Thursday, September 15, 2005
I m tryin to find the words here, so please bear with me.

3 pm yesterday - Psyche class started and finished early. Shakee, Deeps, Syed and me wanted to go visit Sam, but we saw the time, it was 3 o clock. Visitin hour was 5 pm. So we scrapped the plans. Decided to go home and sleep it off a few hours cause i didnt get much sleep, watchin Liverpool play Betis earlier in the morning. Msged Shakee, told her, "call me and wake me up when u go to see Sam. I ll follow." Then i slept.

515 pm - Waken up from my sleep by Shakee - "kuhan, listen. Come to pantai now. Sam's dead. I dont know. Are u listening? Kanesh called. Sam's bad... Sam's dead." I just went blank. Blank. i couldnt stand straight, my legs was wobbly, my hands cold and clammy. Knew i couldnt drive. Instincts, as the same which happend as my dad passed away, kicked in. Caught Jeff on the computer, told him Sam's in trouble, and asked him to drive me to Pantai.

530 - after the longest car drive of my life, it was a 5 km drive, we arrive in Pantain. All the way, i was thinkin 2 things. One was, Sam's dead. Two, if shakee was bullshittin, i was gonna kick her ass all over and probably never speak to her again. Went in the ward, nothin was confirmed. Sam's parents came out, told us that "Sam was gone". I didnt beleive them. Didnt. Pushed my way thru to see his lifeless body on the bed. Nose and ears closed by cotton, toes tied to each other. He was dead. Shock set in. Let it out. First time i cried in a while. It was good.

Regained composure, and made my self usefull there. Did a bit of work, nothin compared to Justin, who finished at 3am doin all the Bible work, and took things as it came. Was with the family as word spread round Melaka Manipal. Went for dinner, as nothin else to be done till next mornin due to the autopsy. The gang stayed over in orange house, keepin each other company.

Woke up at 630, giving me a total of 6 hours sleep in 2 days, and went for class. I dont understand the reason why classes was held in the first place, nor am i goin to comment on them. Tried to speak to Dr Shankar to cancel psyche postin, to follow as Dr Kamala did for Opthal, but he being new, was difficult. Took matters into our own hands on advice of Dr Kamala, and spoke to Dr Wafa or Melaka Gh, who cancelled class for us. At around this time, the Autopsy report of Sam came out. A pulmunory embolism around 9 cm due to fat emboli. In non medical jargon - its a heart attack of the lungs. That means, he died quickly and with little or no pain.

1030 am - came back to the orange house as Abhi was a bit under the weather. Showered and got dressed for the Memorial Service at Melaka Manipal. Was SHOCKED as i entered the hall. Everyone was standing. No chairs at all was placed. We were like "wat the fuck....?" Got hold of Pak Cik Mahat and got the chairs. Had no idea what was goin thru Sam's parents mind at that time... Loges and I prepared 2 eulogies for Sam, and Loges went 1st. i went next and spoke bout how we were... Lol... Never gonna meet another character like him. If i do... i m really blessed. *edit* When we started 6th semester in Melaka, we were all asked to write an esei bout ourselves. At this time, the Dean read out Sam's essay. The way he read it, as though Sam put MMMc on a pedestal... but those who knew Sam for half a minute, knew EXACTLY what Sam thought about MMMC :) if u dont believe me, go to MMMC s page on Friendster. *

2pm - Went to the Church. The prayers were short and simple. Compared to a Hindu funeral, Christian funerals seem more community orientated, with less emphasis on individual prayers. Sat next to Anne Marie, who s got unis goin on... Seein him in the casket... just eeerie. Followed by the burial. Met Janene, "my psychiatry patient" for the last 8 odd months from Msn. We both wished we had met under different circumstances... Paid my last respects. Sam. Rest in peace...

After that, Sam's dad gave a speech. He specificly mentioned that he s gonna watch over Reuban, Loges and my results. That cought me by suprise... I mean, earlier, i already promised him a glass of my gin and tonic during my graduation, and he s taking it really seriously. Maybe i should start takin things more seriously. Maybe we all should. This sucks man... just sucks ...

This is gonna be my last post for a long time. It marks the end of a chapter of my life. I dont know if ill ever post anythin again, but definately not for the next 2 weeks. If i dont post, cheers. If u didnt know who sam was, u missed out on a great guy. If u knew who he was, dont think of how he died... instead... remember how he lived and made out lives more colorful.

As promised, here are the MMA dinner photos...

Me and my adopted Melaka Family.

Adam, Jeff, Prof Mv Kumar and me.

Residents of the Orange House.

MMA tie pin.

Ash Saha and me.

me in between two liyana/liana s.

i m too lazy to label the others... Take care kiddos...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Sam 's dead... rest in peace.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
feelin quite the fucked up... Sam, i dont know jokingly or not, said that i was the one sendin sms rumours to people that he s dead...that would have been ok, if his dad didnt hear bout it... and asked me bout it. Ai... hopefully things clear up. One thing i hate is people tellin me i spread rumours. I m not sayin i dont, but assured, more likely than not, i always say it s unconfirmed or i think. I rarely say, close to never, anythin that i m unsure about, i do tell, but never without sayin the source or its uncomfirmed. What irritates me the most is, i m the one goin around tellin people that Sams doin fine, the note on the board is because he s tired... sigh... let things unfold now...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
surgery marks out. Expected to fail. Fail. but better than the 1st one. 18/50. Could have passed actually, if i managed to get the 1st question (15 mrks) right. ... so basically, it was 18/35... cheebye...

Sam's doin well... he s pissin off the nurses. He thought i caused the accident by jumpin infront of the car... he s confused... poor boy... ai... good night kids...

Saturday, September 10, 2005
Yea... been a long day. Have a lot on my mind, lets see if I can address them chronologically… Woke up at an un-earthly hour of 830 am to Indra *supposed to put akka ere, but leceh la…* s call to pick her up from Equatorial at 11ish. Couldn’t go back to sleep so got hooked on to Football Manager again. Right. Got dressed and went to Equatorial, where I m still wondering how come people trust me with their cars…. Indra, shakee… my chinnam uncle… I m more scared to drive their cars than they are to let me drive their cars… Really…

Picked her up and went to Malacca Manipal where I was on duty as an usher. Actually it was confusing. 1st I was just supposed to follow the graduates, then all of a sudden I was supposed to LEAD the graduates, then suddenly I m supposed to usher the grads into their seats, which finally me ending up ushering the lecturers to their seats. That when pretty well, with me standing bout 6 hours… cheebye… my Achilles tendon, gastronemius, and soleus still hurts… Took a lot of photos for Indra, met Datuk Rawivharman… he deserves a post of his own, but he s one of the nicer guys I met in manipal, when 5th batch were there. Actually… I think he and Prakash, * was it Prakash?* was the only 2 people I actually drank with in Manipal… lol… those were the days… This Dec its gonna be 2 years sober… ai…. Back to the graduation. Simple ceremony, a bit of confusion ere and there, but yea… Enjoyable.

Now the bitchin starts… I m a loner type of guy. Many people know who I am, many of them read these postings. That s all fine… but the thing is, I keep a low profile. For ex, those who have my hand phone number, are those who ARE SUPPOSED to have my hp number. So, when my uncle introduced me to a few of the lecturers, many of which studied, or even worked under him, u can understand my apprehension. I mean, if ur famous, ur either known for the right reasons , or the wrong ones. I prefer being in the middle. Not known at all. This is completely different from the “fame” I got off manipal idol. If ur reading this, do u understand me? Lol… the other day I was in Modern, a friend actually called me Pedro. He forgot my name was Kuhan… no.. really….

Anyways, met Dr KL Shoba, the microbiologist. She actually remember who I was, and I felt happy. Told her I miss manipal. She told me to go back for electives, which thanks to 10th batch, has been cancelled… lol… Forgot to ask her bout Dr Ramachandran, the surgeon, who s her husband. If u remember the earlier posts, he s the doc who asked me “ Name the drug which alters the morphology of the RBC so it can enter smaller blood vessels easily” lol… the drugs name is - *I forgot* but apparently its important… yea…

So, met Dr Ashutosh again, with Indra and her family, went to selvam’s for dinner. Whalloped banana leaf food and a tandoori chicken… before that…

*while meeting some new people, who are related to me via Shakunthala Aunty, she told me her name, but I forgot*

Kuhan : I m sorry aunty, I m terrible at names. I cant remember yours….
Aunty : *which again I have forgotten her name* its ok….

As we enter the car….

Dr Ashutosh : *turn s to me from the front* So, what s ur name?
Kuhan : err… Kuhan sir..
DR Ashutosh : *laughs* lucky u remember ur own name….
Kuhan : *aiseh…*

After dinner, went to Pantai… Met Sam.
Kuhan : Sam, how are u man?
Sam : fucked up la… its torture man….
Kuhan : yea man… I know what u mean… but at least ur look better now, than before the accident….
Sam : *evil mocking laugh* so, what posting u have now?
Kuhan : Psyche man… bloody useless… u should be there…
So holidays next week? You going back?
Kuhan : yeas…. But don’t worry, I ll come to Malacca and make ur life a livin hell…
Sam : no need, I ll be at home, I ll be discharged. *obviously, he has no idea the meanin of a broken femur*
Don’t worry, dei… I ll come to Shanta curry house and eat with u…

To which his father laughed… fuckers gonna be alright… Thank God….

in a non – related issue. I think I met my dream gal today, with the only problem is she s older than me and I think she s getting married… kanninabu chow cheebye… yes…. Her face, skin, voice, eyes…. The works la… u know, when u see someone for the 1st time and cant take ur eyes off her? Fuck she even had freggin Maggie mee hair… I was like whoa…. Whoa…. Did I say whoa…? I mean WHOAA…. But what to do…. Maybe she s got a lil sister or something…. Aight then… Liverpool spurs coming up. Later kids….

Friday, September 9, 2005
Sam's outta the icu. room 319. he spoke to me. asked me where i was that night. i asked him how he was. he said he was "fucked up" he s gonna be ok...

This is for the people who said he was dead, and/or goin to die... "fuck u..."

Thursday, September 8, 2005
Ai... just got back from Pantai. Sam's makin sentences and recognizes faces. He even wanted to send his parents home and leave the hospital. He still looks like crap, but lol, he wasnt a pretty boy in the first place... he s gonna pull thru all right...

So, his dad takes us into the ICU. I was just a bit over excited to see the bugger and asked him if he recognized me. He nodded and got a bit excited tryin to struggle. So, just spoke to him a bit, and went out. His dad came out a bit later, tellin jokingly he wanted to punch me for askin Sam that... i was like "wat the..." and felt really bad, not knowin if he was jokin or not... ai... apparently he was, but i still feel bad... ai... but he s gonna make it. Yea...

Wednesday, September 7, 2005
Fuckin pissed. Sam s gonna be alright. No... not pissed with that. Pissed with bloody idiots of Melaka Manipal Medical College spreadin rumours that he s dying. The fuck??? Just because u cant go in and see him doesnt mean he s in a bad condition. No one s allowed in cause seein people makes him excited and he needs some * alot of* fuckin rest. Seein people makes him agitated. Fuckin hell... pissin me off.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005
Went to Pantai this mornin around 7. Sam's awake. Lol... bugger was respondin with blinkin and grasped reuben's hand. Yea... looks like he s gonna pull thru well. Thank God...

When for psychiatry posting. Gonna die... lucky its 2 weeks, then 2 weeks off, then 2 weeks again... Went back to pantai, saw Sam Sr (sam and his dad share the same name) He was delighted with Sam's progress. :)

I've been moody again. For no reason, i just went into a off mood. Its probably nothing, but i m thinkin i tend to take what people say seriously more now. Plans are not workin out. Ai... but for now, i m just happy the half-consigliere has pulled thru... *just got back from pantai again... still no visitors allowed. he should be moved back to general ward next week. Vijay s funeral is around friday-saturday... ai...*

Monday, September 5, 2005
Sam s outta the OT, his orthopedic operation went well, but he's still unconcious. Bugger. Positive signs are there are no suspected internal bleeds, pathology and the CT scan came out ok... So... all neurological effects will only be known later...

Decided against goin to Penang for the funeral. Thought about it and decided, i ve done all i could that saturday night in the A&E, and Sunday mornin in the Mortury, also, i ve paid my last respects to him, aggrivated by the lack of sleep and also my mom not happy with me travellin... so yea... thinkin bout it, 40 plus people wanna go... so... yea...

Was in Pantai this morning, few of us, when the doctor called Sam's family in. Until that point, i was ok, stable, basically like a stone. Basically, like a rock la... but when his family went in, a thought struck. What if Sam dies? I mean, he s stable and all but am i prepared if he goes. The dude was like one of my consiglioris, * i always gave him a half status* and he never fails to make me laugh and always laughs at what i say... Manipal Idol, all i had to say was "sam, ur in, ur gonna be seminem" and he went " ok" i m gonna share with u some of his more colorfull sms's....

*before univeristy exams* 2nd year mbbs questions leaked out... go to www.thestar.com.my for more details.."

The difference between Gareth and a bucket of shit? The bucket...

Reardless, she ll start some shit bout not feelin the same,and then she'll bring out the topic of infatuation, which fuckin disgusts me, then the ultimate.. "we'll always be best friends". Even more disgusting. which brings u back to square one. but thats just me, doesnt have to be you... Bono says to free Aung San Ki and to take all your chances while u can"

"Sweettt surrenderrrr"

What the fuck is wrong with u, u sick fuck??"

You cant get drunk on words. Chemically impossible. You're being daft.

lol... Hope the fucker turns out allright and reads this and appreciates the shit he s puttin all of us thru. Sam, we re prayin for u man... :)

I want to make one thing clear here. I deal with grief with humour, mostly dark humour. My father was lyin dead *dead, not passed away, wats the difference anyways?* and i was making jokes in the kitchen and havin food. I mean, whats the use of puttin a long face and sittin in the corner moping? What s the use of cryin? Only time i cried was just before my dad was cremated. And that too cause was i knew i d never see him again... tears are powerfull... but... Its not gonna bring anyone back alive. Cherish the ones who are alive, dont cry for the dead. Remember how they lived...

if anyone is offended by my views on death... please google "go fuck urself".. nite...

Monday, September 5, 2005
Yea. Difficult times. Reuban got me and loges so we went to the A&E (accident and emergency dpt), where a few lectures were there, around 4 in the am. While waitin for Vijay's parents to come...

DR X : So what happend to the car?
Reuban : *explains what happened, includin the car splittin in to two.*
DR X : So, what car was it?
Reuban : It was a proton sedan sir.
DR X : Was it new or 2nd hand?
Reuban: 2nd hand sir.
DR X :Yea, i know what happend. I read in the paper a few days ago... This is a kereta potong. U know. Two spoilt cars are cut and put together.

Reuban walks off... Doctors... Anyways, saw Sam's parents. Distraught doesnt begin to say what they were feeling. Anger, disappointment, a myriad of feelings. Just bloody fucked up to be there. Saw Sam as he was wheeled outta the ward to be sent to Pantai. He has mutltiple fracture s of the bone around the eye, a broken femur, among others...

Vijay's parents came. Grief. Saw Vijays body and paid my last respects. Its always gonna be tough seeing someone die. That being said, never expected him to be the 1st dead person i see in Melaka Gh. Also, i respect one of our lecturers, Dr Ashutosh. He was drinkin at the MMA dinner, but as soon as he stepped in the hospital he was just in command. Authoratative. Just like that.... the others... if i say anythin, i d be in trouble.

Followed Reuban to drop Shakee's car at the car wash. The interior had some massive blood stains and had 2 roti canai s which was welcomed. Went to Pantai. The specialist there says its too early to say anything. So, basically there s nothin much which can be done by me la... As i leave the hospital, Abhi calls me and tells me that a few lectures want a lift back to hostel. As Dr Ashutosh sits down, he tells me " u are not to go faster than 60 kmph *proceeds to hol the hand break* understand?" I m like... oooooooooooook. I was too tired to argue. Havent slept in 2 days, and all the emotional drainage... cheebye... dropped them home, and i slept off, to wake up when sanj calls. Had 5 missed calls, 3 msgs and one alarm. Nothin woke me up b4 7 pm. Went to the Mariamma Temple in Bear Hill s as Sandie calls it, got some prayers done, and went for dinner with Sanj and fip. Good chinese food. Elevated my spirits abit.

anyways, i need sleep. Back to pantai at 7 and there s a special meetin at 915... Sam. Fight man... fight. Vijay Francis. Rest in Peace.

Sunday, September 4, 2005
Its 430 in the am. Was supposed to upload the pics, and talk bout the MMA dinner. This is what happened.

1200 midnight - Shakee msgs me askin me how the MMA dinner. Didnt have credit, so i called her and she asked me to join Sam, Reuban, Vijay and her at this local club to celebrate Sanjna's birthday. I was broke so i told her that i cant make it.

1230ish - Sanjna calls my hp. Tells me that Sam and Reuban was in an accident. Tells me to put a pair of jeans on, and meet her outside Orange house. I think she s joking, its a ploy to get me to go out with them. I reluctantly go. Its true. They were in an accident.

The following events in the A&E was a blur, but Vijay is dead. Dead. Dead as in nail door dead. No vital stats. Dead. Yea... why? cause he and sam was drunk when they drove. Now Vijay's dead. Sam's in Icu. If Sam lives, court cases, the guilt... If he dies, i m gonna lose another friend. Just like that. Dead. Fuck this shit. Fuck u drunk drivers. Fuck u. I remember during orientation, Sam's dad told me, look after him and asked Sam to look after me. Now this happens. Vijay is dead. God bless his soul... wake me up when september fuckin ends...

Saturday, September 3, 2005
Yea. Been a while indeed. Papers just finished. Not good at all ai… lets see what happened over the week.

Saturday – Com Med. Straight forward paper. Messed up ere and there. Typical if u don’t sleep the previous night. My circadian rhythm is so imbalanced now, I don’t know what time of the day it is. Cheebye… Prognosis is poor with that paper.

Monday/Tuesday. Ent and Opthal – sure fail. No further comments required. Thing is, when I say I fail a paper, I mean it. If I pass the paper, it ll be a borderline pass. What irritates me is, when I come out of the hall, and people tell me the paper is bad, they failed the paper, yadaa yadaa yadaa…. And get fuckin 70/100, 75/100, 80/100…. Fuck off la… Seriously just fuck off… Cant remember if it was tues/wed when I rode in Fips new CRV. Power sial… the car’s got so much leg space, I think even if ur 2m tall, u wont struggle…. Nice ride fippo….

Thursday – Surgery. Suprisingly I was calm for this paper, but typical la… wrong diagnosis. I need to work on the diagnosis parts… but fail also. Friday was OBG, which I should pass with a bit of room for error. Also I think watchin Last Samurai on HBO the same night helped a bit.

Saturday – Medicine. Kanninabu Chow Cheebye…. Fuck. I wrote the right diagnosis, wrote bout 2 pages on investigations etc, then thought thought thought…. and then cancelled it, wrote “ Answer to 1st question in on last page” and wrote the wrong diagnosis…. Fuck la…. Anyway, whats dones done… Got MMA dinner tonight… and lookin forwards to some sleep… cheebye….

James Blunt – You’re Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Fuckin love this song… laters…..

Friday, August 26, 2005
Fuckidity fuckie fuck.... updates on next saturday... wake me up when september ends....

Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Ben Moody feat Anasthetic :D :D :D

Everythin Burns...

She sits in her corner
Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages
Feelings gone astray
But she will sing

Til everything burns while everyone screams
Burning their lifes
Burning my dreams
All of this hate and all of this pain
Burning all down as my anger reigns
Til everything burns

Walking trough life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
Too consumed in their mascarade
No one sees her there
And still she sings

Til everything burns while everyone screams
Burning their lifes
Burning my dreams
All of this hate and all of this pain
Burning all down as my anger reigns
Till everything burns

Everything burns (everything burns)
Everything burns
Watching it all fade away
Everything burns
Everyone screams
Everyone screams
Watching it all fade away

Til everything burns while everyone screams
Burning their lifes
Burning my dreams
All of this hate and all of this pain
Burning all down as my anger reigns
Till everything burns

Everything burns
Watching it all fade away
(Everything burns)
Watching it all fade away

Monday, August 22, 2005
This is what happend on Saturday night - Sunday morning.

7pm - 11 pm - Went to temple. Had the best Vege Nasi Lemak u ll ever find anywhere. Watched Ruud Van N score his typical curi ayam goal. Waited for Kc to go to Esso mamak to watch Liverpool play Spurs.

11pm - 230 am - Sittin down in Esso mamak, watchin 2 good football matches, talkin to Sathya, CK, KC, Susan and Ai Leen. Intrestin enough.

230 - 245. My cousin s show up in Esso mamak. I m assumin they are gonna ignore me and i can get on with my life. BUT. Nope. " kuhan, how are u? hows ur great grandpa? hows ur chittappa's 2nd wife's 3rd uncle's 2nd daughter?" I was civil la. "all ok". Nudged Bert, who joined us around 1 somethin. "wei, i got stomach ache" So we left to Modern.

3-530 - in modern.

530 - 730 - Packed bag. Waited for Uncle. Left for melaka. Didnt sleep... cheeeebye :D

also on the way back to klang, i saw the undercarriage of a Ford Ranger. Nevermind. I m sleepin....

Sunday, August 21, 2005
elo elo elo... it s almost a year since i ve been writin ere for almost a year now. indeed, i ve heard weird people comin ere, i ve had friends coming ere, and also, friends who i dont expect to be ere, but then again u are. So, take it with a pinch of salt. These are my views....

Friday, August 19, 2005
gone home for the weekend :D

Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Cheeebye.... a dude jumped outta the 4th floor of Melaka GH and killed himself. Wanna die go and jump a higher buildin and definetely not a fuckin hospital la mangkuk. Luckily u died. If u didnt, u d be treated, *more work for MO's* and then u ll be charged in court, sentenced and then wished u had jumped off a higer buildin... Idiot. And DR R was the last person he saw. Apparently Dr R was holdin his hand but the suicide jumper let go and jumped. After that, Dr R said those who were traumatized could leave...

i think i m cold hearted when it comes to patients. Maybe after watchin Dr House, maybe due to my father s death, maybe due to lots of things.... Ai... see la how... :D

Had a freggin HORRIBLE nightmare. Me and AB were a couple. I borrowed someone s pajero to go pick her up in Klang, and someone stole the car. My Dad was in the dream, as were my klang friends, who acted like they havnt met me in a while. Kc, Amy... Bert... ai... Best part? AB's house was opposite Paulynn's house... i was like Cheeebye when i woke up. Sweatin and palpitation... Apparently loosin a car is a fucked up feelin even if ur dreamin bout it. As well as AB as ur significant other...

So i told Ab bout this on msn.

Kuhan : *tells the story*
AB : Laughs. u and i will never work. i m attracted to *somethin to the effect of asshole/jerk/useless people* u are a nice guy.
Kuhan : *gives the southern bird a.k.a. the middle finger*
Ab : Maybe not...

i cant remember the exact words... but close la... :P good night kiddos...

Monday, August 15, 2005
Yea. Waddup dawgs!!! hahahaa... just watched Where's The Party Yaar??? on Vaanavil. Fuckin hillarious. - What are u talkin bout? I m not Indian. I m SRI LANKAN!!!- hahahaha....

Indeed. Things i ve realized bout my self (pls feel free to correct me in the taggie)

1) there s no such thing as "klang kuhan" or "manipal kuhan". There s just kuhan. Kuhan is who i was, who i am , who i m gonna be. I m not gonna change, if i hav changed, it was unintentional. There s no point tryin to change... it happens on its own....

2) My principles are my stones. Living by them takes a lot outta my psyche, stresses the shit out of me, in short, makes me feel like fuck. But. But, its made me who i am today. It s mouldin the me of tomorro... bringin me to...

3) While there has been things i ve done which i havent been too proud of, but i m proud of the achievements i ve made to be here. Here is where me and my principles have gotten me so far. Here is a nice place to be.

4) I have enemies. I know who they are, i know they are tryin to get close to me, i know what they've said, i know what they've done. I put 2 and 2 together so fast, its uncanny :) but but but... they cant do anythin to me... not anymore...

5) i like people easily. i easily get infatuated by people. even now. i m thinkin of someone i know, but i dont know. i m like fuck... :) but not the Hot Doctor la... she s just there la.. lol.

6) i like to fuck around with peoples minds. I dont think anyone, even the ones readin this, know really who i am. Shit even i have doubts of who i really am. This may sound like it contradicts the number 1) but that s not what i mean. I m talkin about the inner self. The one which is there when needed. In crisis. The decision makers. You think about it. DO YOU HAVE AN INNER VOICE? DO U KNOW IT? * i m not crazy*

7) I m rarely there when wanted, but i m always there when needed. Thats what i ve trained myself to do. You wanna go to watch a movie, i ll think about it... your in the hospital, i m there next to ya.

8) I prioritize my friends in levels. Try it.
1st level - Consiglioris- i go out of my way to help them, even if i m troubled. There s 6 people in this list....
2nd level - help if needed.
3rd level - help AS needed.
4th level - depends on mood.
5th level - say what?
Lets face it. I m not my father. He drops everythin and helps everyone. And what it got him? a bloody anuerysm ;p. i m kiddin. *anna u know what i mean, sshhh... *

9)i need to study more.

Well kids... thats like the gist of it.... correct me if u feel otherwise... have a good week ahead.

Sunday, August 14, 2005
Fuck :) Surgery end postings was on Friday... Didnt need Dr R to screw me over as i self destructed. Patient had a TURP *google it if u want* and had all clinical signs typical of an enlarged prostate... So, i was game set match *whatever that is* till...

DR R : Did u examine the abdomen?
Kuhan : Yes, sir. *Confident gile...*
DR R : the hernial orifices?
Kuhan : *not wantin to lie* No sir. I didnt.

DR R then proceed s to push somethin back into the patients umblicuse...

DR R : *to the patient* Batuk...

Patient then coughs... and plops out an umblical hernia...

Kuhan stares into the stars around his head...

He then asks me to look at the IV drip which was attached at the time when we were not there.

DR R : Where is the Iv Drip attached to?
Kuhan : *wild shot in the dark* in his leg, sir?
Dr R : Open and see.. *grins*

Kuhan checks to see... the iv drip is attached to his CATHETER!!!! mother pundek... first time i m seein a normal salin 500ml attached to a freggin catheter... Ai...

Anyways, fuck that. Surgery exams are done... Then yesterday at class i was relating a past experience to W and M....

Kuhan : When i was in taylor s, i had an ericcson T20 which looked like an egg. One day, when i went to buy Ramly burger next to 7-11, the burger dudes sister was there, and she saw my phone and said, " ko rasa ini boleh muat saya tak?" *assumin she meant it in a phallic way* to which W replied, " Waaa... u mean the Ramly Burger ah...?" I laughed so hard, the last 5 rows in class turned back to look at me... Ramly burger dildoes... Wonder if Chiru would be intrested :P

Irritated... Liverpool drew with Boro... AI... at least Everton is in the right half of the table... Good night kids...

Thursday, August 11, 2005
I should be doin surgery.... but im bored...

The shitty Man Utd went to Rome to see the Pope
The shitty Man Utd went to Rome to see the Pope
The shitty Man Utd went to Rome to see the Pope
and this is what he said "FUCK OFF"
Who the fuck are Man Utd?
Who the fuck are Man Utd?
Who the fuck are Man Utd?
as the Blues go marching on,on, on

We hate Nottingham Forest,
We hate Everton too (they're shit!)
We hate Man United,
But Liverpool we love you ...

We don't carry bottles
We don't carry lead
We only carry hatchets
To bury in your head
We are the supporters
Fanatics every one
We all hate Man City
And Leeds and Everton
We are the kings of Europe
The pride of Merseyside
We'll fight for no surrender
We'll fight for Shankly's pride
We hate Tottenham Hotspur
We hate Chelsea too
But most of all we hate the shite
Who play in royal blue.

lol...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
i woke up this morning extremely dehydrated, went straight to the fridge and took a large swig of coke. Indeed. Put on Gorillaz ' Dare , Akon's Belly Dancer, and The 2pac/akon 's Ghetto Gospel, and i was in such a happy happy mood. I was just happy. Dont know why tho, kept on hummin to Gorrilaz " Feel GOod Inc... ai...

THERE IS A HOT DOCTOR IN SURGERY!!!! i donno why i never mentioned her before here, but today she had her hair up *drooolllll...* and she was wearing a surgical mask -meanin her eyes were exposed.... HOT HOT HOT... but what to do... got engagement ring... diamond somemore... cis...

Dr R : Where is A group?
NRM : Sir, that s shakee. She s in C1. She's got end postings...
DR R : I know that. I asked for A2 group. A for apple...

i give up =).

Later...

Kuhan : Syed, Just now in the ward there was a case next to ours. He told AB that he had a lump in his ass in tamil. *suthela katti*
AB :Yea la... i was havin my period cramps and he kept on buggin me...
Syed : U mean he (the patient)had period pains??

Syed s smart... but off and on, melaka manipal students stun the world... me included. Have a nice day...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
This question was asked at the surgery end postin of a friend of mine - Whats the orgin of Achillis Tendon? (the story/myth behind it). I ll let u know how my end postings go... ai...

Monday, August 8, 2005
Yea... was with the others who had their end postings today... Not good... better news? Got 2 weeks minor surgery in 7th sems... Intrestin. I m gonna go buy a slurpee... i need sugar...

Apparently Eminem has a tougher life ;P

Eminem - If I had...

I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour
then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working in Building Square
Tired of not being a millionaire
I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

Monday, August 8, 2005
Chelsea have drawn first blood.... intrestin. Anyways, useless Sunday. Was supposed to have gotten my diagrammes practiced for my end postin on thursday, but no... was supposed to study the examination of the ulcers and breast, but no.... ai... Sesionals in a few weeks... Looks peachy...

Honestly... i think the most asked question in life is "should i or shouldnt i". Yea. Fuck it... i m gonna sleep... Surgery... Surgery... Am i gonna be a surgeon? Hmmm.... *does anyone notice any incoherance...? hmmmm...*

Sunday, August 7, 2005
What a day... missed mornin surgery lecture due to a biawak in adam s bathroom. Biawaks are residential hazards in the orange house. Ai... was late by 2 mins for the CCC, which if the venue was the same, i d be on time, and almost didnt get attendance for that... sigh... when it rains it pours... but hei... cant taste the sweet if u dont taste the bitter...

How bad? Went out for dinner with Sanjna at Pizza Hut. Parked my car by the side of the road. Both me and Sanj swear by the fact that there was no pole when i parked, but as i reversed out, a low pole was behind my car. Couldnt see it from the rear view mirror. I thought i hit a bicycle. Lucky tho, no damage to the car... the pole... well thats another story... I m gonna sleep now... End postings... arfgh...

Friday, August 5, 2005
Dont let anyone tell u indonesian music doesnt rock...

Saatnya ku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua kuyakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Dan bila hatimu termenung bangun dari mimpi2mu
Membuka hatimu yang dulu cerita saat bersamaku
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan untukmu sendiri
Semua sesal yang kau cari semua rasa yang kau beri

Endpostings.... study and fail... or dont study and fail? ai... I tried to be perfect... But nothing was worth it...

Thursday, August 4, 2005
Yea. New surgery lecturer in town. Seems very very very very *insert a few million very's ere* even tempered compared to Prof. He seems nice and i m evilly hopin he takes my end postings... then maybe i can pass.. but who am i kiddin? i m gonna get Dr R and fail... sigh...

After surgery this mornin, i was pissed hungry. Meanin i was bloody hungry and i was cravin for economy rice... yea i know... what the fuck right? Anyways, made plans with Sam to go to Sin Hoe gardens to hve food. Decided to leave my car at OHBTD and follow him. While waitin for him, i turned on my handphone to receive one msg..."Today is Aadi Ammavasai. Those with no father must observe" - from my cousin Indra. Sigh... went to sleep la... and my brother ate pork curry... cause he didnt know... I'd say ignorance is bliss, but nevermind.

And since Fip brought it up, i did have an elder brother before i was born, and i doubt if he was alive, i d be alive :). Dont know much bout him, but he was bluish when he passed, so most likely congenital heart disease la... i m thinkin PDA... weird eh? i can sound so calm talkin bout dead people like that... my brother nontheless... Maybe i m cut out for medicine after all.... hmmm....

Wednesday, August 3, 2005
Jeannie, Samantha Stevens, or Selena Kyle? take ur pick...

Surgery is drainin the life outta me again... Shit...

Kuhan feels...