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What's in your box?
Two weeks
Two weeks, not a phone call, an email, a sighting, what am I to think? That I don't matter? Well, that's obvious.
Full Swing
School has started, there is homework to be done, but sleep is more important. So many people, all different people, do you just ever sit and wonder what is happening in each of their lives, what they value, what they're thinking as they walk quickly through you life and theirs? Do other people watch you, thinking the same thing? How is everyone connected, it is a small world afterall, everyday that concept rings more truth. Oh, your dad is dating Carrie-Anne's Mom, cool! It's bizzare, most times I wonder is life is just one huge farce. I mean we're here, what, realistically 80 years, and we spend so much time of that doing stuff we don't enjoy, it's amusing, in a depressing kind of way.
I saw him today, does that ever ruin my resolve, but resolve isn't the right word, routine. I survive without seeing him from Friday to Friday, occassionally from Friday to Saturday. It hurts. Not only because I have to wait to see him, but because I see the "normalcy" of everyone elses relationships, though what is normalcy afterall? Maybe we are normal, maybe we would get tired of eachother if we actually spent more than a few hours together. Maybe all of this is just a pschology experiment, conditioning and all that, how can we condition said female subject to drool at the feet of said male subject. It's absurd really.
Im ashamed of the fact that I am still fuming at behaviour I was a party to during Christmas vacation, what is an apology exactly? Am I petty? Perhaps, or maybe I'm just realistic, or maybe I'm just absurd. Or maybe, just maybe, you can so completely destroy the trust someone has in you, that there is no way you can get it back. Or maybe arrogance isn't as attractive as it used to be.
Labs, papers, relationships, human beings, studying, and a stupid Tetley Tea commercial, how are they all connected?
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to all you people out there. I got an iBook, my life is complete.
Mending Bridges
Throughout a lifetime you burn many bridges. You destroy connections with employers, co-workers, lovers, and friends. Can those bridges be mended? And should you try? I think that trying to mend them, when the one they have been broken with is fighting with her, let's say significant other, is not something that is possible. She might, let's say, say or write things that are really harsh, but she might not have entirely meant. She was just venting at the nearest possible punching bag. Understand?
Please don't leave.
You know when you're little, and you have the dream the your parents die? Which, let's just face it is a metaphor for abandonment. What if, everyone in your life, suddenly decides to leave? I have to stop loving people, because obviously I drive them away, like to another continent for example. What happens when the person you love with all your heart and soul basically tells you that you don't matter. That you just don't understand. Or course I understand, I'm a fool.
Have you ever been hurt so bad that all you can feel is a numb emptiness, and a certainty that nothing ever is going to be okay again? Because it's not. Nothing is okay, nothing is good, nothing is fair. I'm tired of being hurt, I'm tired of trying. I'm just tired.
For those people who write poems, I assume they're empty words as well. Love means you don't leave. I'm sure of that now.
What is wrong with me? Am I that repulsive, repugnant, and I just blind to what other people see?
I love you, why can't you see that? Why don't you care??
They're listening...
My dad already knew? How? It's these little things that confuse and puzzle me, at least no one was killed.
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