Longing

Jack felt a shiver of coldness race down his spine from the dampness of the dew on the field. He lay in silence under the beaming full moon, Bianca in his arms, the stars a blanket for them both. The humming of the surrounding trees swaying in the wind drifted across a fresh smell of gum leaves. Jack could feel Bianca's warm flesh beneath his arm and breath on his shoulder, overwhelmed by the love he felt for her. He stroked her soft hair. For a moment everything felt complete, as though he had just finished the most difficult jigsaw puzzle.
Alone in the openness, they exchanged words of love and kindness, questioning the extent of each others love. Vulnerable and afraid, Bianca lifted her head to whisper in Jack's ear.
"I never want to forget this feeling." She gently brushed her lips along his jawbone.
Jack studied the structure of her soft, radiant face that reflected the pure whiteness of the bright moon. Leaning forward to kiss her, he whispered, "I have never doubted that I will always love you." He held her closer, expressing his underlying love for her. The strength he felt holding her, keeping her from falling, sparked a profound knowledge that their love and loyalty would hold them together.
"One more day until we're out of here." Bianca beamed at the possibilities that lay before her. Her parents’ dreams for her were crushed; her own dream of leading an eccentric and spontaneous life was becoming reality.

* * * * *

The sun was high above them, the light blue sky clear of clouds. The car radio blared, the clanging of the motor a constant beat alongside the music. Jack’s Kombi van was packed to the roof with sentimental belongings they had collected over the years, and the utensils and crockery his mother had given them carefully wrapped in old doonas. An old school photograph of Bianca remained blue tacked to the glove box, the sweetness in her face a remarkable feature she could never hide from. Bianca had matured physically since their journey had begun, yet emotionally was as vulnerable as that young girl in the picture. Following Jack’s road to success, she was building her own road of independence and durability.
They clanged and banged passed fields of wheat, cotton, daffodil and lavender crops, smelling the freshness and beauty of the land during the Spring afternoon. The view across the fields went on forever, each scene of pure nature without the disturbance of industrial sights. Bianca pointed out with excitement the tranquility of each field, demanding each one better than the last. The long, empty, bitumen road seemed to contain more beauty than any other. Bianca concluded that the beauty of the nature they witnessed was a sign of the beauty to come in their lives together.
Jack grinned at her, reaching across to brush a long strand of her dark hair behind her ears. Her hair was longer than ever, messily tied up in a style her mother would strongly disapprove of. She sang along to songs on the radio she had never heard, laughing hysterically and talking of all the grand events she hoped for their future. Her right foot was raised to the dash where she stretched to reach her toenails, painting them a vibrant blue. She screamed each time the van bounced over potholes, covering her foot in dashes of blue. Her face was completely calm and content as Jack turned sharply onto the highway.

* * * * *

On his walk home Jack smelt the coolness of the sea, and could hear the waves crashing down. It was late, barely a car passed him. The smoke and darkness of the pub had suffocated him, but the night was successful for the band. The wind chilled him. He crossed his arms and kicked the stones along the road. He wished that Bianca could have been there, she was working most nights at the pizza shop. When he sang and could see her smiling at him, each song meant more. Another band member wrote one of their songs about his girlfriend; Jack chuckled remembering singing that song once when Bianca was there. Ka-thy, my one and only, I never want to see you cry. On the odd occasion they joked about it together.
The steep, unlit stairs to their flat were tiring. They kept their place tidy, vacuuming the carpet often and scrubbing the benches, yet it always appeared dirty. It was cheap there, but they didn’t have much money to spend once the rent was paid. Jack could smell the familiar mouldy stench as he opened the door. A soft light from the lamp seeped from the lounge room, Bianca had fallen asleep reading in their second hand vinyl armchair. The wind from the half opened window blew forward the cream curtains Bianca had sewn, sending a chill through the apartment. Jack squatted in front of her and whispered her name, gently tapping her slender brown leg. She slowly opened her eyes. Jack held her cold hand, looking into her shimmering blue eyes. She wore her white dressing gown, with a deep purple silk nightie underneath.
“I wish you could’ve been there tonight.” He whispered, warming her cold hands. “The crowd loved us.”
“See,” she kissed his unshaven cheek, “I said you would be a hit.”
Jack closed the lounge room window and held his hands out to help Bianca to their bedroom. The apartment was in complete darkness, many novels, magazines, photo albums and music notes scattered across the bedroom floor as there was no room in the cupboards. He helped her under their cosy, floral bedspread, the lamp revealing the beauty of her. Jack settled her down on her back, and felt her showing belly.
“You can feel it kick sometimes.” Bianca said softly before drifting off to sleep. Jack rested his head above Bianca’s womb, listening to the rumbling of her stomach, feeling her pulse and a slight movement which was a part of them both. An extra beat in the darkness pulsed the beat of longing.