June 29th @ 12:04 AM - How mad did I get this evening in Brooks Brothers? Let me tell you something, I gave that store manager a piece of my mind and fuck them. I usually love that store and have NEVER had a bad experience, till today. The Story: It is Friday and summertime, which means one thing, summer hours. I was extremely busy today and did not leave till like 2:30 and went straight to the BB. I walked in and there were about 15 sales/ floor people, doing nothing. They were all standing around there designated areas, awaiting the 5 o’clock rush of businessmen. I walked around the entire first level of the store, seriously, the entire first floor. I looked at pretty much every single shirt and tie they had in the store and no one said anything to me. I walked directly passed them and even had to ask one to move away from these shirts I was interested in and still, nothing.

I was kind of near the door and I watched a few businessmen walk in and almost every salesperson greeted each of them. I was outraged and ready to explode. I marched to the back offices (yes, I know where they are, since I go there so frequently) and demanded to speak to the manager. The poor woman stood up and walked over, she knew she was finished before I ever started, she could tell in my attitude. I went off, and stated all of this, without stopping. “I think it is ridiculous that just because I look younger and am not in a suit today that not one of your ancient salespeople would even consider speaking or helping me. I am a regular customer and have a lot of money to spent today, but will not be spending it here. I will never come back to this place and make sure that my father and his friends know what happened today. I walked around for almost 20 minutes and every one of your people treated me so disrespectful. I am canceling my account and making sure my father, Don Hilton (her face dropped and wet completely white) pulls his and NEVER comes back here. This is not the last time you have heard from me. Have a good day.” I spun around and marched out, head high, shoulders back, chest up and looking directly at every salesperson who crossed my path.

I sometimes have the best time putting on shows like that. FYI - Don Hilton is not my father and we have NO relation. I only lied for effect.

When I think about the classiest function I can think of, I immediately think of P. Diddy’s “White Party”. I decided that I would do a crisp, new, white shirt and a satin-type, semi-shinny, matching, white tie. That would be slamm’n. To bad the only one I could find was at “Pink” and would have run me a few hundred dollars. Sorry, maybe next time...

I needed to make myself feel better, so I dragged Bessica to Banana and made her sit there forever while I shopped, tried on, shopped and tried on like a million different things. I did do very well and got some amazingly pimp’n attire. While I spent an hour in the fitting room, I listened as Bessica become a fashion consultant for like every gay man in NYC. I think she was called honey, sweetie and darling a total of 35 times.

Best part of the shopping experience: I bought these awesome, awesome, cool sneaker/ shoes from a place in the “shoe district”. I am one of the best bargainers and will get what I want for what I am willing to pay. I got the shoes down to $30, seriously, I am not kidding, $30 for a new pair of these slamm’n digs. Rock’n!

June 28th @ 12:25 PM - A long time ago, Amtrak bought a place called, "Penn Station". This was one of the best decisions they could have ever made, even though it is one of the grossest and dirtiest places. See, they are currently in debt by like 100 million-trillion dollars and want the government to just give them the money. I really like how they didn't try to raise it or ask for help, they just called the government's hotline and said, "We need a ga-zillion dollars and you have to give it to us".

My favorite part of the story: Amtrak has stated if they don't get the money by a certain time, on a certain date, they are going to shut down Penn Station. But not just, turn off the power and lock the doors, but clog and jam the entire place. Since they own the station and tracks and presently lease out space to LIRR and NJ Transit, they can do whatever they want. If they don't receive the money, they plan on taking all of their trains and parking them inside and around Penn Station, which will clog the entire place and shut it down completely. Even funny, they are not planning on doing it at night, but during the day. Which will leave one billion stranded commuters stuck in Penn Station/ NYC, with no way to get home, EVER.

I am sorry to say (for all you commuters), but that is kind of funny. If I was a commuter and did not live here, I would flip out and rage on people, but since I am not/ have nothing to do with it, all I can do is laugh.

I know people who have an hour/ hour and a half train ride, each way. Could you imagine getting out of work and walking to Penn Station and nothing? To learn that Amtrak has parked all of there trains on all the tracks and NO LIRR or NJ Transit trains could ever get near the station. There was no way back to the Island, to your home. The city will erupt into chaos and havoc will take over the streets.

Next topic: This wedding I have to go to this weekend. What to say? Well, I am looking forward to it, since it is one of my friends getting married and I know it is going to be a beautiful extravaganza. Last time I spoke to her, they had already spent over 60K and were not finished yet. My friend obviously comes from money and they are going all out on this bad boy. (My friend said they are importing these rare flowers from a tropical island, which is exactly what my cousin did at her wedding. My cousins was the most glamorous event I have ever been to and spent over 100K and had a full string orchestra at the reception and had a special organ brought into the church for her walk down the isle.) My friend's parents are social-lights and have invited many important people the this event. I have been told, a few senators, many top CEO/ high-powered businessmen (ex- JP Morgan Jr is on the guest list) will be present. This is going to be a high class, purebred gathering, and then there was me...

I can say that I excel in these types of situations. I like to get all dressed up and am planning on going all out for this one. (Today after work I will be visiting Brooks Brothers, again, to try to find a new shirt and matching tie.) I always like to stand out at weddings, obviously not more than the important people (ex- bride, groom, parents), but I like to make my own small scene. This includes wearing a salmon colored shirt and red tie to a friend's plain and simple wedding. It's my thing, what I do best. I dress up well and more importantly, feel extremely comfortable this way. I like people to notice and assume/ make conclusions about me and then I prove them wrong.

My plan for this weekend/ wedding, stand out. I know blue suits and white shirts and many plain Joe's will surround me. But not me, not this time. My date wants me in white, but sorry, no-can-do. I plan on getting something so pimping that everyone has to notice us. Then I will do my circulation around the rooms, casually speaking to all the businessmen about many, random tid-bits of info I know. I will talk, laugh, carry around a glass of wine (with a beer in my pocket), bump elbows with the Senators and act as if I am a hybrid between someone out of "Sex and the City" and a Kennedy relative.

I am ready and psyched and will not only take over the place, but also have everyone eating out of the palm of my hand. I will be one of the top guests at the million-dollar wedding of the century. Let the games begin...

June 27th @ 9:23 PM - The new "repeat" song of the week is: Stigmatized by The Calling.

“K Parker, K Parker,
Wherever I go, he goes,
K Parker, K Parker,
I’ll teach him everything I know…”

K Parker and I are best of friends. He follows me around and has now even ventured to jumping in and out of the shower, while I shower. (He use to just sit next to the tub.) It is so nice to have a partner in crime, someone that constantly listens to me, and never criticizes or makes fun of me. I honest talk to him, all-the-time, whenever I am in the apartment. He is still skinny and fucked up looking and way to hyper. The waking me up throughout the night to play, has not stopped, but I am getting more adjusted to it.

Recently we have taken our friendship/ relationship to a new level, a peak that most people do not attempt to reach with there dog. I need to explain where I am going with this, mostly because it sounds pretty gross, but trust me, it is not. Before I can comment on it, I need to clear it by the lawyer friend, just to make sure some crazy, annoying, PETA/ animal rights tyrant isn’t going to read this and try to take him away from me. (Claiming animal cruelty or crap like that.) I will explain soon, very soon...

PS- For all you PETA/ animal rights people reading this, please go get a real job. Leave us animal eating, leather wearing, rat killers alone and stop sending us mail with horrible pictures in it.

PSS- One of my good friends lives in San Fran and he was telling me a story about this argument he stumbled into. From what I heard, these two people were debating about the importance of pigeons. The guy was calling them “rats with wings” and talking about how dirty and disgusting they really are (disease, etc). The girl said, “in defense of the pigeons, they didn’t ask to be born pigeons and they mean well and do good things for the environment”. Excuse me? Who in this century defends pigeons? Where do these people come from/ who produced that girl? She is another victim of the PETA mailing list.

June 27th @ 3:27 PM - I can now say what this job has shown me; how stupid I really am with geography. The Story: I am sitting in a meeting and someone starts talking about Cleveland. (Cleveland is my territory.) I was not paying attention to what was being said (if you know me, you know this is normal- unless you speak directly to me and about something I am interested in, I will not even realize you are speaking). My big boss turns to me and is like, “Rich, aren’t you working with Cleveland?” I quickly pick my head up and respond with, “YES I AM AND I WILL BE TOUCHING BASE WITH THEM TOMORROW”. The meeting continues and I mumble, “I hope I don’t have to go to Cleveland, what’s even there, like Cincinnati?”

My colleague sitting next to me hears this and bursts out laughing, I mean, absolutely hysterical. The meeting stops and people ask her what is so funny? Thanks gosh she said nothing. She then slips me a note which reads, Hey Buddy- Cleveland isn’t a state. I then burst out laughing and thought, what the fuck is Cleveland? I then remember the two C’s – Cleveland and Columbus are in Ohio. I write on the note, Where is Cincinnati? She writes back, I don’t know, it’s not my territory.

I just want you to know, my team does do some important things- such as, firing and hiring people, but we can't figure out where these people really live. About 5 minutes before I made the comment about Cleveland being in Cincinnati, I terminated someone’s employment. Is this acceptable?

June 27th @ 10:00 AM - So, my drinking problem. Yes, I have a drinking problem and now it is time to admit it. I drink too much. I like to drink. I drink because it makes me feel good.

When did I first realize I had this problem? Maybe about a year ago someone sat me down and told me straight out, “you have a drinking problem”. I did not question him and ponder my life and crap like that, I admitted it to myself.

The story: I drink at least 5 – 6 large bottles of water a day. Seriously, I am not kidding. I do not know why, but I am constantly drinking water or like water substances, such as Power-Aid, Gatorade or Vitamin Water. It is 10 AM and I am almost finished with my second bottle. I am always dehydrated and can not get enough liquid in me. Water is my cure all medication and improves my “everything”.

It is even worse when I eat. I need a thousand glasses of water surrounding my plate throughout the entire meal. When I go to dinner with my family, they base the tip on my supply of water. If I have to ask more than twice for more water, the tip is pretty much gone. This may seem like a normal thing, but seriously, as soon as the wait-staff fills my glass, I drink the entire thing and wait for the next glass. I have had people give me pitchers, this way they don’t have to come back to the table every 3 minutes. I do sometimes feel bad for them, especially when it is busy and you have my dad yelling at them to fill my water glass every time it is empty.

I think one of the reasons I drink so much water is because my mom taught me this trick when I was a kid. As you are sitting down for a meal, drink 4 large glasses of water, this way, you fill up on liquid and not food. It is a skinny persons trick, we all use this one. Next time you go out to dinner with a waffish-type friend, watch them. I can bet they will get water and maybe an iced tea to start and before the meal comes, they will be on the second glass of water and almost finished with the iced tea.

I have a drinking problem. I sometimes believe that water is my best friend and best of all, is always around, never hard to find. I love water or aid-type beverages!!!

June 26th @ 6:00 PM - Camilla! I hate Camilla, with every ounce of my being. Camilla and I are archenemies. This is not a one sided relationship, it is 100% mutual. We hate each other!

Who is Camilla you are wondering? Well, let me explain the story to you. Camilla is the dog that lives on my floor, in the corner apartment, next to the stairs. We hate each other! That is all anyone can say about it. She is the horrible, evil, fat, smelly, piece-of-shit dog that attacks me at every chance it can. It has bitten me multiple times, only drawing blood twice and has ripped a pair of my shorts and ruined a pair of pants.

The worst part of it, the owner does not even try to control her, till after she has attacked me and ruined my day. It all started when we first moved in and we were immediately introduced to Camilla that evening and she kind of sucked. At first she really didn’t both me, only Bessica. But after a few weeks and it is probably because she heard the things I was saying about it, she now hates me to the extreme.

Camilla is an ugly Cocker Spaniel, who smells, all the time. What is sad is that I really do like animals, well, actually, I hate cats, snakes/ reptiles, flying things, large animals and really small creatures. So, I guess I honestly don’t like animals or pets, except dogs (this is why I have my own dog in my apartment). One would think I would like Camilla, especially because I only truly like small dogs, dogs that I can easily pick up and put in a cage for like 95% of the day. I grew up with Beagles and think they are to big and in all seriousness, Camilla (being a Cocker Spaniel) is actually kind of large for my taste. I am a small dog kind of guy, like my dog, small and skinny.

I tried to be friends with the out-of-control animal and give it many chances, but enough is enough. The owner (this odd woman who lives on our floor) walks the dog, all the time, but with no leash. Actually, she carries the leash in her hand, but never connects it to the dog’s neck. She brings it up on the roof and since she is fat and slow, it gets up there 5 minutes after the dog (mind you, it is one set of stairs). If you are on the roof, enjoying the view and minding your own business, the dog comes charging at you, barking and snapping in the air and there is nothing you can do. You try to pet her to calm her down, or grab her head or even kick her as hard as you can, NOTHING works. The fucking dog continually jumps at you and marks up your clothing or rips them or bites you or scratches you legs and arms. This dog sucks.

The final straw, yesterday, I left my apartment at 8 AM to go to work and as soon as I locked the door and took two steps away, BAM, Camilla was charging. She came flying down the staircase and hallway and got me. Again, nothing I could do. I was trying to get her to stop and leave me alone and her owner was still making her way down the stairs, while she listened to her dog attack me. It makes this horrible sound and she finally gets to us and grabs him and pushes him into her apartment. It was 8 AM and I was attacked by a dog, on my way to work, just exiting my apartment, in my hallway. Not a good start to a very hot day.

I do know she feels really badly and always apologizes and offers to fix the clothing, but enough is enough. Her excuse: Camilla just needs to get use to you and then she will be fine. Okay lady, it has been over 2 and a half months of this dog attacking me at least 5 times a week. If it is not use to me by now, it will never be. Why do you insist on walking her without the leash. You carry it in your hand, just fucking attach it to its neck.

I am giving it one last try. The next time that horrible beast touches me, it will be finished. I will immediately call the police and press charges and take everything she and her family have. Then I will call animal control and have them come over and kill it, directly in front of her (and not by shooting it, I will make them jump on its head, till they crush its scull). Then I will take the died Camilla and hang it in the hallway, above my door. This way, every time she leaves or enters her apartment, she will be reminded of the horrible beast that I killed.

I - - hate - - - - Camilla!

June 26th @ 1:49 PM - The Office of Beautiful People

I work at a company where the number 1 requirement to getting hired is, are they attractive enough? Seriously, I am not kidding. This entire building is filled with the most beautiful and stylish people I have ever met. To add to it, this place fits the stereotype: 65% of the guys are gay and 99% of the women are catty bitches.

This morning my boss got called out to Ohio, unexpected and my direct colleague has about 50 meetings all day. (I did not volunteer to help because I had a few this morning and have more this afternoon.) I was talking to the assistant a little while ago and she told me that today was my day to have fun/ explore. My boss is gone, the co-worker is tied up all day and I have about an hour of free time this afternoon. She told me to go explore the building, go shopping downstairs and meet people and learn where everything is. I completely took her advice and went on my expedition.

I am still shocked by what I found. Everyone - men, women, short, tall - all fit the same criteria - they are perfectly beautiful and in amazing shape. I could not believe my eyes, floor after floor. Everyone is so super stylish and trendy and wearing the latest thing. The dress code is business casual here, but there is NO business casual in this entire building. As long as you look amazing in whatever you are wearing and it is super fashionable, you can wear it. I saw many women wearing really nice dresses, but totally and 100% inappropriate for the work place. I am sorry, when you have to tape your tits to your see-threw top, not acceptable. Or when your clev cut is so low that I can see your belly button, not acceptable. And guys, when your shirt is so tight that it makes your veins in your arms swell or mess shirts with wife-beaters under them, not acceptable.

Perfect story to describe the women I work with: I was in the elevator and these three girls were chattering and the one compliments the other one on her shirt. She tells her that she loves the white, peasant-type shirts and it looks so good on her. She says thank you and then gets off the elevator. The doors close and the two look at each other and say, “yeah, they looked good last month bitch.” “Why would she try to wear that now, it is soooo over.” The doors open and the two girls get out. I stand there thinking, I like those shirts and bought one last month and have not worn it yet. Does this mean I have missed my chance? Did they come in and out in like 1 second? This sucks!

Besides that, I will say that I do like work and the people. I am one of the new guys, so everyone is nice to me, kind of. I am on the “bad/ mean team” so people fear us. When I call or show up to a meeting, everyone gets quiet for a second and they think they have to try to be more professional. The other thing I have helping me, I am a guy. Both girls and guys are being extremely nice/ flirty, all in hopes…

June 25th @ 9:48 AM - I would like to introduce the world to Bridget. Bridget is married to MJ and plays in Europe everyday of her life. I am patiently waiting the day...

June 24th @ 10:31 PM - Please read the description/ convo Bessica and I had pertaining to the very, very large man.

Besides the man the size of a planet sitting next to Bessica, we had Satan sitting two seats away, in the row behind us. Okay, I do realize this wasn't the real Satan and since I have never seen Satan before, how would I know what Satan looks like? Trust me, if Satan had a twin sister, this was her.

We got so freaked out by her that we started to call her Malachai, from "Children of the Corn" and make up horrible scenarios.
Bessica: In like 5 seconds the entire outfield is going to grow these huge corn stalks in it.
Me: Then Malachai is going to come flying out of it and try to kill us all.
Me: We need to leave. The devil is going to kill us in Yankee Stadium.

I am not trying to be mean, but let me describe her physical appearance. First off, she had these huge eyes, which she never blinked. Her hair was the exact color of fire red and it was natural. Seriously, I have seen some horrible red heads before, but this was the worst color/ shade I have ever seen. She was extremely pale and expressionless the entire time. Finally, her nose- it was pretty large and had a few bumps throughout the slope.

I realize what you are thinking, is that all? Well, no. If that was it and I only noticed her physical appearance, I probably would not have said anything. (Fine, I would have.) What was so freaky was the hawk-eyed starring. Every single time either one of us turned back, she was emotionlessly starring, with the cocked head. She was either Malachai or Satan's twin sister and was referred to every 30 minutes or so.

June 24th @ 10:13 AM - I am at work! I am sitting in my office, pretending to be getting organized, just killing time till the 11 AM meeting.

I can't believe I am at work! I need a vacation, just kidding.

June 23rd @ 9:02 PM - My favorite conversation from last night:
Me: Jenny, can you keep having sex with him and not fall or let your emotions come into play?
Jenny: No, I can’t.
Me: Well then there is only one answer, fuck it, drop him. You don’t just want to be friends, right?
Jenny: Yeah that‘s stupid, I don’t want that.
Me: You can’t have sex with him anymore and don’t just want to be friends- peace, NO time. You should end it by doing something really mean.
Entire table: (laughs)

I will say, if I am ever having a down on myself physical appearance day, I will go to the bar we went to last night. I walked out of there and totally felt like a rock star and it pumped the ego. I have always said, any attention is good attention and take it as a compliment.

June 23rd @ 8:37 PM - I am a complete train-wreck today. I have so much going on in the head and can not physically process it. I don't know where to start and even if I can get into half of the stuff.

I freaked out last night and didn't know what to do. I have not done that in so long and now that I am thinking about it, the last freak out was in the exact same place I was at last night. It was many months ago and I was with people from out of town and they wanted to talk about 9.11 and had a million questions for me. That is what triggered that freak out. Last nights was random, well, kind of.

I was having fun with friends and enjoying a nice, cool beer last night and decided it was time to go to the bathroom. I walked upstairs and got on line and within seconds, a new song came on. It was "the song". The song I was listening to on the morning of 9.11, while eating breakfast in the WTC. See, that morning, I sat there and listened to this newly downloaded song on repeat, actually three times in a row. No one will ever realize what that song actually means to me, how deep it goes. That song has such strong memories and visuals that go along with it. I listened to it a lot in the months following and since it is a pop-type song, I got made fun of by the roommates. After many times of having kept the song on repeat and getting a grasp on reality, I slowly simmered with it. I now listen to it every-so-often, mostly when I have a bad flashback/ memory or on those days the event does not seem real, I use it to ground myself and bring it down a few steps.

While on the bathroom line, it came on. People all around me started to sing along and enjoy the great tone. I froze, completely freaking out in my head and could not move. I ran into the bathroom and continually splashed cold water on my face. I wanted the song, memories, thoughts, basically, everything, to stop. There was nothing I could do. The ceiling seemed so low and I felt the shake coming on. I ran out of the bathroom and back downstairs and out the door. I needed fresh air and to be outside, looking straight up at the sky.

For the last few months, whenever I listen to it, I have to be outside. I play it on the disc-man, stop on whatever corner I am on and just look up. I stand there for however long it takes to process. I can not be inside while listening to it. I can't have a ceiling or roof over me, it just has to be me and the sky, starring at each other, secretly fighting for survival.

Last night, I walked around a few blocks, and was able to calm myself down. I thought about it for awhile today and tried to figure out why I freaked. My thoughts: I had a few beers in me, I was NOT expecting to hear that song at that moment (when I do listen to it, it is planned), the ceiling in the place was lower than normal places, I was standing on a line with people surrounding me. Hopefully that won't happen anytime soon.

An interesting article.

June 22nd @ 7:01 PM - Bessica and I are completely famous and totally in the movie. We had such a great time at the shooting and actually learned stuff. Filming a movie is the slowest process in the world. They have a thousand people working in the production company and none of them do anything.

We were there for over 8 hours and they filmed two scenes, that is all. Each scene was like 30 seconds. They did re-film each scene like 10 times in a row and it was very tiring. We got to see Jack, Adam, Woody and a little bit of Giuliani. We got there early, so that put us up front and all of a sudden, Jack and Adam came walking over and started talking to people. Me and Bessica were so excited and I could not get over how short they all are in real life and how old and fat Jack looked. One of the best parts, after they finally finished filming the last take of our scene, Al Snow came walking over, for no reason. In case you are unfamiliar with Mr. Snow, he is a professional wrestler and is huge! I am convinced Woody has done more drugs in his life than a person should. He had that perma-grin and was the dumbest person in America. I believe he has smoked his entire brain.

We did have a lot of down time and sat and talked about the most random things. We were those kids and now have a million funny jokes and stories out of that evening. My favorite one, the girl next to me turned to her father and asked, “Dad, if someone hits the ball over the wall and it is between those yellow poles, is it out-of-bounds?” The father was mortified and replied, “No, that is actually a home run”. “Thanks Dad” replies the clueless girl. The father sat there and I could tell he was wishing he had had a son.

We are completely celebs now and in a movie.

June 22nd @ 4:38 PM - Recently, Bessica and I met a new friend. This person told me that I reminded him of, Elvis Costello and Bessica is, Jennifer Jason Leigh. I asked if he meant personality or looks, he responded with, both. I was actually referred to as Elvis Costello in a real-live conversation with a mid-20's, non-urban hipster. Bessica and I are still laughing about this.

PS- I look nothing like Elvis Costello, only similarities, we both have dark hair and glasses.

PSS- Even though this new friend made this comment, I do think he is cool. I think we should hook him up with Bessica, even if it is only for a night of scandalous behavior.

Smell it?

June 20th @ 10:00 PM - How excited am I for tomorrow night? Me and Bessica are going to attack Jack and the take Giuliani home with us. He, he, he...

What a crazy day I had. I actually read a book today. I am totally not kidding and have been reading a lot lately. I know this sounds weird, but it is true. I do not consider reading the paper, TONY or Entertainment Weekly actual reading, it is more brainless. Reading = Books or large, real magazines.

As you all know, I have only read 5 complete books my entire life. This is totally serious, I do not read and never enjoyed it. Today was different, a start of an era. I realized I like to read, when it is completely and 100% under my own terms. I can only read a book when I specifically go to B&N for that exact book. Usually, I try to go and walk around and pick up something off the NY Times best seller or something that caught my eye, but this NEVER worked. This is why I didn't read, I was trying to force it. I have been thinking about this one specific book for a few weeks now and today was the day.

I was hanging out at Hunter and talking to these two guys who were playing a D&D card game. They tried to teach me, but there were to many different cards and rules to remember. I felt like a complete dork, but loved every second of it. I knew my D&D experience was over and it was time to venture to B&N. I walked to the Citicorp building/ mall and walked around till I found "the book". I took it to the Starbucks part of the store and sat and read. I read till page 50 and there were only 200 pages in the book. I was almost finished, me, finished with a book and it was good. I liked reading it and didn't want to stop. I decided to buy the book and on the walk/ subway ride home, I sat and read. I read a real book on the subway, in front of people.

I kept reading through the day and am now on page 170 and want to wait till tomorrow finish it. I am so excited. This will be the 6th book I have read from cover to cover, in my entire life. Go me!

Then tonight I got a summer job. I will be doing what I have been doing for the last three years, but this time, for a creative company. I did not have to interview or anything. I know a lot of people in my old field and I got a call this evening, saying they wanted me for the rest of June, July and some of August. They are paying pretty good, I get half days on Fridays and it is business casual. This is a pretty sweet deal and I will finish up with the assignment in perfect time to start school in the fall. Oh how things work out sometimes (fingers crossed). Oh yeah, I start tomorrow. I have to go to work in a few hours and be Mr. Corporate America, again...

June 19th @ 10:43 PM - This is going to be completely random and a lack of structure with unimportant ordering within the list:

-For the last 3 days, I have been craving a cigarette so badly. I am not sure why and I have not succumbed to temptation, yet. I quiet many months ago and have been extremely good, why all of a sudden would I be willing to give away my puppy for a pack of non-addicting cigarettes.

-Friday night is the night Bessica and I become famous. We are extra's for the move, "Anger Management" featuring Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler and Marisa Tomei. Oh yeah, Guiliana is also casually in the scenes we are part of. How awesome are we? We get to spend 6 hours on a movie set with big time stars and we even have our own set passes. We are going to be in a movie!!!

-I love "Time Out NY". Each week I destroy the magazine the first day or so I receive it. Then I carry it with me on trains and in parks and re-read it and make sure I didn't miss any cool event or new place or funny article. I think I need to start a weekly favorite quote from the TONY.
This weeks would be from an article about NY men and sexuality: “The male species (at least the New York City variety) has evolved to a completely perplexing point where could-go-either-way fashion choices, equal-opportunity flirtation and an openness to sexual experimentation (like, for instance, sleeping with Liza Minnelli) have made the dating scene one big is-he-or-isn’t-he? mind-fuck.”
I will also admit to reading all of the personals each week. I am certainly not looking for anyone, but they have hysterical pictures and ask funny questions and some of the replies are ab-fab. “More about who I’m looking for: A clean-cut, athletic guy who enjoys a quiet evening at home as much as a night on the town. Someone looking for more than a one-nighter and is comfortable and happy. Someone worthy of being treated like a prince.” I HAVE FALLEN! I LOVE THIS PERSON! I have found my dream, this mysterious, magazine persona- I like going out and staying in, I am athletic and clean-cut, I am happy, I want to be someone’s prince, someone’s royalty. Sign me up! I will search NYC till I find you! I - love - you (sniffle)...

-I recently downloaded “At Last” by Etta James. Yes, you read that correct, I downloaded Etta James’ “At Last”. I do have some good taste, well, occasionally.

-Bessica and I are going to be famous!

-I got hit on by a 16 year old, catholic school girl this morning on the 6 train (Yes, she was wearing the outfit and all). She totally came over and started to talk to me and then asked which school I go to? I told her I was 25 and that she needs to be more careful. I also made sure it was clear never to loose that “take charge/ ballzy” attitude and keep going after what she wants, but be a little more cautious. I explained how I could have said I was 17 and done horrible things. She totally got scared, and then I tried to be nice and thanked her for the compliment, and to keep approaching guys if she was interested, but maybe not on the subway, stick to school dances and field trips.

-I have been having the whole falling dreams lately, which is not helping my recently acquired fear of heights. For the last few days, it is the same thing, walking on top of a large structure of some kind and then something hits the middle of it and I just fall and fall and fall. I need to conquer this height thing now? I still freak out on our roof when I lean over the edge (which I do every time I am up there to torture myself).

-I found a dead kitten/ cat (around 1 year old) near the stairs to our bridge. A car had run over its head and crushed 3/4 of its skull and these huge bugs were eating it. It made me throw up in my mouth.

-I love the recent influx of the phrase, “No time!” That has been my motto for many, many years and I love how my friends have adopted it into there lives and use it multiple times a day. Say it once, it is contagious, “No time!”

June 19th @ 4:20 PM - I have to say, I am not the biggest fan of Oprah's talk show. I admire her and the empire she has built, but her show is usually to out-of-control for me (the whole reading thing, love themes, etc).

Today is different. It is the one day a year I will sit and watch her show. Today's show has a storyline pertaining to 9.11.

A few months ago, I read this story about this happily married couple that survived that morning. Side note: they were both VPs of financial services firms and have a ten month old baby boy. The Story: She worked @ Cantor in Tower 1 and he worked in Tower 2. That morning he was scheduled to be at the conference at Windows on the World by 8 and she would usually be at work around the same time. That morning, he decided not to go to the conference and she was running late. She got out of the cab and heard this horrible buzzing noise (which was the sound of the plane flying through downtown) and she ran for the doors. As she entered Tower 1's lobby, the plane hit the building and debris started to fall and the build shook. A few seconds later, massive fireballs shot out of the elevator shafts, directly into the lobby. She got caught up in the ball and it shot her back out the door and across the street. (Said remembers being on fire and screaming, God please don't take me, I need to live for my son and husband.) People ran to her and fought to put the fire out that had burned her entire body.

She was taken to the hospital and was told that she was burned over 82% of her body and she had a 10% chance to live. They put her in a drug-induced coma for 2 months and told her husband she would most likely just not wake up. She fought the burns and was one of the few people who actually survived.

Her husband wrote this book which details there life and the recovery.

If I ever think things are difficult or tough, I will go pick up a copy of that book and read the first chapter.

June 19th @ 9:58 AM - Okay, there was no reason for the early morning, bitch-out phone call. I was nothing but truthful and if you can't handle that, don't ask! Get the fuck out, NO time!

Today's song of the day is very fitting for the morning tone.

June 18th @ 10:11 PM - So back in September I realized a lot of things about my life. The idea of "living my life for me" became the most important. I wanted to change everything, fix what I created, bring it back down a few steps. Basically, transform who I had become, into who I honestly wanted to be.

I knew the first thing I needed to do was, stop living for other people. Stop being scared of what friends/ people would say or think. Stop doing things for the sole reason of making my parents happy and proud. Stop living someone else's dream. Stop trying to be everyone's best friend, especially if I really didn't like the person or have anything in common with them. Basically, stop being a train wreck 100% of the time.

With all that said and decided. Do you think things really changed? Honestly, yes. Looking at myself in last August versus today, I am a completely different person. Is the transformation complete? No way! This is a work in progress, sometimes a team effort, a never ending project- taken day by day and step by step. I always say, "change is good". And it is, but I will admit, major change happens gradual.

I have this on going list of things that need fixing or to be changed in my life. In the past 6 months, I have checked so many of them off the list, or altered them to the ever changing Richie. Where am I going with this you ask? Well, here it is. In the last week I had this major revelation, a realization of something so obvious, yet important to moving "the new Richie" closer to this ideal individual.

Everything I have done has been great and really made me think about who I am/ want to be. The piece missing (up until a week ago), the things I want in my life and for my life are possible and can truly make me happy. I have realistic goals and can achieve them and should achieve them. These are goals/ levels I have set for myself. (They are not for the fam, for show, for acceptance or of the norm- they are mine.)

What I want for my life is possible and reality and can make me happy. They are not far off dreams or wishes anymore. I have slowly, but constantly changed things to bring these dreams/ goals into a pragmatic level. Change is good and needs to be done to effect ones life.

Sum up: I changed a lot of things, but just/ finally realized that I can eventually be happy with my decisions and life. I was unhappy and got off my ass and did something about it (about everything), all while ignoring criticism and questioning. Again, change is good!

June 18th @ 7:57 PM - Why do parents always have a bowl of fresh tuna salad in the frig? When I think back to my childhood and recent visits back to Orange County, every time I opened the frig, there was a bowl of tuna salad. Every couple of days, my mom must crack open a few cans of tuna, mix in the mayo, cup up carrots and throw in some spices. I recently asked her why she does this and how often do they eat the tuna salad? She told me it is better to have the tuna salad ready, then to have to waste time preparing it when either her or my father want it.

Okay, I can not decide if that is cute or out-of-control? How often do tuna salad emergencies come up? I think back over my entire life and how many times have I walked into my residence and thought, I want tuna salad right this second. I don't think that has ever happened and I do like tuna salad.

Is it a generational thing or Italian thing or mom thing? Why is there always a large bowl, with a medium amount of fresh tuna salad in my parent's house refrigerator?

June 18th @ 6:59 PM - This could be the funniest thing I have read in awhile:
"at one point when we were hooking up he was like, on top of me and we were both wearing our clothes and kissing a little bit, and he started that awful humping business that boys are occasionally prone to do, where i swear to god i thought my stomach would have bruises because of him like attacking me avec his penis, thanks. in my stomach no less..."

You sluted with a boy named Richie and he rabbited your stomach. Classic!

June 17th @ 6:05 PM - I had a full weekend of being told some of the funniest stories I have ever heard.

To list a few:
-Someone I know had the funniest star spotting EVER. See, this person casually ran into Delta Burke and freaked out. The story I heard involved shaking, crying, falling over and screaming. It was equated to footage from a MJ tour in Japan, the ones where the Japanese girl freaks out, just from the site of MJ in a mask. But remember, this was not MJ, it was over Delta Burke.

-Crazy Carolyn has out done herself again. Sex with the Nordic Track delivery man and now the broken engagement to the "let me put crystals on you" boyfriend.

-The Florida girl was asked to be a witness for the wedding of a friend at City Hall. The friend met this guy three months ago and let him move into her place the next day. The part I am forgetting, he does not speak English and she does not speak Spanish. The wedding is today at City Hall and my friend is mortified and planning on wearing a large hat with a scarf and taking many pictures of the bride and groom with the city worker and translator.

-I still can not believe you had sex with a famous gammy winner musician in a foreign country and were all nonchalant about it.

Yesterday I spent the day with the family and we had an old school b-b-que and played with the dogs in the yard (playing includes me running around a lot and my family members throw tennis balls, sticks and Frisbees at me and them). Within the first half an hour these things were said to me: You look like you have lost some more weight and really look bad, very sickly and your face is getting sunk in again. Your gray is getting horrible and you need to dye it more often. Have you been hiding from the sun?

Besides all of this, I actually had a great time with everyone. My little sister came back from Rhode Island, my older sister and her husband were there (with the #1 dog in obedience school) and my parents. My dad let me cook the hamburgers on the grill for the first time and my mom drank to much fruity wine and got into her terrorist talks again. My parents now pay my little sister each time she eats meat. (I am not kidding. She is super skinny and my parents are tired of her unhealthy eating habits. She lives off cigarettes, diet coke, candy and salad. They have started handing her cash each time she eats so form of meat/ a healthy meal.) My grandparents and aunt and uncle all came over after dinner to play with the puppy. Then some neighbors came over to say hello and have dessert. Everyone (including family members and neighbors) were shocked to see me. I guess I am the mystery child. We then watched "Oceans Eleven" and it was very interesting.

Today I spent the day with my dad and he just kept laughing at me all day. We had carpenter work to do, together and I kept losing every tool possible. I would touch it and put it down and it would be gone. He finally made me sit down next to him and watch. What was scary about the day, we went shopping for a few minutes and my dad got hit on by this woman. It all happened so fast and it was directly in front of me and I was "deer in headlights". This woman came over to my dad and started to talk to him and touch his arm and laugh a lot and basically took off her pants and rubbed her crotch on his leg. I was floored, this is my dad and this slut was all on him and trying to score. He promptly rejected her and then stood there all embarrassed. We then had a good 45 minute talk about cheating and marriage. It's odd when you realize your parents are "real" people dealing with the same issues you are dealing with.

June 14th @ 3:46 PM - I would just like everyone to take notice of the humidity in NYC today!
• New York, NY
58°F, 97% humidity

I can safely say I will be avoiding Chinatown this evening. Between the rain and the humidity, I am sure that place is the smelliest/ dirtiest place in America.

June 14th @ 1:19 PM - The song of the week is:
Adrienne by "The Calling". It is a very good song and with the release of this hit, they can now be called a two hit wonder. I love the repeat button.

My favorite character of all times on "Days" was a woman named Isabella. She was so cool and everyone loved her and she was together with Roman. (At the time, he was Roman, but eventually turned out to be a priest who was brain washed by Stefano into thinking he was Roman and is currently John Black.) They were together, happy and she got pregnant and had little Brady. About 2 weeks after she gave birth, she died, they killed her off with cancer. No one in the world knew they were writing her out of the show and it was so dramatic and sad. She was happy, pregnant, a mother, diagnosed with cancer and dead, all so quickly.

They had Roman/ John Black raise little Brady for a few months, but then sent him upstairs/ boarding school, only to make an appearance at large events (with all the other Marlena/ Roman/ John Black/ Stefano/ Bo/ Hope kids). They then brought him back into the show two years ago as an 18 year old. A few months ago, his father gave him the loft that the happy couple lived in together. Since then, weird things have been happening in the loft and a ghostly presence is lingering around. I think/ am so excited that they may be bringing back Isabella or the ghost of Isabella. (Many years ago, when they killed her off so quickly, and her character still had a month left on her contract, they had her appear to Roman/ John Black as this goddess-like, angel who floated around the loft.) Oh yeah, John Black is now turning into some type of superhero who has special powers. More to come...

June 12th @ 11:45 PM - So I spent this evening with my dad and it finally hit me, he is getting old. He has always had a younger face and was in amazing shape his entire life, until he was about 40. He then stopped running 20 miles a day and working out and started to look like “a dad”. Since then he has been aging normally, and he has really bad knees (had surgery on one a few years ago). During the last couple of years I have noticed it takes a little longer for him to do his regular duties. He takes more breaks and gets tired pretty quickly, but rarely admits this.

Before he stopped by my apartment, he got a haircut yesterday. He has had the same exact hair style since he was 16 years old. I only know my father with one hair style, seriously, it never changes and he gets it trimmed every other week. It always looks the exact same. It is part of my father and my image of him is with that hair style. He has had the George Clooney speckled/ gray thing for the last 20 years. He went partially gray early and it stayed like that for many years.

Yesterday I noticed he his completely gray, he is white on top, about 90% gray. He has recently lost a lot of hair and it is so thin on top. The hair cut he got was pretty short, the shortest I have ever seen it and he was so sad. The first thing I said when I saw him, “damn dad, your hair is so short and when did you get so gray.” He was so depressed and told me that was his last real hair cut for the rest of his life. From now on he is going to be getting the buzz cut. He has very little hair left on top and instead of trying to hid it, he has accepted it and will deal with it. He got this short hair cut, in preparation for the real short one he is getting in a few weeks.

I freaked out on him and told him he can’t do it yet. I am not ready for this. He has been my father for almost 25 years and has had the same hair style for those 25 years. It was so odd to see him yesterday with a slight change to his hair. What will happen when he buzzes it all off? I can not think about this. My dad is completely gray and will very soon have a different hair style/ no hair. This is wrong and can not happen, I will stop this. I am sending him to the doctor to get implants or something. My dad has looked the EXACT same my entire life and I can not think about him changing this.

June 10th @ 10:33 PM - FRIDAY evening into the night:

My friends car then got towed and me and Aimee got to hang out on the West Side Highway for about an hour, sitting next to “The Tow Pound”. It was kind of scary, but also a little thrilling.

Once darkness hit, I got to eat in my favorite Brooklyn restaurant. They have the best Duck Salad in America and I could eat it everyday of my life.

As for the night time adventure, it was fun, but very odd. See, I went out with Bessica and another friend and we had the exact same night about a month ago. The thing was, I didn’t realize this till the evening was almost up and then I was completely freaked out. Me and Bessica went out with the same friend, to the same beer, sat at the same table, talked about the same things, left at the same time, walked home the same way and I made the exact same stupid comments on our walk to the subway. It was completely random and I didn’t realize it till I stopped in the 1/3 convenience store, 2/3 porn shop in Times Square for a bottle of water. I stood there and was like, I did this last month, at the same place with making Bessica wait out front with the cops in the doorway of a large tit show place. Then it all clicked, we were even walking on the same streets and I pointed out the same things this time. We stopped and were like, this entire night already happened and it weirded me out, lets never talk about it again.

SATURDAY: This day started out slightly different. It began with making me think about things I do and/or say I would do. The deal: what if you witnessed a horrible fight on the subway, what would you do? My first reaction and answer, run the fuck away from it. Get as far as possible and do not get hit by anything or blood on your clothes. Well, that is what I always say and thought I would do. Saturday was my day to test this question/ answer and I got the answer wrong.

I witnessed a fight on the #6 train. Two guys jumped these other two guys and one of them threw one of the others threw the window of the door between the cars. It was the grossest thing I have seen in a long time. He went threw it with his head and then laid lifeless, on his back in the window frame with broken glass everywhere. The other two guys kept fighting and the thrower then kept hitting the guy laying in the window. I did not get up and run away. I, with 4 other guys all ran at it and broke it up. I watched 4 huge guys beat the crap out of each other and one of them even went through a window and I tried to do something. It happened so quickly and I was sitting next to everything and after the initial shock of what I was watching I jumped up. Me and this other guy grabbed one of the guys and then the train stopped and all four ran off. We all just stood there and could not believe what we watched. I saw a fight and tried to stop it. Who am I? Where did that come from? The last time I was faced with something horrible was in my old midtown office I was working in. The "the buildings going to explode" siren went off and I pushed over a pregnant woman and ran away from my co-workers, sprinting down the stairs/ out the building and 10 blocks uptown. I am usually not good in those situations and get into "#1 is it mode". But this time was different. I reacted and helped. Who am I?

I then spent the rest of the day reading the paper in 10 different spots throughout the city. It was perfect weather and I wanted to just be outside, doing what I do. I can reread the paper a hundred times a day and never get bored and end up commenting out loud and yelling at the Business section. I honestly went from bench to bench and park to park, just reading. I hung out at the basketball courts in the East Village and watched the hard cure city guys kick the crap out of each other. I love that court. I don’t even play basketball or like watching it, but could watch those guys on that court for hours. They are true, hardcore New Yorkers and play ten times harder then the pros. I even sat on a bench in the scary park next door to the courts.

I probably spent the most time in Washington Square park, my favorite park in NYC. I spend so much time watching the chess players, they are amazing. I still have yet to play one, but always get challenged and think about it for a second and then get nervous. This time, there was this young (maybe 15 yr old) girl playing one of the homeless guys. She was excellent and I was helping her a little, but she was pretty much playing on her own and he finally did win, but she put up a good effort and show. I think if I ever do play, I will have to take up smoking again and chain smoke the entire game. I have no issues with the crowd or pressure, but making a stupid mistake and blowing the game over a careless move. Then again, they are pretty nice and will usually not let you fuck up and stop you from being “that guy”. Seriously, soon, I will walk up and sit down and play.

While in Washington Square Park, I randomly ran into Aimee and we sat and watched the festival going on around us. It was a Hare Krishna festival with free food and pamphlets. I tried to learn and understand but could not get past the haircuts. I would really be the ugliest follower out there, I don’t do the shaved head thing.

I finally ended up at Burritoville in the Village. It is one of my favorite restaurants/ hangouts and they have this outdoor garden and the food is kind of healthy and very filling. I sat there for about an hour and a half, reading the paper for the third time and eating and even taking a 5 minute snooze. Bessica then called and came to meet me.

We decided to walk to the L train, via the most random path through the West Village. While walking, we were stopped by this camera man and asked if we would like to be interviewed. He explained it was for a news station and University in Japan. The interview will be about living in NYC (pre 9.11 and post), where we were on 9.11, where we hang out and work and our general opinion and feeling on NYC. Let me just tell you, he asked the two perfect people in America. I love being on camera and we both love NYC and can talk about it for hours. We set up and did the interview together and rocked the house. The one thing that scared me about what the camera man said was, “people in Japan love NYC and want to know everything about it, but for the last 9 months, only hear about anthrax and falling buildings. They think the city has fallen down and what is left, is one huge deadly disease“. How sad is that?

Saturday night: I had a date! I have been asked out by the crazy “Pottery Barn life/ lizard kisser/ simulator of sex” date many times in the last few weeks. I have been nothing but mean and a total ass about it and completely blown this person off, until now. See, I needed a crazy evening and wanted a good story and figured, this time I was going into it with the opinion, “NO time” and if you piss me off, I am out. (This did not work and I am a fool.)

I was told that we would be going to some classy, fun, HBO party with 2 other people. We met, went to a bar (since this is all I know how to do) and had a few drinks and waited for the friends to call. Time continued and no call. I finally asked, are we going to the party tonight? The date responds: what party, what are you talking about, I mean, I’m not sure, maybe later, I haven’t gotten the call yet. I then realized I have been scammed and need to turn the tables and will not walk away without the upper hand. I become pretty much, asshole Richie and get extremely short and quick and snappy with ALL comments. I even mumble shit and then decide to say it face out. I question this entire date and if there was a party? I get the lame response of, there was no party and I had to lie, to get you to see me (then the crying started). I wanted to walk!

I decided I was going to get something good out of this and explain my opinion. “I have been lied to and crying does not work on me, I don’t care. I was asked out by YOU and somehow just paid the entire bill. We are leaving here and going to a place I want to go to and I get to order the drinks I want and I can talk to whoever I want and you will pay. You owe me and will do this or I am leaving and you will never hear from me again. Walk with or peace.” I sat up and walked out and within 5 seconds, the date comes running out. I jumped on the bus and of course the date forgot the metro card and I had to ask people on the bus for quarters, since we had no change. We got none and the driver felt bad, so let the date on for free. I explained to the date, this will cost you something good.

We got to the lounge and I immediately sat down and ordered Metro’s, then Green Apple Martini’s, then vodka and sprint, then beers. The entire time we sat and drank, I listened to like 5 seconds of the apologizing and crap. All I heard, I am so sorry for doing this and especially for getting all drunk last time and doing and saying everything I did. I let the date know that the story about tonight was pretty good and I was fooled, so I deserve what I get. When I was asked, I did not question the important details: time/ place, etc. I got scammed and should have for being stupid. But the first date was out of control and what kind of reply do I get, “well, my therapist told me I need to bring you to one of my sessions and you will understand more”. I almost spit my drink out and laughed for a good 10 minutes. I figured I needed to get out now and it was 2 AM and I could still get to the deli for a cup of coffee and paper, if I leave now. I stand up and tell the date to pay the tab and I am leaving. I walk out and within seconds the door is open and the drama starts. Blah, blah, blah and more blah. My response, “listen, you are not that fun and I did not like the first date and only came tonight for the party. I am leaving and can not understand why you are freaking out, we DON’T know each other.” I get, “we do know each other and have so much in common and our souls are connected.” I burst out laughing, again, and explain nicely, “I have no soul and have no connection and really have no time for this and do not want to be contacted again. Thanks for the drinks, it has been interesting and let the doctor know I am not coming and please don’t call”. I jumped in a cab and watched as the date freaked out on the curb.

People really are crazy!

June 10th @ 10:03 PM - An eventful weekend tired my ass out, the story...

FRIDAY: It started out with a women stealing my last $1.50 on my subway card. She totally scammed me and I was not about to go down without a fight. She slid her card in the machine and it was “insufficient” and without me noticing this, I slid mine through. She walked through it with my slid, with my $1.50. I yelled at her and she turned back and laughed at me and said, "Oh well, you should be more careful next time". I lost it and of course there was no man in the booth and no machine to be found. I started to run up the stairs and make the sprint a block down the street to the other entrance, until I saw a subway ATM in the corner. I ran to it as fast as I could and was quickly trying to refill my card. I heard the train approaching and the woman was watching me from the platform. I knew she was wishing the train was faster and I was wishing the machine was faster. I was not going to let her get away from me. The train arrived and I ripped my card out of it and went running and shot through the turn-style and jumped at the closing subway doors. I made it! I was in the same car as her and when she noticed me, she got up and went walking to the next car. I followed her and began walking as fast as I could. About two trains down the row, she stopped and sat down. I walked right up to her and stood directly over her. There were plenty of open seats, but I stood one inch from her legs and looking down upon her. I asked her, "are you having a nice ride on my card?" She said nothing, I bend down slightly and asked her, "why would you take the last amount on my card and laugh, who do you think you are?" She looked at me, with the most terrified look and asked me, "if I give you $1.50, will you leave me alone?" I responded, "yes, give it to me now." She hands me the money and I sat right next to her and hawk eyed at her for the rest of the train ride. (It had nothing to do with the money, it was the principle, she stole my subway ride and laughed at me and thought she could get away with it.)

Then I went and got another great haircut and for the first time in 3 years, purchased a different type of gel. I am a gel user and love it and never leave my house without the appropriate amount of hair gel. Even if it is raining out, or I am going running, I will still rinse and gel before I walk out of the door. I have been using gel since freshmen year in college and rarely ever change brands. Well, this will be a day in history for me, I switched from gel to molding paste. I decided it would be a good time for a change and no better product to try it with, than molding paste. My hair dresser explained it to me and demonstrated how to properly apply it and how to style it with "the paste" in mind. I will have to report back in a few days and let everyone know how I am doing with this new venture.

I was then walking down the street and saw a girl who was an identical twin of the main girl in "Welcome to the Dollhouse". She also played DJ's girlfriend on "Roseanne" and could be one of the ugliest people in America. I am not being mean and shallow, well, a little, but if you have seen her on TV, you know who I am talking about. Train-wreck just starts the description.

While waiting for Aimee, on the corner of 21st and 8th Ave. I got approached by an elderly man, who I thought was going to ask for directions or something. But instead, asked me how much for an hour of my services? I looked at him and could not decide if I wanted to cry or hit him. He thought I was a hooker.

I then ventured to the Chelsea projects and hung out in one of my favorite parks in NYC. It is located on 24th street, between 8th & 9th Ave. The park/ projects are a combination between elderly and low income (I've got 10 small kids) families. I watched an old man walk around with a large parrot on a stick and all it would say was, "Hi Ed, Hi Ed, Hi Ed". I got frustrated and needed to move to a different bench. I also watched the cutest old couple with there dog. He sat on the bench and she laid on it, with her head in his lap and the dog sat next to him. He was holding and eating grapes and feed both his wife and dog them for a good half an hour. Some old people are so cute (the ones who don't ask you to have sex with them for money).

I got my first pedicure and it was awesome. When she shaved the bottoms of my feet, it looked like wood chips flying everywhere, but it was my skin. Then she massaged and lotioned them. I have structurally nice feet, but I do not take care of them (ex- lotion and crap), but now they are nice.

The scariest part of my day, I ran into my stalker. Well, my old stalker who has not bothered my for a few months, but the person who was stalking me and then stopped, was who I bumped into. This was the first encounter since the original meeting and talking on the street. I really don't feel like going through a play-by-play of our convo, but I will let you know, I think I finally put an end to this.

Some details: I was innocently walking down the street when I noticed someone coming directly at me and then this person was pointing at me. I realized who it was and froze. I tried to then take a few steps back, but could not. The stalker was standing in front of me and began a convo like we were old best friends. I couldn't speak in sentences and barely said anything. I freaked out and could only get out, "you called me a million times". I then started to run. I took a few large steps backwards and headed down the street. I quickly stopped and realized this was going to make it worse and the calling would now start again and I needed this out of my mind. I turned back around and went off and made a scene and screamed, very loudly. I said things like, "NEVER ever call me again" and "If you ever see me walking down the street again, say nothing, think nothing and pretend you have NO idea who I am" and "I don't know who you think you are or who you think I am, but leave me the fuck alone, NO time" and "If I find out you ever mention my name again, I promise, I will hunt you down and make your life hell, get the fuck out of my face and walk away now". I was AWESOME and people gathered around and cheered me on. I walked away with the head high and knowing that it was finally over. (That lasted for about a second, then a quickly ran down a side street, this way, I watched if I was being followed.)

This is extremely long and only up till Friday evening, I still have so much more!

June 9 - 12th @ every second of the day

I am having problems with Works and until they are solved, I can not post (long story). I will hopefully figure it out tomorrow and I have a few past postings so do not plan on going out for lunch tomorrow.

June 8th @ 4:41 PM -
This weeks CD (and I have already received one request for a copy):
-Avril Lavigne: Complicated
-Britney Spears (live from Vegas): Boys
-NSYNC & Nelly: Girlfriend (Remix)
-Eminem: Without Me
-Freelance Hellraiser's Remix (Beastie Boys- Body Movin' vs. Britney Spears- Crazy): Crazy Movin'
-Kelly Osbourne: Papa Don't Preach
-Nelly: Hot in Herre
-J Lo featuring Nas: I'm Gonna Be Alright (Remix)
-Britney Spears: Overprotected
-Mary J Blige featuring Ja Rule: Rainy Dayz
-P Diddy featuring Usher: I Need a Girl (Remix)
-Eminem featuring Elton John (live): Stan
-Goo Goo Dolls: Here is Gone
-Craig David: Walking Away
-Def Leppard (live): Pour Some Sugar on Me

June 7th @ 11:35 AM - So I just found out, one of my childhood friends just got engaged. Her and her boyfriend went to Hawaii for 3 weeks and on the first night, on a cliff with the sunset, he pulled out the ring and popped the question. She answered with yes and I can bet, had the most sex filled vacation of there lives. (We shall call her Sally.)

While growing up, one set of my grandparents lived in the same town as I did. They lived a few minutes away from me and this girl lived in the same neighborhood as them, only one street away. We played together as children and went to the same school from K to 12th grade.

Back in high school, I was in this not so good long term relationship, which I rarely ever talk about. It was the most self destructive and abusive relationship, but since it was my first, I did not know any better (I thought fights with knives, hot irons and lamps were okay). Anyway, it was my senior year and I had cracked. I wasn't in a very good place and talked to no one about it. My parents took my out of school for about a week and I had the line up of doctors and pills. Sally knew something was wrong with me and came over to my house and we sat and talked for hours. This may not sound odd, but it was, mostly because we were not good friends throughout school. We knew each other and talked, but up until this point, we did not hang out or talk on a social level at all. She had a feeling something wasn't correct in the world of Richie and wanted to help. She was the only person I talked to this stuff about and we became close friends.

Our last homecoming dance was approaching and I was set to go with the horrible girlfriend. About 2 days before it, Sally asked if I wanted to go with her. I was shocked and said yes. This obviously caused the biggest war in the world between me and the girlfriend and eventually would slightly lead to the downfall of the dysfunctional relationship. (I still secretly thank Sally for having a set of balls and asking me.) That night was one of the greatest high school memories I have. I set aside all issues and had a great time with a great person.

Ever since then, me and Sally have stayed in contact and now we both live in NYC and get to actually see each other every other month or so. She was one of the first people that taught me to stand up for myself and do what I wanted and not care what others thought or said. I am grateful...

Oh yeah, Sally also just finished her third year of med school, congrats! It is nice to know that I will soon have a doctor as a good friend, plus her fiancée is also in med school. If you are wondering whatever happened to the high school girlfriend - The Story: Even though we were in a 1 plus year relationship, I told her I was going to the dance with someone else. We dated for a few more months on and off and finally I grew a set/ wised up and had the last word. She then went off to Yale, where I heard she bounced around from guy to guy for the first few years and then was classified as one of the Yale sloots. After that, I have no idea and could care less - NO TIME, just take a look.

June 7th @ 10:32 AM - First off, the blinds I am constructing are fab. They are cooler than anything I could have purchased at Pottery Barn or the like. I realize they are not 100% completed or hung yet, but as of now, they are the coolest things I have ever built.

Yesterday was one of the greatest days in history. Aimee‘s rents came over and actually hung out for more than 5 minutes. They toured the apartment and were nice about it and sat at the kitchen table I built and ate pie.

They then took us to Bay Ridge and showed us a piece of there pasts. See, both of them grew up in Brooklyn and gave us a tour of the old neighborhood. They took us to the houses they both grew up in, the church they got married in, there first apartment and the first house the bought. Aimee's dad was so excited and told us a million stories from back in the day (while using expression like, "she was the cats meow"). He pointed out every one of his childhood friends houses and the different street corners that had important meanings. Growing up, he was a tuff Brooklyn kid and took us to the park where he would fight with his friends and prove his high ranking in the crew.

The best part of the evening was when they took us to eat in one of the restaurants where they had one of there first dates. Aimee's dad told more stories and I sat there quietly, completely entertained. The event was perfect, until I opened my mouth.

We were in the caravan driving back to our apartment and I was asked a question. Everyone was quiet and I, of course, yelled my answer, "Fuck NO". I immediately went silent and Aimee bursts out, screaming in laughter. I sat there thinking: How can I cover this up? Maybe they didn't hear it? Who can I blame it on? Why did I have to curse? Why did I have to use the worst word possible? What am I going to do? They hate me now. They just shared there childhood with me, took me to dinner and paid and then I disrespect them in there own car. What is wrong with me?

I looked at Aimee and tried to play it off/ change the subject/ wipe the deer in headlights expression off my face. I couldn't really do anything to save myself. I cursed in front of Aimee's little mother.

PS= Add salt to it: When I screamed the "bad" word, we were talking about things we would save from our apartment if the building was on fire. I had listed my top 5, then was asked, "what about K Parker?" and I responded with, "Fuck NO". So not only did I use the worst word in there car, but I told them, I would kill my puppy. Thank gosh they have known me, FOREVER and think I am funny.

Side note: K Parker would be in my top 10 things to save, so all you animal rights people can simmer.

June 5th @ 11:01 AM - Topic #1: Congrats to the USA soccer team. They kicked Portugal's ass this morning (huge upset). Personally I did not think they would win and would have a repeat of the '98 World Cup.

I am not a sports kind of guy. I only like going to soccer and hockey games, anything else completely looses my interest in like 10 minutes, ex. Football, Basketball and especially, Baseball. I do not understand how people can couch watch sporting events all day long. It is slow and brain draining. I will try to watch a Yankees game on TV and after 15minutes, I feel brain dead and like I just lost 2 days of my life.

I sometimes wish that the USA got more excited for the World Cup and soccer. The rest of the world is soccer crazed and gets so involved in the games and events. When I was in Spain, I went to so many games and it was out of control. The streets were full of people and everyone wore the jersey of the team they were pulling for. My team was Real Madrid and I had the purple jersey and purple towel. The best game I ever saw was Real Madrid vs. Barcelona (they are rivals) and the entire country was involved and closed all offices and work. I wish the USA paid as much respect to soccer players as other athletes (or maybe just paid them equal salaries).

Topic #2: "Silence of the Lambs" is one of the best movies ever made. The second one was pretty good, but was missing something. I just found out, they are making another one, but this will be a prequel to the original and it is suppose to be excellent. And yes, Anthony will again put on the mask.

Topic #3: I was talking to a friend of mine a few weeks ago and she was telling me about this new exercise program she is participating in. I did not really believe her, mainly because it sounded slightly out-of-control.

Then, this morning, I was talking to a different friend and she was telling me about the same classes. I was completely hysterical and still am not sure if I believe it or not. She was telling me that it is the greatest workout in the world, better than any spinning, aerobic or dance classes. She kind of compared it to boxing classes, it works on every single muscle and teaches you something. I took boxing classes for about a year in DC and loved them. They kick your ass and work out the entire body and taught me some new fighting moves.

My friend has dropped 10 pounds, completely toned up, has learned a few new dance moves and it is helping her and her boyfriends love life (so she says). Click on the link and check under the Featured Classes and it is #8. I think this is kind of cool.

June 4th @ 10:42 PM - So I have this constant battle in my head. It is on going and every five seconds I flip sides on who I want to win. I really need to figure my shit out, process and accept.

This battle is between the Richie I am and the Richie I could be. To be more specific, it is about my career and life. This is story: I love the business world. I love waking up in the morning, putting on a suit, getting the Journal/ cup of coffee and getting on the subway. It is such a NY thing and a total sign of success (in my head). I have been doing that for 3 years and my favorite part of it, making money. I am a money hungry bastard and I will completely admit it. I measure success and happiness on money/ wealth. I need nothing else in my life except money and will be rich and powerful one day.

See, that is Richie and who I have been for three years. Where things start to get tricky, I hated my job and profession. I liked it at first, but always knew it wasn't something I was going to be doing long term. It was a great place to start and make a lot of cash, but required few brain cells and stability did not exist.

More confusion: I have this creative, art side of me that continually comes out, no matter how hard I try to hide it. I love art. I love creating it and discussing it and getting that inspired feeling you get after something triggers that part of the brain. When I was younger I wanted to do something in the art world and be that guy. I pretty much concentrated my entire high school career on my art and in the art lab. When I got to college, my rents pushed me to art, I of course went the other way. I was away and free and needed to do the opposite of everything they said (I regret this behavior every day of my life, but I was 18).

Last June I decided I wanted/ needed to get into the art world. I was meant to be there, in some sort of capacity. I started to investigate different jobs and companies and quickly realized I was not qualified for anything, without an art degree or 20 years in the bus. I researched schools and programs and had the idea of going back to school floating in the back of my head for a few months.

Then 9.11 happened and it completely put everything into perspective for me. I almost died because of a job I didn't even like. During that morning and one of the moments I chose to fight to live, I made a promise to myself. My promise: If I make it out alive, I will change my life. I will do what I want to. I will not let myself die while working at a horrible job. I will go to art school and at least make the effort. One will never know what is going to happen tomorrow and I want to at least attempt to work towards my dream.

A week after that, as I was sitting on the couch and I finally came out of shock, I remembered my promise and decided to press on. No time like today. I applied to three schools/ programs and after many essays, interviews, meetings and showings, I got in. I honestly didn't think I would get in to any of them and I said to myself, if you get in Richie, you will go. I am not sure how I got into my #1 program, they only accept 200 people a year and get thousands upon thousands of apps and I was going up against the best of the high school seniors and the people going back to school, but have been working in some type of art for the last number of years. I do realize this was huge and I am very impressed with myself (don't think I am all casual about getting accepted).

Now this is my battle, do I do it? I need to make a decision now. Either I have to say yes and get some type of small night/ weekend job (such as bartender) or jump back into the corporate world and get a real job. It is such a huge decision for me and I fight with myself all day long, every single day.

School: Do I, give up two years of my life and become a student again? What if I suck and can't do it? What if I do it and don't like it? I will have no money and have to go back to living like a poor college kid. What if I don't have enough money to pay rent? Am I ready to give up my business life and suits? Am I ready to have the craziest schedule: in classes, when not in classes, in the art lab, when not in the lab, working, when not working, at the gym. That leaves me with negative 2 hours a day. Am I ready to have no weekends or weekend nights to party with friends? Do I want to have to come home at like 3 in the morning and walk the bridge and then stay up studying and painting?

What I am thinking: If I am ever going to do it, it will be now. My rent is cheap and I am still young and have somewhat mentally prepared myself (well not really). If I jump back into Corporate America, the same may and probably will happen. I will work for 3 - 4 years, make the money and then be miserable and burnt out. The corporate world will always be there and waiting for me, tomorrow or in 2 years from now, but same goes for art school. I could always try a semester and if I don't like it, skip town and become the 9 to 7 suit. When else in my life will I actually have money for school and supportive rents who want me to be happy. I don't want to miss my chance or regret anything. But can I really do it? If I do it, I 100% do it. I am not a half ass person and will give all and go the extreme (so cancel the try a semester and skip town deal).

The battle: suit, subway, Corporate America and money vs. poor college student, sleeping weird hours, working crazy jobs, maybe- happiness with career.

Any suggestions??? (And don't say, look inside yourself, the answers are hiding. That is bullshit and you know it!)

June 4th @ 10:51 AM - This pause in the journal was not on purpose, I have just been busy with other projects and not living on my laptop.

Charles was up this past weekend and we had a great time.

I have been extremely creative within the last week and the art is rolling. A few examples: updating the drawing pad, painting pictures and walls, design and build very large window covers and screens, fix the kitchen table and design a screen door.

The story of my life.

INTRO: Rules for MY web page, bitch session, and WORLD: I post what I want to and about who I want to. I will only randomly be using names or pronouns, do not ask me who I am referring to, if you know me. Oh yeah, you will most definitely not be reading any intelligent postings made by me. If you like reading brain-dead sites about nothing real, feel free to check as often as you would like. I will be posting about my life, my adventures around NYC, pop trash (obviously), my nameless friends and random shit. If you know my few friends that have journal type pages, mine will not be very similar, mainly, NO poetry or intelligent revelations. If you are interested, please read on...

Have fun and I hope you enjoy!

Chalance
LittlePrince
Fishglass
Waarat
Marie

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I'm the star of "The Richie Show"