Wednesday, October 23, 2002

the point-less-ness of this entry was brought to you by leo. ehehe.

there is nothing for me to post about and thus thoughts turn into frivolous things. what un-made my day was how when watching my cleverly videotaped copy of yesterday's smallville, it occured to me that all the characters on that show = younger than me. however, what made my day was how when watching my cleverly videotaped copy of yesterday's smallville, i realized that lex's computer monitor is the same as mine mine mine mine mine.

it's so very hard to be unique these days, but nobody wants someone that fits into the crowd. the issue of "college-chasing" or whoring-for-admission as I sometimes think of it, is like abortion. you're either YES or NO and very firmly rooted in your beliefs to a point of ridiculous-ness. plus, you aways try to hide your true nature when around people who oppose your stance while feeling the need to justify yourself when met with an onslaught of opinionated arguments. [like this one!].

once-upon-a-time when i was young and stupid, i was a poster-child for this college chasing business. i essentially thought most anything that anybody did was rooted in some selfish purpose but fine, if it's what colleges wanted, then i'd do it and do it often. then came the anti-period when i became anti-school, anti-social, and anti-college chasing. but yaknow, i only deprecated those college-chasers because their accomplishments exceeded my own. ::jealous:: cuz i was just as smart as them, but they just were a little more pushier, a little less ready to stand for their ideals, just ready to whore a little MORE for the "system." ha-ha i was so good, i was righteous and moral and had ethics. They sounded better on paper, but i was really the better candidate for everything because i didn't compromise my integrity for success! go me.

actually... that was also pretty stupid because I was just bitching since I stopped trying so hard and realized that it was putting a damper on my inherently college-chasing oriented goals. crappola indeed.

so that was my thought for the day. we all want approval we all want to be wanted or liked or admired. if you're shaking your head and thinking otherwise, it's probably becuase you know you'll never gain approval. it's true for me at least. i must reject the people working to get into college because i know i cannot compete with their qualifications.

okay now this post is turning into something quite long. i used to get a kick out of using big words and trying to sound knowledgable. that was muchly stupid of me. i still get a kick everytime i make a academic-related joke. that is also stupid of me. then i must dis(s) this tendency of mine as if to say "ooh ooh see see? i'm so smart. i really am!" i think this behavior needs to desist. i've wasted too much time being pretentious, which in itself, is a pretentious statement.

my voice needs to be less loud, my hair needs to be less long, and calculus needs to be less difficult.

I don't know what to say in response to people when they say these things

1) ? that's so easy!
2) ::sigh:: nothing's wrong
3) i have troubles/problems/angst.

I'm a bad talking-seriously-and-intently-with-good-advice person. I react, I don't counter-act. I need better friend-skills.

on another note... cynthia and I would like to know... who hates buffy but adores smallville? If this is you, tell us whyyy. We want to know! ^________^

traciee was actually still awake at 06:10 p.m.



Monday, October 14, 2002

i went to TOB [tournmanet of bands] on saturday and had fun. i tried to use the "zoom" on my camera to find victoria + daphne, who were performing, but that apparently didn't work so well. it's okay. a really good-looking boy sat in front of us with a perfect nose + trendy clothes + nuclear physicist glasses [those trendy JAMES-BOND nuclear physicists that is] + uniquely done hair + clear skin. and he had sideburns. and leslie and vivien and i had obsession. however, couldn't preserve the image since snapping a picture of him with my giant-azz SLR and its flash that can take out entire city blocks might have been SLIIIGHTLY suspicious.

I had satII's on saturday as well but that proved to be slightly less than fun. and when i say slightly i mean the inverse of fun. i hate the math IIC and how i didn't remember the law of cosines. death x 1001 to the inventor of THAT law and how it spaws so many 2C questions.

you know, the new AIM still is kind of disconcerting since other people can see when you type. So, if you delete a whole bunch of stuff they'll know you were planning out your words and you get exposed as a paranoid loser-freak. i dislike this honesty that it promotes.

i think college applications should have a NEW section called the lie detector section. it'll be mandatory and ensue right after your optional interview or whenever you least expect it. the college should just pull up in an anonymous white van as you're walking along someday and hog-tie you into submission to taking a 30 minute lie detector test. it'll obviously test your honesty, maturity, and ability to think on your feet as well as provide entertainment for all those zoned-out admissions personnel i'm sure are prevalent in schools nationwide. i mean thats what we're looking for in successful people right? the ability to function in the real world... not the ability to pontificate their way thru 938734 pieces of application paper...or maybe thats just me.

on the other hand, i really enjoyed watching the transporter even with its slew of plot holes and non-sensical dialogue that made me laugh. jason stathum can transport me aaanytime, in the pure "carpooling to prevent pollution" sort way of course. and of course, shu qi was really pretty, despite the pseudo-dress she had on that looked like an apron. i liked her first pair of shoes.

i think if i were to get into a car accident, i'd prefer the other person to be a celebrity and of course at fault. i'd get a kick out of say ben affleck paying me damages due to his irresponsible driving. plus the incident would justify my potential insulting of said celebrity, in the case of affleck, a comment like "i hated you in shakespeare in love, you ruined the whole movie," a belief i've kept bottled inside of me ever since i saaaw that film. okay actually i'd just prefer not to get into any sort of car accidents.

traciee was actually still awake at 02:51 p.m.



Monday, October 7, 2002

I think one day, after or during some long vacation, I will start making "mood" icons to boost the visual-quality of this place and also convey mood in a frivolous way. hurrah.

Do you notice how there's always this weird trend with what colors tech-stuff seems to be in? Back in the day, everything was in that dismissable beige color. Then, we moved on to that not-white but not-grey color. Then, we moved on the SILVER metallic-y things. Now, I think we're moving back to BLACK. I mean if you look around my room, you'll see this evolution of color. Old CPU which I now use to prop up my air conditioner= beige, printer= not-white but not-grey, monitor=metallic-y silver, and ps2= black.

yes that was absolutely relevant. There's nothing good for me to post about these days. I can tell you the next several months can be summed up in just a few fragmented phrases... / school sucks/ SATs blow/ apps = death/ oh god matt damon is as hot as the combustion of octane/

this reminds me... matty on SNL. that was rather disappointing, although his hair was amazingly attractive. I'm starting to think he's not as witty as affleck. prove me wrong. prove me wrong.

if you haven't noticed, this page isn't html-ed conventionally. That's because tracy is a lazy-ass who felt no need to do as such. this was a muchly bland entry. death to it and the cellular respiration that sucked away my brain for this post to occur....

anyway... saw AtS premiere thanks to cynthia and this pretty much sums up everything...

shiningdream: wait.. ang is now old looking?
shiningdream: ew.
shiningdream: ew x 2
lavendERrhapsody: man i miss season2 david boreanaz
lavendERrhapsody: he was so hot and yummalicious
lavendERrhapsody: with his nice shoulders
lavendERrhapsody: which i have screencaptures of
lavendERrhapsody: not that i'm scary like that
lavendERrhapsody: i just think it's necessary to be scientific
lavendERrhapsody: about such things

yes we're fickle. plus I think any chance of watching the show on an intellectual level disappeared when we were presented with the sex-on-a-stick that was season4 wes (alexis denisof), he who has become increasingly snarky and efficient and commanding and yes, most importantly, morally ambiguous. alexD used to look like this. but oh look the boy even looks good when he fights from last season. yes, now season4 has him looking like this. there needs to be more of the sex(y)-ness that is wes-ness. but, yes, we're fickle and we're shallow and while davidB aged a decade, j. august richards went out and grew himself a goatee. maybe the show will redeem itself later with the death of angelic-cordy, gurlish-connor and the untolerable side of fred's personality (and gunn's facial hair).



traciee was actually still awake at 09:28 p.m.



Saturday, October 5, 2002

homer: oh no... i need to get on HIGHER GROUND
sees a balloon vender
homer: I'll take ALL your balloons
pays for balloons
homer: ...gee I sure hope this works
turns around to face CRANE OPERATOR
homer: I'll give you these balloons if you let me use your crane...
operator: ...I already have balloons but sure, I guess so...

thaat was the highlight of my day.

traciee was actually still awake at 12:05 a.m.



Wednesday, October 2, 2002

[this post was deleted]

traciee was actually still awake at 11:58 p.m.



Monday, September 30, 2002

subject head: anti-sadgurls f0' lyf

I'm not a very sad person. I don't experience extreme cases of tortured pain that would yield imagery-intensive poetry or victimizing fantasies. I mean...I've been stressed, frustrated, and annoyed, but those are all collegeboard induced terms that don't really mean anything. I could be that girl, the one who says things like "...when the soft brown, netted wth crimson veins, drips down a tear, I close my eyelids and taste the pain, masquerading as salt on my lips..." Yeah, I could be that girl, but I'd rather not be. Being her is the e-z way out because angst of any kind is overrated unless used by licensed professionals of fandom.

One of my favorite books is bridget jones' diary and it makes my list because it is so frivolous. Why does everything have to be meaningful or multi-layered? I think I read somewhere that fluffy reading like ms. jones was leading to the deterioration of western society. I rather think epitomizing the "sad" folk, who must parallel mundane things like flushing the toilet into some ten page ode to why existence will eventually get wiped out due to the inherently shitty nature of human beings, will lead to the deterioration of western society.

Nowadays, it's like some game we have to play. Who's life sucks the most, or something similar to those terms. And we publicize it, decorate it, until it's some pretentious mass of html broadcasted for the world to see. But you know, you don't win prizes for being angsty or fucked over, although it will increase your chances of dying early or contracting atherosclerosis due to all those fatty comfort foods you must eat to cure your angst... Alright, I suppose you DO win a prize: DEATH. Yeah, if it seems a prize worth wanting.

I suppose I'm generally just tired of self-deprecating people whose self-insults and self-pity are directly proportional to how much they exercise both processes. Your life does not suck like suhasini's mom in bed, and if it truly does... you've got friends to help. They're rather uplifting people... those friends of yours... unless you congregate with a group of sad-people and have regular sad-meetings where you critique each other's probably-sad writings with comments like... "gee, I think that needs to be ... MORE SAD..."

so yeaa... that was my let's-bitch entry for the month. and now, off to reading hamlet, which as you know, is a whole new bag of chips...

traciee was actually still awake at 06:06 p.m.



Sunday, September 29, 2002

weeell the alias premiere kind of made me want to update. i am a senior in highschool and nothing is occuring right now that doesn't have to do with being effed over hw/ college apps/ SAT's. or in my case, denial that such things exist. however, for something completely different, it is plausible that we will be getting webspace soon since some of us are too lazy to type "pitas" everytime. and when i say some of us, i really mean me.

fandom is killing me with it's sudden availability... and the matty-hosted version of SNL needs to start airing right now. that is all.

traciee was actually still awake at 10:30 p.m.



Sunday, September 22, 2002

i saw the four feathers today with cynthia and I just have to say that heath ledger was one fine, fine boy in that movie. although there needed to be less slow-motion drunken running through the dunes of sand, less facial hair, and less convenient coincidences.

on the other hand, I haven't really been home all weekend and tomorrow/today will be no different. that is to blame for the present bland-ness that is this entry. i'm... so... sleeeepy... ok time to "rest my eyes"

traciee was actually still awake at 01:13 a.m.



Monday, September 16, 2002

my father has jury duty tomorrow and plans to feign stupidity to escape it. on the other hand, after i pulled into a parking space today in the student lot, i got out of the car to realize that i was a good five feet away from the white line. so I stood there contemplating... should i get back inside and look stupid and nudge forward a little or should i just leave it as is with it's ass sticking out about five feet. i think THAT was the high point of my day.

in second period, we had a substitute who tried to be a real teacher. now, i have nothing against substitutes, but this one tried to "teach" us things about a subject he obviously was not very much familiar with. also, his hands were pulled up too high.

once again, ap-english proved true to its pretentious guise and we had a lovely class discussion of just basically 15 people repeating three main points over and over and over again. man, soon i'm going to have to start keeping a tally of which retards do the repetative thing the most... mrs clark needs to start being blunt... hopefully using this phrase to deter any future repetative action ---> "are you fucking retarded? someone just said that. get smarter, stupid..." fine... so she probably won't say that, but a girl can sure dream...

hey guys... you know what we ALL forgot about? the common app. fine, maybe i was the only who forgot about that.

tomorrow is the only day of the week where i won't have a large unit-test. it is also the day i'll be using my express fast-cash to make up for further suckage of week.

traciee was actually still awake at 09:53 p.m.



Saturday, September 14, 2002

hmm, i think my productivity has reached a life-time low. these past few weeks of school have really evolved into a pattern of the ridiculously stupid. alright, everyday, i get home at around three twenty. then i proceed to waste time by opening my computer which has auto-login AIM and then i start surfing net or chatting or whatever. interspliced between this comes drinking breaks and eating breaks and wtv. at around TWO [in the morning] when most people on my BL have left, i decide it's time to isolate myself in order to FORCE work to happen. so i go offline and turn off my computer and work frantically for two hours, thereby sleeping at around four. then i wake up the next day at 7:30 for the cycle to repeat itself.

the ridiculous thing is that i was actualy A-OK with this whole cycle of death thing. but then it actually periodically degenerated into a whole NEW level of suckage. i mean on thursday night, in the middle of my two hours of frantic working... i had this sudden mental thought: "hey... i remember one time of seeing this picture of ben affleck where he wasn't wearing a shirt and looked hot... lets find that now just for kicks."

the stupid thing is... that i don't even LIKE affleck. i constantly say derogatory things about his acting and his appearance and make jokes about how matty wrote good-will-hunting while affleck was just there to provide drink service.

yeah and my sifting thru of random affleck fanpages only validated my dislike for his appearance. "wow... he isn't goodlooking at ALL...where is thaat picture." finally after an HOUR, i found it, only to realize that it was now five in the morning and there were birds outside. out of ph33r, i threw myself into bed and forgoed any chance of actually doing any calc-hw.

so yes, i think my level of pathetic-ness sufficiently beats out leo's lame-azz attempt at sounding life-less.

traciee was actually still awake at 11:24 p.m.



Saturday, September 14, 2002

if you are viewing this with internet explorer 5.0 or netscape, i'm sorry to say that it will look muchly effed up.

i think the fiske guide to colleges needs to start being a little meaner. it's always got something good to say about everyplace. i need it to start saying things like "___ sucks. that is all."

yesterday, i saw the importance of being earnest. i have to say that it was very very clever and very very witty. apart from the ridiculously goodlooking men in layers of seventeenth century formal wear who fought over muffins, it had very good dialogue. go watch go watch if only because rupert everett was made to wear waistcoats.

was it wrong of me to watch hbo only because matty is doing promo spots for project greenlight. yeah, two hours of NOTHING validated by thirty seconds of brunette matty in blue shirt...as well as scruffy beard-o affleck.

so i had to pick up father from the airport today at seven thirty because mother... ironically... had traffic school. and i have got to say that the international terminal of SFO is like cupertino village sans the stores. thinking i'd gotten there early enough to get a spot near the front of the arrivals lobby, i was pushed out of the way by hoardes of japanese businessmen and AzN rice boys dragged to meet relatives by perm-haired asian mothers. pleasant-indeed.

i haven't checked email in so long, perhaps i should in case my account breaks or something.

traciee was actually still awake at 06:30 p.m.



Tuesday, September 10, 2002

okay so i acted pretty bitchy/whiny today. the reason falls somewhere between the fact that i chose a muchly unattractive outfit and my seventh period bioAP class. thats rather shallow but also rather true.

actually it was probably english. i think we all understand you will only succeed in that class if you manage to curry clark's favor. i just know that class will make me HATE english, even though i plan to major in english. i can't curry clark's favor, i can't volunteer all the time to rephrase previously stated points under the guise of "crystallizing" in speech + debate + congress manner. and i keep thinking about how certain people should really just meet an unfortunate end involving a cliff and a sharp spike of some sort.

or i will make eye contact with lily and we'll share one of our holier-than-thou looks that i know you all hate. i don't know, it's not like i'm "sad" or some stupidass shit like that, it's more like there's something missing. like i've lost that whole drive and ability to get thru another day of school and excel. when do we get to stop trying cuz trying sure sucks.

hmm, that wasn't very college-essay-like was it. i like how applying for college is like whoring yourself on paper.

it's been this weird culmination of different stupid little things that's finally making me start to lose calm. i actually DID act pretty whiny and stupid and bitchy today and it's because of those things and you know what, i'm just going to start TALKING about them now.

like this girl who i've known for so long. we'll just pretend she has no name [it starts with a J and she's muchly gay]. i've actually attempted to be civil to her but lately, i get the feeling that she really really dislikes me. and yeah, i know i can go around and pretend i don't care and keep shooting her death-looks but i really want to know why.

i take biology seventh period and i have no friends in that class. it's just me, and the junior next to me who couldn't sit by his buddy cuz some random guy took his seat. derrick su is his name and hating on mike jin is his game. i was subjugated to ten minutes of "why mike jin sucks" today in bio as derrick felt his logic of "yeah i know he's good at violin... but he still sucks" deserved ten minutes of explanatory evidence and colorful inserts of mandarin slang.

you can tell i enjoy that class muchly. i'm glad for lily and cynthia because they actually put up with my BS today even though i had pathetic-face on all day. and my best friend is leaving for college soon, three hundred miles + three in-and-out burgers away. that makes me sad. speaking of college, i need to get into one...

traciee was actually still awake at 07:08 p.m.



Sunday, September 8, 2002

i USED to update nearly everyday but lately, it seems i have become increasingly lay-zee. anyhow, as annie has just reminded me, i was ridiculously loud at her graduation. see, the homestead principal had specifically given this whole formal plea for no loud cheering when they announced names of graduates. and all was going well until they announced "annie tao" cuz thats when i decided to yell really loud, thereby starting a wave of loud cheering much to chargrin of faculty.

is it wrong that i don't trust my mother's home-grown grapes? "thats not FDA approved" says tracy's mind.

i like how i was kind of incoherent and sleeepy and stayed up muchly late on friday night and woke up the next morning to discover that i had acquired a ridiculously large amount of mandy moore and jared leto pictures. no, thats not weird. on the other hand, aren't they cute? okay fine, so only jenny garner is cute. okay fine, so it's cuz i like her shirt. fine, only cuz lily has that shirt and i liiike lily, as she is my sandwich buddy. and then only cuz there was that whole buy-one-get-one-free deal at SUBWAY today. FINE, cuz it saved me .50. and thaat is definitely something worth celebrating.

traciee was actually still awake at 03:16 p.m.



Wednesday, September 4, 2002

was it wrong of me to steal a copy of this chinese newspaper from the people whose house i went to for some dinner party on saturday only for the ridiculously large colored picture of jaychou?

the picture had very high quality printing... really... it did...

there was painful dental surgery today so there will be no excessive talking.

traciee was actually still awake at 01:04 a.m.



Tuesday, September 3, 2002

i'm going to pimp cynthia because she has a new blog version and its pink and it's attractive and i like the feathers.

today was a delicious day becuz i spent it with gf LILY. we went to scb to avoid tino-village but i like how in manner of steel bear trap that ensnares paw in painful way, we neded up back at tino-village anyway. i also like how i was forced to drive the SUV since mother spirited away my honda due to its ability to withstand cheap gas. it was like driving a HILL. and since we followed jimmy's celica, it was like we were chasing down a small forest creature for DINNER.

qcup = yum. i also liked how again we lived in the past. oh well, that is to be expected. i'm sorry if you're using netscape because the filter used in the links isn't exactly netscape-friendly. come on, join the cult, download IE6.

i'm not looking forward to tomorrow as it is the day of dentist appointment and cavity-filling which guarantees several hours of pain and regrets of not-brushing. teeth should be replaceable in manner of HAIR or SKIN a/f sunburns.

traciee was actually still awake at 12:21 a.m.



Monday, September 2, 2002

okay here is version three... with girl from furniture company. yeah its not THAT weird that i used an ad. and she's not even attractive either. oh well. its okay. i guess there will be more posting since i LIKE this version enuff to keep looking at it. but the link effects still annoy me.

traciee was actually still awake at 04:27 p.m.