toolate.
thursday, march 11, 2004 10:46 pm

if you know me, you should already be aware that i don't like giving up. this situation just drives me mad. i'm all fucking worned out. i just don't care as much or well, not as much as i thought i did.

i've always thought i could be friends with anyone--despite the circumstances but sometimes, things don't work out that way.

i don't want fabricated fucking statements. i don't want to be analytical so i'm gonna stop. i'm tired. the last time i tried this hard, it wasn't worth it, and either is this.








breakingthe silence.
monday, march 8, 2004 3:07 pm.

so i have about two weeks left in davis. lots of new things or well, old things await me back home. my story of why i'm leaving davis gets old. i get tired of telling people...

life is full of unpredictable turns and what you want is always changing with the wind. through the midst of it all, you'll find a consistent line and things will follow through and it'll be okay. that's just something my heart chooses to believe. life works just a little bit better when you go with the flow, and stop fighting the goddamn wave. i'm happy like that.








treeaccident.
friday, march 5, 2004 12:27 pm

when a lady is cold, you offer her a damn sweater, bastard. or else, she'll push you towards a tree.








whoopdeedoo.
tuesday, march 2, 2004 12:01 am.

had a thirty minute phone conversation with lisa. eight years in the mix and we've been through a lot and it's just nice we can pick up where we left off. i think it's something we adapted early on when we both went to different junior highs in different cities.

adam once asked "so do you have a boyfriend?" "nope" "wow. really? i'm surprised."
i do it by choice. hee.

ps.
i love the way it feels when my hands are underneath yours.








hauntedimages.
wednesday, february 25, 2004 10:10 pm.

i remembered what john said to me once. "you must have been hurt to be so insensitive"
funny how a guy you've conversed with only a few times knows things right off the bat.
then again, it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. no offense, john. ;D








flashback.
sunday, february 22, 2004 5:07 pm

today, i went to two different electronic stores to try to find a compatible adapter for my laptop. i had no luck whatsoever with the search. i got the closest thing i could find and it didn't fit. my dad gets pliers, and with a little rewiring and black tape, it was perfect. for that ten minutes, it felt like i was five again--looking up to him and all.








chickensoup for the soul.
saturday, february 21, 2004 10:39 pm.

being home is nice.

ps. those socks at the corner left remind me of van's socks. the ones she used to always wear to work. i miss the girls. before i go, i'd like to mention that i keep having dreams about forever twenty-one. i don't know why. i just do. i've only had two dreams so it's not really an obsessive-complusive kind of thing. i told nat and she said, "you quit like three weeks ago and you're dreaming about it?!"








missingwhat i had.
friday, february 20, 2004 9:51 pm.

thanks to the talk with ann, i realized i know what i need to do. ironically, what i didn't want to do and what i feared to do seemed to be the best solution. it'll be good, though. to stay in san jose for three months. i'll have the chance to make it up to some san jose kids.

john came to hang out with me thursday night. a non-date thursday night, i might add. as if him being l's roommate isn't weird enough, but our instant connection was just sort of unexpected. john and i had a talk about relationships. a debate so to speak. haha. the whole relationship debate did get us both talking about our individual experiences.

all in all, i'm happy with the way things are turning up these days.








badkarma.
monday, february 2, 2004 2:55 pm.

fuck. simply put.








blindsight's a bitch.
friday, january 16, 2004 11:16 am.

let's just talk about the few guys that's crossed paths with me, ok?

guy a: he was great. behind that greatness, something ceased to catch my attention. what can i say? i was taken for granted. big time.
guy b: l was an asshole. i couldn't handle his 4+ personalities. the relationship (or lack thereof) between us was a joke to me. my feelings were rarely shedded. meh, moving on...
guy c: a has a major condescending attitude. who has the time and energy to deal with shit like that?

it's ok. i tried. i learned. i'm over it.








falsealarm.
sunday, january 11, 2004 12:07 pm.

my watch died on me. what was initially a useful piece of accessory just turned into some pretty looking thing wrapped around my wrist. it's essential usages are reflecting light, blinding people, and grabbing compliments from absolute strangers.

24 hours later = false alarm.