"the only thing i know is
melt my heart
that i know nothing at all"
-socrates.
love you,
pita
originalloves:
-running.
-pilates.
-yoga.
-lemonade-making.
-drives.
-dance.
-baking.
currentlyhip:
-those purple earrings
__i fell in love with.
-gigantic rings.
lovesick puppy.
i'd like to think everything i'm going through is a "TOUGH ME UP" deal. therefore, i don't like to be guilt-tripped on. shit. too late.
when it gets to the point where you point a finger and clog your damn mouth with implications, you can go burn in hell.
i think it pisses me off for it to be insinuated that i'm failing at someone's criterion. i don't need to justify my actions to anyone.
sometimes, i come off as callous, but contrary to that, i turn into a sucker for those guilt trips.
i'll talk to you when i'm good and ready. no need for guilt-tripping.
Sunday, July 25th, 2004 1:52 p.m.
what happened to everthing
in four words:
i am a liar.
end of story.
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004 9:21 p.m.
fear.
i'm addicted to toast. not french toast. just regular kind of toast. the whole "no carbs" fuckin atkins crap did no justice for me. everything gets in the way. not everything, just the limitation on the food that's going to promote good living. at home, in san jose, there's barely food in sight. in davis, there isn't anything at all so i succumb to eating peanut butter by the spoon. i love pb as much as the next person, but man, how much more of that stuff can i eat..? indecisiveness... libras rock.
Saturday, July 17th, 2004 11:42 a.m.
i miss you.
i had a text message conversation with arie. not even though AIM, but freaking text messages. after twenty minutes, my fingers were beginning to cramp. so while having the longest text message conversation of my life, i thought, "damn. my inclination of phone pow-wow's must have reached a new, disturbing level. a new level of anti-socialism..."
this year has been intense on me, and its made a blizzard through my social scene calender. i miss seeing people, but right now, i can't have that. my heart isn't in its right place. i know that and it'll be wrong to do something that's so forced.
i don't hear/pick up my phonecalls. a big part of the blame goes to me.
my parents definitely know how to sport dictatorship. my parents--especially my dad is a pro in impairing my mindset. putting dad and me in a room together for 24 hours straight would be like inflicting death upon me--a slow death. it would consist of emotionless silence (if there is such a thing), splurts of quarrels that would later lead to all things concerning my life--past, present, future, and by the way, obnoxious snoring which i can not tolerate. of course i hope for a better relationship with my dad, but in retrospect, i've learned to accept this doomed father-daughter relationship.
Saturday, July 17th, 2004 2:23 a.m.