Time to harbor hatred towards life as we know it!

There is no escape, this is what really matters.

 
Visual Pita. Sunday, December 14, 2003 11:07 p.m.

I woke up this morning. I regretted ever saying 'yes' to 9 o' clock mass.

I was up fairly late painting. I retouched up the very last one (i nicknamed him M. Sex-Fantastique because of the way he is posed in the photograph). I'm more or less satisfied with how they turned out. I've sold them and I no longer have them in my possession. I'm a little sad. Only reason being, I took such bad pictures of them. The glare from my makeshift studio lights is horrible.

I also have this to look forward to for the next few months. I'm leaving that office hell. I'd rather work in the mall. This is ridiculous. My blood pressure and anxiety raises every time I enter that confounded mirror building.

As an added bonus I thought I'd throw in some pictures from the 'ol homestead, well mainly my room and the studio. Oh and my dog (one of two). My room much like any of my workspaces always remains a massive clutter zone. Point of interest, see if you can spot my ipod and even more points to the person who can find the Parsons catalogue in these pictures (hint: it's from 2002).

time to take my eyeballs out Sunday, December 14, 2003 01:43 a.m.

5 portraits done today. count them up: one, two, three, four, and five.
well three of them were started and completed today and the other two were partially completed the previous week.
It's a good thing I stopped when I did. I stopped recognizing colors and I started forgetting how to mix the right pigments for skin colors. At one point I had to put my face about a foot away from my pallette in order to discern the colors I was going to use.
But i'm done. I'll drop them off tomorrow. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Maybe it's the odorless solvent i'm using... Saturday, December 13, 2003 05:04 p.m.

OH BABY ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS....
IS....
YOU!!!

Pointed Saturday, December 13, 2003 12:22 p.m.

I enjoy strong features. Physical and Mental. I like contrast and I like things that are definite. I don't know why. I think that's just the way I am. Which would also explain why I don't like to bleach my hair or make it some inferior color (my naturally very dark hair is the best, in my opinion).
Someday I think, for my family's sake and my own, I'd like to write a book describing our character traits and derivation of them. Nothing published, well privately published perhaps. I know almost exactly where we (my sisters and i ) get our personalities and quirks. It's such an intricate blend. It's probably impossible to verbally articulate it in it's fullest. Really fascinating. Not just my family but just how this whole personality molding works.
I've always thought this and always will. The only way to describe my family, to say the least, is to call it Shakespearean.

Smelling Dead Flowers. Saturday, December 13, 2003 10:57 a.m.

Last night I got a seemingly panicked and seemingly last minute request to do another portrait for a different artist! Ah! Why did I tell them that I could do it?!
BECAUSE I AM A FOOL.
So on top of finishing off the other 4. I now have this red herron of a painting to do on top of it. Which is fine except... i have to finish them all for TO-MORROW.
It looks like today will be a-stay-in-pyjamas-and-sit-in-the-studio-all-day-listening-to-the-ipod-kind-of-day.
hee hee. at least I now can charge the same prices that I got for the other 4. ho ho ho. merry christmas!

Apathy KILLS. Saturday, December 13, 2003 12:14 a.m.

I shall be counting down the days until the 20th. I can't wait to have all of my friends (or at least the ones that matter) under one roof. I have party favors too! aaah! i even have these cool star bags to put them in. PARTY FUN A LA NINETEEN EIGHTY SIX MOTHAFUCKAH!
I'm also excited to wear that black blazer I bought from the Hadassah Bazaar. I'll be the coolest hostess with the mostest. I will make sure to not get pissed drunk at my own shindig. Although I do think we'll have drinking games. Oh Suburban antics!
Nothing caustic to say about work today. I managed to do the quota. My boss left early because it was a Friday after all.
Upon walking onto the platform leading to the train home, i inhaled a massive gust of marijuana fumes. These kids were smoking it up like it was legalized here or something. I sorta laughed and walked over to the side and leaned cooly against the glass.
I looked down and started to admire my worn out 9 yr old jeans (which i recently cut and let fray) and the scuffed up white velcro sneakers underneath.
Then some guy ran up the stairs, and tossed down some bag which appeared to contain beer bottles. The wind blew again and I could smell that he was soaked in alcohol. The man then started ranting to the kids smoking pot, something about when things were 'legal'. I laughed again.
Now I'm going to relax a bit. Maybe eat some leftover fish from dinner today. I remember thinking it smelled pretty good when I came in the house after work.
I also think I'd like to be in a band. Like something that would be as extreme as melt-banana but then also to the other extreme.

implosion. Friday, December 12, 2003 12:00 a.m.

I got a nice little lecture from Fred today.
With the most partronizing expression, voice and clutching my tracking sheet from yesterday:
"now, you only did ten cases yesterday..."
(what a dink. i knew he'd forget that i mentioned this to him. you see i actually did thirty cases in total yesterday, but twenty cases were cases that i had to get verified from the day before. We don't have authorization to fully process things without getting it proofread by a senior analyst. Plus i had corrections to make to some cases i messed up.)
"oh right, but that's because i did two other batches on top of that, and corrections to some other cases from the other day also... so technically i did three batches."
And in case you're wondering, I did 20 cases today. That should get that oaf off of my back for tomorrow.
Super dink. I scribbled a doodle of him in my sketchbook with the penis hair. He actually doesn't have a penis shaped hairdo. His hair is pretty short, gelled slicked and flipped up. Think classic dickhead hairstyle. I also noticed some little heated interaction he had with the other supervisor who manages the morning shift (Bob-this guy's pretty nice. and actually comes to my desk to talk about things.). Fred didn't get 'it' I could see his mind chugging, like swallowing a turkey whole.
The song that would describe Fred, would have to be Blur's Charmless Man. Fred's the type of guy who probably tries pretty hard, but lacks any kind of social grace and or wit.
I also remembered that there's an internship the government has for graphic design, for postgrads or something. I think it goes on for six months. I think i remember reading that it would be in Ottawa. The pay isn't super stellar, but it's more or less the same that I'm getting right now. It's an option. I just want to get the hell out of this area for a while.

Scent Rape Thursday, December 11, 2003 02:34 a.m.

I forgot to mention. Aside from how much i hate my job. I'm also getting sick of working in Mississauga. Everywhere I go, I always run into one area that smells.. no reeks of an Indian Kitchen. I'm getting very turned off to the scent of anything Indian now. Which is unfortunate because I used to love Indian food.

LIQUID HATRED Wednesday, December 10, 2003 11:56 p.m.

"Are you mouthing off to me...? That's it, you know what? You're FI-.."
"HAH! You can't fire me, and if you can figure out the rest of this cliche then you're not half as stupid as you look."
"huh?..."
"yah i thought so. later chinpubes."
Today I wanted to explode. I think I felt my blood pressure flying high during the last three hours of my shift. I hate quotas. My boss is a bloated asshole. The kind of dynamic we share is similar to that of a highschool football captain and Oscar Wilde. Except, in this situation, I am absolutely positive that I am not attracted to this meathead. (yah good 'ol misunderstood Oscar Wilde was gay).
Last week on one of my many bathroom trips (i drink a lot of water at my desk), I encountered Fred fixing his hair. Evidently his carefully gelled part was starting to separate, thus revealing the gigantic penis protruding from the top of his head. The man is probably around 6'2 and from what I remember hearing he's 28-and most likely weighs close to 250lbs, if not more. Every time he says 'hello' it's so forced and obligatory. I'd rather him cut the crap and just be an asshole instead of pretending to be a 'nice guy'. He walks around like some kind of fat prowling bulldog with this scowl that seems to befit a bouncer for a club.
On the plus side of today, I'm keeping in contact with a few friends that I've kept at a distance due to lack of time and work constraints. The only perk of working in this department is that we have email-but no outside internet access.
I'm not sure if it's because of my recently implemented rigorous fitness schedule or because I'm sitting at a desk, but my shoulders are very tense.
On my angry ride home on the train, I envisioned wearing a burning red suit made of something like leather, but breatheable, and in my hand i'd be holding a bow with an arrow in the other. I'd be my own fury. And with these tools I'd extract my vengeance on targets. AAAH! I'M SO MAD. I HATE THIS JOB.
And to make matters worse, I hate Kirsten Dunst. Please don't ask why. Personal reasons.
Lastly so much for anti-hatred. I told my friend that this must be what trying to quit smoking is like. After the first few rounds, turning back is seemingly impossible.

Ordinary Sunday Sunday, December 7, 2003 04:16 p.m.

I bought a bunch of edible supplies for my fast approaching party. I also talked to my dad about the kinds of alcohol that serves as the basis for mixing good drinks. I need: rum, vodka and gin. I'm pretty sure we have a lot of gin here, i'm unsure about the other two. I'll go do an inventory check and then we'll hit the liquor store this weekend. I'll also be serving this really 'classy' drink my dad learned from a British friend of his. (I'll disclose the recipe after I actually try it).
Also my dad told me about the importance of serving hot and cold food at parties. It seems I'm serving too many cold things and not enough hot (like pigs in a blanket-sick).
I also watched Donnie Darko this weekend. It was so depressing. Ugh. Granted I thought it was pretty good. I love movies with substantial characters. However the heavy themes of loneliness and death hit me hard. It just reminded me of my current situation for the twenty second consecutive year. (granted of course, the first fifteen to eighteen are excusable).
I'm still working on those four commissioned paintings. It's taking longer than I thought. I take for granted that those tiny portraits are exhausting because it's so much work to push around the paint on a small surface. I'm working in steps, I paint the faces (70% of the face) up to completion, move onto the next one until i'm done all the faces. Then i'll go back, re-paint the next layer, of things like other subtle skin values, highlights and fix minor details. Stuff that I can't add when the paint is wet.
I also need to switch jobs. Don't ask me how or what job. But I just want to switch.

first and foremost Friday, December 5, 2003 12:17 a.m.

How silly of me to be proud that I never buy my dinners at work-and thereby saving cash.
because BUYING clothes and random things at the mall is equally detrimental if not worse.
This week I've purchased:
-3 dvds (all on sale; Magnolia, Legend and Donnie Darko)
-my preferred drawing tool of choice. Waterproof and lightfast black ink pens.
-a SUEDED dress shirt from WAL-MART. (it feels like suede on the outside. but it looks like a regular blue and white striped dress shirt).
On that note, I know I'll probably sound like one of those idiotic people from the WAL-MART commercials, but that store has some really hidden gems. Like the stuff that probably won't be seen as intentionally 'cool'. The kinda things that go right over the average person's head-in terms of style. I saw this really sweet tracksuit which i refused to buy. The clothes are so cheap because everyone is such a snob and prefers to shop at American Eagle, Old Navy, and theGap. And when I say cheap, the most I saw things going for was probably about .
Don't get me wrong, I still like name brand things. I'm not going to trash my Levis and Club Monaco. It's finding things that excites me.
Though seriously, stop spending so much! ugh.
I brought my sketchbook and two of the recently purchased pens with me to work today. Drawing felt really nice. Especially with the fast flowing ink. I drew things like my shoe to the seats in the train. I also started drawing one or two articles of clothing from someone arbitrary I'd see along the way and try and work with it. Pretty fun and stress relieving. I never realized that last part. Oh how i've missed you.
I'm also working on developing a new style of 'sass' in drawing faces.

say cheese! Thursday, December 4, 2003 12:14 a.m.

I slept in this morning. I got to work on time. Early like every day. Handling interest relief applications more or less is getting easier.
One of my co-workers today gave me a letter, to which she made sure to tell me "don't take offense to it".
I knew what she was going to say before even reading it. That I was being too much of a chatty cathy and disrupting her from doing work. By the time I started to unfold the notepaper package I noticed she scrambled away as to not see my reaction. My hands were shaking a bit while reading or I should say, skimming the letter. She basically started to chew me out and attacked me at a personal level. Suddenly I got promoted from being a chatterbox to 'too judgemental' and the usual trail of harsh and sometimes true badges of honor.
The scrawl jumped all over the place and I could tell she was trying to be nice at certain parts by throwing in words she meant to say in an afterthought-as indicated by an ^ sign accompanied with the adjective. The choppiness and the overall haphazard feeling of it wasn't the point though. In retrospect that rough quality of it all probably indicated that she was just getting it all out. So it must've been bothering her. She made sure to tell me in the beginning that she only writes these things to people she 'cares' about.
feh. It's probably not fair to her that she keeps on making mistakes on her work and my work doesn't get nearly half as many errors-probably my fault for the most part. Although I didn't talk to her today and she still had problems.
I understand where she's coming from. All the same, I still took offense to this. It probably would not have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that she said things like "you have no choice" and "you can't" and a lot of things saying I am restricted because she says so.
Work today was silent, I'm going to start bringing my battery charger for my ipod to work. So i don't have to worry about my ipod dying (it almost went dead today).
I was tempted to burn this note or leave it on the train tracks the next time I go home. The thought of cutting up her letter and pasting passages of it into a reply essay style came to mind but was quickly extinguished. Now that would be overkill and pointless. No. this individual is no longer worth my air or brainspace.
tonight, I have to work on those commission paintings. I primed them last weekend and I laid out the general colors last night. (light green, blue green, dull rose and light rose).

!!! Tuesday, December 2, 2003 11:17 a.m.

they're here!!!
I got a pair of fish scale earrings and a nice letter/illustration (of a fish i think) from Maureen. ah! I'm on my way out for work right now but these things are really pretty. I'll take a picture of them later. but for now i'll describe them- they're dangly uh... 3-4cm in length, they're a dull to bright orange color and they're all hung on a little chain. pretty stuff.
And now that I have her address I can reply! haha! although i guess I should have just asked before!
I also may have to grow my hair a little bit longer. which isn't a problem. haha. I'll wear these to work.
Thanks again goo! ;)

just so you know... Monday, December 1, 2003 12:52 a.m.

Knitting is amazing.

Tee-Oh why-two-k-three pt.2 Sunday, November 30, 2003 12:27 a.m.

I probably should also mention that Sandra gave me a bunch of free brushes that were hardly used. I had made a comment that I needed to buy new painting tools just as a sideline remark, and she brought out two jars filled with brushes that she no longer used.
After more talking we left. For Dawn's apartment further downtown. To our disappointment for some reason the city of Toronto had decided to close down multiple main roads. Thus making the traffic even more congested, if that is even possible. The analogy that came to mind was that of a few main arteries being clogged up and therefore resulting in more pressure on the smaller passageways.
We arrived. The frosted air kept on finding it's way up my back through the crack between my jacket and my opening left behind by my untucked undershirt.
After we dropped off some junk and and waited another fifteen minutes for my sister and her friend to get ready, we finally went back into the car. My other sister at this point was so irritated at the whole situation, traffic included and other things, she wanted to just head back home. I don't blame her either. Having to bear the task of chauffeur in a city like Toronto or perhaps New York city, is not an easy one.
We ended up parking in some lot. And the walking began.
I don't actually think my sister, Dawn, actually wanted us to go downtown for the pretenses of what she had claimed. That being, to have her maid of honor and her best friend try on bridesmaid's dresses while I watched and offered my input. It was really just for shopping and walking around. Which doesn't really need any excuse at all, but I think I was the first person to realize this, Tiffany eventually figured this out a little bit later.
We went out for Korean food and then hit some stores.
While walking down Queen St. I mentioned to Tiff, that one of my favorite stores Bedo is located on the left. While passing an HMV (for those of you familiar with Queen St. you'll know where I am) we continued to walk, further passing some other boutiques and what not.
Cold and short blasts of wind in the face and the warm sunlight provided odd sensations. The wind is always comforting, my only regret was that I forgot my lip balm.
Anyway, we were soon approacing Bedo when suddenly... I noticed an incredibly long and thin pair of legs in jeans walking opposite to our direction...
Joshua Jackson was walking down the street and was staring at the shagged out Asian with the black bob and wool scarf standing beside his snowboarding sister with the gusty hair. I think I was too cold to really actually notice anything at first, but when I realized it was him (approximately 3 milliseconds) I assumed the right it's him, whatever attitude. Which was perfect because he was looking particularly smug or content probably because he was getting recognized everywhere. Or perhaps his friend, a much shorter female was beside him saying something. I dunno. All I knew was that Pacey was in Toronto and I saw him looking at us with his "oh Pacey" face. or is that "oh joey"? I dunno, I stopped watching The Creek after the first season.
Yes, we were all star-struck. Mainly myself and my other sister Tiffany. I don't think my sister and her friend (who were behind us) noticed. It was funny because after they passed us, my sister hit my arm and I looked at her and started laughing and saying "I KNOW!!". After that we went over the list of celebrities and not-really-celebrities(e.g. MuchMusic VJs) we had seen.
On the final Josh Jackson note, he's surprisingly really tall. Actually Tiff and I realized that everone on "the creek" must be incredibly tall. The guy was probably about 6'2. easily. And everyone else on the show (from what I remember) were all around the same height. Another reason why that show was so damned unrealistic.
Upon entering Bedo who did I run into but that aforementioned gay guy (the one who is fashion forward), from work. Which is funny because I saw him before at another Bedo store, in Mississauga. So I approached him and said
"Hey you!"
"Hi Gorgeous! (sorry I forgot your name...)"
"That's okay, I never told it to you in the first place..."
While my sisters tried on some sweaters, I walked around the store. Occasionally visiting my friend from work and looking for something to buy.
He was trying on some black side zip wool sweater (which I sorta had my eye on but not anymore after he tried it on)
"Am I wearing this fucking thing the right way? i mean look at me..."
"I dunno. I thought you're supposed to be FASHION FORWARD?"
He laughed and unfortunately I got a full whiff of his breath. Cigarettes. I don't care who it is, cigarette breath and coffee breath have to be at the top of the lists for worst odors found coming from an oral cavity. Next to eggs perhaps.
We ended up going to a few more stores and Dawn tried to make it seem like this whole trip had a purpose by taking us to some lame wedding stores that happened to be conveniently located at that particular moment.
I passed out in the car on the ride back home. At the dinner table it turned out Dawn had a plan all along on how she wanted the bridesmaid's dresses. She was just trying to please everyone and being too considerate to the point that it was frustrating and downright irritating. My mom, my sister, myself and her friend told her that it's HER wedding and therefore she should pick the dress. Although my mom said that to much less of a degree and had more of a "you COULD do it that way.. but my way is better" type of undertone. To that I just told her to be quiet.
Oh and I also found out tonight that I have no choice in my role at the wedding... as a bilingual MC.

Toronto Two Thousand and Three. pt1. Saturday, November 29, 2003 06:20 p.m.

I awoke at almost nine thirty. My sister came into my room.
"Hey, we're going to have to leave a little earlier than eleven o'clock, is that okay?"
"Hm? Oh yah, I was going to ask you if we could leave a bit earlier. My teacher is commissioning me to do some portraits for her. She told me that she lives near the Jamieson exit off of the Gardiner expressway.. or something like that. I thought we could go there and pick up the pictures and then go and meet Dawn. I have her phone number so I can call her for directions upon entering Toronto."
"oh! okay cool call her up and get the directions and we'll go soon."
I took a shower, dried off, slipped into a pair of old jeans and put on an undershirt and a charcoal turtleneck. I first called my teacher's home phone number.
no reply.
Then I called her cell. And on the 4th ring.
"hello?"
I suspected that I woke her up.
After recieving the directions we left for the car but first was held back to do some minor chores-taking out the compost. Then going to get gas.
At eleven o' clock or perhaps shortly past the hour, we reached my teacher's apartment. I think it was about 4 rooms. Spacious and white walls with various items scattered on the floor. Very artsy. She showed me the photos of her nephews. A brunette and a platinum blonde.
"how old are they?"
"Five and eight."
She didn't really tell me their names, she just sort of assumed that I knew the one kid's name was Simon and I forgot the other kid's name.
Then we discussed the matter of pricing..
"I dunno, I guess twenty dollars a portrait.."
"What?!" (and here's where I forgot what she said, but it was to the effect of questioning why don't I just give them away if i'm going to ask for that much.)
Being the naif that I am, I thought she meant I was charging too much so I then said I'd go down to ten or fifteen dollars.
She then explained to me her cryptic remark-that I was underselling myself.
I was supposed to talk to my other painting teachers about pricing my work but I hadn't made the time or real effort in emailing them. So my teacher (from this point on will be referred to by her name, Sandra) called up my painting teacher and head of the program. I think he suggested a figure and she thought it was still too low so she discussed a bit more. At that point I went into the hallway and talked to my sister for a bit.
"Tiff! I think she said she'd give me fifty dollars a portrait! yikes! shh!"
I hear the distinct noise of a reciever button being pressed. I shut up and conceal my surprise.
"Okay, fifty a portrait, and I'm going to pay you up front for it right now."
So now I have the honor/task of completing these paintings before she leaves for Paris, France to see her sister and present to her, original paintings by me. She leaves on the 19th of Dec. I plan on getting these puppies done this week so they can dry in time. It'll just be a task getting them to her. I'll figure that out later.

Brim full of Asha. Friday, November 28, 2003 10:56 a.m.

I don't want to go to work today on account that it's raining.
But i suppose before I go to work I could pick up name tags (the variety that say "HELLO MY NAME IS"), for the party.
Fair enough. i'll go...this time.

bleh Friday, November 28, 2003 01:48 a.m.

I do solemnly swear, never to wear flat front light khakis with a black jacket. EVER again.
that's what i was wearing today and all the while I couldn't stop thinking how idiotic i was to try to wear light colored pants.
That blunder aside, I thought I was on the verge of spontaneous combustion today at work. I was overheating madly even after I took off my sweater.
Today's weather much like the rest of this week is terrible. Raining. Although on my way to work at the Go Station I started to laugh when I saw a man wearing black leather pants. He was trying to 'look cool' by smoking and avoiding the whole obvious fact that it was cold and damp outside oh that and it was raining. I didn't feel so dumb with my khaki-faux pas after that.
I've now set my Christmas party date to Dec. 20th. I sent out e-invites care of Evite.com this took a surprisingly long time. And almost half of my list of guests have already sent me an RSVP. I just thought I'd try this out because someone recommended it to me.

WAS THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN!!! Thursday, November 27, 2003 01:13 a.m.

I need to find something to do in the forty minute gap i have before work.
I walk around the mall for about twenty minutes and I always end up buying something.
I came into work today, visited some ex-coworkers. I met some human resources person who is determined to learn how to knit (and get tips from me). She even said that she'd have a knit-off with me. Which should be interesting to see because i told her i'd run her into the ground. (my currrent record is knitting 113 stitches in 3 minutes). Shortly after conversing with her, another associate of hers entered the room. I'm not going to be presumptuous at all by saying this, the guy is gay. He sat in one of the wheeled chairs and wheeled up really quickly and towards me.
Looking at my pants he said
"Niiiice pants!"
"oh... uh thanks."
"They kinda look like a pair I have."
"Really? Uh-oh...is that a good thing?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'OH OH'? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM VERY FASHION FORWARD!!!!"
I couldn't stop laughing all the while he was yelling at me. I was very tempted to ask him why was he wearing a brown leather bomber jacket and an eyebrow ring if he was so fashion forward. But I didn't want to make it personal. I know how sensitive some gay guys can get about their clothing. (see month of May and Robert Lee from my life, for more details). He then went onto asking about the volume remote control clipped to the zipper of my jacket.
I told the other HR worker to bring her knitting tomorrow and I'd help her out.
Working in this new department is okay. It is somewhat easier in that I don't need to call students anymore. But the drawback now is being in a probationary period for an exhausted amount of time (3 months). We have to get our work checked every batch we do (each batch usually contains about 10 clients). So that translates to finishing things really fast to get them checked out (the check takes about half an hour). Each case takes about... 15-20 minutes to complete. Then when all of that is done, at the end of our shift they require us to fill out some dorky tracking sheets of how many times we scratch our asses in the cubicle or something equally idiotic.
My current target of mass destruction is a guttersnipe woman named Varnita or Vanita, whatever. Coincidental that her name is similar to Vernita from KILL BILL!? I think not. She's basically the person who has to look over everyone who's tracked in stuff. This thing tattled on me yesterday because i didn't fill one out. I got a compulsory "it's my job so don't kill me" email from my boss today regarding this 'problem'. He ended the email with a "i hope this isn't a continuing problem". He later talked to me about it and I could tell from looking at his eyes that he was saying "okay don't kill me. i know varnita's a bitch, i'm on your side man! really!"
All the while, I couldn't stop thinking of how Couplandesque this whole experience has been.

GIVE ME HAIR. LONG BEAUTIFUL HAIR. Sunday, November 23, 2003 11:34 p.m.

My sister and I had a scheduled hair appointment at a local ritzy and overpriced salon today. Actually we went under the pretenses of having 'new talent' do our hair (i.e.: considerably cheaper haircuts). I was mildly surprised and at the same time not, at the reaction the stylists had to my current hairstyle. (they were all for it). I noticed that everyone had weird and 'progressive' hairstyles but it seemed right for that workplace. It was comforting being surrounded by bizarre coifs. Almost like being in a quasi 'artsy' atmosphere.
My current do got a bit of a touch up. My bangs can still reach down to my nose. I'm pretty sure nobody will notice. Unfortunately for my sister, she had the luck of having a conservative hairdresser. Her hair didn't get cut as short as she had hoped but it suits her well.
I've never had the whole treatement thing. They put a hot towel on my face while they washed my hair. I think I started to fall asleep. I could feel the muscles on my face contracting and relaxing. Weirdest sensation I've had to date.
And in the midst of the holiday season, I went ahead and bought myself a jacket. oh boy.
I also heard that they're hiring at that salon. So...

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe, Saturday, November 22, 2003 03:45 p.m.

How to get the day off work:
1. Purchase a few buckets of rust paint.
2. Dump the contents down a ventilation area in a conspicuous room (the bathroom is an effective room.)
3. Wait for the fumes to diffuse throughout the building. Nausea will ensue, so be prepared to leave.
4. Follow your employer's directions for leaving the building
5. Wait in a room with your co-workers. Leave when they decide that it is unsuitable to stay in the building.
6. Repeat whenever desired.
On Friday we were evacuated from the building for a few hours. And by noon they set us free.
I've been able to stave off the usual seasonal depression with Christmas songs. Which is bizarre because the holidays are a depressing thing for many people, myself included.
Of course this is also still November. I'm sure things will change once December comes around.

death is upon her face. Monday, November 17, 2003 10:50 p.m.

Training on the floor, well more of it that is. Annoying and tedious is how it can be described. Having someone watching over your shoulder. Even worse, being paired up with a denatured old ghoul named Camille.
An older woman, rigid in her ways, who seems to think that using the tab key will result in instant death or a punishment equally severe. I reciprocated her wickerbasket banter with the slight tapping of the 'death key', hoping it'd channel the hocus pocus towards her. I think I'm going to continue to use shortcuts that will result in her brain hemorrhaging. Some shortcuts which include the already aforementioned tab key, the ever popular CTRL+C/V, possibly the soft reboot and alt+f4.
The yarn bought for legwarmers is now going to be used for a sweater.
There will be an awards night this thursday at my school. I thought I'd be able to attend but unfortunately I think my official shift will start that day. It'd be unwise to leave early on my first day. A thousand curses on EDULINX.

Sunday, November 16, 2003 03:03 a.m.

The other night I had a dream. I dreamt that I had a large black spot on the inner side of my left calf, a growth perhaps? And that it would consume me unless I said something. I remember talking to some woman who told me how to solve my dilemma and I wouldn't believe her. She said that I had to reveal something inside of me (as in my true feelings) in order to save myself.
When I woke up, the first thing I thought to myself was how this would be a neat story for a comic.

UGH Sunday, November 16, 2003 02:19 a.m.

i finished knitting the popcorn hat. it has to be the ugliest thing I have ever put on. Never again.

SEE ME RUN, LICKETY SPLIT! Friday, November 14, 2003 11:33 p.m.

I'm preparing to throw a Christmas party at my house. I've started planning what kind of party favors to give away to what music to play. I'm tempted to make it a 'black and white only' party. But knowing how non-art students are like... it might not go so well and in fact act as a deterrent to my guests.
I've also discovered the wonders of leg warmers. I bought this amazing graded blue and grey colored yarn for the purpose of knitting a pair.

Thursday, November 13, 2003 10:27 p.m.

I LOVE WORK!!!!

...Is what I'd say if I did in fact, love my work.
I think Southern Ontario's fall can be summed up like this: Hot for the first two weeks, perfect for another two weeks, frigid and bitter because winter has started.
The weekend is coming. I'm excited about a few things, including more painting and I get to wear jeans to work tomorrow. Oh and that hat I finally restarted is going to be done in another day.

Today I was one with the masses. Wednesday, November 12, 2003 08:37 p.m.

I wore a leather jacket to work. I wanted to wear something a little shorter for a change. This coat has been worn under ten times. and for good reasons too. I didn't pick it out. Still though, I felt like a 'guy's guy', somehow more average than normal. I guess I have to get used to wearing the thing. It's just so different than what I'm used to wearing. Not my style at all. Which makes it kind of endearing.
This morning I decided to sit on the top level of the car. I sat across from some woman wearing a darkish muddy colored trenchcoat. She glared at me up and down and then resumed peering out the window. I looked back at her afterwards. What's so great about you? Please... I sat down and then noticed that her middle fingers were about a joint and a half long. OH that's your reason for being a bitch, bitchface. I then proceeded to gawk for what seemed to be minutes. completely aware of how rude I was, it was like staring at a car accident. Even more surprising were the amount of rings on the dwarfed digits. I thought they'd slip off with one of flick of her hand. Something I could definitely see her doing.
Work isn't even mentionable these days. I did scribble a fashion sketch for a friend at work. She's a songwriter/singer (and a coworker) and probably the only person whom i'd consider to be an artist or bohemian at Edulinx. She's performing at a show later this month. Unless something turns up, I plan on showing up. For her performance she was telling me how she really wants to wear something 'different' (for lack of a better term). I regularly ask her how her outfit is coming along. She has an idea but isn't sure what exactly it is. I can relate. During the break I scribbled some ideas out and I gave her the sketches. She 'felt' the whole thing. Which is cool, I'm thrilled to hear when people say they'd wear what I designed. Even moreso when I know the person has a discerning taste. it'd be neat if she actually made the costumes I drew. I should be harsher with keeping my things to myself but I just never worry about intellectual property theft.
And I finally went to the sites she told me that she was on here's one of them.

Monday, November 10, 2003 10:08 p.m.

I did two more paintings tonight. One miniature card sized oil painting and another larger but still relatively compact size. I've also decided to lock away my tablet and avoid 'art' forums for the time being. I need more practice but I already feel a lot better than a few days ago.
Although I'm still tired in the mornings. I'm sleeping before 10:30pm. that's it.

Sunday, November 9, 2003 02:39 a.m.

I spent much money today. No mentioning of it anymore.
I painted a self portrait. It took my usual time period. My surface was an old palette. I'm undecided whether I like it or not. I'm leaning towards the latter a bit more than neutral. All the same I'm very out of touch with painting. My color senses are knocked out of order and I need to start sketching again.

Saturday, November 8, 2003 01:24 a.m.

I was dead on about tonight. It was so hot at that art show. Everyone was sweating.
Popular question of the night:
What're you doing now?
and the second most popular
Are you still painting?
It turned out that I went to another opening of a group of artists. One of which was a past teacher of mine as well. It was on the harborfront at the York Quay or something. A real nice spread of things.
I also took full advantage of my dad's digital camera (which is currently on it's last loan day). Tomorrow I'll be going out to buy my very own Canon A70. It's absolutely worth it. I took over 60 pictures tonight. most of them very good also. So many people asked me to send them the photos but I'll do the next step and create a website with all of the excursion photos. I'll probably link to it on my imess site and create another fateback type site. Also at my Christmas party that I'm planning, my good friend Kasia came up with the amazing idea to give away the photo cds as a party favor.
My teacher from the first show (Sandra Rechico) had come down with laryngitis or something. I still managed to have a good conversation with her though. She asked me both aforementioned questions, and also said that she would email me with regards to some commission work. I was also telling her about how difficult it is to actually produce my own artwork now that I'm out of school. I still don't consider myself an artist at all. I probably should, and I'm sure my teachers do, but it seems to be such a sacred title that I don't want to soil it with my association. She offered to meet up once a month and do a critique on my work. A student long graduated from my program apparently does this. A really good opportunity to have real artists critiquing your work (for free i might add). I should take her up on her offer at least once this or next year definitely. She also said to me that I should start painting as soon as I wake up. Now that is discipline.
I also ran into a teacher who commissioned me to do a portrait of her back in May. I was so relieved to have finally given the painting to her. She was pretty happy to see it. Elizabeth told her to frame it. Her husband started to explain to me the origins of the photograph. But the DJ at the second art show was playing the music so loudly, hearing wasn't an option. In fact my ears are still feeling a little sore.
I have been awake since 5:40am today. Time to end the marathon.

shotgun entry for tonight Friday, November 7, 2003 12:29 a.m.

no time for writing. training was easy. 6 more days to go.
talked to friend Kasia. Change of plans. Going to art show opening of a previous teacher. Hot Canadian Artist. Elizabeth McIntosh. Promises to be hot. Fun activity will ensue. Going home early. planning on it.
Oh yah. Have perfect outfit for tomorrow. Brown is key.

prepped out and unsuspecting Wednesday, November 5, 2003 09:20 p.m.

I woke up before my alarm. I got ready. I managed to miss my bus. I caught the next bus. I arrived at the train station. Like a particle of light I blasted across the parking lot, bounded over the stairsteps two at a time and propelled myself into the orfice of the train. Seventeen seconds later, the train doors closed and I felt the lurch of the advancing car. I had that terrible after sprinting feeling of wanting to vomit. It lasted most of the train ride.
Today was my last day. Yessir. No more process resolution agent for me. And it's a good thing too. Last night I had a disturbing nightmare involving some coworkers and even more disturbing, being seduced by my seemingly charming supervisor. In the dream the supervisor was charming. Not in reality.
I start training tomorrow for the cliche of an office job: Interest Relief.
I need to be in bed before 11. I need to do some hemming before I retire tonight.

The Real Special Olympics Wednesday, November 5, 2003 12:43 a.m.

I have to go to bed earlier. I slept in today until 8:10am. I am supposed to leave the house 20 minutes from then.
Oh yah, this week I'm working some nice shift 11am-7pm.
At this point I will award myself the gold medal for looking the most 'put together' in record time. I got up with the intention of showering and instead declined and just washed my face. My hair was practically styled already after just waking up (and not that whole bedhead style thing either. It was naturally curled, pressed and everything.). I threw on a thermal shirt, a white dress shirt, black pants, and an orange long sleeved jersey. Packing my premade lunch exhaustingly made last night by myself, I also threw on my brown trenchcoat. I needed speed so I put on.. GASP... my white velcro pumas. I didn't think anyone would notice at work. Sure enough nobody did.
I made it to the station and to my work with more than enough ample time to wander around. I ended up going to the mall because I heard rumor of .25 cent gigantic bags of candy. I thought I might be able to use that for Christmas stocking stuffers. I couldn't find the fabled discount candy. Instead I walked around. I bought another pair of work pants. I've already calculated that I need to take 5 inches off. They were pretty cheap and I liked them-On the front pockets are another set of pockets that look like button flaps. so neat.
I also finally bought a belt from this little leather store that looks like it gets zero business. It's white leather, and it has dull square metal studs on it. I know it's kinda punk, kinda emo probably (because I liked it) and kinda overdone. I think the thing about my style is that it's unsuspecting. That is to say, if one was to look at me, they would not assume that I'd be the 'type' to wear a studded belt or have stretched earlobes (which I don't anymore).
At work I left out my copy of Generation Xon my desk. My supervisor picked it up and told me that he 'had this book'. And then about an hour later brought me his copy that was a pink version of my copy (blue). I was eating lunch at the time. He handed it to me, I looked at it, chuckled and then gave it back to him. Weird.
I think I'll be really sad when I'm finished reading this book. It's like I'm having a conversation with people who share a similar mindset and outlook on life. I mean only the slightest offense in saying this but, finding kindred spirits at my workplace let alone in my day to day life is such a rarity.
Something somewhat flattering happened on the GO train today. At the risk of being disillusioned, I think I'll keep it to myself.
How is it that I get home so early and still go to bed too late? It's already 1:15am.

My Veal fattening pen. Monday, November 3, 2003 11:51 p.m.

I'm not sure when it happened but I'm really looking the part of an office worker. It frightens me when I see myself wearing a trenchcoat and on my way to work, as it were. Reading Generation X just adds to the whole cosmic sense of it all.
Waking before my alarm hurt. It hurt my eyes. It hurt my head. It hurt my entire body. I noticed later when I stood in the mirrored elevator chambers that dark lines rested beneath my eyes. It was an olympic feat getting to the bus stop this morning. It was a miracle out of the bible that the bus that I thought I had missed was just late. I dozed off on the bus and on the train. If the rest of the day were to be like this, I realized it would lurch. I decided to stop and get coffee from anywhere once I reached the mall.
Just by coincidence the first coffee shop I found was a Starbucks the coffee of yuppies and dinks. I didn't care. I needed a fix that only caffeine could remedy. I'm not a regular coffee drinker therefore I'm not immune. I ordered a grande, coffee of the day, and bold. I added milk and 3 sugars. Still bitter tasting, I consumed it and experienced the immediate energy bursts. It left a sour aftertaste and I had minor cramps from drinking it. I think the milk I used was spoiled (it was skim milk). I once made coffee, with spoiled skim milk unknowingly right before an exam. You see with skim milk that's gone bad, you can't actually tell when it's bad until it's really really bad (i.e. chunks but that takes a long time for that to happen). Good coffee has a clean aftertaste. I became a bit of a connoisseur at coffee during my stay in San Francisco two years ago. I was hoping Starbucks would have either a French roast or a Sumatra. No luck, so I took my chances with the 'freshly brewed coffee of the day'. And it left my mouth sour.
So there I was, 5'9, black pants, white dress shoes, beige trenchcoat, parted hair, shoulder bag and a copy of Generation X in hand and in the other starbucks coffee. What the hell.
I realized that when I do go back to school (some years from now...) I'll have a new found respect for being a student and be adamantly dedicated. Keep in mind by the time I graduate for the second time I'll still be under 30. These older students that i speak of were well over 40. Dare I say, I'll love school. I never understood how those older students could spend so long on everything and do ALL of their work with such dedication. Not that I didn't have any dedication as a student but I was less devoted to some subjects than others. And now that I'm free and tied down to a desk, going back to school and continuing my 'real' life, occupies my every thought.
Speaking of newly found respects, I now appreciate the beauty of perfectly hemmed pants. I finished hemming all of my pants yesterday. Man. These things stop precisely where they should. About 1-1.5 inches from the floor. Even while standing without shoes, they don't touch the floor completely. Today when it was wet with the constant downpour, the cuffs of my pants remained dry and out of the puddles. I'm going to hem any other pants I have from now on with Swiss accuracy.

the menace. Friday, October 31, 2003 11:00 p.m.

Today was unseasonably warm. I made the fatal mistake of wearing a tightly knit dark wool sweater underneath my coat on my way to work today.
But earlier, much earlier before that, I recieved the sweet swan song phone call.
"...this has nothing to do with your performance at Edulinx, they love all the work you've done and recognize that you're a hard worker...but as you know they're downsizing and..."
YES!!!!
"...well today will be your last day..."
YES!!!! YES!!!!
"...and the company was wondering if you'd like to be relocated to another department that's very closely linked with your current one..."
NO! NO! NO!
I pretty much said "yes" to switching. Training starts bright and early on Thursday. I also told the agent on the phone that I was looking for another job at the same time just as a forewarning. I don't think she really heard me she just asked me if I was going to consider it or not. On one hand I'm partially looking forward to it because only a few people got selected, and furthermore it doesn't require calling students and it is more of an administrative job that will lead to a permanent job if I want to stay. Which I may.. for at least a year or two. Who knows. bling bling.
However on the other hand, there's still the ugly issue of working 3pm-11pm, becoming a mindless drone as a result, commuting and spending the monthly 5 fee for train passes on top of the bucks for an integrated train/bus pass. Oh and also apparently I don't get a raise in pay. Okay that is dumb.
The only thing I can't figure out is, why is it that I got picked and not others. Others I might add that had seniority over me by at least a month. Two other more senior people got picked from my shift but that's it.
In the long run it might not be so bad. Easy work, easy pay. I'm still going to drop off my resume at some local photo shop in a grocery store nearby. I figure it'd probably pay like.. 8 bucks an hour. But there would be obvious pros to working so closely to home. I also figured out that the amount I'd make getting paid my current wage and getting paid 7 or 8 dollars a month full time(plus i wouldn't have to pay for train tickets) really isn't that large of a difference. Probably about 0-0. I'll stick this whole thing through.
Work was the usual slack off. My co-worker, Michael, insists on singing while he listens to various gay pop divas such as: Celine Dion and Shania Twain. Which granted is very annoying but even moreso because he's tone deaf, his voice is flamboyantly flowery and matched with his flaccid mannerisms it just grates my nerves.
I told him that I was glad that I got relocated and that I wouldn't have to be subjected to his wails. (Multiple times I asked and told him to stop singing and he'd just keep on going on. and on.) He just kept on being a limp noodle and sung on. I wanted to shove a pen up his large nostrils at that point.
Oh yah. Happy Halloween. I think in tribute to the whole scary thing, I'm going to play Silent Hill 3 and try not to be bitter that I didn't go out instead.

now that it's over... Friday, October 31, 2003 12:04 a.m.

Last night while I was showing my sister the plunder of the Hadassah Bazaar, my mom broke into a weird fit of anger...towards the length of my pants. They were dragging on the floor after I had just taken off my shoes. It's true I do know how to hem pants, but I bought so many work pants in the last few months (okay.. 2 pairs but I have another pair that I never hemmed from 1 or 2 years back). She went on about how it was raining outside and how they'd get ruined and the ever favorite "How can you go to work looking like that?!", she went on to saying how ugly they looked. I continued to absorb the irritation and then told her to stop it already and that I'd hem them tonight.
I was up until 3:30am measuring, cutting and prestitching the 3 pairs. Mind you I started at around 12:30am. It took me a while at first because I couldn't remember the proper way how to hem pants. I had my own method at first but then in August I had to help my cousin hem her pants under my aunt aka sewing/knitting/crochet sensei. There I learned the 'real way' of hemming. There's about.. 3 or 4 steps to proper hemming. First measuring the length you want removed (while wearing a pair of shoes). Second, measure the length of the hem. Third, use the hem length and measure 2 times away from the desired length. Fourth, cut the excess from the 2 lengths. Fifth, fold and pin into place. Sixth, prestitch the folds. Seventh, sew over the hemline and remove the prestitches. Okay so there's about seven steps. All I can say is that it went a lot faster when I did it for my cousin. We had a mini assembly line happening I did the measuring and sewing and my cousins did the rest. I stopped last night after I did all the prestitching.
I think I'm getting too stylish now for work. Especially after yesterday. Things just come together. it's nuts.
but that aside-
On my bus ride into work, the bus i took inhaled a zoo of children. I happened to notice this tallish Chinese girl being pestered by a scrawny white kid who was shorter. I'd say they were about 12 or 13 at most. I couldn't hear what they were saying mainly due to my music being so loud. I started noticing how the girl who was sitting across from the guy kept on kicking his jacket pocket whenever he wasn't looking. I then recognized that she got her other Asian friend to play a trick on him. I couldn't help but giggle a bit because it was so funny. He ran down the bus to ask someone something and she kicked his coat more and it fell on the floor and she kicked it underneath the seat. She was chuckling while she was doing it. I figured he was being annoying because he kept on trying to talk to her and sit beside her. I then took off my right earbud.
"Do you like kyle?"
"leave me alone. i don't know you. i don't know you. i don't know you.."
The white kid kept on pestering her. I think "kyle" was himself from the sounds of it. Either way that was pretty classy. I think she was flattered that he kept on bothering her that way otherwise she could have just very easily sat at another seat. Kids can be fun to watch sometimes. Like watching mini adults.
Work itself wasn't anything mentionable. I know for a fact that it was deader than usual. There were only 5 people when I got there and 9 when the shift was over. I thought for sure we'd be there until 11 tonight because there was so much to do. But we still got off early. CAN CITY!
Oh and on my way home, I saw 3 women/girls that I suspect were prostitutes.
Now that I'm back on track. I have pants to sew.

pt. 5 Thursday, October 30, 2003 11:05 p.m.

Let's see. ah yes, I immediately started sifting through the area. The worst part I think of this entire event was that I had gone through the fuss of making my hair nice looking for work later that day. Foolish idea. Due to my frantic running about, the perspiration flattened and straightened what slight curls I had.
I almost regret leaving behind a yellowish cream colored cable knit turtleneck. I had in mind to replace a sweater that had become worn out with that one. But the things I found later on much outweighed this. I think the part I like best about this kind of shopping is the sifting and the tough decision making.
Asking yourself "do I really like this?" and "Would I really wear this?". It's such a false sense of accomplishment. I started out with a large pile of garments, I think about 6 or 8 things and walked out with 3.
I didn't have enough cash on hand to buy everything. I ran out to the debit machine and when I came back the cashier told me
"Ah! You came back! Good thing too, that guy over there wanted to buy your jacket".
"The black one? Heh, I don't think he'd be able to fit it anyway..."
"No, not that one, the grey one."
At that comment I turned over and recognized the guy. He had been walking around with his friend trying on black blazers. He had light reddish hair, was around my height, probably a bit shorter, wearing glasses, a bit stalky, and i suspected that he liked listening to dave matthews and ben harper and other alternative university student type music. I also thought the jacket would be wasted on him (i know this is harsh but it's true). It was definitely mine and only I could wear it to it's fullest potential. just kidding. well no, not really. I mean it really suits my whole style (i.e. dark hair, dark glasses, dark clothing, and a bright ass red and yellow bag). This guy was wearing light blue jeans a green top and some black jacket. I think he was wearing Cons and his jeans were straight or tapered. I could just see it now, he'd have some Jansport or other type of large fat and cube like backpack sticking off his back while he'd wear this grey diamond of a jacket. HELL NO. No way jose was he getting this coat. I also heard that he just wanted something that would fit...
I completely pivoted my body and faced him
"So, I hear you wanted my jacket.."
At this point the clerk turned over and reiterated my words. Then the guy turned around.
"Yah, I really like it..."
"haha. so do i."
The clerk then said
"I know, he can have it monday, wednesday and friday and you can wear it..."
"yah!!"
"HA HA HA. FAT CHANCE!"
"aw.."
I slammed down the cash I owed, (well sort of but not really), folded the jackets and placed them in the nice green trash bag supplied and slugged it over my shoulder. As I walked ahead of that guy I heard him saying
"It's too bad about that jacket, it was really nice..."
Call me cruel, call me evil, call me sadistic, call me whatever you want, but that was the icing on the proverbial cake, known as the hadassah bazaar.
Other things I bought: thanks to my mom and her providing in my upbringing the knowledge of expensive brand names (ones she used to buy for herself when she was a young and stylish hipster), I found an Aquascutum trenchcoat. Normally these things go for about 0-00+. The one I bought was new, and it was . I should have haggled more. I managed to get bucks off the grey coat, I could have easily gotten that Aquascutum down to or now that I think about it.
I also bought a nice black sports blazer, it's a little fitted but I want to wear it open anyway. It was brand new and it was the most expensive item. by about ten bucks.
All in all, a good shop. Fast, efficient, and very very entertaining. I found my mom as soon as I left the men's department. There was word of a designer men's section, although I don't know if I was in it already or if such a thing existed at all.
Later we went out to one of the best kept secret Chinese restaurants for lunch and then I was dropped off for work after looking at some clothing patterns.

pt.4 Thursday, October 30, 2003 11:01 a.m.

To quote Julius Caesar "Veni, Vidi, Vici"..
The bazaar was a zoo. I arrived at the Ex at around 10:30 with my mom. There was a gigantic lineup. One was for tickets and the other one was for going into the building. I have to admit, I thought I was going to leave this thing empty handed. HORROR! There were people already leaving by the time we arrived.
"It began at 9 and people were leaving with gigantic garbage bags of potentially things that were mine" I thought.
The line wait was only about five minutes. Surprisingly. We got in and this building was about the size of I'd say... two highschool gymnasiums. which is pretty big if you knew the size of my highschool gym.
My mom wanted to go around systematically and look a lot of the junk. I couldn't wait. It took me about 15 minutes to find the right department. I had to ask about 5 or 8 people. Yah I guess I don't do systematic.
It was pretty crazy overall. At one point I think I became so overwhelmed I couldn't focus in front of me. I stopped to put on my glasses in the middle of the craziness. When I finally got to the clothing section, I thought for sure "it's empty. i know it.
Nope. It wasn't.
(to be continued, as i need to get ready for work).

pt.3 Wednesday, October 29, 2003 12:14 a.m.

my throat feels hoarse from yelling so much on my way back home. ugh.
Tomorrow is the big day. I'm planning to optimize my clothing so that I can run around faster and with less excess baggage. (i.e. leave my coat and scarf in the car).
I need to find another job soon. This one is probably drawing near an end, so my sources say.
I'm still reading that aforementioned famed book by Douglas Coupland. I think I'll pass this book on to any of my friends when they enter this state in life.

pt 2. Monday, October 27, 2003 11:00 p.m.

Well I got off work early today. There are rumors going around speaking of getting cut back and people getting 'the cut'. This is me caring.
I have a earth shattering headache at the moment.
That aside, I'm grateful for the inundation of well wished birthday sentiments. It's a good reminder, of what exactly I don't think needs an explanation. I'm still looking forward to wednesday, even if I'm not taking that day off. It's probably just as well. I should expect to be working less hours from this point on. The company is past it's peak period now.
Upon checking my email, I received two letters from friends whom I haven't spoken with in almost a year. What's depressing is that they think I'm in New York. One of them even painted a nice visual mental image of an ideal student life in a swanky artsy flat paired up with a large pile of art related homework. I probably deserved that sharp feeling I felt after reading that description. I skimmed it quickly, I'll set them straight later this evening.
I finished reading a Lum:Urusei Yatsura manga today. I also started reading Generation X, I think reading this book is some weird rite of passage. It's really striking a chord with me currently. My sister was clever in giving this to me. I'll have to thank her later.
This popcorn hat will never be finished.

pt 1. Monday, October 27, 2003 11:47 a.m.

So far... today is light grey and overcast. I didn't finish my popcorn/bobble hat. in fact I took it apart because I found out I knitted the pattern incorrectly. I also decided to start at a smaller size because it's a well known fact that knitted hats stretch and I somehow always manage to knit loosely.
My mom confirmed with me that she will be going with me to the Hadassah Bazaar. I will have to split up with her once we get there. I'm sure she'll understand. If not, tough.
I really really don't feel like going to work.
(to be continued)

Birthday details details. Sunday, October 26, 2003 11:12 p.m.

I celebrated my birthday yesterday (the real birth date is tomorrow). It was a pretty good birthday all in all. Everyone gave me amazing presents. I really feel sorry for people who buy me gifts. Which is probably the reason why I tell most people not to bother buying me stuff because it's really unecessary stress. I always appreciate the thought though. Even better when the gifts turn out to be winners.
Dinner consisted of quails cooked in Herbes de Province, wild rice, salad and some sauteed variety of vegetables. and afterwards a chocolate birthday cake. Yah we at in. This isn't an everyday meal at my household but it's not too far off from what we're used to.
After dinner and dessert, 'candid' pictures ensued. My oldest sister attempted to take candid pictures with my dad's digital camera. I had to coach her on how to take them and I pretended not to notice her taking the picture while I painstakingly unwrapped gifts.
Not at the risk of sounding even more materialistic but rather not wanting to quantify things, I'll say this much about my presents: I'll sleep better, have things to entertain my mind, something to document my life, have a cleaner mouth for another year, something to listen to on my way to work, oh and something nice and easy to wear.
To my relief my mom didn't buy me that orange bag.
"Mom I was really worried that you were going to buy me that orange bag...."
"OH I almost did! But then I thought 'WHY would he want this?!'"
"um... maybe because i really wanted it? it's just as well, I bought this other one you see...." (I exited the room to get my newly purchased shoulder bag to show her-while in my room I heard my sisters discussing to my Mom that usually when you buy gifts for other people it's FOR them.)
Hahahaha oh well, i love my mom anyway. even if she is a little self-centered at times. I'm definitely like that sometimes.
I think I know my family pretty well. My mom is the type of person who'd rather buy a gift she likes rather than thinking what the person would like. Sure enough, my senses were all pointing to the right answer. Good thing too.
I'm still working on that popcorn hat. I want to finish it tonight damnit. That requires me not using the computer for the rest of the evening. I think I might need more of the blue yarn though. THAT WON'T HAPPEN THOUGH. I WON'T LET IT.
Lastly, it seems that my neighborhood has a nest of skunks. While walking the dogs tonight I encountered a baby skunk. I was only about two meters away from it and as soon as i realized that this weird looking squirrel had it's tail up in defense mode, I ran across the street. My sister told me she encountered that same one the other night. We both confirmed the same location. We suspect there's a burrow in that area.

things on my list for the bazaar Sunday, October 26, 2003 03:25 a.m.

On wednesday i'm going to hunt down a tweed jacket/blazers and perhaps a pair of earrings. I'll also push people out of the way for anything louis vuitton, chanel or anything else that's by some huge designer. hahaha. Especially if it's . I don't even care if it's for those designers either! and regardless of the gender of the clothing i think it'll be fun just hunting it all down. and bargaining?! oh man...
I think it's the idea of acting like a nut that's really exciting me. like yelling at people to (and i quote Ludacris) "MOVE BITCH GET OUTTA THE WAY!" giving the hand, shoving, and total attitude is what it's all about. I mean i'm not like this every day so once a year fully blown out of proportion is absolutely going to be fun.

the ONLY reason to stay awake almost 24 hours. Saturday, October 25, 2003 07:39 p.m.

Oh man i'm so excited for Wednesday morning. I was reading in the newspaper last week on the train about the Hadassah Bazaar. At first I thought I had missed it. The stupid newspaper had no indication of date or time on it (strangely enough they mention it on the site). But then I googled it and found out that it's this week! oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man!! I'm going to be pushing over old ladies left right and center and stepping on anyone's head if they get in my way. You can get some really nice clothes for like... 2 or 10 bucks. ohhh man. i'm in the market for a nice tweed jacket or something. I dunno. I'm also going to keep a lookout for stuff for my sisters and mom.
Afterwards after a nice exhausting 4 hours or so, i'll head back towards my workplace to well, work. I'll be so dead tired though. Tuesday night i'll have to pack a dinner and lunch and then off for the bazaar at 6:30am, get onto the train at 6:55, get downtown by around 8, wait at the Ex until 9 and then RUN UP AND DOWN COLLECTING THE BEST STUFF. i hope i can bring a garbage bag with me.
then afterwards it's off to work for another 7 or 8 hours.
if ANYONE wants to meet up with me, i'm totally game. Just beware, i'm a vicious shopper.

Saturday, October 25, 2003 05:29 p.m.

My sister and I passed on helping my oldest sister out with her wedding dress. Which is just as well, she found her dress in record time. From the sounds of it, she'll have a pretty cool one at that. My sister and I have to wait six months to see it though. oh well.
I saw The Pirates of the Caribbean today at a local cheap theatre with my sister. I think after seeing KILL BILL, it seemed so lacklustre. Yah the special effects were great and the story wasn't bad. It just seemed to be .... eh. so-so. The only character that had real definition was probably Johnny Dep's character. Everyone else was so... bland.
Afterwards we went to WINNERS (the discount designer store), and I immediately looked for the orange bag. Gone. I have a faint suspicion that my mom may have bought it. But in the event that she did not... I bought a really nice Clive bag. These things are usually priced in the range of -200 bucks or even more. Well those are prices I've based off of what I've seen on Queen St. in Toronto. Anyway. Mine cost me only bucks. it's not orange but it's yellow, red and black. Sure it'll clash with almost everything I wear but it's guaranteed for LIFE. And did I mention how cheap I got it? FIFTEEN BUCKS! and it's a good thing too because my current shoulder bag is starting to get holes in it.
More things to spot me by: shaggy to slick dark hair, dark rimmed glasses and a bright yellow, red and black bag.

like a ton of bricks. i sat in front of the train. Saturday, October 25, 2003 01:13 a.m.

I got off work early today. Rumor has it that they're cutting back hours or something. I still work the same amount of hours I'll just be leaving earlier (but I arrive earlier). Or something. Either way it's a good thing.
anyway, it's my official birthday weekend i think every night i'm going to make myself alcoholic cocktails and drink out of the martini glasses that we bought a while ago. I'll make the progressively stronger. Monday is the actual day but I'm working that day. I think there's only a few things that I actually want more than anything. Of course these few things (i think three in total or is that five?) are all up to me to obtain. it's not really something i can ask for.
I can only imagine what my sisters and mother are going to get me. My dad usually just gives me and my sisters money for our birthdays (very straight forward). It also occurred to me that my mom actually has within her knowledge and power to get me something that i really wanted. A while back we went to this department store that sells discount designer crap. I spotted this really cool orange laptop bag. I think the company was based in New York or something. It was .00. I didn't buy it because at the time I had spent 100 bucks on work clothes. I also didn't bring my wallet. Ugh. I have to stop thinking about it. It was so neat. I was playing a computer game in my sister's room while talking to her tonight and i mentioned said bag (how it'd be so cool if my mom actually got this for me because it'd show that she'd get something that she'd know i like versus what she'd like).
My sister said "haha dream on. mom was saying how you wanted this really UGLY bag..." for the record it was NOT ugly i think if i could find the hexadecimal color value it was this #ff6600 orange.
Tomorrow I think all of us are going to go pick out wedding dresses with my oldest sister. geez.
Oh yah. and i probably won't drink myself silly. I will probably finish that popcorn hat to wear to work next week. I'm also arranging to have some belated birthday celebration with all of my friends who live downtown.

Thursday, October 23, 2003 01:34 a.m.

Work is work. nothing worth mentioning. I did listen to some mp3s of the Kill Bill soundtrack. Upon hearing Ironside I gave a death glare over to the side of the building Penny was working at. hoping that her head would explode in the blaze of my own fury, i sat at my desk disappointed and resumed typing mindlessly.
As of yesterday the story all over the news is about the abduction of a young girl named Cecilia Zhang. It's so sad, she's only 9 years old and some vile piece of trash abducted her from her own bedroom late at night. Her room is on the 2nd floor of the house. The abductor actually climbed up into her room! I meant to write about this earlier but I got sidetracked. Actually yesterday while on the train I was reading the newspaper and after reading about this, I was tempted to skip work and go downtown to see if I could help out or something. Don't ask me how exactly. It makes my blood flow with volatile fervor when I hear about this kind of thing.
Oh just now, I read on the The Star, that her captor is holding her for ransom. I can honestly say that if I had the opportunity, I would get a kitchen knife and slit this asshole's throat with no remorse or hesitation and then stab him/her/it in the eyes a few times just to make sure they couldn't follow us. My hopes are with the family.
On that note, I'm going to sit in bed and continue knitting my popcorn hat.

dontthinkaboutworkdontthinkaboutworkdontthinkaboutworkdontthinkaboutwork Tuesday, October 21, 2003 11:18 a.m.

i woke to the ring of the phone this morning at 9. Someone called and i refused to answer it. I went back to sleep. I think for a second I imagined that it was my boss calling or something related to work. This thought resulted in a nightmare involving me picking up the phone and being yelled at and then being redirected to an-over-the-phone fast food (wendy's) ordering service. I think he got so mad at me that he forwarded me to some lady who then took me to go get food. Then I woke up.
here's an excerpt of what I remember my boss (who's really my supervisor) said to me:
"DO YOU THINK I LIKE MAKING YOU GET UP AND USE THE PHOTOCOPYING MACHINE?!"
"um... no." (at the time i was thinking... I don't do photocopies! But if he made me do them, he'd be doing his job wouldn't he?!)
I'm feeling okay now but when I got up I felt unnerved.
Also it seems that some of my journal entries have been erased. It seems that Pitas had some errors. But they said that the missing entries will be back soon.
Speaking of errors, yesterday at work, my Ipod decided to malfunction. I almost threw the thing at the wall. Of course I didn't. It wouldn't play music and it'd be frozen on the one screen for many minutes. I figured that if i plugged it into my computer things would be fixed (This worked in the past.) After a boring shift and an even more silent trainride home I tried my theory. No dice.
I finally fixed it this morning. This involved resetting the ipod and erasing everything. Which isn't a problem because re-syncing and re-uploading songs is a snap.
Right now I'm remaking a newer and improved bjork playlist. That is, all of her cds rather than just the esoteric songs.

Wasted time. Tuesday, October 7, 2003 01:04 a.m.

I'm so tired. I start work tomorrow. I'll never come home. And I have to repeat this for another three months if I can't find anything else. ugh. I wasted about an hour resizing and uploading digital photographs of oil paintings I did this year. I uploaded them to my yahoo account so that I could post them on Eatpoo. Within minutes the stupid page breached some bandwidth limit. I'll say it loud and clear, I need a new host.

I keep forgetting that I have title privelages now. Sunday, October 5, 2003 08:21 p.m.

People should read the dictionary on a daily or weekly basis.

Mossimo pyjama shorts, size SM. Sunday, October 5, 2003 01:05 a.m.

I saw the American version of The Ring tonight. I liked it. Definitely more graphic than the original Japanese version. I thought overall plot was pretty original. They explain things a bit better, or rather they leave more hints in this version. Like how the tape of Samara's nightmare is created.
I also thought that I'd be able to pass on the 'tape' of Samara's nightmare. It'd have to be to someone I really hated. A few names have already popped up in my mind during the movie.

STYLE? Saturday, October 4, 2003 12:19 a.m.

I think my brain is becoming stale. I made an attempt to draw things today. I came to the conclusion that some fundamental brush ups are long overdue. I just hope I can do justice to those application assignments.
Also, I'm not so sure of my so called creative edge. it's getting a bit dull lately.

fifteen fucking percent. Thursday, October 2, 2003 03:07 p.m.

I did it. I caved in and bought a new graphire2 pen for my graphire1 pad. I was also reminded why I hate Ontario's tax system so much.

Thursday, October 2, 2003 12:51 p.m.

For the record: It is currently 59F/15C in my house.
outside temperature: 44.6F/7C.

Wednesday, October 1, 2003 04:17 p.m.

Ladies and gentlemen, my voice has reached New York City for the first time!
I called the Parsons Administrations office today. Oh baby! I was so surprised, I was expecting the total New York stereotype. I prepared myself and pre-wrote a script so I wouldn't stumble over any of my words or forget anything crucial. The woman who answered was nice and had good phone etiquette. It moved so fluidly. I'm almost tempted to schedule a personal interview. Almost.
It turns out they still have me on record, the lady told me exactly what I had to submit. I fervently recorded every detail. I think the hardest parts of the portfolio/application process will probably be:
-the 6 step process.
-getting my university and college transcripts.
-taking slides of my work.
I don't think the other things will be that hard (creative wise), there's a small paragraph essay required, a self-portrait, and a collage of an interior space. Oh and a letter stating that I'm applying for the '04 term, it's basically an introduction.
I got goosebumps when I heard the phrase "Parsons Administrations Office..." on the phone.
I also re-ordered a catalogue on the phone. The person in that department was kinda CUTE. hahahaha. They asked me a slightly related to the topic yet personal question. It wasn't anything scandalous, relax.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 08:25 p.m.

HOLIDAY! I just got a phone call from my agent. She told me that she's waiting for some government clearance forms to return. Long story short-I'm not to show up to work until these documents arrive. Which will probably either be tomorrow or later this week at the worst possible scenario.
I'm a little disappointed but my excitement outweighs it more. I also got a letter from Parsons, I have to call them (I was planning on doing that anyway). Tomorrow is the perfect opportunity to do so, and also I'll be able to get all of my questions answered. I'm very excited.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 05:43 p.m.

Who's working tomorrow from 3pm-11pm? yah. that's right, I AM.
Plans to fail did not work at all. two main reasons:
-I got an 82 on the final exam (a pass is 70)
-the teacher ended up letting everyone go through regardless of their mark. I knew someone with a 58 or something and she still got the job. oh boy. they must be desperate.
Leaving the train station today I had to purchase a monthly pass. While listening to my ipod I didn't really hear the price. I got the receipt. ugh. I spent 5 without even realizing it. It's actually not so bad, considering a 2-way ticket will cost so..
x22 days (weekdays and yah i took out thanksgiving day)=2
Which makes for a grand savings of .00. I shouldn't be so pessimistic, this really won't be so bad. Besides, I also dropped in some inquiry about some data entry positions that are opening up. Hopefully I'll hear back about those. TEE HEE.
Over the last few weeks while commuting, I must have seen at least 4 or 5 people that I knew from high school. It kind of sickens me that I didn't even have the decency to acknowledge them. I got off the train, I looked left of me, made complete eye contact with the guy behind me (i recognized him 100%), and then I looked right and continued to walk in that direction! I'm sure he was trying to get to the same destination as I was. I know for a fact he lives up the street from me. I didn't even tell him to go into the north parking lot to catch the bus that drops you off right in the neighborhood (let alone say 'hi'). He was in the south parking lot looking pretty lost. I was friends with him too, he was in my finite class and we both had the same violin teacher.
Hopefully I'll know better next time than to be a total self-absorbed ass.
Sunday, September 28, 2003 03:13 p.m.

Maybe it's this time of the year or maybe it's the weather, but this afternoon I felt especially caustic. Not the typical "i'm single and lonely and therefore the world is my dartboard" kind of cynicism, no no, more like a "it's a good day to impale some victims with my forked tongue because i'm in fact the devil".
The clouds run across the sky and billow about. The sun is out and beams are dully piercing the silver lining. The air is fresh and rushing everywhere. It's one of those days when it's nice to be out in the sunlight because you won't break into a sweat after 3 seconds. It's fall season. Scorpio's weather of choice-most definitely.
More errands today, I decided to buy some 'potstickers' for the pot luck on Tuesday. If that girl has problems with these, I'll tell her openly that it's more work to make 100 odd spring rolls than it is to make some lameass pot of jerk chicken. It was this girl's brilliant idea to make something "of our background".
I've acquired my dad's really sweet digital camera. I'm currently looking into buying one. Nothing extremely fancy, not some cheap piece of crap either. I decided that it'd be something really convenient to have, and plus if I'm going to be living abroad in the near future it'd be nice to have something to record things down digitally. I could also archive my "paperless negatives" onto a cd. The archives I could amass excites me so much.
Lastly, after many mini road trips, my sister and I finished off at Costco. I picked up the Holes dvd. In addition I had some major fun making fun of some choice citizens of Burlington, Ontario, CANADA.
There was this man who was wearing a blue knitted sweater with weird geometric patterns down the front and back. He had a gigantic belly, and he was wearing some gross acid streaked blue flared jeans with some meshy clogs. He was saying to some female companion to "stay put".
I finished paying for the dvd and walked straight ahead. We decided to try out those cinnamon pastries known as "churros". While standing in line, I turned to my right and spotted a cougar. This woman was standing at the cash line, she must have been in her mid 50s. Then again she was also Caucasian, and well, frankly they don't have the elixir of youth that Asians and black people tend to possess. She was wearing some tight blue jeans, a matching denim jacket, a red shirt, underneath her arm was a large white purse with a cell phone pocket off to the side (the cell phone was old too! pssh please!), and to top it off she had some stupid coif. The 90s 'hiptrendycool' blonde flip whatever. I just remember she had bangs and they were blonde and she had dark roots. bleh. i hate that hairstyle so much. My sister said she didn't look that bad, I agreed and said that it could be worse, she could be sporting what the aforementioned guy was wearing.
Oh yah, the churros were gross. It was like eating a doughnut slathered in sugar, hardly any cinnamon flavor-actually it's more like eating a French Cruller
Lastly, in the parking lot we saw a "j-lo" as my sister put it. A white long sleeved thin shirt, loose pink trackpants, and flip flops. Oh perhaps I forgot to mention that upon closer inspection her face was totally done up in makeup and her eyebrows formed what seemed to be 90 degree angles. And her hair was all loaded with mousse and anti-frizz nonsense. Clearly she spent time on her look and was trying to give off the contrasting idea. The "whatever look" is pretty easy to pull off. You just have to not care about your appearance or outside opinions and strut Oh yah, you also have to not spend hours on preparing your outfit.
I was walking a good 10 feet behind the j-lo and I told my sister,
"That girl, is a bitch. look at how she carries herself. she holds her body in such a self-declared-self-important manner. Look at her expression, she's all scowling and mad (maybe it's because she's cold, but that's her fault for dressing like a skank on a cold day) Clearly she's a bitch."

Saturday, September 27, 2003 08:28 p.m.

This morning I awoke fresh as morning condensation on the window.
I wanted to deposit my paycheck and buy a nice rug for my floor. My sister and I went to IKEA and looked around. I think this is my third time in my entire life that I've been to this place.
Here's what I bought:
-a wall clock that resembled my watch face and also an award winning clock that was designed by the really famous design company UMBRA.
-a circular mirror that utilizes a bicycle tire as the frame (it's green with a black stripe). I figured I needed one for doing a self-portrait, and I could hang it up in my studio. My sister said it was "so ugly" but I explained to her that it reminded me of Jan Van Eyck's Arnolfini Wedding. Reason being, the convex mirror in the painting is circular and there's a strong dominance of green in the overall image.
-a black piggy bank. It was cute (I like black). I felt sorry for it because nobody wanted the black piggy banks. Everyone snatched up the blue, green and orange ones. It was 3 bucks so that wasn't so bad. The bottom plug is really hard to remove, I think you have to be King Arthur to unplug it. Which is probably a good thing for a piggy bank.
Oh but they didn't have a rug that I liked. They only had some really ugly green one left or was it blue? I just remember thinking it wasn't red. Therefore I didn't want it. Nor did I want to pay more than 10 bucks for a piece of scrap materials.

Saturday, September 27, 2003 06:18 p.m.

if i got a good paying job (not something long-term like a career) that required a lot of typing, i'd be happy. I'm trying to bring my typing speed up to a consistent speed of 90WPM. Right now I average at about 81WPM.
Once I reach this goal, naturally I'll aim for a higher rate. I was tempted to switch my keyboard to a DVORAK layout. Apparently this configuration is optimized for speed...however, the majority of keyboards out there are set to the regular QWERTY setting. That'd probably make me fit into some really esoteric percentage: a mac user and a DVORAK typist. haha.

Friday, September 26, 2003 09:41 p.m.

look at the time and date. i want to crawl in bed. right now. but i have to stay up another 20 mins so I can walk the dogs.

Friday, September 26, 2003 05:53 a.m.

ugh. i fell out of bed trying to turn off my alarm. my hand landed on my ipod-it's fine.
'smart casual dress' today. hooray. and paycheck day as well. double happiness.
It's cold out so i'm going to wear my trucker vest, which reminds me of well... if you guessed heather's vest you're right.

Thursday, September 25, 2003 09:36 p.m.

generalization from observation: guys who say they have to 'go pee' instead of 'taking a piss' are suspiciously gay. either that or semi-sensitive.

Thursday, September 25, 2003 06:24 p.m.

On my way home I saw my reflection in some massive window. I think today I either looked "indy rock" or "emo" or whatever x 100. Thing is, when I get up in the morning it's so dark I just go into my closet and pull out a shirt that isn't wrinkled and pick up the pants that i left folded on my desk chair and add them together. Throw in my dark glasses and dark hair and presto, I'm either a goth, emokid or indy rocker, whatever you want. I have no clue. I should take a photograph of what i look like today and then post it at some secret location and ask people to label me. I'm sure the word 'fob' will get thrown in there as well.
So here's what I wore:
-black dress pants (cotton slightly stretch material)
-black brushed cotton button up shirt with big black buttons (someone at the break pointed out that i had dog hair all over the shirt.)
-blue/black frames, a black watch and black dr. martens boots (not the shiny kind, but the dull kind. i've had the same pair since gr.10).
furthermore, i think i wear too much black. it's all coincidental that everything i was wearing today matched. Even my watch and ipod were coordinated.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003 09:50 p.m.

Celebrities who decide to turn into fashion designers madden me to limits of heaven. Stuff by Hilary Duff, FU MAN SKEETO, J-L0, SEAN JOHN WHATEVER. I also heard that some rapper named CHINGY is going to make a label too, he apparently wants a record company as well. shit. fuck you CHINGY.
let's go shoot the mannequins and pull apart the velour tracksuits.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 09:10 p.m.

I saw a woman today in the cafeteria. The first thing I noticed, her hair. Here's why. She had a curly fro on the top and then she had long straight hair coming out the bottom.
"it looks like, you know when you go to a wig store and try on wigs and your hair comes out? yah like that. Oh I only know because I've done it before with a friend. We had to buy a wig for Halloween. Oh yah and it also looks like she was in one of those salons, you know when they sit in the chair with the ball or dome thingy over their heads? yah she probably was sitting in the chair and then forgot she had work and got up and ran off..."
This lady was also Asian. I'm pretty sure it was her hair because it was all the same exact color.
I also slept in today ugh, another hour, i ended up being five minutes late for work. Tonight i'm sleeping with my alarm 10 ft away.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 08:56 p.m.

if anyone were to say that i'm harmless and that i wouldn't kill a fly, they're lying. This evening i've killed a total of about 7 flies and one male mosquito. disgusting

Monday, September 22, 2003 09:53 p.m.

i slept in until 6:14am. that was rushed. I made it to work. boring as usual. I don't get anything.
My emo glasses are finally mine to wear. That'll keep me content for about... a day i think.
Tomorrow is going to rain again, ugh, this time i'll be prepared, i'm going to wear my burberry's trenchcoat MAYBE.

Sunday, September 21, 2003 10:10 p.m.

i took a nap this afternoon. My sleep pattern is all thrown off. yes!
I think I have such a fetish for bad music. I mean it's some of the best stuff to work to (in my opinion) and by that it becomes 'bad' but in that good sorta way. like the way pink and black or turquoise and black are cool as hell. 10 years from now they release these compilation cds of said music and they always sell like hotcakes.
Of course there's always just some music I will always refuse to listen to such as: anything by or affliated with Chad Krueger, Sugar Ray, Creed type music, or deathrock music.

Saturday, September 20, 2003 03:44 p.m.

Yesterday was pretty boring. More work. Also on my way home transferring trains I decided to start sketching 5-10 minute drawings of my surroundings. I also averted sitting on the bench that had a gigantic bog of what appeared to be partially digested french fries, ketchup and other fluid.
My friend from school is coming to visit today, and I'm going to show her the highlights of B-town.
I'm also going to email my agent to see if she can look for other jobs in the event that I don't pass the training.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 08:45 p.m.

Holy shit. The bookstore called me, I got the job! (again). However, I told them that I'd only be able to work weekends because shortly after the group interview I got offered another job. We both agreed that it wouldn't be feasable and we politely and mutually turned each other down. Hahaha! I felt so IN-DEMAND all of a sudden. I've gone from one extreme to another relatively quickly. V=RDRR!!
He also said that he didn't want me to get burned out, which is good and I was really relieved to hear that. I know that would happen if I had to work 48hrs a week or something insane like that.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 07:32 p.m.

day two:
Today was pretty good. Much better than yesterday. 7.5 hrs of sleep as compared to 4.5 and frazzled nerves makes a big difference. It also helped too (a bit) that I had my new glasses to wear. (note: i don't have a headache like the one i had yesterday). Introduced to us were these programs called Mainstream and Workflow. Both of which come with massive manuals. I think there's another financial program that she'll introduce to us eventually. Lovely.
The teacher gave us another test on the Mainstream program today. guh. at least I know the difference between a Class A and Class B client.
Yesterday we had some pop quiz dumped on us. Testing us of our CSLP knowledge (canada student loan plan). As well as some other government related questions such as:
"What student documents might be attached to a certificate?
(an IBB slip and a POA declaration) * "What government documents might be attached to a certificate?" (a letter from an ex-checker and a 3rd party letter)*
Yes, we're actually getting graded towards a final mark. Which makes sense because this is training and the companies are spending a lot of money into potential full time workers. Plus they also want to make sure that those workers will have a good grasp on things.
The problem is, I don't. And after that pop-quiz things weren't reassuring. A girl today decided that she had too many bad experiences (coming to work late and parking fines) that by the mid-morning of the second day she quit. The teacher had also mentioned that in some circumstances they've had to let people go by the second day as well!
The girl beside me and myself were saying that she should have at least stayed until the end of the week and get 3 days pay or at least until the end of the second day.
To make matters worse (on top of that horrible quiz), the teacher made us mark that thing IN class and BY other people. Holy gr.7 French Immersion Canadian History class. I'm sure by now you can imagine my surprise when I got the test and the teacher said to me that...I had tied for 2nd highest mark in the class! Which was a 91%. Damn. I guess I shouldn't quit after all.
*those were the answers i had written on the quiz.
Other points of interest:
-On the commute towards work today I stationed myself at the end of one of the cars on the train. Adjacent to me sat a group of teenage goth type girls. At first I couldn't hear them because I had my ipod turned up so loudly. But then I turned over and noticed they were talking about 'new drawings'. I lowered the volume. Eavesdropping on their conversation, one of the girls exclaimed over the fact that she 'made up a new monster'. "He's really hot. He's a demon I made up named...". "UGH, I'm sitting next to a bunch of bakanekites". They proceeded to pick out 'hot bishie' guys. I looked over again and noticed one of the girls was holding up a CLAMP style manga. I resumed to augment the volume of my ipod and looked out the window.
-looking ahead, a man lost in his discman. he not only was mouthing the words his eyes were closed and his head conducted the orchestra.
-Oh and apparently I look like I'd have grey hair.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003 10:12 p.m.

oh gosh, to make things more interesting, i got a callback from that bookstore. ugh. apparently wanting to be daria, didn't matter because... i might get that job too. However I'm going to tell them that I can only work on weekends. and if they don't like that.. heh well. HOORAY for me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003 10:04 p.m.

work was tiring. wake up at 5:30am, and i came home at oh i can't even remember, i just remember being home and eating dinner at 7pm and wanting to fall asleep flat on my face on my plate.
I don't know if I can remember all of the terminology. ugh. Canadian Student Loan Agreement (CSLA!?), EI?!, EOS?!, DATE OF ISSUE, CSL!? CERT?! F-UCK?!

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 07:24 p.m.

I GOT THE JOB(handling student loans)! Training is for 10 days. I have to make a hellish commute really early in the morning. ugh. which means i have to go to bed at 10 or something insane like that. After that though, I'll be starting my "regular" hours of 3-11pm.

Monday, September 15, 2003 10:01 p.m.

I forgot to mention that the OSAP guy and the "i have a car to pay for" girl were total emo kids. oh man.
Also "i have a car to pay for" girl had these gigantic stretched earlobes and had an eyebrow barbell, and a nose ring (i think) and a huge fat hoop sticking out of her lip. And then when asked 'where would you like to work in this store?' She replied with "i'd like to work at the front cashier and greet customers, i like seeing customers and showing my shining face to them" or something like that.
WEEEE! we're getting torrential rain from HURRICANE ISOBEL. or is that isabelle?

Monday, September 15, 2003 09:09 p.m.

I had 2 job interviews today. One was working at a big chain artsy bookstore place and another one is handling student loans. Originally I thought I'd work only weekends at the bookstore and then do the student loan job during the week (it takes a higher priority because the hours and pay are better). Turns out that bookstore place is super lame. I went to a group interview and some of the questions included:
"if you could be reborn as a cartoon character, who would you be?"
So many people said "wonder woman" or some other super hero, i think i was the only person who said someone 'real'. I said Daria. but nobody knew of her.
"What do you think were the 3 most important events of the twentieth century?"
I was really annoyed at this one because he chose this one girl and then she said 'no!' so he picked me. I scrambled and said some things like the Stock Market Crash, and by accident I said something from this century, and then I said World War 2 and finally apathetically I said the events at Tiananmen's Square. Everyone after me except for one guy, said WW1 and WW2.
"If you could take 3 books with you to a deserted island what would you take?"
I also got increasingly annoyed when people started playing the 'pity card' which is a big DON'T at any job interviews. Three people (out of 7) played this card. Your potential employer isn't going to hire you out of pity and if they do, that's highly unprofessional.
"i really need this job because OSAP (Ontario student loans) isn't good." ( i swear he said something really stupid like that).
"i really need this job because, i love books and i'm also writing a book."
"i really need this job because, i have a car and school to pay for."
holy shit. those were some of the dumbest answers i've heard. It's a pretty obvious when someone is applying for a job that they need the money for something. And I mean at the beginning when you tell a bit about yourself, that is when you should state that you're a student and that you're saving money for school or any related expenses.
Then on the extreme side there was this lady that apparently had her MASTERS in english or something. oh man. so she wanted to work at this place. okay. Her reason for wanting to work there was that she was like an index for the store. sure.
Both interviews went well, the bookstore turned out to be less favorable than the other employment. I am grateful for the eye-opener.

Sunday, September 14, 2003 05:13 p.m.

why is it that people in 'relationships' seem less interesting?

Thursday, September 11, 2003 11:47 a.m.

Remember when it was cool to be in Toronto? Remember when Queen St. was the place to buy things? Remember when TO was the center of the universe?
People that say "oh my gosh, i love toronto it's so awesome." are either; 19 or younger, live in a small city, have never been there or a combo of the above. I've lived next to the "metropolis" for two decades and a bit. I think I only thought it was the hype when I was in my late teens. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad place but I was in the right mindset when i was 12 and saw an "i love toronto" commercial. That being "what's the big deal? It's a dirty city!".
I also should really get to cleaning the bug guts off my walls. The millipede legs look like long eyelashes splattered on my walls.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 02:01 p.m.

I am feeling MIGHTY stupid right about now. ugh. it was MONDAY SEPTEMBER 8TH @1:40, NOT TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 9TH @1:40.
And top THAT all off, the lens of my glasses literally popped right out of the frame when i was standing and now it rests in pieces on my kitchen counter.
shit!!!x8090848200infinityblackmagicyourmamalifesucks.

Monday, September 8, 2003 01:29 a.m.

IT'S OFFICIAL!
I broke my tablet pen 100%. well more like 75% (the only thing that works now is the duoswitch part). I was asking someone about tablet pens and we had discussed how it was better off just buying a more recent tablet rather than trying to keep the old dinosaur. We still discussed how to go about by dismantling the pen. And while it did prove to be very interesting, the contents of my pen are different than those of the more recent models. (the adjustment screws aren't in the older models). Also, don't drop the pens whatever you do. That really screws things up.
And for some unknown reason, I decided to pull the eraser tip off, and well now it doesn't work. But for those of you who want to know what' s inside, it's like a tube that has some wire coiled around it tightly and in the tube is something like the pen nibs which attaches to the eraser end (on the inside).
It's just as well. Despite not returning to school this year, currently I have a lot of responsibilities and tasks. Top of that list is saving up money. So as soon as I do that I might splurge and buy a new tablet. But I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. (I know I could buy one now if i really wanted to but it wouldn't be right.)
It's also probably to my benefit. I was spending not enough time in my sketchbook and more time at my oekaki bbs and a few others. Consequently my drawing/painting skills are probably supremely weak. I never accomplished my summer manifesto: to paint over all 50 something paintings i had done up until now. I think I've only done about.. 3 paintings this summer. or is that 2? whatever, the idea is still there.
and just for kicks, i might use my jewellers saw and cut the tablet pen in half to see if i can fix it. GHETTO.

Sunday, September 7, 2003 02:46 p.m.

no matter how much i try, i always manage to add more people to my aim list. at one point i was proud to say that i had 5 people on my list. Somehow I have that plus eleven. AIM is a stalker's instant messaging service. Anyone can add you, and you won't even know of it. That is unless they send you a message and thereby forever blow their cover.

Friday, September 5, 2003 12:09 p.m.

I wish songs wouldn't get old so fast. I just recently downloaded some 'new' old songs I forgot that I used to like, and they're getting there.

Thursday, September 4, 2003 09:54 p.m.

I had my eyes examined today. Ugh. It turns out that if you don't have the word "blabla SPHERE" written beside the eye's prescription, you have an astigmatism.
I have an astigmatism. LOVELY.
Oh well, the promise of a second pair of glasses for free (promotionary deal) should remedy this.

Thursday, September 4, 2003 02:12 a.m.

i say this and mean this without any kind of pretention, sometimes i w