Entry numbero six: ...yeah.
I find some trouble writing here recently, simply because I've set such a high standard of "zaniness" in my past entries. When you do something like this you feel the need to top the past entries, or at least keep the same quality going, but alas, it gets quite difficult. You can't have a raving lunatic run in and scream at you every week, which is why I sometimes delve into "classic" stories from my past. This week I think I might be able to squeak by with a convoluted combination of old AND new. Yey.
A day or so ago we had this little black kid ride into the store on one of the oh-so-popular scooters and hang around forever tearing up various products. He'd play with the cars manually, running them along the floor, grinding the gears together. He continually pushed the buttons on the "NOISY TOYS THAT GRANDMOTHERS BUY TO GIVE TO GRANDKIDS BECAUSE NO PARENT IN THE WORLD WOULD BUY IT FOR THEIR OWN KID AND HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE INFERNAL RACKET THEY CAUSE(R)(c)(tm)" until we were ready to kill someone. For some reason went to the back of the store and turned on the strobe light. That in itself isn't all that odd, but he picked it up and shone it in his face, and just stood there... for quite a long time. I was going to put something in the back, and I just paused, lifted an eyebrow and stared. This little punk was like a deer in headlights, his pupils as small as needles, staring into the pulsating beam. I find there is something seriously wrong with this kid. He comes in pretty often with his brother. One time he tried to get me to give him 10 bucks in exchange for 4, and a few months ago we caught him trying to break into the cash register. Thank God we've got this little combination of buttons underneath that you have to press while you pull out the drawer. If you don't press the right buttons, it goes, "DING." Well apparently it went "DING" with the boy's hand on it. He was thrown out. He came back the next day.
In our area local channels aren't available through DirecTV's satelite system. It seems that this situation only effects this one little county, no one seems to know the real reason why, and to make matters worse DirecTV denies it. People call up DirecTV and say, "I can get local channels here right?" And they say, "HELL YEAH! JUST GO TO RADIOSHACK AND BUG THEM!" So we have to be the bearers of bad news, and tell the customer that we have attempted to sell half a dozen of the eliptical dish systems that are supposed to pick up the local channels, and each of the systems was returned with the comment, "IT DON'T WORK." Each of those systems was professionally installed. Blockbuster, across the street from us, sells the systems and claims they work. I bet there's a lot of angry Blockbuster customers.
Anyway, one of the heavily opinionated ignorant customers that "SAW DREW CARREY ON TV SAY THEY COULD GET LOCAL CHANNELS" came in and started yelling at my co-worker. My co-worker was explaining to this hickish, Santa Claus-looking man that you need a third LNB to go on your dish (along with a couple of extra parts) to actually get local channels. The man started screaming about how it's all a money making scam. "First they sell you the equipment, and then they sell you the service too! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! It's A SCAM!" This capitalist-hating old hick then began yelling at his wife. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID I COULD GET LOCAL CHANNELS!"
*meekly* "That's what DirecTV said.."
"YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T ASK THEM RIGHT! I'M TIRED OF THESE COMPANIES TRYING TO TAKE MY MONEY! BUY THIS, BUY THAT! GIVE ME LOCAL CHANNELS!"
*meekly again* "I'm sorry I..."
"GODDAMNNIT I WANT MY LOCAL CHANNELS!"
"I'm sorry! I won't watch TV anymore!"
She burst into tears and ran out of the store with her hands over her eyes. Her husband followed, muttering cusswords as he went. Everyone in the store just stopped and stared.
"HAVE A NICE DAY!"
ENTRY NUMBER FiVE: I am a man of Jesus.
As you can see, if you've been here before, I rearranged the page a tiny bit. There is now a nice link to view Bris's fake resume (three employers have already looked at it and no response as of yet). For those of you who don't bother to read carefully, this isn't the only entry you can view. If you simply click on that archives link in the paragraph above, you can read four other very humorous... things.
Today's story is a classic, pulled from past experience, because (to tell you the truth) I've been trying my best to avoid customers as of late. If you've read the previous entries then you might understand why.
About a year and a half ago I was working with one other person on a Saturday morning, with traffic so low that only one person was in the store, being helped by my co-worker. I happened to glance out the front of the store, and I noticed someone walking down the road, cutting through parking lots, heading for our store. I found it a little odd, seeing as how my Radio Shack(tm)(R)(c) is on a road littered with nothing but fast food stores and the like, with the nearest house being about a mile away.
The man sauntered through the doors, and I looked him over as he headed for the "really expensive krap" section of the store. He was a black man of about six feet height, with a lazy eye, and moderate amounts of facial hair. His clothing was covered with mud. Have you ever seen the movie "Total Recall"? You know the cab driver who, due to a horrible mutation caused by poor seals on the mars residence domes, has an arm that lacks any muscle tone and is shrivled up into an unrecognizable gooey tentacle kind of thing? This man had that arm.
I went up to him and asked if he needed any help, as I'm forced to do by some understood contract with Radioshack Inc.(tm)(R)(c) He turned around and kind of stared at me, and then asked in a rather slurred voice, Whhheerar your Cbd players?"
"Excuse me?"
"Yur Cbd players. I was talking to this guy and said he I come in here and take one."
"Huh?"
"Is that a gud won? This guy told me to come down to Radio Shack and find a CBD player and take won because you have CBD players and he told me to get it."
"..."
"Can I have that one? He told me to walk in and take it."
"You can't have it, you can BUY it..."
"Are you sure because he told me I could have it."
"Who said that?"
"He did... down there." *points down the street*
"You can BUY this CD player..."
"I don't have money. He said ta walk in here and take it."
"I'm not going to give this thing to you sir."
"I'm an apostle of Jesus, and the man told me to say that and take the CBD player."
"..."
"I'm anapostlll of jebus so will you give me that?"
"No."
He turned around and walked out of the building, vanishing around the corner. There were no hidden cameras, or obvious motives. I assume his friends had told him to come in and shoplift something and he had been stupid enough to ask permission. He definately had mental deficiency...
"...have a nice day?"
