.I wanted to get the hifi at the V8 store in Bugis.It was rather a long journey.managed to snap some pics with my LCA, along the way.particularly love this shot of B,the sun rays were on his face.i hope it will turn out good.On the train, i love to people watch.rather interesting..By the time the train reached Bugis, the train was totally filled with foreign workers,mostly Bangladeshis.Then this particularly one was a really a nightmare.A huge crowd was alighting and boarding at Bugis and he had to stand in the middle of the doorway, refusing to budge! The crowd at Bugis did not help either.On the way back home, this guy just had to squeeze his way through between me and B, of course no excuse mes... The 969 queue at Tamp int was frustratin and the woman just had to shout "Excuse me!" right in my ears.Its like as if it was my fault that the queue was damn long and it had to stretched out into your walking space..btw, i tot i saw zee..but not sure whether that was her...eeerrmm what a sunday..

Saturday, Dec 28, 2002 9.40am :
on the way to work this morning, i was told that 2 police officers died in an accident last night at tanah merah. One is a regular and the other is a PNSF.Apparently,the driver tried to avoid a lorry, lost control and plunged into the huge drain nearby.Their names will soon be added to the namelist of officers who died on duty.The namelist is mounted on a huge board and placed at the heritage centre over at Police HQ at Irrawardy Rd. I saw the board before and was reading thru each and every name on the list.came upon a name which was so familiar,Cpl Mirza Abdul Halim...he was one of my distant relative. He was shot while chasing a criminal.That was in 1989.I was 8 and could vaguely remembered the ordeal and trauma each and every of us had to go through upon receiving the bad news.He died in coma.We observed a minute silence in remembrance of the 2 officers during mass callesthenics this morning.

Friday, Dec 27, 2002 10.00am :
I heard she's coming along.i dunno how to react to that.is it a good or bad thing that she's coming?suddenly, i'm not looking forward to it.suddenly, all my hopes were crushed into pieces and i dun think i would want to try putting them back together.oh well...why am i feeling this way? why does it bother me so much? tried to snap out of it but it keeps lingering in me. am i making things so complicated? you shouldnt have come into my life in the first place.i wish i hadnt known you.you're making me crazy.the past kept haunting me.every now and then i do think about all the stuff we went through together.will the memories just fade away with time? i dunno what do you feel about all these.probably you dun give a damn at all.probably,its just me, my stupid thoughts, my paranoia.

Thursday, Dec 26, 2002 9.25am :
i was lost for words when i knew that i got to see you after for so long.at the same time,i was restless coz i knew she's gonna be there.i couldnt help feeling the way i feel everytime i see your face.i dont know why.it was totally weird, especially with her presence.i hate it when you look me in the eye, i hate it when you crack a joke to make me laugh coz it's all so hard for me.i pretend that nothing really did happen,like i never know you at all.Pretentious i can be but at the back of my mind,i'm still reminded of the things we went through. You asked me before if i believe in soulmates.well,i did back then but now i'm not too sure.Well, at least now you can smile broadly.No more sleepless nights.Her love and affection are all you need.Thats nice isnt it? I dunno why i'm feeling this way.Maybe i'm juz being too emotional,over reacting..when actually theres nothing to bother at all.

Tuesday, Dec 24, 2002 9.50am :
last night,i was in town, accompanying najib to get a christmas gift for mariam's fren.town was packed with shoppers doing their last minute christmas shopping, families taking pictures, with the well-decorated shopping malls or the lighted stretch of Orchard Rd as backgrounds and a common sight,typical singaporeans just strolling away in the streets,just to be part of the pre-christmas madness. had a late dinner at cuppage,bumped into wan and sab. we chatted for a while,the usual hows,whats and wheres....Wan is ORDing soon..sab is still teaching.they are performing this Sunday at Versus 2, at the substation.love to be there..been a long time since i catch them in action.
so i'm going to Genting/KL in Jan, along with almost everybody in PA.We are having our D&D there.Gonna make a fool of myself while i'm there coz i gotta perform, together with my colleagues.We are doing a dance item ala Grease.Reluctant, i was in the beginnning (well, i am still) but Siti, i'm doing this for you coz there's no participation from the other gals, its either they just cant be bothered or just too shy..i dun mind performing but the audience? yikes!! and now i have a burden on my shoulders, gonna be busy, choreographing and putting things together..well,hope it will turn out good. sigh...

Monday, Dec 23, 2002 2.35pm :
Nora and family left for Sydney yesterday morning.Nazree woke up just before their departure.Everybody was saying goodbyes,exchanging hugs and farewell messages.Everybody just had to give him a peck or two.All he could was to give a blur face.He was a really good baby.I still remembered when he first arrived in sg about 3 weeks back.He was fast asleep but soon woke up to all the commotion around him.We were practically all over him, each one of us got the chance to carry him and the best part, he didnt even cry or even make a single noise.You know, there are some babies who would just burst out crying when they saw unfamiliar faces or when a stranger carries them.Nazree hardly cries and when he does,gotta put him his mum's arms..he's hungry..Nora has been breastfeeding him since birth. I dun think Nora would want to exchange her milk for any milk formulas out there.She's kinda choosy almost about anything.Thanks to the influences she got from her religious teachers and whoever back in Sydney.Sometimes, she's just too extreme.It's hard.I shall not elaborate further.I'll see you soon, Nazree..

Saturday, Dec 22, 2002 12.20am :
spent the whole afternoon, checking out hi-fi sets and digi cam at bugis and sim lim square.most probably getting this aiwa hi-fi which costs abt 139 bucks..best deal so far... after that,met up with nan,huda & fiza at tamp, nad joined us later coz she and fiza are spending the nite together,girls'nite out kinda thing..i wish i could join them but gotta wake up early tomorrow..gonna send nora and family off 1st thing in the morning...
we started to talk about blogging and all.fiza and huda were like so interested in it.i hope they'll start blogging too.it's fun, so addictive...hehehehe...

Friday, Dec 20, 2002 8.30pm :
Had our so called last dinner cum gathering cum mum's bday celebration wth Nora and family last night.They are going back to Sydney on Sunday.took some pictures..gonna miss Nazree..he is so lovable, love to see him move his little body to any tunes he heard.I think he is fond of music.

Friday, Dec 20, 2002 7.30pm :
was on course for past 3 days and all the while was restless for not being able to blog.hehehe.am i addicted? well, nan said blogging is addictive. hehehe.
watched LOTR:The 2 Towers on Wednesday, at Bugis.bad,bad experience.the show was interrupted by some technical glitches, not once, not twice but thrice!you could tell that the audience was so into the movie when suddenly, the screen went blank and all the lights were turned on! yes, this actually happened thrice.B and i were swearing our heads off. Is, you watched the movie earlier..did anything like this happen? i was so pissed off...anyway, the movie was good.i couldnt bear to watch the war scene..suddenly i got so scared, was squeezing B's hand all the way.he gave me this "what the hell is wrong with you? it's just a war between good and evil" look. lets go and watch it again baby...
for me, hari raya is officially over. but i am still getting invitations to hari raya outings,gatherings and whatnots and of coz still receiving guests. thats really nice of you people, thank you.recalling back,it was a really a nice and heartfelt experience.young and old...times really passed so fast, things changed, people changed.only 1 thing i really dread, the questions people threw at me..."What are you doing now? When are you getting married?" Typical questions you got everytime from the aunties and uncles.i had to explain countless of times that i'm a civilian who happens to work in the police force.i'm not a policewoman!! then they will continue questioning "i thought you have a dip in mass comm? why police? again, i've to structure my answer,trying to explain to them that times are bad and that i'm fucking desperate. after all that explanation, all i got was this "oh ok...i'm not impressed" look or they were just acknowledging everything i've said,with no understanding or whatsoever.well, i was bumming for 7 months after my graduation,times were bad its still now), got the job offer and i accepted it.i hate my job but what the heck.its better than nothing.

Tuesday, Dec 17, 2002 9.30am :
sumthing is wrong wif my page....
anyways, had a nice dream last night and scott speedman was in it...nice..i was in the US and he was spending every single minute before i went back to sg..hehehehe i wish it's true...nice but funny dream..
watching LOTR:The 2 Towers tomorrow with B and friends.can't hardly wait...expecting lots of comments from B coz he had read all 3 stories of LOTR.like the first one, he commented that the director and producer had left out numerous stuff and there's a change of story line....well darling, if the director and producer were to take every single bits from the book to the movies...it will take forever to screen....i wish i can get that LOTR sword for you, baby...

Monday, Dec 16, 2002 10.50am :
maybe i shall not get the printer first...lets wait if the proposal is accepted.
Monday, Dec 16, 2002 10.10am :
i was just surfing thru Canon's website.
so tempted to get a digital camera and a direct photo printer but at the same time, cant afford to burn a hole in my pocket.the cost of Powershot A200 and direct photo printer CP 100 sum up to about 700 bucks.maybe i shall head down to Funan tomorrow to check them out.btw,how much does it cost to print these digi pics at the photoshops out there? Any recommedations and suggestions? Are there any cheaper digital cameras out there?

Monday, Dec 16, 2002 9.10am :
the outing yesterday was a jolly one.this time round, no 30 seater coach or minibus..we opted for a rather small van and a car as the group was smaller, which is kinda good coz we get to interact more with each other.of coz had too much food.the begedil and popiah over at ana's were superb.i love the melon tea over at nan's.at the end of the day, we all agreed that Huda is indeed the clown of the day. Zany is the word to describe her.it had been a tiring but fun and meaningful weekend.
btw, the laohan craze is really getting into most people.almost every single house i visited has at least 1 laohan,swimming viciously in rather plain,uninteresting aquariums...

Sunday, Dec 15, 2002 5.27pm :
i'm at nan's place now. hari raya outing.....

Saturday, Dec 14, 2002 11.10am :
Suede is coming to town.Tixs is selling at $76.Check it out at SISTIC

Saturday, Dec 14, 2002 10.30am :
recently,i've been having this urge of going away, alone.the pull gets stronger each day.i need to be with myself,pamper myself and not worry about anything at all.i felt that i've devoted too much time for others, so much so that i've forgotten to love myself.i've been trying so hard to make others happy.btw,i'm not bragging.seeing the smiles on their faces really brighten my days.someone told me before that perhaps i was destined to help others.how true the statement is, i'm not sure.with me going away doesnt mean i'm chickening out or a coward, running away from problems and whatnots but i need a break but you know i'll always be there if you need me. i hunger for new experiences,new environment and perhaps a new life.

Saturday, Dec 14, 2002 9.15am :
So is it goodbye?Is it time to set you free?Is it time to let it fly? Is it time to let it bleed?
We used to take turns to cover up the pain.Deep below it burns and the feeling still remains.
You gotta find someone new,i really hope you do coz i love you.The sun will come on through and its gonna shine for you coz i adore you.
yes we gave it a try,maybe far too long,out of every sorrow.another day will dawn.
You gotta find someone new,i really hope you do coz i love you.The sun will come on through and its gonna shine for you coz i adore you
and the road travels on but i'm still near you,and in my life, like song, i will still hear you, still.
Someone New By Eskobar featuring Heather Nova
I love this song.been singing it over and over again, the only difference now, i'm singing it for somebody.

Wednesday, Dec 11, 2002 10.15am:
things had been rough for the past 2 days.i was totally in a mode of depression.tears were my companion and i thought i was going to die.i couldnt breathe and my chest hurt real bad.took mc yesterday..dun feel like going to work anyway.i got agitated easily and everything seemed to be so wrong.i tried to snap out of it but only for a while.i'm sorry to those who were there with me, witnessing the ugly side of me.i'm so sorry.you know i'm not like that.

Monday, Dec 9, 2002 11.30am:
i'm taking half day leave today. REASON:i'm freaking lazy..
i missed Baybeats at the Esplanade over the weekend. heard that it was good.i miss going to gigs, watching and listening to our local acts.damn...

Monday, Dec 9, 2002 9.10am :
back to work sigh...
well, what can i say...had a very busy and tiring weekend. 1st day of hari raya was spent at B's mak long's.His paternal grandparents decided to celebrate hari raya there this year.both my paternal and maternal grandparents had long passed away.well, at least, i have B's grandparents to visit coz i never had the experience of going over to grandparents' on the 1st day of raya. i've never visited B's maternal grandparents before, even though B's mum keep insisting that i come along coz every year, they ask the same question "Mane kawannye Mohamed? asal tak ajak datang sekali?" eeerrr...i'm closer to B's paternal family, never met anyone from the maternal side, maybe next yr..or years to come.anyway, in the midst of all that hari raya celebration,something really disgusted me.
second day, was out, visiting relatives with the whole family.thank god for the minibus...
third day was super busy.Relatives and friends came non-stop, one after another.it was fun though.got to catch up with cousins and relatives whom i've not met for ages.the night was spent over at atim's open house cum farewell gathering.(he's leaving for tekong on tuesday), finally.....
i wish i have a digital camera..... :(

Thursday, Dec 4, 2002 8.45am :
Hari Raya is tomorrow and the house is still in a mess!! we always try to put everything together at the very last minute..every year..sigh...
matno called me last night but i was too tired and sleepy to talk. nice to hear from him though.long mc...poor boy, all bored at home..i'm glad you're getting better.hopefully i see ya next week.miss ya a lot..
think i shall head down to bugis after work today to get shoes..hehehe..

Tuesday, Dec 3, 2002 9.40am :
woke up this morning, feeling so lethargic.i think i didnt have a good sleep. my mind was awake and alert.i hate to be in that situation.my head hurts(as always)and sumthing is churning in my upper abdomen and it makes me feel like puking anytime now.
my hair is getting so big and unmanageable.maybe i should just don the short hair i had for 4 yrs.decided to keep my hair this time round for a change but looks like its not a good idea afterall.maybe i should just go the salon and tell the hairdresser to do sumthing about it.some frens suggested rebonding...no no no..i love my curly hair, its just that, at this stage, it's so unmanageable now.where should i go and get my hair done? any recommendations?

Monday, Dec 2, 2002 9.20am :
busy, busy weekend..hang out with nan,huda,fiza and abil last night. really had a good time, been quite some time since i had a good laugh...oh yea...finally got myself a light blue kebaya for hari raya and i think i need new shoes to go along with it..sigh..so little time, so much to do..