Friday, March 24, 2006
What a way to peak. After the earlier events, car s still givin problem. The radiator is messed up, or its the thermostat, or somethin. I m just hopin its the same problem like the last time, and not anythin more serious.
Exams. Final exams. Com med went pretty ok, knew my stuff here and there, thats passed i think. Ent, hangin on a balance, but in God's hands. Opthal. Thats a pain. With 11 internals outta 30 i know it was gonna be hard to pass, compared to 17 of Com Med, and 15 of ENT. So i went with a do or die attitude, and gunned it. Went for the exam. Wrote it well. The corner of my heart said, yes can pass this mother fucker. Then i come out of the hall and ka boom. Wrong Diagnosis. Meanin they asked bout X i wrote bout Y in detail. It s not a straight forward question like Write bout X, but its more towards 3X + 4 = 7, so what is X and tell us bout X type of question. So, if u get X wrong, 15 outta 70 marks kaboom.
but the thing is, if ur expectin failure, when u fail, ur not so disappointed. I was already half lookin at the resit a few weeks to come. One things assured. I AM NOT GOIN TO DROP BATCH. I like my C group. No pompus arrogance, no back stabbin, no excessive kiasuness... so ya... but there goes my sept holidays tho...
So after opthal, went to meet mamak and his parent. Mamak's father, Datuk Hassan was part of the team who took care of my dad in IJN, and he s one of the coolest guys around. I mean, he s only like goin to be 50, and he was the youngest HOD in IJN. Good Role model. So, went out for lunch with them, 2nd straight time at Subaidah. I think ive had enough nasi kandar for sometime.
Went to jusco with Jeff and mamak, got the Vodka. Mamak was supposed to get it duty free, but the shops were "closed". Ai... Came home and cleaned the house with Jeff and got the food.
The party at night was welcomed. I think many people just wanted to forget bout stuff and chill out. Food actually was just right amount, alcohol got people nice and buzzin, not drunk, people came and went. One part, i took a plate of an unnamed person, who had just finished eating, and she was like that chineses fella bein immitated on Russel Peters... "noooooo" i took it anyways, and told her she can wash the spoon. To which she does, with a soap bar. The kind soap bar u wash ur hands with... Protex to be specific... right
Crowd slowly dwindled, and we went to Xtract. First time in 2 years i went clubbing. The place was bad, the floors dont allow and smooth movement, the music was not my type at all... dammit. They should have house/trance in melaka... but the crowd was good. It reminded me of Sphinx in manipal, but the tempeks are replaced by Malaysians. Also lotsa Melaka Manipal people there, including some people i generally avoid, but still came up to me, and "dei MACHA!!!! how are YOU dei!!! Whats HAPPENIN!!!!"
Went for supper after that, and that time i was high. Not on alcohol, i ve been dry for almost 2 years plus, but high on 30 hours of no sleep, sugar and natural highness... couldnt event think straight. Came back and knocked out... and just woke up... aight. Makan.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
i know what i want. i also know i cant have what i want. its because i cant have what i want, i struggle to find ways to make without what i cant have. dammit.
Monday, March 6, 2006
do u know what the fuck stress really fuckin is? Stress is a fuckin bitch. Stress is when u cant fuckin sleep at night, so u wake up at 5 fuckin 30 in the fuckin morning and fuckin wash ur fuckin bathroom and do the fuckin laundry. Then u fuckin realize ur car has no fuckin black oil and u have to fuckin service it, to find out that u need to change ur fuckin tyres, which in total is rm 5 fuckin hundred and 40. Then u come home, to find a the mother fuckin pundek orange mother cheebye cat, fuckin pissing on ur fuckin clean pants which fell from the fuckin cloth hanger... someone fuckin please put a fuckin bullet in my fuckin head... mother fucker... i need sleep. Cheebye...
Sunday, March 5, 2006
Yea. Spent the last few days home, and basically, i think i ve found myself. Yea. Thinkin bout things over, thinkin bout "who i am, who i want to be, who i look up to etc" and i ve realized a few things.
One of it is i have changed. I ve been changin all along. I ve been too hard-headed to realize that, and now, i know for sure. Lookin back to the time when i wrote bout "A view from the outside" for the coll mag, many people thought i was using my personal history as a template, but the truth of matter is i was lookin at my self as a 3rd person. The guy was the me before, and the gal was, well, who i became. That being said, that was my life in a perspective i never told anyone.
The identity crisis. I ve drawn lines on who i want close to me, i ve identified the people who i know are gonna push me thru, the people who make me mature, make me respond more maturely and allow me to make them mature, as well as the people who just damn bloody pull me down to the ground. I ve identified it all. People tell me that life s too short to give a fuck, and well i ve been sayin that all long, but there come s a time, when u realize u do give a fuck. U realize u have to give a damn bout things. I realize that now.
Yea... Time to live as Kuharajan Ramalingam Kandiah. Time to show the world who i am... time to shed the cloak...
