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What's in your box?
You sold me queer giraffes. I want my money back.
Someone hide me. Quick!
Finals are coming, I'm trying not to hyperventilate. Instead, I think I'll color-code my closet, or maybe reorganize my (fill in the blank here) collection. I am the Queen of Procrastination! Everyone shall worship me.
Joyous!
I got a job at Club Monaco yesterday!
New kicks
I bought boots, they're sexy, and I think they seduced me. I just broke the cardinal Christmas rule- No shopping for yourself before Christmas. Ah well, I guess I just get coal this year. To be honest, I bought the boots hoping "you know who" will notice, but I can guarantee he won't. Why even try. I'm sad, and angry, and I don't really have reason to be. I just think it wouldn't be too much to ask once in a while to have some tangible evidence that he cares about me. What that evidence is I don't know. I'm not talking jewels, a simple "thank you for the wonderful birthday present..." would suffice. I'm not getting my hopes up though.
I feel alienated. I feel like I don't have that many people to count on anymore, at least compared to the way I did before. I get home and think, "I'll call...???", and generally only two names pop into my head. If I called anyone else they'd think I was stalking them, I'm sure.
Why do friendships fail? Because I'm a failure? That could be it, maybe I shouldn't blame other people, but instead blame myself. Hmmm...that would be an interesting perspective.
I think the one thing I want for Christmas is to know how people important to me really feel. But, maybe I don't want that afterall...
I'm leaving, on a Jet Plane...
Where's Chantal when you need her huh? Well, tomorrow I go to San Francisco. Thank god. Do I ever need to get out of this country, though going to the good ole U S of A would not be my first choice either.
I'm thinking of just disappearing. Who's with me? Just walking out of class one day, and not stopping.
Tired, sore, tired, my head is going to explode.
Bye
No one gets out alive.
Do you ever feel that you're not going to get out alive? Out of school, out of melancholy, out of bed, or just out? I think Post Secondary is going to kill me. I just don't have enough energy to be constantly writing papers, talking to people, interacting with professors. I'm going fucking nuts.
Can you love someone with such intensity that you want to blundgen them with it until they understand the depth with which you adore them? Didn't think so. I'm just fucked up. Saying "I love you" feels so empty and meaningless now. It doesn't begin to explain. It's like saying, "oh yeah that was okay", as you roll over to go to sleep after sex. It just doesn't do justice to the moment. I suppose I'm getting too personal here....fine then.
Papers need to be written, I need to wallow in my own self pity. Someone call me.
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