Never Forever
Friday, December 27, 2002, 10:40 p.m.
Winter break is coming...
Wednesday, December 11, 2002, 04:21 p.m.
Is there a point to love anyone? I will just end up losing them and have my heart broken into a million pieces. I thought I found my love, she told me it would be forever, but I guess forever was just a short period. I don't believe in forever anymore, it could be a year, a month, or even a week. I am not willing to give my heart to anyone now, I have given up on that girlfriend crap, and I have given up on life. I fear what is going to become of me, a cruel murderer? A homeless vagrant? Or a lonely hermit? My parents believe I can actually become something when I grow up, but in my eyes, I am nothing. Nothing but a stupid fatass that cant even get good grades in non-honors classes. I would give anything to be good at one thing, just one thing. Everything I do, someone, around my age or younger, is always better than me. My life was all a big waste, I have cause too many people pain, and too many people have wasted their time on me. I don't want this to continue anymore, but I am too weak to end it all. Either that, or something inside me is telling me to go on and show the world that I have completed something in my life.
In this world, no one is enough to even care about me anymore. And all the people that did care about me, are all gone from my life. There is no one out there anymore, I tried to gain trust from UNI friends, but they just end up not trusting me. Yes, this is the story of my life, like it or not. If you're thinking, "Why the hell are you telling everyone this? Who the hell wants to know?" Well, I didn't tell you to care about me, I didnt ask you to even know me, I didn't ask you to even stay at this site. So please, disppear... I feel so sad right now, all I want is someone to care a grain of sand about me. Just that much. I see all the happy people around me, happyily continuing with their lives with those that could be their life long partners, but me, left alone in the corner, without anyone to care for me... I wish just a miracle would happen and I would actually have just one person care for me. I know I already demand too much, so I'm going to stop.
Winter break is coming! I think it is excatlly one week from today! Well, that count might be off a day forward or a day backwards. I hope I will have good use of this weekend. So far, things that I have planned are: finish science project, go to Ten Buck Thursday/Tuesday twice, finish Dialectical journal for TTC, hang with my friends, take care of my family, and have some good old fasioned fun! I probably wont even finish half of that cause I'm such a procrasinator... but oh well, I have to live with that. Yes, I know I should change my ways, but it's hard! =. I will try my best and change as quick as possible.
This weekend of mine is all stocked up! The first "activity" is bowling with JCL people on Friday. That will take at least four hours out of the Friday. Of course, I'll be hanging out at Boomers for at least another one hour after bowling. Boy, after a day like that, I'll be pooped so I'll go straight to bed after I eat dinner, watch some TV, and play some CS. The next morning, I have to wake up at 6:40 to get ready for the commmunity service at 8:00. I happen to think we are going to UCI to do some cleaning, but all the details are unknown. Immediatly after that, I have to race to SAT class... then come home and probably have piano lesson. Sunday... Sunday's plans are still UNKNOWN for now, except that I have community service at 10 am to 1 pm. I'm out.
.. Random Blabber ..