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1.23am :: Fri, 18 July 03
np: Robbie Williams - Free / mOOd: just thinkin...
(My earlier posts have been deleted twice already, so I apologize if this entry isn't as heartfelt or as eloquent as it could have been.)
So for the past few weeks I've been keeping myself busy with activities outside of school and work. Those of you who scoff out of envy or contempt, saying I've only been spending money and wasting time and generally being unproductive, you're right. But I've accomplished more than simply taking up space in the universe. I've been doing things that, I hope, will establish some sort of foundation for me in LA, despite my horrible GPA and plummeting grades. Yesterday I opened up a few new accounts, at the bank, at the DMV, at everyday frequent buyer cards at the store. I have my apartment at Strathmore, my school nearby, and most of my personal belongings here. And yet I still can't make a decision whether or not to call this home, or try to shoot for Okinawa. I miss it sometimes.... It's like I can't go home for the weekend by the 405 or 101 or 60. No freeway will lead me back to Oki, and even then I can't step off the plane and trundle down the street to visit friends I've known since grade school. So when I make an effort to spend time with people here, it's because I'm so afraid that one day we'll just all get up and leave...and at this point in time that's a not so far-off nightmare. As a result, I've learned that I would do anything for my friends. Anything. If I had a car, I would offer them transportation. If I had a house (of considerable comfort), I would offer refuge. And if they needed a helping hand, an unbiased ear, an open mind, or a shoulder to cry on, I would offer two of each, as cliche as that sounds. But I know everyond has different sets of priorities. My actions reflect my true feelings, and I don't expect reciprocation. Although sometimes...just sometimes...I can't help but wonder what thoughts run through other people's heads late at night, when they're home by themselves and not under the guise of societal-/self-inflicted expectations. Are they the ones who'll bother to dial your number when you're sitting by the phone wishing someone would call? Who'll listen to you whine after a long day of work? Who'll spend time with you doing absolutely nothing just for the pleasure of your company?
And, in the midst of all those questions, I never know where I stand, if it's safe to inquire about the role I play in their lives. I'm always afraid of chasing them all away, of them recoiling when I reach out to them. All that only implies a personal vindication of my own self-worth, but why this animosity keeps surfacing, I don't know. This is why I lay in bed every night as the tears run down my face. This is why I wake up dehydrated and still exhausted - because the dream doesn't end.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, my testimonial to my greatest flaw...no, my biggest fear. The insecurity that plagues nearly every relationship I form, the friendships of which I still don't feel worthy; the obstacle to immediate // sufficient happiness.
So the question is, why do I continue to isolate myself when all it does is make me feel sad and bored and horribly, horribly alone?
No, the real question is: Do I stay in LA or go back to Oki before the 11th?
8.50pm :: Thurs, 17 July 03
np: Atomic Kitten - The Tide Is High / mOOd: wooooooh
Psychological Nightmare
What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
1.14pm :: Wed, 25 June 03
np: whirrr / mOOd: lazy
It's true, when you're in the apartments, everyone is too lazy to care. *shakes head* Of course I'm guilty of that fate too, cos I haven't seen much of anyone else aside from Terry and Mina (my roommate and her bf) in the past couple of days. Did get to hang out with David and Daich yesterday night for a lil bit, playing FFX and jus chillin... But it's been two weeks since we've moved in, well, two weeks starting Friday, and I'm still sleeping on the floor. Still hiding in my room... Though I did get a desk yesterday, along with some other random things from the IKEA in Costa Mesa. Yay for Cheap Swedish Furniture!! :D Wells, time to go get a screwdriver to put it together... Guess it's time to go shopping again. >< I mean (:
11.40pm :: Sun, 22 Jun 03
np: ambient noise / mOOd: angry
Let me just say that Mina's boyfriend Terry, so as not to overgeneralize, is a complete fucking asshole. There are no excuses whatsoever for calling and yelling at your girlfriend for going to eat when you are still out on a 2-day camping trip with your friends, the majority of which are girls. I knew living with him was going to be weird, but I didn't quite realize the extent to which he'd carry out his selfish, chauvanistic expectations, if that can even describe it. I'd like to say it's just him who's like this, but I'm sure a lot of guys are very jealous, incredibly possessive of "their" women for no apparent reason.
For the whole story: Mina was talking to a mutual friend of ours (hers, Terry's and mine), Chusho on the phone today because Terry left on a camping trip a couple of days ago. He suggested they go eat dinner along with his friend Josh, so she invited me to come along so it wouldn't be so awkward. Fair enough, right? A simple, innocent dinner with friends. So she even calls Terry to make sure everything's okay with him. Seems like she's going out of her way now, but just to make sure he doesn't blow up later. Guess what he goes and does? That's right, he gets angry. "Kate ni sureba" (do whatever you want), he says. First indication that he doesn't approve of her going out. We go anyway, because we promised Chusho, and Terry calls to tell her he'll be back around 11pm. Like she should be at home waiting for him with dinner ready or something. By this time, it's 9.15pm, we're in K-Town, and we all know she won't (can't) be back in time. At 10.40pm, we've just finished eating, and I'm red from having drank some soju. So we decide (after much drunken madness) to go back and face Terry's wrath, but not before Mina has the idea to buy Terry some chocolate cake as a peace offering. All this effort just to please somebody who can't help himself from being overly possessive and treating his girlfriends like objects. Drunken driving and all that aside, we make it back only to see Terry sitting on the steps outside the apartment waiting for Mina... like a dog that deserves to be kicked. I don't know why, it just makes me so angry when I see girls being treated this way, and not just from a feminist perspective. It's just not fair, and I don't understand that kind of "committment" both of them feel as if they have to undertake when it clearly isn't of a healthy nature. My mom's like that too, going home to wait for my father and serve him left and right. While it's nice, it shouldn't be necessary. And in this case, it's just plain selfish to expect that out of your girlfriend. And to make things worse, I'm stuck inside my fucking room because they're probably outside duking it out right now. I smell like Korean BBQ, smoke, and soju, and I can't take a shower because I'm not even supposed to fucking be here. Such elaborate lies to please these people. I don't want to be caught up in the middle of such drama, but it seems like they feel it's a necessary part of relationships. Just reminds me of Ange and all those stories we had to fabricate to please her mom...3-way calling and the "oh she's in the bathroom right now so she can't talk to you right now" excuses...just so she could spend some time with her boyfriend in the morning. And I'm sure there's something else going on, because her mom called me this morning saying she had "a question - no, a few questions to ask" me. I've been through all of that before. All of this just reminds me why I left home, to get out of that overbearing cloud of parental authority and the restrictive confines of all those high school relationships back in Oki. This is why I'm here in LA, 30,000 miles away from friends and family, to run away from everything I've ever known...although it seems like I've come full circle, caught right in the middle of things. It never ends.
2.32pm :: Thurs, 19 June 03
np: Garnet Crow - Kimi no Uchi ni Tsuku made / mOOd: restless
Whew, just got back from Ange's house in Thousand Oaks. It was kind of nice just bonding with her and her family for two days, minus AiM and text messaging and phone calls... We watched countless episodes of The Osbournes and Simpsons and Blind Date and Real World Paris and PARADISE HOTEL, which is currently the most amusing thing on TV, esp when you're watching it with her. (: And went to the Camarillo outlet malls, the Oaks Mall, and random other places in Simi Valley just to run errands for her parents. I bought a cute new Puma sweater, a bag from Volcom, the (missing) top to my swimsuit, and...Ambiguous shirts!! *heart* So I apologize to anyone who called or texted or AiMed me, cos my phone shut off the first evening I was there and I didn't bring the charger with me.
Stolen from Derek's Xanga:
You're Ibara no Namida!
You're L'arc~en~Ciel's most poetic song ever.
Even Japanese people don't understand you completely.
You're a song about being trapped in a "twisted" love, and
being unable to do anything about it. You're incredibly
painful, but strangely beautiful and haunting.
And your lyrics, in the original Japanese, are breathtaking.
What Little-Known L'arc~en~Ciel Song are You?
4.45pm :: Thurs, 12 June 03
np: Heart - These Dreams / mOOd: should be studying
To be a teacher is to live forever. To see generations upon generations of children through their lives at school, academically and socially, professionally and emotionally... For eight hours a day they pushed us to learn, to grow, to learn to live - they saw us through long division and past participle hypothetical present tense, games of foursquare and tetherball, begging for pizza parties and ice cream socials in class, waiting for Halloween and Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day just so we could cut and color and do all those things we remember from elementary school so clearly, even now in college... And every school day that whole year we moved along, going to school and making friends and forming ourselves in those eight hours, while the teacher stood up there and thought up new ways to keep us amused, out of trouble, channeling our energy towards something productive so that we could one day be something wonderful... And at the end of the year we said our goodbyes, sometimes with gift bags, sometimes with slingshots and sad faces, but we never thought too much about it. And we moved on, onto middle and then high school...where the classes were harder and the people meaner, but it was all supposed to teach us some sort of grandiose, all-encompassing lesson about life...
It's sad that we never really realize what we were supposed to learn until we get to college. With all this free time (seriously, aside from working and socializing and studying) we sit and think, reminisce over those busy times in our pasts like after-school snacks and weekend soccer practice, and with everything we get only so far as to feel remorse over what we hadn't yet done, what we've been missing out on all our lives, what we should have but didn't do -
Today was an incredibly unproductive day, but something very worthwhile came out of it. And I have to say this is perhaps the only good that's ever been a product of my intermittent procrastination... I got a chance to talk to my J101B professor. No matter what she says, no matter how long-winded or biased or repetitive, I will always admire her because she provides some insight into the otherwise distinctly hard-headed inflexible lecture that is class at UCLA.
To be a teacher is to watch thirty-something kids grow up every academic year; to put your heart and soul into raising them eight hours a day, five days a week minus national holidays and inane dates like president's birthdays and teacher workdays; to watch them walk away every two-hundred eighty-some days without ever looking back to what you put into making them. To be a teacher is to live forever, through all those generations upon generations that pass through your life as you pass through theirs...
- and still everyone is hurrying past in their busy way outside my window...moving out, packing up, going somewhere, anywher other than here. In the meantime, I'll be here, living the part of me that isn't rushing to get somewhere, being the salamander - content in my own memories, happy with the way things just are.
6.51pm :: Mon, 9 June 03
np: BoA - Shine We Are / mOOd: cos you know I'm not studying
Mwahaha...
What Anime Vampire Are You?
What San-X Character Are You?
Filling up my blog with pictures just cos I can't concentrate.. Might as well amuse the rest of the population :D
2.30pm :: Mon, 9 June 03
np: K's Choice - \"Not An Addict\" (CourtneyMusic) / mOOd: should be packing
3.10pm :: Sun, 8 June 03
np: Audioslave - Like A Stone / mOOd: blobby
This is such an awesome song. :D The lyrics don't sound anything like what he's saying though... In fact, I have no idea what he's saying (not like it matters).
Friday night was fun. Instead of studying (or the obligatory JSA meeting), I went to the ACA End of Year Bonfire. Can't beat burnt hot dogs (raw inside), burnt marshmallows (gooey inside), melted chocolate on strawberries, and overdosing on grapes, strawberries, and watermelon. Though the beach was kind of dirty and we all smelled like raw bonfire afterward, the food was great, the atmosphere was friendly, and we were surrounded by family. Here's to a year with Monkey Staff! *momentary pause for reflection(notice complimentary lone seagull on shore)*
My computer keeps shutting itself off for some reason. Hmm... too many things going on at once...or else it's telling me to go study. Which I should be doing. Which I think I'll go (pretend to) do right now. And with that, I leave you with this picture of Juli n me...always eating (:
12.29am :: Sun, 8 June 03
np: David Bedingfield - If You're Not The One / mOOd: vegetative
So I'm doubly convinced that I'll be spending waaay too much time on blogging from now on, esp because I now have a Xanga site, but only to comment on other people's Xangas. *laughs* Seems like a trivial reason, but when most people you know subscribe to Xanga, it becomes worth it. Funny how things catch on... After countless hours spent on JavaChat and IRC, I started using ICQ because my friends in Singapore were using it to keep up with messages, no longer succumbing to the timeliness and unreliability of e-mail servers. Sometime around high school the circle of people I knew all began using MSN, so I had to join that too. I kept up my pitas blog page because my friends in Singapore had all done it... Now they've moved onto greymatter and more sophisticated blogging techniques, but I still like my pitas (: People in Oki, meanwhile, used (and continue to use) LiveJournal... In college, I got to update my sparse AiM list... Now, with the advent of Xangas I feel compelled to create my own, but only to keep up with the times...whatever makes the world seem a little smaller.
Hmm. In the grand scheme of things:
BBS-->JavaChat-->IRC-->ICQ-->MSN-->AiM
diaryland-->pitas-->LJ-->Xanga
Woohoo...what a long way we've come.
4.11pm :: Sun, 1 June 03
np: whirrr / mOOd: summer already...
12.53pm :: Mon, 26 May 03
np: Sowelu - beautiful dreamer / mOOd: sunshine
[[10 Years ago, I...]]
1) was in the 4th grade
2) rode my bike everywhere
3) thought the coolest thing was this "gingerbread house" I colored in and stuck pink cotton balls on for "cotton candy" (even back then I was obsessed w/ food)
[[5 years ago, I...]]
1) was 13 and a freshman
2) had a wardrobe that consisted primarily of stripey Hang Ten shirts
3) still had long black hair...and no intention of ever dying it
[[1 year ago, I...]]
1) lived in a pseudo-triple with Court, Ange, sometimes Luce, occasionally Roy, and random other visitors in Delta
2) was obsessed with boba and going to the arcades
3) was out exploring Westwood, Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, downtown LA, Torrance...by bus
[[Yesterday, I...]]
1) had an awesome meal of a Subway Mediterranean Chicken sandwich, Cheetos, Sobe Green Tea, and Starburst jellybeans
2) did (or rather forgot about) laundry for 5 hours
3) turned my room upside down and still couldn't find my new swimsuit
4) went to Island's by Westside (mmm I'm starting to like teriyaki)
5) watched waaay too many episodes of Wings
[[Today, I...]]
1) lay in bed and stared at the ceiling
2) refuse to write my papers
3) will go to the last ACA staff meeting of the year *sniff*
[[Tomorrow, I...]]
1) have to go apartment shopping
2) have to at least start on essays for English/Japanese
3) will probably end up eating lunch with Ange in Westwood and not studying
[[Top 5 locations I'd like to run away to:]]
1) Okinawa (to veg)
2) Tokyo (shopping!!)
3) Hong Kong (in a SARS-proof suit)
4) KL (just to eat :D)
5) ...though I like LA just fine (:
[[things I'd do with $1000:]]
1) take everyone out to eat somewhere really really nice :D
2) buy a giant salamander pillow
3) buy furniture for my non-existent apartment (already visions of sleeping the floor of the apartment hungry and cold are starting to scare me)
[[5 bad habits I have:]]
1) procrastinating (don't we all?!)
2) being greedy
3) spending waaay too much
4) constantly obsessing
5) showing up late
[[Biggest Joys at the Moment:]]
1) the 3-day weekend! (I don't think I've gotten this much sleep since Spring Break)
2) the salamander
3) Sowelu songs
4) the totoros my mom sent :D
5) green pillows
12.26am :: Thurs, 22 May 03
np: Utada Hikaru - Colors / mOOd: sad
No matter what you tell me, honesty will always be appreciated, no matter how blunt or spiteful.
radialspinsphere (10:29:52 PM): demo sa....jenn....no offense but ur the kind of girl that is really hard to be in a relationship with
radialspinsphere (10:30:02 PM): when anyone already gets to know you in person
radialspinsphere (10:30:32 PM): you're social, fun, guy-ishy girl, and stuff
radialspinsphere (10:30:48 PM): you make a really good friend with guys lol
radialspinsphere (10:31:54 PM): otoko uke ga iindayone.....dochikatoiuto kanojyo jyanakute ii-tomodachi ni nacchau taipu....dattarisurundayone (you're more like a guy...but whichever way you look at it, you're the type of girl who makes a better friend than girlfriend)
radialspinsphere (10:32:00 PM): gomen :(
I haven't cried so hard in awhile.
10.24pm :: Wed, 21 May 03
np: American Idol on TV / mOOd: full
So Reuben won, heh. How cool. *shrugs* Not too into this show anyway, but it's nice to see people so enthusiastic about something. There's a ska/punk band playing outside in DeNeve Plaza, so that's kinda neat too.
Just came back from eating with some new members of staff, Mike and Janet, the Korean Mike, Tam...older staff, Ellen, Anwer, Soph and Justin, Derek, and *headbonk* Juli... It's great how we can all have random conversations, talking shit and being loud and "bondage" over food all at the same time (: It's really making me wonder if I should come back to staff next year...not like they would want me, of course. But it's still a possibility...
Dinner was good though. Can't say I've ever enjoyed teriyaki chicken so much... nor my "dog food" concoction of chocolate and peach ice cream with corn pops.. versus Juli's peanut-butter-chocolate-syrup-golden-grahams-ice-cream sundae >< Hah. w00t.
Mmhhh... What else? I had something to say but it's not very optimistic. So I'll leave it at that till I find something on a happier note. Good night!
8.50pm :: Mon, 19 May 03
np: Kuraki Mai - Fairy Tale / mOOd: lalala
 Juli, Trini, n meeh at ACA's Alumni Banquet!
2.10am :: Tues, 13 May 03
np: whirring laptop fan / mOOd: 4 hours to midterm and counting
| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 60%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh | 62.8% | | Shamelessness | 83.3%
Has yet to see self in mirror | 77.8% | | Sex Drive | 86.8%
The Pope is envious | 76.1% | | Straightness | 12.5%
Knows the other body type like a map | 41.9% | | Gayness | 100%
| 80.8% |
| Fucking Sick | 92.9%
Refreshingly normal | 88.7% |
You are 70.08% pure
Average Score: 70.6%
| |
I think I still like The Spark's Purity Test better. (:
2.20pm :: Mon, 12 May 03
np: Baby M - Heaven / mOOd: content
For some reason, whenever I have midterms/projects/papers to write, I end up treating myself, taking it easy before the hour of reckoning. This Friday and Saturday I went on playing till early morning, and Sunday I decided I'd have a nice relaxing outing, so I persuaded Court to come out with me. We went to Century City, walked around the fancy shops (actually walked INTO the Louis Vuitton store but didn't see any new designs so we walked out), and then browsed around the Disney Store... Honestly, I think Court is the only one here who appreciates stuffed animals and cute things just as much (if not more) than I do. We spent a good portion of an hour in there just playing with all the stuffed toys (I couldn't put down Pearl from "Finding Nemo")... If aaanyone needs to buy presents for whatever occasion (hint: our not-so-far-off birthdays) we fell in love with Nemo, Peach, and an ultra-soft Flounder, not to mention the giant Eeyore and a cute lil Stitch... But we didn't find much we actually wanted to buy, so we headed down to Sawtelle instead. Stopped off at Giant Robot and played with all the plush toys there (TOTORO <3)... then headed over to Happy Six and tried on all the cute things there... It was almost too much... Almost. Not really. (:
So I ended up getting some Jellyfish paper (cos it's cute, okay?! (: ) and a small pack of tarepanda paper cos it had pictures of the sad lil panda sitting on the tatami mat...also some squishy Sugar slippers (another soft squishy thing I'm obsessed with)...and I nearly, nearly bought this squishy edamame (a neon-green bean like thing... they also had the rice made out of the same squishy material). But that's for next time (:
And I just spent 4 hours today cleaning up, taking a nice cold shower, eating some chicken vegetable soup at DeNeve, making myself an ice cream sandwich (out of strawberry banana-vanilla ice cream with bread..that's right, BREAD..yummm), and updating this blog - even tho I have a Japanese midterm tomorrow and an English paper due Wednesday - neither of which I've read for. w00, read and enjoy! Mwahaha.
1.12pm :: Sun, 11 May 03
np: Suzanne Vega - Luka / mOOd: sad
Sunday afternoons...
It's a nice sunny day. I'm debating going out and walking around on my own for a lil bit... I guess it's just left over sentiment from when I used to go out on my own every weekend. But no one's really awake, or online, or even at home... It IS Mother's Day. And those people who aren't home are either sleeping or busy...
Friday was Karaoke night with ACA...which was fun, at least what I caught of it. Court, Issei, Daich n I went abt an hour and a half earlier to get some karaoke in beforehand. Liv and Albert joined us for a bit, along with Juli and Davy... When our time in the room expired (around 8) we joined the more crowded room and sang along with ACA... But we left early n got some Korean BBQ... then hung out at Monte Carlo for an hour and a half waiting for Issei to call back (he never did)... n finally got to Cyberzone at around 12.30... YAY the Beat was worth it, although I think I've graduated from all that. Hi-speed 1 is just so fast :'(
Why sad, then? Just kind of unsure at all the change that's going on. I still don't have a GPA that's even remotely up-to-par... My sole purpose for getting up each day is the same... And whatever percentage of my time isn't taken up by unhealthy infatuation will be spent in reckless abandon of everything else. Everything's passing me by and I don't know where to go from here. Follow? or stay here alone? I have no real interests. I was never really into movies except as vehicles to pass the time (rather than relaying an all-important message about life, love, and liberty). I loved DDR and Beat, but just for fun. While everyone else obsessed about it, they graduated to higher, more difficult, and faster levels... I like 5th/Max2 and IIDX just as much as everyone else, but I just can't help like I'm slowing everyone else down on 5-foot / regular speed music. The only songs I know how to sing are from 11th grade. We're still stuck singing Kuraki Mai, Brilliant Green, Ayu, Fayray, Yellow Monkey, JudyMary...at least as they were popular in 2000. I buy nice clothes but don't know how to dress myself. By June, I won't be living with Court anymore, and a good portion of the people I've gotten to know here will have graduated... Friends are all the same - they can only be your friend when it's convenient. I just want to be grounded where I am again. Once again I find justification for living solely in the moment: There is comfort in the fact that I'm happy - at least, for now.
Heh:
You are the hardcore "sometimes raves and likes
gangster Vietnamese guys" Asian girl. Umm.. noo
I wasn't staring at you.. please don't come
after me!
What Kind of Asian Girl Stereotype Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ah well. Maybe it's time to go out. I've been sitting here for too long anyway.
10.51pm :: Wed, 7 May 03
np: WB madness (courtesy of Court) / mOOd: bemused
Alriiight, this is what I've been trying to put into words for awhile now...and Kevin (my ACA son)'s explanation of this classification sums it all up quite nicely... So, in an excerpt taken from his Xanga entry on the different categories of girls:
Category #6: The Anime Chick / Tomboy.
"The anime chick / tomboy is the one that you can feel comfortable asking to watch a stupid movie or to play a game of basketball with. She's the one that makes a great friend for a guy, but nothing more usually, as it would risk the great friendship (which is a damn shame). The thing that seperates this type of asian girl from others is because of how she grew up punching boys instead of baking cookies for them. This type of girl would rather go to a LAN party than a frat party with you, would rather watch Kenshin than fucking Maid in Manhattan with you, and is comfortable talking about really, really obscene and disgusting things with you. She's one of the guys."
...it's stuff like this - coupled with sad Korean songs and the breeze from an overcast Wednesday afternoon - that makes me sad, kicking my heart across the gutter like an empty coke can. It's not about ignoring the "nice guys", nor is it about pleasing the "bitchy TAB" girl. It's how you treat people because of the pigeonholes you assign them in your mind. It's not about "friendships" versus "relationships"... It's only about treating each person honestly, showing interest and attraction and sincerity just because it truly does matter, in the same sense as that nostalgic feeling you get when you watch old 50s movies and the girl is left behind...or when you see how, in Korean dramas, the couple is torn apart tragically (one of them dies)...or in those cheesy romantic comedies where the couple is forced to endure so many obstacles but they finally get to the happy ending and you realize you're still sitting at home alone in the dark watching a tale of imaginative fabrications... In the words of Mulder, "I want to believe." But that's just me being sentimental.
...and since when is Jen sentimental?
4.16pm :: Wed, 7 May 03
np: Cyndi Lauper - True Colors / mOOd: w00t
You are Professor X!
You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.
Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Indeed.
::
np: Sade - King of Sorrow / mOOd: stupid
I can't help but have this vision, not one of pride, or of accomplishment, but of you. Once again summer comes and in all my attempts at foolishness I know nothing will ever change...at least I won't, but you will... There is nothing about me that could ever keep you; I am indebted to your whims, a slave to your mercy. If you could only be my claim to stability, to familiarity, I would be content, but things change, always moving, always elusive. Time passes so quickly...and at the end of this parcel of time I will be alone, once again, like always.
4.39am :: Sun, 4 May 03
np: SNL on NBC / mOOd: amused
Yum... I'm eating Winnie the Pooh cereal...which is just like golden grahams with graham cookie pieces :D Soooo good...
On Friday I went out with Court, Daich, Andy, David, Matt, Lester, and some of Lester's friends to see X2... We waited in the cold rain for two hours even though we already had (rather expensive) tickets... Just goes to show you what happens when you go to a movie with X-Men fanatics! I didn't have an umbrella, so all the rain rolled off my jacket and got my ass wet...I was pleasantly soaked for a good portion of the night. On top of that, I was wearing sandals so my toes got a good washing...but it was worth it cos Lester tried on my rainbow platform sandals...heehee. An guy with an Irish accent in a yellow poncho came up to us while we were in line and tried to get us to donate money to his charity... I have to say that Irishmen are incredibly skilled at persuasion, at speech in general (such a turn-on...well kind of not really...heehee), although he didn't get any money from us. I was pretty flattered when he asked Court and I if we were "models or goddesses"...puahaha.
Oh, and there was a guy scalping umbrellas for $5. I should've bought one instead of getting dripped on, but that would've been practical... And you all know how that goes (:
Tonight... What did I do? Wasted a lot of time, I'm thinking. I went with Court to Santa Monica so she could get her free comic books and then to check out an internship offered there... Unfortunately, though, it wasn't a paid internship, and the guy who tried to recruit me was kind of shady. I mean, what kind of charity takes up residence in the Starbucks on the Promenade? *shrugs* Well, I told him I'd check it out at a later date, but I really don't think it's what I'm looking for. Kind of like those students who try to recruit people to do Bible Study. I appreciate their efforts, and I don't want to hurt their feelings by turning them down, but at the same time I don't want to waste any more time of either theirs or mine... Ah well.
There's an old episode of SNL on TV where the B-52s are performing "Where's My Umbrella"... How cool is that? :D
I was looking at pictures of cars online today (inspired by the "2Fast 2Furious" trailer before X2) and I saw a picture of the 2002 Echo hatchback... It looks squashed like a MiniCooper, hehe. And, I have to say, Mustangs look so freaking awesome. Too bad their engines suck :P
The "28 Days Later" trailer looks interesting too... anything low-budget is usually pretty appealing to me>> *laughs* plus Zombies in this case! Woohoo~
So today Juli and I went to see MARGARET CHO at the Wiltern in K-town :D We headed off to the K-town Galleria first and looked around... I found some really cute pumpkin-colored Prada bags but they were $190 :X Whatever happened to pirated Korean goods? Bah... And the rest of the Galleria was either overpriced or cutesy so we puttered around and then went to the Cyberzone plaza to get some dinner... Just our luck to run into some weird underage Korean mafia at the soondobu place, who started talking to the manager in Korean... I walked smack in the middle of their circle only to find Juli wasn't behind me XP But they were closed anyway so they didn't wanna serve us.. So we headed back up Wilshire to Tofu House for some good ol beef/shrimp/clam SOONDOBU with KALBI :D :D :D
And we bonded over FOOD mwahaha... By the time dinner was over we still had like two hours left before the show, so we headed back to the plaza to get some dessert at Cafe Home... Anyone who goes there, we recommend the PARFAIT! <3 It's got bits of fruit, strawberry ice cream, blended strawberry smoothie, whipped cream, and decorative stuff: tinsel foil sticking out like fireworks and a straw with a lil 3D crepe paper orange on it :D Yay for aesthetic Korean cafes!
But yeah. Magaret Cho was pretty funny, although she kept lapsing into a 'black accent'... She's just awesome as is: "What do I have to do... to get you to mow the lawn?!" mwahaha. (the actual quote was a liiil more graphic) But it was a great experience. Woohoo!
2.55pm :: Wed, 30 Apr 03
np: Baby M - Heaven / mOOd: can't get nuff of supreme chicken gorditas
Highlights: I think I've watched more movies in the past two weeks than I have in any years past. There was Red Dragon and Drumline from Staff Retreat... Brotherhood of the Wolf, Silence of the Lambs, Road to Perdition, Darkness Falls, Primal Fear, Unfaithful... Not including X2 this Friday. But they were all pretty good movies..> either that, or my standards have dropped dramatically. *laughs* Naw, the list is good watching.
What else? I have a midterm on Friday, and I haven't cracked open the book yet. :X
Still incredibly overcome by spontenaity: Boba runs, trips to the arcade, late-nite dinners. There really should be some restaurants open past 1... Other than Yoshinoya (sticks out tongue). Oh, and homestarrunner.com's Strong Bad e-mails. Can't get over the greatness of Strong Bad's Techno remix (:
Ooh, and I ate two supreme chicken gorditas today. Ahh.
2.35am :: Wed, 30 Apr 03
np: Jang Nara - I'll Be There For You / mOOd: tired
If nothing else, Juli is higher (or should I say lower? mwahaha) than me on the ladder of Dante's Inferno. :D
7.57pm :: Tues, 29 Apr 03
np: courtney randomness / mOOd: w00t
hahaha. Taken from a random friend on camoozle's lj:
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
lol...how accurate do you guys think this is? :D at the very least, Court got a kick out of it.
8.01pm :: Sun, 20 Apr 03
np: Aaliyah - Miss You (playin in my head) / mOOd: like going karaoke
Memories from AiM:
Our lives as each other for spring break:
(Andy as Issei)
Water: as for me i am staying out every night with no sleep. also constantly getting beaten up by my kendo friends and kicked in the nuts by my sister.
(Daich as Andy)
Hybrid: hmmm just chillin..Oh crap! Whats that hideous screaching noise?! OK a headless foul just ran through the room and back into the kitchen.... "Hey Andy dont mind me I just gotta take a crapper" says the sister as she walks to the bathroom
Hybrid: so all in all yeah just pretty uneventful
Good times, good times.
2.32pm :: Sat, 19 Apr 03
np: IIDX - BitMania / mOOd: craving to play beat
What a pretty day it is! The sun's shining and there's not a cloud in the sky... (: Not many people are out though... I guess everyone's sleeping. There was a fire drill at 7.50 this morning... Who expects us to evacuate promptly and in an orderly fashion when we're all half-dazed from the night(or morning) before?! hehe. Well, there wasn't much "wildness" on my part, as Anwer would say... Court and I basically stayed up playing Dynasty Warriors 4 (under the map-reading direction of Andy and Daich)... I never thot that game could be so fun. (:
2.22am :: Mon, 7 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - Please Sister / mOOd: just sitting round
I really should write more in this to keep better tabs on how I waste each passing day in increasingly creative ways...
Last night I went over to Terry's for some good ol' free food... Ate some leftover Chinese food and KFC and enjoyed the bartending talents of some older members of JSA (: Then came back to watch CUBE 2: HYPERCUBE on the Sci-Fi Channel with Issei n Daich... I think I finally realized how Andy n Court feel when they really get into movies and TV and comics and just can't stop talking about them... In Cube, I've found that one niche in that one simple movie, heh. The sequel, on the other hand...that was something else. There were so many loose ends (not to mention a really odd, open-ended "ending") in that plot that I wasn't quite sure if I liked it or didn't. *shrugs* No strong emotions about this one...at least not yet. But it's fun to debate (:
And then, me being the dumbass that I am, locked myself out of the freaking building so that I was stuck outside Dogwood at 5.24am on a Sunday morning... So I ended up crashing at Issei's apt until the afternoon. Took a walk down to Borders with Daich later on... I never realized how cheap books were there. Bookstores always smell nice (: Went down to the Asahi Ramen on Sawtelle for a late late late lunch-dinner... Ramen and fried rice is soo good, esp when you're starving.
Then headed back to Westwood to pick up Andy... piled into the car and went over to Century City to watch Phone Booth. It was pretty good, although I think it lost its momentum towards the end somewhere. Good job to Collin Ferrell for his acting (: What else... Came back, listening to the Cardigans' new album on repeat yet AGAIN...also totally neglecting the fact that I have class tomorrow at 9. Blech...but it was a good day.
4.57am :: Sat, 5 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - Live and Learn / mOOd: pensive
Y'know, I wouldn't have minded.
4.55am :: Sat, 5 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - 03.45: No Sleep / mOOd: not drunk yet
Inspired by a recent conversation about the course of relationships:
For many men, there are two distinct types of women in this world: those with vibrance, uninhibited with words and free in spirit...and those who are governed by kindness, sweet in disposition and gentle by nature. Given the choice, would you favor the outgoing and energetic...or the gentle and nurturing? For some strange reason, I can't help but think that it is the girl_friend who is there for kicks and giggles, the support when you're lonely, to trust in and rely on when you just want a friend. She's the one who'll help you in times of need, the one who will always be there for you. It is her unconditional love and support that keeps you going, that sustains you, that keeps you alive - but you will never look at her in a romantic sense, at least not for the long-term. You will never love her as much as the other - and that is why so many of her are left empty and alone.
2.28pm :: Fri, 4 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me / mOOd: relaxed
I was going to post up some ramblings for the hell of it, but my brain is hurting... Maybe another time (:
"Kono tabi ni nani wo sagashiteitaka wakaranai kedo kore dake shitteita: Susumi michi wa jibun de ikirareru. Eien ni ikiru imi ga nai. Tada ikiru dake. Kanojo ga sou shita."
(We never knew exactly what were looking for on this journey, though we understood one thing for sure: We choose our own paths on which to travel, our own lives to live. To her, it wasn't living forever that was important, but rather just being able to live.)
-Japanese ending to Tuck Everlasting
2.18pm :: Fri, 4 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - Communication / mOOd: relaxed
Given Nina Persson's tendency to use excessive repetition and rhyme in her lyrics, this is a pretty awesome song:
I've been trying
to believe and confide in
different people I found
some of them got closer than others
and some wouldn't even bother
and then you came around
I didn't really know what to call you
you didn't know me at all
but I was happy to explain
I never really knew how to move you
so I tried to intrude through
the little holes in your veins
and I saw you...
I've seen you, I know you, but I don't know
how to connect
so I disconnect
you always seem to know where to find me
and I'm still here behind you
in the corner of your eye
I'll never really learn how to love you...
I've seen you, I know you but I don't know
how to connect
so I disconnect
well, this is an invitation!
it's not a threat
if you want communication
that's what you get
I'm talking and talking
but I don't know
how to connect
and I hold
a record for being patient
with your kind of hesitation
I need you, you want me
but I don't know
how to connect
so I disconnect
I disconnect.
2.14am :: Fri, 4 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - Lead Me into The Night / mOOd: pensive
First week is not even close to being over and yet there's still so much to think about. It's just funny what keeps me up at night... All those little things in the world that seem to have the most importance right now just because they're happening right now, in the present... It's all you occupy yourself with, simply because you can...
I'm afraid to dream, which is probably why I've stopped sleeping for long periods of time. This past week I've been going to bed for 4-5 hour spans... No naps during the day. No dozing off in class. No resting in the room for more than half an hour, unless it's to watch a movie. And I'm wide awake right now at 3am. I can't bring myself to go to bed. I don't know what it is, but I'm still so very lonely. And I don't want to be...I know for sure I don't want to be tied down to outside rules and regulations, although I do want some stability in my life...at the very least, someone who's known it for all their lives. For now, there is no boundary between night and day, because every night is a day. But what can you do...it's almost 4am. I'll have to go to bed some time... And last night, when i came to that conclusion i fell asleep... found myself having a dream that scared me, should it ever come true. Guess I should go to bed tonight to find out.
6.14pm :: Thurs, 3 Apr 03
np: Cardigans - For What It's Worth / mOOd: undecided
Ah... This quarter is definitely going by really quickly. I finish class every day at 12, so I've been going out (after all, it is first week) and doing all sorts of randomness for which I won't have time to do later on. (: It's all good now; I'm enjoying my time here in LA...but sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm sacrificing what-could-be for what-is... All my life I've come home straight after school and done homework until late at night... Now I barely even read - when I'm not in class I occupy myself by going out with friends, many of whom won't be around next year. Everyone's going in separate directions, and while I feel like I'm closer to a lot of them than I am to those I knew in high school, they (in LA) have other, separate lives. They don't know when or even if they'll come back... I just wanted to live somewhere where everyone stayed in one place...so then I wouldn't have to say goodbye any longer. But, for now, they're all I have...no, they're all I want. They're all I cling to. They're all that makes me happy. It's like I'm digging myself deeper into a giant hole and I really don't care, at least not at this point. Sometimes I just don't know where I'm going...
*shakes head* My train of thought always carries me to some dark, desolated place that no one really needs to visit. Moving on...
11.15am :: Wed, 26 Mar 03
np: fayray - shiroi hana alb / mOOd: boing
heehee... while waiting for my mom to get back so we can go downtown for some shopping:
Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!
What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahaha... aw the picture from this one is priceless... :D
What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla
What kind of anime boobs do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
lookit, it's the "Who Would You Have Sex With?" quiz:
This Guy: you like strangers. Freak.
huh...that's interesting (: *shrugs*
08:03 a.m. :: Monday, March 24, 2003
np: / mOOd:
>
You are a siren.
What legend are you?
2.50am :: Thurs, 20 Mar 03
np: Lasgo - Follow You / mOOd: hungry
I'm so freaking hungry. I really want to run down to Subway and get some sandwiches (6' for $2.99!) and then head over to Ralph's for some nice warm soup, maybe some Easter candy as well (: UGH. I'm also so freaking lazy that I won't get up until sometime tomorrow morning... Maybe I'll head down to Westwood on an expedition then. And... It's Thursday, so Farmer's Market tomorrow too... Corn on the cob and Korean pancakes! :D
12.00am :: Thurs, 20 Mar 2003
np: people moving around outside / mOOd: eh
Well. It's been an interesting day. Kept falling asleep sometime in the early morning, so woke up around 8am to finally finish off that silly J101 essay. Worked on it until about noon, then ran to Akatsuka-sensei's office to hand it in... Ended up waiting for her until 2pm, and completed that project work at around 3. Ran to the English final, choked, finished at 6 and trundled slowly home. On the way back, though, I walked behind two people also in English 10B... And it just so happens that one of them was whining about not getting an A- on her paper. All I want to do is pass this class... *shakes head* But I'm not even sure if that's gonna happen. Well, serves me right for being so lazy...
On a better note, I went to eat dinner with Y.Lee, Court, Issei n Daich at the dorms today :D Ended up being a pretty good meal of chicken, salad, some nummy chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream with cornflakes... Reminded me of the times my parents and I used to go eat at Soie (800yen buffet...yumm) way back when I was in like 1st grade. Oh... the memories (: I should've taken some food out though, cos I'm still hungry.. :X
5.25pm :: Wed, 12 Mar 03
np: courtney randomness / mOOd: bzzt
Arrrr. *twitches* I just finished translating 13 pages of classical Japanese (the preface to the Kokinshu) in the last 12 hours. Urgh. You'd think this would teach me a lesson in procrastination (as in not to do it again)... Anyway, old school Chinese martial arts film marathon tonite and tomorrow nite! :D Yay Melnitz. Now all I gotta do is bring some snacks :P
3.41pm :: Thurs, 5 March 03
np: B'z - The Calling / mOOd: thankful
My dad used to tell me that the best (and only) way to handle life is as it comes straight at you. With all due respect to planning for a not-so-immediate future, I agree...I agree.
After throwing myself up and down this rollercoaster, I'm off to do what I should've done weeks ago.
11.36pm :: Sun, 2 Mar 03
np: ambient noise / mOOd: restless
More vampire lesbian porn goodness: Morrigan and Lilith
And...most of you should get this (: A Special Kind of Keyboard
11.59pm :: Thurs, 27 Feb 03
np: ticking / mOOd: hmm
I used to watch this show! Along with Stick Stickley, Salute Your Shorts, Are You Afraid of The Dark?, All That, and the list goes on... Ahh, Saturday Nights, home alone with SNICK and hash browns and corn and rice and sprite and lollipops... Those were the days.
Clarissa Explains it All.
Little brothers piss you off and your best friend climbs up a ladder... But of course that's not weird to you because you're Clarissa Darling.
What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show?
brought to you by Quizilla
10.37pm :: Thurs, 27 Feb 03
np: Lasgo - Pray / mOOd: hungry
Muse While Eating Maruchan Instant Ramen and a Strawberry Poptart For Lunch, Twenty-seven February Two-thousand-and-Three
There are only so many peas allotted to each cup of noodles; I nearly lost one of those precious peas today due to my own carelessness. In a related way, think about the importance of friendship in relation to the presence of peas in these noodles... Each pea, though different, is treasured just as equally as the others - much like how we value our friends. Moral of the story? Don't let your peas slip through your grasp.
3.14am :: Sat, 22 Feb 03
np: Michelle Featherstone - stay (CourtneyMusic) / mOOd: thoughtful
I have to get up in less than three hours to go to the Flower District with Chieh and Jenny and pick up flower bouquets for CACN...but I can't seem to bring myself to get to bed. I heard something today while at a fren's apt - it's just interesting to know that guys talk (gossip) just as much as girls do. And, to say the least, they're just as critical - if not more. So next time you suppose people will take what you say and do at face value... Think again. Some people aren't as easygoing as they may seem. I suppose, in this sense, the lesson is to be wary of your actions... And, as always, silence speaks just as loud as words. Sometimes ambiguity comes back to haunt you because no one can really know your true intentions...it leaves others guessing.
On a related note, does accelerated pace in relationships generally warrant bad (unfavorable) results? Is it so bad to move forward, even though both parties know exactly what they want? While you could be rushing into things, you could simply forgo prolonging immediate happiness any longer. After all, with life as short as it is... with life so fleeting...sometimes those quick, violent bursts of happiness are all we have to keep us going.
6.20pm :: Sat, 21 Feb 03
np: Okamoto Mayo - alone / mOOd: setsunai
with feelings like these it's no wonder i can't shake this feeling of being perpetually alone
i hate you
for the power you hold over me, for the ways you change me, for the fact that you are a virtue i can never have;
because i've grown to base my happiness on your presence
without you here i lack guidance, motivation, direction
and it's simply no one's fault but my own
and yet i continue to chase after those who i cannot have...or better yet, those who will not have me
without memories we are nothing
omoide wa, toki wo heru noni tsurete, odayakana sepia iro ni someagerareteiku.
yume wo mita mama... omoi wo koeta toki
omoide wa omoide ni shiteoku
yume ga nakereba ikiru imi ga nai desho?
 You are orange. You are emotional. Outside, you are bitter and stubborn, inside you are hopeful, hoping someone will come save you from the bitterness of your own mind. You constantly feel the need to prove yourself, and you look up to those who can make thier dreams happen. You are broken, but not beyond repair like maroon. What inner color are you?
2.36pm :: Sun, 16 Feb 03
np: Garnet Crow - Spiral / mOOd: w00t!
...ahahaha...
11.30am :: Sun, 16 Feb 03
np: Utada - Sakura Drops / mOOd: meh
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
Interesting...
9.32pm :: Sat, 15 Feb 03
np: Cranberries - This Is The Day / mOOd: relaxed
"don't be insecure / i'll be at your door / i'll always be there for you / hope will save you..."
It was a good day today. Just sitting around, relaxing like always...knowing that there's Sunday and Monday left for the weekend, and then a nice three day week with no class on Thursday ;) Yay canceled Japanese classes!
Ange took Court and me out to lunch today, at Boston Market as a (pleasant) surprise for Court. The food there is pretty good...reminds me of Kenny Rogers' Roasters. Yummm...roast chicken, sweet corn, and green beans... ;) Then headed off for Beverly Center to get Ange a dress for a fundraiser with Jay and his family... Stopped by the Guess but bypassed it for the fancy Forever 21 (XXI). Ange ended up buying a pretty black wrap dress, complete with little diamond brooch on the lower left side. Court got a random pink stripey top, and I bought some small black tops... just for the hell of it ;)
Also ventured into See's candy, where Court used up one of her many gift certificates for a pound of chocolate... she even let Ange n me pick out whatever wanted... aww, what a nice roomie! (*hearts Court and her chocophilia*)
Then came back, did Ange's makeup and got her all ready for the fundraiser... and went out to ACA's Hot Pot Nite @ Atrium Court. Talked a bit with Chieh <3 and luvly Miss Trini... as well as Diana, who was originally in my family till Julie stole her away...hehe j/p (: Good food, good company.
Last nite was awesome too (not that I got to spend Valentine's Day with anyone in particular)... But Mina bought us all Valentine's Day chocolate! <3 <3 <3 Tho I freaking forgot to give Ange her present/candy again...grr. Went out to see Daredevil with the gang (Mina, Issei, Daich) n David n his frens... Ate dinner at Century City while waiting for the movie to start (what a poshy mall). Bought a caramel apple for Daich since he'd never had one before, and then indulged in Korean BBQ and wonton soup (sharing w/ Mina, as always :D)... The movie surpassed all my expectations. I was pretty skeptical at the beginning (wasn't quite as excited at the X-Men 2 trailer as everyone else) but as the movie went on I felt pretty drawn into the whole design and concept, although the script wasn't all that wonderful and I don't particularly fancy Jennifer Garner. But stylistically it was pretty freaking awesome (: and then it was off to Sawtelle for some bObA and a v.amusing game of Spoons at Volcano. It's more fun when played with fat boba straws and a bunch of English majors, ahaha. I never would've thot I'd be more amused by hanging out with old (graduated) English majors, hah. XD
Sometime this weekend, Daich and Issei are taking Mina and me down to SD, just because. Yay for California road trips!
Ahhhhhhh. *sinks into plush salamander pillow*
1.53pm :: Sat, 15 Feb 03
np: Fayray - Taiyou no Gravity / mOOd: contemplative
It bothers me when people treat death with such triviality. In regards to something so massive, so pressing - sometimes you have to just realize that it's not up to you to decide when, or where, much less how. Stop listening to those fables of noble, tragic deaths, or watching those staged, dramatic death scenes - in real life no one who matters is going to praise the nobility or dramatization of your death scene - they'll be too busy crying over the loss of such a great person from this world. And not just because of their own pain, but because those who never got to know them suffer as well.
- to the men I love most in this world, your talks of death scare me. but no matter what happens i'll be there, still waiting, still listening to your own eulogies of power and fame and bravery. you know who you all are. i love you all till the very end, whenever that may come.
Happy Belated Valentine's Day.>
7.59am :: Sat, 1 Feb 03
np: CoCo - The Promise alb / mOOd: melancholic (silly c-pop ballads)
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
It's early Saturday morning and I'm up yet again. Nothing changes from the weekdays... This time I've just come back from Terry's house, where I slept most of the night away... So much for JSA bonding. Somehow I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with them or just sit, listening to their conversation. It's nice to take a back-role sometimes... which I really should try to do more often. It's funny, the only reason we ended up at Terry's was because Mina and I got separated from Issei and Daich, who were going to meet Dave... I guess the night would have ended a lot earlier yesterday if we had gone with them. The thing about JSA get-togethers is that we usually stay over all night, going home only at 7 or 8 when we really have to...and it comforts me a little, to save me from going home alone to a dark room and finding Court sleeping or half awake or otherwise distanced from the rest of the world...at least JSA outings prolong that loneliness, so I don't have to think about things. But enough of that, the sun is up (we watched it rise over Hollywood) and I'm seriously not tired. I've gotten enough sleep over the past few days... I can always catch up later.
I think tomorrow we're going to IKEA and then to get some MALAYSIAN FOOD! :D I can't wait. Maybe I'll get some chap fan from Noodle Planet today in prep... ;) But I suppose I'm one of the few insomniacs. Mina prolly won't be up till late afternoon, and everyone else went home for Chinese New Year... Last weekend we passed by the Chinese bakeries in Alhambra and I wished I could buy some pastries for my parents back home. I wonder if express mail would get it there on time so they could eat it.
...somehow i got distracted, and it's now 9.46am. i'm eating the remnants of a lobster quesadilla and some lemon mint mentos my mom sent me. it's beautiful and sunny like oki weather... that's it, time to go out soon! :D
3.35pm :: Fri, 24 Jan 03
np: still jackie / mOOd: still sunny
My roomie dropped one of the squishy pillows, so now it's sitting on the floor all alone looking dejected. How sad...
3.24pm :: Fri, 24 Jan 03
np: something on jackie chan's newest alb / mOOd: sunny
Man, dorm food is getting better. Sushi at Hedrick yesterday, stuffed shells and pork chops at DeNeve today, and I think I've accumulated at least 8 varieties of brownie over the past three days. (: Yum, brownie. Going out to dinner and movies (Hypercube, perhaps? Ahaha.) with the usual group today... Should be fun. Never know what to expect - it's a pleasant feeling, not really anticipation or anxiety but something kind of familiar. It's nice...though sometimes I wonder what I'm missing by holding back on those parties and clubs I always said I'd go to. I'm not disappointed; in fact, I'm quite on the opposite end.
Dang, I didn't mean for this to turn into another ramble... Mmmhmm.. *shrugs*
2.38pm :: Fri, 24 Jan 03
np: cardigans - gran turismo alb / mOOd: sunny
sunny, sunny friday...
Hmm. Gotta order a new comp. *pats old one*
So far I think the lessons I've learned here in LA are the most important, the ones that'll stick with me for awhile to come. Unfortunately, I often forget that they come before those academic lessons (the reason why I'm really supposed to be here), and, when my visa expires, I'm going to have a hard time catching up to where I was supposed to be, either academically or somewhere in the workforce. But for now I'm going to concentrate on what I've been getting at (in no particular order):
Majoring in English with Juli and Nancy (tho we have yet to all be in a discussion section);
Double majoring in Japanese with Monica while trying to meet more people, without having gone thru the 1-6/100 series;
Keeping at ACA functions (despite massive spells of lethargy and conflicting club schedules);
Being friendly/inclusive to everyone who comes out to ACA events, (as Jenny and I promised each other) esp with the size of the club;
Balancing ACA and JSA events (trying not to break commitments and/or promises);
Striking a balance between living in both LA and Oki;
Learning as much as possible about Japan, living in the States, Asian-American culture, friends, life, and love(simply by comparison);
Sleeping only when absolutely necessary; and
Reminding myself that expectation and reality are two very different things.
11.08pm :: Thurs, 22 Jan 03
np: k's choice - cocoon crash alb / mOOd: content
Tonight was good. Headed out to K-town's Cafe Home with Torie and the NSU bunch, where I got to meet all those people I hear stories about... (: Got red bean shaved ice (pa pin suh?) and TARO BOBA... You knew it was coming ;)
Phew. I actually got sufficient sleep last night (6 hours) so I'm probably going to stay up most of the night tonite doing translations for J101A again... Anyone wanna write it out for me instead? (: To procrastinate, I think I'll review what's been going on lately...
1/18 (Sat) Was planning on staying in, but got lured out by Andy and Court to watch LOTR: Two Towers... Smuggled in Togo's Egg Salad & Cheese sandwich (mmm). Got sucked into the cinematography after the first hour or so... Although I think we all agree there was an inclusion of a very amusing breast shot (look at the necklace!! haha) (: Ate at South Street (mmm... philly cheese steak). Bitten by the movie bug (that permanently resides on Andy), we then went to Pennylane and rented AUDITION (woo)...then Blockbuster for Time and Tide (Nic Tse...mmm), Vampire Princess Miyu, Angel Sanctuary, and CUBE (yay). Ended up watching Audition and Kairo and getting thoroughly confused...then falling asleep on Andy's couch while he and Court discussed movies for a good while. He even walked us home! hehe...the obligations of a guy. :D
1/19 (Sun) Joined up with the gang (Mina, Issei, Daich) and headed down to AI for some quality arcade-ing. Played Extreme a couple times, then a lil IIDX 8th style... and practiced at the Lupan Typing game. Mina's pretty fast (: Still making me curious as to what Beatmania DADADA! is like... Should've bought it (keyboard n all) at Main City when I had the chance :X Oh well... I'll wait till the used version of Taiko no Tatsujin comes out so I can bring that and the PS2 back instead. :D
Then got a Taro Milkshake (mmm) and some yummy duck noodles at ABC Cafe in Alhambra... Funny how Ange was at Regents with Derek at about the same time! What a small city (:
The most amusing part of the night... the Papaya POO Shake. Oh man. I'd have never expected that to come up in conversation, much less to have it lead to a discourse on Poo and Toilets, among other Things. *smiles* I luv you guys!
1/20 (Mon) Was definitely going to stay in, but ended up heading out with Torie to Westwood for a "quick lunch"... stopped by VS to get some cheap goods, then the Divaz Boutique ("shoppage!", according to Torie)... And, instead of going back by 4, decided to head down to Curry House for the ultimate anniversary dinner... Can't beat curry pilaf and lemon sherbet for $5! Yummm... Then loaded up on snacks from Nijiya and passed YuuYuu. Woo, what an accomplishment... What else? Headed back and stayed up the rest of the night finishing J101A hw. Yech.
12.40am :: Sat, 18 Jan 03
np: U74 - Love Love / mOOd: sleepy
mmm. a night to relax, do nothing but curl up with the squishy pillow and just reflect on the past few days.
it was a good nite tonite... shopping with ange and court (bought myself a taro-colored shirt :D), then pho with aca... falling asleep watching mulan with y.lee... finding chocolate cheesecake in the fridge. i have no plans for this weekend, but i'm going to try to keep as busy as possible. omoidasenai to samishikunaranai...ne? no matter... i'm happy. good night...
10.14am :: Tue, 14 Jan 02
np: jackson five - i'll be there / mOOd: .:|:.
without memories we are nothing
12.55am :: Wed, 1 Jan 03
np: J-Friends New Year Special on TV / mOOd: amused
New Year's in Japan is such a nice time. Not only is everyone still in a good mood from leftover Christmas gift-giving as well as winter break, but there's lots of specials on TV and money going around :D The J-Friends Christmas special right now has them making ramen (mmm mmm) with random ingredients... they tried mutton ramen (didn't work), regular noodles in hot water with black jelly and yellow beans (blech)...then regular miso ramen, with meringue (sp?) cream, two curled shrimp, and three black beans to make it look like a lil sheep! It was sooo cute, lil shrimp horns and eyes and a nose (: Well, I was amused.
Went to Manza (hotel buffet..yeah yeah I know) with my parents, then headed down to Main Place (shintoshi). Bought an electronic J-E dictionary today. Then spent awhile choosing a snowboarding suit in the sports store... Turns out the saleslady who helped me hadn't seen snow before either, ehehe. And the salesguy (who picked out a pair of pants for me) studied abroad in Cali too! He went to Oceanside and even went to BearMt@SnowSummit, where I'm going next week :D
Whoa, Rush Hour dubbed in Japanese...
Yay for New Year's. Spending it at home, eating strawberries and mikan and relaxing with my parents. (: Happy New Year all!
11.59pm :: Mon, 30 Dec 02
np: ELT - room / mOOd: thoughtful, at the pitter-patter of rain...
Wow. Today was a surprisingly pleasant day. Fell asleep sometime in the wee hours of the morning with all the lights still on... woke up sometime in the morning, turned the lights off, and curled up with a pillow with the sun streaming through the window. Aw, that was nice... reminds me of the times I stayed up in LA, watching the night sky faded to blue and going to bed only when the sunlight burst from between the curtains. That was when all my best writing came about - I guess those are the only times I really sit down and write...and even now, it's only in my blog...kind of sad, but at least the words pour out nearly as fast as I can speak them...
Moving back on track (: I just realized there's so many different kanji for "uta"...
Went to the new outlet mall, ASHIBINAA, today!!! No one believes it exists...but it does, secluded among farmland, and it's pretty impressive for Oki. There's Gucci, Coach (Torie's "bougie" shops :D), Diesel, United Colors, Piko, adidas, Nike, even an EGOIST! I've been wanting to go to Egoist (main store in Shibuya109) for like four years now... Woohoo. Bought a long coat and a fancy sweater... Guess this means I may have to dress up now, huh? ;) Hmm...to bring my boots to LA, or not...
My mom had a good time, too - it was her first time being to an outlet mall and seeing such "poshiness" in Oki (: We tried the Singapore "chicken rice" and the "nasi goreng" in the food court upstairs, but it wasn't all that great... Tho the pepper soup (Ange! :D) came close to Malaysian standards (: Yumm...and then dessert: Chocolate milk boba with a cranberry marshmallow muffin... The drink itself was pretty good, although I guess Okinawans don't kno how to make boba :P and the muffin tasted like Nutri-grain. Oh well (: Looks like Okinawa's outlet mall will be a tourist attraction for awhile yet... :D
Funny how the (randomest) things come up sometimes. I thought I'd put it all behind me, or at least it'd all passed me by...but when the heart hurts, it never lets the mind forget. I always wonder what if, what could have, what might have happened... if only things had been different. If only I could have the power to go back and change them...where's that remote control when you need it?
2.55am :: Mon, 30 Dec 02
np: ELT - UNSPEAKABLE / mOOd: nuy?
Today was fun. Ate at another hotel buffet with my parents for lunch... All they do is eat! But I shouldn't complain because they feed me too (:
Seriously, though, I wonder if I'll still be going to arcades to relieve stress, or sitting behind the glare of the monitor chatting on AiM just for fun. It seems to be something that unites a group of us now - but when all that ends, the trend dies down, what's left of us? I hope that, at the very least, we'll have formed a strong enough bond of friendship that it won't be the end of us...
...just a thought while visiting Dragon's for the second time today...
It's been a week since I last updated...where does the time go? My life here is starting to resemble my life in LA, minus the obligations and expections, but with a car.
12/24 (Tue) I went out shopping, hung out at the arcades again. Ate at the sushi restaurant with Nate and Dan for our Christmas Eve dinner...treated Dan to dinner because he won't eat unless I take him to get food. Sometimes I really do feel like they're my lil brothers (:
12/25 (Wed) Woke up around 11.30 to my dad knocking on my door, telling me to get up. Gave two Brambly Hedge coffee cups and a handwritten card (customary for every holiday) to my parents, then trudged off to eat at Manza (hotel buffet) for lunch. Stuffed myself with cake. Drove up to the aquarium, all the while getting irritated with my dad's jerky driving and slow parking skills. The aquarium put me in a better mood when a fish inspired my dad to dub it "the ugly fish"... Anyway, I have an annual pass now, so I may just go back and sit around looking at the fish. Animals put me at ease for some reason... I make it a point to go to the zoo in every place I visit - Zoo Negara in Malaysia; the Ueno Zoo in mainland; the DC Zoo ("wildebeestin it" on the scale); the national zoo in Korea / Singapore / Hong Kong; the Koza Children's Zoo that my dad and I used to go to every weekend to give bread to the hippos/monkeys/guinea pigs/bunnies/orangutans/fish... Ironically enough, I haven't been to a zoo in California yet, nor Seal Beach, where I've been wanting to go since fourth grade. And I've been in LA about a year now! ...anyone willing to take me to the zoo? :D
12/26 (Thu) Went to dim sum with my parents at Alivila (hotel buffet). Picked up my plane tickets for spring break... I'm COMING HOME ON JAL!! :D :D :D No more United this March! Mwahaha. Saw the light display at the Nishizaki Athletic Park in Itoman that evening. It was pretty... Tho I think the decorations in larger cities must be much more spectacular. For Okinawa, it was quite an accomplishment. I'd like to go back to that park with friends someday, just to go on the roller slide and ropes that hang over the water.
12/27 (Fri) Ate at Laguna (hotel buffet) for lunch. Stuffed myself with sushi (mmm salmon). Went to the nearby 100yen store and spent $16 on random things (good deals for the price) while my parents stocked up on household supplies. I even got two Kewpie mayonnaise bottles for 100yen! Yum...these are coming back with me to LA. Then went to Hamby Town and bought some new makeup, this time with a free consultation. The sales associate applied it well, but used a shade lighter than I normally use. But I got free samples of keshosui (water-lotion?) :D Then stood by and watched my mom nag my dad about buying new pants as they shopped for something they both liked... Later on went to Castle Bakery for pastries (yumm). Now that's what I call family bonding! haha. I really don't remember what happened these two days...at least not that clearly.
12/28 (Sat)Ate at South Island (non-hotel buffet! gasp!) with my parents... They didn't like it but any restaurant that offers 10 different flavors of ice cream and candied sweet potatoes is fine by me (: Hung around Dragon's with Nate and spent waaaaay too much money trying to win a pink GBA in the Sweet Land candy machine... Played TAIKO NO TATSUJIN (getting obsessed with new songs from mix#4) and then... DDR EXTREME!! This mix kicks SO much ass. It's got songs from BM, IIDX, PPP, GuitarFreaks, DrumMania, KeyboardMania, and more... When we played it didn't attract much attention, but by the end of the night the DDR/IIDX nerds had taken over. We couldn't even get within 10 feet of the dang machine. And in Japan it's SO much easier to camp in arcades than it is in LA... You'd think we stay at places like AI and CyberZone forever... Nate and I were at Dragon's for at least 2 hours and those guys didn't show any sign of leaving. Oh well... There's always the other yakuza arcade, where experts go to train ;)
12/29 (Sun) After a nice lunch at Laguna (hotel buffet), I came back, sat around, tried to print out my mom's pictures of her garden...but to no avail. I don't know why, but the color settings are off (maybe it's the printer?) and all the pictures come out tinted red. Called Dan (because he NEVER EATS) and took him out to Coco's to get a late curry lunch, while I devoured a tuna salad (GOMA DRESSING <3) and the Tokyo Banana & Ginza Ichigo pastries he brought me from his trip to mainland. Yumm, omiyage boxes. Then we drove around (on a dangerously low tank of gas) to Gushikawa to look for used game/book stores... Ended up finding the Koza road leads straight to Book Market, Book Joy, Book Box, Tsutaya, Geo's, and Book Off! All the games were the same price, and I couldn't find any Cloud CDs for Issei or the Iwanami Kogo Jiten for Hayato. Grarrr. I'll have to go back later on in the week (: But it was a fun nite, topped off with a "hella ghetto" dinner at "hella ghetto" A&W in a "trashy town"... haha. At least it's not as dirty as Gate 2!! :P Ended the day without the DAI "True Song", Onitsuka "Sugar High", or B'z "The Ballads" albums; or a cheap, used copy of Unlimited Saga, Puzzle Bobble 2, Clockwork Tower 3, FFX International, or the X fighting game; or the two TAIKO NO TATSUJIN controllers at Jusco for only $52; or the electronic J-E dictionary I need for "advanced modern japanese" (pshhh) next quarter... But that's okay. Some other time (:
While surfing friends' friends sites, I found this: Lulu cosplay... she's so amazing. and she's my height! I want at least TRY this costume on ;)
Phew. Maybe this week we'll actually make it to the outlet mall, Akibinaa... The ELT "UNTITLED 4 Ballads" album is awesome. It's Monday! I have less than a week left! :O :/ :D :P :S
11.38pm :: Mon, 23 Dec 02
np: spitz - spider / mOOd: taken over by technology
Ooo... Samsung cell phones :D
A600 260k color display, 40-chords
V100 mp3/mpeg4 phone. 65k color display.
A570 lightweight, high-speed internet phone.
But for me, it's a toss-up between these three:
A530 65k colors (int). 256 colors (ext). polyphonic ringtones AND under verizon;
the Panasonic GU87, even tho it doesn't have a color external screen... but just because its design kicks ass;
and the sanyo camera phone (SCP-5300)despite the fact that it only has 16-chord ringtones and 65k colors (:
Apathy has taken over my life. It's sad... I didn't make it to Koda Kumi's performance at Carnival Park - not that I really wanted to go, but it would have been nice to see someone famous performing on Oki. There wasn't even a cover charge or anything. I couldn't even bring myself to go to Chet&Chad's party (although that wasn't pure laziness)... Well. One of these days I'll make it out. I bought a few more magazines at Tsutaya... Don't know what else to do here but vegetate.
11.38am :: Mon, 23 Dec 02
np: spitz - scarlet / mOOd: eh
Woke up groggily this morning to get my hair cut. Ended up being late to the salon. Tip: Eye tape works well for disguising puffy eyes... There's this one woman who always cuts my hair now - probably just because she was the first one assigned to me before the salon changed management - but ehhhh... I'd rather have a different person cut my hair. One guy tells me stories about his dreams and stuff like "I'm wearing women's jeans" puahaha... :D Next time I'll get his card...next time, especially since DAN (who got his hair cut at the same place on the same day) told the guy with the weird eyes I wanted a different stylist! Oh well... this time she just cut my bangs, and then showed me how to curl my hair :D It's still curly now, even after I've slept on it...tehehe just a lil more...and then long ayu-waved hair. Only thing bad about dying your hair is that your eyebrows don't match :P
Then went shopping around Mihama a lil... Nothing to relieve stress like weekend-shopping. Sigh, reminds me of high school weekends, walking around myself (or even hitorigurashi in LA)...but I definitely don't feel like a high schooler any more. Bought a few Christmas presents for people, just because I was reminded of them when I saw them. (: Met up with Dan a lil later and tried to text msg Nate... I still don't know how to put in punctuation, so most of the msgs read: "hey its jen what are you doing come to eat with us naked lesbian yakiniku tabehoudai all you can eat 1500yen ok" ...not that that sounds very enticing.
Yakiniku was good (: Ate my fill and practiced back-parking... Spent money at Tsutaya AGAIN...Argh! It was a pretty good day. Maybe I'll go shopping on my own a lil more often.
Today Koda Kumi is performing at this new dance studio that just opened... Bet it's gonna be crowded. Oh well, might as well go check it out...
5.48am :: Sun, 22 Dec 02
np: spitz - omoide ni narumae ni / mOOd: the opposite of nostalgic
I just want to move forward and get on with life. Just forward momentum, keep on moving, perpetuate the motions...
12/20 (Fri) - I went out to the arcades with Nate and Dan, where we all met up with Taka, Chet, and Chad. Went to Dragon's (as usual) for the first time since I've been back. I'll never get tired of that place, heh. Went karaoke randomly around 11.30 and stayed there for two hours... THEN realized I'd parked my car inside the Jusco parking lot, which closes at midnight. Hauled ass back to Jusco in the rain, only to find the exits all chained off...so, after much ado standing around, we piled into Chet's car and got back around 3am...sigh. I think that's the latest I've ever come home. (: It's actually quite an accomplishment...
12/21 (Sat) Got woken up to my dad telling me that Nick was at the door... (incredibly random surprise). Trundled around in salmon pink pjs before deciding to change and go out to eat... Drove up to Alivila for dim sum before realizing we didn't have a reservation...so drove back down to Mihama and ate at the Kaitenzushi (sushi on revolving belt-type restaurant) place... Mmm...Hadn't had sushi in 5 months. :D Then went for two rounds of Taiko no Tatsujin (set on super speed battle mode) before heading back home...where I found out Dan wanted to go out. Headed off to KFC to eat (chicken and tiramisu...random but good) and then picked up Nate on the way to the new San-A... Dinner consisted of cream puffs, fancy french cafe ice cream, and random bakery pastries. All in all, got fat and gained a totoro keychain from the UFO catcher as well as two tarepandas from Dan :D
12/22 (Sun) Off to cut / re-dye my hair today... THREE days until Christmas!! Where does the time fly?! I haven't bought presents for anyone yet... :X Oh well. After staying up WAY too late resolving the last 3 years of my life on MSN, I'm going to head to bed before the sun comes up, I guess. Morning, all.
3.50pm :: Sat, 21 Dec 02
np: spitz (playin in my head) / mOOd: content
atama ni kurukuru mawatteru... these spitz songs are stuck in my head - too bad i left the cd in the car... guess i'll have to go out to listen to it! *trundles off to the new outlet mall*
4.21pm :: Thurs, 19 Dec 02
np: spitz - aoi kuruma / mOOd: relaxed
It's 4.30pm and raining outside. But it's a peaceful sort of rain right now, so it's a nice change from warm Oki winter weather. Except for this morning, when I woke up at 9 to return my CDs to Tsutaya (yes, AGAIN...can I help it if I'm a J-pop whore? (: ) and the gate was freaking closed... for FIFTEEN MINUTES. I could've turned around and gone thru the base (for once... as much as I hate driving on-base) and sped out another gate. But noooo... so I ended up paying the dang $4.20 late fee. On another note, went out to eat dim sum with my dad... I always have the most random conversations with him so it was truly an entertaining lunch - also cos this was the first time I've actually talked to him since I've been back. And I saw these old pictures of him, hehehe... I don't know if anyone else is amused about old family stories but... My dad has really long eyebrows and in this one passport picture (and everyone knows how bad those turn out (: ) you can see eyebrow hairs extending like 2 inches from his face... Anyway. I thought it was interesting. *shuts up*
2.55am :: Thurs, 19 Dec 02
np: Kuraki Mai - Fushigi no Kuni / mOOd: yawn
Okay. I have no idea how to insert an image into a HTML file. Random thought: I think I'd like a small table in the middle of my room. It'd be easier to work on, although it might get kinda cramped and I'd prolly trip over it mid-nap. Eh.
2.01am :: Thurs, 19 Dec 02
np: Kuraki Mai - Fairy Tale / mOOd: rattle rattle
Okay, it's 2am and I'm still up, reading random people's blogs and wondering how the hell Nancy makes all those updates (: I'm attempting (miserably) to put up pictures on this site...let's see how much longer it takes me to do this.
12.28am :: Wed, 18 Dec 02
np: ayu - everlasting dream / mOOd: warning: FAT update, heh.
At home now, yay. There's nothing quite like it. Time passes by so fast because I actually spend 6 hours sleeping (gasp) - I can't even imagine how short the break would be if I slept 9 hours a night. Either way, I manage to accomplish a lot during the day...like spending money :D
12/14 (Sat)
1.10pm Ran into Frank the TA (he's everywhere...STALKER!!...just kidding, that's Juli ;) ) and Erin at the SF Aiport. What a small world...
12/15 (Sun)
5.30pm Arrived in Osaka. Went with Erin to the outlet malls at Rinku Town... felt good just to walk around in crisp "winter" weather. Lotteria torikara balls (CHICKEN BALLS...not like that) are good with vanilla milkshakes. Mmm, even Japanese fast food is the best.
10.30pm Finally back at the Okinawa airport. Said bye to Erin - I don't think I'll see her again at all this break, but that's okay. Once acquaintances, nothing ever changes. Made my parents take me to Lawson to load up on onigiri, apple tea, hazelnut mushroom chocolates, and other random snacks (: I'm going to gain so much weight here...
12/16 (Mon)
Woke up at 8am thinking I have homework to finish before class at 9... Made daily round to Tsutaya and spent nearly $30 renting CDs. Yay, having a car.
12/17 (Tue)
Went to the new San-A in Naha ("downtown"). Got all excited at the opening of INGNI, another 109 store. Bought a fluffy white down jacket and a red-orange sweater. Spent too much money in the Nike/Adidas outlet stores... Loaded up on socks for next quarter (maybe it'll be colder in LA) and was tempted to get snowboarding jacket/waterproof pants for the JSA ski trip in January... $300 for a jacket and pants seems a bit excessive. :P How much do these things uusally cost?
As for today, I think my mom has gone a lil crazy...she offered to buy me a Coach purse. Even more tempting...hmmmmm.
Made another round to Tsutaya. Bought Ayu's RAINBOW. Kind of disappointed by the submit-your-own-lyrics section - it limits you to 128-character submissions on your thoughts about the album and a survey about why you bought it. Oh well, there's also links to Ayu merchandise, CMs (15-seconds and 30-seconds), and the
instrumental of RAINBOW. (If you get an error msg, it's cos the server (geocities) is swamped. Let me kno by e-mail or post a msg on the scrawlwall if it doesn't work properly.) All in all, this album is pretty good...but that was to be expected (:
Other good songs:
CHEMISTRY - "My Gift To You"
Koda Kumi - "maze"
Kuraki Mai - "Fairy tale"
Road of Major - "Taisetsunamono"
(only because it played in Chusho's car ALL during Vegas)
SILVA - "Shampooman"
The only bad thing bout home is being checked up on all the time. Yarrrrr. Makes me feel more like a baby than JSA does, heh. (: Ending on a random note...
7.48pm (LA) :: Tues, 26 Nov 02
np: aiko - hanabi / mOOd: like updating
So I decide to do a revamp of the programs on my computer only to find that I'm pretty much illiterate with what's going on. I installed IE 6.0, AiM 5.0, MSN 5.0, and Office XP with Japanese support - except somehow all of that jacked up the Japanese encoding on IE so now I can't read any websites in Japanese... Arrgh!! I didn't realize it'd be this frustrating.
But, it's been a good nite. Went out DDRing in Westwood with Torie and her friend Robert, then got shaved ice at Relaxtation and headed back up to the dorms for RICE PUNCH (mmm), mikan, honeycomb chips, and crushed nashi....ahh.
9.09am :: Wed, 8 Oct 02
np: peaceful silence / mOOd: happy
Yesterday was such a good day.
I ran to Royce in the morning to check the J-placement exam results, only to find that I'd completely waived out of the 100 series (3rd yr) and placed into 101, Advanced Modern Japanese... After class and tabling for a lil bit, I ended up getting a later due date for a piece of homework I didn't do, running into a friend, borrowing some money from another very gracious friend to eat lunch, getting a 2 hr lecture cut in half, calling my parents, eating ice cream cake at the staff meeting, watching roomie put up neat new posters, getting taken out to dinner by another friend, eating korean bbq and shaved ice and playing card games in cushy red leather chairs, and going to the arcade and finding IIDX 7th mix and getting complimented by the owner of the arcade (a nice elderly Korean man) on my IIDX playing...haha...and getting mistaken for Korean a lil more than three times. If there was ever a picture of happiness, this would be it. I hope everyone experiences these kind of feelings at least in the near future...chin up and smile, you never know who's watching (:
1.22pm :: Sun, 7 Oct 02
np: ayu - appears (armin van buren mix) / mOOd: ehhhh
Sunday morning, and things are a lil less hectic than the week before. Slow lunches put me at ease. I guess it's just because ACA has been taking up way more time than I'd like it to, and especially because I just haven't had a day to myself, in between getting up at 7 every morning and staying up till 2 or 3. I suppose I have those random hours on weekdays, but you can't really be alone on campus. There's a lot of things I haven't done in awhile, and I'd like to get back into the swing of things...but... Well. Sometimes you can't really control how things go.
But yesterday was pretty good, though it wasn't exactly chill. JSA had a BBQ at Marina Del Ray and a whole spread of food, beef and pork and sausages, fruit, vegetables, candy - not to mention the food we made, chocolate marshmallows and rainbow gummi bears - if there was a word for sitting around, eating and looking out at the marina and talking to friends, it would be something close to shiawase. Am I mistaken in calling them friends?
I learned a new card game yesterday tho, in addition to a few other things in conversation... But I still feel that pressing difference in age, no matter how close the background may be. Thankfully it's not so prominent with this group, but I noticed it with some first-years the other day. While waiting for the J-placement exam to start, some girl started talking to a guy behind her... Basically it was all those random topics first-years bring up to make conversation - he's in NSU, she isn't, he's Neuroscience, what was she? Undecided so far, she's going home this weekend, is he? no, there's a party in D 4th floor (as if we party in Dogwood), she wanted to check out premier but is too busy with floor government (oh save us from being sucked into the madness), he says "oh" and they leave it at that. It was interesting to say the least - even if I never get to Psych the major I'll always be able to sit around and listen to other people's conversations.
Mmm... tarepanda e-mail not working. Use the jcsy@ucla.edu one. I'm off for another lazy Sunday. Whoever still reads this, stop by to say hi... You never know what'll happen tomorrow.
11.20am :: Sun, 15 Sep 02
np: trancematch - beautiful / mOOd: burnt
Spent most of the day at the beach yesterday...I feel like SanX's burnt bread (heehee). On another note, if I were a fruit, I'd be a very burnt very bouncy fruit. Kind of like a hyperactive tomato.
9.26pm :: Tues, 10 Sept 02
np: electronic buzzing / mOOd: pretentious
How is it that writers can isolate themselves for weeks, days, months, years, and still produce enough material that it isn't regarded as filler? I just came back from Naha, running around the island as usual, and I've found that conflict inspires me to write. Sheer force, clashing interests, desperate times - I suppose angst is my driving force, frustration by all means a close second. I don't think I ever wrote well without them - not to say I write well with them - so let's say I write when I'm mad at the world...maybe I should just shut my mouth and stop trying to blame everything else but myself.
2.42am :: Sat, 7 Sept 02
np: DDR 4th Korean+ mix / mOOd: thoughtful
If I were given the chance, let's say, to open up my own business - something along the lines of modern fashion: clothes, makeup, hair, nails - and I were guaranteed even the slightest chance at success with location and a regular customer base - I would take it. But so would a billion or so other people. Hopefully these years in college contribute something in that direction...just a random thought.
02:42 a.m. :: Sat, 7
np: / mOOd:
2.04am :: Mon, 2 Sept 02
np: ayu - \"evolution\" (goldenscan remix) / mOOd: hmmmmmm
From now on I think my mOOds will be limited to monosyllabic grunts, hehe. (: I went to the Orion Beer Fest today - the fireworks at the end made it worthwhile... Didn't spend any money on games this time round though; I ended up spending too much at Naha. *pulling a Nicchi* But the shirts I got kick ass. One from Super Lovers (kitschy punk styles, surprisingly they have stores in Tokyo and London) says J-POP on the front and "God Saves The Customers of Super Lovers" on the back... I thought it was amusing. And the other is a sweater with cherry blossoms printed on the shoulder and the word "MAN-TERA" on the back - anyone have any ideas what this means?
Anyway. Japan is cashing into the parody goods market - they're reproducing pens that look like syringes, pencil cases modelled after candy wrappers, and other random things that resemble their food counterparts. I was tempted by the Band-Aid post-its but I bought myself a Meiji chocolate mirror instead, just cos (:
Oh, and I amused myself in this new furniture store (think Ikea meets the space allocated in an urban Japanese building), where I found a cushion filled with snow beads: $600, and a cushy blue couch for $2000. Mmm...furniture shopping would be nice if I could bring home the furniture, heh.
10.21am :: Sun, 1 Sept 02
np: DJ Jurgen - \ / mOOd: ehhhhhhhh
A little belated late-night rant, just cos:
Don't ever drive by Gate 2. Ever. Ever, ever, ever, especially not late at night with drunk marines and airmen and servicemembers and assholes wearing dark colors who like to walk backwards across the damn street not paying attention to traffic and then turn around and pretend to scream like a little girl when a car screeches to a stop in front of them.
9.58pm :: Thurs, 29 Aug 02
np: inspirational music on japanese tv / mOOd: thoughtful
All this stuff going on lately... There's a typhoon making its away around the island, and somehow that seems to be the same way people are being overwhelmed by things around them. Just take it easy, breathe slowly, relax. Everyone needs some form of stability in their lives, be it music or poetry or writing, even that occasional whine on the computer that seems to make things seem momentarily better. So, sometime in this lull between lifestyles (that a typhoon often brings) I'd like to take the time out to say that if you ever need me (you know who you are) I'll be here to listen. In the transition between summer and school, I feel like everyone's getting pulled this way and that, starting new lives, beginning to build whatever it is we hope to create for ourselves in the future... So, the question of the day is, where will we all be in ten years' time...?
My dad was telling me a story earlier today...and while all these random things popped in my head, I think I realized how hard it is to live through someone else - something parents put themselves through every day. How much of you is complete until you've learned to love someone else so unconditionally? I don't know how long the process takes, but, at this moment, anytime during the period of the next ten years seems very, very soon.
I'll be twenty-eight years old. It'll be the year two-thousand and twelve. I will be a graduate of approximately nine years of some institute(s) of higher learning, if I attend graduate school. Regardless of how many years I had attended school, I will most probably have held a job by that time, and have driven in the States. I may or may not even be in the States at that time. I will have traveled consistently back and forth between the US and Japan. I may not grow any taller, but I will look much different. But, to this day, I still do not know what I will be doing with my life. I don't think any of us do...maybe it's better that way.
Dreams shatter without warning.
1.07am :: Sun, 25 Aug 02
np: late-nite japanese tv / mOOd: amused
today i went karaoke with dan, nate, matt, and chuck at big echo... it's been so long since we've been - prolly the beginning of the summer - and we just went all out. the DAM system's been replaced with this kick-ass high-tech remote, on which you can search for songs according to artist, genre, and even the hit list from when you were in middle school/high school/college/a kid! ahh...amazing. every time the list was filled with about 20 songs; i don't think we finished them all, even towards the end.
songs we just can't live without (most often in this order):
any random utada hikaru
yellow monkey - "brilliant world"
fayray - "baby if,"
l'arc - "forbidden lover"
fayray - "remember"
utada hikaru - "wait and see ~risk~"
utada hikaru - "hikari"
any random kuraki mai single
judy and mary - "motto"
ayu - "evolution"
whiteberry - "natsu matsuri"
olivia - "yokubou ~i.l.y~"
olivia - "DEKINAI"
boa - "kimochi wa tsutawaru"
boa - "listen to my heart"
elt - "time goes by"
amuro namie - "never end"
amuro namie + verbal - "lovin' it"
any random do as infinity song
old old globe songs - "departures", "sayonara", "tonikaku mushou ni", "is this love?", "many classic moments"
j - "ojechorom"
mo-musu - "the peace!"
mo-musu - happy summer wedding"
mo-musu - "renai revolution 21"
mo-musu - "souda! we're alive!"
random mr children single
utada hikaru - "kettobase!"
the brilliant green - "angel song"
the brilliant green - "hello another way"
...phew. but we sang a lot more today. a whole lot more (:
the evening would've been even better if we could've gotten a picture with the giant SANPINCHA can sitting outside carnival park. three times my camera died on me - i finally got it to work only after we'd walked away. stupid camera.
*sigh* there'll be other times, no? we can only hope...
2.42am :: Sat, 24 Aug 02
np: two guys singing \"A-SS-H-O-L-E\" in rounds / mOOd: lively
****** SIGNS spoilers ******
Funny. M. Night Shyamalan, director, writer, producer of Signs, actually stars in his own freaking movie. He's the guy who fell asleep at the wheel, swerving off the road and pinning Marshall's wife between his truck and a tree - and ultimately bringing around the whole spiritual revelation in Marshall's (is that even his name?) life - is this supposed to point to revelations about our own lives being brought about by random strangers - i.e. the writer, director, producer, and now prophet of the movie? I don't even understand his symbolism; it reminds me of those one-liners from The Matrix that were supposed to keep everyone guessing when I just fell asleep. Figures, this man wrote The Sixth Sense too - add those to the pile of other blockbuster hits that just spouted philosophical garbage. I mean, is the failed baseball star (Marshall's brother - honestly, I can't remember anyone else's name) supposed to be remniscent of Catcher in the Rye? Why didn't Shyamalan just call it The Failed Minor League Player Who Has No Real Role except to Beat the Hell out of the only freaking Alien in the Whole Movie...aka "Catcher in the Cornfield"?
2.10am :: Sat, 24 Aug 02
np: old SNL episodes on comedy central / mOOd: thoughtful
Why doesn't anyone update their blogs? *sniff*
I went to see Signs today; it was... well, I don't quite know what to think about it. It was supposed to be one of those pseudo-horror films (which have been all too popular as of late) with generic previews that reveal literally nothing of what the movie's about...but I think somewhere along the line it got mixed up with being religious and introspective and basically overwhelmed itself. It questioned lost faith, lost love, the strength of family, a reason for living, the meaning of life, yadda yadda, stuff that is supposed to make us sit down and reflect upon our hectic miserable existences. But when I finished the movie all I felt was a lingering sense of something missing - not from my own life, but from the movie itself. So many things in that movie went unexplained and unseen - it was like there were a few holes that could only be patched up with filler like "ailens spewing poisonous gas" and strange camera angle closeups on blank patches of wall. Oh, and don't let us forget the scary noises at least seven decibels too loud - a la Resident Evil.
Actually, I had a thought - Signs is awfully similar to Silent Hill - not only are there random evil attack dogs and an angelic (althought perpetually dazed) little girl in both, the main character is a strange out-of-towner who is struggling to come to terms with his wife's death as well as with an explanation to the meaning of life. Oh, and don't let us forget the men in green suits - I mean, the "aliens". Yes...cut off their arms and they become the bogeymen found in Silent Hill apartment buildings (Think Marshall's basement in "Signs"...I mean, did anyone see the details on that DOOR? Geez.).
But hey, it was pretty good. *shrugs* And then I made myself sick on Karu chips and other random snacks. Mmm. junk food. :D
Oh, and another random example of what Japanese commercialism will do to you: I bought this yellow Pineapple-Lemon (20% fruit juice) drink at Familymart; it tasted first like pineapple, then lemon, then smushed itself together in a really strange tangy fake-yellow-coloring aftertaste. Just because the Morning Musume like it (Mo-musu DAISUKI! is what it says on the label) doesn't mean it tastes good. Blech.
11.57pm :: Sun, 18 Aug 02
np: / mOOd: irritated
i'm not really as nice as you may think i am. on the other hand, if you think i'm a bitch, then so be it! *laughs* i have my reasons...
on a side note, i had a good time today cruising around the island. naha, ginowan, mihama, nakanomachi, sunabe... (: game st., this new arcade near ginowan, does free balloon wrapping, gives away jelly, and puts picture stickers on a badge...for free. post-modern promotion. i am impressed! (:
is this cute? --> "Haro", by Bandai. <-- it can "flap" its ears while reciting the time... *shrugs* one of those random purchases (:
10.20am :: Sat, 17 Aug 02
np: m-flo - \"come back to me\" / mOOd: dancy
I'm up. Eating Famous Amos cookies, mmm. Singing off-key. Amused. Content.
*purr*
3.13pm :: Sun, 11 Aug 02
np: / mOOd:
the best part about having a birthday in the summer... no one remembers. or cares, unless you spend money on them instead. life is funny that way.
1.45am :: Sun, 11 Aug 02
np: Gareth Gates - \"Unchained Melody\" / mOOd: nostalgic for an age in which i didn't live
Nick sent me this song... It's rather sad; all 50s songs are. I kind of miss that kind of music, but it seems like it wouldn't fit in this day and age, when we're all too swept up in our schedules to listen to someone else's lament... I guess that's what these blogs are for. Kate updated: Funny how alike these last entries were... I was going to say something about wishes - but I think she said it quite well. To quote R.L. Stein (ha), "Careful what you wish for. It just might come true." Ha, I say. Ha.
12.24am :: Sun, 11 Aug 02
np: ayu - \"audience\" (ayu-mix-4 ver) / mOOd: melancholic
「今日は 毎年恒例の 宜野湾羽衣祭りに行って来た。」 (Today I went to the annual Ginowan Hagoromo Festival.) That is what I meant to write...at least, according to Nick's correction of my original sentence. I don't think I could have ever come up with that, not in a million years. My Japanese has sunk to sub-par level, way below what I once hoped to be (or even what I once thought I was) in high school. Well, at least I have Japanese-speaking friends to help me with what to write, even though I'll never match up to them, no matter what I do... But I digress. I'm trying to curb the pity parties and self-deprecation sessions; no one is interested, right? And I wouldn't want to bore you all.
So let me start over: Today I went to the annual Ginowan Hagoromo Festival, held nearby Tropical Beach. I've always loved festivals, though I stopped going to them at one point. Nate helped me win an inflatable yellow (heehee) Pikumin, which I'm planning to bring to LA and put up in my room...with the pandas and PS2 and all the other random crap. We found this inflatable hamster headband (woohoo, another 300 yen prize), watched some ska / rock n roll bands perform, and drank some very strange, kind of stale, wrinkled calpis boba. And the fireworks were awesome. Each time I see them they just get better - they relax me (not unliks some mild drugs - haha just kidding) just like late night silence and trance music with words - it's during these times that the words just pour into my head, drowning all else out, and for a few moments, all is right with the world... But I'm not complaining. I have a good life, good friends. Sometimes thinking just overwhelms me. All in all, it was a good night.
6.12pm :: Fri, 9 Aug 02
np: ayu - \ / mOOd: content
as part of a subliminal marketing scam, i've decided to open my blog page to whoever reads my profile on aim. so, welcome, relax, enjoy.
oh, and a general disclaimer: whenever i read other people's blogs i sometimes get irritated, disillusioned, angry at the world because of their words. but this is largely due to my own personal ramifications about certain topics - if you experience the same symptoms during your stay here, feel free to let me know. and, better yet, don't direct any of that bitterness at me, unless my grammar is poor or my opinions are invalid. i have warned you, and i hope you all, being the worldly individuals you are, can look upon my thoughts with an clear head and open mind. thanks for visiting.
---on monday i get my license. watch out, okinawa.
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