on second thots, the faster it comes, the faster it's going to be over...and it'll be freedom!but now, it's.......hell.
i've never felt so insecured in my whole life when taking exams. not that i studied super hard for Os, but at least i felt i knew some of my stuff well. but for As, it's jus....different.it's really hard to predict. and i just hope to do reasonably well, not harbouring any thots of getting straight As. bleaH.
it's funny how the year starts out and ends with a complete twist by the end. just like how u always read a thriller novel,where the murderer is always the one just by your side. That's how it feels. it seems really wierd to me how my feelings, opinions and relationship changes with different ppl. Someone whom i thought will never come into my life comes in the very last min, at the most crucial stage. While others whom i thot will be standing there right to the end appears...distant.so far that i cannot reach out anymore.
that's how life is? haha...so wierd.but no matter what, i'm awfully grateful to those that stood by me all along, those that made me see the 'light' (er...haha,that sounds funny)
hmmm...i'll really miss ao1 too, when the time comes for all of us to leave. can't imagine the days without all the laming and crapping. i wonder if we'll all meet up often after we leave sch. it's be great then. so if anyone's reading this, "thanks for leaving memories in my life!"
wing pinked out @ Wednesday, October 13, 2004, 11:17 p.m.
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blah
realise how my previous entry sounds wrong at some point.
Brr..
enlightment...I attained enlightment.
Ignorance is bliss.
er...did mrs poon say sumtin like don be an ostrich?cos it chooses to overlook what is wrong?
wells, i wanna be an ostrich. (did i spell it correctly??)
wing pinked out @ Sunday, October 3, 2004, 09:29 p.m.
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crashed.
Hated sch in the beginning.grew to like it by the first year.but detested it again in the 2nd.And found hope yet again.
Right now, everything's lost.
What's that bout working hard and you'll do it? no..i must be optimistic.
but one thing's for sure. friendship??? a load of crap.
wing pinked out @ Saturday, October 2, 2004, 05:12 p.m.
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mummy...it's Over
yeap.prelims is officially over. signalling the nearing of the big thing. N i believe i am rather screwed up, esp, for maths. nah..even praying wouldn't help.
i feel empty now. i don know why. juz feel this way right now. i'm not sad.but i'm not happy too. argh...this feeling sux anyway.there's nth in my life now.bleah. funny how i don even find joy when wif my frenz at times. sigh.
oh k. btw, is this lik true or wat. i accidentally broke sumtin that a fren n i brought together. great...we jus quarelled. sux sux sux.
i hate u world.i don know why.bleah. mayb i'm too bored.
there's this reallyy big bumble bee in the living room right now.staying happily at the pineapple ornament that's hanging frm the lights. why cant it go away??? i opened the windows really wide...
did i mention how much i hate insects?? but i like animals.
wing pinked out @ Wednesday, September 22, 2004, 10:51 p.m.
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fuddy-duddy
daMn!i hate my life right now.
can these 3 months juz pass by right now??!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
wing pinked out @ Sunday, September 5, 2004, 03:05 p.m.
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brownie heaven
another tiresome day in school.but i wonder why?? i mean, i slept at like 10+ yest.seems like the whole world's going bonkers.over what?er...we all have our priorities.
man....what's this bout charmed coming back??!er...not that i don like the show, but bcuz i like it that's y! with exams coming right up, how do i even control myself from not touching that little black gadget that brings me to a whole new world?harhar.
not to mention this really nice korean show i stumped upon one fine sat night, while channel surfing.it's damn nice!muz watch!guranteed satisfaction if u'll into those draggy and romantic, with gd-looking actors shows.
how exciting can it get??? GP prelims is a week away!!!all that bout sign posting,balance,structure lada lada....don even know if it's in my head.sigh.this is freaking me out.
funny how recently, i couldn't sleep at 1am and got up to... think!haha..yes.think. well, not that i don think, but it's kinda wierd to crawl out in the late night and jus sit down at my desk, eyes fix on the poster in front(that is,wilber!!)and.....THINK!about JC life. fufilments?sorrowness?can't really get my hand on that thou.har har.
yes yes. did i mention i baked brownies the day b4?haha.i had a craving for it. gave some to the gals.is it nice huh??not nice muz tell me k. don bluff me...harhar.
for me?i guess I just can’t help feeling uncomfortable that what I really feel is open for the whole world to see. So I end up talking about trivial matters, occasionally letting off steam or appreciating some things.
When I sit in front of the monitor, staring blankly at the screen, attempting to write an entry, events of the day and my thots will come to me.(well, sometimes at least) but then, I hold on to these, and instead, ‘turn’ to the other side of my mind and talk bout stuff that really isin’t that big an issue.
I want to write an entry about things that I care and bother with.
Looking around me now, everyone around me are like falling apart, yes, including me.if not, I wouldn’t be here 8 in the morning typing in front of the computer while everyone’s in school. Feel like there’s a coconut husk stuck inside my throat kind of feeling now yea. I always thought that some of the ppl I knew were who they present themselves to be, but I thought wrong. They present themselves as a happy-go-lucky person, and you will feel that they’ll really stress-free and everything. But I guess everyone hides themselves. I know I do that too. Too often now. But why? On one hand, you don want to bring your emotions to sch, and make ya frenz suffer for it, pondering all day long “what the hell is wrong?” but on the other hand, isin’t it good to have someone to confide to and share your burden? I’m sure if those people were really ur true frenz, they wouldn’t mind “suffering” with you.
ALevels is killing everybody. Ppl around me think that they sux and everything. However, as an outsider, I feel that some of my frenz are really good. Not because they are my good frenz and everything, but judging by their character and attitude, I know eventually, good results are a sure thing. However, ppl choose not to believe in themselves. I’m someone like this. I think I sux at my academic because I judge myself according to what I do and the results that I reap. They don’t tally. What can I say-I’m stupid.
Being in a top 5 school sometimes doesn’t really help. Smart-ass ppl are around you all the time. You get really bad grades for your exam, and everyone’s telling you that that’s because your sch standard is high.( that’s how they dismiss it! That’s why they think I’m doing badly! it kills me) right…and the teacher consistently reminds you that this paper was much easier than the other one.ladada. maybe I wasn’t from a top school in secondary, that’s why I’m thinking like this. But what can I say, I’ve live through 1 and a half years, consistently not very happy thou. A few more months and it’ll be over
I was shocked when one of my frenz told me this, “ I think you’ll handling well. It’s good to see u being optimistic.” Did I really cover myself that well? Perhaps. I don know. Maybe I didn’t voice out my sorrows then. But I feel that I am not allowed to do so. Like isin’t everyone arnd me doing Alevels too? What reasons do I have to feel so miserable when they have to go thru the same thing too? So, who else do I have left to sob to? My parents? Not that I don’t love them, but sometimes, they just don get what I’m saying or feeling. In the end, I keep all these in the darkest corner of my heart. And let it out only when I’m prompted to in a situation, to whom, I don know. Perhaps myself.
when you come to JC, how many true frenz will u walk away with? I don know. I use to think that I’ve found quite a number of good frenz arnd me. But when times come, will they be there for you? No doubt, not everybody will be there. At times, I found out that I was alone. It’s these times that I realize, even if you were to die, the world will keep spinning and everyone will still continue with their life. I mean that’s like the correct thing to do. But, this is truly a sad fact. How many frenz will exactly know what you really feel just by looking at you and listening to the tone of your voice?
no doubt, I have some really great frenz here in sch. They helped me through some times and we share fond memories. But will all these end once we all graduate into the cold, hard world?
Right. I want to be happy. But I feel GUILTY for being happy. Why? I don know. I’m confused. My head’s spinning just at the thought of it.
yes. My first and perhaps last ‘true’ entry.
wing pinked out @ Wednesday, August 18, 2004, 06:13 p.m.
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Thoughts
Isin’t blogging like the ‘in’ thing to do nowadays? But I reckon that what everyone types in their entry is different. Some talk bout what happened to them thru out the day, some for entertainment purposes and some, their true feelings.
wing pinked out @ Friday, July 30, 2004, 04:11 p.m.
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