Monday, January 1st
I finally got to see Gladiator last night. Russell Crowe sure is yummy. I've had a little crush on him for a while now. Normally I don't get the "hollywood lust" but some actors or actresses just stand out.
Saturday, December 30th
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." - Jean-Paul Sartre
Christmas went well
I feel like I am suffocating.
I have went to interview after interview and no one will give me a chance and the bills are coming in the mail and adding on to the hospital bills from the past year, not to mention the credit card that i've had to live off from for the last 5 months. Sometimes I come so close to picking something up and throwing it as hard as I can at my husband and screaming at him, "Fucking DO something, GET A FUCKING JOB!!", but I don't. I do throw it in conversation alot but it gets nowhere.
I NEED to leave this dead end town and go somewhere where I can LIVE. There are no jobs here, nothing to do here and I just feel like dying when I am here. It steals your hopes and steals your soul. Of course, with no money, where am I going to go?
I was so close to finally being happy out in Minnesota and that all seems so far away now.
When I have been feeling like I have been close to my boiling point lately I have just been reliving some of our greatest moments from our trips. I imagine that I am kneeling next to a river filtering some of the icy glacial water to drink and I look up and take in the mountians that surround me. I think of the nights cozied up in my sleeping bag trying to get to sleep despite the cold. I think of the happiness that I felt when we first pulled into Seattle or Portland because I was finally able to visit the places I had wanted to explore for SO long.
The pixie is half-crawling absolutley everywhere. She'll spy something she knows isn't one of her toys and beelines over to it in a flash. She fancies strings the most so we have to keep a close eye on her.
I just put the pixie down to nap with Cadallaca, it was my first time listening to the whole cd as I just got it for Christmas. She seemed to dig it. ;) I'm updating to some Ween right now though.
Oh yeah, I found this quite a while back. Interesting. I would like to see some more!
Happy New Years to all of you. Please be safe.
Sunday, December 24th
Snowman fun
And...snowglobe fun thanks to louise!
Got up around 1am this morning with the pixie and flipped on the tube. Chasing Amy was on, YAY!! It's one of my favorite movies. Though Mr. Affleck REALLY needs to get rid of that goatee, it does nothing for him.
Oh yeah, I find a site for these beautiful punk rock prairie girl dresses. I found them in person while passing through Boulder last summer but didn't have any spending money on me. Too bad she isn't selling them on the site.
I found a couple of great photography pages:
- In Transit
- David Perry Studios
Friday, December 22nd
While hanging out in line at the Honeybaked Ham store today to pick up my mom's free ham, some 40ish yr old man started making all sorts of small talk with me. The same thing happened at an internet company I interviewed for, while I was waiting for my appointment.
This just doesn't happen to me. Maybe it's the hair. If that's the case, I should have cut it a long time ago! Hopefully it isn't just an indication that I am getting old. :(
Oh, and it looks better now than in my bio. That picture was taken this summer after a butcher job of a "haircut", I was fuming when I got home from that one.
Jeez, about an hour ago, I let my dog in and she was acting strange. I called her over and she was reluctant to come. Finally, she came and as soon as she stepped up to me something dropped out of her mouth. It was dark, but I had a suspicion as to what it was. She has this neurotic habit of eating the doody of the elder dog in the house. It is nasty but we haven't been able to break her of it. Sure enough, when I flipped the light up, there lie a frozen segment of doody. Lovely.
Reminder: Meteor Shower at 12 degrees North tonight for those of you with clear skies. That would not be including me since we have a system of snow that refuses to leave our area.
If I don't update before Sunday: Have a good holiday everyone!!
Thursday, December 21th
Another interview today, hopefully this time I can nail the job. It pays 10 bucks an hour, I can live with that.
There is a discussion going on about this page at hipMama, what do you think? I think it is a sick ploy to create another Britney Spears. And a playground for pedophiles.
Damn, I wish there was an IKEA around here! The closest one to me is on the west end of Chicago, about a 5-6 hour drive I would think. I would REALLY like to get there to get Ariana some things. ARRGGHH!!
My big ol' Mr. Kitty is getting more and more funky growths all over his body, I am going to take him in and see what the vet. thinks and decide if euth. is going to be the right thing. I can't stand the thought of waking up one day to a dead kitty.
Wednesday, December 20th
WILL IT EVER STOP SNOWING?
Hey all you daddies out there: Here is a site just started by a new daddie for daddies (like hipMama), he still has work to do but his message board is up and running.
Okay, this new show called Temptation Island is the most ridiculous "reality-based" idea yet!
more later
Saturday, December 16th
It's amazing the things that you realize that you missed when you stop living in a everlingering cloud of alcohol and hangovers.
I just got back from my nephew's 4th birthday party. Now that I am starting to spend more time with him, my brother and sister-in-law, I realize what an ass I have been in the past. My husband and I spent almost 6 years being drunk or at least buzzed over 50% of the time and at least half of that being high. And the sad part is, the thing that brought me away from that the most was the violent encounters I started having with him, one in particular in which I finally called the police. It made me step back and take a good look at our lifestyle. Actually, that incident was about 2 years ago now but to this day in certain situations, I am still afraid of him. Meanwhile, I missed out on a lot of family oriented stuff that could have been good for me. Of course, my husband isn't quite ready to leave that lfe behind, which is a real problem with me. I would rather the pixie not grow up like I did, a father with a beer or drink in his hand all of the time and the drinking temper to go along with it. I'm not putting down anyone that "indulges", I just know that I am ready to cool it. As it is, I catch a buzz off of one beer now, I'm such a softie.
I think that is enough for today.
Tuesday, December 12th
Quote of the day:
"I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time." - Charlie Brown
A new picture of the pixie. Look at her cute mary janes, maroon cords and the onesie I made with a Stella Marrs postcard image!!
Always a bunch of links here to keep you busy on a snowy day.
I really like her layout and blog. Check her out.
Ack!! 18 inches of snow overnight!!
Monday, December 4th
I had a bit of a problem yesterday. I was on my way to my volunteer session and happened to glance down at my gas gauge and noticed a light. Usually it would be the low fuel light but this time it was my radiator light. Uh oh. I pulled off at the exit I was getting ready to pass and into a Shell parking lot to use the phone. After I hopped out of the car the antifreeze came rolling out as did the steam. After 3 fruitless attempts to call my husband, I had to call my mom for help. That meant a half-hour wait out in the cold. Thank goddess the pixie was not with me. I have decided I had better make up an emergency bag with extra warm things just in case. Oh, it turns out a hose blew and that's all. What a relief.
If you are a fan of cheesy travel related stuff check out Roadtrip store. The items for sale have a bit too much emphasis on Route 66 for my tastes but that's just my opinion.
Nighty night - I'm going to bed.
Sunday, December 3rd
A Quote for today:
It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe...- unknown
I have been doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do. I've had a few mini-breakdowns because of our situation. Not to mention the fact that my MIL told my husband that "It's not that baby's fault that you two don't want her...", EXCUSE ME?? I felt it was WAY out of line on her part. I am TRYING to find work in this dead-end area, I AM trying to get back on our feet. I can only do SO MUCH!!
Wednesday, November 19th
I was sitting at the B&N wrapping table tonight and a girl walks up to me and was asking if I was at the Humane Soc. open house last year. I said yes and commented that she looked familiar. It turns out she was a girl that I worked on an adoption for last winter. We don't normally hold animals but we really felt that she would be a great owner but she would be going away for a few days. So I set the dog up for surgery and basically put her on hold until the girl was back in town. She told me tonight that everything is going great and that she is doing wonderful in her new home!!
That's nice to hear because one of the adoptions I did around the same time did not turn out so well. I loved the dog and she was great at the shelter and at the news appearence that we did but when she got into the home, she started piddling on the carpet. :( They ended up returning her to the shelter. Unlike the shelter in Mpls, the shelter here doesn't have the room or the time to work TOO much with dogs that have behavior problems or whatnot so I am afraid to know what happened to her. I sort of feel responsible because she may have worked out better in a different home and I would have worked with her if I had of been there but I left for Minnesota soon after. Poor Jackie. :(
I gave the husband an ultimatum, he has until the first of the year to get his act together or I will be leaving to get something going for Ariana and myself. I don't know what else to do...
Monday, November 27th
We had some excitement last night, if you can call it that. The pixie decided to fall out of bed in her sleep causing me and her daddy to jump out of our beds freaking out (him moreso, I must note.). She cried for a second and after I wisked her up off the floor and all was okie-dokie. Whew. Funny thing is, I was just looking at the sale ads and saw a bed rail on sale and was discussing getting one that morning. She must of heard me and wanted to prove to me that, YES, we do need one, mama.
Started a new temp job through a new agency this morning. Basically a bunch of mindless data entry, but hey, it pays 9 bucks and its better than nothing.
Damn, now that I am working late I can't get to the shoe store that is going out of business over by the college. Everything is half off and I wanted to see if they had any purple, maroon or black converse for cheap. Or should I say the price they USED to go for. My first pair cost me $16 and my most recent pair, $30. Ah, the good ol' days...
Ugh, While I was at my brother's house watching my nephew and my sisters (Stepfather was in hospital) I poked through his copy of Maxium that had come in the mail while they were gone. I'll tell you what, there are a LOT of men that are a-holes in this world and that magazine is trying to breed more.
Quote (loosely) "If you would like your girl to lose some weight, don't come right out and say it if you still want to be able to get some ass, next time she complains about her weight, mention that you think that you have been feeling a bit heavy lately and she'll think, "Oh, if my fit and sexy man is feeling bad about himself, I had better get myself in shape."...
It was something along those lines and it was supposed to be written by a woman giving men tips on how to mold their wife/girlfriend into what they want. That was only the tip of the iceberg. I wish I had the article here so I could quote it more directly. Basically it instructed readers to lie to their women to get them to change into what THEY want and to give it up more often. Whatever. It was just a bunch of schlock.
Sunday, November 26th
Hello. The pesky little earache is back - Ouucchhh.
Eekk, we found a pesky virus in our computer so anyone I've sent e-mail to in the last 3 days: KILL IT!! I think I can track the damn thing to a godamn "card" I got in my e-mail this week. It was from a place called Greet King, so be forewarned. The only reason I opened it is because my SIL has been known to send me e-cards on holidays and b-days. Thank god for Norton.
Is pesky a word?
Well, I had no rude customers for the B&N wrapping party Friday nor today. I did meet a cool chick who was volunteering for the first time today. I would have liked to talk to her a bit more but I was forced to take the pixie along and she was being very feisty. So, I didn't get much done at all. :(
Tensions are getting higher in the household. As soon as I find work, I am out of this house. I just cannot take living here anymore.
Friday, November 24th
Okay, all of you perverts that keep searching for women+pissing and getting my site: PISS OFF. Sorry to disappoint but I don't get it and don't want to.
That said, I will move on.
I forgot today was "Buy Nothing Day" and went and bought a couple of somethings!!
I picked up ericka's Smithers thingy, picked the pixie up a hoodie and some supercheap sweats and got one more thing for my secret santa gig. Oops.
I hope everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving. I won two games of Skip-Bo at my Grandma's, a game that I haven't actually played in years.
Tonight is my book wrapping job at the Barnes and Noble. I hope I don't get any rude people because I am tired and don't want any shit. The pixie is doing some heavy duty teething and hasn't been sleeping well. I had to get up at 7:00 this morning to watch my nephew and add the crowd fighting while shopping to the equation = one tired mama.
The beast has awakened - bye...
Wednesday, November 22nd
I changed the title. Since I bitch and moan so much here, I thought it would be fitting. It's what I ask my Ariana when she is whining.
I am a happy gal. I am getting back into volunteering at the humane society here in Michigan after a hiatus of sorts. I will be wrapping books at Barnes and Noble for the shelter. Of course, this has the potential to be scary, dealing with the Christmas shopping equivelant of road rage.
I had a funny almost-sex dream about Issac of Modest Mouse last night. I think the ONE Murphy's Irish Amber must have brought it on. I swear!
I can't help it, I like musicians.
I've got all but one person taken care of for Christmas, thank god.
Those darn guilt inducing Salvation Army bell ringers are out in full force already this year. I barely have any pocket change to give but how do I explain that to them when I am walking into the store with a leather jacket on and a hundred dollar pair of Fluevog shoes on my feet. These were bought in times of prosperity, my friend. I just hate to walk by them as they are standing in the freezing cold. I always get sucked in by those types of situations. My husband gets mad at me because of it.
Speaking of him. Yes friends, it's offical 5 months without a job. No desire to get one unless it is in Mpls, nevermind the fact that we have bills to be paid now, that no one wants to hire me or that I am going crazy worrying about the said bills. There, that's my one big whine for tonight.
Sunday, November 19th
My husband has been on a Three Stooges kick lately. God knows why. No offense to Stooge fans but I just can't deal with sitting there and watching their silly antics.
I'm thinking about getting "fixed". I am pretty sure that I can't handle having more than one child and at this point it seems like my life will never be as stable as I would prefer. Not to mention overpopulation issues. We'll see...
Here is a neat project.
I think this hunting thing is getting out of hand. Some of our local schools and businesses had opening day off. WTF?? No one gave me the day off when I had something to do during the week, such as going to a show that wouldn't be over until after 1am, 2 hours away. Why should hunters get special treatment? It's not as if they are killing the deer in order to survive.
Another day, another rejection letter from a job lead. Came home yesterday to another letter in the mail. It is starting to seem hopeless around here. I NEED to get back to Minneapolis before the Humane Soc. job is out of reach. But, I can't do anything without cooperation from the husband. And that is a joke.
Thursday, November 16th
Rainy day here. It's a good day to sip coffee and read all day. One problem though, I have no new books. :(
It looks like going to see "The Grinch" is in my near future. I hope it's worth the bucks I'm going to spend to see it at the theatre.
For anyone out there expecting or with kids, I have a great deal for ya. Go to E-style and put in MSTWENTY for a coupon on a order over $20.01 or more and you can get $20.00 off your entire order!! (Only if this is your first purchase.) I got a bathtub (baby) for ten bucks (orig. $29.95) and some william wegman flash cards for 9 bucks on clearance. Yippee!!! Hooray for coupons.
I've been battling an earache and a husband today. Yuck.
This is a good thing. Too bad NPR is being sort of piggish about the whole thing.
Now this is totally out of line if you ask me. Why don't they concentrate on the real criminals?
Tuesday, November 14th
We finally bought Modest Mouse's newest album. We put off buying it because we had most of the songs downloaded. Boy, was I suprised when I heard it! The versions I have of the songs don't have all the extra effects so I wasn't expecting that. And obviously the effects were muffled in their live show. I hope they back off from that direction on the next release. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, boys...
I have an interview tomorrow, thank goddess. I need some money to buy a few gifts. I have a hipMama "Winter Fairy" (secret santa) gig I have to buy for, I should get my pen pal something and I need to get family taken care of, not to mention the pixie's wagon that I have on layaway. I need some loot!!!
Seal Press has a preview to Ariel's new book, "Breeder", in which members of the hipMama online community submitted essays. I didn't get one in because at the time I was a NEW mama and didn't have time, not to say it would have made it in anyway.
ERICKA - If you are reading this e-mail me if you still need the Smithers character!!! I think our K-mart has it. I can get it for you if you'd like.
Monday, November 13th
So the political saga continues...jeesshh, just throw weasel boy Bush back into the governors seat and get on with it.
I am about at the end of my rope with my situation right now. If I don't get out of this house and get settled in somewhere soon I am going to grab Ariana and move away on my own. *sniffle sniffle*
Thars snow in that thar sky....I saw flurrys today, I was beginning to think we were never going to get snow this year. Not that that's a bad thing...
Nothing new and exciting to report. The biggest event for me this weekend was my husband going out of town for three days. Oh, and I put a wagon on layaway for the pixie. WooHoo!!!
Thursday, November 9th
I forgot to post this link the other day. I saw a feature on this artist on All News Channel the other morning, she has the most beautiful hand colored black and white prints. I belive she is from Minnesota.
Here are some cute soaps that could make nice gifts.
Got home around 9:30, had a wonderful visit with Eve and Megan. For some reason, Ariana was an angel the whole time we were there, I think she was entranced by the three parrots Eve has. Maybe I should get some parrots. ;)
I feel energized after spending some time with them.
Eve was essentially a second mother to me for a few years while I was growing up. She is a strong woman that raised two kids on her own and has kept her sense of humor through it all. She and others like her are an inspiration to me. I think of them when I assess my own life and try to decide what is going to be the right choice for me. I do regret not visiting with them more often.
Here's an article about Ariel of hipMama fame and the zine/site. Also see a new interview with her in the new Utne Reader's Media section under the heading "Ariel Gore" to be specific. (I can't seem to get a direct link to it to work. :(
I'm still waiting for the perfect Mr. nice guy to swoop down and carry me away - where are you?
Wednesday, November 8th
I'm going to visit with some close friends tomorrow night. I am pretty excited because it's always nice to hang out with someone different. Besides, I am staying away from John and Amber until this election hoopla blows over, particularily if Bush does win. I don't want to get into politics with them again anytime soon.
I got a letter from the Veterinarian at the Animal Humane Soc. that I was working under. She is pretty cool, she is a younger grad. from Virginia. According to her and my supervisor, I am welcome back any time. That always makes me feel better knowing that, because more than likely we will end up back in Mpls because there are more jobs and it is much closer to my family. I can drive back home in a day (9 hours) and stay a bit.
God, I wish all this presidential suspense would just be over with. I know in my gut that more than likely Bush is it but I need to see the cold hard facts. I am really disenchanted with this whole voting thing because of the fact that Gore has the popular vote but it doesn't mean a damn thing - the electoral vote is what counts. WTF???
Could someone please tell me what possesses my husband not to work. Has he been bitten by the bum bug yet again?
My temporary job hunt has been a bust - The company I tested for on two separate occasions sent me a screw off letter Tuesday. Oh well, can't win for losing.
Friday, November 3rd
I'm tired. bleech
My frog is upset with me. I usally get crickets every Thursday for them (toad and frog), but have yet to drag myself into the petstore this week.
I guess one decision is final: My husband will be selling our '66 Impala. 
It's a sad day for me when it goes, I always pictured myself putting around town, Ariana in the back and groceries piled into the Chevette sized trunk.
*sniffle sniffle*
One more thing, I AM trying to change my layout, hopefully I can accomplish something soon.
Wednesday, November 1st
Yay!! I have some fun for you today!
First up is the Rosie the Riveter puzzle Good luck! I see the link is having trouble, hopefully it works soon.
Next, another good one from Louise. Go play with her Presidential Candidate Debate Warp.
Oh, the fun to be had with George "Dubya's" weasly little face. I saw him talking in Portland on the news this morning and he appeared frightenly like a preacher giving a sermon.
I should be getting my copy of Inga Muscio's book, CUNT: A Declaration of Independence today from amazon. I have been meaning to get it for a while now but didn't have the money this spring when I could have bought it at half-price at BookSmart in Mpls.
Go stock up on bumper stickers and t-shirts at Northern Sun, being a big fan of stickering everything up, I was happy to find out their headquarters was in Mpls, so I promptly hightailed it over there this spring to browse.
There, that should keep everyone busy for a while.
Tuesday, October 31st
Today is our justice-of-the-peace "wedding" anniversary, whooptee-doo, my husband won't celebrate anything so I don't get to have any fun.
Hooray!!! I got my zine package in the mail today. Louise is my hero!! Thank you, thank you!!! I have been sitting on a order for pander for a while now but haven't gotten the gumption to go get a cashiers check yet... I need to escape into other people's lives for a while and the computer has been blowing my eyes out for a while now, I can't take too much reading online.
I am about to go mad here at my in-laws with my husband not working and us trying to decide WTF we are going to do. I am just about to blow my top. I go for a second round of testing for a job Thursday, though I don't know why I am bothering since I won't leave the pixie with the hubs and am going to have to pay to leave her somewhere (SIL's). Arrgghh, kill me now.
Oh, yeah, we went to visit John and Amber, whom I have mentioned somewhere below, and politics came up. I told my husband that we shouldn't get into that because they are Pro-Life Republican supporters and I CANNNOT stand even hearing their BS talk about abortion.
When you are F*#ing living my life, then you can tell me what to do with my body, until then, mind your own business. I don't see them doing anything for the abused, unwanted and homeless children that were "saved" by someone decided to continue their pregnancy, all the while knowing that it wasn't right. But anyway, I better stop now while I am ahead.
Friday, October 27th
Here's a funny Playstation 2 mania story The lengths people will go to...*shaking my head*
Things may be looking up on the getting out of Michigan bit - my husband's dad has about 5 grand in bonds that belong to him that he may fork over finally. We are trying to decide between Portland, OR or back to Minneapolis at this point. Wherever we end up, I want to stay for awhile and get to know some people this time, dammit.
I about died on the way to take some tests for a job today. I was on the highway, cruise set, in the fast lane, when I decided to peek at the map of where I needed to go. Next thing I know I am hitting them little ridges that alert you the driver that you are burning off the road. Oops. I normally know better than to do something like that, but I was food deprived, so my brain wasn't functioning right. Likely excuse, huh?
Well, I'm off to go potholder shopping. Yes, you heard me right, POTHOLDERS. My mom has decided that she wants some new potholders and dammit, I'm gonna find the coolest ones on the web. No wal-mart trash will do.
