Wednesday, September 12, 2001

It has been a very long day. I didn't get any sleep last night. I was too busy being scared and crying. I was worried for my friends who lived near the area, worried for friends who has family in that area, and most of all, I was scared to death for my uncle. I was a total mess. I did receive some email from people this morning and tonight so I know they are ok but there are still people that are unaccounted for. I keep praying that they are all right. When I called my parents from the University today and they told me that uncle was ok, I cried so hard. People were staring at me but I didn't care. I cried in class too and people were so kind and understanding. There is A LOT of Canadians just in this campus who are affected. There has been a candle lit vigil. I have seen people openly crying becuase they have family and friends who work in the trade centers. I hope to God that they are all right.

I also understand a lot of people are angry and I am too. But I really hope people think rationally. They say there isn't a proof that a state was behind this but it seems highly likely to me. Such a sophisticated operation that was pulled off with precision timing and skill can't be your run of the mill terrorists. They sound more like specially trained military officers to me. If that is true, the implications are staggering. It would mean outright war.

I pray and pray that will not happen. If the US gets involved in a war, a lot of people are gonna get pulled in. I am happy to say that I have never lived through a war and I want to keep it that way. I want to keep it that way for everyone.

Everyone, please stay in contact. I love all of you very much. I miss you with all of my heart.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 11:59 p.m.

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

I have been watching the news all day and I feel slightly shaken. I first saw it on the news when I was going into my first class...the lounge with the big screen TV was full of people and I was watching it just about 10 minutes after the second world trade center collapsed...I almost screamed. It was so horrific. And my hands started shaking when I realized my parents and my brother had been in that area a few days ago for business. Thank GOD that they came back home on Saturday...if they had been in NY and stranded, I think I would have gone insane. After I saw the news, I immediately called my brother to tell him what happened. He knew what was going on but he just laughed it off when I told him I was worried. "Toronto isn't New York", he said. But they have closed down all major buildings and business centers in Toronto because we are very close to the New York state...not too mention that about 22 of the planes that was already up in the air was being re-routed to the Toronto Pearson International Airport. They were checking cars for bombs and shit...and that scared me spitless because my house is literally 5-10 minutes away from the airport. I am about 2 hours away from Toronto in my University but still...I kept looking up at the sky. There was a guy who was standing in front of the University Community Center who fainted and had to be taken away by an ambulance...it turned out that he had family who lived near the trade center and they weren't answering the phone. I just pray that his family is all right.

I know a lot of the planes went to Ottawa too... Lika chan, stay on your feet ne? I heard they stepped up security around the US embassy and Parliament. Canada isn't a huge target from attack but we have been used as an avenue to the US before. I just hope nothing happens.

I am not sure if I am getting any sleep tonight. I know people who live around that area...my uncle from New Jersey makes frequent trips to Manhattan and I haven't been able to reach him yet. Gods...I went to the GM building and the trade centers with him. It feels like ages but it scares me that those buildings and my memories of them is totally destroyed. It feels so unreal. You watch bombings and terrorist acts in other continents and you can change the TV channel so casually...it scares me that such acts have hit the mainland. It's no longer far away. I watched a Korean jet making an emergency landing in Whitehorse escorted by fighter jets and I was so scared for them. I was so scared for my fellow Koreans who might have been hijacked...thank goodness it was just a fuel problem. I was watching this one woman whose son called her just minutes before the plane crashed and I couldn't help crying. It was just too sad.

I am not a person who prays but tonight I think I will. I hope those people trapped underneath that rubble survives and reunite with their family. And I pray that nothing like this will happen again.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 02:38 a.m.

Monday, September 10, 2001

Oh my gosh...I slept like the dead. *rubs eye* I will go back to sleep soon but I wanted blog a little. I had a very full day today. I had English, Women's Studies, and Classical Studies and it was cool. I was doodling in Women's Studies when the girl next to me suddenly asks me if I like anime. I looked very surprised at her and said that I didn't know many people who knew the word "anime". They usually say "Japanimation" ^^;; Then she was like: "Are you kidding? I went to Japan BECAUSE of anime!!"

O_O;; Well let me tell ya, the words going through my head was "HARD CORE FANGIRL LIKE ME!!" *laughs* We talked a bit and it turned out she wanted to join the anime club and take it over...which was my plan as well!! So if it is true that the club is just full of unwashed fanboys who like little girl anime (which I have heard rumours of...) then we shall do a major hostile takeover. ^___^ And oh yes, her name is Kate and she is very cute. *blush* So it was kind of nice meeting someone and having a conversation. ^___^

I also went book shopping today. x.x;; This was the reason I collapsed into bed as soon as I got home. >_<;; Now that I knew my whole booklist for all of my classes, I decided to brave the lines. Unknown to me, I went at the peak times, >____<;;; The line into The Used Bookstore was VERY long. It took forever just getting in but it was worth it. @_@;; Inside was totally chaotic and I was lugging so many heavy books and people kept bumping into me. Despite all of that, I am so very happy I got in because I snagged the last copies of my Modern East Asia textbook and my main English book. *_* Those two were gonna be my two most expensive purchases if bought new but I grabbed them LITERALLY a second before somone else did. Thank goodness. x.x;; Saved myself 70 bucks just for those two books.

Afterwards, I waited in line again to get into the normal bookstore. ^^;; I had so much trouble locating all of my English books because there was so many of them. x.x;; I definitely spent the most on them. I was slightly annoyed when I found out that three of the books I need haven't even arrived yet!! Oh well, the teacher can't penalize me if no one else has it. ^^;; Then I had to wait in another line just to get to the cashier!! >_<;; The line went from one end of the bookstore to the other end. @_@;;

When I finally got all of it (and it was expensive too!!!) I got the hell out of there. x.x;; Shit, lugging a backpack full of books home on a bus is no fun. I came home and I just collapsed and slept. After this blogging, I think I will go back to sleep. x.x;;

Hey Tsukineko chan, thanks for the advice. I am kind of shy with people at first so I will see. ^^;; As for the cooking, your recipe seems hard to me. o_O;; I think I will totally mess it up. And by the way, why is your text black against black? o_O;;

Yes Reinselft...I am a fan of Laine san's work. ^_^ Her parody stuff cracked me up so hard!! Especially this one!! And the RK Valentines one was perfect!! *___* This is just too funny!! And I really love how she draws Chibi Sesshoumaru. *hugs him* If you are reading this Laine san, can I somehow bribe you to draw me a Naraku x Sesshoumaru picture? *laughs evilly*

And I see you finally fixed up your blog. ^_^ As promised, you are linked James! *laughs* I like the picture of Belldandy. Nice piccy too. You should draw more dude. Hope everything is good with ya.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 11:06 p.m.

Sunday, September 9, 2001

Ok, I have been gone for a long time. Trying to get back into my normal online mode but it's hard. School so far has been pretty good. The opening week was crazy because there was so much activities. My face got totally sunburned. @_@;; I know I have been neglecting this and I haven't even begun on this yet and for that, I apologize. Today is the second day of my period and I feel like crap. I tried to get up this morning to blog but I couldn't...I hope to show up in the 8 pm witching hour.

I added the a few new blog links. Laine is a fantastic artist and I was so flattered when I found that she linked me. ^^;; Go and read her stuff people! And go here to see her art. I really liker her Inu Yasha and Rurouni Kenshin stuff. I also added the X Island blog and Lyn's blog link. Lyn is a really good fanfic artist. I stumbled across her Escaflowne fanfic a long time ago and I was so happy when I found her blog too. She is hilarious! Go and read her fanfics minna.

I am trying to find a place where I can store my pictures now that Spree is going down. I just tried one and it failed utterly. I think Envy.nu will work but that server is SO SLOW. I hate slow servers. Can anyone suggest me any sites? 250x.com is down for repairs right now and I can't even upload stuff to test it out. *sighs*

University life so far is not too bad. I have to take the bus to campus because I don't have a car but that's all right. The buses are always on time but come very rarely...so if I miss it, I am totally screwed. I haven't missed it yet and I hope to keep that up. So far I like my Japanese class the best. It's obvious to me that I do have a definite edge over most of the people there, which is not bad at all. I haven't made any friends yet because I was not that active in the opening week activities but I don't really care. If I make friends, I will do it at my own pace.

I feel kind of alone right now. It's not just the lack of friends but just the lack of knowing ANYONE. This is a totally different city from my home so it's kinda hard to adjust. But I do like my roomates. They are my brother's friends so they are nice...I have known them for a while so it's cool. And I like having my own room. This room is even bigger than the one I had at home! I have most of my stuff with me. I went grocery shopping with Ashley and I bought a ton of food. I tried cooking for the first time and it sucked like hell. @_@;; But Joe and Ashley just ate it saying it was good. ^^;; I think they were trying to spare my feelings. *laughs* But it was ok...I guess I will get better with practice.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I know I owe emails to a lot of people but I am so very tired. I don't know why but I feel so angry and down. I am sure it will pass. I keep thinking of home and I feel sad and then pissed off. These days, I have to fight off the urge to shut down my sites, my blog, uninstall my chat programs, and block all of my emails. I have this urge to draw away from everyone and just disappear. It would be pretty easy I suppose. *sighs* I did block all of my email friends for a day but then I realized how stupid I was being and then got rid of the block. I made a conscious effort a few days ago and emailed people with my new phone number...trying to stop the tide of irrational behaviour. I am hoping this will go away soon.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 05:31 p.m.

Tuesday, September 4, 2001

I have moved into my room in University and tired as hell. I shall talk more later. Until then, hello to everyone...and hopefully soon I can join in on the fun. *sighs*

Daisuke changed into Dark at 01:43 a.m.

Saturday, September 1, 2001

Yikes. Haven't blogged regularly in a while. I just wanted to say I am alive and well. The store is now off our hands so I didn't have to go to work today. *sighs* I slept like the dead I tell ya. But I am still tired. >_<;; I need to go and shop for the rest of my university stuff, get a CD player, a new scanner, cut my hair again, and HOPEFULLY dye it blue...if my mom lets me. *laughs* She has threatened to shave me bald if I did it. ^_^ But I always wanted blue hair!! Not something flamingly bright but subtle...blue black hair, you know? ^___^;; I want to do some social blogging but I am too lazy right now...I will when I get back. See ya minna!

Daisuke changed into Dark at 03:12 p.m.

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

I know I owe email and replies to a lot of people. Gomen nasai minna. I just wanted to post this to state that I am alive. Talk to you guys later. Ja.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 11:28 p.m.

Saturday, August 25, 2001

Well there has been a mix up in my university and I no longer have a room. Can life get any worse? >_<;; It's bad enough that my family is totally going nuts and working our fingers off because of some fucking bastard who are ripping many thousands of dollars from us. I hate how big companies totally crush smaller businesses just because they can. UGH. And all of the hard work that my parents did in the last two years is gone because of one petulant demand from a jackass who doesn't have any ethics. I hate money. I curse it everyday but I will make so much of it that my parents won't have to suffer like this. And when I am just bursting with money, I will track down every single bastard and bitch that backstabbed my parents and make them pay. That includes my family members in Korea. Damn fucking ingrates. My father practically raised them since they were in diapers because my grandpa died young and all they can do is sneer and disrespect my father. They didn't even take care of him when he sick. Fucking bitches. When I am stinking rich, I will have the infinite pleasure of turning them down just like they did to my parents. And although I feel sick and tired from all this bullshit, it's ok because in the end it will pay off and WE will have the last laugh. Fucking assholes. If there is one thing about me that is vindictive and childish, it's that I hold grudges and have a great memory...you double cross me or one of my family and sooner or later, you will pay dearly. People think I'm so fucking nice and cheery...yeah well piss me off and they'll see another side of me. And while I am smiling and they're fooled by it, I'll screw them over so bad they won't know what hit them. *IS FRUSTRATED BEYOND BELIEF* And damn...I was really looking forward to dorm. I was nervous at first but when I got used to the idea I kind of liked it. Well anyway, my bro said I can move into his apartment since he is not living there anymore...and that also solves finding a new person for his old roomates. I guess it's ok all around...but still...

*reads what I've written so far* Ok...I am a little calmer after that rant. @_@;; I am still angry though. I know I sound childish and stupid with that rant but I can't help feeling it. My family has been screwed over so many times that my growing hatred at the world is ever expanding. Maybe when I have mellowed out a bit, I will just say "what the hell" with those assholes and just concentrate on treating my parents nice. But until then, I will hold onto my hit list, thank you very much.

See the deal is, my parents have a store in a shopping mall and we just sold it. But the landlord is demanding a portion of the sale because he says part of it is the mall's profits. The bad part is that the sum he wants is almost half of the sale price!! What kind of fucking logic is he using? How can half of our store be possibly considered the mall's profits when my parents invested so much into it!! And when my parenst asked how he got this number, get this, he just made it up. That's right. He just pulled it out of the fucking air. He wants money and he knows he has control over us so he is ripping us off. Everyone in the mall knows it but nobody can do anything. Isn't life so wonderful? Fuck. If this has taught me anything, it's that in life, I have to be my own boss. I am not gonna scrape a living bowing down to greedy businessmen who think they are above others. What he is doing is almost illegal!! Although it states in our contract that an amount of our sales belong to the mall, he couldn't produce hard document with the calculations that prove this particular sum. HE IS FUCKING STEALING FROM US!! Oh man...this guy is so gonna pay...if it's not me, it'll be somebody else he screwed over. Sooner or later, karma is gonna get this man...and I will watch with GLEE as it chews him OUT!! *IS FEELING BLOODY* So now my parents gotta start this new business from scratch all over again. That is why I am working everyday so hard...the landlord won't let us transfer the ownership of the store until the the end of this month...so my family is running two businesses right now on almost zero man power. And since we lost out so much profit, we can't afford to hire anyone to help. It's all just me, my bro, my parents, and my uncle. *laughs* And the funny thing is, I got a bit of time off this morning so I thought I could blog with my buddies a bit...and the one morning that I actually HAVE time, no one is there. Life is grand ne? It's just full of warmth and joy ne? BULLSHIT. I hate it when my life gets ironic...

Soon, I will be leaving home for university and I am worried sick. They need my help but I can't stay. Fuck. I can't even see my friends in Toronto before I leave because I am working everyday and so are they. No time for anything. Otakon was the only break I had this whole year and even that wasn't really a break. Conventions are always high in stress so I don't really consider that a vacation. >_<;;

But don't worry folks...I will be back to my happy and cheery self soon enough. That is all I can do ne? Just smile and endure the injustices of this world...but it is so hard. Everything is so horrible right now that I could just break down and cry. Everyone is tired and overworked...I hate watching my parents yell at eachother because they are both frustrated. My bro can't go to university this year because they need his help...and my mom cried over that. I have seen my mother cry like 4 times in my whole life and I hate it each time she does. She was so upset because she felt she had failed my bro in not being able to send him to school...he tried to comfort her but can any mother who feels she has failed be consoled? FUCK. I feel so goddamned helpless. I guess the only thing I can do is help them out now and do well in school. I was such an idiot this year. If I had actually applied myself then I could have swung a large scholarship. I know I am smart. I am not bragging in this statement. I skipped two months of school and did absolutely no homework but I still managed to get a overall average of 82%. If I had just done more work, then I could have done so much better. Well no more of this bullshit, I am gonna do so fucking well in first term and get a full scholarship for the rest of my university career. I've had it with this "asking for money" from people. If there is one thing about hatred, it focuses the mind. No one is gonna EVER step on me and think they can get away with it.

Daisuke changed into Dark at 11:51 a.m.

Thursday, August 23, 2001

Ahh...I'm sorry everyone that I couldn't make the rpg this morning. >_<;; I was totally wasted from last night and I couldn't get up. @_@; I did set the alarm clock but I ended up sleeping through it. ^^; Gomen nasai!!

I love the fact that the two new members of our blogs are both Canadians. *_* One lives in the same city as me and the other just north of me. Heh. This does make blogging more convenient. ^^v *waves hello to Min and MIchiru* Maybe I'll run into you guys in Kikiwai. ^___^ Oi Min, I almost took that Kamui bookmark myelf but the Sanzo one was calling my name, I tell ya.

In other news, Esca came back from Korea with a whole bunch of stuff for me. @_@;; *hugs her* I love my friends. ;_; She got me X Zero!! *dies from happiness* I am thinking of making a Subaru layout next because of all those yummy pictures. *_* She also got me a whole bunch of Korean doujinshi!! One of them as D.N.Angel yaoi with Dark and Satoshi going at it!! *gigantic nosebleed* It's so pretty. @_@;; I wish I can draw like that. But my favourite one is the Ranma 1/2 doujinshi she got me. ^__^ It has Ranma falling into Jusenkyo and turning into Inu Yasha, Akane falling into a spring and becoming Kikyou, and the kicker, Kuno falls in and become Sesshoumaru!! *ROFL* IT'S SO FUNNY!! @_@;; Maybe I'll scan a few pages. ^^v

Ok, now I gotta go because I have to go to work. My parents decided to be nice and let me sleep in a bit today but I still gotta work later. @_@;; At this rate, I won't have any energy for University. x.x;;

Daisuke changed into Dark at 01:57 p.m.

Sunday, August 19, 2001

Wai wai! ^__^ I emailed an old friend of mine and I was so happy when she answered back! Hi Katzy!! I am used to calling you Rinoa so I have to get used to calling you Katzy. ^^;; I hope everything is all good and genki. ^__^ Wow! You like Saiyuki too?? *_* I just got Saiyuki 8 today and it rocked!! The anime is good but I prefer the manga. ^_^ Kyahh...Kikiwai also gave me a free Sanzo bookmark. ^_^ He looks nice and slutty. *laughs* I finally got Bus Gamer by the same mangaka and it is beautiful! *_* I love Minekura sensei! Also got Hanakimi 2, completing my collection of the issues out so far. *_* UMEDA SENSEI KISSED MIZUKI'S BROTHER!! THAT LUCKY BASTARD!! Got Chobits 2 when I told myself I wouldn't. >_<;; But how could I resist? Chi looked so good in that lacy outfit! *laughs* I should really rein in my hentai nature. >_<;; Which reminds me, the search word that people use the most to stumble across my site is HENTAI. Let's make that worse eh folks? HENTAI HENTAI HENTAI HENTAI HENTAI!!!! ^_~;;; And now for some social blogging. ^^v

I also added Lilack to my blog links. ^_^ Hello!! I don't know you very well but I hope we can be good friends. ^__^

Kiri I miss you muchly. ;_; *hugs* Pat the kitties for me ok? I already miss Ame sleeping on my legs. ;_;

Stelli chan!! I MISS YOU TOO!! @_@;; Curse our busy life!

Esca!! Welcome back!! I am glad you had fun in Korea. ^_^ I got something for you from Otakon so come and visit me ok? *hugs*

Satsuki chan I love your new domain name and layout. It's beautiful. ^__^ And the Watari banner looks so cute. *_* I am glad you like it. ^^v

Alison, can I be your concubine? And Lika chan can join us! *laughs* I miss you, you silly girl. ;_; I wish you came online during the night more. That is really the only time I am here. @_@;;

Don't worry about the ICQ, Leareth. ^__^ We can yak some other time. *hugs*

Tsukineko chan, hang in there!! ;_; *hugs* Don't let school get to you ok? ;_;

Lavender san, can I bribe you to write more Norisu? *_* I do like the end but...I want more! ;_; How about a side story? A lemon side story? *_*

The new layout is fantastic, Taryn san. ^__^ You sure made her happy. ^__^

Daisuke changed into Dark at 11:40 p.m.