love you,
pita
melt my heart:
sign me original loves.
· marilyn monroe.
· natalie wood.
· men's shirt.
· a pair of cords.
· cheesecake.
· the wheel.
· clam chowder.
· coffee.
i miss you.
ps: libras are either ambition-packed or lazy. i fall into both slots. well, i'm not too lazy. i have just as much laziness as the next college student.
a tender heart.
ok, i've said this before but she deserves much gratitude. i love my mom. so things haven't always been the best between us, but... i've finally been able to look past that and see who she is for me. i can't say the same for the rest of my family. everyone seems to be stuck in this... greedy "me, me, me" phase with an exception to maybe one. i burn a hole thru a wall everytime i'm around that aura. where the fuck did the compassion go? whatever. i just don't care about being "in" with them anymore. it all would have bothered me in the past. is that too weird? shrug. i'm fuckin' over it.
little brothers suck.
there's a few upsides and downsides to things right now.
upside: i missed the gfc meeting today--it gave me time to think about it. i don't take bad omens lightly; there's some element in the air that's telling me i'm in gfc for all the wrong reasons. i know what i have to do. downside: i don't get to see the girls become real leaders.
upside: !!! i got all the classes i wanted for winter quarter. downside: i had to give up my csma art time for a biology lab. we all make little sacrifices. :( in this case, i don't get to see those six year olds conduct their mini-art projects...
upside: i found a biology book for half the original price on ebay. downside: i kept getting outbidded by a certain bidder. last i check, i was on top.
upside: she emailed me to tell me i can have it AFTER she outbidded me a last time. what the..!! incidentally, i noticed she bided on the same book from a different seller. downside (for her): i'm semi-grateful, but semi-annoyed so i might just let her have that book... forcing her to buy two identical books. hmph, that'll teach her. hee.
lilbrijj.
IM: lilbrijj. short and simple. everything else is just... gone. or it can be.
red-handed.
my list started compiling after i moved back home. coincidence? hell freaking no.
there are a few ways to go about finding missing items. you can either:
personally, i like c. you're reunited with your item again and you get to humiliate the suspect. what's not to love about c???
sidenote: ask/borrow policy. think about how much could be avoided.
cringe.
registration was surprisingly easy. the easiest i've ever had it--huge newsflash. regardless of how many plan A's or plan B's or even plan C's i have, i seem to get an amazing shot of bad luck around here.
pet peeve: criticism. not the constructive kind either. straight up criticism. i do not need to be told that the way i cook string beans is wrong. if it was some other grand dish, alright. a simple dish like string beans??? hell no. you better take your know-it-all iron chef wannabe ass out of my face...
catch me if you can.
getting things done, organizing my time and all that great biz--i've missed that feeling. it's one of the few things i liked about high school. only this time... my heart is in it.
ambiguous.
time to register for classes.
digging my toes in.
for once, i'm feeling good about things.
burning the midnight oil.
i think i'm cursed when it comes to chemistry. go with me on this. it's not that chem and i don't have a strong bond (ha... okay, i was going for a witty chemistry pun, but i had nothing, man. i'm too tired to care to make sense). i've been thru three first labs in three different chem classes. i've never reached beyond that first lab... and it's distressing and sad. i feel like i'm falling behind that pre-med trendmill; everyone's going 10 miles an hour and i'm stuck doing a 4 mile. why is there some element imbalance in the air that's stopping me from putting on those ultra-cool goggles??? (i'm not complaining. it's a little bit of late-night sarcasm) ha... give me a break. it's nearly 4am so i'm about to slide thru the threshold of psychosis.
heartfelt.
originally, i had a giant and colorful vomit of words in this entry which is the reason why i decided to delete it. it could all have been a larger-than-life feeling, or maybe i'm on point.... whatever. i'm over it.
sideburns.
ps: hi ann. i miss you.
chicken legs.
years of jr. high epic drama, menstrual cycles and high school crushes later, i see how much i hate that world i tried to squeeze in. i have to admit that the hype did initially soak me up. hey.. it was the pre-teen years. nevertheless, i shouldn't have wasted my time drooling over it--i find myself trying to run from that conformity. it's definitely comforting and nice to be a piece of a completed puzzle--being a nice fit and all, but it's never been my calling. this goes the same with my family.
being away from college, then coming back... made me out of place in my own home. i don't feel like i belong anymore. the puzzle's pretty much fulfilled and there's no room left for me. this feeling isn't totally distinct; it's always been there. to say i'm fully okay with that would be a fucking lie. i'm not, but i'm not exactly a wreck either. i've always been sort of a puzzle piece with a few punctures. a bit worned-out, but it's never been a huge problem.
in my head, i've run the scenes of my life over and over again. i know that in a couple of years, california won't be my home anymore. it's pretty... doltish of me, to sort of predestined my mailing address when i haven't hammered any critical pre-med milestones yet. so what the hell makes this different from any of the other crap i wanted?? i've never really wanted anything this bad before. aside from a pair a jeans or a must-have pair of earrings (which doesn't even compare, but it's the only thing i can think of for now.), i've never really wanted anything soo unbelievably fucking bad before. thinking about it gives me that extra burst.
in the last few months, i've been a bit unpreditable with things, so i've been jungling infinite possibilities. i finally settled down on one and i'm pretty damn sure i'm sticking to it. it makes things a whole lot better to know that i really want something.
i'm beginning to feel content about the person that i am now. here's something you gotta know about me: i love all assortment of changes. but deep down, i will always be that geeky, scrawny girl, with a homemade haircut, and round blue speckled glass. hahahahaha....
my twin feels me on this. i miss mags.
screaming from out of the box.
if you can guess what happened, damn, you're good.
· tuesday, december 14, 2004 11:05 pm
i want to do everything, and i think that's why i have such a hard time giving up the things i really want to do. it's so easy to get obsessed and overindulge in certain things--at least, that's my take on it.
· friday, december 10, 2004 11:40 pm
after popping pills every freaking 6 hours yesterday, i'm feeling a lot better. i can still feel tons of snot up my nose, but at this point, i'll take what i can get.
· thursday, december 9, 2004 4:57 pm.
while my brother was home for two days, he gave me his germs (germs which probably migrated from another fourth grader). thanks to him, i am most definitely sick.
· monday, december 6, 2004 9:33 am
i don't know why i'm doing this here, but keep this as a note.
i know i don't go online anymore. i know i've been MIA. at least... when lilbrijj goes on, you'll know it's me.
· monday, december 6, 2004 9:29 am
my "still missing" list:
1. cd player.
2. blue-striped scarf.
3. brown-striped scarf.
4. gray tank top.
5. black tank top.
a.) confront the suspect.
b.) snoop until you find it. or
c.) snoop, find it, then confront.
· saturday, december 4, 2004 5:44 pm
i've been writing a lot in here. call it a sort of burst of color. or i guess my splurge of writing is an epitome of bottled feelings and emotions. i can't imagine writing the stuff i write in my pita in my xanga. i think one of the reasons is xanga is an obligatory source of entertainment; it's something i have to do. everyone knows about it. if not, they'll find it. i'm ok with that. my pita has a little more privacy (which isn't saying much because it's a frickin public website, but alas, what's done is done). anyway, i'm pretty content with who knows it and who doesn't know it.
· saturday, december 4, 2004 1:19 am
the meeting with the girls was pretty intense. i have to admit that it was a really good first meeting. hearing what these girls had to say was man, crazy. compared to these girls, i had a pretty sheltered and naive thirteen year old's life. these girls are just... amazing.
· thursday, december 2, 2004 4:56 am
it's easy to say "it's so wrong. soo wrong." the hard part is saying "i won't ever do it" without feeling uncertain that you won't...
· wednesday, december 1, 2004 12:30 am
the first gfc meeting is thursday and i have to admit that i'm pretty excited about meeting the girls! not only do i get to be with those boy-swooning, pre-teen girls, i get to be in the company of creative, ultra-adorable six year olds wednesday nights. very cute and crazy is all i have to say for those sixteen crafty kids.
i fancy her.
· tuesday, november 30, 2004 4:00 am
ps: i love my mom. very much. she's the one grounded thing i love with my entire heart.
· tuesday, november 30, 2004 3:50 am
i've been cruising thru the pages of my chem book for 4+ hours. i'm on an apple juice break. yeah, ya heard right. caffeine makes me hustle and bustle, but after 3am, i feel my eyes beginning to flag down. today, anyway.
· monday, november 29, 2004 10:16 pm
it's funny how a person can instantly become a black sheep in the ly batch. now, let's say that that black sheep comes jam-packed with goodies for all. all of a sudden, the black sheep is rid of that color and earns her whites--the fucking color she was born with! then, comes that pseudo-gratitude which in my mind is just a good ol' run of ass-kissing. it's a crock of shit. someone painted this house artificial authenticity. what the hell gives???
· friday, november 26, 2004 1:45 am
sideburns are my new fetish. yeah, this insomnia business gets that mind tripping. it finally tripped over the topic of sideburns. they're hot. that's that.
· tuesday, november 23, 2004 1:38 am
i like these colors. a bit too much of a premature valentine's ordeal, i know, but meh, i dig it. it's funny. pink hasn't always been my favorite color, but i can't seem to escape from that pink theme when it comes to this pita. go figure.
· friday, november 19, 2004 8:30pm
ingredients for a depressing night:
1. soon-to-be bruised knuckles
2. a short-lived and unprepared breakdown
3. bursting resentment towards one certain ly.
what's a girl to do??