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Anandini
Azrin
Ayunami
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Thursday, March 2, 2006
Yea. Exams are over for the moment. For the moment i mean, for the next 2 weeks odd, when my finals for 3rd year begin. Not much difference between the final sessionals and the university papers, excpet for com med, cause the topics and portions covered are basically the same. So technically, if u pass the final sessionals, u got a good chance of passin ur unis. Yea.

Overall, i think the sessionals was better than the mid sems, meanin i think i did betta. At least this time, i attempted most of the questions compared to the last episode, of palpitations and sweaty palms in the mid sems, where everythin was a blank and i got the lowest marks since Add Maths back in form four when i was 16... Results are ultimately everythin these days, and well... lets see how that goes. On a brighter note, i passed my com med practs, yea, the one which was a pain. I ve had this theory, cause the results werent released after the exams, that the powers that be, list the marks, and fail the bottom X number, dependin on their statistics. I mean, they have to fail people, so yea... but that s my theory. What do i know? lol.

Got back to klang yesterday with theaven. That fella seems so quiet, but he can really talk. Lol. Went with him to a barber, and fell asleep. Mistake. Lesson learnt, never fuckin sleep in a barber, esp when ur gettin ur hair cut. Why? my hair is so fuckin messed up, even my mom s laughin at me... wtf... Anyways, another theory and as Arun agrees, indian barbers always FUCK ur hair up, but after a week, u find out ur hair looks much better than u anticipated. Yea...

Went to Esso mamak last night with amy and Kc. I dont want to speculate anymore. *not that i should either* Had roti salad after along time, and was contempelatin a nasi lemak. I ve been quite lucky in the sense over the exams, as i ve been whackin KFC and mc Ds, non stop with a constant supply of coke, and i put on 1kg... which is not bad. Lol. Anyways, didnt have the nasi lemak, and slept for 13 and half hours... yea...

Gtg home... i mean, from the cyber cafe. Yea. Byeee....

Monday, February 20, 2006

Arena

(known to self and others)

able, complex, independent, sensible, trustworthy, witty

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

accepting, adaptable, bold, calm, caring, cheerful, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, ingenious, intelligent, kind, knowledgable, logical, mature, modest, observant, proud, quiet, reflective, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, spontaneous, tense, warm, wise

Façade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

brave, clever, idealistic, introverted, loving, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, relaxed, shy, silly, sympathetic

All Percentages

able (4%) accepting (4%) adaptable (4%) bold (13%) brave (0%) calm (4%) caring (8%) cheerful (17%) clever (0%) complex (26%) confident (26%) dependable (26%) dignified (8%) energetic (8%) extroverted (13%) friendly (47%) giving (4%) happy (8%) helpful (26%) idealistic (0%) independent (4%) ingenious (4%) intelligent (21%) introverted (0%) kind (8%) knowledgable (13%) logical (4%) loving (0%) mature (8%) modest (4%) nervous (0%) observant (8%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (13%) quiet (4%) reflective (8%) relaxed (0%) religious (47%) responsive (4%) searching (13%) self-assertive (17%) self-conscious (8%) sensible (4%) sentimental (4%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (13%) sympathetic (0%) tense (8%) trustworthy (26%) warm (21%) wise (4%) witty (30%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 20.2.2006, using data from 23 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Kuharajan's full data.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Arena

(known to self and others)

able, complex, independent, sensible, trustworthy, witty

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

accepting, adaptable, bold, calm, caring, cheerful, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, ingenious, intelligent, kind, knowledgable, logical, mature, modest, observant, proud, quiet, reflective, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, spontaneous, tense, warm, wise

Façade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

brave, clever, idealistic, introverted, loving, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, relaxed, shy, silly, sympathetic

All Percentages

able (4%) accepting (4%) adaptable (4%) bold (13%) brave (0%) calm (4%) caring (8%) cheerful (17%) clever (0%) complex (26%) confident (26%) dependable (26%) dignified (8%) energetic (8%) extroverted (13%) friendly (47%) giving (4%) happy (8%) helpful (26%) idealistic (0%) independent (4%) ingenious (4%) intelligent (21%) introverted (0%) kind (8%) knowledgable (13%) logical (4%) loving (0%) mature (8%) modest (4%) nervous (0%) observant (8%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (13%) quiet (4%) reflective (8%) relaxed (0%) religious (47%) responsive (4%) searching (13%) self-assertive (17%) self-conscious (8%) sensible (4%) sentimental (4%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (13%) sympathetic (0%) tense (8%) trustworthy (26%) warm (21%) wise (4%) witty (30%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 20.2.2006, using data from 23 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Kuharajan's full data.

Sunday, February 19, 2006
Exams.... infrequent updates till april. take care. Liverpool beat united.... ahahhahahahaahha cough cough *my ass* hahahahahhaha... wheee....

Sunday, February 12, 2006
I left out a few minor details, but one thing was on my mind all along. When i was carryin the kavadi, near the railway junction, i was dancing to the urumee. After the junction, the group went back to the temple, and then we made our way up to batu caves. Suddenly outta no where, this kepak karat dude, and i do mean outta no where, just falls at my feet. He just falls down on my feet. There s was like some 10 temples in that area, and the dude falls to my feet. I remember thinkin to my self, what the heck is this clown up to. Funny, how people react...

in a non related issue check this this out ---> humour me.

Sunday, February 12, 2006
Yea. Thaipusam went well. Left after class on Friday to Klang with Reuben and Loges, with Kengesh taggin along to Shah Alam. Reached Klang and decorated the Kavadi without any major fuss, except for nailin in the pictures and the attachemnt of the hooks to the chain. So, gettin new pictures was a pain. First of all, it had to have a non glass cover, or it would have shattered on nailing and second, most shops were souled out of Pillayar pictures. So after walkin around, eventually we get everythin in, where else, JLN TG Kelana. Right.

Got back to the house and dipped the hooks in alcohol and pierced it in to the bananas. Remember this. So, then all was ready, so we left to bangsar to my aunts place. Met Ayu and Bigg, both for the 1st time. They tagged along and Shakee then joined us later. So, four cars later and driving thru the streets of KL, ala Jean Reno in Ronin, where one person in the car asked me this,

X : Macha, ur car keys are with u ah?

Kuhan : mike... i m drivin my car....

Reached batu caves in no time using some back roads. As with the previous years, as soon as i entered the Pillayar temple, went in to trance. I donno why, but i scream a bit, and that sort like disturbs the other people in the temple. The thing about me in trance is i m extremely arrogant. I know that for a fact. I dont care bout what people say and must have things my way. So for a good five mins i was sittin down...

So, i went bout wondering in the temple... and outside.... and inside... and outside... and then i heard the Urumee from another procession. *if u want urumee mp3s, msg me on msn* and started dancing to that. At that point, they were already strugglin to keep me calm.

Few moments later, my cousin comes and tells me that i have my own urumee melem (band), which in trance, i thought he was lying. But when they came and started playin, i remember i was just so happy. It was like just bliss. I dont remember being ever so happy before. I knew i was laughin. They eventually got me down, and started puttin the hooks. It wasnt that painful, off and on i was wincing, but i do remember lauging and smiling with the piercings. Whis is this....

Was disappointed when the front hooks kept on fallin off, so i guess thats a lesson learnt for the next year. Sharper hooks. Remember the bananas of which the hooks where placed? I just took one, peeled it and ate it. With the surgical alcohol and all... right. The Vel (spear) was pierced, and then we made our ways up to the caves.

Another moment i really enjoyed was when the Urumee melam fromed a circle around me and played, just before reachin the main street.

It was AMAZING. To dance to the beat, with the hooks dangling from the body, it was just... amazing. Euphoric. Its like a combination i guess, the Urumee, being in trance, the hookings and the piercings, and the fasting. It s like leadin up to something.

The journey after that was pretty uneventful up to the caves. Fatigue was settin in as well. Made a really smart move and asked Loges to carry 2 half litres of Ribena. Life savers. The glucose straight in the blood, was like a bonus. Made my way up, and well... prayed.

The journey down was a bit worse, due to poor crowd control. People were goin up to the caves the wrong way, and all sorts of poor human behavior. Its just stupid and unwelcomed. What to do...

So, thats about it. Thaipusam s over. Few people need to be thanked here... My family *goes without sayin*, reuben - sharpenin the hooks was a pain man..., loges, my brother's friend rakesh, Ayu and Bigg for the pics - first time tgk gambar ni..., and yea... thats bout it. God bless.

Saturday, February 4, 2006
So there i was readin the newspaper after class when i see this . After the initial confusion of what the heck was this guy doin, i was left pondering, why was he doin it... and then... how was he doin it. I mean... daang. A bicycle. As a kavadi. What the... thats like giving out durians instead of mandrin oranges during Chinese New Year or somethin or rather.

Missed Ent class yesterday mornin for reasons unknown. Fortunately it was the last class, so that means

a) i have enough attendance

b) i dont have to bunk for Thaipusam next saturday.

Fair enough. Looking forwards to Friday. Been 3 years since i went to BC for it, and well, the excitment is slowly coming back. Went to GB yesterday. The temple is quieter now, considering the 40 day post renovations prayers are over. Still one rockin temple. If i had my camera i would take pictures... dang...

In a non related issue, past few days have been weird. I keep on replayin the incidents that happend on the day Sam died. Dont know why, but it just keeps replayin over and over again in my head... damn...

Thursday, February 2, 2006
Wanted : Female. Someone bout my height, average built, wicked sense of humour, a few hair strands outta place, a wee bit oily complexion, stunnin eyes, smile that would arrest a heart, ability to be daft is a bonus. Must be single. Please sms or call me at 017 2423 141. Suitable reward is afforded. Have a nice day.

Wednesday, February 1, 2006
Yea. This is the year in review a month too late.

January - Was still in manipal. Things seem so vague now, esp since i miss the bloody wasteland, esp dollops, manipal canteen, sidestop and 105. Ai... Nothin really spectacular i remember

Feb - Had the exit exams, which was stressfull to say the least, but all s wells ends well. Remember goin to Manipal Canteen with Jeff, Ana and Sam, then to Thalloors with Sam and Shanks. Ai... Made my way to Banglore with Reuben, Loges and Sam and flew back home.

March - Intrestin month. Started classes in melaka, moved into the orange house with Jeff (expected) and Adam (unexpected). Funny now, how i think of things, the 3 of us have never argued over anythin, and its gonna be a year already. hmmmm... Remember having a "suprise" bday party at Syeds place. Lol.

April - Came and went. Postin and classes took up most of the time i guess

May - will forever be remembered for May 25th. Liverpool beatin Milan in Istanbul. Remember the next day on the way to tangkak, had one milo and two coffees... which unsettled the G.I.T. Lol...

June - i think i had mid sems...

July - Surgery major posting. Everyone is scared of Mv K. but i tell u... he is da man...

August - no wait... nevermind.

September - 2 people died. R.I.P.

October - some degree of normalcy resumed. 7th sem postings seem so relaxin post psychiatry... yea.

November and December just flew by...

Throughout the year, i ve been suspectin that some people know bout something, which they shouldnt know, except for those who know bout it, but please do me a favor, if ur readin this, and u know what i m talkin about, please tell me. Cause it takes a tonne off my shoulders. Right.

Thursday, January 26, 2006
i donno what this means, but i m stickin by my religion... my rock of foundations...

You fit in with:
Spiritualism


Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

40% spiritual.
40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Monday, January 23, 2006
The guys came over last night to watch the match of the season, Man Utd vs Liverpool. So, as i ve written earlier i was thinkin of a clean liverpool win. Then i started gettin that gut feelin it aint gonna happen. I was thinkin back to a few years, when Liverpool didnt win in like 12 matches, drawin a few and losin the rest. Then they went to Old Trafford and won one nil, i think, thank to Danny Murphy. The match itself was even, and Liverpool should have been 2-0 up at that time when ferdi scored, but that didnt happen. So, well as they say... the battle is lost, but the war is still on.

Things i wanna point out...

1) Liverpool still won more trophys in the past 5 years.

2) Liverpool have never booed any of the players off the pitch, and cheer them as Gods when they score.

3) Liverpool have never booed a manager off the pitch.

4) Liverpool are still Champions Of Europe for now.

yes i know what ur sayin, i used to support man u, i am judas... bla bla bla... thing is i ve realized i am more passionate bout the Scousers then the time i "supported the devils" back then. I m likin the tradition, the culture, in short Liverpool is all that. True, they lost last night, true Cisse needs to shoot better, but the thing is, Liverpool are on the rise. There is no doubtin that. They are gonna win the League sooner or later, and that s gonna happen soon. The Champions League might be a better target this season, Barcelona vs Liverpool sounds nice at Paris this May. That said, i m also hoping for Man Utd Vs Liverpool Fa Cup Final. oooo... sounds nice...

Deepa had a birthday dinner at the bamboo just now. Was fun as usuall, mockin eash and Jothi, someone i hadnt known that well, but i think know she knows me. Reuben was then talkin bout a friend who got engaged recently and all. Made me wonder why i didnt do somethin engineer/comp/it related and started earning money. Then again... lets not go there...

In a non related note, I havnt mocked shakee in a long long time...

Friday, January 20, 2006
Yea. Thnx to reuben, all the hooks are sharpened. So, there s nothin left to do in melaka with regard s to the kavadi. Thats one relief.

On a sadder note, just found out Suhanthan's mother passed away last week. Suhanthan's this old chap i knew since i was in Std One. He was one of the first fews friend i had actually, along with Devan and all. Damn... gonna see him next saturday tho... cant make it back to klang. Damn.

Thursday, January 19, 2006
So, i ve come to a conclusion. I am a mean person. I know that. People who know me know that s a foregone conclusion. I ve toned down a bit since i am fasting. I dont notice a difference, but people tell me i m nicer. I should be. Cause thats what moderation means. Right, but yesterday i disappointed myself by gettin annoyed. Very close to pissed off, but not there yet.

How do i know that? Cause when i m pissed off, things fly. Chairs, cups, tables... and thats happend like 3-4 times in my life. Sometimes i wonder why i dont get pissed off more often, buth then i realize its just not worth gettin pissed off over. Then there is the fact that i m fasting, as i ve said earlier, moderation, or in this case, patience. What i got annoyed over was immaterial, though i was provoked, i should not have reacted the way i did.

Thinkin about it now, and re-running the situation, i still think that i would have reacted the same way the next time this happens. Face the facts. Idiots never learn, leopards cant change its spots. Yea... i am a mean person, i give you that, but i do not mean what i say. Anyone who knows me knows that...

In a non related issue, met Shakee and Sanj's old friend from Ipoh, *i know i cant spell her name right* Keisha or somethin to that effect. *rhymes with Geisha i figure* So we all chilled out till 3 in the am, which added with my above explained mood, means i need to sleep. Yes. I think liverpool are gonna hammer United this sunday. If ur in melaka, drop by OHbtD. Cheers.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
i need to buy an oven. Any ideas? yes. I know.... oh, and passed opthal end postings.... yea..

Sunday, January 15, 2006
Yea. Long posting of Opthal ended. At least now i know a bit more than i used to and hopefully more time to do other stuff. Anyways... Fasting has been goin well so far. Having trouble with findin food, which in turn became a blessing since now i can cook instant pasta. Definetly gettin a "tong gas" after Thaipusam and gonna start cookin real italian food.

I ve always been a fan of italian food. Ever since i was a kid, i ve liked pizza, then i tried pasta and that whatchacallthatdish - carbonarra? fettucini? whatever its called... i like it. Why? Cause i ve always like the tomato paste they use... which brings me to --> Prego. I love that stuff. I m just wonderin how come i never knew bout Prego all this time. So u know what u do? U go to tesco now and buy Prego. Prego rocks. Yea...

Went home to klang for the weekend to get my Kavadi stuff ready. So, i look for my peacock feathers... one bundle missing. Right. Where could the feathers go? Its not like they grew a peacock and ran away? *ponders in deep thought* no... unlikely. So have to call an aunt in Selayang to get a few more. Then i find my kavadi shorts missing. Which is not too bad. Also the milk pots are missing... Which made me wonder... How could these stuff go missing when they were on top of the alter all along? Ai... Stress. Lucky the pictures and the cloth were there.

Got the hooks relatively cheap. Sharpend the Vel as well, so only things left to do is get the chains, get the hooks blessed, and decorate the Kavadi - all work for chinese new year holidays. Aight. Off to watch the punisher. Night kids...

Sunday, January 1, 2006
R Yea. Been a long time actually. Strugglin to find time, juggling between postings, Sdls, Pbls, and lectures… ai. Went home for Christmas last weekend. Met up with Kc and Aimei, and we went for a drive and had ice cream, with me thumping my chest like king kong. Ai Mei proved once and for all she s daft, but I cant tell u how. Neverrmind.

Went the next day to Tlk Gong for seafood, where it was the eve of Kc s bday and we ordered some good food. When the bill came, I took a look at it, and there it was. For 8 bucks, we had “ciciling ta”. Yes. Ciciling Ta. For a good part of 4 and half minutes I was wonderin wat the fuck Ciciling Ta was… then I looked at the dishes… Not the crabs. Not the fish. Not the vege… but it was there. It was sizzling taufu…. Indeed. Went to A&W next with Chew, Jen, Amy and Kc, and had a double root beer float and a Supreme Dog. Indeed. And people wonder why I am so fat… ai…

Anyways, made my way back to melaka and had an intresting week in opthal. Learning a lot more, things are more clearer in postings, but i m still lost. Nevermind. Supposed to head to Batu Caves for Suhan's bday and then kl for the street party, but that didnt happen. So, went over univited for loh's steamboat and then back for Liverpool vs WBA. Weird thing. This entire season, i ve never missed a live liverpool match. If its live, i ve watched it. 2 am , 3am, any time. Right. Went to have Nasi Kandar after that. So officially, my first meal of the year was Nasi Kandar.

Went to lunch with loges just now at Selvams. Went to look for my Kavadi hooks, found them at 70cents a piece, which is not too bad but since im broke i ll have to ask mum. So, gonna start fastin tomorro. We ll see how that goes. i m gonna go now. Year in review and prognosis later. :) Cheers.

Monday, December 19, 2005
Right. Came to my senses. At least i had to over the weekend. Community Med report was a bitch and a half to say the least but it s over and i owe 4 people lunch at selvems for it. The stressfull part wasnt the actual project itself, no, it was the people who didnt give me what they were supposed to which pissed me off. Though she explained herself this mornin... but fuck it la...

Went for dinner last night. Ordered nasi goreng ayam. Waited for half hour. Reconfirmed orders. Waited another half hour, then the girl comes and tell s us there is no chicken and if we wanted anythin else... Can u see why i get stressed? Can u?

There are somethins i d like to say, but till i know more i cant say... laterz....

Friday, December 16, 2005
There come s a moment, a moment when u realize what is it that u want outta whatever ur doin. I ve always thought that, medicine was the path laid before me, something i was pushed in to doin since young. I mean, sure as a kid, everyone wanted to be a pilot, or a copper or lawyer, not understanding the full realization of the occupation. Sure, a doctor sounds like the happenin thing to be. I grew up on E.R. and chicago hope. Seeing people like Dr Green and that people like George Clooney and Erik La Salle in the ER is deceiving. Its nothin like that. Then again, i m sure law is not like La Law or the practice either...

But whats botherin me the most is my lack of motivation. I m no longer driven the way i was. I used to like fear the exams, and that made me study. Now, its like i m not in the right frame of mind for medicine. I know its too late to pull out and i m better off seeing it thru first. I owe my mother that much at least. I had the same feelin a bit way back, and i m still a bit at the lost.

I would like to think of it as an accumalative effect... A lot of shit i ve gone thru since manipal. Things with the ex, especially the things which were left unsaid between us. My dad dyin after i was in manipal for a few months. The depression episode i went thru that december... Then back in melaka, Sam s death. House being robbed. Poor academic results... I mean, what the fucks happenin to me? Times like this i just want to sit down with the Chivas on my cupboard and pass out. I'd do that, but i know when i sober up, the shits still gonna be there. I thought i had it all settled last week when i said i m gonna take things by the scruff of the neck and beat the crap outta life. Thats easier typed than done.

When it rains it pours. I wish i could leave it all away, i wish i could get some people outta my mind, i wish i could sit down and study the way i did last time i was in manipal for 2nd year, i wish i could get my act together and pull through. Intimidation from my mother doesnt work anymore. Maybe i should start doin things for my self instead of others. Maybe. Havent been goin to temple either on a regular basis. Been sleep deprved from stress and the paranoia of the burglary. Everytime i hear a motor bike, i m lookin outside the window. Its slowly gettin to me. I m not goin crazy, i know that, i ve seen enough looney people in my days and i still do. Maybe its time i moved one. Find a new motivation. Cause right now... i m just lost... and dont ask me if i m alright or wanna talk. If i wanted to talk, i d talk to u.

The funniest thing? People dont know shit bout me...

Thursday, December 15, 2005
Was in the library this mornin when 2 things happend. One was nirmala callin me "blur". Me. Blur. Right. and the other was Yee Ling tellin me that i like simple women. The 1st one doesnt need any analysis, so i ll jump to the 2nd one.

actually, i need to study for com med. bye bye.

Monday, December 12, 2005
Yea, its gonna be kinda long post with a few extra pictures. I'll start a few weeks back when a few of us went to Seafarer's to celebrate the Masta's i.e. Meena K's birthday. It was the usual group of people bar 2 noticeable absentees, which would not be named. So ere are the pictures, selected of course...

this are pics of Kumar, Sanj, Sheik *don't know if I spelt that one right* Daki in one, and el fippo in the other.

and next we have Kumar passin me advice on how to score, me and sanj, and then finally me tryin to bite el fippo's ears and sanj.

and this is me and Sai Ram, Me and Sha, as well as John, Priya, Me and Daki.

and these are the group pics...

Movin forwards, Saturday morning. Getting down from Jeff's car and walkin behind Adam, I see a bundle of Rm 1 notes. Obviously he dropped it, and I gave it back to him. After class, as I entered the other side of the car, I find Rm 50 and an Rm 5 note. Again its his... So I took the bus back, which was lucky of me cause I got the last available seat. The dude next to me got down in Shah Alam and left his wallet in his seat. Again I gave it back to him... Nevermind. U ll understand why I m telling all this now in a while. Reached home safely and saw a few relations I haven't seen in a while. Most of them had a common agenda in sayin I m fat. Indeed. And this is a conversation I had with a certain uncle of mine

Uncle : So, how long more have u got to go before u qualify?
Kuhan : Errr... roughly 2 more years, then I m thru I guess....
Uncle : So, are u in it for the money or the service?
Kuhan : errr... both?
Uncle : u should do service. More service. U should go to a third world country and join the Red Cross and do service.
Kuhan : o_O"" errr... I ll sit on the idea uncle.... Thanks.

Ashita's pre weddin thingy was next. This is Ashita getting milk and coins tossed on her head. Must be fun...

and this is her after getting ready...

This are my cousins, Suhan and Thamby Boy. I m still tryin to figure out what s goin on...

and these are my nieces... Madhu and Priya... cute lil angels...

and this is the "maanavarai" or something. The place the weddin actually takes place.

These are the Kanagasabai Clan and the generations... about 20-30 odd people are missin in action +)

This is me, my bangsar Aunt, who is one of the 2 women I m actually afraid of and her grandchildren, i.e. my nephew and nieces. And the other is me and another nephew Akash. He s fair cause his dad is Chindian. Right.

and finally, my brother, Suresh, Ashita, my mum and me.

Now the fucktap part. Came back to melaka and slept off. Woke up this morning and found my drawer open. Ignorin that, I went to look for my phone. Which was not next the computer where I left it. Checked my wallet, 75 rm is not there. I was wonderin what the fuck was goin on... Went to Jeff's room, woke him up and asked for his phone to call mine.

Kuhan : Dei, where s ur phone?
Jeff : That's a good question.

His phone wasn't there either. I saw his wallet on the table, opened it to find its empty. Went to Adam¡¦s room and asked him where his stuff was. His phone was there as he slept on it and his wallet was spared cause it was in his pants. We then realized Jeff's keys was on the floor, which could possibly mean someone hooked the keys and came in. Damn. After talking things, I went to bath as we had classes. That's when I realized my camera was missing... Fuck. Yea. Fuck. Good night kids. *edit* Handwriting Analysis
What does your handwriting say about YOU?

Saturday, December 10, 2005
gone home for the weekend... right.

Thursday, December 8, 2005
There comes a time in your life, usually at one of the lowest, where you have to just roll up your sleeves, grab life by the scruff of it s bloody neck and you show the mother fucker who s in charge of your life. No more pussy whining bout anythin. No one s gonna live my life for me, nor is anyone gonna influence anythin which is gonna effect my life again... My principles are my rock. God help me...

Hurt

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real

the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair

beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

i know it s a druggie song, but look at it from my point of view, and it ll make a whole lotta sense.

Thursday, December 8, 2005
Just got out from the worst paper in my life. The absolute worst. Thinkin bout it, it wasnt as bad as Add Maths in form 4, but fuck, the worst paper since my form 4 add maths paper. The difference was the add maths paper was a joke, and the opthal paper wasnt. The opthal paper is gonna be part of my bread and butter.

Was lookin thru the paper when i got it, i felt my hands go cold, and i actually started shiverin in the hall. Actual trembling. First time that s ever happend. I mean usually, u have some clue on what s goin on in the paper, but this was just a total blank. Diagnosis, treatment, management, i was like "......."

Was the first one out after 45 mins (being a 90 min paper) and left out *as in did not attempt* 45 marks outta 70. That means i answered 25 marks. That means a max of 25 marks. Thats if i get it all right, which i doubt. Which means, i m gonna get somethin, possibly, as low as a single digit. Which i ve never gotten since the bloody add maths paper....

Yea i know, what the fuck. Been thinkin bout how come i ddnt study enough for the paper. Maybe its time i throw principles out the door... I cant afford to fail/lose anymore time.... Fuck.

Thursday, December 8, 2005
Things havent been goin exactly the way i planned it to be. I m tryin to build a wall, but its quite difficult when u have

a) low quality bricks
b) low quality cement
c) u dont know the correct measurement on the ratio of cement and water.

Sent a random survey on people s opinion of me yesterday, to find out if anyone had actually noticed anythin different in my behaviour over the past few weeks, since i made my choices. Some have noticed, and well, i m beginning to have doubts over some i ve considered to be good friends. That being said, it s difficult, and un-right of me to think of such, esp after what they've done for me. Ai... Why does things have to be so complicated? Why didnt i do what i wanted to do many years back? Why am i so principle minded?

Today was very much better. Woke up when Megen msgd me and said the Scot should be sacked. Checked soccernet and found that Man Utd are OUT OF EUROPE. Ahhh... such joy. Aight... Opthal beckons....

Wednesday, December 7, 2005
Yea. Since there was no contact on the previous issue, i m hoping that the "problem" is done and over with and everyone can get on with their own lives. Indeed.

Its been quite a hectic week, with exams and all, especially Com Med. I mean com med is not an mcq paper. The differences between rates, ratio and what nots , are already confusing enough as it is, and then when manipulated to form true/false questions, it just becomes an extra large headache... Ai... maybe can pass la...

The Com Med postings, however, are a blast. Surveys are done with, 5 days in advance, so its quite relaxin for the moment. Twice during the survey...

Us : Puan, agak-agaknya puan ini berapa berat ah badan? *How much do u weigh ma'am?*
Rather large lady : *confidently* Akak rasa berat akak ni.... lebih kurang 45kg la..
Us : Oh, ok.. 45 kgs ya... *writes down 9o kgs*

Bloody hell, i weigh freggin 95 kgs, u ARE bigger than me, and u weigh 45 kgs... i give up. Apart from that, its been an ok survey, and hopefully no other problems will arise.

Champions League. Liverpool are thru and will avoid Barca, Arsenal, Inter and possibly Juve. That leaves... Manshitster Utd, IF THEY QUALIFY,rangers, Psv, Ajax... amongst others. Its gonna be intresting. They havent been playin particularly well, but the luck is with them, and hopefully Benitez wont leave for Madrid...

Aight. Gonna sleep now. Opthal tomorro. Damn....

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