things have not been goin as smoothly as final year started. the heights of orthopeadics have not been replicated and i ve been struggling to get a foothold in my work. thing is, its like... i show flashes of brilliance at times, and others, i give answers which should really send me back to 1st year.
the thing on my side as i enter the exams, which is in about... 10-11 weeks is, my internals should be in the 50-55% margin of 200, which is about 105-110. Those who are in this range of internals generally pass, and i hope that applies to me. Not that i m bankin 100% on it, it just gives a lil bit of light...
Surgical posting came and went with a blink of an eye, and just like that 4 weeks of medicine is over. Left with 2 more weeks of medicine, then i end (hopefully) my medical school posting experience with 2 weeks in the Accidents and Emergency Dept, which i pray is less taxing. U wanna know what taxing is? Taxing is ur so tired, that when u wake up on a thursday mornin, like this mornin, and u just dont feel ur legs. U ignore the alarm, which actually rings for a good half hour, and lie in bed. My legs just refused to move...
Then at 915 i get a msg. "By any chance are u in campus goin to hospital?" Any other day, Any... i would have gotten outta bed, washed my face, gargled my mouth, worn a cap and drove to campus.
Few more months... c'mon boy... yippee ka yay mother fucker...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
i m in need of some pain... Pain, the more painful it is, the less i feel the dull pain i feel now...
The body works in mysterious, but wonderful ways...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Got an sms from a friend, whom i ve never met before. Her father passed away this morning. When i read the msg, my mind shot back 5 years ago, to that mornin in bangsar. Its sad, but somethings are just not in our control... Judging by the way i feel at the moment, i ve realized i do have another close friend. My condolences to the family...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
first part of the Ball pictures. Rest will be up after Photobucket stops being a bitch...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
i have people around me who care bout me. i have people who are not around me who care for me. The point im tryin to make is, i shouldnt make this people feel bad in a serious way, leaving aside my playful joking nature.
I find it interesting that the the major things which people do, dont really affect my mood, but it s the little things which really works me up. Like today, i had whiskey split on my suit which is gonna cost me a bit to dry clean, but that didnt really annoy me. What made me feel like a piece of wookie shit was someother thing which i said.
That said tho, i guess i have to apologize to some people, which i know i dont have to, cause they care for me. I have to stop this habit of mine, where i make people think that their the cause of me being pissed off. I m pissed off because of my own mistakes. The little ones that i do my self. So... when i let my guard down and make a big one, i get fuckin pissed off. Like... now.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
quite depressed... but i still wear the liverbird on my chest with pride... You'll Never Walk Alone.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The thing about never missing class is, when the need really arises, u dont even have to think twice of bunking. In my final year, which i m... almost 70% done, i ve never missed a wednesday and saturday mornin class. Ever... oh except the peads class of 31st when i went to batu caves. So, i bunked today. Why? so i can sleep, and then watch the Champions League match, between AC Milan, and dear old Liverpool, who were... yes... lucky to be in the final, since they were as Mr Ancelotti say the poorest team in the last 4, and as Mr Gattuso, who's first name is Rino, i mean, who calls their children Rino?, says, Liverpool are a long ball team.
Which is funny, cause against Milan 2 years back, the first goal was a glancing header from Gerrard, off a cross by Riise the winger, while the 2nd was also a build up play, then the low drive from Smicer, and the 3 rd was a bursting run by Stevie G ending in a penalty. Long ball team? Worst in the 4? Liverpool beat Barca. That alone deserves a final place. Then Chelsea. I mean... who else do Liverpool need to beat to be in the final? Watford? Selangor? My Chemical Romance? At least one italian got his head right and thats Mr Lippi.
All that said tho, i still dreamt that the Pool lost one nil....
Anyways, last night at the A&E. There s this hot doctor. When i say hot, i mean fair, lovely pleasent lady, who could really do well as a saree model on Fashion TV. So, instead of repeating, "fair, lovely pleasent lady, who could really do well as a saree model on Fashion TV", i ll just call her hot doctor. The rock on her ring also says alot... Anyways, there was this patient who just came in, and an ECG (electrocardiogram - the printout of the heart s electrical conductivity) was done. ECG has always been one of my weaker points, and basically i cant wait to hit medicine postin (my final one) to improve on that. So...
Hot Doctor : (standin next to me) So, tell me what u see on the ECG...
Kuhan : *in his head* (She's talkin to me!!! She s talkin to me!!!) *goes blank* errm... i have no idea?
Hot Doctor : *givin me THE stare* Well... u'd BETTER have an idea...
So, feeling really miserable, (i.e. Hot Doctor 1, Kuhan 0) i catch on to my shining beacon, the last hope for all of mankind, the actual last king of Gondor, my housemate... Jeff. Since he's done with Medicine, he just gives me the breakdown on the ECG, and i think i can diagnose an MI ECG now... still needs practice tho... but thats not the point. Few moments later, there was another patient, who came in with a fracture femur (the bone between ur hip and knee) which was open (meaning there was a wound/cut on the skin over the fracture). Now, orthopeadics, esp trauma, that i m confident with. So, i browse thru the investigations form. The diagnosis was written as "Open # of the right knee jt" (open fracture of the right knee joint"). Thing is... there s no such thing as an open fracture of the knee joint. There s no such thing as a fracture of a joint. Doc Ashutosh and Doc Narendra will hammer u to kingdome come if u say that. So i pointed it out to the person who signed it.... The Hot Doctor. =) (she s really hot... ok... sweet, but hot)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
It finally came. 2 weeks ago. Final year Surgical posting. 2 months of non stop on the toe action, drama whatever. If there was background music, as well if we all looked like overpaid supermodels, surgical posting would kick Grey's Anatomy to kingdom come everyday and twice on sundays. The funny thing is surgery is not hard, theory wise as compared to medicine. Surgery, like ortho, (ortho is technically apart of surgery) is logic. 2+2 = 4. A + B = C. Unlike medicine where there are a million and 2 variables.... No, the thing about surgery which makes it... dreaded, is the expectations. Its a subject which requires perfection, even to and especially to the slightest detail. I suppose its fair, as these slightest details eventually means life and death... so there isnt anythin much to complain about... What which really gettin to me is the hours. Havent really had much time for anythin else. A daily schedule would be somethin like this...
645 wake up
745 ward
8 - 9 summary rounds
9 - 11 long case presentation
11 - 1130 work up on cases
Lunch is supposed to be 1130 onwards till bout 2, but thats sacrificed for a sutdy session for the afternoon class, or sleep. This is followed by an afternoon theory class, and then night postings from 6 to around 10. After dinner etc, home by 11.... and then its just to tiring to do anythin else... but sleep. Yea...
On another note, someone turned someone s back on me. =) I mean how bloody stupid do u think i am not to notice it? You're not bloody invisible. On the bright side, u've just proved me right. Ah well...
Photos from justin s birthday....
couldnt upload ab s one cause of photobucket acting up...
wish i had a USB connection to my brain/heart, where my pc recognizes and analyses it, and puts it down to words.
Whatever said and done, i m the tin man, and hopefully i ll be ridin the eye of the storm.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
10th batch exams are strating tomorro. Feels a lil bit fucked up, cause i am supposed to be sitting for that paper and hopefully passing that paper. That had me thinkin tho, how far along i ve come.
Still remember leaving to manipal in KLIA, talking and huggin *a then healthy* dad, being overweight with my luggage, reachin manipal, living in RT & being roommates with mamak, getting ragged by crazy ass mother fuckers in charaka canteen and various other houses, moving into charaka, the frantic rush to get the flight ticket home, father passing on, watchin Star Wars Ep 2 in Midvalley instead of goin for Anat Spotters, the dinner in thailin, me and anu, the admission in KMC, the time when her parents came down, the 1st pilgramage to Goa, 11th batch coming, meeting some people who are pretty much the most decent people i know... Sidestop... how could i forget that...
Studyin for 1st year unis... failing Anat... remembering the phone call from Indra confirmin that i failed... the fucked up, trip back to manipal, the break up with anu, settling down, taking Farah to the X-ray dept for her foot problem, meeting kirukku at North South Games, passing 1st year, remember checkin the results with Jeff at the Cybercafe in Klang... 2nd year came along...all the late nights in IZOne with How li GT, Adam and jeff... results were good, having a blast with 11 batch, the 2nd trip to Goa, with bro and mishant,banging a stationary bus with a kinetic and running, the shiny disco ball thingy with risha, gettin the tattoo done, giving up alcohol...
14th batch comes along... where i know most of the guys, and some of the gals, some of which, like Micheal Corleone says..." You break my heart Freddo". Manipal Idol was the bomb... Me and Sam goin to the hair dresser for hair color... Pedro introduced to the world, all the sms torture/fun i had with Eye... Eye. Right. Clinics... all the times on the bus to Udupi, Diana s for Poori Baaji/Kurma and sundaes, Manipal Canteen and Dollops mania almost everyday... Oceana was the craze...
Leaving manipal with Reuben, Loges and Sam. Crazy stuff in the auto in Bangalore... Arrivin back home... Moving into the orange house, from the biawaks to the burglers to the guys coming over to watch Liverpool bt Milan.
I realize i ve left out a lot, and some maybe perhaps more important stuff, while included the less important ones. That said tho, up to the last paragraph, i typed continously (bar typo). So what really does matter...? Good luck kids... Wish i was there.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
It s like 2nd year all over again. The good thing is i m focusin the energy towards the books, the bad thing is... its a shitty problem to have. Its quite complicated as it was back then, but that pretty much resolved quite well. I should be a lot wiser now, but yet still the same mistakes. dammit.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
In a wicked and twisted way, history has repeated itself. How i allowed it to happen, i dont know, but one thing i know, its prob for the better good. That said tho, i m quite sick of lookin at the positives of all the bad stuff i ve been goin thru. I just want to look at the postives of the good stuff. I want to, be free of the... how to say... i just dont want it to be complicated. I know i m complicated, but i ll say this, non of the people i know, know me well enough.
If u say u do, u know ur lying. I almost... almost let someone in, but i ve decided against it. I think i m right, and i ll stick by it. Maybe i ll change, maybe i ll let my armour down. So far, i have let it down a few times, and mostly its a good feeling, and more for the reason, that the other person needed it.
Simply put, i ve always been there when needed... and when i really think about it... ah well. Sleep. I know, u know. We know.
Monday, March 19, 2007
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The
following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70
years, many children, grandchildren, and great
grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college
girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had
sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old. I'm telling everybody."
Thursday, March 15, 2007
i should be updating more often, but the stress i m under is quite overwhelming, and is not something i really want to remember. Also, all the estrogen in OBG is suffocating me again. Anyways two things, which is totally irrelevent
1) who'd have thought Dr Karanth and i shared similiar ideologies.
2) This is what it feels like to miss someone.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Settles the Gerrard vs Ronaldinho debate doesnt it? I ve always said the Stevie G has been a better overall player than the brazillian. Guess i dont have to say much tho, the game says it for itself. As in the man u game, its a wonder how the Pool lost. Chances, a riise double frame hitter, and Crouch... Crouch... what am i to do with u... Maybe Jothi is right.
Got a new phone thanks to my brother. Decided on the N6300, which has the best screen i ve seen on a phone. 16 million colors or something. Imagine an LG flatscreen on ur phone. Uhm... yea. Classes.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
i realized a lot of things last night, a lot. I cant go into specifics, not because i dont want to, its because i cant. I dont know how this works, and how i d possibly be implicated, but i swear, i ve never felt more fucked up before. This one is a whole new feelings....
I m in a line where people will die. I ve had people die on me. 2 in one day even, back in Muar. One was a 40+ year old male who had a stroke, and the other a 80+ year old male who had pneumonia. The thing is these people died because of their conditions. What happens if the fault is the practicing health care giver?
I'm pretty much sure this has happend to everyone from the top specialist right down to the houseman, and from experienced nurses right down to the junior nurses. Maybe its a good thing i experienced it as a student, cause bloody hell, i ve learnt it. i know now, whats the difference between a doctor and a lay man. Its not having the title, its not the pay, its not the prestige. It s being able to treat someone safely. Any tom dick or harry can prescribe and treat, but to do it safely and ensuring no harm to the patient, thats what seperates the men from the boys. Lesson learnt. Hopefully, those reading this will learn from my experience as well.
This isnt my year anymore, this is my life.... and this certainly isnt a joke.
