for me?i guess I just can’t help feeling uncomfortable that what I really feel is open for the whole world to see. So I end up talking about trivial matters, occasionally letting off steam or appreciating some things.
When I sit in front of the monitor, staring blankly at the screen, attempting to write an entry, events of the day and my thots will come to me.(well, sometimes at least) but then, I hold on to these, and instead, ‘turn’ to the other side of my mind and talk bout stuff that really isin’t that big an issue.
I want to write an entry about things that I care and bother with.
Looking around me now, everyone around me are like falling apart, yes, including me.if not, I wouldn’t be here 8 in the morning typing in front of the computer while everyone’s in school. Feel like there’s a coconut husk stuck inside my throat kind of feeling now yea. I always thought that some of the ppl I knew were who they present themselves to be, but I thought wrong. They present themselves as a happy-go-lucky person, and you will feel that they’ll really stress-free and everything. But I guess everyone hides themselves. I know I do that too. Too often now. But why? On one hand, you don want to bring your emotions to sch, and make ya frenz suffer for it, pondering all day long “what the hell is wrong?” but on the other hand, isin’t it good to have someone to confide to and share your burden? I’m sure if those people were really ur true frenz, they wouldn’t mind “suffering” with you.
ALevels is killing everybody. Ppl around me think that they sux and everything. However, as an outsider, I feel that some of my frenz are really good. Not because they are my good frenz and everything, but judging by their character and attitude, I know eventually, good results are a sure thing. However, ppl choose not to believe in themselves. I’m someone like this. I think I sux at my academic because I judge myself according to what I do and the results that I reap. They don’t tally. What can I say-I’m stupid.
Being in a top 5 school sometimes doesn’t really help. Smart-ass ppl are around you all the time. You get really bad grades for your exam, and everyone’s telling you that that’s because your sch standard is high.( that’s how they dismiss it! That’s why they think I’m doing badly! it kills me) right…and the teacher consistently reminds you that this paper was much easier than the other one.ladada. maybe I wasn’t from a top school in secondary, that’s why I’m thinking like this. But what can I say, I’ve live through 1 and a half years, consistently not very happy thou. A few more months and it’ll be over
I was shocked when one of my frenz told me this, “ I think you’ll handling well. It’s good to see u being optimistic.” Did I really cover myself that well? Perhaps. I don know. Maybe I didn’t voice out my sorrows then. But I feel that I am not allowed to do so. Like isin’t everyone arnd me doing Alevels too? What reasons do I have to feel so miserable when they have to go thru the same thing too? So, who else do I have left to sob to? My parents? Not that I don’t love them, but sometimes, they just don get what I’m saying or feeling. In the end, I keep all these in the darkest corner of my heart. And let it out only when I’m prompted to in a situation, to whom, I don know. Perhaps myself.
when you come to JC, how many true frenz will u walk away with? I don know. I use to think that I’ve found quite a number of good frenz arnd me. But when times come, will they be there for you? No doubt, not everybody will be there. At times, I found out that I was alone. It’s these times that I realize, even if you were to die, the world will keep spinning and everyone will still continue with their life. I mean that’s like the correct thing to do. But, this is truly a sad fact. How many frenz will exactly know what you really feel just by looking at you and listening to the tone of your voice?
no doubt, I have some really great frenz here in sch. They helped me through some times and we share fond memories. But will all these end once we all graduate into the cold, hard world?
Right. I want to be happy. But I feel GUILTY for being happy. Why? I don know. I’m confused. My head’s spinning just at the thought of it.
yes. My first and perhaps last ‘true’ entry.
wing pinked out @ Friday, July 30, 2004, 08:56 a.m.
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~boogie-eyed~
yay!this entry is specially dedicated to banana!who said i didn't update.haha. aren't u touched?!*pokes skin*
er..haha.lousy attempt.
yea,i wore my new specs to sch today!think i totally blend in to the sch as a mugger.hah!but i still like my specs!cause i can see better in them!despite the constant adjusting which made me look like an idiotic professor.haha
anyways,as i was saying today, i think i have a wierd body system.i have this period when i get really hungry all the time-that's my peak period and then later on there's this period where i don't feel hungry at all-that's the off-peak.
and as linz put it, i'm like an animal!during summer, i come out of the cave and eat all i want and later on, in winter, just go back to my cave and hibernate
yea.how exciting.i wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me!? *ponders*
oh yes!do u know that pure milk shirts now have this design where it's a pig with a halo, and the pig has wings!!! which means pigs can fly!!!!yay!
how cool is that huh?
my bday's coming u know.
wing pinked out @ Monday, July 26, 2004, 07:37 p.m.
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el nino effect
argh... i took like 20mins to get this freakin com started.but at least, it's working now.(i hope)the weather is getting so so hot nowadays!!muz be the ITCZ moving, along with the el nino effect yea!hahz
oh no, jus heard today that a levels is like 10 weeks away?my heart almost jumped out.bleahz.this sux.i feel so so unprepared for a levels.oh no.....!!!
anywayz,alexis!fudge is so cute!!!haha!i have this fascination for hammies now!but,i'll probably be too lazy to clean up it's cage. and i killed 1 of my turtles last year....traumatised. :( i mean like... how can a turtle even die?! yes...i manage it.
A tribute to my deceased turtle
(can't remember it's name)
*1 minute silence*
Amen.
wing pinked out @ Tuesday, July 20, 2004, 05:28 p.m.
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my life is so screwed.with CTs results.i studied.but not reaping what i sowed.disappointed until i don feel much sadness?i don knw.haha.mayb numbed.
i don wan to take A levels.bleahs.it scares me.
yay!the com hasn't hang!
wing pinked out @ Friday, July 9, 2004, 04:41 p.m.
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i did a good deed today!Muahaha.
Had cip today!did flag day for the KDF, and in case u'll wondering what that stands fer, it's kidney dialysis foundaation. and no..it's not part of NKF.until today, did i realise that ppl ACTUALLY don like nkf!they made sure they weren't donating to nkf b4 giving some $$.haha....guess nkf's frequent charity shows and stuffs didn't work much wonders.
OOoo... i brought my sandals!thanks lao zhu tou for bringing me to the army mkt!along with beat!haha..things there are pretty cheap! Oh, and i ate some chilli noodles and granny's grass jelly which are both yuMMY!!! haPPiness!!!
aH!it's holis.be away the coming mon for da geo trip! exci-TING!hah.hope i don fall sick. miss meeee ppL...~~~~
wing pinked out @ Saturday, May 29, 2004, 06:49 p.m.
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i'M doNe witH DONNE!
haha... tadaA~!
i'm here slacking. actually, not really. was doin my lit essay on donne's luVVVVvv poems which are basically driving me insane. I mean like all his poems are on how perfect his love is? they are in a world of their own? They ascend to the divine realm?--->(haha..rhetorical qns!)oh manz, give me a break! haha.
Personally, i don think love's all that perfect. how true is it that you'll find someone perfect for u? don think that's really possible. Right! jus like what Arthur Schopenhauer said, " There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy. So long as we persist in this inborn error the world seems to us full of contradictions."
AHHHH.......so why seek perfect love?
haha. crappin arnd. back to my essay! bleahs~
wing pinked out @ Monday, April 19, 2004, 09:39 p.m.
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